It's a widely-acknowledged fact that Jews control the media. (Hey, don't worry, I can acknowledge this because I am half-Jewish. (Perhaps this is why I am only half-way to having control in the surf media. (And I hope I didn't just alienate my Meshugina Skinhead fan base by confirming my Jewish heritage.)))
I'm often asked what article I'd write about surfing if I could write absolutely anything. Currently I'm leaning towards a round-table discussion, SurfingMag style, focusing on Jews' control of surfing. Our panel would consist of prominent surfing Jews Makua Rothman, Eddie Rothman, Dorian Paskowitz, and Shaun Tomson. The discussion would be moderated by Larry David, uber-Jew of Curb Your Enthusiasm and Seinfeld fame.
I can just picture it now:
Larry David: So, Fast Eddie... Can I call you Fast Eddie by the way? Please explain to me how a Jewish kid from the mainland can show up on the North Shore and all of a sudden be running Da Hui? Isn't that the story? Are you like a Mossad agent or something? Did you use sarcasm or violence? It seems like Israeli Jews excel at violence, while American Jews are more dangerous in terms of sarcasm. What worked for you? Tell me your secret, Jew to Jew... I can't even get my agent to respect me, let alone intimidate anyone.
Fast Eddie: Wot you say Brah? You like Beef?
Larry David: Only if it's cooked rare. I can't stand it when someone overcooks a steak. Have you ever yelled at someone for overcooking steak? I'm not proud to admit that I have. That's probably the most gangster type thing I've ever done. I yelled at a 5' tall waitress. She wasn't intimidated... Who's your personal trainer? You look really fit. What's with the centipede on your chest? Is it a pet, or is that an incidental centipede crawling across your chest? Are centipedes kosher? They have a shell, but they're not a fish... so that's a tough one.
And so on.