Wow. I feel really bad.
Last week I poked fun at poor Alex Knost (turns out he's NOT gay or a pedophile!) - but little did I know, he IS disabled - Alex is one of those Contorted Hipsters.
Not sure if you've heard yet, but it's a really sad and tragic disease afflicting young Hipsters. Now a famous surfer is clearly suffering from the tell-tale severe spinal curvature and twisted tragic poses associated with being a Contorted Hipster.
A lot of otherwise young, healthy, earnest, artistic, unique, stylish hipsters are suffering from the same condition.
Not sure yet, but some speculate that it's caused by tight jeans, lack of bathing, crappy electro-pop, or all that cocaine.
Please help find a cure for the Contorted Hipsters!
Right now Alex is still able to surf, but it appears his condition is worsening by the day. For the price of a useless, piece-of-shit retro-hull, you could help us fund research into this ghastly disease. Please contact me if you'd like to donate now. Maybe we should do a Walk-a-thon?