Monthly Archives: March 2009

Rivers and Tides

I've been getting some reader requests for less irony.  So here's a moderately earnest post for a few of you to enjoy, and the rest of you to complain about.
A few years back, I was asked to compile a list of the best surf movies ever.  I put "Rivers and Tides," a documentary about the [...]

Fleeing the Country.

I am off to greener pastures on something called a "surfing trip."
I can't wait to get to Brazil and start counting my barrels!
I'm not entirely sure if they have the world wide web there, or if we only have that here in America. So posts may become sporadic.
In the meantime - let's [...]

Comment of the Week

On Sundays I take a break from regular posting, nurse my hangover, and highlight reader comments. But I'm not sure if there's any need to fan the flames of the multiple controversies that are still burning in the comments sections this week.
So I'll shed light on a totally unrelated shit storm that got started when [...]

Reading Comprehension Quiz

It's time for another PostSurf Reader Challenge!!!
Lately, I've become concerned that some readers don't really "get" what PostSurf is all about.
So this week, we have a reading comprehension quiz. This will be especially useful for any kids prepping for the SAT, or pro surfers trying to pretend their home-schooling equates to a high-school- level education.
Please [...]

Deuce Whitlock: Male Gigolo

A recent trend in surf "journalism" is recounting the sexual exploits of pro surfers.
First Stab began their "Joy of Sex" feature - That's how I found out that Jordy Smith does anal with cougars, and has this to say about pubic hair: "No pubes! I prefer lasered. Girls can have them lasered and hair will [...]

Do you like KOOKS?

I have fled the scene.  I am currently in the mountains, meditating on my sins against surfing.  I am running through the snow holding a large boulder while simultaneously drinking vodka from a sheep's bladder, training to achieve the standard of journalism that readers of surfing websites demand.

It is slow going. These boulders are heavy, [...]

Overly Dramatic

Despite their laid-back demeanor, surfers love a little drama.
On a rainy day in France last fall, CJ Hobgood and I discussed how dramatic surfing helped him get his competitive career back on track.  And on track it has remained - yesterday in Tasmania, CJ put up 18.57 points. Now, it looks like Parko may [...]

Where will the MONEY come from?

Since I got fired I'm trying to figure out how I can get paid for this fuckery.
Me and the staff here at PostSurf (meaning me and my dog) have been throwing around a few ideas:
1) Sell ad space on PostSurf via pyramid scheme
I'm offering you, my reader, an amazing once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make over $100,000 [...]

FIRED.

You didn't have to be Nostradamus to see this coming.
For those of you had bets going as to when this would happen:
Surfline fired me on Friday due to last week's "Corporate Rage" post.
If any of you want a refresher course on "How the Surf Industry Works," this incident should serve as a convenient example.  Nothing [...]

Dave Eggers Wiki

Why is it that so many child surfing prodigies never realize their full potential?  Each year the magazines proclaim a handful of youngsters to be the next Kelly Slater.  In reality, these pint-sized surf stars are just as likely to reach rehab as they are the Top 10.
Today I'm highlighting the inspirational story of David [...]

Comment of the Week

Another productive week here at PostSurf headquarters.
7 posts generated 154 comments, which ran the usual gamut: threats, conservative rants, liberal rants, angry anti-establishment rants, theological rants, deranged ramblings, and plenty of accusations of sexual misconduct.
Last week, I pleaded with readers to engage in "thoughtful debate with other members of this community."
At times we almost achieved [...]

OUTSIDER ART

I do not come from surfers; I am the only person in my family who surfs.
I am a first generation surfer, as my grandfather is a first-generation American.
My grandfather took these photos while walking on a beach in Barbados, before I was born, sometime in the early seventies.
He captured lines and experiences that meant little [...]

CORPORATE RAGE

Lots of stories in the news lately about the groundswell of public anger in the wake of AIG's use of bailout funds to pay out $165 million in bonuses.
It got me thinking about the disconnect between upper management and the little guy as we struggle through this economic crisis.
In the recent Surfline article "Tavarua Time" [...]

More Media Fuckery

Surfline.com just put up their "Power Rankings."
What a fucking joke!!!!

Who the fuck writes this piece of shit article every month?  I don't have much time to write because unlike some people I actually have a real job, I don't just spend my time watching surf contests on the computer and then acting like it makes [...]