Hey Yall. With the economy being so bad, I think I better SELL OUT any way I can.
What can I do to make everyone like this website?
Maybe I should post photos of me BROing out with super awesome, relevant pro surfers and then all you surf fans will be like, "Wow, you're so cool, I wish I could be YOU!" And then clothing companies will give me money cause I heard being cool sells clothes somehow, like, magically.
OR.... maybe I just just post lots of photos of really cute stuff. Like pictures of kittens and unicorns and titties and cupcakes. I heard websites with an overload of CUTE get a TON of hits and then I'll get all this money from ads for diet pills.
OR... maybe I'll become a celebrity gossip blog and just start posting maybe-nsfw photos of maybe nipslip upskirt lindsay lohan dried-up lessie cokey coochie and maybe tell you which pro surfer is fucking which other pro surfer. Reality TV shows will buy ad space.
OR... maybe I should devolve into a straight-up mentally ill unabomber type, and get a cabin in the wilderness, far far away from the surf industry. I'll use a dial-up connection and write zany zingers about pro surfers I've never met before. The dial-up will make me SO ANGRY that I'll be really mean and sarcastic. All you readers who're angry too will worship me like I'm Che Guevara. Maybe you'll will donate money, like you do for SurfAid.
f#$king hilarious. can you also start twittering your every move.
I get it. You kind of make fun of yourself so that it justifies you running a photo of yourself talking to Kelly. That’s pretty stupid. And who the hell even took that photo, and where the hell did you find it? No one cares if you are a cool-guy-bro with the pro surfers. You apparently do (with some surfers at least). I’ve seen this kind of stuff a lot lately living in California. It’s like a race to climb Cool Mountain and everyone will say or do anything to help them reach the peak of coolness.
Um… I think you’re only halfway to “getting it” Jimmicane. It’s kinda hard to follow Samuel’s logic (might be generous to even call it logic) but seems like he’s making a joke about exactly what you are talking about: the race to climb Cool Mountain.
No one gives a rats asss if he hangs out with Kelly. Plenty of skanks can say they done that too.
but when he sez “Maybe I should post photos of me BROing out with super awesome, relevant pro surfers and then all you surf fans will be like, “Wow, you’re so cool, I wish I could be YOU!” And then clothing companies will give me money cause I heard being cool sells clothes somehow, like, magically.”
I think thats called irony.
Maybe you could just start as a freelance photo editor / graphic designer for some major surf company, da hui maybe?
I don’t know Lewis, but I know of him. He’s a good surfer and an even smarter guy. On the flip side, he’s a bit of a hermit, hasn’t ever really worked and tends to date surf chicks more likely to take off on wild trips with other dudes (on their dime) than sit at home and give him any action. While none of this is relevant, what Lewis is doing here is (i) taking the piss out of the posters who called him a sellout for pumping Gerr and his Primo endeavor and (ii) trying to find a legitimate niche in the surf world. I for one like Lewis’ writing and hope he figures out how to walk the fine line of writing truly interesting and honest pieces about surfing (not like the half-stories he’s given us about AI et al. on Surfline) without getting fully barred by those he is expected to cover.
or…you could just sit down and start writing some thoughtful, engaging articles on professional surfing.
…perhaps the entire surfing community could benefit from Kevin’s suggestion. except for STAB, of course, because if Jordy Smith’s cougar butt-fucking background isn’t thoughtful, then, really, what is?!
Amen to Kevin! but, Do we even want substance? Reality is harsh, but it’s no time to be in la la land either. Attention spans are short and yet still left wanting. Everyone seems more and more harsh towards their brothers/sisters… Jeez, I feel like a hippie. I don’t even own a hemp bag.
I don’t know who’s a bigger hater: You Lewis, or these guys: The Tahoe 10 thing is funny but straight mean!
And agree with Kevin, start writing serious articles again Lewis. Or are you saving those for Surfline and leaving the scraps with postsurf?
hey perez samuels i hear hurley and nike are interested.
i guess the reason i’m pressing the issue is because i agree with lewis’ assessment that the range of commentary one finds in the surf world is monochromatic. he’s right, surfers are sheltered from the types of criticism that players of other professional sports are subjected to on a regular basis. on the other hand, i’m not convinced that lewis’ talents as a writer are best served by taking on the role of chief snarky comment generator for the asp. sure, he’s the first person to connect the ever burgeoning celebrity gossip machine to something which is (relatively speaking) a subculture. But before you know it, the industry itself will be producing writers doing this kind of work because the demand for it will only increase. lewis, you let the cat out of the board bag! what i don’t expect to see, however, are articles that are genuinely transgressive, pieces that go beyond simple name-calling and probe the basic power relations of the surf industry. if you want to shake things up, lewis, you’re gonna have to use your head, dude.
burning your bridges before you even cross them… I think I get it.
kevin you’ve got some killer insight, unfortunately for “genuinely transgressive” articles to show up in the major surf media (are we turning into conservos, constantly railing against the MainStreamMedia?) said articles need a budget behind them… which means the puppet masters who pull the purse strings must see the demand (which kevin also mentioned).
so, we’re basically all fucked.
i think nick makes a good point. It’s fine and dandy to challenge Samuel to write real insightful articles instead of the silly posts he puts up hear. But part of the joke samuel seems to be making is that he needs to find a way to get paid to do that, and i doubt surf magazines will pay him to write articles about how lame the surf media and brands are. He’s already seems to be wasting all this time puting stuff up here, and there aren’t even any ads, yet. But I bet he will actually sell out soon enough if we keep reading his shit.
is that nick gerz?
You got enough ‘key words’ in that post, Google should pick ya up and drop you some hot SEO traffic. How is your page rank….never mind, don’t answer that.
Nice way to slip in some titties and kitties while the waves are flat at Snapper. Speaking of Snapper, maybe you could just drop us some voyeur pics of the lovely lassies at Snapper. That would do. I mean, after all, everyone wants to be a pro-ho so we might as well get a look at some ho’s who chase the pros.
hey sean slater why do you have to comment with the ’slater’ part? just write sean. everyone else uses their first name only
yo nick…said articles don’t need to show up on surfline.com to have an impact. it’s the fucking internet, bro, not newspaper journalism circa 1928. all you need is a blog, a dream, and perhaps some beer.
Lewis is a surf-intellectual (surfellectual)- he has a high IQ, reads books, the editorial section of the NYT, speaks 3 languages, knows literature, wine, and is full of sarcasm. Yes he is a wise-ass but he is mocking the surf industry, himself,…the whole damn thing which is highly amusing. Sit back and enjoy the ride- every sport needs a court jester-now we have ours. So many people get all fired-up on his articles-he must read these comments and just laugh (I got those monkeys again) In addition, the guy can surf…keep it coming Lewis.
Dude, I just spent the better part of a half hour flushing out the brick in my stomach (also known as the Baja Fresh “Burrito Ultimo”), while reading your posts. This special time used to be reserved for skimming past the 500 or so ads in the mags, hoping there maybe might be some insightful articles buried in there (which of course, there’s not). Anyway, now that I have laptop, I can better spend my time reading your slightly skewed view of the world of surf… And maybe watch a little internet porn. Either way, keep up the good work.
Why is the surf industry so closed minded? The whole damn thing is located in their little SoCal bubble. Fuck the surf industry, hope you keep keeping it real Lewis. Give us some better stories though, these flub pieces are better for the comments than the actual stories.
The surf industry isn’t closed minded, it’s profit driven no matter where that puts surfing. The So Cal opportunists are just better at anticipating what vapid people will purchase/obey. The lowest common denominator in 3D. Kind of like trestles after Surfline emotes a ’surf alert” to it’s minion of walking dead. Brain dead. The rag trade is about money, at everyones expense. How can we make money from that which we used to revere. The capitalism of the periphery, vultures eating their best interest. Unsustainability, the American Way. Just make sure you’re in early….
wow, we’re all so impressed that youve got a picture with slates… your a regular tom wolfe. noone cares what you do to make money, we wanna hear what girl surfers take it up the ass!
I’d be keen to find out which of the female pro surfers are lesbians? Actually to make the task easier and the list shorter maybe write which of the female pro surfers AREN’T lesbians?
Am I the only one who thinks Brad Gerlach looks like he could be related to the Unibomber? Yowzers.
You see it’s a challenge. How to be yourself and sell out too. $ get pushed too far and get dragged. What you see in Lewis is everyone’s eventual dilemma. It’s rare when an author admits he doesn’t even know what to do next.
Lewis is an author?
Whatever you do DO NOT call out Quiksilver and Bob McKnight. People wanted me dead after my short lived Surfing mag dot com blog.
Amazing iPhone yet again
Great article, I especially like what you had to say in the last paragraph.
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Great discussion. And I REALLY like that you practice what you preach. That’s when you can tell a post has come together.
And I’m also fascinated by how fresh you made the routine [admit it: what you just shared has been regurgitated millions of time. ;-)].
Ben Johnson said people don’t need taught as much as they need reminding.
Good work.
Aw, this was a really quality post. In theory I’d like to write like this too - taking time and real effort to make a good article… but what can I say… I procrastinate alot and never seem to get something done.