Hey Friends,
I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching lately. I don’t think it’s right for me to be so snarky and ironic and cynical all the time. Too much negative energy. I want to be earnest and heartfelt and optimistic again. I’m returning to my first, innocent love.
I’m offering fellow devotees a reader-supported labor of love:
THE BOOGER’S JOURNAL
That’s right. Enough of this corporate, rip-and-tear bullshit. Remember back when surfing actually meant something?
I’ll take you back to that time.
Remeber how good life was before you got married and had kids? Spend 10 minutes in the bathroom pretending your life was like that again.
Ever wonder if someone out there has a treasure-trove of unpublished blurry photos of people sitting around Sandy Beach in ‘77, or Laguna in ‘82? I’m gonna find those pictures and run 30 page articles with every one of them.
Remember when fashion used to be cool? Remember throwing peace signs while bottom-turning?
Remember when surf brands were so core that you wanted to personally allign yourself with them?
Remember those random pro boogie boarders for the 80s? I’m going to spend two weeks living with each one, and then publish in-depth profile pieces. Some of these old-timers might be really cool mellow family men now, and some might be misogynistic racists who beat their trailer trash wives and embezzle funds from the local Elk’s Lodge.
Either way, you’re gonna read 30 pages about each of these living legends who might as well be dead. They were born before you kid, so their life experiences are inherently meaningful.
But wait! There’s more!
This isn’t just some nostalgia trip. I’m going to bring you action-packed surf trips articles, where old heroes team up with young rippers who got teased in high school because they sucked at shortboarding, so now they’re soulful and artistic and have a deeper connection with nature than you because they hang out with living legends and surf shitty equipment on their bellies.
I know there’s people out there like me who care about the soul of surfing. So please subsrcibe! Send $150 dollars to PostSurf headquarters, and I’ll send you your first issue in about a year and a half.
awww… little Lewis making fun of another publication he can’t get published in… how sweet.
Doubleminded in all his ways.
You should of flushed this idea with the shit you were taking while “creative writing”
Wow, fantastic groundbreaking original content! Making fun of Alex Knost and then Boogieboarders. Next you should make fun of retarded people and maybe even the Polish race—that would be something no one’s ever done before.
AK might not be retarded but most boogieboarders are.
where the fuck did you get that picture of me you creep?
Personally, I prefer articles about “guys who might as well be dead” in The Surfer’s Journal to the alternatives of kookage in The Surfer’s Path and surf industry narcissism in Water.
“Oh, Marty, how many times do I have to tell you!!! Why do you read that PostSurf stuff when it gets you so upset!!!! You’re going to give yourself a heart attack if you keep reading that PostSurf!!”
Lighten up, Francis.
Sounds like samuel upset some of the boogie baorders who read postsurf.
Does this mean there isn’t really a Boogers Journal?
Because I already sent in my $150.
Damn.
Does this mean that I’m not going to get my 30-page profile after all?
who cares about boogers…apparently Poles are now a separate race.
Speaking of Water…long time between issues. Are they a victim of too much bro-brahing and not enough editorial content to stay afloat?
lets write about gay pro surfers, there are some, trust me, I know
I here Artie and Pirate Salsa were SLAMMING in the shorebreak at Red,White and Blue beach the other day. They were really gettin after it. Maybe Lewis should do an article on alternative lifestyle radical liberal same-sex couple bodyboarders who think they are intellectually and economically superior to everyone else in the next issue. Pirate Salsa and Artie could make the cover and finally get the recognition they fantasize about every night as they fall asleep in each others arms in their nasty apartment in the Castro district.
man, thats awesome…maybe you could do a super soulful piece on me sometime…i’ve been booging on these thin wood planks lately, and man, they just have so much frictionless soulful glide… they’re incredibly hard to ride, and you can’t really do anything on them, so you know they’re fucking soulful…i’m calling the alayas, and shit, they’ve got soul….so yeah, hit me up!
God must love your love, Mark. Did you learn it in that fancy book you suggested? Strange though that you know so much about the Castro.
Awesome post, you are too funny!
hooray for the insecure tool-herd that stand up surfing is becoming. original thoughts for sure
Artie, I must admit that I let you and your brethren suck me into a place that I regret swan diving into while at the same time admitting the height, projection and sick style of my swan dive. I truly feel that I let my emotions and my anger at your insensitive, non-factual and anti-hetrosexual rantings get to me. You f-ing pissed me off dude and I would love to look you in the eye face to face and let you know what a kook you are. At the same time I still admit a touch of respect for the passion in your convictions however wrong and completely mis-informed they may be. I understand buddy. You have felt out of place your entire life and you just dont feel the same feelings as the guys you grew up with. No shame brah. Grabbing a hold of one and growling is a desire that, according to government surveys, at least 10 percent of american males admit to.So, as we say in Alabama, ” let her rip tater chip!”. Go home tonight and kick in the door of your Castro district pad like David Eggers did at the 86 U.S, Open and force your fiery passion upon Pirate Salsa like you never have before. Tear that fuckah one new asshole bruddah! Charge!!!!
again, lots of description about the gay thing, which I find strange. I for one am not gay and don’t particularly like it, but it’s not my place to judge, nor is it yours. If you believe in the man in the sky I assume you’d defer to him to make the call come judgment day, yet that seems lost on most christians today. Again, if your rants are those of a true christian I’m happy I’m not one of you.
how did this turn into a conversation about sexual peference? are most boogie boarders actually gay? is ranting about them now classified as a hate crime? Maybe we need to have a Boogie awareness day, ya know, so they can feel better about dragging their dicks around.
Learn to take a joke…
This post has nothing to do with bodyboarders, but rather an overpriced magazine consisting of “you should have been here yesterday” articles and photos that weren’t good enough for the mags of the time. But hey, it’s collectible.
Mark, could you pick me up for bible study this afternoon? I was gonna walk, but I think you blew out my o-ring last night.
“I here Artie and Pirate Salsa were SLAMMING in the shorebreak”
I “here” that if your going to try and take a stab at a name on a blog site, that usually a literacy level over second grade helps.
I know this may come as a shock to you mark, but in the English language there are words called homonyms, which have the same sound but can be spelled differently and have completely different meanings! I realize this may come as a shock to you, but i understand that it can be tough being “mis-informed”….
Dennis, I was right there with you about the homonym, but then I noticed that you didn’t capitalize the proper name, Mark, or the first person pronoun, I. If you’re going to call someone out on their English, then you better write correctly when you do.
i bodyboard and i love this article..it reminds me of something PIT bodyboarding mag would have run.. no pro bodyboarder was safe from their articles.. ‘washed up pros’…’the God squad’ which poked fun at all the bible banger bodyboarders and the yearly roast they used to do on all the top pros nothing but shit talking cover to cover! miss that mag.
any bodyboarder that got upset over this is a kook.. those are some classic shots you dug up.. as well ..fun reading.
peace.
reminds me of the ‘new moves’ section of boogie knights (the bodyboarding vid, not the vid w/ marky mark’s prosthetic)