Posted by lewis on March 23, 2009 at 10:31 am.

You didn't have to be Nostradamus to see this coming.

For those of you had bets going as to when this would happen:

Surfline fired me on Friday due to last week's "Corporate Rage" post.

If any of you want a refresher course on "How the Surf Industry Works," this incident should serve as a convenient example.  Nothing we didn't already know... but a nice succinct study nonetheless.


For those of you who haven't read the post, please go back and take a look.  It's pretty mild, innocuous stuff compared to many of the things Surfline has paid me to write about pro surfers over the last few years.  Difference is, this time I expressed an opinion about Surfline and the CEO of Billabong, instead of an under-sponsored Brazilian.

So the word came down from the higher-ups at Surfline that my signed contract for 2009 was no longer being honored.  They specifically cited two incidents that led to my termination.

1) My Transworld post, in which I mocked one of their competitors for catering to advertisers, but in fairness noted "I get paid to write for Surfline, a website that also licks advertisers’ balls, part of the machine."

2) The "Corporate Rage" post, in which I mused that in light of recent incidents like the AIG scandal, "perhaps this is the wrong time for any CEO to publicize 100 Tavarua tubes."

I'm posting news of my termination simply to let readers know that they should not expect to find my writing (or my Power Rankings) on Surfline anymore.

I also want to clear up one point:  Many people will falsely surmise that Billabong and/or their CEO put pressure on Surfline, and this led to me being fired.  Surfline made it clear to me that this is not the case.  In fact, they claimed that no advertisers have contacted them with anything except positive feedback about PostSurf.

So... As to any lingering questions concerning whether Surfline licks advertisers' balls or not -- I think we've pretty much cleared that one up.


  • The Nug says:

    Total B.S.

    Well Lewis, I can’t say that I did’t see this coming. Now it is time to really take the gloves off.

  • Mac says:

    If you could just stop quoting low-average-intelect authors just to pretend you are cooler than Fonzie, i can honestly say: we love you man. keep up the good work.

  • stu says:

    Shame. Now please write the real AI story…

  • stu says:

    If Mr. Cote has any balls, he’ll hire Lewis to continue his rankings on

  • Jeaninho says:

    SHAME ON Surfline! ,surfline won’t be the same without the power rankings!

  • Beng says:

    This is pathetic. Maybe you were going off on Surfline a bit, but it is really insulting for Surfline to do this. It implies that Surfline’s viewers are too unintelligent to see that ads pay for the website.

    The Power Rankings bring traffic and interest to a website that is generally full of slurp-pieces. There goes any attempt to make Surfline into a legitimate resource for real news about surfing. I guess I have to stick to

  • Occy's Underbite says:

    Damn! Ain’t that some shit. Mr. Samuels, I must say that you are an exceptional writer. You have a gift, and whether or not I agree with all of your opinions, you add an interesting angle to the way we regular peasants view the surfing world. Plug on my good man, I’m sure something better will reveal itself sooner or later.

    And I’ll apologize to you for causing a ruckus the last few days with the other two readers of this blog. I was just feeling ornery and have been house-bound for a few weeks trying to recover from my appendix removal. I’ll refrain from contributing more of my stupid humorless commentary as I can see it’s stricken a nerve. I do look forward to reading your future posts though.

    In fact, if I ran into you changing along PCH at Ventura County Line, I’d properly and spontaneously fornicate with your earlobes. Not in a gay way… of course. No sir, just out of respect. Keep up the good fight.

  • Can Kicker says:

    No more “ball licking”! (just had to type that)
    I like the above comment re: taking the gloves off. Sounds good.
    Long Live Post Surf!

  • The Kevin says:

    So pissed. I’ve heard grumblings about Surfline for years on the SurferMag BB, but never paid much attention to it. I just wrote them a scathing rebuke about this shit. I don’t agree with everything Samuels writes, but fuck- you hire a writer for his objectivity, then you fire him for writing an objective (and in the current financial climate, appropriate) post.

    Incidentally, I wouldn’t put it past Samuels that this is a hoax. Is it April 1st yet?

  • chris cote says:

    Harsh. Sorry you lost your job, but I think it’s a blessing in disguise—like some of the no-name posters already said, you can really start going off, which you’ve done a good job at already. I look forward to some good muckraking and shit talking from you in the near future. maybe now you could divulge to us how Surfline juices their page-view and unique numbers for us—enquiring minds want to know.

  • chris cote says:

    Give a good deal and we’ll buy a banner ad on

  • Cyrus says:

    That is fucked Lewis. And I love the b.s. corporate line they gave you: “Many people will falsely surmise that Billabong and/or their CEO put pressure on Surfline.” They’re full of shit. Sad thing is they’ll find some hack writer now (or Marcus will start doing it himself) to write a power ranking, only maybe label it something different.

    Absolute props for being a true journalist Lewis, which is simply calling it how it is. Further proof that the corporate stench is, and has been, in the air in the surf industry for too long. Lost a ton of respect for Surfline today. And second what Cote just said about Surfline’s page-view and unique numbers. Let the truth set you free Lewis (unless they’re paying you through the end of the year not to talk)!

  • The Kevin says:

    I’d be willing to bet that Billabong hasn’t leaned on Surfline (yet), and it’s s strict corporate knee-jerk reaction to Lewis’ post and the “ball licking” comment. I remember reading that quip and thinking “Wow, Surfline must have some serious respect for the guy when he talks’em up like that”. I gave them a little cred for it. Silly me.

  • Heinz Phillips says:

    Can you follow-up on whether it can be confirmed if Paul Naude and AI did h-bomb together on the boat on the way out to Cloudbreak. Maybe we can ask AI to “come clean” on this one because as we have recent from recent articles on “coming clean” he is so good at “coming clean.”

  • Idunno says:

    Surfline is a fucking joke anyway after that trip to Mexico with the rock throwing. They closed down their message boards because too many people were calling out Sean Collins as a douchebag because of that trip. They literally silenced the critics by just turning them off. Stay classy, Sean. I already canceled my premium membership to your site which is shaping up to be the Friendster of the online surf world. Your predictions are already a complete fucking joke, the only time they get it right is when they predict 1-2ft slop.

  • Inside Man says:

    Not everyone agrees with Sean Collins perspective, or respects him for his “contributions”to surfing.

    Whether Lewis had it coming or not, this still says a lot about how little respect surfline has for its readers, and their ability to make adult decisions about the issues at hand.

    Let Sean Collins know how you feel - email him at

  • Heinz Phillips says:

    For the most part, surf journalism is so protectionist is is a joke. I think there is very little credibility. The “coming clean” article based on the interview with AI was just one example.

  • Mark Tyers says:

    Hey Lewis, sorry to here that you been fired by surfline over what I found to be fair comments (surfline do indeed do a great job of shoving advertisements in online viewers faces, which I don’t mind actually) which any employer with balls would have taken in their stride.

    I also got to agree with Chris Cote’s post (whether hes actually the TWS ed or somebody pretending to be him)it defo opens the doors for you to get your power-rankings published elsewhere (eg, which after all are essential reading for those thousands of fantasy surfers gunning for bragging rights over their mates and the slim chance of cash (if one of the Hobgoods doesn’t win it again!) not to mention people who just want a bit of in-depth insight into the latest CT contest.

    Anways long live!

  • SF says:

    Aloha, angry brothers…Get ready for even more crappy articles from surfline’s top talent Mike Cianciulli.

    Maybe they can convince legendary editor, Steve Zeldon, of 2x failed Water Magazine to start training for a comeback.

  • Kaiser says:

    Wait, are you telling me that Mr. Sean Collins didn’t proof read that shit before he posted it on his site?

    Get the fuck out of here!?! I don’t buy that for one flippin’ minute.

    To think, a man of his stature and bouy reading capabilities would find that article afoul without checking it himself. I am horrified about where this ‘free interwebs publishing-meets-corporate policy’ line is.

    What am I supposed to tell my children now? Shit, how am I to explain to little Johnny that the Power Rankings *MAY* not exist anymore?

    This is sad!

    In all seriousness, I am sure Sean Collins is a good businessman. I mean really, he’s gotta be. Wonder how the paid subscription business is for generally free information these days? Jesus - I digress yet again.

  • Bizarro Bassy says:


    Surfermag is willing to one up our kooky competitor and offer you a regular column to take the place of Scott Bass’s award-winning contributions. That guy is a true wanker in every sense of the word.

  • Kaiser says:

    Shit, gonna have some space freeing up on the site too!

    What to do?

  • dont jump of that building says:

    getting shot (see photo above) by a bunch of guys must suck, but look close and you’ll notice there’s actually a conductor leading what must be a wonderfully arranged orchestra.

    what’s on the other side?

  • seth says:

    Surfline made a judgement based solely on how it will affect their wallets and not their audience. It exposes they value exploiting us with paid advertising over conveying a good story. Keep calling out the system or it will continue to prey on the surf community for that almighty buck.

  • mark cole says:



  • pushingtide says:

    Nice Samuels.

    Why couldn’t we fire Surfline for exposing the Mexico spot? Why can’t we fire Surfline for their overblown forecasts?

    on and on.

  • moffet says:

    FUCK DENNIS TAYLOR! (i mean sean collins…)

  • Dude, you are pretty much my hero !

    I mean, what a way to state a point ! In fact it should have been you to quit not those wining “surfliners” firing you ! No irony in that for sure !
    I’m just concerned about your wealth now.. will you get back to your folks house? You should if that means you keep on writing here ! Anyone in the world wants you to stop criticizing surf industry so if you to get back to your folks to mantain this website, go for it !!

    Or maybe you should ask Stab for a job, they also like to complain and criticize…don’t they? (says my friend Miguel)

    Anyway, keep on, don’t stop and yes we are from Portugal, we read what you said about Tiago pires and still like you.

    Long live PostSurf !!

  • mistake :

    “ if you HAVE to get..”

  • Jimmicane says:

    That’s bullshit Lewis. You won’t be a free agent for long though. Bad call on Surfline’s part. Bad bad call. Let’s have a cage fight over you. Travis Ferre vs Chris Cote vs Joel Patterson.

    Ferre vs Cote would be an interesting match-up. Clearly Ferre would have the psychological advantage because he could talk dirty details about Chris’ little sister to get in his head. Then again, that could come back to haunt him if Cote went on a rage tantrum which might take Ferre out of the picture. Meanwhile Patterson could come out of nowhere and wail Chris in the back of the head with a metal chair handed into the cage by Rick Irons.

    In Fantasy Surf Magazine I’m going to pick Surfer as best bet landing spot for Lewis. They’ve got the perfect combination of budget and lack of good ideas to go all out and snag Lewis off the free agent market. They’re kind of like the Washington Redskins of surf magazines! Dan Snyder = Rick Irons.

  • Ted says:

    Yeah, fuck Dennis Taylor.

  • Nat says:

    Love your writings and ramblings, I hope the power rankings continue I enjoyed comments and perspectives.

  • Michael Kew says:

    Hello Lewis and friends,
    After a 15-year hiatus, I’m doing another zine (, for those of you who may be unfamiliar). The last zine I made was a surf/skate/snow/music thing called Fatty, published in 1994. Before that, I made a few different music zines between 1990-1993. And before that, from 1986 to 1988, I made about 20 surfing zines. They were entirely hand-drawn and unprofessional, to be expected from a pre-teen.
    Yet the calling has called again, and I’m putting some feelers out, seeking content donations (= no $ buyouts [yes, I am broke]) for the first issue of Nectar Zine. Nectar #1 will be black-and-white, photocopied (maybe on recycled paper), 8.5″x11″ (11″x17″ spreads), staple-bound, and ideally around 100+ pages. I’ll be making the whole thing–editing, design, production, distribution–but I need outside voices to enrich and broaden the scope of underground “surf journalism.” Perhaps you have something the “real” mags won’t/can’t publish? An interview, photos, travel story, shaping article, opinion, poem, artwork, etc.?
    Above all, this is a labor of love. Maybe none of you want to submit material for free, and, trust me, as a career freelancer who lately has found himself without much work in the New Economy, I know the deal. But for me, making a zine is innate, so it shall be done. I aim to make it a regular thing.
    So let me know where you stand. Nectar is going to be a fun project. If you’re interested, email me at
    And, Lewis, we’d love to have you aboard.

  • nuthugginbuttplugger says:

    I got fired today, and basically for the same kind of “lamb of god” save the big cheese type thing. At least you have a real job to fall back on. Keep the posts coming.

  • Your comments about the world tour are the best ones out there, dont let your power rankings die, and as your blog shows, competitive surfing isnt the only thing you can write about, keep it up…

  • marmar says:

    hmmmm. someone called you “LewDogg”, I kinda like that. Pen~name. Hence forth, you become “LewDogg”, ‘he who blogs with shit and a fan’. I think that name is kinda sticky, kinda-house-hold-like; sexx wax, A-frame, billabong, The Duke, extra yahda. Warshaw needs a new entry for LewDogg. HA.

  • Sean Collins says:

    Sorry Lewis. It was either let you go or Pauly “100 Headdips a session” Naude was going to go public about my trips to Thailand and young Asian boys. You should think of it as a chance for renewal. A Knost stopped by the office today and said he was looking for someone to write his autobiography. I mentioned that you were available.

    Toodles. I’ll catch you in the water.

    Sean “I own Barra” Collins

  • coco aine says:

    Thanx for speaking your mind. It’s not nice to be rubbed on your face how much it sucks to be unemployed while others are feasting. Gluttony is of very bad taste, now that’s effective brand association.
    Respect for standing your ground.
    Welcome to the club,

  • SF says:

    Fuck Surfline

    Old fucking codgers! Too bad they canceled the 800# for $2.00 minute south swell updates.

  • SF says:

    “Sean Collins” we know that cant be you posting, as that would require learning how to use a computer.

    Grandpa Sean, put down the dictation machine and pick up the keyboard.

  • Booty says:

    I’ll drive up to Shawn house and give him a good clean smoker so he not so stressed. I love surfline.

  • Nick says:

    That is fucking bullshit. I looked forward to the power rankings after every contest becuase it was the only place where you could actually find good insight about what went on. I lost all respect i had for surfline.

  • TCB says:

    I actually had respect for surfline and them sticking there face out there. Now I realize they are a bunch of soft cocks. I would say one of the mags should hire Lewis as a editor but we all know what pussies we have working in the industry. I hope this is the beginning of the exposing and the unraveling of the surf industry. Does anyone want to start a new mag?

  • matt says:

    that’s some horrifically predictable corporate action right there.

    i doubt they stopped to think for a second that your articles drive readers to the site, not dayglo ads — and certainly not Sean’s expensive (yet very average) forecasting (that can be had for any spot on the planet for free these days)…

  • mark says:

    So you are saying there is an opening at surfline? YES!!!! Can you email me Sean Collins number?

  • pushingtide says:

    It’s crazy that so many people hate Surfline but yet they are super popular. I guess there are a ton of kooky newbies that will pay for that shit.

  • SF says:

    The only brand more hated than Surfline is SURFTECH. I know many people that hate Randy French.

    Lets start a poll who do you dislike more:




  • Refreshing Rin says:

    Post the Power Rankings on PostSurf. They were the only worthwhile feature on Surfline, continue them here.

    If you write them, they will come.

  • shred lee says:

    I’d rather read this blog than surfline. Power rankings was the only decent thing they ran anyway and the camera at wavewatch is more reliable and works better. Carry on Lewis, but you may need some ads on your blog now.

  • A-train says:


    People like your thoughts and writing; don’t sweat it. You have an audience. Most writers do not.

  • 2-sides says:

    F Randy Billabong or whoever, and surfline. Nobody cares about those greedy cum sponges.

  • Ola Nyc says:

    Lewis needs to stop working for the man and get his own publication up and running. The surf world needs it.

  • At the risk of beating a dead horse, bummer for getting canned. But the silver lining is you have a rabid fan base and surfline has lost atleast one reader (unless I hear about some some mid-Atlantic videos, can’t help it). The fact that wherever you end up you’re bringing along a reader following right off the bat hopefully has some surf mags or wherever else you end up. Keep writing, though I’m sure that won’t be a problem and hope to see the new PostSurf Power Rankings after Bells.

  • Greg says:

    Your firing is another piece of evidence in my mind toward the conclusion that there does not exist any real surf journalism. How can there? Publications make their money through advertiser dollars; advertisers are surf companies, who pay professional surfers to put their brand’s sticker on their board. You go and tell an unsavory truth about a professional surfer, let alone a surf company, and you’ve effectively bitten the hand that feeds you.

    It’s a closed circle that keeps most of us fairly blind to what kind of people the world’s best surfers really are and to how the big surf companies are run.

    Sometimes I think, who cares? But other times I think I’d like to know and it’s unfortunate that no one is allowed to tell me.

    Thanks for being honest and trying though, Lewis.

  • Paul Naudee says:

    Dear Lewis Samuels.

    It is with great deep feelings of sadness that I bring to you this comment. I was not really upset by your post about me getting barreled and not spending the money wisely in the industry that has given me plenty of barrels. Heck, if I really wanted to I could have just purchased Surfline.COM and closed it down, its what I do I’m French. You really put me in a weird place, because now I look like the bad guy. People wont buy my AI 2 Boardshorts or my Giraffe Taj Boardshorts because of you now.

    Readers, I had nothing to do with this. Please buy our product. Billabong supports AI drug addiction and many other Hawaiian’s narcotics additions also. Oh, and I also want to go on more trips to get 200 barrels.

    Sincerely yours Mr Lewis.
    Paul Naudee

  • Jeff Schad says:

    As a fellow writer to the surf industry, I figured this was to be expected. Even though you toed the line you put your balls on them as well. And in similar fashion to the last real ASP critic, they were hacked off. Sorry to see it happen. In no other sport is media as tied to the corporate entities to make it so that real, honest opinion and editorial can be the death knell. The companies own the surf media, and in this trying time, sounding off with a timely editorial opine got you cut. What to do now?

  • PacNW says:

    Power-rankings were the only reason I navigated to their website (and from there, I did check out other articles and ads). But, if they are going to fire a journalist for posting an objective and honest opinion on a website which is not even sponsored by their company, then I for one am going to boycott Surfline and let all my friends, Surf-rider chapter members and local surf shop owners know why: It is one thing for them to make editorial decisions on work you submit for publication as an employee of their website, it is quite another for them to fire you based on something you wrote on ‘postsurf’. This is arguably an infringement of free-speech.

    It certainly speaks to the growth of your audience. Getting fired means you’re on the right track to something bigger and more transcendent. I see it as a natural progression in your authorship. Growing pains, nothing more. Keep up the bad work.

  • nateside says:

    See Lewis, I wouldn’t worry too much about Surfline…I happen to know that Mr. Collins tweaks surf reports depending on where he is going to go on vacation. You have impressive writing skills, and I think an American version of Stab should be started…I’ll help you if you want…or if your too lazy..keep the blog alive

  • Gary E says:


  • CJ Hobgood's Bible says:

    Sounds like you got too big for your britches.

    It’s one thing to be critical of pro-surfers, the contests they surf, and the industry, however it is quite another to bite the hand that feeds you.

    Good luck in your job search. I am surprised that Surfline didn’t let you go earlier.

  • mark says:

    This support for Lewis is great and all but it is beginning to resemble the ball licking that he complained about in the first place. P.S. If you were fired Friday why the David Eggars piece last night before the announcement today about your parting of ways with surfline? Also I didnt really feel the Eggars thing was that funny. That guy is a big target but it seems weird to pretend he is the other guy, especially the part about his parents dying of cancer when that isnt the case. I have met Eggars dad and he is a pretty tough dude. He would whoop your liberal ass in a heartbeat then casually wash his hands and not even mention it at the dinner table that night. P.S.S. Can I have a job if you start a new surfing site?

  • TS says:

    lame….i just canceled my surfline subscription…

  • Russian Hill Mafia says:

    Dave Eggers is a tough dude? What about the non profit he started for children in SF? I don’t get it Mark. Am I missing something?

  • Eamonn says:

    I just canceled my Surfline subscription as well - it was a waste to begin with, thanks for motivating me to do so.

  • mark says:

    I said his dad is a tough dude. You must be reading this blog at Arties place while watching Brokeback Mountain again with Pirate Salsa and the boys. Try to focus on one thing at a time.

  • Rich Bzztch says:

    Just heard the bogus news while drinking my 5th Heinekin and scoring an unbelievable 20+ day of surf in North Florida. Your power rankings gave this 35 year old wannabe hardcore the realest connection to his 9th grade D. Hynd fetish while getting busted by my old 9th grade teacher or my present restaurant owner while trying to manage his fine dining restaurant and reading the new shit at work when I find out it just came out. I love hearing about the tour which alot of peeps don’t and Warshaw and Matilda George just can’t quite pull it off. The old Sarge movies were crypt and your style has been the closest thing in years besides Hynds glory late 80s early 90s. Thanks for postsurf brotherman and keep up whatever you want to do. Good shit never last forever, Just ask Chapelle and Hynd but you still have mad juice. Smoothy up!

  • SmudeDogg says:

    Haha, the great voice of the silent masses has been silenced at Surfline.

    It’s pretty funny that you said that Surline licks their sponsors balls, then they took them out of their mouths just long enough to go Donald on your ass. Too funny.

    Good luck, maybe you can get a job at Transworld…

  • kevin says:

    fuck surfline. sorry that you got fired. keep the blog going and am sure that things will come of it.

  • BB says:

    I agree…Cote should hire you.

    I’m bummed that Surfrider sacked you, but, whatever, spilt milk, you’re better off.

    You’ve got a huge following and you’re entertaining as hell. Keep it coming, we’ll keep reading. Gonna have to find a place that allows you to maintain your journalistic integrity….good luck, hombre.

  • aquaturd says:

    you should work for surfer / fantasy surfer

  • aquaturd says:

    is surfline hiring someone else to write the power rankings?

  • Wow says:

    when reading that billabong/tav. article i had the same thoughts but figured i was just bitter and blowing things out of proportion, your post hit the nail on the head though and summed up my angry subconscious perfectly.

    retarded move on their part (if this is true).
    i wouldnt lose any sleep over it though, hang in there and keep us posted on your next move.

  • mark says:

    You working for Cote would be like A.I. and Slater having the same sponsor. I say go off on your own however rough it may be at first. I am sure that Artie would give you a place to crash and Warshaw might have a little piece work once in a while. Who wants to make big money now anyway? It will just vaporize in the form of taxes. Keep your reportable income under $40,000 or so and you will probably be getting $3,000 to $5,000 back per year from Robin Hood Obama. You can get drunk, kiss your dog, spew sarcasm and rat out in nor-central without a care in the world. Sometimes one door closes whilst another opens. Just keep in mind that if you take up Artie on his offer of a pad that you might end up charging BACKdoor on a day you want nothing to do with.

  • Eamonn says:

    Under $40,000? Try $250,000. You have to get your information from a news source other than Fox News, mark. You should the focus the negativity energy you have towards Obama and others that don’t share similar political and ideological views, and redirect it into something positive.

  • TS says:

    i’d encourage anyone who is angry or upset or whatever about this whole issue to send a quick note to surfline. they should be aware that this sort of behavior pisses people off…..

  • mark says:

    Under around $40,000 you dont pay ANY taxes and probably will get money back. You should watch news sources other than Katie Couric and Keith Oberbarn. Over $250,000 ( combined w-your spouse ) you pay around 8% more. In between it is close to the same but w-less deductions we will ALL pay more except the dope growers and trolls. You want to stimulate the economy? Let the earners keep more of what they earn! By the way there is a thing called THE CONSTITUTION that you might not have heard of. There is something in there called FREEDOM OF SPEECH. Something Sean Collins obviously doesnt believe in. And furthermore what kind of name is Eamonn?

  • Cameron says:

    Lewis–Come write for 5ones, we’d love for you to stir some shit up over there

  • Tanner Darkly says:

    Am I the only one wondering why the palm fronds and frankincense for a guy with a month-old blog and some Hynd-drafting “power rankings”?
    Here’s why.
    We’re hungry for a big, steaming soft serve of real.
    And, god love him, this crazy SF mensch brings it.
    Except when he engages in the comedic equivalent of pulling the sticks from epileptic mouths. His focus will improve with time.
    Word has it that he has a straight gig.
    A day job.
    A schlub scene.
    Don’t care what he does to make ends.
    Long as he keeps wood sheddin’, becoming a better writer, and snarking the shit out of the garish, stinking, baroque carnival that surfing has become.
    No, I’m not one of his bros strokin’ down.
    Their contributions, thus far, are a deduct on this fresh site.
    But what rad martyrdom on the pike of surf commerce!
    Spoiler Alert: turns out that if you ride for a commerce brand, the brand ends up riding you… but for pennies a word, not three hots and a cot.
    Don’t sweat it.
    You can’t land on your feet–you’re already on them.
    Vaya con dios, Samuels.
    Vaya Carnal.

  • bromandude says:

    samuels’ stock goes up!

  • Tanner Darkly says:


    I’m totally feelin’ you Bro. Your Red State cadence and Horatio Alger message had me seein’ you as a big hairy bear, baby.
    Then you used “whilst.”
    EEEEk! Ice water!
    That’s a fairy synonym for “while,” baby, and obvious queens just don’t get me past half-mast.
    But if you want some im’Palin, just bend like a paper clip and lisp, “Amongst those glaciers… Is that… Russia!?”

  • mark says:

    Yeah Tanner your right about Sarah Palin. Thank god Obama got elected and now we have a sharp, focused and well spoked vice president in Joe Biden.

  • Tanner Darkly says:

    Thanks, Mark.
    I can’t build on your response.

  • Trent says:

    HUGE deception with surfline!!

  • Arthur L. Titmouse IV says:

    I read this earlier today and come back to this post this evening and think to myself…oh boy, there’s going to have a lot of stupid political argumentative comments. Sure enough, it’s reached the ‘retard’ zone. But it’s impressive in its pointlessness nonetheless.

    Here’s my unwarranted two cents: no matter who is in charge of the goverment, nothing will change. Your life will be unaffected. You will still work your miserable job, go home to your nagging wife, and pray to jeebus that maybe, just maybe, she decides to have a little extra wine that night so perhaps she will let you fuck her. The country will continue to plunge further into debt, there will continue to be no universal health care, there will be increased poverty, decreased jobs here, outsourced jobs overseas, banks will continue to fail, the US dollar will continue to decrease in value, and the country will plunge further and further into the inevitable abyss.

    I for one, am already starting to learn Chinese.

  • Arthur L. Titmouse IV says:

    Stupid people should be allowed to vote, or fuck…but not both. Otherwise, “Idiocracy” becomes a documentary.

  • Marcelo says:

    When i was starting to get you..
    they ripped you off..
    shame on surfline!!
    who will write the next new{

  • Arthur L. Titmouse IV says:

    And if is your primary arena for political discourse, this country is in even worse shape than i thought…

  • Arthur L. Titmouse IV says:

    Please ignore my typos, for I am drunk. Like any sane person with an IQ over 110 past 6pm should be.

  • Tanner Darkly says:

    “I for one am learning to speak Chinese.”

    Bold move, Arthur.
    Will you make it a matched set and volunteer for sterilization while you’re at it?

  • Jesse says:

    you should keep the power rankings going here. and your site is probably popular enough to rake in a few ad dollars to make up for your loss at surfline.

  • Tanner Darkly says:

    …and pour me one next time you’re up.

  • mark says:

    Yeah Artie! I had a feeling that was you! I apologize for my continued immature ranting and raving. I have worked 21 days straight and the surf has SUCKED in Hawaii for 2 consecutive months during what is normally prime time. Something tells me that you are a good person and we probably have quite a bit in common. I know that you arent gay and I really cant explain why I went off on that subject. Anyway I feel that I have nothing left to say here. I hope you have a great spring wherever you live and that Lewis lands on his feet and our country changes what needs to be changed and holds onto the values that are worth holding onto.
    Aloha means goodbye Artie. You wont hear from me on this site again. In fact you wont hear from me at all until mid-April when my first top 44 review is published on surfline following the Rip Curl Pro at Bells. All Sean Collins and I have left is to iron out a few wrinkles in the ole compensation plan and it will be time to flip my current boss the bird and leave the sales business for good! G’day mate!

  • jarek thompson says:

    I say fuck the boycott of surfline (since none of us actually paid for it anyway) and instead boycott billabong! I actually make a decent income and spend a lot of my money on surfing and surf hard/soft goods (just ask Ian at ET surf, or Sam and the guys at A-Frame) and will continue to support the shops/brands that aren’t part of the problem. I don’t think that this boycott will hurt billabong, but it certainly will help the real guys running real companies that make boards (and clothes/wetsuits too) that have brought enjoyment into my life and help keep them in business.

  • RydrHi says:

    You owe me a $100 bucks…

  • ricardo fontes says:

    Power ranks rules !!
    keep going with it
    posting from Portugal

  • Rich Bzztch says:

    Does snurfline have a copyright on the Power Rankins? I’m sure your probably over it anyway after all this cyber banter but it most have been nice to get the buddy pass contest treatment which is an incredible perk. You can pull off the same shiite muslem with heats on demand tyoe style etc. Mahalo Culkin for the entertainment after every contest and pre season like the rookie shit. It was alot of fun, mahalo again bro.

  • Paul Naudee says:

    Dear Mr Samuels.

    I will pay you to be my board caddie for my next Tavi trips. Hey, business gets done there like the business that went down at Surfline. Your fired!

    Always yours.
    Mr. Paul Naudee

  • dennis says:

    that sucks dude. now they are going to get the retard who does the best 20 under 20 to do the power rankings too. its gonna be like well slater is good, and so is parko, and so its every other top 16, then as they go down the list keep saying how good they are and that they just need to improve. its absolutely beating a dead horse, but keep those power rankings going somewhere, they are way too good to fall by the wayside cause a fat shit got mad that you called out his extremely hardcore ball sucking

  • Old Kook says:


    Same as everyone else has said. Keep it up….you shed light on the dark turd of surfing.

    And for those of you numbnuts with political posturing…not here. I don’t come here for that crap, nor do most people. If I want to argue politics I’ll do it where I’m not trying to escape all the kinds of shit that led to Lewis getting shit canned.

  • tony kucoach says:

    that’s fucking gay. I like Sean Collins a lot and thought he was cool. That fucking blows. Power Rankings was the best article on Surfline!!!! Fucking bullshit. I am not going to renew my surfline premium membership and I will drop in on Sean Collins and his family every chance I get. Especially, at Scorpion Bay!!!!

    Chris Cote and Paul Naudee lick BALLS!!!! I will never buy anymore Billibong shit every again. So fuck you and you just lost an avid surfer in the 25-35 market! fuck transworld too!

  • chris says:

    102 comments, damn!

  • William says:

    It was a very stupid post. AIG´s scandal has absolutely nothing to do with Billabong´s CEO taking a trip on vacations WITH HIS OWN MONEY. I liked your power rankings, man. Its very clever writting. But this time you were both dumb and naive. Take care.

  • not mark because he quit says:

    Hey Old Kook. Are you really as f-ing stupid as you appear? The “political posturing” you refer to affects ALL of our lives in EVERY aspect of our lives. Want a crystal clear example pea brain? The Fairness Doctrine that hordes of democrats embrace was on ugly display with the Lewis Samuels firing. Do you really want the government silencing someone with a different opinion in the name of “fairness”? I dont have a ton of dough but I would be happy to give what I have to buy you a one way ticket to France with the only stipulation being that you stay there.

  • Kenny says:

    This is an outrage. Several people have had the same exact sentiment about this piece. It goes to show how you are on the pulse of the real surfing community. I’m not going to renew my sub. In fact, we should all call and tell them not to pull the stealth auto-renew. Somebody with more sense than me please post a clear script that we should use when calling. As for that Transworld, that was a shameless attempt at garnering favor with advertisers. Remember when people gave at least half a shit about their readers?

  • Needler says:

    I think you lost your job cause your drinking too much. Are all your best ideas based on a night on the piss?

  • Big Drop Bob says:

    Oops… Did a search for Lewis Samuels on Surfline and look what I found: an explanation of why Lewis was fired. Seems like there’s more to the story than just Lewis’ version.

  • dan phelps says:

    Your corporate rage piece was whiney and irrelevant. I experienced no joy from reading it. I know blog writers grasp at straws when needing material for a new post, but, its not the CEO of billabong’s responsibility to keep every mom and pop surf shop afloat during economic shitshow. Nor is it his responsibility to take every broke ass person who buys billabong’s clothes on a surf trip to tavarua. Now you’re unemployed too. In your free time you might be able to uncover a Paul Naude’s sinister links to the New World Order or find out how much he spends on his july trip to bohemian grove while poor surf shop owners suffer.

    Its not like your going to stop surfing during normal working hours because other surfers have to work nine to five.

    I did really enjoy your power ranknings, sorry to see them go. You should get a job at surfing magazine. The writing in those magazines borders on unreadable. You can pick up where derek hynde left off. I never thought I would long for the words of Matt George, but even he would be better than the uneducated morons who write for those mags. There is definitely a niche that needs to be filled and you are thoughtful and talented enough to do it.

  • josh says:

    Just another reason to stop reading surfline. Surfline Sucks!

  • Dudley Poor says:

    Wow, Big Drop Bob. You just “happened” upon this Surfline PR form and now “Seems like there’s more to the story than just Lewis’ version.”

    Maybe you just “happen” to work for Surfline, as well?

    I like Surfline’s attempt at explaining the firing:

    “Like many blogs, surf-related and otherwise, PostSurf quickly became an Op/Ed platform. And unfortunately, it soon became apparent that the site did not possess the standard of journalism that our readers demand from Surfline and that we believe is so important to uphold.”

    So, um like where do I start? First off they’re upset that blogs become Op/Ed platforms? And that blogs don’t possess the “standard of journalism that our readers demand from Surfline.” And now it’s their right to uphold those standards on sights other than surfline? And their readers demand a “standard of journalism” instead of Lewis’s content?


    So he was fired for NOT writing the truth, unlike all those other Surfline stories that are, like, totally not corporate blow-jobs.

    what fucking joke!

    email sean collins at the address someone else posted:

  • stu says:

    Freedom of speech? Fairness Doctrine? What is this post coming to? Anyone with a high school education knows these issues don’t apply to a private company like surfline in this instance. It’s a business decision and as much as we love him, I doubt they’ll miss Lewis.

  • chickenfingers says:

    Surfing needs more people like Lewis. Theres so many ass lickers out there making it impossible for any new voices to emerge. Look at Skateboarding, they’re more progressive as a sport and an industry because they allow outside opinions to be heard.

  • Brandy Faber says:

    I agree with Jimmicane’s comments above and we (Matix) would gladly pay to advertise on such a glorious smack down event. Maybe we could even host it on our site and charge a pay-per view webcast fee so we can get through these tough economic times and then dominate the action sports industry. Jimmicane, you could do the play-by-play and Lewis could be the color commenter. But of course we would have to fire both of you right after the pay-per view webcast due to some rather insulting remarks you made about our brand.

  • Sean Collins says:

    I am happy the real facts of the matter have finally come to light on this forum. Yes that’s right folks. Lewis did not meet the journalistic standards of Surfline. I’m not sure what the big deal is here anyway. It’s not like he bribed a small town mayor and employed a bunch of goons so he could enjoy a session with his bros at some world class break in….oh wait a second. That’s right. He called a gear guide an issue and then insulted one of our major sponsors. For that, he must pay the price.

    Sean “All Your Waves Are Belong to Me” Collins

  • Rob Conley says:

    Hi Lewis. I don’t know how this got into my newsreader but it did and its nice to see you are still surfing and calling it like you see it(I rather liked your article calling out showy executives during this economic climate). It was fun knowing you when working at Xpedior, and I look forward to catching up with you sometime soon. Perhaps over some modest Northern California peaks and a burrito. Cheers - Rob

  • stu says:

    what’s Matix?

  • Adam says:

    You should post the power-rankings on your own site without the pretty pictures and graphics… I’ll gladly go to your site to read them. It’s the only non-cam/report content on Surfline worth reading anyways…

  • Krayon Excelsior says:

    Lewis Samuels is a man of many skills. He will find gainful employment soon. In fact, he’s much to bashful to tell you all this in person, but he once inseminated a hot pocket and fed it to Sean Collins’ toddling nephew, who then pooped out a deck of nudie-girl playing cards that was missing the Jack of Spades. Ironically and simultaneously, Criss Angel’s coked-up carcass pulled the missing Jack of Spades out of a slobbering dolphin’s blow-hole, while levitating off the end of a pier in Thailand.

    And THAT’s why I would vote for Mr. Samuels as president of my country.

  • Kaiser says:

    Can we get some WCT, er ASP World Tour, pro to jump in here and make a comment?

    I bet they could get +5 in the Power Rankings? Unless they are sponsored by Billabong, then +10.

  • Steven Spack-holie says:

    Oh no. Power Rankings was the surf bible. Im sure you just dont understand why it happened. The economy is tough. Surfline is one of the greatest inventions and makes me happy.

  • bromandude says:

    here’s the form letter that sean collins is sending out if your write him about lewis getting canned:

    >Hi Bromandude,
    >There’s more to the story. Like you, I was very supportive and
    >respectful of Lewis Samuels’ writing and his willingness to be very
    >independent in his opinions and thoughts. Unfortunately there have >been repeated instances where he strayed from the facts and published >things that were simply not true in his attacks on various people >and/or issues. Whether the target of that style of reporting is a >well known celebrity, a company, you, your friend, or simply a >no-name guy just trying to catch a few extra waves, we can’t support >that kind of
    >reporting in any way.

    >Lewis is a very smart guy and has the capabilities to be a very good
    >journalist. Like you, I’ll also miss his contributions to Surfline >and we certainly wish him the very best. Below is an explanation from >our Editorial Team and I do support their decision to let Lewis go
    >considering the circumstances.
    >Best regards,
    >Sean Collins

  • Jabimi says:

    I’m sorry about my English…Lewis, keep on writting, and keep on surfing…the power rankings are still alive in your blog, keep on writting them….

  • TS says:

    my recent email interaction with sean collins:

    ME: firing lewis samuels was a bad call. power rankings was the most interesting thing you guys have going. i’ve canceled my subscription and i hope lewis goes on to bigger and better things. have a nice day.

    SEAN COLLINS: There’s more to the story. Like you, I was very supportive and respectful of Lewis Samuels’ writing and his willingness to be very independent in his opinions and thoughts. Unfortunately there have been repeated instances where he strayed from the facts and published things that were simply not true in his attacks on various people and/or issues. Whether the target of that style of reporting is a well known celebrity, a company, you, your friend, or simply a no-name guy just trying to catch a few extra waves, we can’t support that kind of reporting in any way.
    Lewis is a very smart guy and has the capabilities to be a very good journalist. Like you, I’ll also miss his contributions to Surfline and we certainly wish him the very best. Below is an explanation from our Editorial Team and I do support their decision to let Lewis go considering the circumstances.
    Best regards,
    Sean Collins

    ME: thanks for the lame standardized form letter douche bag….

    SEAN COLLINS: My pleasure…

    ME: whatever…people are pissed off at you. this is just one more thing to add to your recurrent lameness in the face of the surf world in general…..barra, scorpion bay, your over called swells that are almost always a let down. i’m over surfline…..later

  • Steven Spack-holie says:

    what do you mean? i feel like surfline did the right thing to protect their industry. also, surfline always hooks up the best swells.

  • Jackson says:

    We make lie in the beds we make.

  • artie says:

    well said, Jackson.

  • stirling says:

    yawn. bye bye

  • dingo says:

    For a culture/industry founded on an “alternative” view and way of life to that of the “mainstream”, it seems hypocritical that you’ve lost your job for providing an alternate view on all things mainstream surf.

    Keep up the good work LS, the whole surf industry is a wank.

  • SickShots says:

    Well, Lewis there are over 100 people that responded to this. Looks like a pretty good following to me. Keep it coming!

  • Brooks says:

    Surfline is dead to me.

  • beer fueled mayhem says:

    lewis, you were the only readable surf “journo” this side of stab. Surfline’s reports are about as accurate as those of a syphillitic badger, and those cunts actually have the audacity to charge money for them? They cater to the kookocracy, fuck them and their ilk- rather than writing for these vampires, might i suggest procuring profit in a less shameful fashion, such as selling heroin to the children of single mothers?

  • to that rightist christian fuckwad- I shit on your bible, wipe my arse with the pages, let them ruminate in the bowl, then shit on the lot of excrement flecked fallacy once more, then flush, if possible.

  • Robin York says:

    Lewis, I absolutely and unequivocally extend you my support for calling it how it is. You have real journalistic integrity and that is a rare thing these days. Big up to you, mate, seriously. This firing will turn out a blessing for you, no doubt about it.

    One love,


  • marks good friend says:

    Hey beer fueled mayhem! You seem like a really centered, together, happy human. Congratulations on having reached a point in life where all appears to be right in the universe. I can hardly imagine myself as content and sure of who I am as you seem to be.

  • Ninja West says:

    Sean collins is a kook and a lair of hype. Surfline hype a swell for the weekend even though the swell is schedule to hit per say “Wednesday” of the following week by NOAA. Many have drove to a bay south of the boarder, only to a arrive to see Mr. Collins on this way home and the swell moving on as well. And all the kook ads one must sit though just to see a cam or what ever. Even better is when Surfline seem to go on the frizt as a Hurricane or swell is to arrive. Surfline = kook= s.collins Learn who to read NOAA and put Surfline out of business along with Kooksilver and watering hole …found barns.

  • Alison says:

    God, you people can whine! I worked for Surfline for a little over 8 years, and I still consider them family. Man up and quit your bitching. Business is business - and you can get fired for anything. It’s called ‘at-will employment’.

    I’m sure it sucks for Lewis, but to use this as a platform for the “Surfline-sucks-they-hype-swells-greedy-corporate-bastards” bullshit is lame. It’s been done - to death. It’s 2009, people. Give it a rest.

  • MedRat says:

    Write on Bro!! good for you calling out corporate surfocracy. Get up with Wetsand to do a forecast and bring surfline down and expose them for the kooks that they are

  • Eduardo says:

    You screwed up, Lewis. You’ll miss you, but you screwed up.

  • Dave Mailman says:

    Hey Lewis! Looks like a lot of people are big fans and fired up about your firing from Surfline. Keep writing the Power Rankings and put them on Post Surf for $2.50 per download. No advertisers, just devoted followers! Think about it. As for me, no more Surfline, but it is… I’m too old for TWS! Sorry Coté!

  • Grab a copy of ‘Nausea’, Sartre. It’s all about perspective, just like your post.

  • Bruno says:

    What’s up Lewis?
    At least you had the guts to write what you really think about this whole robotized surf industry.
    They believe they can rule the news that are published on surfmags, fact is, they’re fucking wrong.
    I think surfline elected you as the only responsible for the outcome of the article, that got surf industry and some pro surfers pissed.
    That’s a shame they didn’t stand up for you, but probably, surfline came up with an excuse that they didn’t authorized the article, and later licked the balls of the major surf brands, firing you.
    Keep it up bro, never give up.
    Don’t forget to write the Power Rankings, but with a sharper tongue now.
    Just as another guy said earlier, tells us the real story on AI now.


  • jiggy jig says:

    so, the only worthwhile bit of writing on the whole clusterfucked surfline shit hole web page is gone? Shit, I hardly feel like ripping them off with pirated names and passwords anymore. Sean Collins never did have sack. Just another industry pole polishing wank. What a surprise.

    As for the real AI tales, Stories about trailer park pros overdosing on h on their 21st birthdays while on a boat trip are a dime a dozen. Forget has been exposes and focus on the here and now and the future.

    Alison, you’re a dumb cunt who sucks the balls of industrial strength surf industry ball suckers. How low can you get? I’m sure they consider you “family” too. Just before they blow a load down your screachy throat. Wake up and smell the clorox and mushrooms on your breath.

  • Eduardo Rules says:

    “You screwed up, Lewis. You’ll miss you, but you screwed up.”

    Most insightful post yet…

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