If you don’t live here, don’t surf here. It’s simple enough, really. It worked in the 70s and it will work again now. Here’s why: the environment.
If you want to help save the earth, stop driving for surf. Surf in front of your house. Don’t paddle out anywhere that you can’t walk or ride your bike to. Period. What’s that, you say? There aren’t any good surf spots close to your house? Well fuck you then. Beat it. Take up rollerblading. If you don’t live here, don’t surf here.
Localism used to be about selfishness. But times have changed. We’ve matured. Now localism is all about selflessness. If you care about your children, and your children’s children, you’ll stop releasing carbon monoxide into our atmosphere just so you can get a better peak on your brand-new toxic funboard wearing your petro-based wesuit. Fucking kook. What - you think you’re so special that you can piss on mother nature just to surf my spot? Maybe you’ll pollute less once I knock some of those straight white teeth down your throat. Your disposable income will go towards reconstructive dental surgery instead of a single-fin hull. Kook.
I travel all over the world for surf. And everywhere I go, it’s the same story: barneys on funboards and SUPs clogging lineups and disrespecting mother nature. Do you know how many petrochemicals were used to make that pop-out SUP? Or that paddle? Or those webbed gloves? If you cared about the environment AT ALL you’d have your wife with the silicon implants run you and your SUP over with your SUV. Or at least learn how to ride a garage sale 5′10″ like me. My 80s board has maybe 1/3 the toxic foam of your SUP, and it’s reclaimed foam at that.
Kooks. Photo: Jeff Divine
Luckily for me, I’m kind of a local everywhere I go. Whether I’m surfing San Diego or Snapper Rocks, I tell kooks the same thing: If you don’t live here, don’t surf here. Either that, or drive your hybrid to the beach with as many friends as it can fit, with all your hybrids strapped on top. Fill it to the brim like a fucking clown car, kook. At least we’ll know you’re trying to be cool then. Me? I’m riding an alaia, and I abort fetuses in my spare time. So I’m doing my part for the environment.
But you? You disgust me, polluter. Fucking kook.
This train wreck of a post reminds me of when that one chick was lip syncing on snl and got caught. This is ugly Lewis. Why dont you just park it at pue—ci— and give up on blogging for awhile. You are fried dude. Surf for 4 hours in the a.m. then grind a huge breakfast then roast and sleep then surf 3 more hours. Put sarcasm and the art of being an asshole on the back burner. Surf till your armpits are bleeding! Get barreled Lewis! And chase a local girl and read a couple of books. Refresh yourself buddy then get back on the program and ROCK!
Listen to someone LS.
I hate to break it to the ‘Somebody’s’ above, but this post was all about Lewis Samuels throwing a brass doorknob into a pile of horny retards. He’ll be glad to see the gleam caught your attention.
I would tell you to go eat a dick if it wasn’t cannibalism.
What the hell. Do it anyway.
If you don’t live here, don’t surf here. It’s simple enough, really. It worked in the 70s and it will work again now. Here’s why: the environment.
That is clear and straightforward.
hey rottmouth and lewis- listen to someone. Bravo
^^You really don’t get it do you?
Your mind’s as dense as a waterlogged manatee carcass.
Wish I was going to rte llo
Good times…
Lewis hit the nail on the head (or is that the kook in the mouth?) with this one. Everyone knows that real locals don’t own cars. They are like water sprites who have been entrusted by the belevolent mother earth to take care of certain spot, so of course, they live within skipping distance of their preferred breaks. Also, real locals don’t have houses, they live in sea caves and cavort with dolphins and turtles in the moonlight when no one else is around. Livin the dream, man, livin the dream. A real local should always have a beard, even women locals, because it makes them more menacing when giving the stink eye or, “regulatin’” as they like to call it. Pity we didn’t have some locals to regulate our stock market over the past couple of years. Little known fact: localism is one of the greenest movement in the world, second only to tree sitting and, surprisingly, baby seal killing in Canada (noxious seal farts destroy the ozone layer at a rate of 40 kilometers per cubic foot of gas). And…AND, any time a local does burn fossil fuel — like setting fire to a kook’s car while regulatin’, all he has to do is punch a kook in the face and BAM! He instantly off sets his carbon emissions. Man, Lewis, when you are right, you are soooo right.
That shit was funny as fuck! you fucking jesus freaks need to find a new blog!
Truer words have never been spoken - i knew my hatred was coming from a good place.
Keep up the good work Lewis and consider every long-winded, hate-filled post as a feather in your cap.
Split kooks!
Do you believe in using the aborted fetuses for stem cell research?
I believe aborted fetuses make great jam for my whole wheat toast.
Lewis’ post saved my morning as I began work.
And dare I say it… Rotmouth, good stuff.
Please never visit this site again if you didn’t find that post funny.
To all visiting surfers,
With all due respect, if you don’t live here, please don’t surf here. Seriously, we have a hard time getting waves already and with more people out it makes it that much more difficult. That being said, we kindly ask for your cooperation—if you don’t live here (within a 50 mile radius of this break), please surf elsewhere or wait till we get out of the water. Either way, we respect your decision and hope you have a great session. Hopefully it won’t be here, but if it is, we’re glad you had fun.
Respectfully,
The Locals.
Wow, who would have thought - Earth Friendly Hate.
Eat, drink coffee and surf more right where you live. Not much thinking required which is good since it leaves way more time for rabid ramblings of rage.
BTW- Carbon Monoxide is pretty nasty stuff, but CO2 is the real problem for the planet, especially from flying to Snappers…
Get to work Postsurf groupies! Or go outside and do something positive or negative, at least go do something!
HAHAHAHA!!!
I agree all these guys from Marin and San Mateo should be surfing the Cron instead of infesting OB Lineups when our shitty beach break lights up for 40 minutes a day. I stopped going to santa poop a long time ago, i let those guys have it.
However, what makes Lewis a local everywhere he goes? Thats a bunch of bullshit.
PoopPants?…PoopyBrain is more accurate.
Some people’s inability to infer and pick up on sarcasm is appalling.
PoopyPants, please read Rotmouth’s comment at 10:07 pm. It applies to you too.
10 most local areas to surf:
Anywhere in hawaii,Californication, Rhode Island, Canary Islands,Puerto Rico, Marubra, although Koby Abberton is a true surf ambassador- no localism at “ours”, a right-hander in Botany Bay. The Bra Boys invite you to surf their break anytime- and I really respect that. Locals deserve respect- vistors should earn respect.
this article was pretty amusing, but samuels is on crack….oh ok yah just because samuels says so im gonna stop driving up and down the coast to score the best surf. ya right. what about the chemicals and toxic materials used in making computers? if people were so environmentally conscience they wouldnt have a computer to view postsurf.com and nobody would know who the fuck u are….
and how are u a local everywhere u go? DELUSIONAL!
samuel lewis is a hater- aborting fetus’s… what an angry person. bye and bye promoting texting while driving (TWS) and even joking about aborting fetus’s in your spare time- not exactly surfline material. Nor is going on and on about Ricky whitlocks amature gigilo antics- I agree, it’s not quality journalism. however clean cut and bogus surfline is on just about everything, no one would have expected for them to have been promoting this shit (LS) for long, in fact, like everything, lewis getting fired was just a matter of time- kinda how a lot of people knew beforehand that the “surf” industry (contests, sponsorships, huge contracts) would have horrible consequences for the people who just want to surf uncrowded waves when it’s good and catch some stoke. Now I want to shape an alia so I can manifest hate so pure. KOOKS aren’t going anywhere if you don’t run over one from time to time or shoot your board to get the message across. All in all, aborting fetus’s isn’t exactly where you should be going with this is all I am saying. I’ll continue to say abort kooks and SUP’s, not the unborn.- America is gonna lose the population race as it is, not saying everyone should go have babies irresponsibly, but fuck.. work hard, get a good job and raise a family… cause who is really gonna take care of you when your old and feeble LS? a super hot chick in her twenties? you better learn how to whipe your ass with 100 dollar bills till then. Cause, (as many in the surf world know…) hot chicks don’t dig old guys for the pure love of old wrinkly balls.
you’re retarded…..
The last few comments here made me go permanently cross-eyed.
So… there’s that.
best thing i’ve read in awhile…ahahaha…i can see it now, free carbon credits with every surftech purchase at your local Ron Jon surf shop
Thanks Lewis for being my muse of the day: http://theextremescene.com/blog/economy-environment-and-localism Apologies in advance for the shameless plug, our site’s still new (even though our show’s nearly six years old) and I’m being a whore in trying to spread the word.
This blog has officially bored me. Go back to surfing your father’s womb.
Poopy pants is from LA
Must be a LA TRANS GENDER
LA local boy turned city FAG.
Marin and San Mateo guys have more right to OB than you do.
Glad you don’t come down the Santa Cruz
cyrus, we hate your show and your website
that was a little mean, sorry
As I’m coming to realize, the comments are better than the articles here. The blog was sort of funny, but as usual is ironic to the point of not really expressing any opinion and I suppose that’s the point. Speaking of points and localism, I love this anecdote–Ratboy giving waves to cool people who can surf and another local yelling at everyone and surfing like caca. How does that fit into the scheme of things? Also, what about the dorks down south who are born on the beach to rich yuppie parents, when working class people are forced to live inland? I’d love to hear a forum on that one. It’s going to become an increasing problem in California.
FU LA haters! Ocean Beach belongs to the hipster uni-geared and uni-browed. Go back to San bruno or I will get my lesbo girlfiend to kick your ass.
That’s easy, Bitchin’…if you don’t live there, don’t surf there, just as LS proposes. There will be a wave pool in Corona one day and all those dummies who didn’t go to college will be golden. BTW, working class people aren’t “forced” to live inland. There are lots of beach towns across the county that support the working man lifestyle (O’side comes to mind, but that’s just a quick example in a very small part of the world - I’d imagine every white-trash coastal town in Florida offers the same and don’t even get me started on Alabama beach towns) and, let’s be honest, most working-class stiffs can perform the same menial tasks anywhere they go.
I dont understand this guy Stu. Do you feel that someone who wants to surf more than anything in the world and thumbs it for 40 brutal miles to the beach not knowing what awaits him is less deserving than the son of a corporate titan who can see 56th st. from his bedroom? I agree that once someone is on their own they can live wherever they want but not when they are growing up. They are stuck with wherever their parents live. This guy Stu sounds like your typical local snob that has his little spot dialed but would get eaten alive if he ever ventured out onto the big stage.
Stu couldnt hold my jock strap.
Stu sucks!
this had me laughing. so nuts how people get so upset about this stuff.
However if you do drive miles to a surf spot in your hybrid with 5 of your hybrid bros and paddle out next to a guy sitting alone that walks/lives on the spot try to show some respect
Stu, I will continue to surf places where I don’t live, sorry. I’ll always respect the loc dogs, especially the ones who surf well and respect others. As a son of poor farmers, I will spray the snot nosed sons of the ultra wealthy. They own not the ocean. Stu, would you kick a native American who was learning how to surf out of your spot? Whose the loc dog there? What if Bob Dylan paddled out? He doesn’t live at your spot, but would you give him a wave because he’s Dylan and he wrote Like a Rolling Stone? Can you comprehend such complicated thoughts? Am I confusing you?
Let me guess, Someone grew up in the same cookie-cutter city that shits forth thousands of balloon mortgage paying train-wrecks who schlep their sorry asses between the inland empire to the smog enveloped high rises downtown, before stopping of for a gasoline refill of the eighteen gallon tank every damned day? These hopeless dopes who are all hopped up on the latest buggery distraction blown at them by the Consciousness Industry in order to keep them, and you, complaisant and willing to not merely vote, but to work tirelessly and assiduously your entire career, at some vacuous job, that is most certainly not in your best interests; one that is also predicated on the permanent destruction of irreplaceable resources… all so you can invade LA’s pristine beaches with your homies who are just as stupid and worthless as you? Oh yeah that, my friend, was the world’s longest run-on sentence.
So do not trifle with us here. We are not haters - we don’t hate you - you simply fill us with disgust. When we look upon the likes of you, molten vomit climbs up the back of our throats. Again, it’s not that we hate you - you simply make us ill.
For you are a cancer; a horrible spreading mass of malignant idiocy, whose very existence acts as a net subtraction on the sum total of human knowledge.
So, in a few words, kindly go fuck yourself, you stupid ignorant two-bit lout. I suggest you stop surfing and learn how to grow vegetables.
Oh, and implied irony can go suck a big one too. heh.
Something tells me this guy Blasphemy Rotmouth has never surfed big waves and never satisfied a hot chick.
Something tells me Jeff from Fremont doesn’t have all his teeth and always satisfies his pet ferret. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Bro I will meet you at the 7-11 on the corner of Mary ave and El Camino in Sunnyvale ANYTIME! Just let me know when B.R.!
Cool Blasphemy. All us Oakies will just move to your pristine LA Beach and grow our vegetables there in your backyard where we will pitch tents outside your canyon condo with Weiland whale photos hanging over the fireplace. Are you referring to Little Dume? Is your real name Matthew McConaughey? If so, you were great in Dazed in Confused, but you seem even more dazed and confused right now. By the way, Dylan does live in Little Dume I have heard, but I would spray Jacob because his songs aren’t that great. I will drive straight out the 10, through the desert just to throw sprays on Jacob Dylan at your precious beach that you own. My friend has keys.
I believe my point up at the top has been proven true… once again, by some of the regular retarded readers of this site.
Thanks guys.
Next topic?
The Meek KOOKS Shall Inherit the BEACH
Psalms 25:8 Good and upright is the LAIRD: therefore will he teach sinners in the way OF SUP-ing.
9 The meek KOOKS will he guide in judgment: and the meek KOOKS will he teach his way TO SUP.
Psalms 25:12 What man is he that feareth the LAIRD? him shall he teach in the way that he shall choose.
13 His soul shall dwell at ease; and his seed shall inherit the BEACH.
9 For evildoers shall be cut off ON THE SHOULDER: but those that wait upon the LAIRD, they shall inherit the BEACH.
10 For yet a little while, and the wicked shall not be: yea, thou shalt diligently consider his place, and it shall not be.
11 But the meek KOOKS shall inherit the BEACH; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of SURF.
Psalms 37:18 The LORD knoweth the days of the upright SUP-ers: and their inheritance shall be for ever.
Psalms 37:22 For such as be blessed of him shall inherit the BEACH; and they that be cursed of him shall be cut off ON THE SHOULDER.
Matthew 5:5 Blessed are the meek KOOKS: for they shall inherit the BEACH.
dylan don’t surf
every time you get barreled you fuck mother earth in her blinky hole. Stop it. Leave it to me. I’ll take the blame
I live at the beach but drive a huge truck around the block before every surf just on general principle. Real surfers maintain their carbon footprint. Miki Dora had it right. Fuck the dolphins.
cap and trade will lead to the taxing of surfing, just wait and see.
global warming is a GOOD thing, it is a natural cycle that is neither our “fault”, nor anything we can “fix”
just go surf everyday
Cap and Trade makes sense to me. Of course trading caps with a smokin young hard body surfer from Cali sounds like a blast too.
sure I’d kick an Native American who was learning to surf. He doesn’t live there now and, let’s face it, even his ancestors came from Africa once upon a time. It’s not who’s first, it’s who’s there now and every day that counts. Don’t whine to me if you can’t afford to live near the beach in SoCal. Instead, just pick up and move so some crap flat in Virginia Beach and make yourself a local.
I would differ with Stu on one point though. Corona will never have a wave pool and anyone who lives there will be hosed forever, even the rich ones who could move their kids to the beach but don’t.
Ummm. What Artie said.
…I’m bursting out of the ocean!
LUCA NOT DEAD…
Lewis,
I am truly ashamed of you. For such a (somewhat) original voice in the surfing literary world, you sure take a boring angle on a tired topic.
Really? Ranting about localism and wetsuits and surfboards and the environment?
I suppose you ride a board you carved from a single block of driftwood and instead of a wetsuit, smear fecal matter all over your body to retain heat? Please.
To quote my idol, Mr. Burns from “The Simpsons”, “Mother Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she’s losing?!”
If you can’t spot the kook within 20 minutes of your paddle out, guess what? You are the kook.
Artie, as much as I’d like to agree with a premise of yours, my bro’s in Virginia beach have been scoring…. fucking unbelievable. Meanwhile, the lake I paddle on everyday is doing it’s best impression of a small pond.
And if Corona builds a wave pool, I’ll drive. And the “rich” are so upside down after spending their “equity”, a move to the beach isn’t happening anytime soon as the bankers noose tightens.
If Jiggy is correct about fucking mother earth, I’ve had a celebate year! FUCK!
Gotta go, Surflie.com is posting a new “Groms Attack” video!!!!!!
Mike - I think Artie’s point (in line with my own) was that if you can’t live at the beach in Newport, you can always move to Newport News. Have to laugh at your upside down comment though. The “rich” folks who are now upside down were never really rich at all - they were just pretending to be rich. I love a good shakeout and can’t wait for all the failed fat fucks living atop the hill in places like Carlsbad etc. to flee back to Ontario where they belong. Particularly if they’re Native Americans.
seriously why dont u put down your real name? this is bullshit what are u scared of? just put your name down and stop being a pussy
One last thing, Matt Damon brings up a good point.
Another qualifier for being a kook is if you subscribe to Surfing.
Hey MD, when are you putting out the “hottest 100 under 10″ issue… now that’s good reading.
Stu, what a shame North County has become…… and you’re right, no excuses in Newport because the ghetto is alive and well and filled with escapee’s from their parents bad decisions.
Our economic recalibration is a sobering reminder about unsustainability. The bourgeoise lifestyles of the near famous and uber cool in Orange County find themselves in an invisible jail cell of their own construction. Trapped to a cubicle desk, scared to open the mail and desperately clutching the trappings of their “success”, a generation of entitled, “young” republicans sink under the weight of their blind consumption.
And when everyone is so cool, is anyone?
who give a shit if anyone’s cool? I’ll be golfing tomorrow, spending money I saved, not borrowed, while my neighbors go into foreclosure. I guess that makes me cool.
It makes you smart.
I don’t completely understand what you guys are talking about. Whether you stretched your finances or you’re already a local, it’s expensive to live by the beach, period. Locals are getting displaced, new people move in. Their offspring might be the same kids telling you to beat it. This article was written on April Fool’s, and I understand LS is Jewish, the archetypal roaming outsiders. I seriously doubt his article is from a serious slant.
yeah, but just because it’s expensive doesn’t mean we should let clowns from all over drive to the beach and surf. use the skate park out there in North Hollywood if you’re bored.
Archetypal (?????) roaming outsiders………. that own the banks, media and American government. Oh yeah, them.
Excuse me, gentlemen - read between the lines and you’ll get the irony of it all. And even if you don’t, don’t take it too seriously. After all, this is still someone’s personal blogs you’re reading - LS can keep writing whatever he likes. And if you don’t like it, then leave it. Pretty simple.
Enjoy Bells, LS. Me says so.
If you walk to Seaside or Lunada Bay the boys get super stoked on your minimal carbon foot print and are more than happy to share a few waves with you. No need to bring a 6er or doobies anymore. Heard the Rip Curl boys are going to get the tour to swim to Barra this year. Not sure what the Barra thing has to do with localism but at least the top 44 wont need to pay those fucked up board fees and are being green all at the same time.
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