I’ve been pondering subtraction. It’s an appropriate subject for foreign shores - as Americans, we’re raised to focus on what we can add to our life, instead of what we can take away. We’re a culture that’s been adding objects and responsibilities and new lines of communication for years. Now that the crises (as everyone calls it abroad) has reshaped our expectations, it seems like the right time to start considering what you really need in life to be happy, and what you could do without.
So I’ve been doing research - a little trial and error. So has the ASP.
Will the ASP eliminate hot tubs next? Photo: ASPworldtour.com
Initial Findings:
Bells started up yesterday - the first event to utilize the new format. Sudden death round 1 heats, instead of double-elimination. This amounts to a quick and painful mercy killing of surfers like Nathaniel Curran, who was executed about 30 minutes into the 12-day waiting period. Back at the last contest, Nathaniel suffered through over a week of slow decline before officially being handed his 33rd place death certificate. So perhaps this new format is more humane.
It’s also most likely cheaper for the sponsor. Bells started up on the first day of the waiting period, in suspect conditions, even though there will be one less day of surfing in the new format. It makes me wonder if the ASP and sponsors are grappling with what they can eliminate, while still presenting a good contest.
Will we turn back the clock? Like the 80s, could we see cheap and efficient 3-day waiting periods?
The jury’s still out on whether the ASP’s subtraction exercise will work. As for my own experiment, I’ve rediscovered that I can be happy with just the basics: A surfboard, a pointbreak, and some clean groundswell. And a firm mattress, and some fresh organic food prepared by an experienced American-trained cook. And of course my iPhone, MacBook, iPod, and wireless (could anyone anywhere on earth really be happy if they had dial-up?) and good wine, and a nice car, and of course I need a cleaning lady cause I’m surfing all day and don’t have time for the little things.
After subtracted needless luxuries from my life, I’ve learned to be happy with just the basics. I challenge you to do the same.
what they are doing is not really subtraction. check out badiou’s ‘on subtraction’, page 105 from his ‘theoretical writings’. what you are doing is far more subtractive.
Sheesh that’s nuthin’. I heard the ASP is going to outsource judging to Calcutta!
Jihad was blowin his first heat against Pat G. How is jihad on tour? i dont know how he beat Pat, i think they underscored Pat…
don’t forget masseuses — you can’t rough it without a masseuse. On a side note, is it just me, or do all of those mobile hot tubs look like big soup pots in which they are making what will undoubtedly be a stringy, and bitter tasting stew of neoprene, and pro surfers who have been eliminated from competition?
that was a pretty good one
My personal butler: I can’t get by without him. Now where did I put my Grey Poupon?
When I first tuned into the Bells Rip Curl Contest, I started giggling like a Japanese schoolgirl on Red Bull. This, I thought, is why Prometheus gave us the internet.
Here’s what Round 1 had to offer. Keep in mind that these men have the eggs to call themselves “Professionals” so I see no reason to cut them even a shred of slack.
Entertain me, monkey boys!
Heats #1 - #3: Way to hit the ground yawning, guys.
Heat #4: Taylor Knox does fifteen cutbacks on a couple mush-burgers for predictable scores.
Heats #5 - #6: I couldn’t possibly hate these lackluster heats any more if they had shot my dog and stolen my truck.
Heat #7: Jihad Khodr.
Heat #8: We finally get to see Dane Reynolds, one of the more innovative surfers on the tour, show off his exceptional skills in some of the world’s best waves… wait.
Heat #9: Jordy Smith surfs like his balloon knot is on fire.
Heat #10: Who? What? When? And most importantly, why?
Heat #11: We finally get to see Josh Kerr, one of the more innovative surfers on the tour, show off his exceptional skills in some of the world’s best waves… wait.
Heats #12 - #16: Unfortunately, my exposed genitalia was being held softly by my calloused and gyrating strong-hand above a pool of Levis about my ankles while “Barely Legal 364 – Courtney Puckers Her Full Lipke’s While Fisting Michel’s de Souza”, mysteriously showed up on my screen. So I missed what I’m sure were some of the most monumental heats in surfing history. My bad.
Here’s to more stellar surfing from the 44 best surfers on the planet in round two. I’m waiting with baited breath for the next token online commentator to blow an O-ring describing Michel Bourez’s “massive foam climb over that slow section.”
Occy since you’re Australian I’m giving that comment a 10. If you were a seppo like the rest of us I think you’d come in around a 7.5 at best.
Jihad (Arabic: جهاد IPA: [ʤɪhæːd]), an Islamic term, is a religious duty of Muslims. In Arabic, the word jihād is a noun meaning “struggle.”
here are the R2 heats I’m holding my breath for:
Ward v. Knox: Two California stalwarts face off. Crucially, both of them have competitive persona’s that can be compared to that of Dustin Hoffman in the Rain Man. It may be brilliant, or it may just be two mildly retarded looking guys slapping at the water for twenty minutes. Will Knox bring speed and power or just the patented straight backed butt wiggle? Will Ward take to the air, or just stay in the parking lot getting jacked on uppers and picking fights with hawaiians and fat chicks (which would be equally awesome)? I freaking love those two.
Flores V. Bacalso: I dislike the frenchman only because he is built like a 9 year old girl. He rips, but it’s like watching a small child or a chinese acrobat — you almost get the feeling that they are wind up toys produced specifically for certain activities. Bacalso, on the other hand, looks like he trains at white castle. If there is one kid who really doesn’t look like he’s made for surfing, it’s my man Kekoa. He will probably get it handed to him…BUT. But, it’s hard not to cheer for the guy.
Why don’t they run overlapping heats? Wouldnt that cut time and make things a little more exciting? Especially at a shitty break like Bells. I waited up to watch the Dane vs owen heat, which ended up being a waste of good sleeping time. The best surfing in recent memory at bells came when they moved to winkipop for a partial round last year..
you forgot “trust fund”
Pat G fell on every wave.
Jihad smoked Pat G. SMOKED him!
Jihad Khodr surfs so effortlessly and smooth. I bet he can cross a temple floor covered in dried lotus leaves without making a sound. In a Hummer. With a bad muffler.
Jihad Khodr surfs so smooth can kegel a fresh cucumber into orbit… WITH his boardshorts on.
Mr. Perrow is looking really creepy in that hot tub. Does ASP now stand for the Association of Surfing Pedophiles? I think its a good PR move: the hot tub stays.
Once again Lewis, since your subsequent firing from Surfline, this blog has lost its pinache, punch and bite.
Did you really just critique the ASP and the events for running on Day 1? I understand your current angst against surf forecasting (and those who hire and fire), but a quick look at the swell outlook for Bells is not great. In fact, yesterday’s conditions were the best they had to work with in the current forecasting window.
In my opinion, stiff shit to those who lost yesterday. The reason you have everyone complaining about the format is that it essentially splits the Top 45 into two groups: the Top 16 and the rest of ‘em. Anyone who had to compete yesterday automatically felt like a second-class citizen, and in a tour where ego reigns supreme, this did not gel…gel, it did not.
The top seeds aren’t really vocalizing their joy about the new format either, because A) it’s still a bro tour and they don’t want people to have the shits with them, and B) these guys succeeded just fine under the old format (hence they’re top seeds), what do they care if it reverts back.
It’s unfortunate that the new format was rolled out during a swell window that didn’t offer much…this much is true.
However, stop trying to create controversy where there really is none Lewis. You’re better than that.
no he’s not. With more time to run the event, why didn’t they shove the chicks out there yesterday instead? Such a waste to see the improved system run in shit waves.
titor that would have been a totally meaningful post, except for the entire premise of the new format being that it would be held in three days instead of four, so that if there was a little swell forecast for the first day and then a couple days of flatness before a REAL swell decided to show up, then they wouldnt have to send the surfers out in shit surf to get that day over with. except thats what they did, and then completely fucked everyone who lost out on shit waves. If that is normal round 1 where nobody loses and no one gives a shit, then there are no posts about it. (like when they run mundaka at Bakio - who gives a shit) but because everyone got 33rds when they lost, people like lewis feel the need to call the asp out.
Stu…the reason they didn’t “shove the chicks out there”, as you so eloquently put it, is because the waiting period for the girls didn’t begin until a day later - which was at the discretion of the event to set the schedule as early as last year.
Learn how to read and then get back to me.
This John Titor guy is an asshole, but you can’t really fault him in his analysis.
I think that after the event’s finished, in retrospect, we’re going to see that the new format allowed the organizers to run in the best waves possible.
It’s unfortunate that the waves aren’t better, but that’s hardly the fault of the new format.
As Lewis’s best friend Jihad Khodr said, ““It is the same. You have to win the heats and you just don’t have another second chance. You need to win to keep going so for me there is no change.”
Let’s see who rises to the top.
Play on playa…
September 21, 1995. Before his dawn patrol, Jihad Khodr went to a temple in south New Delhi and took a dump in a bowl on the steps. Later, when a spoonful of the feces from the bowl was held up to the trunk of the statue, the refuse was seen to disappear, apparently taken in by the idol. Word of the event spread quickly, and by mid-morning it was found that statues of the entire Hindu pantheon, in temples all over North India were saturated in fecal matter.
For six days following the event, all believers in North India walked on their hands while speaking Swahili.
Jihad Khodr surfs like his balls are stuck in his asshole.
Jihad Khodr has a stiff style of surfing because he has seven knees on his left leg.
I can’t fault him for that.
John Titor, nice working schooling Lewis. It happens once in a while, nobody’s perfect (I think the last time was when Lewis blasted Transworld for their gear guide, saying it was an actual issue when it wasn’t).
Great to see Stu getting schooled! I personally feel that pro surfing has come an incredibly long way. First they narrowed the wct down to roughly 10 events held in prime spots during prime time with a long enough waiting period to maximize surf potential. Then they utilized the internet to open up the sport to the home viewers which has ignited worldwide interest in the sport. Then they started 2009 off with a lot of WQS 6 stars and 6 star primes held in real waves which should help ensure that the surfers graduating to the big leagues will be capable of competing with the top guys in waves of consequence. Now there is the threat of first round elimination which is, in my opinion, the best move of all. Win or go home. It seems that Rip Curl looked into the crystal ball and saw that there were contestable waves yesterday and decided to run with it thus increasing the odds that the main guys will surf in real waves sometime over the next 11 days or so. Let’s face it the top ten in pro surfing seem to be miles above the bottom 30 or so. If you want to avoid getting dunked in the round one booth then get your ass in the top sixteen.
Watching world class surfing in world class waves is incredible! Before I surfed this morning I got on the net at 5 a.m. and watched the quarters, semis and finals of Bells in 06. Unfreakingbelievable! Slater, Occy, Fanning, Parko and A.I. going NUTS in PUMPING 8 foot plus Bells walls!!! Occy’s backside snap hooks were awe inspiring and Parko’s swooping carves and fades reminded me of Curren. Oh yeah another great new innovation is jet ski assist which makes it a waveriding contest not a paddling contest.
But then again what do I know? I am just a guy from Alabama.
P.S. Jordy Smith’s frontside power carve is the best i have ever seen.
P.S. I can’t seem to form paragraph’s can I?
Who is this Mark? And from what cistern of septic filth did he arise?
Haleyville, Alabama Mr. Dealer. It is located about 4 miles south of Bear Creek and roughly 85 miles north of Tuscaloosa which was the home of a gentleman named Paul “Bear” Bryant. Coach Bryant was a hard man but he was a good man. He would not think highly of a thug like yourself pretending to supply Hawaii’s 3 time world champ Andy irons with drugs. A.I. rips and has a style that Kelly Slater dreams of. You have no style mr. Dealer.
hey john titor, what is the future of surfing going to be like? Is kelly gonna win on his kneeboards?
This guy Mark sounds sexy! A conservative surfer with traditional southern values AND he is literate. Nice combo.
Back off Ann! I saw him first!
Alabama huh? So, my septic of filth comment wasn’t far off.
Heh heh.
I love you Mark, but not as much as Satan does.
at the end of the day, it’s a boring format - nothing more than a prime 6* from a few years back. No wonder Rabbit took the high road out of town.
yaaaaaaaaawn.
All of you, unless you commented on the contest, or the format (as prompted by Lewis’ post) are insignificant AND retarded.
Yes, I already know. This post fits that description. I too, for this brief moment, am insignificant AND retarded.
You are doubly so if you respond to this comment. I already did.
My brief moment of insignificance AND retardation is over.
Occy’s, AI’s, Magnum, Blasphemy, etc., etc., etc. spends so much of his life on the comments portion of some other dude’s blog that he must create aliases to hide from others what his life has become, and to assuage his own shame and self loathing.
Mommy’s proud.
Veritas is so smart, he traveled back in time to yesterday to pee in his own butt. There he held it firmly in the clenches of his firm buttocks until today. Then, he released it when he went back to pee in his own butt; thus, starting a cosmic loop that will eventually result in the universe being filled entirely with his pee.
And by ‘pee,’ I mean paint drying commentary.
Ya Digg?
Rabbit once killed a family of wild dingoes with Bob Seger’s jock strap at the tender age of 25… but that STILL doesn’t mean he can direct the ASP.
Not then, and not now.
Mark tried to ear a fish’s twat out once but it smelled too much like Ann Coulter.
Hello Jury,
As you’ve read my posts over time, those amongst you observant enough to care will take note that I am a practiced hypocrite. My values and standards, passions and grudges ebb and flow in response to what I think is cool or funny at any given moment - and I do this wantonly and unashamedly, knowing full well that since nothing I say stops global warming or cures cancer, it doesn’t matter. Foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. (Emerson said that, and he is far more clever than I. And since you are reading this when you could be doing literally anything else, we’ll assume more clever than you as well.)
That said… “Let’s party!.”
Jihad Khodr farted last week, breaking the ice flow loose and stranding 135 ice fishermen. He was in Hawaii at the time.
Jihad Khodr’s sperm each have dicks, and each of their dicks are bigger than Jury’s.
(It’s dark in here. Step, step, step… *click*)
Soooo, the room is still empty. I have a few moments before the Ambien kicks in…
Those of you who are well versed in the history of Southern Alabama know that Michel Bourez caused the Donkey Shoulder Spray Blight of 1932 in the Highlands of Northern Scotland; where he is forever known as the Scottish Donkey Leg Pharaoh.
All those suicide bombers are going to be pissed when they find out Jihad Khodr got to their virgins first; because now their naughty bits look like used grape chewing gum.
Something we should never forget; not when round two looms before us…
Jihad has no heart. His cock pumps his blood.
Imagine Jordy wailing on those 8 foot walls at Bells in 06! I’m tellin you this guy is gonna do GREAT things out there and with a different style than the Coolie men or Slater/A.I. etc. Jordy takes the best qualities of Elkerton minus the hand jive with the height and momentum of Simon Anderson and the new school psycho aerial madness of Taj thrown in for good measure.Jordy freakin RIPS!!!!
Kekoa da next powa surfer from HI. Dats it.
No waaaay Bells is bigger than waimea bro…
Blas Roto, whether it’s sperm dicks or eating out fish, you belong on late night tv. Well done.
Mark has a crush on Jordy….. man you read like a teen beat magazine…… eeeeerrrrr teen beater.
Uncle C, we get it, you so island style, brah. Who talks the most pidgeon? Fresh transplants and illiterate people…. your choice, bro.
The joke is, they’re holding these first round heats in garbage on the first day of a waiting period. Yet somehow, the chicks score clean and glassy. The ASP pats itself on the back for their “Dream Tour”, but have consistently asked the “formula one” drivers to race on a dirt track. Meanwhile, a much better wave is used for practice, just east of the “stadium”.
No wonder Rabbit quit.
My bell is bigger than your bell bro.
Mike do you ever have anything nice to say? Anything positive or uplifting? Do you even surf? I realize i have gone on a couple of negative rants in the past but I can’t stay down for long because of my love for the beauty of the sport. Plus I live in a positive, uplifting environment filled with powerful, consistent waves and incredible natural beauty. You live at your mom’s house in Tarzana and beg her for rides to County Line on the weekends.
What Mark meant to say was:
Mike do you ever have anything boring to say, like me? Anything unfunny or stale? Do you even bodysurf? I realize I have gone on a couple of extremely dull rants in the past, but I can’t stay down for long because of my profound love for bovine balloon knots. Plus I live in a positive, uplifting environment filled with many powerful, fully shaved, muscular men who have incredible natural beauty.
You live at your mom’s house in Tarzana and beg her for rides to County Line on the weekends. (I can’t argue with this).
Nice one Occ! My posts HAVE been boring. I guess i will be moving on now. I don’t fit in on this site.
Pro surfing is so very important. What a rebel you are. Be sure to boycott the Billabong events you hypocrite.
Hmmmm, I for one am VERY excited about seeing Nathaniel Curran surf backside in Tahiti, and the Brazillians surf Trestles. I am also anxiously waiting Kieren Perrow in 3 ft slop…oh wait we’ve seen that. Has anyone seen Victor Ribas? We really need him and Poto back on tour so we can watch thier heats over and over again and hear the commentators piss themselves describing their turns. This tour just keeps getting better and better. Great waves, unbelievable heat matchups, and millions of viewers clogging the internet to watch. Its only a Dream tour cause we are all being put to sleep.
what’s really boring is another “I’m done here” post from Mark. BTW, how does a guy from Alabama who lives in Hawaii know so much about Tarzana and County Line?
surf culture…. you guys are hacks… surf contests are not surf culture..
dora would not approve.
Hey mom. I love you, but shut the fuck up. I now approve of contests. I now disapprove of of you and your generation of hull riding wanks. You fucks took the soul out of surfing by commercializing resin tints and beavertails. Can I borrow your credit card?
Mikolos-
I can’t believe surfers were so starved for a rebel icon they chose someone who stole people’s credit cards to make a living. Is that soul? You’re a hypocrite. You would’ve been better off as a groovy hull-rider who had a real job on the side. And don’t talk to your mom that way. I didn’t bring you up that way.
The Bears got Jay Cutler, there’s been surf in front of my house (?) and grandpa passed moments after signing the documents I had….. and I beat my sisters there by 20 minutes! All in all, things are going well, thanks for asking Mark.
As for Mom’s house in Tarzana, I used to make fun of those guys ( valleys) until one day I had to go over the hill for some business after a surf. Damn, a short canyon drive to point surf, who knew? And the disproporitonate percentage of hot, slutty chicks is amazing. I never called anyone a valley since. That and the boys were a solid addition to third point, surfing very well.
Too bad you’re “quitting” again Mark, because I’m going to try to be more congenial. Hope that Bill O’Reilly blog “gets” who you really are and you can turn them on to surfing and Bali hotspots. Aloha.
Oh Yeah, the contest.
Lay day after the mess that was round 1.
But just imagine Jordy KILLING that semi finals in ‘83!!!!!
Where I live and surf, no one under 30 cares about the tour, yet they can give you a detail of what their favorite NFL team should do with their draft pick. It’s as if the attendant circus of the tour commands the commercial interest of some of these “festivals” and they fit the surfing into open time slots. The telecasts feature a Cote’ like dude mingling backstage with vapid interviews and bikini footage….. everything but the surfing.
If the sport could feature surf worthy of these guys and the production just got out of the way of the art, we’d all be more engaged. As it is, a cursory review of highlights is about the best anyone can do.
Like our economy/state of the union, what is needed for pro surfing is fundamental change, not incremental. Travel to the best waves on earth with waiting periods based on forecasts and no crowd consideration. then package every scored ride in a succint, announcer less format with good music and I’ll throw back a six pack watching… infinitely better than football. Allow each corp to sell their contest vid’s and at the end of the year, the ASP releases a years compilation.
Or put up a bunch of tents, a band stage, carny food and a huge half pipe covered in logo’s and allow the TV host access to the keg before the telecast. Once again, they ( surf corps ) don’t give a shit about us ( surfers), we don’t make up a profitable demo, but the kooks do.
how come lewis never comments on his own blog? your a pussy… jimmy wilson rights back to people all the time..
This guy Mike is just trying to bait Mark back into commenting again. Don’t do it Mark! You have said all you need to say Bru! And Mike your ideas for pro surfing are kind of like Mr. Obama’s dreams of a nuclear free world and peace in the Middle East. You are DREAMING bru! AND you are CLUELESS! Just like Obama.
P.S. I bet you were really shredding Topanga on that last 3 foot swell.
Yeah Mike you are right. Pro surfing hasn’t progressed far at all. Like that contest Rip Curl had in Mexico with the worlds best surfing the best waves of their lives for the first 4 days of the waiting period. Or the contest at El Gringo which did a killer Pipe impersonation for the crew. And then there was that crappy 06 Bell’s contest or the Pipe final where A.I. and Slater were battling like Ali and Frazier. Or the Hossegor final between the Iron’s brothers in 8 foot Basque perfection. Or Sunny Garcia’s win at Haleiwa in 04 in SMOKING 8 foot perfection. Or Kelly’s 2 tens in the final minutes in Tahiti against Bruce to kick start his big comeback.
Mike your observations suck more than Peggy the Point grinder at one of Jack’s parties in Big Wedensday.
P.S. This guy Mark sounds like the coolest dude of all these guys that comment. Too bad he quit.
Mike sucks!
Free Ride,
It would encourage our cold hearts if you could site more than one or two contests per year on the WCT that killed it.
That is beauty of surfing Occ! The waves are not always there even with a 2 week waiting period in prime season with first round elimination heats. Mother nature is a fickle lady mate which is what makes it so special when she really decides to give up the goods. The glass is half full you fuckwit not the other way around.
Thanks for not answering my question Free Ride. 2 / 10 contest per year = 20% success. Beauty?
Oh, and NEVER challenge my wit.
Globe Fiji at both Cloudbreak and Restaurants. J-Bay final between A.I. and Slater. Trestles pretty much 90% of the time especially 04 when Parko beat Slater in the final or how about 2002 when a legitimate PUMPING south swell bombed into Lowers with perfect conditions. How about Snapper in 2006 when Mick went ballistic? Did you see the semi’s with Bede and Wardo etc.? Crazy Sexy Cool tuberiding madness! Mick winning the Search at smoking St. Leu. Or even young Nat Young at the Lane last year.
You have a short memory Mr. underbite which is most likely not your only shortcoming. I admit that 07 was a bad year for surf on the tour but what can you do? We are dealing with nature. But then again trying to rationalize with you would be like Lewis Samuels writing an apology to the top 44 as well as Surfline and begging for his job back. Not gonna happen.
All great contests. Maybe not great for all the rounds. But, those contest only run ONCE a year. Your running in circles here Free Ride. You may catch your tail, but the smell of your asshole will still make you sick.
What is your point Occ? Do you expect them to sit there for however long it takes to make sure every heat is run in dream surf? Even if they have to stay at the site for 5 weeks? You are like a naive little kid Occ.
Free Ride,
You don’t think the ASP is capable of running in great surf for 3 days? I mean, 10 contests over the course of 52 weeks of a year?
It’s not rocket science.
Naive little kid?
Good for you, old sportsman! You wouldn’t be a true ASP WCT supporter if you let a little thing like the inevitability of failure deter you.
You’ll have to excuse me though. This is going to end more predictably than a Julia Roberts movie and I for one see no reason to wait it out.
At least you didn’t let your language dip into the gutter with your last comment Occ. The weak among us will usually sink into the toilet when someone calls us on something and I am proud that you tried to man up and make some sort of logical sense. You failed but at least you tried and as our new American president has made clear good intentions are just as important as clear cut results.
P.S. Are you one of those blokes who live right on the Queensland-New South Wales border and collects the dole from both sides while dealing $50 bags of mull to the D’bah crew? F you troll!
March, Gold coast, entire month waiting period, competitors have 2 days notice.
April, Tavarua…… two week waiting period
May, Tahiti….. mobile boat judging, could be Moorea, month long waiting period, 3 days notice.
June, Margarets River, two week waiting period, 2 days notice.
July, J bay…. two week waiting period in prime season.
August, Lance’s or Macaroni’s….. mobile or dual contest heats… so insane, oh yeah, today I surf a buttery right dredging tube, tomorrow I have a performance orgasm on a bending left…
Sept, Trestles, all competitors have 2 days notice.
Late Sept, early Oct. France/Spain…. let the boys get laid and tubed.
October, Puerto Escondido, don’t need a waiting period, just early morning heats.
November/December…. Hawaii, 2 days notice.
Sorry Free Ride for messing up your bosses applecart, but that’s a legit tour. Let the QS be the circus…. you should “graduate” to something more pure. Put the new technology to work and score. It’s not like any of these guys have to schedule time off from work.
Mike’s a dick.
EEGAH! I’ve just broken out in a horrid case of vaginas from reading all this Dr. Phillian hogswallow! Where is all this pro-ASP sympathy coming from? Call Homeland Security: terrorists have spiked our water supply with estrogen.
Now me, I love Free Ride. He’s fun, but not funny. This post just drives another sixteen penny nail into that coffin of a WCT tour. And Free Ride’s comments wrap the coffin in chain and push it into the East River.
I said I love Free Ride because he is the earthly avatar of everything this site stands against; the preening, the self-absorption, the self-conscious materialism, the ignorance of fashion in the historical context and the puffery that goes hand in hand with being a wanker. Do I think it shows low breeding on the parts of Rasta and his hottie to preen and laugh? Yes. Does that somehow trump Freeride’s impotent rationalization of shitty waves being an expert way to judge people deemed to be the best surfers on the planet? No (and when I say “no” I do so with the inflection I normally reserve for the products of cousin-fuckers). Freeride’s reaction was the only one he could have made, given the perverse social archetypes that he consciously clothes himself every waking minute. Ultimately, he lies in the DNA-marinated bed of professional surfing that he made. And some of you would have us feel sympathy for him because this one time he landed up to his knees in a steaming pile of hurt when he puffed his chest up against a bigger dog? Ratdicks, I say! I have half a mind to take a claw hammer to my own eyes just so that I’ll be spared from reading his limp, eunuch’s mewling ever again.
(I warned you about messing with wits, Freeride)
I love you Mike.
And yes, you are a dick.
Heh heh heh.
Good job Mike! I see that I have inspired some deep thought from a postsurfer! Why not have the Sept. waiting period at Malibu instead of Trestles? Can your valley buddies do without a few days of getting dropped in on at 3rd point by the wavekiller? I didn’t think so.
You don’t know anything about me Magnum. Why do you say such hateful shit? I can see why that guy mark bailed on this nonsense and just went surfing.
Freeride,
It’s not our fault you involuntarily ejaculate every time Sara Palin says “Dog-Gone-It”. Now we know why you’re dehydrated every morning.
I heard Sean Hantitty lives in a house made entirely of Chinese asshole tissue.
The joke is the valley guys will hook you up with their sisters!
“dropped in on by wavekiller”… Allen Sarlo is cool, say hello through the spray.
Drove thru the area, two days ago and it’s still crowded, who could have predicted? Less spots, more attention and less localism….. the future you fucks deserve. Enjoy! Go Billabong!
Free ride
Mark “left” because he trademarked “quitting”. Please don’t use that phrase unless you can afford the royalties.
In Mark, the jewish bankers, Christian Evangelists, Big Oil and Pharma, the defense industry and Fox News we trust.
Print more money and bail out the criminal financial industries!!!!!
Does anyone know about the plan for the IMF? Google and move to a good point break, foreign if possible.
Exactly which party do you think is printing all of the money you idiot?!!! Who do you think is doing the bailing out and who do you think is reaping the benefits dumb ass?!!! The LEFT! And I am not talking about the left at Ala Moana asshole!
Getting back to why they ran the comp in shit waves on day 1, I did my homework and they could indeed have thrown the chicks out there - the waiting period started at the same time.
I hope they print some money for Mark - it sounds like his ‘Bama education has only prepared him to scrape by as an average salesman of some sort in one of the worst states, business-wise, in the Country. If he’s lucky, some of my tax dollars will find their way to him.
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