Ah, to be a pro soul surfer. Normal land-based mammals can only dream of the intimate connection with nature that corporate-sponsored soul surfers enjoy. Case in point: Dave Rastovich.
This guy is so at one with the sea that he married a mermaid. And not just any mermaid - he married Hannah Fraser, who is a professional mermaid.
Rastovich and catch of the day. Photo: Hannahfraser.com
As Hannah explains on her website, "Being a professional mermaid is a SELF CREATED job. There are no schools you can go to, or agents that will find you specific mermaid work."
No mermaid schools? What has education in Australia devolved into?
So self-starters like Hannah had to create their own tails - Bustin Down the Door style. "My very first tail I made when I was only 9 years old and was created with a plastic orange table cloth and pillow stuffing." So in case you were wondering: this chick didn't recently turn mer-crazy. She's been that way for a long time.
As Hannah tells us, the best way to transition from amateur to professional mermaid is to start as a professional model. "You need to know how to model in front of a camera with confidence and success before you try it underwater." Translation: no fat chicks, please. Professional mermaiding is strictly for tall, skinny, vain hot girls.
Hannah Mermaid and a photogenic cause. Photo: HannahFraser.com
The next step is self-promotion. "You can start to promote yourself as a mermaid through working for kids parties, or model shoots or press releases or through projects to help the ocean."
Take in that last sentence for a second - it reveals a lot about Rastovich and his wife. At least Hannah is direct about her intent: "You can start to promote yourself... through projects to help the ocean."
Perhaps this explains why her website has an entire section dedicated to "photos of Hannah with celebrities" yet it does not have any links to the charities such as Sea Shepard that Rastovich and Hannah Mermaid have conveniently used to further their careers.
But hey, what do I know? Maybe if I was more connected to the spirit of the sea, I'd understand.
One of Hannah's celebrity photos - That's the troll from Heroes. Photo: HannahFraser.com
zzzzzzzzz.
I get it.
Hannah Fraser Daryl Hannah
so people who publicly assist charities probably care about things other than assisting those charities? got it.
so assuming people should be able to further their careers, what’s a better way than helping charities? virgin sacrifice? sponsorship via hawking disposable clothing? luck?
the observation is obvious (and not new), but i don’t understand the argument.
They aren’t together anymore, and if anything, saving whales has obliterated Rasta’s bottom line as a professional surfer. Don’t pretend to know things you don’t know.
Didn’t the legend of mermaids come from filthy Aussies netting female manatees and gang-raping them? Maybe Rasta is holding onto some family traditions…save the sea cows!
Samuels, you’re such a douchebag (or pelasaca as they say in Brazil), go to hollywood and become an agent or assistant producer…..
are you bored and/or lonely at the moment? id say both
Although I have a weak spot for those pretty, topless girls, I have to go with Lewis, (or ‘luís’ as the brazilians say) on this one. The point is that it’s all bullshit. Soul surfing, mermaids, movies stars on thrusters, a large part of the “green” movment. It’s all fluff, and although YOU might not be eating it up, a lot of people are — after all, how else would they be able to predicate whole industries on it? The fact that many surfers still consider themselves part of a counterculture is a sad, self serving delusion. We surf, so we must be sooooo in tough with mother nature right? Fuck all that noise. we are buying the green movement the same way we are buying bonzers, the same way Knost is buying skinny jeans, the same way Hayden Panananananantitieieierieieskie is posing for photos with a surfboard. Moral of the story? I’ll even do Luís one better and propose that everyone is a poser, and surfers are the worst of the bunch.
She’s smokin’ hot. Hell, I’d let a Lamprey sookle my noots while I pedaled a unicycle through Tiananmen Square, wearing Mark’s favorite “Fuck Tibet” bumper sticker on my shirt and juggling four baby panda bears lit with fire, if perchance I would catch a whiff of the molten lead from the factory that produced the recalled Baby Einstein soft blocks she once played with as a child.
I need a drink… is it Friday yet?
I would climb the Pyrenees on a sled pulled by nine children stricken with muscular dystrophy while coated in marmot blood and emu feathers if it meant while stopping off for honey cakes and a glass of Burgundy at the Luz Ardiden ski resort, I would sit on the same crumb covered chair her vacationing fourth grade teacher used only minutes earlier.
Then I would feed those crumbs to my sled children. ‘Cuz I ain’t no heartless sumbitch.
I like this guy Ted! It is true how DISGUSTING this go green fad has become in the surf industry. Same thing for the Obama administration taxing people 90%. It is all just posturing and politics. America is going down the shitter in a Honda Insight.
She is quite simply a delicious little tart. She looks tighter than a guinea pig’s ear stretched over a timpani drum.
…With my timpani stick, I would beat her drum. And her eyelids deserve all the electrolytes and enzymes my salivary glands could proffer. When the roofies wore off and she woke up and gave me that apprehensive look, I’d run for the door like an antelope fleeing a lion on the Kalahari plains of Botswana.
That’s right.
Bots. Fucking. Wana.
This post doesn’t really work from someone who rode Surfline’s coat tails before getting “fired” when the time was right. And all of these pics are from 2007. What’s the point of this?
Say what you want, but even if Rastovich is what he is for the sole purpose of self-promotion, at the very least his work has had some sort of positive impact on the world
That’s debatable. Rasta wants to bring a positive impact to the world, but I would be very surprised is his dolphin vanity project has actually influenced lasting change. It sure has helped him self board shorts, though. But hey, maybe we should commend him for having his heart in the right place. While we’re at it, let’s commend Bush for wanting to bring democracy to Iraq.
Don’t the major surf companies manufacture most of their clothes in countries like China that have lax environmental laws? Why don’t they make clothes in America? Is it because America has the highest corporate tax rate in the world? Or what about the ridiculous Orange County enviro laws that drove Grubby Clark to the brink of madness? The level of hypocrisy in this world is hard to believe. Surfers are sheep.
P.S. Didn’t all of congress including Hillary vote for the resolution to go to war with Iraq?
Typical ignorant Americans.
Watch out: here comes the cluestick:
WAP!!!
Not everyone who reads and posts to this site lives in the United States and cares about their politics.
Hypocricy of the surf industry in environmental marketing is a salient issue. But more to the point, that mermaid has nice cans, self-promoting whore or not.
wrong - everyone cares about our politics, whether they live here or not. And, Ted is correct. Carry on.
Hey “Stop posing as informed”, are you Rasta or his accountant? If the answer is neither, I suspect you don’t know shit about his bottom line either. The post does not claim that Lewis has any special knowledge. It simply makes observations from a mermaid’s public website. If we can’t lampoon slutty mermaids and green heros who jet about the earth saving us from our toxic boardshorts, then what do we have left?
You’re welcome for the internet Occy’s Underbite. Without us stupid Americans you wouldn’t be reading this website from Oz. On the other hand, there are a lot of stupid fuckers here. Touche.
I INVENTED the internet. And I was also spearheading the movement against global warming until I realized that the earth has actually been cooling for the past six years in a row. Now i am spearheading the movement against ” climate change “.
P.S. Carbon credits for sale!!! Get your fresh carbon credits right here at Al’s market!
Stu, Ballz, Occy’s underbite, Blas rot, Magnum meat, you are a comedian convention and I’m still laughing.
The fact is the chick has no pussy. Funny thing about this blog is that pussy gets no play, but any reference to penis is prolific.
Oh right, you all surf in the gay ghetto….. right across from Mollusk. Enjoy the season long onshores.
Let’s be fair. Conservatives are a mess now but I can see where the confusion comes from. They weren’t always this way.
It took the savage anal rolfing that Karl Rove and Team Bush gave McCain in the 2000 Republican primary to bring him over to the Dark Side and show him that when you suckle at the teat of archcon interests, even an illiterate fucktard with an agenda to play out Revelations can become president not only once, but twice. Hell, you don’t even have to win the election to do it.
I was a practicing conservative for longer than a lot of you have been alive. I still think those that voted for Reagan in the eighties was the right thing to do for the country at the time. Just like I thought voting for McCain was the right thing to do… nine years ago. I want to cry when I think about how much better off the world would be if he’d had the chance to do that. Instead, we got Bush, and look at the world stage today and you will see that conservatives, with new improved archcon flavor, have lost their place in line.
We needed to knock the same old shit off and roll the hard eight.
And as far the current conservative commentary run here, that’s a Hail Mary play if I’ve ever seen one. If any of you think that conservatives winning the last election would have been better for America; one with a VP who governed one of the least populous states in the nation for less than half a term, and would have been the person to replace the leader of the free world, you seriously need to stop listening to the pundits and engage your thinkboxes. It was just the latest in the conga line of desperate grabs for attention made by the man (McCain) that should have been president a long time ago, and should be enjoying his retirement now.
The conservative party may return someday. But you had your run. It’s our time now.
I still love you Mike… even if you are a fuckface!
Heh heh heh.
As for Todd Martin…. and boys, this may be the best advice you’ve ever received…. NEVER pass out drinking with aussies. I was shocked to see what a random camping incident did to a german dude. Lesson learned, seared into my DNA.
I love you too Ballz. Without the internet, I wouldn’t have free access to the shitload of goat porn I downloaded yesterday.
… oops. Shit. Did I type that out loud?
(Mr. Samuels, please delete this post.)
And look at Rasta’s face, like he’s holding ton of bricks.
Hey Occy! No politics on post surf!
This chick is cuter than a bunny made of kittens.
I have been reading this blog for awhile but it took occy’s last comment to inspire me to speak.
Neither George Bush or John Mccain are conservatives. They are in the Republican party but they are not conservative. And if Occ liked Reagan how could he POSSIBLY have ANY faith in America’s new administration? Nancy Pelosi? Chris Dodd? Tim Gaithner? Government controlling banks and other business’s and mandating salaries? Passing 3.5 TRILLION dollar budgets in the dark of night with ZERO Republican votes? Passing trillion dollar stimulas bills with only 12 hours allowed for congress to read them after Obama PROMISED 5 days during his campaign? Apologizing to the world on behalf of America when America has fucking saved the world over and over again? Do you know what Europe would have looked like if Hitler had been allowed to spread his wings further?
Occ I am happy to see that someone somehow inspired you to speak from your heart for once. I can tell you are a basically a good person but you need to quit drinking that Obama koolaid buddy. That shit is LETHAL!
A Concerned American,
I somehow got through your retreaded Hantitty / Limbaugh lawnclippings. You type like you have a speech impediment… made of masonry.
But you know what? Not one thing you or anyone else here says will change anyone’s mind about anything. We’re all just ejaculating vapor like Old Faithful. The only thing of any real importance in this world is a full glass of whisky and titties. Even Lewis Samuels knows that - hence, this post.
Now, why don’t you fess up to the fact that you own a gasoline pull-start cell phone that kills a dolphin every time he dials out. And please, refrain from touching me, I don’t want to explode like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup dropped from the Sears Tower.
And look, I didn’t start all the political posturing. I just read the drivel before me and reacted like any drunk wallaby would. I can’t help it. I have a clitoris on each knuckle… therefore I orgasm during fights.
G’night mates.
As long as you eat it, and you leave enough for our grandchildren - who cares? Same goes for whales or mermaids.
you are all being lied to! stick to the point… you probably started surfing for fun. keep it fun, keep it simple. the industry needs you to feed their machine. what’s with all the bullshit in the surfing world? they actually covered every trend and little niche of surf society… no one is left out! become yourself. take the goodness out of rasta, be inspired by his surfing talent… just don’t go with the boardshort buying, strawhat wearing and dolphin crying prince of the tides bullshit! the same goes to andy irons, stay out of drugs man! but be inspired by his incredible surfing… and oh, so politically correct kelly slater, do you really admire his connect the dots surfing? what’s with the worshipping and calling him the king… have you been watching how fucked up the wct has been the last few years? is it that prestigious for a surfer nowadays winning that fruit bowl? fuck you surf industry and yeah… fuck you too lewis samuels, i think.
she should get fake tits
So….she does have a pussy right?
I can’t wait until the divorce so I can call my broseff Rasta up and tell him there’s plenty more fish in the sea.
I’d fuck her.
Woe be to the poor sumbitch who uses a political example to try and prove something, lest the real point be lost in a wave of reeking partisan drivel parroted from whichever stupid cable TV show you watch. Neither politics, nor the chinaman, as they say, are the point here. The point is, you shouldn’t give famous, or in this case semi-famous people credit just for being “good people”. I’m a great person and I’m sure that most of you are at least marginally conscientious, so why are so many people falling over themselves to masturbate on Rasta’s “good vibes”. What has he done? Paddled out with a bunch of cute girls to show he’s against killing dolphins. Watch out Rachel Carson! There is a new kid on the conservation block and his shorts are made of hemp!
Well. RAsta is saving dolphins the same way that Madonna (does she really still call herself that?) and that meth head who is married to Brad Pitt are saving Africa. An thank God for that. Without them, we wouldn’t be able to sit around talking about how great and positive humans are while the Sudanese die faster than the cetaceans. And speaking of people who loooove mother earth, I took the train last time I went surfing. You can thank me later for all that fuel I saved by enduring public transport. Now where’s my damn mermaid?
i totally wrote this off as a “cmon lewis seriously?” post, but then i re-read it and its legit. call those motherfuckers out
and rasta’s underbike, yes absolutely she should.
Todd Martin’s Penis is the best name i’ve ever seen on a message board. Amazing.
Hannah is rad, she’s a sweet girl. I bet Rasta is going to add his name to the list if dudes that want to punch Lewis in the face, which is a compliment.
Lewis, you know you wanna post about the Alana Blanchard photo on Surfline…
Ted and peter Mcwilliams need to go back to the qualifying slog blog. They are not post surf material.
TODD MARTIN’S PENIS !!! that name is too fucken funny….
I love your post Lewis! It’s so NOT jockish! Assholes like us should run the action sports world!
In all seriousness guys, I love to do drugs and fuck a bunch of different chicks. See, it’s so easy to spew conservative propaganda because there are no facts behind what I say! I make shit up that riles up the dummies, and now I have millions of followers and millions more in the bank! I can say, “Global warming is BULLSHIT!” Even though science backs global warming, it’s easier, and more persuasive, to say it’s bullshit, and thus people believe me! Check me out every day guys, Hey-Zeus and money rules!
A concerned American, the only koolaid being served is at your local church and on fox news. You should be more concerned with your life, and support your President instead of drinking the right-wing koolaid (at least the lefty koolaid is spiked, lighten up).
She has legs:
Thx Mate!
Totally appreciate your post about me. You can tuberide so well! I heard you had the best barrel ever at desert point. That’s sick man.
Yeah me and the mermaid split things off mate. I’m totally bummed because she helped me manipulate the whole “green” community and make it seem like I actually cared. When in fact I don’t, and I just use it to make my sponsors pay me more.
Your posts are truly deserved, and I think your parents are probably very proud of you. You ride thrusters well, and you write surf articles. The future is bright my friend!
I bet that all of these recent liberal comments are from the same person using different names.
P.S. You should know Mr. Obama that english is the language of Sweden. There is no such thing as “Swedish”. What do you think the mainstream media would have done to George Bush or Sarah Palin if they made that mistake? What’s that? You liberals didn’t here about this? Oh I guess Rachel Maddow and Keith Obermann didn’t mention it.
I meant Austria not Sweden.
I think German and French are the languages of Austria. I don’t understand that post at all. Should I care?
man, this blog is really dumbing me down. Just German in Austria. Oh, yeah, I’ve been to Sweeden and they speak Sweedish there - lots of smoking hot blonds, but no mermaids.
Boring…. the only good thing about this post are Rasta’s wifes nice rig!!! too bad Rasta had to be in the picture… I can’t stand that gUY… DO US ALL A FAVOAR AND GO FUCK A DOLPHIN RASTA!!!!
I used to read Lewis Samuels’ blog and sometimes think: Who is this guy? Why does he take surf mags and surf websites so seriously? Is he smart or is he just overthinking it all?
Well, read this interview with him on the Niceness website. (Another faceless surf blogger I don’t know much about). I have way more respect for Lewis after having read this and seen some shots of him surf and charge.
Why isn’t this on your blog? Is it too earnest?
Guarantee all the right-wing kook posts are from our favorite bible-thumpin’ Obama hater Mark.
Glad you guys like my name. People haven’t seen my purple head and veiny shaft since the good old days at Seaside….back when grom abuse meant something.
Anyways…Cote is right on…and the liberal/conservative arguments on here are silly. Arguing about politics online is like participating in the Special Olympics. Whether you win or lose, you’re still retarded.
But hey, what do I know, I’m just Todd Martin’s Penis
“But hey, what do I know, I’m just Todd Martin’s penis.”
One thing you DO know, Todd Martin’s penis… is every contour and fecal remnant of Chris Cote’s colon, intimately.
But we’re okay with that. Just be sure to rinse your tip thoroughly with bleach before you shoot blanks again in here.
And by “tip,” I mean that bulbous BB you think with.
Todd Martin’s Penis is so small, roaches give him blow jobs.
Todd Martin’s Penis is so small he grudge-fucks sweat pores on his own forearm.
Todd Martin’s Penis is so small that when he ejaculates only two sperm pop out, and they hold political debates moderated by wee-man.
Todd Martin’s Penis is so small he sodomizes e coli in between afternoon grovel sessions… and he sometimes grabs a pubic hair by mistake and pisses his pants at the urinal.
Todd Martin’s Penis is so small his sperm have bigger dicks… which, in turn, are afraid of clitorises. And this is why he uses the husks of molten germs for condoms.
I know all this because I was the attending doctor at his birth.
His forskin tasted like three-day old gravy skins and lime-soaked neoprene. But I found it oddly delicious.
i wish there was an interview with todd martin on here. i love that guy. there could be a special section “where are they now”. i vote for todd martin for the first interview.
who cares about rasta and billabongs environmental friendly, but child labor made boardshort.
and talking politics is good. for most of these bubble living jocks who post on here its probably the only time they read anything
soooo….she DOES have a pussy……right???
is that water i see running from those shower-heads in the background? i wonder how much has gone to waste during that photoshoot mr eco and mrs green…
Ask anyone who surfed around San Diego County in the late 80’s / early 90’s….I have a huge cock. That is why I would jack off in parking lots for all to see and throw my jizz at groms and hot jogger chicks. You sound really young Occy’s Underbite. Were you born around 1991? I think that is when I railed some scummy Aussie bitch in the parking lot at Wind n Sea. Nice to here from you sonny.
As for Cote, I do have a thing for him (unfortunately we haven’t hooked up yet). Maybe it is because we are the only ones on here that do not hide our identity.
Charliep, check out my website and contact me. I’ll be happy to do an interview anyday of the week.
Fucking awesome Lewis. Way to put my afternoon and hangover into perfect perspective. The G.Q. Donovan as Pancho put it in the old Best Freesurfers issue of Surfer a few years back has really killed it as the corporate soul messiah. Can’t wait to see The Present when it comes to Jax just south of me on 5/3/09 though. Those Aipa twins with the old Dane templates look insane. Mahalo for the laugh bro.
More proof that Lewis hates women. Did your lover Matt Warshaw help you write this?
Todd Martin’s cock actually IS huge. It’s only 3 inches long, but it’s 14 inches in circumference. It looks like Dick Cheney’s face squeezing through a life-preserver.
He has to lay down in the bathtub to pee.
And when I was born I slapped Todd Martin’s Penis so hard, his mom’s dick fell off.
I am shaped like a Tuna Can
“Tuna Can”
Heh heh… I’m stealing that one.
You guys are a bunch of fucking kooks. Get off the mac or p.c. and go fuck something, do something, read something, help something, shape something, demo something. Anything but this wack fake comedy that you think is sharp but is really spooned butter knifed up. BOGUS KOOKS! GAC!
Richbzztch,
Yeah, I remember the first time I did meth too. Hang in there, a Dane Cook marathon should be on Comedy Central soon, to sooth your fragile psyche.
todd martins penis
that link was interesting. honestly thats the first time i have ever seen that. it made me feel uncomfortable.
i think i want to avoid your tuna can from now on
i still think there should be a todd martin interview on here.
Richbzztch
You’re right, I am a “Bogus Kook” Maybe I should start using words like “Bogus” and ‘Mahalo for the laugh bro’ to be a true shredder like you.
But hey, what do I know, I’m just Todd Martin’s Penis
charliep
glad you liked the link
What a load of fuckwits you are. Lewis writes some of funny shite that used to be good because he was WITHIN the surf wank industry. Now he’s out of it, it’s not nearly as funny because there’s no risk attached, nothing to make him look quite so in-your-face. Now its just slightly bitter messageboard abuse the likes of which populates infinite other meaningless corners of Cyberspace.
Then you cretins think you can garner a bit of Lewis cool industry mojo (fading, cos he’s out on his ass now) by adding supportive comments from your sad little bedrooms. Way to go Ted - gee you’re BIG, man! You know all about Rasta’s incredible fakeness, you hate nature and people who get off on it because they’re all …. (what I don’t know but it sure makes you, and Lewis, seem great to sound off on how crap everyone else is). I suspect you’re even BIGGER than Todd Martin’s Penis and A.I.’s dealer. Stu, you rock. Chris Cote, you’re still a squeaky little tosser tugging away in the corner over a copy of Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue,
Rasta may be a hippy dippy whale of a pro, but he’s not that bad. But he’s a better surfer than any of you and he’s doing what he thinks he can to right some of the world’s wrongs. But you sewage-sniffers seem to think people shouldn’t try to right wrongs in the world, shouldn’t have opinions and stick their necks out (unless in the their bedrooms anonymously responding to messageboards), shouldn’t do what they can with what they’ve got.
The worst part? I am one of you – Uzerall Kunz.
what if you had all the natural talent in the world? What would you do?
Fucking a pussyless mermaid is probably the only great thing Rasta has ever done. If he even fucked her blowhole. Who knows. He’s weird enough to be celibate.
The only thing more boring than pro surfers and their sheeplike drivel is a could have been great surfer who wanks about the planet burning fossil fuels at a Gorish rate and giving gobbies to any and every pseudo green bullshit cause he encounters while pretending to be a mysto-soul rider.
How long before he just goes Cat Stevens on the whole deal and folds his hand to go herd goats in Syria? Finless planks are just a blink away from wandering the desert muttering in arabic and chewing dried camel shit.
What a fucking waste of talent.
He’s pretty much the epitome of liberal holier than thou know it all know nothing fuck-wits.
For the record, if you think mermaid girl is hot just imagine what it would be like to listen to her for five minutes. I’ll take nasty anal cougars any day.
You’re probably right jiggy jig, but I might listen to her for five minutes if she indeed did have a pussy.
And urinal, the worst part is that you don’t have a cock as big as mine (at least longer than Todd martins tuna can)
But really, I think ballz makes a teriffic point above that if we can’t make fun of a highly paid fellow that burns mass fossil fuels jetting around the world selling boardshort crafted by child labor, even though they’re made of water bottles and old flip flops, which were probably made by super cheap chinese labor in the first place, and a slutty, pussyless mermaid, then what do we have left?
Well, I guess there’s always stroking my huge veiny cock.
lew, that was good. :)
Thank you for knowing the irony of dave rastavich
I love you Hannah!!!
This site is ace!!, I managed to get god prices and thats my opinion. Thumbs Up !!
Hi , I live in england ,how do i become famous and how did she make a mermaid tail with a plastic cloth ???
I did so at the Wawanesa Hort Day a few days ago and my topic was Garden Art.
I’m with you right through this. You have a right to your own view, and you ought never let anyone tell you anything different. Keep it up!
The biggest problem I have in speaking in public (or private, for that matter) is when I talk on a subject that is emotionally intense for me. I feel myself starting to choke up and I have to fight back tears. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to control this? I know it’s easy to suggest that I avoid those subjects, but that’s not a solution. The subjects I speak about are personal experiences and they are the focus of my talks.
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