This is an aspirational post.
I don't think my personal brand is quite strong enough yet, but in the future I hope to have a Mini-Me.
Yesterday in the comments, Peter Perfect linked to this , Cosmic Love, that Donovan Frankenreiter's wife started. They make zany retro $82 bell bottoms for peace-lovin' tykes, age 2-7!
Check out the photos: Donovan has his very own Mini-Me, who is a cute extension of Donovan's personal brand: a Patchouli-smellin' long hair 60s leanin' big-in-Japan Rock Star. I think Donovan's Mini-Me might be his kid or something, but hopefully they're paying him anyway for his Mini-Me work.
Mini-Me's have been a part of the surf industry for awhile. One of the best examples is Nathan Fletcher. The Fletcher clan are super savvy marketers who did an AWESOME job of creating the "Christian Fletcher" personal brand way back in 1988. They were ahead of their time with the "Christian Fletcher" product: while Damien Hardman was World Champ, Christian was stomping huge airs, growin' out his hair, playing punk rock, droppin' out of 9th grade, rebelling against contests, and scoring cover shots.
"Christian Fletcher" was such a smash-hit brand that his parents gave him his own Mini-Me - little Brother Nathan - who was forced to also grow out his hair, play punk rock, drop out of 7th grade, and stomp airs on a matching board.
We all know how well that stage-parenting worked out. They even made an HBO series about it!
What kind of Mini-Me should I get? Having a kid seems like a lot of work, and I'm not sure if I have the patience to wait that long. I don't have a little brother to use as my Mini-Me. So I'm thinking of adopting an African child or buying an Asian and then using them as my Mini-Me. How long do you think it would take to teach my Mini-Me to write anti-conformist, insightful, juvenile, pretentious, edgey, self-absorbed posts about surf culture?
Now that I think about it, I'm not sure if my personal brand will ever be strong enough to warrant a Mini-Me. Such is the case with Dino Andino - despite a super-marketable name, Andino never really settled on a memorable, durable personal brand other than "PSSA Champ." So now Dino Andino's Mini-Me isn't really a true extention of Dino's personal brand.
Instead, Kolohe Andino seems to be more of a Mini-Me for his sponsor, Billabong. It appears he's a genetically engineered, surf-industry nurtured, perfect extention of Billabong's corporate brand. It's almost as if Billabong's marketing department collevtively birthed a human product to grow and sell. Hmmm. This might be a good strategy for today's marketplace.
You hit on a salient point, that era featured a disinterested Curren and an Occy that somehow dropped the ball on the throne. Damien filled in the blanks with perfunctory surfing…. contest surfing. Like California counterparts, Parsons and PBarr, their boring style of surfing allowed the judges to count pinball “touches” of the lip as actual manuevers.
Christian and Dino were blazing spotlights in comparison. Christian’s functional airs drew the ire of the top whatever because he was nailing covers without competing. He and Larry also exposed Lowers as the gem of trestles and the area is fucked to this day. Dino made shitty beach break look insane and radical. Temporary relevance, but inspired.
Don’t go asian boy, Lewis, I can read the innuendo now. But Mark would probably qualify and he’s already “trying”to write. So bouyed by his comment of the weak, you could get him to dress up…… or down to be your mini twin.
Then you send him off to do interviews when the circus hits town! I’m sure you’ll come up with some fun questions that Bammy can ask deadpan. Hire a camera crew and you’re the new show on FUEL.
dude-it’s edgy!
true story-
out at lowers with his crew, Brother pulled down his suit and shat between sets as his friends laughed hysterically.
I see some parallels with his brand.
Having Mark as mini-me would be great…in fact, we should all have a self loathing, bible banging, closeted homosexual mini-me. Then we could all feel just like Eddie Rothman does when he’s got Makua by his side.
I’d not go too hard on Kolohe…he’s the best grom in the world per Surfer, despite the fact that he’s never won anything of world consequence. He’s got a lot of pressure on his shoulders thanks to his dad and Billabong - I just hope all that home schooling has him prepared to be the next John John (which at the rate it’s going, isn’t a great thing).
Now Mike is baiting Mark with his little ” comment of the WEAK” snip. Dude why don’t you guys leave Mark alone and try and live your own life. It seems as if all Mike does is needle Mark for a Christian comment he made 2 or 3 months ago.
Seriously.Oh yeah and JustSayin is probably Stu.
SmyrnaJeff you are a moron. Take a break from suckling Mark’s utter and get a clue. If we are to go by your school of thought, you are probably Mark. Which would mean you are suckling yourself…..not cool.
Seriously, Mark is a great commentator and I love reading his shit. I just enjoy giving him shit as well. You Smyrna are barely worth the 5 seconds it took to write this post.
and SmyrnaJeff is Mark. Man, this is fun.
You like me, you really like me!
LS. Go Asian. The kid will cook you much better food.
One more thing.
Bindi Irwin.
BTW, lest anyone think I’m really Scott Bass, I’m not. Apparently.
True Story-
In the old Wave Warriors videos little Nathan reminded me of “Chaka” from Land of the Lost.
Lewis, don’t go buy a munchkin from the Philippines. It might take only a year of two, but the little bugger would become socialized.
Not only possibly taking over everything you own, but taking your writing gig as well.
I go my eye on you!
how jaded would a lewis sams mini be?
the kid would be smoking filterless Pall Malls, swillin wild turkey and espousing profound bits to all the other 12 year old. oh, and the kid would charge.
Maybe its all the hippys here in s.c. getting to me, but come on man you live in the city.Buy fresh buy local they got an unwanted mini Lewis in the tl,south of market perhaps Chinatown
ASP surf contest online commentary sucks balls. Andino and Company should stick to selling boardshorts and surfing socal with periodic mega-trips to Fiji. But please no more online surf contest heat commentary from them wankers.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
what’s worse? hippies or these fashion plates?
here’s another mini me.
me mates son’s band.
Bravo!
@Bob Dobb
I have no idea why you’re comparing the two. Apart from the fact hippies are hairy and so are Saudi girls.
Don’t ask me how I know.
@ PeterPerfect
they also both like Indian food
@meatwad,
Salaam Alaikum.
Nice call. Mmmmm. Biryani.
Note: They also both greet friends with “peace”.
@PeterPerfect.
not comparing, just saying…
@Bob Dobb
Don’t swim down the deep end unless your parents have said it’s ok.
@PP, i won’t. but they are making me wear some pretty hideous pants.
Sat Sri Akaal.
@ Bob Dobb
At what age do you think that Donovan Frankenreiter’s son will come to him and say, “Dad, wake up you drug-addled faux-hippie”. No, that’s not it. “Dad, I want to become a charted accountant and wear a suit.”
Oh i don’t know. After what year in therapy, PP?
Hey Lewis how about a preview of the frickin Billabong Pro in beautiful Tahiti? If I have to listen to one more quip from this Bob Dobb barn I am going to lose my mind.
I would rather hear Keith Obermann interview Chris Dodd, Nancy Pelosi, Maxine Waters, and Tim Gaithner all at once than read this garbage.
I would rather watch my mom give B. Rot a back rub while delivering him lukewarm budweisers in a trailer in Panama City Florida that has a broken air conditioner.
Please Lewis. This site is all I have. Sales are down, I am penniless, the swell has dropped and my dog has worms. My cable is turned off and I am on the wagon. PLEASE LEWIS! Deliver me from the hell of Bob Dobb!
Hey Mark, which frequent, fabulous and witty contributor to these comments was mentioned in today’s post?
Which retired pro cry-baby who sneeringly mentioned the tour as ‘three to the beach’ tried and failed to make it into the Billabong Pro in beautiful Tahiti? Hint: He apparently has a ’surf shop’ with no surfboards.
Oh yeah and whenever I am surfing and one of my friends yells”go Mark!” all the Hui local guys look around at me like they know I am PostMark. I better not get my ass kicked Lewis! I haven’t even said anything derogatory about them but I think frickin MuckFarks comment the other day ruffled some feathers.
P.S. Do you know any good travel agents that specialize in one way tickets? My departure point would be “Open Air Prison” and my arrival point would be” Mikes moms in Tarzana”. Date would be as soon as school gets out June 5th. You better watch my back Lewis!
Wow. Peter Perfect knows how to log onto the internet and check the results of a surf contest.
Did I say I was a Bruce Irons fan? I was rooting for Kalani Chapman or Mark Healy.
What bullshit, fake Mark, real Mark has no friends. I wish Lewis would make us register our names. Then at least we’ll realize that the psychopathic BlandBlabberStinkMouth is actually more than one poster.
Markie Mark, give me a break, brother.
today is a holiday.
The Feast of St. Guinness the Stout.
Wow. Mark had a bad day selling pens on the sidewalk.
Listen PerfectlyPunyPeter. Please pleasure our people and posters with a profoundly prompt departure from PostSurf.
In other words BEAT IT!
OK. Sorry Mark. Bye.
@peterperfect
what’s wrong w/ being a chartered accountant?
I just got back from scouting some of the comments threads over at Transworld - eventually determining that a flame war with jungle-gym caliber fartknockers like Chris Cote’s army was beneath the notice of Masters of Hilarity like ourselves… and I come back to this inbred swordfighting?
THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS!!!!!!
Rot you sure are always up late? Where do you live?
Mark you are absolutely on fire since LS crowned you. I may have to change my name if you keep this up. Maybe something witty…….. like A.Knostic, too passe? How about Pleasedonthurtmemrrothmansir?
Bob Dobb you are the new SmyrnaJeff. Only much, much worse. Please, for the love of god (some more than others, I know), read your post out loud to yourself before submitting. I think you will be shocked with what you hear.
I live in shame Mark. But I can hold my head up high, because my ethnicity is still 40% Napalm, and 50% Death.
Do not ask where the other 10% lies… otherwise, I will have to fuck you up.
In the ear.
You all can say what you will about Mark, Dog knows I have. But, I will fucking destroy anyone who says anything bad about Mark’s mother. I will kick you in the balls after I’ve dropped you to the ground with a roundhouse kick to the face. I will force you to foreclose on your home and then I’ll sell it to homosexual gypsies. I will travel into the future and kill your grandchildren with a club meant for a baby seal. I will shove bamboo chutes under your fingernails and then make you do 100 fingertip push-ups. I will fuck your dog while you watch. In your dog’s ear. I will swallow a jelly dong, shit it out, and stick it in your mouth.
You hear me?
You’ve been warned mothérfückers.
Mark’s mom is so fat…
…awe hayull no!
That jelly dong DOES taste like crap!
@BR
Napalm death rules!!
@Trauzersnake,
My Diatribes may be Scum, but Inside I’m Torn Apart by the majority of surfing journalism’s Enslavement to Obliteration. As for this Smear Campaign against Lewis Samuels, I say we Be Leaders, Not Followers.
The Code Is Red, Long Live The Code.
This is so fucking boring.
@Villager with a Pitchfork,
Hello!? We are not your therapist. We don’t want to know about your personal life.
Just cram it scratch hole.
fuck, no wonder the fletcher bros turned out the way they did. i’d be traumatized if my folks make me do gay shit like that
Lewis,
The problem with your own plan to adopt a mini-me in an African orphan is that you would lose authenticity points immediately for the infant’s dick would already greatly outsize your own…resulting in a gross error of misrepresentation…
Then again, misrepresentation seems to be a theme on this blog…
That was fuckin’ heavy…
What a bunch of fucking lightweights. Jason dimwit, what’s being misrepresented, exactly, you pseudo-articulate wanker, besides the size of your ape brain?
so much hipster-runoff-isms here
Hey Man, Don’t fuck with Kolohe! That’s everybody’s brother . . .
So many asswipes, so little punctuation.
Smyrna is a clown.
I have work Mark. If you decide to stay on the rock, keep a low pro. Plus, none of those guys is too bright, your exercise with everyone on this site has you assuming everyone is intelligent. Except Smyrna.
Fire is so gnarly. How guilty should one feel to enjoy great surf while your home town is blazing? El nino ‘83, ‘97, the fires of ‘78, ‘91, ‘06…… I walk home from insane surfs while everyone around me panics.
Kolohe is an experiment, corporate child development. If it works ( titles ), we’re all in big trouble and will look back on the days of Christian Zombies ( Reality).
There’s been corporate whoring of kids in every sport, in movies and television for years. Surfing now being a “sport” is no exception.
However, Donovan whoring his kid as he does and molding him into a love child is pretty pathetic.
Um WTF? OMG, LOL. DIAF Kooks.
Not sure what you are trying to tell us Ryan. Your emo text language does not translate well on this blog. Please put the iphone down and grab a dictionary. Then you will be able to enlighten all of us lowly cretins with your insightful and witty commentary. I’m sure OMG DIAF would be a mind blowing read all spelled out. Clown
Jason Ditmare and PeterPerfect should fuck the hell out of their rear entrances. They’re so HOT!
Besides, they’re so cock experts they could teach each other what are the chemical elements contained on their sperm.
Muck, Ryan and kolohe are the future….. be prepared because they’re incapable.
“mind blowing?” what are you like 60 years old? Too much acid in the 70’s?
Log off the interwebz and go read a Michael Crichton paperback. You’re too old to be commenting on surfy blogs
The Fletcher parents…. And this year’s models, Downey Don/the Frankenreiter folks.
Possibly ending up as the next Marv and Todd Marinivich?
Forget the EOTWAWKI.
The future looks to be just as entertaining as the past.
Ryan your sense of sarcasm is almost as strong as your grasp of the English language. I only meant to compel you to take your time and write something interesting if you feel the need to post. Just to make things a little easier on you, here is the question:
What the fuck was the point of your post?
Allow me to quote, from the great wordsmith of our next generation (Ryan), “Um WTF? OMG, LOL. DIAF Kooks.”
BTW (see that Ry, I’m catching on) I’m probably younger than you and Michael Crichton is the last author that I would pick up for inspiration/enlightenment.
Ryan, r u frreal? dood, wtf r u thnkin, dat cid was pure chit n gav me sooper vicion o th future. 2 cool, bro, nise to c dat U reed!
Case closed:
I believe this is your second post where you wonder if you should breed? Are you approaching your 30th birthday? You seem to be in the process of divorcing yourself from everything you thought was cool about surfing and reexamining your place in the world. Do you have any siblings who have had children? I ask because I wonder if your DNA is in jeopardy of being extinguished from this earth. Your ancestors have survived famines, plagues and war over thousands of years. Will your genetic line end with the selfish life of the solitary surfer?