The great politician Gandalf once said, "With great power comes great responsibility." That's how I feel about the right to vote. As an American, I take the right to vote very, very seriously. I believe it's our civic duty to research and consider all candidates, and then cast our vote for the person we believe in.
So I've spent most of today trying to decide who will get my vote in .
In case you haven't heard, the family-friendly marketing geniuses at No Fear (one of the most CORE surf brands) are running a "Mother's Day Promotion" in which the public votes for the Hottest MILF. The contest site isn't big on details, but I think one of the Mom's who entered into this contest is going to win a $500 shopping spree.
The polls close at 11:30pm today - so please do your civic duty!!!
Let's consider some of the candidates:
Here's our current front-runner. She's currently pulling in 38% of the vote and it's easy to see why. She fits No Fear's brand perfectly. She's kinda giving off that Shauna Sand vibe. Reminds me of where Shauna asks her 9-year-old daughter if she wants to be in Playboy. The daughter responds sarcastically, ""Yeah, a little girl in a magazine with stripper shoes and a bathing suit."
Honestly, I'm not sure what's going on in this photo. I can count 5 trailer-trash inlanders in No Fear gear, but it's hard to tell much else. Which one is the MILF? Is that a grandkid or Cheeto bloat? Is that a son or the Dad on the right?
I think this Mom mixed up the Hottest MILF contest with the Hottest Chola Eyebrows contest. Nice Sharpie work, hon. And is that a tree branch, or did this crazy bitch give her baby an asymmetrical mohawk?
This is clearly the Hottest MILF in the contest. This is some shit, right here. We're laughing now, and she's only pulling 1% of the vote, but this hot mess must know something we don't. Why else would she enter the Hottest MILF contest? Once the lights are off, I'm guessing she can bust out some hidden talent our puny minds can't even fathom.
Alright kids. Go cast your vote!
Going with 15
Those contenders are solid, but my vote still goes to Mark’s mom. I wonder if No Fear accepts write in candidates??
Though I think I might actually know 20
3 - has a submarine parked on her stomach, is she pregnant? That’s hot!
7 – can you say DIRTY SANCHEZ. I mean she needs one. (not racist) love em all!
8 – the daughter needs to get fucked.
9 – looks at me weird in the grocery store, not sure if it’s because she doesn’t approve of my lip ring attached to my earring or if she wants a hot beef injection
11 – has potential but am afraid she suffers from long bottom (see ‘Why you have such nice tits’ to keep your eyes off her tire).
13 – Not sure what to say about that. I fucked her last night with your wiener.
16 – WINNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What the fuck mate?
Growing up the poor, mongrel immigrant son of poor, mongrel immigrant parents, the abuelos used to tell me: “Anda, m’hijo. Go as far as you can, until you reach California where all the women have the blonde hair and the boobies like the SCUD missiles. Go because you deserve a better life. Go, because we cannot.”
On this great day, these women bring tears of joy to my eyes because they are the fulfillment of a dream, THE DREAM in fact. God bless Jesus and Martin Luther King and Ben Barka and so many others who died so that these sugar tittied maidens may show their sweet charms to the world. The west coast really is the land of milk and honey.
Lewis,
The PR stuff is great (got us all ‘hooked’), but this shit seems to insult the intellect on here. And at times it’s just plain creepy. I know you can do better. There are some legitimate debates you could hold on this thing.
Enjoy the sunshine and give it some thought.
Occ
Shit is kinda hype actually. It’s Friday night and all those fux are up to something on the other side of the ditch in my area.
If Lewis can help skew the voting, his job is done.
Good on ya, Lewis!
Now roomies, go vote all ready!
Creepy, total redneck humor. why not do a piece on the losers over at fantasysurf.com? lot of experts over there. any tahiti projections?
drink a no fear energy drink and pump sunny’s wife who looks like one of these fake titted blonde milf whores
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FFFFFUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKUUUUUUDDDUUUDDDEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
did you guys forget me in this contest?
Wow, i got a great idea……how about Postsurf’s largest cock contest??? thanks in advance, ‘preciate it.
hey trauzer, you’d win hands down.
’sept, YOUR hands down some other dudes Donnie Franfurter pants would count as a disqualification.
Boop, Boop!
@Bob
MY hands seldom are removed from their clasp around the girth of my mega meatwhistle. Your witness!!
I call the attention of the jury to trauzeworms exceedingly tiny hands.
The prosecution rests.
And the fact that his tiny digits rarely leave the accompaniment of his esquire’s bellbottomed Frankfurter trousers.
I THROW MYSELF (”THAWHAPP”") (as the courtromm is taken aback in a collective gasp) on the mercy of the court…..
…sorry about the office furniture your highness!!!!
At the risk of sounding like a malodorous, impertinent pervert; I will attempt to humbly set forth a brief précis of No Fear’s most nettlesome bruta fulmina in hopes of convincing you, the reader, to help build an inclusive, nondiscriminatory movement for social and political change.
Let me preface my point by quickly reasserting a familiar theme of my previous comments on this blog: No Fear maintains that we’re supposed to shut up and smile when it presents its smarmy product. Perhaps it would be best for it to awaken from its delusional, narcoleptic fantasyland and observe that while it and other unstable scroungers sometimes differ on the details and scale of their upcoming campaigns of homogenized rebellion; they never fail to agree on the basic principle and substance.
Hence, it is imperative that you understand that No Fear truly believes that it was chosen by God as the trustee of His wishes and desires. It is just such audacious, satanic megalomania, morbid egoism, and intellectual aberrancy that stirs No Fear to thrust all of us into scenarios rife with personal animosities and petty resentments. Only No Fear and their energy-drink swilling ilk can praise an institution that is as intellectually challenged and morally crippled as it itself.
That’s all I have to say. Thank you.
Where’s Mark? The witching hour’s almost here?
And Mr. Samuel’s, this was a weak offering. I know it’s Friday and all. But dude… we DO have bigger fish to fry.
‘Fact I gots me a halibut right here thats beggin’ fer the BBQ.
Brb…
I’m busy hanging with my family. Earlier I wrote my mom a nice card. Have a nice evening Blas.
(crickets.)
Are we voting on the moms or the mom/kid combo? For me I kind of like to forget the kid bit when I’m thinking MILF but maybe I’m not in the NoFear demographic
This kind of Jerry Springer shit has assumed an increasingly legitimized place in American society. Hardly anyone on here is commenting on how fucked up it is, and I find that distrubing. Imagine if that were your mom. Wait until you have kids, you won’t laugh. Those kids are going to have problems and they just might burn you or someone you care about later in life. I am somewhat disappointed in Lewis posting the link to that shit because it ultimately benefits Lost and their debase contest. But, I think Lewis likes to explore the extreme, and there is something to be learned there. It certainly lends perspective to extremists on the other side. This kind of depravity is what you consider before strapping a bomb to yourself in the name of religion. Edmund Burke said something about good people watching and doing nothing.
I am really starting to like Ballz. Does that sound weird?
it’s never surprised how far towards perpetual embarrassment and internet ridicule some folks will go for free schwag.
and thats what we love about ‘em.
and yes, that No Fear juice is horse.
Lewis–I’m disappointed you have yet to comment on the SI article on Slater. What’s your take? Being crowned as the best surf writer around (on your own blog) is kind of like being voted mvp of the special olympic badminton team. However at least we would see your honesty and integrity if you admitted that the best piece of “surf journalism” in the past 5 years was written by a guy who likely can’t surf, likely can’t name 2 spots on the north shore, could care less about Billabongs influence on surfline, likely can’t tell a longboard from a shortboard and could care less about a MILF contest but is eloquent and insightful. Aren’t you a little uneasy that some journalistic nonsurfing kook just dropped in on you, did a fade and drawn out bottom turn (stuffing you into the postsurf blog-pit) then proceeded to get spit out of a sick literary shack?
AT least with that acknowledgement you’d also realize you need to do more writing. ‘Rebellious’ cynicism and sarcasm are one dimensional and ultimately boring. If you want to transcend your “niche” and become a writer instead of a surfer-writer you need more practice. But it really starts with honesty. So lets hear it….what’re your thoughts on the Gary Smith article??
milf stuff is fratboy humor. NOT funny. u a fratboy? 2009.
How to tell this was a less than stellar post.
1) few comments
2) most of the comments (esp. ones who went along with the post) were
by D-list commentators.
3) most of the better Postsurf commentators remained silent
4) Assphlegmy digressed from his typical digressions to
matter-of-factly chide Samuels’ substandard submission
Since you raised the issue Erik, and this is a less than stellar topic, let’s have your rankings. Who are the A listers, B listers and so on? Lewis has yet to chime in here, so why not Erik? By the way, keep in mind that I’m carrying a pitchfork, like starting fires and anger easily.
Stay away from Santa Barbara, Villager.
I’m sure many of you have read Richard Henry Dana, Jr.’s, “Two Years Before the Mast”. Dana describes his 2 years on a commercial ship which traversed the coast of California in the 1830s. One thing I distinctly remember was his description of the mountains around Santa Barbara as barren and charred from a recent fire. The other is how he could have had Rincon to himself.
Oh yeah, and nothing wrong with liking Ballz, Mark. Ballz like you too. You’d be surprised how many people can’t get enough of me.
Ist heat in tahiti is almost over and Mikey pikon hasn’t caught one wave and T. Reyes has a 1.00 and a 1.5.
Mother nature is a fickle lady. What will Mikey think of the new format if he eliminated by a 2.50 after not catching a single wave? Why can’t Chopes deliver for this contest?
ok, i’m gonna go out on a limb here…..I would like to nominate for MILF of the year Lewis Samuels mom: Barbara Streisand..! If it weren’t for you setting up that $43 million dollar trust fund the day of little Lew’s bris, PostSurf would not be possible…thanks Bab’s you will always be my nominee for the NoFear hot mama!
bashful bull too did a really good comment up there. It’s been a while since i was considering to comment here about Tim Winton latest novel “Breath”, but there seems to be too many kids around worried about their dick size, unaware of the real deal of inserting it into a real good pussy and the mind blogging repercutions of that act (or acts). I guess Gary article is way more postsurfy.
I am a godamn Navy SEAL!!! I dip into more stanky saltwater blowholes before you surf weasels have mommy pour her sour milk onto to your bowl of Count Choculas in the morning!! Nobody…. I REPEAT, NOBODY owns…wait I’m going to repeat it again to be clear, nobody…nobody… nobody….owns the words NO FEAR!!!!! Nobody! except SEALS. We are fear-free - and dolphin safe.
Get lost Rottmouth! I know it’s you, baby seal.
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Interesting PostSurf » Get out the VOTE!: and thanks for the share! Welcome First time hopped here on your site, founde on ASK. I would just like to say “THANK YOU” for a VERY quick response. I didn’t expect it SO quick. You have given me/us some good advise and believe me, it is greatly appreciated!!!! Thanks Again!!!! zoie Send me news to Corbridge@yahoo.com
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