Watching the Billabong Pro Tahiti webcast brings to mind some obvious surf industry conflicts of interest. Other sport leagues believe that conflicts of interest delegitimize professional sport. Therefore, they go to lengths to avoid them. But the ASP?
Bitch, pleeeeease!
Let's consider three examples:
1) Wildcards: Think about this one for a second. How fuckin' absurd is it that an event sponsor has the ability to hand-pick who their top team rider will face in their first heat? Essentially, this is how the system currently works.
At the QuikPro, Kelly Slater was automatically seeded against the lowest wildcard. So, if Quik was serious about Kelly winning Title Ten, they could have put him up against a marketable, well-liked Quik young gun who is notoriously scatterbrained in contests. Kelly surfed against Julian Wilson. I'm not sayin'... but I'm sayin'.
Same story in Tahiti. Parko has the number one seed now. Billabong got to hand-pick two of the three wildcards. They could have easily granted Occy a wildcard, figuring a drunk, flabby Occ would be a pretty cush draw for Parko, if it lined up that way. They gave the widcard to Andy Irons instead.
With the new single-elimination format, it's a bit harder for sponsors to cook the books. And in all honesty, it doesn't seem like sponsors ever really try to. But the fact that the ASP gives sponsors an easy, legal way to effect the outcome of a world title race is preposterous.
2) Commentators: At the majority of ASP events, the majority of webcast commentators are salaried employees of the event sponsor. Mike Parsons and Dino Andino work for Billabong and provide commentary. At Quik events, Martin Potter, Todd Kline, and other Quik employees provide the commentary. How can fans possibly view these guys as objective? Would you expect someone who works in marketing at a brand to be objective when analyzing their teamriders vs. a a rival brand's teamrider?
This is old news, of course. In a , Shaun Tomson wrote "It seems many commentators are hired because they are employees of the sponsor and can wear the branded T-shirt while on air....Hire pros not bros."
When I asked Kelly Slater in 2008 if he felt there was a conflict of interest with commentators who work for the sponsor, he replied "Absolutely. You look at pretty much any other sport...the commentatos tell you exactly what athetes are doing right or wrong -- they are very critical of guys. In surfing you don't get that kind of criticism. You don't want to upset any of the sponsors, the commentators do get paid by the company they're working for. They're definitely not going to go out there at a Billabong event and say Taj or Parko's board doesn't look right for the conditions. All of a sudden they're probably going to lose their job. It's something the ASP needs to be in charge of, and they're not. "
Same story when it comes to the commentary provided by the mainstream surf media. One example: Surfline's "new and improved" Power Rankings feature the analysis of three industry insiders. Matt Griggs is the former "Pit Boss" for Rip Curl, and invested years of his life into the success of their team. Jason Borte worked with Quiksilver to create Slater's autobiography, and now runs surf camps with Billabong. Ian Cairns is currently coaching some of the pro surfers, like Gabe Kling, he's supposed to rank, and he's looking to expand his business. How can readers expect unbiased opinions from writers with obvious conflicts of interest?
Egan celebrates parko's win at Bells and then decides when Parko's heat will run in Tahiti.
3) Contest Directors: Luke Egan is the contest director for the Billabong Pro. That means he's largely responsible for making the call about when the event will and will not run. Luke, as part of his job working for Billabong, also acts as Parko's coach and mentor. On a personal level, he's heavily invested in seeing his friend Joel win his first world title. On a professional level, a Parko title might pave the way for a succesful Egan coaching career.
So: how can we expect Luke Egan to make objective decisions about when the contest should and shouldn't run? Case in point: Parko is up against local Heirii Williams in R2. Any dullard, including Dino Andino, understands that Heirii has a much better chance if this heat is run in barrels. Who gets to decide what type of conditions Parko's heat will run in? That's right - Parko's coach, Luke Egan.
I'm not suggesting that Luke Egan is actively trying to cook the books - I'm simply suggesting that the ASP shouldn't allow conflicts of interest like this to persist if they want professional surfing to be taken seriously.
The humor postings are fun (and the comments too), but this is truly what sets Postsurf apart.
Has anyone seen the right that Kelly and Manoa surfed during the waiting period? They should have held one day there. That was some of the best surf I’ve seen. Definitely would’ve changed the game.
gotta agree that Luke being Parko’s coach is pretty conflicting, but it seems to me that without the major sponsors taking control of an event, there would be no event. The ASP isn’t in a position to take the lead in putting these events on as it doesn’t have the wherewithal (money) to even pay for the webcast I would guess.
Until surfing gets to the popularity of say pro bass fishing and the ASP can generate add revenue from companies outside of surfing and stand on its own, then what we got is what we got and…I wouldn’t expect anything different.
how about the judges?arent they sponsored by some brands as well…
Abso-fucking-lutely on point. I have nothing further to add.
Case in point: I heard D’andino say earlier in the broadcast that Andy Irons was so talented he could construct a PWC out of a Wal-Mart shopping cart and a litter of kittens. He then furtively added that AI’s wife can make delicious corn bread out of straw wrappers and ferret’s nipples.
QUik is making a survey asking people who are there 3 favorites international riders and regional(europe)…It looks to me it is a disguize way to see who are they going to keep and who are they going to dump on the sake of the crisis…basically the public votes and does the marketing!
SAAMMMUELLLLS!!! you son of a bitch you’ve done it again. nice job as always helping me beat me online porn addiction
FINALLY!!!!!!!!! Good on ya Lewis!
This is the kind of info I, for one, am looking for on Post Surf. Great point about Luke making the call on Joel’s next heat and also a good quote from Shawn the Prawn.
There must be enough stories like this for Lewis to continue this site without having to go into Echo Beach world or for us to have to listen to an apparently HAMMERED Jamie O. ramble on about about B. Rot and Mike and, I think, me. I read somewhere that Jamie didn’t have his first beer until the day he won the Pipe Masters. Looks like he wasted no time in catching up to his North Shore peers in that department.
As for my self-imposed retirement, well, what can I say.I really enjoy reading these comments as well as vomiting up my own. I will try and do my best to keep it civil from here on out.
P.S. F YOU STU!!!
Is that why NBA referees wear British Knights? Whats up with the jet ski assist dudes? Who do they work for. I noticed at Quik contest they drove slower when Slater wasn’t on the back. Did Billabong pay Budlight to sponsor Freddy P to get him too hammered to surf? But that backfired when AI stole all the suds. Is Steds to tall to fly in Air Tahiti Nui. Lewis might be able to answer that. Is anybody sponsored by air tahiti nui. If so, did the flight attendants spike everyone’s drink except for the team riders and forget to pack a few coffins? I would like to see Artest surf chopes. That dude is more nuts than wardo on a cold Mammoth night.
Agreed Mr. Samuels, but ponder this. Major sports such as professional basketball and football are driven by fan revenue, procured mainly as ticket sales and league-authorized memorabilia. This revenue is then used to compensate the athletes in the form of salaries; the majority of non-surfing professional athletes’ income is salary-based. Only the top superstars such as LeBron James and Peyton Manning (and him, not so much) regenerate revenue for themselves through sponsorship deals, and they are the minority among the thousands of NBA and NFL players.
What this enables other professional sports leagues to do is rely solely upon the actual quality of product put forth onto the court, field, etc and count on the fact that the public will continue to subsidize their brand. These leagues are beholden to no sponsors for profit, save from the uniform sponsors that their leagues contract for blanket uniform deals. Surfing, however, tries to do the exact opposite. The majority of surfers on the ASP earn more from their sponsorships than the paltry winnings they make from contests, wherefrom the prizes themselves are sponsored by major surf-brand clothing companies. Thus, it behooves the ASP to continue their inbred method of generating profit for their product (surfers) because there is no fan-based revenue that the ASP can directly claim. The meager winnings earned at contests are in no way a reflection of the amount of money generated by the very companies who “sponsor” the events through selling surf products. This inevitably leads to sponsor companies having too much to do with the outcomes of contests in order to generate more excitement for their surfers, whose poor compensation for their performance lies in stark contrast to the profits of the company whose sticker resides on their respective boards.
Ultimately, the ASP has been forced into their current system because of the very nature of a surf contest; varying contest windows aren’t conducive to television contracts, and any ticket revenue generated on-site would be minimal at best. I don’t have any ideas on fixing the issue, but I doubt that the ASP will ever be able to find mainstream success like other professional leagues simply because surfing lacks the ability to generate similar profits. Instead, the contest sponsors will continue to reap the rewards while shortchanging the product that their client, the ASP, is trying desperately to make relevant. Just my $.02
On point mate.
I like it, I love it, I want some more of it.
This is all fine and good, but I get it already. Pro surfing is one quarter sport, three quarters marketing tool and the brands have the mags and websites in their clutches. Tell me something I don’t know. When will AI kick it and what’s the story behind his tour drop-off? What’s up with Occy allegedly playing sausage grab with a photog recently? Why can’t Nate Curren, er, Curran, win a heat and what the fuck is up with Dane? If Emslie’s nickname is The Foot, is it safe to assume he could also be called The Cock, and if he was, would Occy take notice? What about Steph Gilmore or Coco Ho? These are the questions burning in my mind.
Hi Mark. Nice to see you other than as SJeff.
I like wine.
Hey Lazer can we get the readers digest condensed version the next time you comment? Bro I am at work and my boss just caught me snoozing at my desk as I tried to focus on your point. True story.
Epic subject matter again Lewis and right on schedule. As that cat said earlier that “this is what sets Postsurf apart” couln’t of been more right on. Mahalo again for the surf mind expansion.
That was actually a really funny comment Stu. I liked it. I hope you have a great day.
P.S. Don’t EVER confuse me with a gator fan!
They want professional surfing to be taken seriously?
Couldn’t (sp) sorry, my chic is telling to hurry up and get ready to take her out to this trendy but hype Italian spot for b-day dinner but I want to look at Postsurf and click over and see if Luke is going to run the 3rd heat of the afternoon after the rain storm. Time to use some gell and clear eyes and kick it.
Right on spot Lewis. The next bombshell to be throw at ASP is about steroids. I took a glimpse at a documentary the other day, bigger, faster stronger or whatever and all the time i was wondering how it is on pro surfing, the use of those substances. It’s very weird that so far only ONE guy got caught, Neco.
Mark comments are as good as a Teahupoo barrel. I mean, almost as good…
With 29 lines of a post i could start my own blog.
Lewis,
Love the post. I enjoy most of them so I won’t comment on whether I think this site should be about thought provoking industry stuff or outlandish, hammered, retarding thoughts from a soon to be iced out Hawaiian.
You bring up great points and show how truly far the ASP is from being considered a respectable sports association.
Thanks!
Back on track LS. This nails it on the head.
It’s a show, sometimes good, sometimes bad but just a show. It is rather obvious though that the ASP should run the show, sponsors should pay the ASP to run an event, not run it themselves. But at the end of the day it’s all bollocks, if you take the hyperbole out of it, it’s 25 minutes of watching 2 people sat in the water.
Blasphemy… Killing me with the Dino comments.
Seconding all the comments above, good job.
Even though events are sponsored, that shouldn’t and really doesn’t mean the ASP can’t run the event. The ASP just needs to do the logistics of events, with the sponsors money. They could very easily hire sports marketing people with no surfing background to do the logistical work who are not on a surf company payroll. It’s a simple solution that they are either ignorant to or are turning their backs on. I know it sounds simple, even to the extent of naive, but it really is easy. My ex was in sports marketing from the late 80-s through the 90’s. People jumped ship from company to company and event to event with no real problems. The events are basically the same in most repsects….the transition is easy. In turn just hire non surf company veterans or private per event contractors.
Oops, I almost typed as much as Lazer.
Mark: Just hammering home the point, and expanding; this isn’t a new topic, LS might have benefitted those of us not blown away by his revelation by giving an alternative option to the status quo. Although I realize the majority of you pissants need everything written in Crayons, so your point is understandable
Is it too late to change my screen name to VIPER or TURBO?
Great fucking post…spot on.
I have to ponder this - it costs what…$1M to put on a contest AT MOST. $320k for the prize money, double that for operations (flights, coordination, water patrol, etc.). Another $200k for insurance, permits, logistics, etc.
And there are a total of 10 events on the “Dream Tour” this year. That makes some quick math that half the guys on tour would have a hard time with: $10 million!!!
WOW. Thats not a lot of chedda’ now is it? I bet Nike pisses $10M in marketing budget during one Lakers/Rockets playoff series. It’s probably 1/3 of Budweiser’s total annual SuperBowl budget.
Point is, doesn’t seem to take a lot of dinero to take control of the ASP in terms of sponsorship and take surfing to a place it deserves to go. Anyone got Mark Cuban’s phone number?
Did someone say profits? How 1990’s…
Profits? WTF is that?
Well-said and completely accurate.
Here’s the problem - each brand is trying to set itself apart somehow, including at comps. There’s no way you get them to give money to support a comp without also giving them the right to run the show. If webcasts made coin like football broadcasts do, then the ASP could tap into the revenue stream and handle things itself. Until then (around the time Hell freezes over), the ONLY way the ASP runs is through, and at the whims of, the brands. You only need to look at poor Yertle the Turtle (Layne Beachley) and her never-ending attempt to get a sponsor for her comp in Sydney to see that if you left it up to the ASP, there would be no contests at all.
Sorry Stu, but I disagree. Look at the PGA. The PGA runs every event and everyone works for them. The sponsors drop huge money on the events to make them “theirs”. There’s no reason the ASP can’t do that on a smaller scale, given the lower overall overhead.
Hey Bob,
Looks like ‘ol Quik is fucked. Great deal you guys made with Rossignal, make out on that one!!!! Maybe you should spend more time on your bottom line instead of going on company surf trips eh. Oh yeah, Mervin was awesome until you took the reigns.
I think all of the contests should be run by the government. And we should regulate the content of what the commentators say. And we should tax the competitors at a rate of 75%. And we should provide free health care for all of the people in the industry.
Oh yeah and the government should have a 55% interest, at least, in all of the surf companies. And the employees should form a union. And if Occy wants to legally marry G.T. then that should be allowed. And they should show pictures of the 10 year olds in China who are working 15 hours a day to make the surf trunks in 100 degree heat.
P.S. Has Snips ever heard of a teleprompter?
@Stu - I hear that but the type of money we are talking about it minimal in the grand scheme of things. Sure, 2009 might be a bad year to bring this about but its ridiculous when you consider it.
Hell, allow the secondary sponsors (Quik, Bong, Globe, etc.) to come in and handle aspects of the commentary. There is enough downtime during these events to ‘characterize’ the surfs and get more good shit from them. More surfers talking - less bro/brah bullshit from the brands.
A major sponsor, in conjunction with the ASP, would/should have the rights to pump out the broadcast. Get the surfers up in the booth and let them add some flavor. Put together a daily recap (22 mins + commerical time) which can syndicate via Fuel TV (and OZ/Europe equivalent) the SAME DAY the contest rolled.
Cheers Lewis, distinguishing yourself through the silent obvious…. well done, nothing to add.
Welcome back Mark.
Well said, Lewis. I’ve been wondering about these same things for a while now. It cheapens the sport of surfing to have contest media coverage completely propped up by the event sponsors. But this is the catch: without corporate sponsorship to fund a TV deal to fund an impartial staff of Contest Directors and commentators for the ASP as an organization, I just don’t see it happening. It would be great to see Fuel TV provide live contest coverage, or at least see the ASP website streaming the contest live and on demand, instead of on the Bong/Quik/Hurl site.
John Madden has retired from doing Football commentary; maybe he would consider stepping in to take Todd Kline’s place…John Madden doesn’t fly, so the first step is to find an amphibious tour coach.
Man all of that stuff that dude David Axelrod was saying is scary. Thank goodness our government here in America would never consider implementing policies like that.
@Lazer,
Good points, but keep in mind that ticket revenue in American Professional sports do not pay player salaries. In the NBA, Television deals and memorabilia revenues pay for a vast majority of player salaries. Ticket sales merely cover Arena operations and staff.
@Kaiser,
Right on, it would be great to see a daily wrap up on something like Fuel TV the same day as the contest. It would be even better to see all of the scoring and narly scoring waves in the heats.
Oh no, surfing contests aren’t legit. Marketing bias? Really? Fucking showstopper of a post!
Here is an idea: How about you, well, ignore them then like the other 99.99999999 per cent of people?
Oh, that would mean not having anything to write about any more. Or is Postsurf simply another hog, albeit sexy, circling the surf industry pig trough.
snort
and yes, I love Ms Piggy. snort.
check that grammer: “It would be even better to see all of the scoring and NEARLY scoring waves in the heats.”
I know that many surf contest webcasts already do this, but they take a 30 minute heat and boil it down to only 1-2 minutes. It would be much better if they spent a little longer with each heat so that fans could get a better feel for the flow and pacing of each heat.
This would be along the lines of what they do in the Mexican League Soccer wrap up shows on Mexican TV. They show all of the memorable plays and goals from each game, spending maybe 10+ minutes recapping a 90 minute game.
Thanks for the kind words Bodhi! However Lazer gave us 29 lines of a COMMENT. Not a POST. Lewis does POSTS.Then he puts them up on his BLOG.
But I do appreciate the kind words you said during your COMMENT on Lewis’ BLOG regarding Lewis’ POST.
Hey C.
Looks like you aren’t part of the 99.999999%.
Someone please KILL GT & while you are at DINO.
They both are fucking terrible.
Is it just me or is this contest a yawner? They should hold it like the Eddie. Gotta be big and scary to run it. I could get barreled in this six foot squally shit no problem. Bring back that Conan Gotcha swell. And oh yeah, my son doesn’t like cock you fucking homos.
About every third heat I watch, I find difficulty in understanding scores. It happened a lot at Bells and I noticed that everytime I began to internally question an exchange scored…. the announcers validated the scores, yet no dissent had been offered. Damage control of sorts. It occurred often enough for me to begin anticipating the fluff job coming.
There is a world of surfing that doesn’t give a shit about any of this and the first medium to address that much bigger audience will have market share to themselves…. Kew and Samuels.
The best writing from Kew is camping alone up north…..
Samuels is the provacateur and unfortunately, may need the circus to weild his poison pen.
Uggggghhhh. AAAAAAwwwwwhhhhhhhhh. Yeeeeaaaahhhhh.
@SF. With you brother. Terrible.
What’s the chance they run through Heat 7 and then call it for the day?
Heat 8: Parko vs. Heiarii Williams
Going to heat 6 and calling it over for the day…..surprise.
well, actually I am part of that 99%.
I come here to lurk on you Mark. Ever since you got quote of the week I find you strangely irresistible.
going to heat 6, ha! but in terms of a pro-parko conspiracy isn’t it better for it to be like this, rather than possibly bigger conditions tomorrow? in any case, joel has consistently done well here in the past.
but back to the wildcards, why doesn’t the top ranked surfer get to surf the 45th ranked surfer rather than some local expert, say here or at pipe or even julian wilson on the goldie? would joel rather go against marlon lipke or the local tahitian that gets thru the trials?
It is COMMENT OF THE WEEK. Not quote of the week. Lewis can we get some more rulebooks printed up please?
oh shit! pro surfing isn’t totally ethical?!?!?!?!?
The NBA playoffs start tomorrow and they’re going to allow an “at large” team into the tournament. Nike is picking the participant who was not part of the season andthen they will scramble the draw as they see fit.
David Stern is waiting on pins and needles for the “wildcard”.
Pipe Masters is for the WCT. Backdoor shootout is for the local rippers. Different leagues, both legit. Any world title decided by a wildcard ( upset ) is no longer relevant.
Hey guys, look for me on the webcast tomorrow!
Finally some intelligent comments. My problem is the judging. It is what really keeps contest surfing from being legit. It is amazing that during contests commentators & pros guest commentating (prime example is Hobgood (I forget which one) at Bells) literally stating that they have to keep their mouth shut presumably because someone (ASP? Judges?) would come down on them. The judging often makes no sense & the commentators literally state that the right surfer made it through - meaning the surfer w/ the two best waves. The problem is the announcers tell a surfer he needs a 6.77 & he gets it, but they give him a 6.5 b/c they overscored his earlier wave or underscored his rival’s 1st wave etc. I’d have no problem w/ this IF the criteria was the best combined 2 waves, which would not be scored until the heat was over.
I can’t wait until they make the inevitable postsurf revisited documentary 20 years from now so I can go on camera with my Jessie beard and remind everyone how Mark, Stu, Mike, Blasphemy and the boys were, “Goin’ OFF!” I mean they were “GOIN’ OFF!” My eyes will get really big on the second “goin’ off” for dramatic emphasis.
Ditto everybody else, well done Lewis. Particularly relevant for me is the conflict of interest as it pertains to commentary. It’s all too apparent that guys like Dino avoid stepping on toes. The result is boring-ass commentary.
My dream webcast would be Lewis and Blasphemy as commentators, with Mark handling the interviews. The troll from Blacks could drop in periodically for guest commentary. On breaks, the 8 tittied swine flu freak, Lindsey Lohan and Alana Blanchard would take over. I guaranfuckingtee you they would be more entertaining.
no shit I posted something very similar yesterday before I read this. even working the wildcard angle in a seperate story. don’t hold it against me, just trying to make my chase burns cinderella story come true. freakin weird…check it out.
two thumbs up sambo
Fuck you Ballz, I should be the MC… and why the fuck Mark? Is he the GT equivilant. Welcome home, Mark, you’ll find your niche’.
Wow, thanks for giving me comment of the week, it’s so cool to be honored as the best critic on the PostSurf Annual Awards Ceremony. I owe it all to Gator, Smyrna, Bammie Haole, God, Jesus, and GWB. With a special mention of Dickiebaby Cheney.
Glad to see “Change” means obstruction. Why involve the rule of Law, when the paradigm of profit dictates the worship of False God’s…. but we dig yours too!!!!!!
Mike, I know a cozy little sea cave where we can go swimming and look for sea eels.
I’ll tell you why Mark. Because he’s a right-wing, rushbo surfer, who is obviously in the minority around these parts, and he’s managed to stay on postsurf nonetheless. And, no matter how preposterous or even terrifying I find his politics, I respect that. Plus, he would give Blasphemy and Lewis plenty of material.
Actually, I thought about making the 8 tittied freak the mc, but the interviews would simply consist of the pro surfer staring, unable to speak, with mouth agape. And we already have that.
I’ll tell you what Mike, I’ll let you sit in with the 8 tittied freak, Lindsey Lohan and Alana if you want. Just don’t stare at her 8 tits the whole time. Her face is up here you know!
The evolution of Mark.
6:25, today, Mark says:
→”Thanks for the kind words Bodhi! However Lazer gave us 29 lines of a COMMENT. Not a POST. Lewis does POSTS.Then he puts them up on his BLOG.
But I do appreciate the kind words you said during your COMMENT on Lewis’ BLOG regarding Lewis’ POST.”
3:40, May 7, Mark says:
→”Dear Mudo,
You let your politics cloud your POSTING judgement? Dude YOU don’t post on here.This is Lewis’s BLOG. HE posts. You can only COMMENT on Lewis’s POSTS as well as the COMMENTS of other COMMENTATORS.
Hey Lewis can we get a rulebook for Mudo please?”
8:20, MARCH 28, Decarte’s Doubt says:
→” ‘…maybe I am blogging up the wrong tree.’
Mark, you are not blogging on this site. You make comments on someone else’s blog.
Your Borat’s sister shtick was overlooked because two other “commenters” were being more entertaining (hence the acknowledgment by the actual “blogger”). [footnote- me and Assphlemy]
But just to lift your fragile self-esteem, the Bryant/Namath hackysack comment was pretty funny. People laughed, like me. Just because no one comments on your comment doesn’t mean its not.
A philosophical riddle:
If someone who is NOT a blogger makes a funny comment on someone else’s blog on the web, but no one is there to hear the web users laugh, was the comment funny?” -from the Deuce Whitlock post.
When I first came to this site, I wrote under many different monikers. One day, it was Decarte’s Doubt.
I remember what I read and what I write very well, and so have been humored to see Mark now, with many emphatically strewn capital letters, raging against misnomers. (He also brought up his 3 month old failed Borat’s sister gag very recently, too, but that’s a separate issue.)
Why am I sharing this? Thought it was funny.
Do I dislike Mark? Quite the opposite.
Mark, I hope this doesn’t seem like a cheap shot to you. Smile at it.
AOW! AOW! AOW!
That would be ANALOGY of the WEEK. It is a toss up. First we have Mark’s Obama administration socialism analogy as it relates to pro surfing with Mark posing as David Axelrod( of course according to Stu I am Mark as well ). Then we have Mike’s NBA analogy with Nike hand picking the “at large” team and David Stern waiting on “pins and needles for the wildcard”.
Both valiant efforts but I have to give it to Mark. After all I AM Mark. What would you expect?
P.S. Wheres Blasphemy Rottmouth? Now that Mark is back I guess B.Rot.has a little poopy diaper because he has to share center stage. Kind of like when Slater lost that final heat at Pipe to A.I. that cost him the world title and he went and cried in the Johnsons backyard.
…and now off for another heli-ski.
Kaiser and Old Kook, I think the difference is that sports like golf have huge revenue streams to keep the governing bodies afloat whereas here, there’s really no financial benefit to hosting a comp at all. At best, it’s an expensive PR event. Ever been to a PGA event? $$ to get in, $$ for food and drink, $$ for merchandise. Then they’ve got the golden corporate folks paying top $$ for tents. Then they’ve got world-wide TV coverage, diverse sponsor groups (banks, golf stuff, you name it) trying to get a minute of the rich golfers of the world watching those tournaments on TV, full-blown media coverage etc. It’s just not comparable to a surf comp in the middle of nowhere that’s just being watched but us assclowns here and a few thousand others for free on line.
Hello dickwads!
Just got back from rogering the pet goat I keep tethered to the fencepost in my backyard - whom I’ve nicknamed ‘Mark.’
The fencepost, not the goat. My she-goat’s got much more common sense than Mark.
Anyway, did anything happen whilst I was away??
I can’t stand it when people use false names on this blog Eric. I really don’t appreciate the fact that you decived us.I have only done it a few times and I will confess them to you now. I have been:
Mark, Mark’s Mom, Mark’s Cousin from Alabama, SmyrnaJeff, Someone, Barrack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, David Axelrod, Average Guy, Hynd-kampion-Warshaw and Hawk, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter and maybe a dozen or so others that I cannot recall at the moment.
I was NOT, I mean absolutely NOT Mark’s Uncle from Alabama and I am definately NOT MUCKFARK!!!!!
My wife just called and said our computer at home isn’t working. See you G.T.’s (that is Billabongese for deuschebags) tomorrow.
Since when did this comments thread become the Oprah fucking Book Club boot-camp? Mark, nobody cares about your emotions or your feelings or your fucking alter egos. Take it from me. I hope you trip and fall into the dumpster of a cancer factory.
There, I said it.
Whoopdifriggin’ do. It’s all in good fun… it’s dark mocking humor. I am not a sociopath, but I have a very morbid sense of humor and am a pretty fucked up individual in general.
Hate does nothing but nurture hate! What are you; Maury Povich?
In summation: Go eat a cock.
Like I said B.Rot. has a little bit of a poopy diaper going. Kind of sucks when your schtick is all played out and you don’t have a back up plan huh Rot?
Like we have all said many times before it is now PAINFULLY obvious that Blasphemy Rottmouth is Lewis Samuels. Listening to your pathetic, whiny cry of manic depression makes me want to quit posting on this ridiculous Site or Blog or Post or whatever the hell it is.
Can you do me a favor Blasphemy? Take a trip down the coast to that little place near 4 Mile and be the first to check into FleaHab. I am sure Mr. O’neil would appreciate having a celebrity like yourself in the house. There is only one problem buddy. NO INTERNET ACCESS FOR THE ENTIRE MONTH LONG STAY!!!!!!!! Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!
You will get out just in time to watch Taj and Adriano in the final in Brazil!!!!
Okay Mark,
Here’s a quote for you and the rest of the alter egos in your peanut gallery who are descending like flies onto PostSurf’s sticky boner of victory:
“”It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly…Who knows the great enthusiams, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who have never known neither victory nor defeat.”
That quote, Sir, is from Teddy Roosevelt - our 43rd president, and son of Franklin Roosevelt, who started World War One and cured polio. They’re both in heaven now, laughing at your dumb asses.
I hope you and your rock throwing pals feel a little stupid now.
Simply delicious how the inmates are turning on eachother…
I am freakin CRYING right now I am laughing so hard! Alright Rot I am sorry! You win bro you are the king of Post surf! I quit!!!!
Peace out my niggaz.
BTW Rot.
If you do go into rehab for a month at least you won’t have to worry about money with all that dough your wife is making.
Once again I have to admit it.
I like Ballz.
@Mark,
Rehab?
No, No, No…
For example, Mark,
Assphlegmy would not only not be insulted, he may even appreciate the effort if I were to, say, equate the quality of his ramblings to the masticated bolus extracted from the esophagus of the oft overlooked decapitated reindeer found in Jeffrey Dahmer’s refrigerator.
One could also compare the conflict of interest depicted above as follows:
…And then the CEOs of the seven major surf manufactures, each with seven heads and ten cocks, appearing like plush-toy kittens, but grunting like libidinous bison, each consummated their circle jerk and drained their collective seventy vas deferens upon a gluten free muffin molded in the shape of Mark’s face.
The ensuing orgy of Gomorrah-like gluttony can only be compared to the server crashing bombardment upon Surline after their latest “Groms-attack, Echo Beach” installment.
Truth told! Surf brands and conflict of interest - it’s like sleeping with your sister, kinda like volcom. Thanks for keeping it real Lewis.
anyone got a link to some footage of that right that kelly and manoa were surfing? i missed it on sports tonight last night…
@Erik,
Why yes, I’ve tapped a gushing vein in the turgid cock that is surfing’s pent-up malice towards the shallow strutting peacocks of the WTC and the Surfing Media; and I for one am proud to be part of the fiery red yeast infection at the tip of that boner. I believe you’ll concur.
Huzzah to L.S. for extracting filthy lucre from the Sodom, the Golden Calf, that so many of these other blogging fecal spews use as their north star.
Whether it thrives or fails let L.S. enjoy his pound of taint flesh. When he gets his own jet airplane and becomes a mill-yone-nair: don’t be h8′n.
If you want to bitch about something you haven’t seen yet, go join your close cousins picketing the new Star Trek, for fuckety fuck’s sake.
Time to roger me ferret once again.
G’night.
Lewis,
I’d like a follow up entry on how dumb that f-ing guy GT or whatever his name is that interviews Occ on the off days. He says Tee-a-hoop-o. Holy shit, seriously??? Can that guy even go down the line? He’s a joke and he adds nothing, like the retard on the ski at the snapper contest. Slater is number one in the booth hands down, followed by Occ. Why can’t they get pro’s in there? Everyone else sucks, except Pete Mel, he’s ok, but once again, he works for quik.
ASP is broke, brands are holding the fort and why should they NOT get the best bang for the dollars. With out the labels tipping in the coin webcast would not even be there. It’s not perfect but it is what it is come on LS get down to the nitty gritty of what your best at … commentary on surfers performance, how about a power rankings each time the event goes on hold or EVEN better jack the webcast and overlay your own commentary. There has gotta be a hacker out there that can hook you up. Pirate webcast, that would be epic. A couple of blokes in Australia called Roy and HG do it for our big footy games and it’s fricken funny. Maybe you could pull in JOB and double team the establishment.
thanks for the article. I agree with you Lewis, the ASP should get into this stuff.
By the way, I think you should post more stuff like this instead of Rasta’s wife, or at least 50-50.
Thanks for this site,
Regards from the basque country
i agree - the commentators, webcast, and contest director should be supplied by the asp. just like the judges and ‘official’ event photographers are.
kelly said something about this on the espn website.
nike and reebok don’t market the NBA, so why should quik bong control the ASP?
about luke egan… what happens at jbay, mundaka, and pipe?? (all billabong comps). will he run the heats to suit parko/taj/andy?
maybe the asp should let people watch the low res webcast, but to watch it in high res with chat features and live scoring they should charge a fee.
You know boys, Mark is such an inspiration to us all that when he really does quit, Lewis will have to ghost write for him or this blog is doomed!
I’m kind of a leg guy, Ballz, so I’ll just sit under the table looking up Lindsay’s skirt into her pantyless taco.
Come on Gator, Marks “view” on anything political would not qualify as intellectual. Bammy is a “faith believer”, not a critical thinker. Not a slam, PostM, just the obvious.
And if you really wanted to catalogue Mark, Erik, it could be the master’s thesis that finally qualifies you to leave school.
great post ls. fun to read. very interesting
these postsurf regulars need to take a break. you’re crowding up the comments area. 75% of your bullshit doesn’t relate to the topic. get a forum or chatroom. i’m talking about mike, blas rott,mark etc. get a life, or a divorce, seriously
@Thinkerer
Would you be quiet? I’m trying to have a conversation with Kaiser here.
Good point, Thinkerererer.
But you could also always do what your name implies and skip over the ‘bullshit’ made by those named.
mike, what’s up with the call out? i don’t think i’ve even commented on this post yet. might as well now:
the ASP knows that it and all of it’s contests are going to be a joke to the larger sporting world until one very important thing happens: they find larger sponsors that have no ability to or interest in running the logistics of a surf event. meaning: until we see the Walmart Lowers Pro, or the McDonalds Mundaka Pro, or the Budweiser Pro at Bells Beach, or the Toyota Teahopuu Pro, or the Coca-Cola Kirra Classic, things will continue to run how they do. and quite unfortunately, in order for that to happen, surfing will have to reach a level of popularity beyond what any of us want it to be. surfing’s gonna have to be so popular that you’ll have to sign up for time slots at Lowers or Sebastian with the National Parks service before we ever see a change. the ASP simply does not have the money to do it on their own, and especially not since they lost the Foster’s tour sponsorship. and the world’s largest corporations have little interest in dishing out the bills for a surf contest that reaches fewer people then a commercial during a 7pm rerun of Seinfeld.
that’s my story and i’m stickin’ to it.
I bet one phrase that the 8 tittied swine flu freak hates hearing on a first date is, “I’m more of a legs guy.”
Billabong does sponsor more events that anyone. Almost 1/2 (4 out of 10) of all the contests this year are put on by Billabong. So it’s in the ASP rule book that a Billabong team rider must win. Right? Taj still has a chance… Conflict interest, yes… buying a world championship, maybe.
Lewis, you can parlay this fuckery into money by using the Jamie O’/postsurf connection. Get him on the WQS. Join him for a year, watch and partake in the mayhem and carnage that ensues and then write a book. Give him a take.
Dammit Gator. I had the same take and you beat me to it… Agreed, until you get non-endemic sponsors who could care less about the “bro-club” in the surf world, we will continue to see the infomercials, err - webcasts we see today. The ASP today is simply not a legitimate sporting event.
by the way - if you want a pic next to your name, go to this website and register:
super nerd techy shit.
This is a pretty weak post Lewis.
So, to recap:
1) Sponsors getting to select wildcards into their own events allows them to cook the heat draw…although, they often choose fuckin’ killers and this hasn’t been happening. Great point and thank you for wasting 5 minutes of my life…you fucking muppet.
2) The commentators are not objective…no fuckin’ shit. Fuck, Dino Andino is barely fucking literate. Everyone knows this is just something that comes along with the territory - yes, it would be great if there were a professional and dedicated and non-affiliated web commentary team. However, until the structure of the ASP Board changes (perhaps something you should investigate), that will be hard to come by.
3) The Contest Director is a person who makes the call, yes. However, it is a three-part decision by the Contest Director, the Head Judge and the Surfers’ Rep. So, in effect, you’re argument is moot once again.
Lewis, the problem with you is that you’re the constant outsider looking in. You’ve just enough information to give yourself an unmolested sense of self-import, but not enough to give everyone here a proper journalistic report.
Another sad, sad story…
Eric, the problem with you is that you think you are reading a “journalistic report.” Look it over genius. There are pictures of 8-tittied women, pig-headed men, A Knoost mounting a motor-bike rider, etc. It’s called opinion.
You are free to disagree with it. What I’m confused about is why it took you so many paragraphs to respond to an opinion which you find so utterly moot and such a waste of your time.
And Lewis is correct–even the appearance of or opportunity for impropriety affects the legitimacy of the tour.
To recap, you are a fuckwit.
@Eric Hogetz,
So, in effect, all three of your supposed ‘counters’ were actually bulletins summarizing Lewis’ argument. If your comment was meant as a joke, it flew over my head. If it was meant to be critical… you should actually counter what Lewis said.
Maybe something like:
Luke Egan isn’t actually the contest director. The contest director is really Judge Reinhold, who is in no way affiliated with Billabong.
Otherwise, don’t waste our time recapitulating Samuels’ posts.
I’d pile on @Eric Hogetz’s post but I think it was pretty much taken care of. ‘Opinion’ is what it is - I didn’t come here to read the freakin’ WSJ. And I like the pictures!
@ BlasRott, what did you want to conversate about? Shall we discuss Twitter, the failboat which is the ASP or maybe how the Lakers are going to kick the Rockets ass one last time this evening?
The floor is yours….as usual.
As one of the pissants who stopped following professional surfing 20 years ago, I appreciate Lewis’ post if for nothing else a recap of what is happening in the ASP, and his articles are one of the reasons I have found new interest in following the tour (just a bit). I’m curious, what is the current environment like compared to what we had in the 80’s when Ian Cairns and PT were narrating the OP Pro with that weird guy that worked for the television network: “He’s weaving his way through the wave like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs!” Or, “He’s got more moves than Bekins and Mayflower COMBINED!” I f*ing miss that shite.
ZQK is currentyl doing everything in attempts to fight off our creditors in an feeble attempt to stave off bankruptcy. The other surf companies are either fighting over scraps, or in the same boat as Quik.
The tour has had very large mega corporate sponsors in the past but somehow managed to alienate them all. So, it will be more than difficult to draw any such companies back in.
There are very big reasons why Bartholomew has stepped down.
Due to mismanagement and poor business decisions, an ASP BK filing could soon be announced.
Now, some many be muppets. But you Hogetz, who seem to prefer putting your your hand up ‘em, are one huge douche nozzle.
Get back on your knees, and to your cubicle, son.
Roy and HG.
how about ASP puts together the event, even if at the beginning they are a bit poorly executed, and the sponsors pay to advertise with posters and short commercials on the live feed, etc. this way each event has several sponsors and there can be more money generated and the companies can all be at every event. and if you want the biggest ad spot, you pay more money. you want your advertising behind the winning circle $$$$ you want your ad all over the booth $$$$. if they are willing to pay soo much money for one event, how about they spread that money over several events and you create people bidding more and more money for specific spots to advertise.
could something like this work? or is there not enough viewers? maybe get surf shops to start brodcasting the events on tv’s too. i know surf and sea does. do others?
wave pools sponsored by Abercrombie and Fitch is the future. Middle America will surf one day. Every kid from here to Timbuktu has a skateboard.
Yippee!
Conflicts of Interest are what make us human, Lew. Without them, we’d be like the Borg.
For example, the judges. Who are you going to get for that gig - Simon Cowell ? Ronald Reagan Jr. ? Of course you get retired pro’s working in the industry.
If retired pro surfers as commentators worked, why has it failed over all these decades?
They may have a lame ass ex-pro sidekick, but Vince Skully nor the late, Howard Cosell. and Chick Hearn ever played the game.
@ Bob Doob - problem is, we don’t have any Skully’s, Cosell’s or Chick Hearn’s to embrace. Maybe that one dude that always does the Pipe Master’s/Triple Crown Events in Hawaii - same guy that called the Rick Kane/Lance Berkhart final (don’t know his name obviously). He’s cool and middle America can associate with his voice.
I like the thought of the ASP going bankrupt. IMO, let it - assuming that someone with clout (insert Kelly Slater here) could rally an investment team and their subsequent mad money into the fray to take it over. Put together a controlling body instead of just a governing body and move the ASP to California where it belongs. No offense to our brethern in OZ currently housing the ASP offices, but there is just a lot more advertising/marketing dollars accessible from both the industry and outside the industry in California.
$10M to $15M in yearly operational costs doesn’t seem out of the ballpark to cover with internet/TV distribution rights, full advertising rights and the like. You might not break even in years 0-3 but you won’t lose hundreds of millions either.
Guys like Mick and Kelly would jump at the opportunity to character up for the sake of moving pro surfing to the next level. Mick has even stated as much. Hell w/ this rant - I am still looking for Mark Cuban’s number if anyone’s got it. He knows opportunity when he sees it. And he’s got an entire HD network at his fingertips.
Mark, if your reading this, call me. Seriously, I won’t stalk you.
Slater’s wrong. The conflict of interest regarding commentators goes beyond surfing. Who do you think hired the broadcasters for the San Francisco Giants? Krukow isn’t on KNBR’s payroll. He’s on the Giants payroll. Hence the blatant homer calls. Same with the NBA and NHL. Only mainstream sport that has faily objective broadcasters is the NFL, and that’s only on the television side. One of the many reasons why journalism as a whole is severely tainted (at least on the sports side of things).
@ 4:30 mark forward.
‘Nuff said.
Sorry i’m late, i was in Tahiti drinking a lot of my new favorite beer, Hinano.
I’m my favorite commentator, also one of the most out of shape commentators.
I like this guy Kaiser.
Kelly Slater, thank God for this guy. Without him on tour, or on any side of the lens, would be less than intersting. AI, sorry you wern’t born sooner, it could have easily been your job, but be stoked to be apart of it and just play along make your money and live.
The industry has ruined itself for years. No one would allow someone from the outside looking in have any part, they were concidered kooks and only surfers knew such a feeling. Surfers didn’t know how to run business and know pay for it. ESPN would be more than happy to step in and run the live feeds for the ASP but ASP has no say in it cause the companies run that end of it. ESPN would grow the sport and open it up to outside markets. Surfers fucked themselves so much, Hollyweird makes the whole lot of us kooks, aside from Laird Hamilton, who by the way is a bigger know surfer than Slater. Nikes been there buying up Hurl’s years back and with this market more to come. Viagra anyone? and why not, fuck it, if it gives us better commentating.. I’m all for it.
I can’t write well so fuck you if you don’t like it.
Disregard that last statement…..I suck cock
Regarding the so-called “bias” in judging and the contests…just one comment. Every world champ in the last 20 years was worthy. Except, of course, for CJ. And would you guys fucking cool it with the cock comments. I sometimes feel like I am reading gay porn on this fucking thing.
The system only exists with the big companies supporting it, so they have the power to do what they want, push who they want, get who they want to the top, it will always be that way but i think the internet
is making professional surfings biased ways seen and heard, this will make some people and some things change, its only a game, it is far
from being like another sport as far as fair goes
it will always be subjective there are too many variables
cheers
Almost impossible for Luke Egan to try and rip Parko on when he is contest director. The way things are looking in Tahiti the event is going to run when ever there are rideable waves not when Luke thinks its the best waves for Parko to win in. It’s not like Parko is the next heat to surf!!
I’m glad surfline sucks
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