Posted by lewis on May 14, 2009 at 12:05 pm.

There was a scary, sloshed moment sometime late last night when I became convinced that Jesse "The Body" Ventura is more of a surfer than I am.

How has it come to this?

Surfing used to be everything to me - a calling and act beyond reproach.  Instant meaning, instant happiness.  Each new day a revelation.

Now all I see is the hypocrisy, the posing, the selfishness and the emptiness.  I feel like one of those Mormon runaways who starts smoking pot and living on the street, looking back on their childhood with only cynicism. "It was all a sham."

Last night I stumbled upon this post from Sissyfish, detailing how Jesse Ventura won't run for senate because he's dedicating himself to mastering the art of surfing, in Mexico.


Seriously, you can't make this shit up.  For any foreign readers,  Jesse "The Body" Ventura is the epitome of an American.  Like Bob Dylan, he was born in Minnesota under another name.  He served in Vietnam, became a Navy SEAL, led a motorcycle gang, was a bodyguard for The Rolling Stones, and eventually found success as a professional wrestler, adopting the persona of a villainous beach body builder.  He picked the last name "Ventura" off a map, as it represented California.

Ventura became an actor, staring in the seminal 1987 film "Predator" with Arnold Schwarzenegger.  Not even the most paranoid, fantastical day-dreamer on shrooms could have imagined that both steroid-using musclemen would go on to be governors of actual states - Minnesota and California.

While in office, Ventura drew both criticism and praise from all sides, as his policies didn't fit neatly into the Republican or Democrat partyline.  As a member of the Reform party, Ventura combined conservative financial beliefs with some liberal social beliefs - Ventura advocated the legalization of prostitution and called organized religion "a sham and a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers."


This brings us to the final act in Jesse's narrative: his current role as ex-pat soul surfer in Mexico. As he recently told Reuters, "It was a difficult decision but it came down to almost this -- surfing versus the Senate and I found surfing to be much more honorable than the Senate."

Check out the clip below from May 11th on Larry King Live.  Around the 8:45 mark, Ventura discusses his new obsession:

"I'm enjoying myself, trying to be the best surfer I can be down in Baja.  Always remember this, Larry, surfing is a dedication. It's a life dedication to do it. If someone were as dedicated to religion, would they call him a religious bum?"

Which takes me back to my moment of doubt, when I wondered if Jesse "The Body" Ventura is more of a surfer than I am. My first reaction to the clip was that Ventura's very public touting of surfing is just another indication that surfing is over.  Not because surfing is mainstream - but because surfing has become just what Ventura accused organized religion of being - another "sham" or "crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers."

Surfing is now what a baby-boomer like Ventura, who has traced a Forrest Gump-esque path through history, does when they need to find meaning in their twilight days.  Surfing allows you to feel at one with nature, it allows you to grasp in an instant a sense of belonging, in a universe that makes no sense.  When a convert like Ventura first discovers surfing, they are saved - suddenly they belong to a tribe of like-minded followers, they have an identity, they're aligned with a "cool" trend, they're grasping at youth and hedonism while tapping into a quasi-spiritualism at the same time.

It fucking disgusts me.  It makes me want to quit surfing for good and try to find something in life that ACTUALLY fucking means something, instead of watching 20 more years slip away as I bicker with wetsuited walruses in two-foot slop.

That was my first reaction to Ventura's proclamation.

My second reaction was this: Ventura is more of a surfer than I am, because he's still in love with surfing.  He's caught in the frantic heart of those passionate first few years, when every session holds the promise of granting you the best wave of your life.  Each new day a revelation.

Jesse "The Body" Ventura can look towards the horizon and dream of all the things that surfing and life have in store for him - his first barrel, his first trip to Indo, his first session at some lauded break like Teahupoo or Mavericks... for me, it's all but over.  I've had those experiences, and I can't go back and do them again with unjaded eyes.

Faded memories of magic days I'll never surf again.

Faded memories of magic days I'll never surf again.

Home will never be as good again as it was when I was a kid.  Even if the waves get all-time, the crowds and bitterness and decay will ruin it for me.  My skills will most likely wane from here on out.  To get the best wave of my life, I'm counting on a lottery-ticket of variables to coalesce at some unnamed reef-pass 24 hours of travel, 3 diseases, and one perfect swell west of here.  Who knows if that will ever happen.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Mexico, Jesse "The Body" Ventura just scored the wave of his life.

Jesse's next wave.  Photo: Reposar

Jesse's next wave. Photo: Reposar


  • jerm says:

    lewis, i truly feel bad for you. i hope that you’ll find a way to enjoy surfing again, you poor, world traveling bastard.

    great blog, especially the last two postings. much love from florida!

  • highlighted hair says:

    Best post ever.

  • drexnefex says:

    i just cried.

  • NorthernHack says:

    Damn one more 50 year old kook in the lineup.
    Getting so sick of these motherfuckers learning how to surf in their 40’s and 50’s. They have no idea about etiquette and think they are entitled to cause shit in the lineup because they are older than most. Tried to explain that it’s a safety issue to a few and they just don’t get it.

  • Billa Wrong says:

    Note the pause in Larry King after Jesse professes his dedication…priceless. I just peed myself.

  • Uzeral Kunz says:

    Aw, lighten up Lewis. It’s just possible that a) he really likes the feeling of gliding down a wave and thinks Senate committee meetings are broing; b) your age and jadedness also bring wisdom that could easily enable to you to ride the wave of your life - you may be older but you may also be a better surfer; c) have a kid and watch him or her discover surfing - that’ll rekindle the stoke ten times over. be choosy who you do it with, though, cos some mums are stoke-o-phobic. d) take a trip to Belarus or Khazakstan or somewhere far out and fucked like that. It’ll make you appreciate how lucky are. d) commune with dolphins. They may have an answer for you, especially if you have soft pan-pipe music on in the background. e) get into meth.

  • Time Machine says:

    Quite surfing then. Your rants are tired. All you guys should quit surfing by the way.

  • JB says:

    f)give your life to Jesus Christ…your life will have meaning and what is experienced in eternity will make your all time best session seem like your worst hangover.

  • Shaun says:

    I say good for Jesse Ventura. Surfing is what you make of it. I always get a kick out of seeing people in the water with scowls on their faces. Way too much time is spent trying to figure out who is core, who is local, who is a poser, whether or not suring is ‘over’ or any other classifications people use for the purpose of division.

    Just love surfing and enjoy it for yourself. If you’re jaded, take a few weeks off and come back to it refreshed. If you’re still jaded or can’t find happiness in it, go try something else.

  • TS says:

    wow….u just nailed it. my thoughts exactly.

  • Bob Dobb says:

    James George Janos is a fraud. Grew up, and grew rich pulling the wool. Staged and Fake wrestling.

    And, with the amount of Reynolds Wrap it takes to fashion his tin foil hats,… he’s less green than all of us combined!

  • That Annoying Guy says:

    Mr. Samuels,

    When pondering such deep things, it is of utmost importance to note, that the meaning of life usually resides in the lubed-up mudhorn pucker of a passionate mule. Maybe it’s just the way their hirsute hind legs fit so effortlessly and snuggly into the pockets of your own Ugg® boots. Maybe it’s their intense braying, that occasionally sounds like a dying hyena trying to pass one last kidney stone.

    In either case, enlightenment surely lies therein. And for the sanctity of all we hold dear, we must not mock it until we’ve tried it.

    Do not ask me why. I just know these things.

  • Blasphemy Rottmouth says:

    I’ve been caught red-handed…

    … for I am ‘That Annoying Guy’ who posted the 100th comment in the Echo Beach post.

  • Ballz says:

    I don’t know about all of that stuff, but man, that is a sick skullet.

  • Ballz says:

    Uzeral Kunz is right. Get away from it for a month or two. No need to go to Tajikistan or Uzbekistan, Oklahoma will do.

    Does anybody know where Jessie is posted up in Baja? Todos Santos?

  • dr says:

    so right. snowboards are the spawn of the surfboards, two generations removed. my past-time needs a voice analogous to yours mr. samuels.
    Some are not blessed with the keen sense of sarcasm and cynicism that you are. I feel sorry for them.

  • PacNW says:

    Enjoyed the last couple of posts, Lewis. I think you just described the classic dilemma of one-trick ponies and aging dogs. I’m sure there is a standard medical term for this affliction: Curmudgeonly, maybe? Seems to be both a blessing and a curse when mixed with a talent for expression, like looking at the night’s sky while chewing on lead-paint and drinking absinthe.

  • MrBiscuits says:

    Wow, some deep thoughts going down here today, I think most surfers over 20 can relate to Lewis’s feelings, but I’ve never been to Indo, so I got that going for me…. I couldnt view the interview, but I picture Jesse “The Body” on an SUP with zinc oxide war paint? any truth?

  • Occy's Mum says:

    He is actually a pretty intelligent guy. And anyone who calls Cheney a “chickenhawk” on LKL is alright in my book. And I love that he calls Laird the best surfer in the world. That’s some crazy good shit right there. Some better stuff recently Lewis, nice work. And I hear you on the disillusionment of surfing as we get older. I almost have a sense of envy towards those that are just beginning as I personally don’t get much stoke unless it’s 6-10′ offshore and reeling.

  • Old Kook says:

    Very nice introspeciton Lewis. The best part of the tail end of the interview though was the clip from Wanda Sykes and her comment on Rush Limbaugh…..freaking classic.

  • Ballz says:

    Lewis, you are on the precipice of turning into Captain Zero. Too much introspection is bad for the soul. Seriously, find something meaningful and plug yourself in. Big brothers, soup kitchen, whatever.

  • Ballz says:

    This is going to sound really strange but, Dirty Turd, are you out there?

  • 3to5setsof7 says:

    The litmus test to see if you should still be surfing is go surf on a shitty day. If you catch a wave and say to your friend or self, “yeah that was a fun one” then you should still be surfing. But if your just bitter because your too fat or to slow or pissed because the waves are shit and still can’t have fun floating off the continent. then fucking quit it. Because I certainly don’t need anymore pissed off bitter dudes in the lineup with me.

  • Old Kook says:

    @3to5setsof7 Well said.

  • ReB says:

    If you decide to have an implant in your chin so you can have a dimple like Jesse, go for the plastic implant. The steel implant upsets the metal detectors.

    Maybe Jesse will hook up with that other expat that writes for Surfline (Allan Weisbacker ?).

  • Bob Dobb says:

    BTW, shares of Billabong halted for two full days, ahead of earnings release.

  • Chin Fucker says:

    I too prefer plastic to metal chin implants.

  • Joe Biden says:

    I would really like to make a comment on here but my boss said that if I didn’t keep my stupid mouth shut he would take my hot wife away from me.

  • Free Radical says:

    Lewis and co, the mistake was when you tried in one way or another to make money out of surfing, right there is when you stopped surfing for the love of it and also when it all started going wrong. The fat cunts from the industry might have their 200+ barrel trips in luxury condos but they don’t have the love of it left in t`1hem1`

  • Free Radical says:

    sorry about t`1hem1`, knob fell on keyboard

  • MuckFark says:

    How could you not love this guy? Check out some quotes:

    “I’ll put it to you this way: You give me a waterboard, Dick Cheney and one hour, and I’ll have him confess to the Sharon Tate murders.”

    Mark this one’s for you buddy….sorry.
    “I also believe that government has no business telling us how we should live our lives. I think our lifestyle choices should be left up to us. What we do in our private lives is none of the government’s business. That position rules out the Republican Party for me.”

    This one’s for B Rot:
    “You’re all a bunch of slack jawed faggots! This stuff will make you a sexual Tyrannosaurus. Just like me!”

    This one’s for JB:
    “Organized religion is a sham and a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers.”

    Finally, for everyone:
    “Congratulations, you have a sense of humor. And to those who didn’t: Go stick your head in the mud.”

  • MuckFark says:

    Jesse Ventura that is

  • seasnake says:

    Lost your stoke, then why the hell are you still surfing? Perhaps consider the lesson to be learned from Dale Webster. Two to the beach every day forever.

  • goatman says:

    Lewis - if you weren’t looking to suck pro cock and kissing ass for coverage of every gay contest that came along, you might remember what surfing is about….but you’re way too involved with whoring yourself out…it’s ingrained in you…you stopped being a “surfer” when you got your first paycheck to write about it.

  • Mark says:

    I love surfing.

  • Beng says:

    I agree with one posted that these last two have been among your best posts. I have though about this topic a lot myself. Even at a young age I have been surfing over half my life. I still have a few milestones to go, but they are fading. I have taught friends and I see that spark in them, but it’s harder to get myself.

    Think about this: Gerry Lopez in his book “Surf is Where You Find It” and Occy in “The Occumentary” both mention something along lines of “as a surfer you are depriving yourself by not surfing good waves, and it is difficult to sustain that feeling without surfing good waves.” These are two of the most surf-stoked aging surfers, and they are saying this! Look at the title of Gerry’s book, how ironic!

    The rest of us are trying to find that needle in the haystack perfect session. The beginners are definitely the most stoked.

  • lazer says:

    No matter how technologically advanced the KY jelly becomes, no matter how many full-color pictures of Jon Jon Florence Surfer magazine runs, eventually you get tired of jerking off to the same old thing. The answer is to stop for a while, let the chafing subside, then go at it again full force, more stoked than before.

    Oops, er, I meant umm…….Alana Blanchard Malia Jones Meagan Fox! Yeah, that’s what I meant to say.

  • Alaska Bob says:

    I saw Jesse the Body absolutely ripping Salsipuedes last winter. Riding the foam and claiming keggers by grabbing the family jewels. Heavy. I hope the TJ Cartels don’t kill him for his legalize-it campaign. I think Jesse found a heavy slab in Cuba that he isn’t sharing with us. Surfing rules. Who rips harder, GT or the Body? I don’t really care either. I bet The Body rips harder though. I hope he gets a wild card into the Pipe contest and takes down Parko and then gets carried from the water by Laird.

  • gator says:

    losing your surfing stoke doesn’t make you less of a surfer, it just makes you a bad person. go to singapore and spraypaint a dick on some religious idol, spend 10 years in their prison system, then after that you’d be stoked to surf 1ft freezing windchop on lake michigan with every asswipe, kook, and barney south of point conception.

  • Jon says:

    Walk away from it for awhile. I stepped back for 4 years and it was the best thing I ever did. I came back to it with a greater appreciation (even in onshore Bodega wind swell), a new life a new place, stop looking so hard. The harder you try to force it the worse it gets.

  • JimG says:

    I once watched Jesse answer questions from college students COLD for at least an hour. W would have crapped himself several times in similar circumstances. W’s handlers would have had heart attacks.

  • JimG says:

    Good for Jesse. As to Lewis: Last year amidst 9-months straight of at least head-high surf, I found I didn’t even want to surf anymore: I was sick of surfing everyday. This year’s terrible winter & spring has me amping for every shoulder-high day. I must say that after treveling the world & surfing for 24 years (nearly daily due to fortunate employment), now my only desire is to ride to my local beach & surf it. If it’s good, awesome. If it’s bad, I get a day off. Luckily it’s more good than bad. There is something very gratifying about no longer chasing swells up & down So. Cal. or traveling internationally to surf. You just take it as it comes & don’t worry about how Hawaii, Baja, Indo, Trestles, etc. is.

  • Surfing is life.

  • JimG says:

    Grammar error: Trestles, etc. are (I wrote is.) Just a hint on employment that makes for a sustainable surf career. And more on the topic: quitting should be an option. Why surf if it’s not fun? I’ve quit other sports (golf, snowboarding, skateboarding(due to pain)) but still love surfing. However, I will quit when I no longer perform at a high level. No logs, fun shapes, etc. for me. It’s all personal. Fun surfing for me is surfing at my best. It will not be fun when I can’t.

  • book jacket description of Lewis’ upcoming Great American Surf Novel:

    Join a jaded, 30 year-old surf scribe’s wannabe-Kapuscinski adventures in Bali where he comes to realize a few things: the world is over-populated; there’s nihilist Islamo-fascism abroad, Christian/atheist fascists back at home, and surfing fascists the world over.

    He’s just a tramp in a wasteland, waiting for the next wave to come…and the next, and the next…and he can’t help but think it’s all been done before: It’s all so meaningless! Nothing to be done! Where is Godot?! The sun shines having no alternative on the nothing new!

    And finally, he realizes that women are the same everywhere: they just want your babies.

    Did I get that right Lewis?

  • Mark says:

    Regarding Jim G.’s comment at 5:02 p.m.,

    You used the word quit 3 times in your last comment.

    See you in court peckerwood.

  • Billa Wrong says:

    How is it that AI is getting fatter when he does so much blow?

  • Mudo says:

    Way to go Lewis, great post! J.Ventura is awesome, wish more public servants were as frank and unabashed as he is. Oh and by the way, QUIT SURFING if you’re bitter about it. As some others have commented here, we don’t need anymore 20-30 something, bitter, whiny, has-beens in the lineup. Keep up the posts even if you move to Missouri and teach creative witting at the local community college.

  • Mudo says:

    Sorry, i meant “writing”. good thing i don’t teach creative witting.

  • kalibeen says:

    I guess the food is good in “rehab”!

  • Shreddy Roosevelt says:

    Lewis, do you think Jesse Ventura is the Navy SEAL who threatened to tear the nose off anybody who tried to tangle with him in the water in the SF Chron article blog? If he paddled out on an SUP I probably wouldn’t say anything to him. Dude, you need to lock yourself in your room and play guitar for a month. You’ll get better at guitar, and when you see light again, you’ll be ready to shred the gnar.

  • Bob Dobb says:

    @MuckFark, the guy with selective memory. or at the least, some freaky bent political agenda.

    I don’t believe we need the government’s help as much as some think we do. That belief sets me apart from the Democrats, since their way of dealing with everything is to tax and spend.

    Jesse Ventura

  • Dirty Turd says:

    Ballz, it’s me!!! Where have you been? We need to be reunited somewhere by the grundle, or the taint for that matter. Sorry, I’ve been really wiped out lately.

  • Bob Dobb says:

    If I could be reincarnated as a fabric, I would come back as a 38 double-D bra.

    Jesse Ventura

  • Bob Dobb says:

    Remember that government doesn’t earn one single dollar it spends. In order for you to get money from the government, that money must first be taken from somebody else.

    Jesse Ventura

  • Bob Dobb says:

    “Students often approached me about state-paid tuition while I was out campaigning. After I explained to them that if the state pays their tuition now, they will pay higher taxes to pay other people’s tuition for the rest of their lives, most of them ended up agreeing with me”.

    “The Constitution guarantees us our rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. That’s all. It doesn’t guarantee our rights to charity”.

    “There are a lot of good causes out there, but they can’t possibly all be served by government”.

    Jesse Ventura

    Heh. Somehow I doubt James George Janos, aka Jesse Ventura, voted for President Barry-Zero.

  • Bob Dobb says:

    “I’m going to come out now and make statements, ‘Do we dare have a Democratic governor and a Democratic Legislature?’ If that’s the case, hand over your wallet. ‘Cause the government’s going to have you living on an allowance,”

    Jesse Ventura quote

  • Shreddy Roosevelt says:

    I also wanted to say, I used to feel that way about commenting on blogs. There was a time when it was so pure and innocent. I really felt like I belonged to something big on the interwebs. Craigslist was a secret spot that always went off, as it were. We were a small elite back in those days. Now every Ballz, Bob Dobb, Lazer, and BR is onto it. But I realized, ‘you know what? F that! I am going to stick to my guns here!’ If I want to sit behind my computer screen piping off about mindless bullcrap, I will dammit! I have a renewed sense of purpose in commenting. Thank you everybody. I’ve found home.

  • Bob Dobb says:


    the internet allows a new form of cult: the correspondence cult.

    you do not need to shave your head and go off to the mountains. you can be in the cult and keep your day job.

    welcome, my friend. welcome home, homie.

  • @ Jim G, I will not quit when I’m not surfing my best and will ride logs, funshapes, hybrids of all kinds and bodysurf or anything to stay wet. The fountain of youth doesn’t mind if you loose a step.

  • MuckFark says:

    @Bob Knobb

    As the cliché says, “I don’t want Democrats in the boardroom and I don’t want Republicans in the bedroom.”

    I think Jesse said it best, “I’m a working man with commonsense ideas and goals. I describe myself politically as fiscally conservative and socially moderate-to-liberal.”

    Lakers in 7…

  • Bob Dobb says:


    James George Janos, sorry, Jesse Ventura, former Navy Underwater Demolition Team 12 member, although never in combat to qualify for any combat medals… was also a biker, former Mongol member.

    now, what i can find out of these biker dudes via wikipedia,… “The Mongols members have had long-running confrontations with law enforcement in such areas as drug dealing - especially methamphetamine - , money laundering, robbery, extortion, fire arms violations, murder and assault, among other crimes”.

    as to those despicable repubs, and that former President of theirs…

    who here has past muster, qualified to pilot a Convair F 102 Delta Dagger? a supersonic fighter-interceptor.

    the thing cruises at 845 mph.

  • Bob Dobb says:

    the instrument panel on the thing alone,

    well, lets just say,, it a bit more difficult than Jesse’s 4WD tooling around Todos, Baja Sur.

  • Mike says:

    Have anything to say, BDobb?

    Maybe Jesse’s best waves are ahead of him because he has no waves under his belt. Once he figures it out, he’ll feel like he missed it. Surfing is of moment. You catch the best wave and you want another. Like Republicans with money, there is never enough.

    The malaise Lewis describes is an addiction to the next level and anything short lanquishes in apathy.

  • Bob Dobb says:

    Nothing wrong with money. like anything else, like surf itself, the more the merrier.

    even Doc Paskowitz, after tormenting his kids in their formative years, still grabs waves, al bet not on the same level as the past, but just a meaningful as his first.

  • Ballz says:

    Dirty T, you left a little bit of yourself in the grundle/taint region and I can’t seem to shake you loose. By the way, you’re not lifeguarding in San Diego are you? I could have the wrong dirty turd.

    Shreddy, welcome home. Now bend over and allow Blasphemy Rottmouth to perform the cerimonial cleansing.

    And Billa Wrong, keen observation. AI is getting fat. Does that make it easier or harder to pig dog?

  • Stu says:

    I feel for Lewis. I AM Lewis. Jesse’s pretty good to listen to until he starts in with the 9/11 conspiracy stuff.

  • Ballz says:

    Anybody notice the similarity between GT and Jesse in the middle shot of the first set of pictures? Those have to be Von Snippers. Holy shit! Could Jesse be in on this whole Billabong, VZ, GT the DB, Parsons and Sean Collins conspiracy to destroy surfing and eat our souls?

  • Bob Dobb says:


    yup. Jimmy George Janos wears a tin foil hat.

  • trauzersnake says:


    I agree with that 100% It’s still a kick in the ass to paddle out and at the least laugh with your friends, fountain of youth still for sure.


    I agree with alot of commentators that you fucked up by getting paid to cover the tour. I’m sure that usability consulting pays way better and you probably even get to post this fuckery while working…It’s not that bad dude, lighten up man.

  • Frank says:

    If anybody is interested he’s living out of San Hose Del Cabo towards Shipwreck point. Some nice houses around there, lucky old bugger. Quite like your posts Lewis but the Sad Sack shit gets a bit boring mate.

  • trauzersnake says:

    …oh, and I still have a huge, veiny cock too.

  • Stu says:

    In the event I can make Lewis feel worse, anyone check that barrel Layne got at Ours? She just had the best wave of her life…

  • Stu says:

    and she might have a big, veiny cock too.

  • Ballz says:

    Can someone please explain to me how the Lakers are now facing a game 7 against a team that doesn’t have its best 2 players?

  • trauzersnake says:


    I think they’re a bit like BI

    @ Stu

    I think you could see her tip sticking out in frame four, she strikes fear in my heart.


    Uh, yo, hey Lewis Manaanja. Um,.
    I donʻt know how to put this but… you can never be me. While I apprecianmante your “arteesttits writing process I do not admire your schtick.
    You seem to be on a tirade here , a LEWIS SAMUALS MEETS BVB INC. calvalcade of over inflated surf mongering troll like surfer processing the data poop T MO CAMPBELL DANNYHESSWAD of whatever it is you claim surfing to be. 808 808 808080800000008888888880000088888888. 808.
    And maybe never be now not be allowed to step foot/ visit Oahu again because SOMEONE might walk up behind you and…
    But thats all cool and good my California HalfJewBoy brother. I respect everything you say and do being a Latino brother to the North shore Cali guys and we accept the fact that you write from within inside a minimal surfbuubble and it is tine for your echo beach bullshit to stop writing and publishing pure self absorbed vitrol on the backs of ALL THE DUDES THAT HAVE COME BEFORE YOU.


    FAGS. super fags…


    Was that long enough for the trolls who visit the weiner surf net lame broadcasting 24-7.

  • trauzersnake says:


    you’re the best, bud. maybe we can blackberry messenger sometime, really, luv u buddy………

  • Bob Dobb says:


    it’s that weird looking guy riding the bench for LA, Jordan Farmar.

    his ears are beaming in UFO vibes, and putting a freakazoid hex on the rest of the team.

    similar to a tin foil hat.

  • BVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVB's mother says:

    Crack is whack son, why do you do this to me? Why?

  • BVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVB's mother says:

    Come home son. Come home. I will hold you to my shriveled bosom and you can cry yourself to sleep.
    Just the the old days. Your father can’t touch you now.

  • Thurston A Fuggery says:


    I’m sure you make some good points. Just hang on, I’m sure someone here speaks street-slang crackinese and we’ll get it translated into English. Even American English will do old chap.


  • trauzersnake says:

    Whoa, apparently there’s a sport less popular than pro surfing….two NHL game 7’s tonite and no TV coverage.


    He might be a little late, he’s busy giving $ blow jobs on the corner of 405 & Beach blvd.

  • BVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVB's mother says:

    @ trauzersnake

    Bless you lad, you seem like a nice boy. With, of course, a huge, veiny cock, which my son lacks. We used to call him jelly bean when he was growing up! Those were the days!

  • allen weisbeckers rinkld nutsak says:


    You could always move to mexico and practice the art of hammock-hanging and auto erotic asphyxiation.

  • trauzersnake says:

    yes mom, he slobed my knob with a vengeance. Who says we’re in a recession?

  • Blasphemy Rottmouth says:

    @BVBVBV ad nauseam,

    Congratulations on capturing a few helpless catfish in your trolling net.

    Now, beat it asshat.

  • Mexican Pipeline says:

    Fuck, I hope Jesse doesn’t bring it my way. Unless he continues Wanda Sykes’ rant smacking Rush Limbaugh. The guy has his head on straight….Still, I don’t want to contemplate what surfing has/will continue to become for me with advanced age…

  • Thurston A Fuggery says:

    @Blasphemy Rottmouth,

    Thank you for your brevity, we were expecting a 4,000 word essay on “The last surf of Lewis Samuels”, sprinkled with obscure literary references, quotes from dead presidents, a penis or three, gaping anal passages, various sores and undiagnosed tropical rashes and a reference to sex with Mark’s mother.

    Followed up by some smaller comments comparing the size and girth of your member to various household objects and industrial machinery.

    Carry on.

  • Blasphemy Rottmouth says:


    Why yes. Yes, I’m only a fifteen minute jaunt away from a 4000 word philosophical thesis at any moment. However, obvious trollers like BVBVBV only earn the graces of the pinky-cuticle on my back-hand of wrath.


  • jiggy jig says:

    shit. It took me 34 years of daily addiction to get jaded on surfing. Now I just feed the monkey.

    It only took ten visits to get jaded on this website.

    but look at the bright side, I hated surfline the minute I laid eyes one it. It’s a ball suckers paradise.

    Good bit of honesty Lewis. And that never goes out of style.

  • pushingtide says:

    yeah he lives on east cape baja and probally just surfs those mushy points. i know a million of him around LA

  • Thurston A Fuggery says:

    @jiggy jig,

    Sorry to hear that you won’t be visiting PostSurf any more. Please see Blasphemy Rottmouth for your exit interview before you leave PostSurf HQ. Thanks and best wishes.

  • Shreddy Roosevelt says:

    I think I just saw Lewis at a surfing fundraiser at 111 Minna. Lewis was that you? That shit was whack!

  • MuckFark says:

    @Bob Knobb

    Anyone who would seek to justify the actions of the last administration is either woefully ignorant or just a plain old close minded conservative Republican asshole. Bobber, you don’t seem ignorant, so where does that leave you???

    BTW, any of us and I do mean ANY, could have become fighter pilots if we had a rich well connected father. GW and McCain are perfect examples of this fact. At least McCain had the balls to use his training. The administration you defend was championed by draft dodgers and war criminals who now think it is their duty to question the patriotism of any who dissent from their views. That my friend, is true fuckery.

  • Dub says:

    He should start a surf blog.

    Surfin’s dead.

  • Black's Slacks says:

    Going for the C-Note, to out annoy Annoying Guy…

    PS, The secret to surfing happiness is one (1) good turn in a session…that’s all you really need.

  • Black's Slacks says:

    Claiming #100 for BS! Ooooh yeah!!! uh uh uh uh uh

  • Blasphemy Rottmouth says:

    Damn you Black’s Slacks! Heh heh.

  • Black's Slacks says:


  • tony kucoach says:

    surfing is gay and gay is the new black. i’d totally fuck jesse, especially digging the bald mulet. you know he’d be hot in those new taj giraffe prints . . . mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

    let’s go surf trestles!!!!

  • Thom says:

    Hey guys, Cool website. I just stumbled across this website while I was googling the SF Craigslist Missed Connections. If any of you have were on the N Line last weekend with a boogie board, metal detector, blue tommy bahama shirt, green speedos and some Chilean boxed wine please let me know. It is meant to be!

  • Bob Dobb says:


    candidate Hope and Change®, who has now morphed into President Goodwrench, promising 5 year 50,000 mile Power train Warrantees….


  • Mike Balzitch says:

    quit whining and worrying about what others are doing –lame –go surf

  • srfnff says:

    Dude, here’s the deal. Get the hell away for a while. You need a break to readjust your perspective. The way you see it, is only one way of seeing it. Is it the “Truth”? Surfing is a fun way to recreate, and enjoy physical fitness in a unique environment. That’s it! Spiritualizing surfing is kinda like spiritualizing fucking. It’s just fucking, nothing more. There is more…it just ain’t surfing.

  • Mark says:

    Hey MuckFark,

    Dude lay off the political rambling. We don’t come to this blog to here that shit.

  • h says:

    laird is the best surfer in the world???

  • E says:

    Start shaping your own boards and you’ll be dying to get back in the water to try them out. If it’s small, make yourself a grovel board. When you’re not surfing, you can shape.

  • Bodhi says:

    Interesting post. I don’t know if anyone gives a shit, but i’d like to comment on it afterward because i have work to do now. See ya.

  • Bodhi says:

    Hey, this is your best post. Coincidence or not, this post is just after i wrote something about a documentary of body builders that use steroids, the confessed case of Mr Arnold and maybe the case of Mr Ventura. Unfortunately, i couldn’t watch the whole doc where that creepy biceps dude claims steroids is heaven, but i’ll watch it, it’s worthy.

    Now, please Lewis, patronize your readers on what is “…the epitome of an American…”, that would be some interesting reading. Based on what you wrote and on my years being almost brainwashed with american culture _ yes, i saw Predator, as well as many others awesome flicks, the movie industry is the second largest american exporter _ , i may say that being a hard core american is to have an artistic name, (like Ventura did, he adopted a different name from his birth name, right?), to serve the armed forces, and to give back to the country when you achieve some level of success. Is that correct? On the other hand, what is commonly perceived as a true american, is the concept of the “self-made-man”, which is higly fake on some cases but true on others. It’s a thin line that most people, even americans, find hard to determine. I mean, would George W. Bush be considered a “self-made-man”? Would he be considered “the epitome of an american”? Does people know about a journalist named Jeremy Scahill? I may be wrong on this, but i don’t think so.
    So why would you vote for him? I can’t answer that.
    I’m not making any judgement here, stating what is good or bad, i’m just trying to aknowledge the facts.

    Ventura is a dude that i would definitely vote for, i can’t stand religious supporters, the fucking state is lay. And i really enjoyed his interview by the way, the man has some points. I mean, i’m a fan now. I just don’t understand how american people neglect the army lobby actions and repercussions, how they push things into war deliberately. Oh, they’re the number one american exporters, selling guns and killing machines to other countries.

    The other day i saw Michael Moore’s documentary about the american health care system. I took a while to watch it cause i thought that would be boring. I couldn’t be more wrong, not boring at all! In fact, that old english politician dude said some truths that are fucking … I don’t know, i just can’t put it in words, it’s overwhelmingly thought provoking. He didn’t said anything that i didn’t know, but to film it and hear it out loud, it’s a different story. 1% = 80%. How nice, isn’t it?

    PS: Sorry for my “post” about everything but surf on a surf blog.

  • Bodhi says:

    “These things happened. They were glorious and they changed the world, and then we fucked up the end game.”

  • Cyrus says:

    After watching this video, I don’t mind if Ventura surfs. Kinda dig him actually, man does his research and served his country proud:

  • Bodhi says:

    Thanks for the interview Cyrus but this Hannity is a total jerk! He doesn’t allow his interviewers to finish their sentences and i hate that.
    Besides he’s a fucking consertive. Well, he works at fox, so he must be then.

  • Bodhi says:

    Jesse should have punched him, in the mouth
    The other guy was clearly affraid

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