65,000 kooks invaded this localized spot yesterday. They ran 7 mother-fucking miles in the hot sun, finally spilling onto the beach.
I'm referring, of course, to a San Francisco institution known as ""
If you sit on the grass and watch the race go by, parade-style, it's like Vice brought to life.
First, the competitive runners stream by. Then it's fitness freaks, then corporate stooges in wacky Halloween outfits who fancy themselves "fun," then random skanky girls who see the race as another opportunity to dress "apporpriately slutty" and then, finally, committed drunks.
The last few hours of the race feature plastered revelers, staggering zombie like in various states of undress. Nudity and kegs were discouraged this year, but everyone seemed drunk and naked nonetheless. Meanwhile, general SF weirdos enjoy the free show.
My favorite was the fat guy with the mullet in a wheelchair, rolling backwards down the course. He was wearing a Hooters shirt, no pants, and a fanny pack covering his genitals. (I don't think this was a costume - he just brings that steez on a daily basis.) Dude was rolling along, ogling a group of topless girls, moving his hand around in his fanny pack on his lap, as if was searching for something.
It's amazing to me that FOX News has not covered Bay to Breakers yet. They could whip up a frenzy of indignation in Middle America.
I can just picture the video of a screaming, crying toddler holding Mommy's hand, as only inches away from the poor tyke's face, a massive black cock flaps in the wind, as it's stumbling, leather-masked owner spills Bacardi 151 on the child's head. Meanwhile, SFPD stands by, doing nothing.
Cut to FOX correspondent: "In San Francisco, tax-and-spend liberals are using YOUR tax dollars to fund civic events where public nudity and intoxicated homosexual sex acts take place only inches from the faces of innocent minors - while the police turn the other cheek."
Whatevs, Middle America. Don't be playa haters just cause we know how to fuckin' PARTY.
But in all fairness, I imagine some difficult conversations took place last night between traumatized inland kids who attended the race, and their equally traumatized parents, who had no idea what they were in for.
"Mommy, why were those tatooed mens' pee-pee's so much bigger than Daddy's? And why did that man who was kissing that other man have a nail through his willy and rings around his balls?"
After seeing so many shaved ball sacks in one day, some of those poor kids will think they're Teen Wolf when they enter puberty.
According to Guy #2, I’m John Holmes. Now I can sell my Corvette.
I drove through SF yesterday and had no idea this thing was happening. I saw all these people and was, like, WTF?
I wish my penis was bigger so I could run through the streets of San Francisco with pride.
Wow this day is bunk. The post shows penis…the only boob shots are small, kind of like Teahupoo and the worst “analysts” are on line now at the Teahypoo…..so it’s dicks, small boobs and big dicks online….and on a Monday. Sad
That is nothing for that town. The SF cops have been deballed by the courts long ago, so why bother. Just collect the check, boost a workman’s comp claim, and go out on early retirement. Keep California solvent and strong.
And whatever you do, don’t click… Zombietime - Folsom Street Fair.
Now that there’s anything wrong with penis if that’s what you’re looking for.
@Old Kook, If it’s San Frantrannie boobie you crave,
gag on this, mate.
What is up, err, down with that town? Is the gravity stronger in Berkeley/SF or something?
I’m so confused.
Talk about confused. Occy just took the mike on the Chopes commentary.
Does anyone care to keep track of the ummmm meter?
The ‘Chopes commentary reminds me of the time I watched a deaf /mute person explain the intricate chord progressions in the last Miley Cyrus album using sign language.
the hairy wifebeater with the peace sign was classic.
GT and Adriano….best…interview…ever….wow.
“Du…uhhh….whaa….I just got Adriano blood on me!”
Question of the day:
Will Slates be the next to get Aranburued??? Is there a special distinction for a tropical Aranburu?
GT and Dino: Big butts not bombs.
slaters about to get Aranburued, unless he comes back within 2 mins
pan tostado.
Kelly is part of the ZQK fix. In the bag of the creditors.
Losing to all up and coming Quiksilver sponsored riders.
Anything to facilitate the impossible turnaround.
Slater’s obviously trying to find that glorious last-place spot on Lewis’ power rankings… damn this new system though - with the automatic seed into Round 2, he may never get there.
E=mc dork
see you at the lakers game, kelly…thru the ether
It’s recently been pretty apparent.
Kelly, like Jesse Ventura, wears a tin foil hat!!!
Kelly is always surfing, and quite apparent, has moved on to the next wave. The Pana Wave.
@Stu
ZQK don’t have that 10 million to pay him if he wins 10, he’s just trying to help out his sponsor by losing.
I dig what he’s saying though about looking to find the board that fits his mindsurfing, just a shame he’ll probably be the only one to be able to ride it…
Hey PeterPerfect,
What is your expert opinion of Guy #2? Less than perfect I assume?
Teen wolf, hehehe…hilarious post, Lewis
Kelly’s back hurts because he gets dragged into wave too much by a donkey.
And when he’s paddle in surfing, his boards are too small.
@ Mark
who is #2 dude ?
@Mark
Doh, I just realized what you meant, the caption states that it is BR. LOL. My thoughts exactly.
Yes, certainly less than perfect. Seeing a newborn baby penis on a 50-something homosexical is quite frightening. But then again, so is BR’s mind.
I like jogging
I like watching Taylor Knox take down Parko while simultaneously aranburuing Aranburu himself for claim of the day. Yee Haaa!!
P.S. Kelly is going to win Brazil on 4′6” and disappear into the Ether!!
K9 is going to give birth after being Aranburu’ed.
@MuckFark
Taylor Knox 4 lame claim of the day. Should have been a point off for that claim and not doing a cutback and an extra point off for naming his son ‘Hunter’. Brilliant barrel riding though, he threaded that nicely.
Oh fuck, the ‘Homesick on tour’ clip is on, making me want to punch them all in the face. Oh you fucking whiners.
As for GT “oohhh, I’ve got blood on me!” and some other crap about santa claus, sheesh.
I hate fags and I hate all of you!
@Bobby bouchet
We’d all like to cock-whip you too
@Pete, yes, Knox should have been more creative with the first name. Possibly, Waxer, Waiter,… or at the least, Fort.
Maybe Dick?
I think GT has willed me to take my own life. Goodbye for eternity dear Postsurf readers.
@Erik,
In your fragile state, whatever you do, don’t watch this, I implore you:
@Bob Dobb:
Hard Knox
Aritz’s barrel shoulda been a ten. And Slater’s vertical backside lip slam was the best move of 2009 so far.
Kelly got Aranbured!!! I agree with Mark, that sick barrel deserved a ten. The judge who gave him a 9.5 was the same who gave a 9 to Kelly´s shitty tube.
Great there goes my fantasy team. I should have known something was up with Slater when he whimsically began shaping those little boards and riding them in contests. He is stalling for his 10th title. He is putting his race off until next year because he knows that ZQK only has like $19 bucks left and they won’t be able to pay off the reputed $10M for 10 titles deal if he actually won his 10th this year. Not when they are -$194M in just the 1st quarter of 09.
Now an easy acquisition target from some big money (like say VF Corp who lack a surf brand-let alone an internationally recognized one for cents on the dollar) he’ll wait til someone picks them up and their flush with cash. I should have seen this.
I bet Kelly was wishing he was in SF half-naked and drunk, instead of getting Aranburu-ed by Aritz in Tahiti!!!
Kelly’s backside crush should of been a 7.5 at least. Aritzzz’s 7.5 should of been no higher than a 6.4 but that barrel was pretty epic. Lots of class for Slater to talk with G.T. after his 3rd 17th in a row. The Goods are making everybody look fairly normal. They will pull of what they didn’t do in Fiji at the 06 Globe when Candsdell fucked it up.
True - Aritz’ 9.7 should have been a 10. Truly the stars were not aligned for Slater as Aritz had the 3 best waves of the heat. Yet still, it’s amazing Slater lost. AA’s first wave would have been a 10 if Slater had it…he did everything he could to avoid actually getting barreled. And on his last wave, again Slater could have pulled out 9 or 10 on, he “threw pizza’s” as not other has on the ASP tour. I wonder if the judges deducted points for that. Should have.
Oh yeah, folks! Hate to burst your bubble… The $10 million for 10 titles thing is a total rumor started by one of K9’s “minders”, Belly. He gets a bonus for every title he wins, and would get a bit more for a tenth, but nowhere near $10 million. Seriously!!!
Just watched Kelly’s interview. Slater is for sure the most articulate of the top guys( which isn’t saying much } but G.T. should seriously be up there with Lewis runnin around with his vienna sausage hangin out in San Francisco.
BTW how many times did Occy say “matey” and “sweet” when he chimed in during the interview? Stu’s take on Occ’s sexual preference a while back might have been a little more insightful then I initially gave him credit for. Plus Occy really seems to have fun with G.T. where as Luke is obviously more uncomfortable than the day Blasphemy Rottmouths mom took him to Sunday school when he was just a little boy.
P.S. Taylors claim was probably identical to Stu’s reaction the day he heard Nancy Pelosi was going to be the Speaker of the House.
Damn! That looks like the best day ever! Lewis, please tell me you got laid? With that much skin showing and that much booze flowing you have to have dipped into something? Hopefully after a long day of sweaty booze filled galavanting you found your prey, followed them around tossing subtle sexual hints, did some minimalist petting, some ass grabbing, some awkward yet passionate public french kissing, much to the chagrin of the viewing San Fransiscans. I pray that you capped your long day at sundown with some pure unadulterated sloppy drunk anger/loving afternoon sex rompings. And i hope he was handsome.
Oh yeah, Kelly got Aramburued by the man himself, unlikeme who got it from a third teir Aussie WQSer
This incredibly incisive commentary went out over the air yesterday:
Snips: Well Dino, look what we have on tap for us first thing tomorrow. Looks like another stacked-heat pitting such a fierce competitor as CJ Hobgood against Taj Burrow another electrifying competitor. Both of these competitors are looking extremely fit and incredibly focused. They look so comfortable out here and no doubt, we’re in for a real treat as we watch these fierce competitors battle for the best waves here at “The End of the Road” – Billabong Pro, Tahiti 2009.
D’Andino: (thirty second pause) Yeah Mike… I was just thinking; you know, what truly sets these fierce competitors apart from the other fierce competitors out here at the “End of the Road” – Billabong Pro, Tahiti 2009, is how hard these guys train. You know, they’re both looking incredibly fit and it shows in how comfortable they are out here in these conditions. And you know, it’s probably just going to come down to who has the most opportunities to catch the best waves and surf them the best. You know, all you can ask for is the opportunity, you know – and Luke Egan’s done such a tremendous job of providing that opportunity for what should be a fiercely contested heat.
Translation:
Snips: Gawwlee, the waves still stink and now I must mask my mounting excitement as an American dismantles an Aussie. Fingers crossed! I mean every gosh-darn heat has one of ‘those people’ in it. They’re everywhere - and they all look and talk the same. After giving it some serious thought, I think ‘those people’ have an extra bone in their leg that allows them to churn out their professional surfers like Hostess makes those scrumptious cupcakes. For once, can we get an all mainland USA final here? If my boy Taylor doesn’t get in, darn it, at least an all Hobgood final would suffice. In fact, I’d have to call my doctor because I’m quite certain that my erection would not be wilting four hours after the trophy presentation.
D’Andino: ______________ ummm, dude, I just realized I’m using Blakey’s microphone and my lips accidently grazed its bulbous tip. I now have goose bumps. Does that make me… gay? No way, I have a son named Kalohe gawddamit. But, I wonder what products Blakey uses to obtain that full-bodied look with those gorgeous tresses. Maybe he’s part Aborigine. I wonder if he can shape-shift? Either way, he’s kinda handsome in that dark, brooding sort of way. Speaking of brooding, I wonder what it would feel like to have Jordy do a floater and land on my lap? And with that thought in mind, let’s throw it down to GT in the channel with Adonis himself, Mr. Eugene Fanning.
What a fucking shame that a sloppy, bobbled, completely average barrel by Aritz is pushing Slater towards retirement.
The ASP judging is so confused when it rewards mediocre tube rides with 7.5’s especially when they are not well executed…..
@SF - exactly my point.
@ El Guapo,
Forgive me Guapo…I know that I, Jefe, do not have your superior intellect and education, but could it be that once again, that you are angry at something else and are looking to take it out on me?
Is it because you turning 40 today?
hahaha classic shit br
I agree with SF as well as Richbzztch. Aritz’s 7.5 was overscored and Slater’s monumental man slam should of been a 7.5 or so. I am not sure if that would have been enough to swing things Kelly’s way. Maybe we should give some credit to Aritz for his underscored 9.77.
BR, what do you do for a living that allows you time to translate, analyze, dissect, and redirect commentary from surf contests? Whatever it is, keep doing it, because that was fucking funny.
come work for Transworld, Lewis already denied us.
Just watched a few Bong Island Times in a row and I didn’t think G.T. was all that offensive. But I have to jump on the bandwagon after watching 5 in a row of him and Freddie P. That fuck gets under your fucking skin like a severe case of shingles. Fred loves his new site also, he’s claiming it’s raw and controversial and they are asking questions no one else is and blah blah blah. That shows how shallow the website pro surfer type pool really is. Wish those kooks wouldn’t have fluked Lewis, if you had postsurf rolling at the comps live and direct it would be all fucking time. Uncharted cyber territory, no one really even doing it and I guess Fred is the only one scratching the surface. Shallow shit but he is semi cool and does destroy it where it really counts.
Slater’s 3rd 17th in a row could be a blessing in disguise for board design on a historical level. Can’t wait to see what he does since he isn’t going to be worrying about points. It would’ve been fun to see what he showed up with in Brazil. He will have the last laugh sooner or later on a crypt little mind machine. Bet on it.
Mark, while I’d love to take a compliment from you without issue, I’m afraid my insight into Occy was based not on any brilliance on my part, but rather word from WA insiders. And, as we’ve discussed, please no lumping me into the “liberal” camp. I’ve not voted for Ms. Nancy, ever and, despite my recent Obama vote, I’ve voted for more Republicans for president than not. You see, much like Mr. Cote’s man-boobs, I can’t be held down and just tend to go where gravity pulls me.
Related to the tour, I’m expecting that this year is the last go, at least in its current format. It’s old and boring. AI’s not coming back, Slater’s likely already gone, and despite the surfing ability, there’s just nothing really exciting about Dane or Jordy day in and day out. As long as I have the Mex Rip Curl comp on Tivo to salivate over, that’s all I need.
I could use a free hug from a pre-teen right now (last photo on the lower right) that’s about the best thing ever.
Hey Stu.
Know what the difference is between me and you? I KNOW that another 06 Rip Curl Search will happen soon. The glass is half full.
You are like Archie Bunker sitting there grumbling in his easy chair.” It’ll nevah be da same Edit! Dese new soifas jus don GET IT!!!!
Fuck, I forgot about Bay to Breakers and missed checking out all the young hotties! The Asian babe is sweet!
That is my yet another scan on your website. Thanks for not letting me down.
Bookmarked and Digged. Thanks so much. I’ll be back for more.
Your blog is so informative … keep up the good work!!!!
Many thanks for your explanation and taking the time to email me as well :)
Miley is the best but I wish i was her lol
Almost every single forex broker you will encounter offers a free demo account to learn how to trade from. If properly utilized a demo account can teach you the mechanics of trade execution as well as give you time to develop and test your own personal trading method. A forex method that consistently makes money on a demo account, if traded the same way, should make money on a real account. The difference lies in the fact that real money trading is much more emotionally difficult on people. However, if you take the time to test your trading method on a demo account and really take it seriously, the transition to trading real money in the forex market can be relatively seamless.
Have you seen this video? miley cyrus giving a lap dance to 40 yer old producer! disgusting
The amount of of you guys here play WoW and are likely to reroll either a Goblin or a Worgen inside the new expansion?
If you are willing to buy real estate, you will have to get the . Moreover, my father always uses a collateral loan, which occurs to be really reliable.