Like most ASP events, the Billabong Pro turned into an extended Kelly Slater show yesterday, despite the fact that Slater lost early for the third time in three events.
Denied their "Kelly Comeback!" angle, the media latched onto the "Kelly Vanquished - What Next?!?!" story.
When Kelly was gracious enough to continue his public psychoanalysis in the channel with GT, the webcast crew preempted over half of Mick Fanning's heat in favor of GT and Kelly fumbling through some strained conversation about Nikola Tesla's opposition to metaphysics. Slater seemed more interested in the outcome of Fanning's heat than any of the commenters. The general tenor of Slater's interview suggested that he's eager to prove to both the public and himself that "Kelly Slater" is an actual human being, whose interests extend beyond competitive surfing, and whose happiness is not determined exlusively by contest results.
Largely forgotten in this pageant was Aritz Aranburu, the Basque surfer who deftly aranburued Kelly out of almost any chance at a 2009 World Title.
Aritz won the heat by providing the judges with what the contest has largely been devoid of: barrels. On the cleanest, best bowl of the day, Aritz competently held his line and was rewarded with a 9.77. It was a beautiful wave - but nearly every beach in the world has a handful of hot locals who could have grabbed rail and drawn the same line. In stark contrast, the backside gouge that Slater detonated at the end of his heat was beyond the capablities of 99.9% percent of the surfers in the world... and perhaps even 99% of the surfers on tour.
In surf contests, tubes are the great equalizer. An outmatched opponent can score a 10 simply by lucking into the wave of the day, dropping in behind the peak, and holding their line. Yes, some tubes are incrediby technical, and therefore worthy of high scores (think Taylor Knox's side-slip setup yesterday, or any number of impossibly deep barrels that the Hobgoods have jived through over the years). But many other high-scoring barrels require almost no effort from the surfer. It's the wave that's being scored.
The interesting thing about all this (if you actually find any aspect of the ASP interesting) is that the judging criteria has actively attempted to move heats away from being wave-catching contests. If a surfer catches a perfect set wave on the Goldy, but nurses every turn, they'll get an average score (Dean Morrison lost by doing this).
Imagine if a competitor scored the cleanest set wave of the day at Trestles, grabbed rail off the drop, and then held on, on the open face, without changing his line, for the entire wave. He'd score a 1. But if a competitor does the same thing at Chopes, and the wave happens to barrel, he can score a 10.
I know a lot of readers will call bullshit on this. But it's really not that hard to get a good barrel on a barely overhead, south swell wave at Chopes. (West bowls are a different animal. And yes, not that it matters, but I have surfed Chopes on days like that, and gotten waves like that. This only proves my point: even mediocre surfers can get amazing barrels on the right wave if they simply hold their line.)
But that turn Kelly did? The technique, commitment, leverage, flexibility, all channeled through months of frustration - a whole different story.
A.I. heard you talking about drawing straight lines and now he’s nowhere to be found
And I think GT has his eyes on the dude from Stab Magazine. Now all of a sudden he wants to wear a captains hat?
It turns out Kelly’s score of 15 plus would have beaten almost every other heat winner in that round. Damn that Luke Egan. Why can’t we go back to the good old days when Ian Cairns controlled all the contests? Why am I picturing Ian in a pair of retro boardshorst right now? I’m not sure. But I do know this…he is rumored to have the biggest Schwarzenstein in Orange County.
Anyone else listening to Dino Andino attempt to speak English on the webcast? Seriously… it sounds like English is his second language (with his first language being farting).
Dino on the event going mobile next year:
“That would be incredibly hard logistic… ummm, I mean, logistically it would be incredibly hards.”
Lewis, you are a fucking idiot and an europeans hater. If it is that easy to get a barrell like the 9.77 one, why the hell didn´t Kelly got one?
@ Jose
He was just making a point. They use the same judging criteria at Pipe. Barrells over turns. You could do a air reverse 720, land it and only get a 5 if you don’t get tubed. But that is the nature of competative surfing….most of the time the guy who gets the best waves wins. Yes, there are exceptions…and none of those exceptions are European.
Should’ve finished the event at that “secret” right-hander we saw in the video last week. Speaking of which, the ASP needs to add a heavy, ledging right-hand reef wave (besides Backdoor Pipe) to the tour. Shark Island instead of Snapper/Kirra? That would be interesting.
Judging has been suspect all year long. Not just Kelly’s heats. Those judges are nothing if not inconsistent this year…
@ Dudley
I’m trying to determine what is more annoying…Dino’s commentary or that Boom Boom Pow song by the Black Eyed Peas. I think the Black Eyed Peas win by default because they have a tranvestite in the band. Also, who is a bigger talentless hack…GT or Sal Masakala? That’s some Paris Hilton shit right there. What do these guys do? At least Paris has a rich dad and a sex video.
I was scored a 20.333.01 absolute sick barrel at a contest in Linda Mar. So I think that proves the point right there. I started crying as soon as I was spat from the tube. Cried harder than Laird. And I was riding a surf ski. I’m a legend.
I think Lewis is spot on with this one. To get a 9+ score I believe both the surfer and the wave need to do something amazing, not just the wave.
@ the nug
Oh, it is at least curious that he makes a point about judging criteria just the day the long time criticized Aranburu beats Kelly.
The ASP has it ass backwards. They hire ex pros who can’t communicate well, but understand the intricacies of technique doing the commentary. And judges, who could never pull the moves, nor understand the difference of difficulty calling the out the points!
Alas, the masses that these contests are marketed towards don’t know the difference either.
That turn Kelly made reminded me of the turn Dane mad in his Rd. 3 loss at the Quik Pro this year(I think Taj beat him). It was a turn that few people in the world have the ability to make and was one of the most exciting happenings of the event. You’ll see more barrels like Aranburu’s at the Billabong Pro(B. Martinez), but guaranteed you won’t see another turn as critical and vicious as the backhand snap by Kelly Slater.
I agree with you on this completely, but the problem is there’s nothing that can really be done to fix it. What if Kelly got the wave Aritz got? Would you not want to give him the score because he cruised through an easy tube? It’s just competitive surfing and it sucks most of the time.
Got to commend Kelly for being such a great sport and staying around and be interviewed by that “So-Cal” bro’d out, Laker fan. He stayed around for days extra at Bells to surf the expression session after he lost too. If there’s anything that Kelly is not, it’s a sore loser.
@Jose - Kelly didn’t get a barrel like Artiz’s because it didn’t come. I figured that was fairly obvious. In fact, he got one with a slightly lower score. The event so far has been wave starved.
Artiz’s wave was solid and required some skill, but it is true that the ASP format favors large tubes over display of talent and style.
To Mike Kew, wow, send them to the secrete right hander. Thats pretty much what your MO is, sending people to waves that shouldn’t be exposed. thanks buddy. its gotten you kicked out of a few places hasn’t it.
C’mon Jose…i’m an european too.Portuguese by the way( remember Tiago vs Carissa Moore ) and now i think he’s totally right.That turn…foda-se!
Who’s Mick Fanning? I’m more interested in the Tesla Coil for sure.
@ nuno
what lewis does say is pretty right but i think the moment when he does is not right at all. His comment sounds kinda opportunist to me.
If taking a good barrel ist just a matter of luck, why the winners in Pipeline are usually the best surfers???
Aranburuery is the new fuckery.
@ Uno cualquiera
You bloody well got that right. I’ve been telling anyone who’ll listen that I won the Pipe Masters ’cause I’m the best guy in the water.
Good on ya mate
What is more annoying? Ocker, sorry, Occy, and all the ummm’s? or the continual lip smacking?
Stu voted to bar all new taxes and all new proposed props in California today no matter the consequence. He was scored a 10 by all 3 Republican judges. Were Slater here to vote, he’d have lost to Stu as well. No funky new board is going to end Kelly’s losing streak. There’s really no returning after a good aranburuing.
Come on people, Kelly was on the tower moments before his heat started.He wanted to know what the judges were looking for good scores.He just couldn´t get them.If it would´ve been the other way, Kelly getting that 9.77, it would have been another demonstration of his mastery(like i think that that last blast IS).He only lost a heat, anyone can lose (you too lewis).
By the way, too much anglosaxonism (is that a word??) on the CT…
not sure how Lewis’ comments could be opportunist unless he was Kelly Slater. But hey, AA just took down D. Hobgood so perhaps he’s the best surfer in the world now…just look at his scalps thus far in this contest. Obviously a major realignment in ASP rankings is underway with Aritz leading the charge and Jihad close on his heels…
How the ASP rolls with their judging/commentary stuff would be like the NBA going with Chick Hearn as the ref, and Tim Donaghy as the commentator.
Holy Bigfoot Shit!
Are you guys listening to Andy Irons and Occy right now?
Sounds like Andy just did an 8ball and now he’s talking to a retarded koala bear.
So Aritz is on a roll Dane, Kelly Damian….Good on him. It was really cool to see Kelly work hard and try and make it happen in his heat. His surfing looked more inspired than I’ve seen all season so far. That backside snap will be remembered and relished long after Aritz’s great run in this contest. Lewis is spot on any wide stance geek that has the sack to hold the line can get barreled on the right wave. The umbilical that holds it all together is called e t h e r n e t.
@Stu. Oh yea, all those government butt draggers? All they need is more of our tax money. That will solve the state’s problems.
Drive thru.
@ Ross
Lewis is american just like Kelly am i wrong? and he has made fun of Aritz many times (aranburing and those stuff) I used to like postsurf, but i´d rather see Lewis congratulating Artiz for beating Kelly and critizicing the judging criteria in any better moment, cause Artiz´s victory is indisputable
andy’s commentary jacked up — but I like it!
Andy actually a breath of fresh air. Now, if he would only take a quick flick, and toss Ocker off the commentary tower. OPPS!! sorry, matey.
For all you Californians out there who don’t exist to feed off of the government trough, make sure you vote NO on all of the propositions.
Anyone who has even a passing interest in pro surfing, contests, etc cannot EVER complain about their home breaks being over-crowded. It is the corporate machine that drives this dog and pony show which has caused surfing to become the mass market commodity it is today. I can’t for the life of me understand how any person over the age of 15 can be at all interested in this silly shit. Juvenile hero worship has gotten us where we are today. Million dollar corporations pimping out surfing to pimply faced adolescents are the main reason your local spots are a zoo. Boycott pro surfing, and the sleaze-bags who fund it.
Lmfao@ Andy’s commentary.
Andy: Look! There’s two women fucking a polar bear.
Occy: Don’t tell me those things now, mate.
@Blasphemy Rottmouth,
yes, like Harry Cary without the oversized specs.
Andy: I have to go.
Occy: Go?
Andy: Yes. Leave the country.
Occy: Calm down. You’ll be straight in a few hours. Just sit down, sit the fuck down.
Andy: Don’t fuck around, man. This is serious. One more hour in this commentary booth and I’ll kill somebody!
Andy: We were somewhere around Teahupoo, at the ‘end of the road’, when the drugs began to take hold. I remember Occy saying something like:
Occy: I feel a bit lightheaded. Maybe you should drive.
Andy: Suddenly, there was a terrible roar all around us, and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, and a voice was screaming:
Occy: Holy Jesus. What are these goddamn animals?
[swatting the air]
Andy: Huh! Huh! Huh! Fucking pigs.
Dino Andino: Did you say something?
Occy: Hm? Never mind. It’s your turn to drive.
Andy: No point in mentioning these bats, I thought. Poor bastard will see them soon enough.
5.0’s are the new 9.0’s.
I’m just pleased Bobby took down AI so he could go do his 8ball and then commentate…..that’s really all I could hope for and more. It’s like going to the comedy club with no two drink minimum.
Dude, that’s not anxiety you’re feeling, it’s the baking powder I cut into the coke.
@ Jose
Your evidence of Lewis being opportunist is that he and Kelly share American citizenship. Let me fill you in on something: Most Americans - including LS I would wager - take no pride in being American. We used to, but those days are long gone. Do you ever see any American flags being waved at contests? I did see the BAsque flag waving and the Brazil’s but no good ol’ US of A. So no, Lewis doesn’t pump Slater and burn AA because of shared citizenship with Kelly. His commentary is based on the fact that one is an extraordinary surfer/athlete and one shouldn’t really be on the tour. Nevertheless, AA’s perserverence and tenacity has earned him a spot on tour so good on him for that.
I’ll take Occy and Andy over Snips and Dino any day—fuck, it was the most exciting thing to happen in this contest since day one. That’s why all you guys are on here.
i think mick campbell didn’t know quite what to do with GT yesterday….
i noticed a few moments where GT would just throw out some bait…like talking to CJ about sausages…i wouldn’t have been able to hold back…”i bet you would go for the sausage eh GT?”
@ Ross
Why shouldn´t really be Aritz on tour? It is not definetly one of my favourite surfers, but he got pretty good results on power waves and the last year got bad luck getting injured
@BR
“We’re right in the middle of a fucking reptile zoo! And somebody’s giving booze to these goddamn things!”
kellys turn? if you dont kick out the back leg. a top turn you did not make.
Chris Cote is right. I haven’t had this much fun since I watched Mark’s mom skydive ‘parachutte-less’ into Nagasaki in 1945.
Lewis, i love your articles but you kind of sunk into a glass of water with this argument…that Aritz barrel definitely was the best moment of the heat and was really technical…and nope you would have never came out of that one…
oops i forgot,,,you are pissed off cause you said so much shit about the “hunchback” but you have to admit the degree of difficulty was huge…see ya in the barrel
I have been saying this for years only to be ridiculed. I regularly make & see made better barrels than any ridden in this contest. Unless the barrel is an absolute beast, I would rather see massive, critical snaps, etc. (see TB’s heat v. CJ), & the judges should score accordingly. The people who call Lewis & I idiots for this thinking must live at beaches that rarely barrel.
let’s make a poll? as a surfeur you’d rather get aritz tube or kelly”s turn…exactly!
Good point taco & I think Aritz won that heat. However, if Kelly had done 2 more snaps like his 1st, then I think he should have received a 9+ as well. Would the judges have given him that score without a barrel? I don’t think so.
@ JimG
I am totally sure Lewis and you have never pulled out a backhand barrel as near the foamball as the Aritz´s one
So now everybody thinks that doing turns is more dificult than barrels…mmmm…but i do think Kelly´s turn is sick…
kelly himself has won so many heats with the barrel weapon, loves the barrel more than any other surfing manoeuver, will aknowledge the fact that aritz diserved the score just cause he hunted for that wave, read it, chose it, and became that wave…total adaptation and synergy with the wave. isn’t it the essence of surfing?
mmmm, Tacos.
What is it with Taco, burrito and enchilada? We are talking about a basque dude. Where is Paella or Chorizo with the chime in?
As with Dino Andino, this may come down to an ESL issue.
But listen up EuroBros:
LS never said Kelly deserved to win the heat, nor did he say that Aritz sucks. He just said that it’s much easier to get barrelled than do a huge crazy fucking turn.
The article was about judging. Aritz met the criteria and won. But should heats come down to a wave catching contest or a surf contest?
That’s the whole deal. So stop your fucking Euro-whining! The world is not against you. Aritz is still going. Hats off to him. Focus on that.
exactlty, dont hate the player hate the game
aritz arunburu has the stinkiest style i have ever seen. only aritz could have made that tube look so stank. conversely, slater produced beauty from a stinker of a wave. aritz stinks up beauty with stinkbug style.
It’s obvious, “nearly every beach in the world has a handful of hot locals” who can beat Dane, kelly and Damo.
Against Damo, the 5.33 of Aritz was just about TURNS. That wave (5.33) was better than any wave of Damo (4.83).
That’s why “nearly every beach in the world has a handful of hot locals” on top 44.
Hey, we all know that Aritz is not that good on turns, but looks like some of us don’t want to admit that he is very good on barrels. His best results on tour were at Pipe and Teahuppo. One of his best results on qs was at Thurso.
yeah satanv! fashion before function!!whoo!!! go shred on a wave pull if you think the wave does not matter,,,have fun
Thats it Dudley, is it easier to get barrelled than doing turns?Come on…
Jose,
I have come out of many barrels where I rode the foamball & watched the spit blow out before I did. That said, Aritz’ barrel was insane. I am just saying that when Teahupoo (& other breaks) are only offering small barrels, then barrels should be scored a little lower & manuevers a little higher.
I think we need a translator here. I’m not sure what half of these comments mean.
we need real surfers too
@BR,
Please reset this conversation…I need wisdom NOW!!
Joel: Wow! Wow! Wow!
A.I.: Man, am I amping or what?
i dont think the judging criteria should change depending on the swell conditions, especially the wave´s height. there are sick barrels in 3ft and shitty ones in 7ft or more
And and Parko are comedy. Kelly was right when he said the pros should commentate (and i
m not just saying that cause i want them to like me).
judo shin turn! haiya!
I have always like the low key/sponsored/ team style commentary with the grass roots feel but this contest has kinda turned into the pass the mic Saturday Night Live Tahiti pro. Luke has got to be bummed.
can they find anyone to put on the microphone who isn’t shitfaced drunk?
Another shining GT moment to a shirtless Dayyan and Kai:
GT: “You guys have been going at each other pretty hard…
Can we have a wrestling match?”
Andy: [spilling cocaine all over the console] Jesus! You see what God just did to us, man?
Joel: God didn’t do that, you did it. You’re a fucking narcotics agent, and I knew it! That was our cocaine you fucking pig swine whore…
Andy: You’d better be careful. There’s plenty of vultures out here, they’ll pick your bones clean before morning.
Joel: You fucking whoore.
Andy: He he he. Let me give a shout out to Brucie!
These two (A.I., Parko) commentating are classic. Definitely the most entertaining combo to call an event this year.
Parko after A.I.’s commercial: “Look at how gay you are in that thing”
A.I. seems positive and upbeat.
make sure you don’t break your fin brah
Hey Mike,
I am looking at a probable free fall in the fantasy rankings. You can quit pretending to have respect for my opinions and go back to saying what you really mean.
P.S. Who is the guy “Jeff” who e-mailed A.I. and Parko in the booth and said he wanted to see G.T. sing Y.M.C.A.? That was funny.
Also I noticed Lewis took my comment on Slater’s slam and turned it into a post. Dude I realize this is your blog and all but can you please find your own material? I work hard at this and it sucks to be ripped off.
Andy: Well, they’ve nailed me goddamnit. I’m trapped in some stinking ocean crossroads called Teahupoo. I don’t have much time man, the fuckers are closing in! They’ll hunt me down like a fucking beast!
Joel: Whoa, getting a little paranoid?
Andy: [yelling] I need a fucking lawyer immediately!
Joel: What are you doing in Teahupoo, didn’t you get my telegram?
Andy: What telegram you worthless bastard? I’ll cripple your ass for this.
Joel: You brainless scumbag, you’re supposed to be in Hawaii covering the National District Attorney’s Conference - I rented a suite at the Flamingo. Everything has been arranged. Now, what are you doing out in the middle of the South Pacific?
Andy: Nothing. Never mind, it was all a big joke. Actually, I’m behind the console right now, talking though a portable phone some dwarf brought out from the boat. I have total credit here. DON’T come anywhere near this place, you bastard. Foreigners aren’t welcome.
I for one am shocked that Andy’s manager let that commentary go on as long as it did.
oh no, Ocker’s back. now it’s going to be a real big letdown.
Occy the lipsmacker. who knob is he slurping on?
@ BR…..brilliant! Thank you
@ Euros…….????? This is beyond you. Now, back to the real fun.
Artiz’s style looks like a guy surfing while wearing a burka.
Allah snackbar!
except that Snips is droning on and on again
did you see Artizies last turn? tried to pull something close to what my owner does in his sleep, but left it dangling?
i told you he’s nothing special.
prolly wears a dick tog underneath his wettie.
@ Ayman al…[fake muslim shit]
you will soon get aranburued!!
Earthquake!!!!
parsons and occy has just said that artiz´s tuberiding technique is like kelly´s
if Whittaker doesn’t win this heat, will that prove that he’s a bigger atzelari than Aritzie?
Parko & AI’s commentary is the tits.
oh boy, Billabong Corporation must be shitting bricks over this.
this contest has turned into a battle of the biggest alu!
maybe they’ll keep the share trading halt for a few more months.
Are you a fucking retard Jose?
The post never said anything about Aritz being an crap tube rider.
it just said that his 9.77 was a wave that average surfers could have made.
I agree actually that this Ritz cracker has been surfing pretty damn good
Aritz and Tommy fall as much as I do easily on a good day.
i am not retarded i was answering to people who was talking shit about aritz style
Still rootin for ya PostMark, never was counting on any trip I didn’t pay for.
Call it bi-partisan good will.
Is this a NSSA mock heat in the South Pacific? HBHS exchange students represent!
wow, AB just pulled an F move.
@Ricjfingbzztch,
i was thinking the same thing.
pure kaka zaharra.
About as exciting as an I Brothers Pinetree’s Classic. Surfing about as inspiring.
ASP, RIP.
dane, kelly, damien and tom got aramburued
bobby you are the next one!! (dont think so, he is goofy footed)
Taj will win this hands down.
effectively, saving the ASP…
for another 4 weeks.
Double A. About as boring as the Ocker commentary.
Slurp. Slurp.
what are the odds of Aritz infecting the rest of the tour with swine flu style surfing?
Dane, Kelly, Parko, Jordy, Mick - none in the Semis instead we have Aritz. As said above, RIP ASP…they better figure out a way of pushing the watchable riders through heats. Yes that’s right I call for fixed judging…sensible judging if that’s more palatable.
With all due respect, I just took an Aranburu.
i wish they would bring back AI and Parko for more commentary. i’m sure they’re in fine shape by now.
ross, don´t cry man, at least you have taj…
don’t care much for taj. Gotta go with Bobby…
sicka turns, bro
Occy is going back to the house to get something to eat and go to the toilet. He will be back for the finals.
Well, gentlemen, I’ve watched every round that I have been able to watch and seen most of Señor Aranburu’s heats and the truth is, I feel torn. If this were the NCAA final four, sports fans everywhere would be weeping with tears of joy over the Cinderella story of the decade while Aritz gave his good hearted post heat interviews to the biggest fucking moron ever to be paid to vomit into a microphone, GT. However, I don’t think there has ever been a final four team that looked as bowel shakingly bad in every single round as the tricksy basque. Simply put, that tiny little boy from Basque Land (as Occy so eloquently called it) can barely go one wave without a biblical flail of some sort. Every barrel I have personally seen him pull out of has been accompanied by what appears to be some sort of seizure. It’s incredible and feels somehow wrong to see him dispatching infinitely better surfers. but no one get’s good tubes off the best in the world without having a bit of skill up their sleeve. And now he faces off against my man bobby. Let’s watch the show…
well put Ted.
@MR ROTTEN:
Andy: Pass the motherfucking bong!
Joel: Relax, I need to refill the bowl.
Andy: Nevermind, I found my OxyContin.
Joel: Great, perhaps that will calm you down, & you will stop screaming like a schoolgirl.
Andy: Do want trade a Ritalin for a Xanax?
Andy: That Drunk Occy just took last Hinano!
Joel: We need a beer caddy in the tower.
People, please shut the fuck up on the AI drug shit. Enough.
Alright, Bobby’s gonna take this heat.
So, what is more of a let down? the semis and coming finals?
Or the lame ass commentary?
Aritz waves a skinny basque finger. ” Not just yet tío.”
Ashitzzz is on some Happy Gilmore shit man.
So we’ve come to the revelation that surf contests don’t necessarily provide a venue for identifying the best surfer? I think you’re onto something here, I really do. BTW, who the hell is GT? I haven’t gotten a chance to watch the webcast. This whole job thing is really getting in the way.
This is a pretty epic w.q.s. contest though.
If good waves come in, Bobby wins. If not, Taj.
And yeah, this is a killer ‘QS event.
viva mexico.
Anybody sick of that Wade Goodale faggot laugh during those sick stretch commercials? I like the baggies but that laugh of his is giving me c.h.u.d. nightmares. HA HA! Sick Stretch!
Beat it Wade! You rip but get that gel out of your hair and take a bath.
@Shreddy,
GT, Greg Tomlinson, makes Melissa Rivers look compelling.
He’s the Melissa Rivers of surf interviewing on the red carpeting.
DOWN GOES KING ARITZ.
Mike Parsons is making me sleepy, very sleepy.
Aritz got aranburued
Nice hat G.T. (sike!)
@Jose
Q. You have a new surf DVD. It has an Aritz section and a Kelly section. Whose part do you watch first?
A. Trick question. As if there would be an Aritz section.
I have a solution to ASP foolery.
All contestants must ride stickerless boards &
Must wear one of the following masks to maintain anonymity with the judges- Ronald Reagan, Nixon, Carter, or Lyndon B
Aritz is a gentleman and speaks very good English. Nice job kid.
I think you guys are a bit rough on the ol’ GT’er. Given the surf world doesn’t offer much choice, I don’t think the guy is all that bad. He’s much better to listen to than PT. Plus, we had a taste of Andy in the booth and you heard how that went.
@Hazard County = one of GT’s friends.
Hazard County, fuck off. And take your sailor hat with you.
with all the peeps in the channel, and all the Hinano swilling going on,…. with the continual pissing in the channel, i’m surprised there are not more Tiger shark attacks.
Tajie, ya ought as well get a skirt, mate.
bridesmaid again.
@PeterPerfect, pretty easy to speak like a dick from behind your little keyboard eh? That said, GT does seem like a bit of a spigot.
Yeah Bobby.
Congrats to Bobby…..but for the love of god, the commentary is so f-ing ridiculous…..it could be anyone winning and the “accolades” from all of these dipshits are so generic…..please ASP, let’s actually take over the show and dump the sponsored commentator shit. That’s all I ask for, some truly unbiased outlooks. PLEASE!!!
yea, Ocker’s mum, everyone just got BM’d!!!
now why does your son continually make that smacking sound?
Congratulations Bob Martinez!!!
yawn, yawn, yawn, go mow the lawn
(His gums get stuck together.)
I’ll sponsor BM if he would shove that microphone down GT’s gullet.
ah yes, mom, your son has the old cum gums.
You would know Bob.
Perfect is firing….
As for Peter’s sleepy Parsons homage, ever see him surf before the invention of a tow rope?
You nailed it.
Viva Bobby
This comments section has been Aranburued.
I’d be more entertained by the funny look of some Euskara sentences.
@Mike
Never saw Parsons surf on tour, but he charges the big stuff and is a smart guy. But behind the microphone, man he’s snoresville.
@Erik,
Thought you were dead.
Commenting on Post Surf on the final day of a contest is like surfing a prime time spot mid day on an in season prime direction swell with perfect winds and lighting.
Although there is an occasional decent, informed, insightful comment there is a ton of pig piling as well. Just like at the prime time spot there are plenty of regulars ripping there is also a ton of longboards, SUP’s, boogie boards, old guys, young punks. assholes etc.
Same here. A couple of decent comments from one or two regulars but they are drowned out by the noise of the legions of the not that funny.
I prefer the quiet days on post surf when an average post is dissected by only a couple of talented commenters and torn into like a plate lunch at Rainbow drive inn. Kind of like a morning session up the coast that is cut short by a spring gale and everyone leaves then right as you and your friend are about to drive away the wind mysteriously drops off, the tide moves in some and you charge back out there and score empty perfection.
Thats what I like.
I like putting tic tacs in my dogs butt.
That is because you are a loser.
You vote today Blas? How is that California government doing handling your money that you paid them?
Aranburu just went ape shit, he did what was called for… get tubed. Mood point. What’s the best thing you can do in surfing? If the wave allows it- it’s all about getting as deep as possible and making it without a drop of water touching you. Air, turns, whatever will change over time but getting pitted will always be at the apex of surfing.
No one even mentioned that Bobby was riding a borrowed board and couldn’t do a turn to save his life. He even admitted it. Even more props due. Well done Bobby.
I don’t pay taxes and I don’t live in California… anymore. When I did vote, I was a registered Independent. But I only voted for individuals with names that rhymed with Cock. Like, for instance, Ronald Reagan.
Bobby deserved this, if for nothing less, for his honesty. For the good of all that’s real. For MANKIND!!! FOR THE UNIVERSE!!!
It was that important.
Do you even surf?
The past few years of the WCT…. all I can remember is:
1) Josh Kerr’s last attempt at Snapper’s against Mick.
2) Kelly and Dane at Winkipop last year
3) Dane’s combo bottom turn/top turn at Snappers/Kirra this year
4) Kelly’s last wave at Chopes this year
Turns and progression. Not Barrels.
Why are you afraid to tell us where you live?
Mark,
There aren’t many waves in Hades. But every once in a while the ol’ lake o’ brimstone conjurs up a lil’ sulfurous windswell. I take what the Prince of Darkness gives me.
Okay, so baseball has the home run, boxing has the knockout and wrestling the pin (basketball just has points shaving and no defense until the last three minutes)….MOST INDIVIDUAL SPORTS HAVE THE GREAT EQUALIZER THAT ENABLES THE LESSER COMPETITOR TO OCCASIONALLY WHOOP THE FUCK OUT OF THE BETTER COMPETITOR. In the history of boxing, how many times have sloppy jelly roll looking no-name heavyweights landed one punch after getting pummeled for six rounds only to be named heavyweight champ? Apparently, about as often as Dustin Barca gets hit in his front two teeth or GT makes surfing look bad behind a microphone.
Inconsistent and questionable judging aside, “the great equalizer’ is what keeps many individual sports interesting, hence the threat of pulling a tube in any conditions (a la the one that Kelly picked out at Trestles a while back or the ones guys miraculously found at Bells) always being worthy of a high score, especially when they aren’t coming through every wave (like this contest’s lame excuse for Teahupoo). Without that threat, a surf contest would be the NBA or the NFL and we all know how action-packed those sporting events are.
Yes, the dominant competitor will generally win in spite of his opponent having access to the equalizing threat, but occasionally the better athlete gets caught. In surfing though, instead of getting knocked out (again, unless you’re Dustin Barca’s wannabe tough-guy bitch ass), you get to do the turn of the ASP season so far in frustration and let us wish that we had ever been that inverted out front of our local.
Hypothetically speaking, if I could do that turn of Kelly’s or get A.A.’s tube, I’d take that turn. Anyone who has spent considerable time on an island, a sand point or the Goldie, has seen hundreds of local rippers get tubes that are equally as good as A.A.’s. I don’t think there have been many turns like that in the history of the ASP…
Re: commentators. They’re idiots. So are John Madden and Dick Vitale. No sport does a good job with finding articulate, knowledgeable and proven (talented/former-pro) athletes. Why would we expect surfing to?
Oh, and watch….someone will fail a drug test in France this year. Between the tennis and cycling world going upside down over coke and prescription drugs in Europe in recent months, I wouldn’t doubt that Kerr or Mick Campbell pulls a Neco Padaratz…or better yet, let A.A. get dropped for it.
Speaking of Mick Campbell, he looked good against Kerr yesterday.
@Myles, so how many points do we deduct for every drop of water that might fall upon a given rider?
is it a full 5 point deduction if a shack happens to mush on a pro surfer?
By the looks and sounds of that train wreck play-by-play today, I would think it’s safe to assume that Andy has not quite hit his bottom yet. What a waste of talent. And by the way, nice shout out to Lyndie from the booth. I’ll bet she was was having a great time on the beach while you were being the drunken corporate stooge. Imagine what a mess he’d be if she shuts him down and walks off. That might what it takes for him to get his shit together. If Billabong is arrogant and stupid enough to give him a wildcard at Mundaka, it just might be him who gets the random test.
kelly doesn’t need to prove anything. he fucken won like 6 events last year wake up web world
Billa Wrong: Your professed hostility toward Billabong leads me to believe you were recently laid off by said company and now are left masturbating to re-runs of Trilogy in your PlatinumX shorts whilst watery semen drips unconsol’d through your arthritic fingers.
And since you seem so worried about Andy’s family life, I offer you solace in the realization that a thrice-crowned millionaire could forsake his matrimonial obligations with every piece of ass he saw for the next 50 years, and Lyndie would still be there stroking his world-calibre cock and basking in its presence.
PS: If you ninnies would really rather do a turn than get barreled, you’re either A): a bald-faced liar or B): a wakeboarder.
Or perhaps C): self-professed Kelly Slater sperm receptacle.
@ Myles,
There’s nothing wrong with a shackfest, it’s just that when you’re trying to hold a shackfest and only some waves offer a shack, then a lesser talent can win the heat because they lucked into one of the waves of the day. There were several surfers who lost heats because the chopes shacks never arrived for them and were simply left sitting out in the lineup for 15 minutes of their heat twiddling their fucking thumbs. Or even worse, they were trying to get shacked on waves that mushed.
If chopes is going to be a tube-riding contest, fine by me, but they need consistent rolling barrels to hold it in otherwise it proves nothing. A level playing field of consistent winding 6ft chopes tubes will show that Andy in his prime can drop later and stay in the barrel longer with style than just about anyone. It will show that Kelly can ride the foamball like a zen master along with the hobgoblins. Aritz might hold his own then as well and that’s fine.
Despite what Lewis says, it wasn’t tuberiding that was the great equalizer at chopes this year, it was the inconsistency of the surf and the fact that when the waves did turn up, only half of them did what was required for the surfers to give the judges what they really wanted.
The big questions to ask after this debacle are ‘does the chopes contest need to go mobile or just have a backup spot?’ and ‘does chopes need a longer contest window?’. Both would appear too expensive. And next year it will be 8-10 foot offshore and all will be forgiven. Well, apart from the woeful commentary.
Sorry for the rant. Setting the alarm every fucking day for what seems like eternity to only see that wanker with his stupid sunglasses and zac efron hair telling me to come back tomorrow at 7am has done my head in.
Now that BM beat Aritz, does it mean that barrels are on again? I’m confused Lewis.
Re. commentators, what’s better for entertainment value, AI and Occy or this: ?
You guys should watch Aritz’ interview at tube8.com… english subtitles. He says the Quik team guy told him to let kelly get whichever waves he wanted. ‘Team orders’. Kelly got first pick but Aritz ‘accidently’ won! Not sure if i believe it…
I already knew you were going to say something like this about Aritz´s 9.77 wave… You don´t have my respect for your “work” Lewis. You are just writing bad things about europeans and brazilians all the time. USA is not the center of the universe my friend…Open your eyes&mind to the rest of the world.
lewis, you angry little man. you might just be spot on with this one. will be watching aritz for the rest of the year. he’s a good tube rider; surfing mundaka will do that to you on the lefts. any guesses as to where he’ll finish at the end of the year? on the flip side: he’ll never forget this contest and will prob be elected mayor of his village. nothing wrong with a guy being stoked when the planets line up!
Lewis, I agree 100% with you.
I swear I am not on the payroll of the asp but you have to give them a little credit.
Moving Brazil up to the 4th event was a great move. Now the tour heads down there with a little title race fever going instead of apathy and no shows galore. Given Taj and Mick’s track records there plus Adrianno’s current top ten ranking plus Jordy’s new school beachbreak act we are looking at some potentially exciting stuff.
How about Mick winning Brazil with Taj, Jordy and Bobby making the quarters or semis? How would it be going into J-Bay with Parko, Mick, Taj, Jordy and Bobby clumped together in the top five? And J-Bay pumps! Dude how about a final in 6 foot oil glass freight train Supers with ” doin it for the love not the money” Bobby laying tracks Tom Carroll could only dream of against either Parko or Mick?
And what about Kelly Slater? I say he mans up and heads down to Acaiville and wins that fucking contest! Cause think about it. Despite all the triumphs and accolades there is NOTHING that would ever compare to the feat of Slater showing some good old fashioned American will and coming all the way back and winning the world title after 3 17ths to start.
Lets say he makes the semis in Brazil and the semis in J-Bay. Then he would have 2 3rds and a 17th after throwing away the other 2 17ths. Then he freakin WINS TRESTLES in 6 foot mirror glass against Parko in a flipflop of their 04 final! Then they head to France with potentially the best 7 or so surfers in the world going at it for the crown like Lewis groveling with some smelly hippy chick back in Bolinas.
If pro surfing sucked as bad as all of you kooks on here suggest then why are you all watching every heat of every contest?
And yes it is 3:47 am right now and I am on my 3rd cup of coffee and my board is already waxed.
Super entertaining contest even though the surf was a bit marginal by that spots standards. All the pros seemed to have a good attitude and they all are smart enough that you can’t blame Luke for mother nature. I respect the heck of the tour right now. Any other sport(NBA, NFL, MLB,NHL) would of went Lord of the Flies after 2 weeks sitting around together. I loved Sunny’s surfing but remember how he acted towards Rabbit during one of the first Bong challenges at Gnaraloo? Lots of killer personalities, surfers, judges etc in the game right now. Mark was right about all of the wack armchair surf co. C.E.O. bickering yesterday, keep it simple, I had a few to many beers slacking off rest manager style and wrote some stupid shit on here last nite also. It’s easy to be a kook sometime. Early tropical funk already in the southeastern u.s. bzztch. Stoked!
Didn’t even read all of the killer stuff you just posted Mark. the tour is insane right now and the title is more up for grabs than it has been in decades. You know everyone is freaking right now after Parkos early exit. I bet Slater is jonesing to bring his new gear to Brazil where it will be THE perfect test track. Pretty exciting stuff, can’t wait and I heard them say there were 3 million on line yesterday? Unreal, I love it.
you’re absolutely right. Going off the top at Teahupoo is the challenge.
Hey Richbzztch,
Have you ever met that guy SmyrnaJeff? I here he rips Ponce.
P.S. Thanks for the kind words. I am having a chicken skin moment. And I swear it is not from smoking ice.
On to Brasil.
Trading Kelly for Jihad.
I meant hear not here. Same mistake in 2 days.
I agree with some of the things the article say. Kelly´s turn is incredible..but Aritz´s tube is also amazing. And Aritz does not make the rules and he is not scoring waves. He surfs. the best he can. And much better than all os us writting shit here.
Aritz alwayus has said that Kelly is his favourite surfer. And Aritz is a modest guy and a hard working boy. Why do you hate him like that?
You can say wathever you want but he eliminated Dane, Kelly; Damon and Withaker. los the semis with 15.oo points… give the boy his credit…
@Blasphemy Rottmouth 2:50am
I thought we had this conversation already… Resurrecting a tired copycat act is a sure way to lull everyone to sleep. You aren’t me, and it’s pretty easy to spot within the first few words. With your level of writing and entertainment value, you should try posting as Burrito, or Taco, or French Fry.
I would l,ike to see your writting level in spanish, basque or french…
FUCKING ANGLO!
THE JIHAD IS COMMING BACK!!!
@Burrito
fhdequifh9-34toph;qwd$^#%^@I9dbfh;ka!!!
Justin doesn’t need me
Jihad has been declared!
watch the video.
BR that tube8 post wasn’t cool. I lost my respect for you. The wife walked in and said something like ’so this is what you’re working on’ .. Postsurf time now cut in half idiot
@Yeahbro,
I didn’t click the link since I didn’t post it. Just some copycat asshat that was pulling the same tired stunt a few weeks ago. I apologize for the inconvenience.
Btw, is your wife hot?
Lewis, you’re right about the judging criteria, but please, watch more non-american surfing, for your own good. That way you’ll be much more fair analyzing world surfing. The facts: Aritz did a very good job and lost with an above average score. Kelly did a very good job (that one turn deserves at least an 8 by itself!), but lost with an above average score. It was Aritz’s day, as Slater himself told the crazy GT “thing”. The same way Parko lost. Not his day. And I don’t even like him, but I got to admit he’s good. Be fair! If you’re a Pro, don’t give us a Bro!
Frank Booth, legendary in his wimpiness.
200 hundered have any of these fuckers ever hit 200 comments holy shit great post Lewis
What’s up fellow tweets??? Eating black beans & rice & growing out my hot B. Martinez beard while watching broken Blue Crush DVD. Chirp me back!!!
So I get it. The ocean rules the day and it can’t always be perfect and hollow but answer this… Name the top waves in the world and all of them have epic tube sections right? Ask the top 45 what they would prefer. Five foot air/sick turn anywhere int he world or a 20 second tube/death pit? What makes surfing unique and different from skateboarding or wake etc… is spending time in the green room.
the difference between surfing and skating is water and cement. hey, even those Dog Town kids were pretending they were getting tubed by tree branches.
it’s the ripping that counts.
the big moves that most cannot ever attempt, let alone pull, are the X factor.
@ Perfect
Parsons was the kinda guy who “tapped” the lip. In those times, guys looked busy, but without any turns of consequence. Nobody wanted to surf like Parsons, but he hit the perfunctory notes.
Of interest, Gerlach smashed that pedestrian surfing with a bold, risky approach. The anti-Parsons.
20 years later, Parsons reinvented himself and Gerr with a new act. Credit due with his reincarnation, he found a niche’ to lead and is doing well, but his contest surfing was an exercise of consistency…… boring.
dino andino sounds like he has an IQ in the high single digits.
holy fucking shit that guy is inarticulate. i have no idea how blakey was able to listen that that dumbshit.
I agree with Samuels. If level of difficulty is a factor in the judging criteria, doing a turn like the one Kelly did–epecially on the section on which he did it–should be better rewarded.