The World Tour is a shakier tower than many of it's followers would like to believe. It always has been, really - the ramshackle brainchild of a handful of competitive motherfuckers who wanted to whip it out and see how they stacked up against each other. So they constructed subjective measures and called them objective; created whimsical rules and regulations and passed them off as logical bedrock.
Thirty-odd years down the line, and the World Tour is a loose confederacy of 45 surfers, three brands and one parent organization, all of whom are arguably on the path to financial ruin.
It's easy to kick a man when he's down. I should know - I do it all the time. But, if cornered, despite my misgivings with the current state of the ASP, I will still defend the concept of a World Tour. Why? Because it allows us to see what surfers do when they are cornered. Contests give us a glimpse of what these athletes are actually made of - what they can and cannot do when the pressure is on. Contests are artificial recreations of our Day of Reckoning - they are War Games. A chance to see who will step up, and who will perish.
So I will keep following competitive surfing, for now at least. Because without contests, professional surfers become a hybrid of models and pop stars - vaguely talented, stage-parented kids with a marketable image, based on good genes, good connections, and better management. The tour strips away at least some of the facade - allowing blond-haired, blue-eyed spoiled OC brats to get sorted out by mutant leprechauns like Mick Campbell and ghetto-born Star Wars rejects like Heitor Alves. This is a good thing.
So despite my issues with the over-scoring of easy barrels, I appreciate the fact that the ASP gives surfers like Aritz Aranburu and Jihad Khodr a chance to go to war. We make up rules, we live by them, and it allows us to see that true champions like Bobby Martinez have heart (just like Aritz has heart - he proved it.) Contests also peel back the surf industry curtain at least a little bit, revealing that some highly-touted, over-sponsored surfers are false idols.
Look for the Power Rankings over the course of the next week on PostSurf.
Human beings propensity to compete is a reflection of our selfish nature. True in free market economies, true in surfing.
Not always in support of the postings, but this one rings true.
Despite the shortcomings of professional surfing, at the end of the day, competition allows those who are without to step onto the same field of play as those who are with and be equals.
The global marketing machine can be disgusting at times (e.g. every single Billabong ad throughout the webcast), and the surfing world especially, but at least competition strives to offer some semblance of justice.
Congratulations Bobby, a true talent.
Would love to debate barrel scores over a few cold ones some time Mr. Samuels! Other than that, just wanted to say, I think you hit the nail on the head with this post! Long live the underdogs… they’ll eventually get their day! Can’t wait for the new Power Rankings (rantings?!?). Now, get drunk and get to work, Lewis!
What Lewis said. Chris Cote, good to have you back. Let’s have your account of the trip. I don’t feel like waiting 2 months until it’s completely irrelevant and reading it in tw.
I don’t like it when all of you “posters” criticize Chris Cote and Transworld. Transworld is a great surf magazine…FOR ME TO POOP ON!
fucking right i’m looking forward to the power rankings. the contest, the waves, disappointed a lot, as did the upsets, but it’s ten times more entertaining sharing different views about who did/said what on postsurf.com . . .
Absolutely agree. As I’ve said many times, the top 20% of guys at my local break pull at least a few moves a year that would easily make one of the vids. Could these same guys put two waves together at a WCT that score higher than a pro competitor? Doubtful. Every video should have a disclaimer: “Photo pro tried 7 air 360s before finally landing this one.” Or “Photo pro wasted 34 waves by pumping through sections to do one air.” If a guy can’t do it under the pressure of competition, he can’t do it other than by luck.
Also, competition is relevant to surfing b/c every guy in the line up is competing w/ everyone else out. If you’re not, then you probably aren’t that good.
BTW Taj was surfing better than anyone at Chopes. He was the only guy routinely busting out the fins on turns (turns that were absolutely sick & doing massive cutbacks after a barrel.
Are you saying I should have my Bron Heussenstamm tattoo removed?
No, Erik, I think he’s saying you just need to get a Mike Losness tat as well.
i like how ls has to point out how stupid his readers are after his heitor alves reference with, “this is a good thing.”
i hope he doesn’t think us all this dumb but rather our international friends and local rednecks who seem to be having trouble distinguishing satire from sarcasm.
Lewis, that photo says it all.
It always takes a Toto to pull back the curtains. And for doing so, the dog always gets kicked.
The curtain has been pulled. The ASP is on it’s last legs. As Warner Heisenberg discovered decades ago, It is inevitable.
Turn back now. Whatever you do,… Don’t read this link.
Embrace the horror.
So who got to samuels?
An obvious cave to some pressure from somewhere.
I like knowing that samuels has his pressure points signifying that this is truely not Unfiltered.
I thought you were being gratuitously harsh to Aritz in the last post. Imagine if he was some blond haired kid from Southern California — say Oxnard, for example — who is in all the surf magazines. For that one heat with Slater, he would have been touted as the next coming of Curren. Ridiculous, but how the image industry works. Aritz was playing by the rules and won, fair and square. Slater’s one turn was ridiculous, but he still lost. You made up for the earlier post… not that I wouldn’t read this site daily, even if you hadn’t.
Lewis, I agree with you wholeheartedly. This is similar to that whole Jimi Hendrix-is-God thing. If Yingwe Malmstein or Joe Satriani could go toe to toe with Hendrix in a Guitar-Off, we’d all see Hendrix for the Afro-d poser he is. What, you think you’re cool because you can play behind your back. Watch this flanged out lick on my Ibanez bro!
On that note, Dane Reynolds is NOT a false idol. Most exciting shortboarder to watch, right next to Slates. Explain?
Lol @ Shreddy Roosevelt.
Any comment referencing Yngwie is gold!
Shreddy Roosevelt did not just write that Hendrix is a poser. That’s a typo, right? If he did, he just wrote one of the stupidest things I’ve ever read & should not be allowed to listen to music b/c he clearly does not appreciated music.
Well said - the concept of a world tour is a great one, it’s the execution that sucks.
I love the idea of Brasileiros and Europeans (and Mexicans, Central Americans, and Japanese, if there were any) beating overrated athletic fashion models from the US and Australia making 100x their salaries in a competitive heat in a World Tour event.
That’s not popular with the companies who pay for the ASP tour, but it would make surfing much closer to a legitimate professional sport than what it is now -
These contests strip the veneer from the future candy coatings the mags fed us pre . Random affairs that don’t accurately reflect the cutting edge…. although they are approaching that level more each year and for that they deserve credit.
What is rad is being able to watch elite surfing in it’s entirety, not just a highlight reel of close edited glory.
How did the guy set up the tube, linked the sections, recovered from a hit….. the “finish” that all of us students crave because that polish represents our ( viewers ) best learning exercise. It’s inspirational and we can all experiment with those inspirations in our daily surfing.
The system is flawed and money will dictate conceptually, but the heat surfing is better than it ever has been and is a very compelling visual. School for the masses if they choose to learn.
Shreddy….it’s called progression. Hendrix broke open the floodgates of guitar playing that had not been seen at the time….
Pick anything else and there are credible comparisons to that… everything has progression.
Good post LS
Great insight as always Lewis. I just looked at the rankings, and you can get all 17’s and still be in 25th place. Does that mean under the new format top seeds could never win a heat and still be in the top 25 and qualify for the next years tour?
I agree with this post, but only because I feel that justice was served yesterday. Ironically, Bobby Martinez, perhaps the baddest mexican since Pancho Villa or the great bullfighter Carlo Arruza, rolled through the comp doing by doing exactly what Señor Aranburu did, picking the right waves and getting deep barrels. But anyone who watched yesterday can agree that watching Bobby Martinez gangster lean through a shack is worlds better than watching Aritz pig-dog a three footer. while watching the basque’s impressive tear, I, like many others, felt the need to scream and cry and shake my fists at the judges — how could they reward him for just getting barreled? But watching Bobby fade deep, then crank up under the chandelier on set wave after set wave helped me realize that, if done properly — that is to say, with ice in your veins and nails in your stair — the barrel is still one of the coolest moves in surfing. If Aritz had won, this might have been a very different post.
@BR- Glad you liked that! @Jim G- dude, I was kidding! Malmstein and Satriani are popcorn farts. I actually see Lewis’ point, but on the other side, progression sometimes leads to complete crap. I use music as a gauge with how I see surfing, because many of us can easily and often agree that some of the best bands in the world are not necessarily the best musicians. I think surfing is similar. The art of subtlety should not be downplayed. Wait, does that make sense? Don’t quote me on that.
Lol @ people who didn’t get Shreddy’s joke.
Shreddy: Thank God. Oh yeah, I don’t believe in God. The sad thing is Hendrix opened for the Monkeys & got booed so people are as stupid as the opinion in your post. Glad to see that you are not. (I can’t believe I’m actually procrastinating work posting on this site: I’ve got to get a life.)
@JimG - yes, pretty sad about that one. There was some talent in Michael Nesmith however. Did you know his mom invented white out? Coincidence?
@Ted,
hey holmes, Bob Martinez is an American, bro.
Music is math without the division.
Note of the day, B sharp.
It’s bee set in motion. There is no stopping it.
Uncertainty principle.
Embrace the horror.
Next month we’ll find out if ZQK is in financial ruin or not: US$73m debt payment in June and then a whopping US$550m comes due next year. At $50 ea, that’s 11m surf trunks.
yea, I thought about that. But with that crazy tat on his back, I couldn’t resist.
We, surf brands, rule the world!!!thank us for making the surf progress…you would not surf has good if we were not here
Stu, I honestly almost used Losness as my example.
He, too, is the next big thing…at least I think I heard that once.
My issue with the tour is i want to see the top 44 surf more. Not only is one round not enough, i’d like to see each guy surf multiple times. We get 18 holes of Tiger Woods, or 4 quarters of Lebron James. 30 minutes? Silly. I love watching these guys, so here’s a format idea, a la Bike Racing. Have 2 days where each guy gets an hour each day with 4 guys in the water at a time but not against each other–just getting scored. After 2 days, have a cut. Then go man on man with 1/2 the field. Feel free to advantage the top 16 in this somehow. But i want to see everyone surf a lot.
Question: How many of you really find Dane Reynold’s style attractive? Personally, I’m not a fan of the wave-my-arms-and-bend-my-knees-outward-real-weird-so-I-can-get-to-my-next-trick spastic flailing chimpanzee movements. Same reason I don’t like Julian Wilson’s surfing.
For some reason, the Billabong sponsored surfers (plus Bruce) are more aesthetically appealing to me. Clean lines, progressive turns, but without the epilepsy.
Adriano is a star and future world champion of surfing! Thanks for the ASP, of course.
Apparently Barca got into it with Adriano on one of the lay days. What the fuck is wrong with that guy? Too much poke as a kid or what? What can you possibly gain by punking a 4′6” Brazilian who seems to be nothing but smiles? Barca, is exactly the kind of human waste that gives the islands a bad reputation and causes poor Mark to spend hours rebutting fucked up, over the top insults that we hurl at the place he lives and the people who live there. (I’m probably as guilty as anyone….except Mike)
Here’s the link to the vid from the Stab if you want to see it:
The story does have a happy ending, as Adriano smoked Barca with ease. I was really impressed with Adriano’s surfing at Chopes. He still claims every maneuver (like all Brazos), but I was impressed with the power in some of his gouges. He’s gonna be a tough draw on his home turf this year.
Dustin Barca looks like that kid we all knew growing up. You know, the one that would stuff all the neighborhood pets inside a tube sock and start swinging until something wet came out.
Cocksucker.
MuckFark: Take a deep breath kid, it’s hard to read your writing when you get upset. Did you have a bad experience in Hawaii? Is that the cause of your angst toward Dustin Barca? Take Adriano’s cock out of your mouth for a second and rationalize; you’ve got 44 competitive guys going at it, and a little arguing is bound to occur. It’s natural, so don’t get so offended when your precious little DeSouza bites off more than he can chew.
And yeah he smoked Barca, too bad it was in half-foot windslop. Don’t hate Hawaiians cause we’re comfortable in the big stuff, while the rest of you shoulder-hopping pussies shit your pants in the channel. For someone who dislikes Hawaiians as much as you claim, you sure do like to talk about us…and you identify with Adriano? Smells like small-man syndrome to me
Blasphemy Rottmouth: Adriano DeSouza looks a bit like your gay little brother. You know, the one everyone would stuff their cocks into his throat and start stroking until something wet came out.
Boom
My gay little brother was the one that kept the eyeballs of his previous night’s victims inside his shirt pocket as keepsakes.
But that’s another story, for another time.
All I know is, the movie ‘Starship Troopers’ was actually a documentary about his daily life in his daycare. And when he sings, women excrete knotted hemp rope from their birth canals.
Let’s see an Islander pull that shit off.
Can’t match that, I will admit. However, as a newborn I did bite through my own umbilical cord. Apparently I was born with a mouth full of teeth, thick head of hair, and a six-inch cock.
Lazer,
You’re saying you were born as Samantha Ronson?
Since we’re all confessing here.
I am an equal opportunity haterist.
That dial tone you hear when you pick up the phone? That’s me… dying at birth.
And you can rest assured my friends, I am not Anglo. I am of mixed ethnicity. Part West Indian, part Charismatic Episcopalian, with a dab of cocker spaniel thrown in. I was born on the Northeast quadrant of Trafalmadore, where I reside as a local today.
My mother was a distant relative of Shub-Niggurath, if that helps.
The last two days of that contest was so fucking boring. Seriously, underdogs? Who gives a shit. Go watch a minor league baseball game and eat a hot dog.
As far as the Insult the comic dog joke goes … bravo, bravo, that was amazing (meant to me sarcastic)
@Lazer ….Barca must be disappointed when he pulls down your boardies to see that same little 6” snack he’s been getting since you were kids. Maybe that explains the gap in his teeth?
If you actually read my post you would realize that I was not talking shit about the islands, To the contrary, Hawaii is one of the most beautiful places on earth and the locals that exhibit true aloha spiirt only make it better. The only Hawaiians I have a problem with are the dipshit wanna be MMA fighters like Barca and Kala. Kinda funny coincidence that Barca also got into with some of the Aussies on the Gold Coast don’t ya think?
And no, I’m not short and I have never had any problems with anyone in Hawaii.
Blasphemy Rottmouth,
My long-held suspicion has just been confirmed with the blatant Vonnegut reference, and while I don’t share your penchant for description, I appreciate the literature nonetheless.
I do like some of Kurt’s work, but I’m much more of an H.P. Lovecraft type of person. Either way, we should all celebrate our collective ‘ether’!
MuckFark: Enough talk of my wang. Its prodigiousness is unmatched, and to talk of it in such disparaging terms only serves to enhance its perpetual glory. Remember, thick as your wrist and veiny; your wife ran in fright at first, then came back and pandered to me like I was a goddam petting zoo.
All: I am still interested in your fascination with Dane Reynolds; please enlighten me as to how you view him as a top-flight surfer when JamieO has had better contest results and Clay Marzo is at least as progressive. Discuss
PS: YOU ARE ALL READING THE WRONG SHIT! VONNEGUT, ROBBINS, AND HUNTER S THOMPSON ARE NOT THAT SPECIAL! STOP MENTIONING THESE HACKS UNTIL YOU’VE PROGRESSED PAST DR. SEUSS AND SHEL SILVERSTEIN!
That is all
Dane = on tour, JOB = at home. Contest results outside JOB’s front yard (despite the significance of that front yard) aren’t so hot.
@Erik - you also could have gone with the always popular, yet never proven, Benji Weatherly. A clown among boys who is growing more pathetic as each day passes.
@ Lazer - shit, I was just about to take on the handle of Alobar, but I guess that’s out. In that case, I’ll just go with Yertle the Turtle and try to be content with being the King of all that I see (not nearly as fun as living forever I’ll have you note). Just hope that stupid Mack can keep his burps down for a while…
Stu: Didn’t Dane’s best result come at Trestles? And he came in, what, 4th? 6th? JamieO has the rodeo flip too, and I haven’t seen Dane make one yet. I’m just sayin…
Beg to differ, Lazer, but if the top pros (slater, AI etc.) are giving Dane the nod, so will I. Besides, Cote’s mag has him as the hottest guy in surfing. What more do you want?
Lewis,
Yes I generally enjoy your posts, a little bit white boy suburban daddy gave me his credit card, but funny. Probably because I’m a white suburbanite like yourself…But really it feels like a little bit of sour grapes is creeping into your prose good sir….True editorial opinion has a balanced narrative which courses throughout it…Yours is beginning to fade…Your once valid criticisms are diminishing into a verbose diatribe..The tour has lots to answer for…OK we get it..You’re preaching to the converted….The institution of surfing has far bigger issue to reconcile itself with…can you name any of those and investigate them??? Need any hints???
Damo go fuck yourself.
Anyone else catch the Marcus Sanders interview? Didn’t know much about him, guess he’s editor in chief of Surfline.
I also don’t think Curren has the best style either. Dane though…squatty arm flappin air boy that guy. Whatevers.
I’m not knocking Jamie O’s style, but I think Dane has a special way of using his rails, creating speed like a sketchy urban meth lab, and exploding unpredictably like BR when he finds out he’s all out of mayonnaise. Dane is like a new Curren with that special somethin’ you can’t put your finger on, but perhaps without that same competitive drive. Still, he’s someone who is very fun to watch, perhaps more for the basics of surfing than for his aerial prowess which makes his talent indisputable–rodeo air or not.
the pro tour was better BEFORE webcasts. even though it was months after, i could read a contest article and at least imagine it being exciting. The webcast proves just how fucking BORING it is.
Umm Lazer Dane has got he rodeo/gorkin down. You never watched one of his sections?
This site has turned into a Samuels pole smoking contest.
Good job Samuels, you are now a caricature of yourself. You, along with your groupies here, are nothing more than a pack of bitter sounding critics.
I emailed you 9 months ago and told you that I felt that your power rankings were bringing something much needed to the sport, criticism, but the emphasis was the surfers, which made your criticism relevant - in fact, it made you relevant.
Now you’ve turned your guns on entities: the ASP & corporations. You aren’t kicking a man while he’s down here, you are kicking a brick around and laughing with your idiot friends about how funny it is. Attacking something that isn’t even real is a waste of time - and will soon make you irrelevant. You’ve got no credibility on these issues. What the fuck do you know about it? You show up to a few contests, managed to get fired from an innovative player, and now you style yourself as the whistle blower? You sound like a bitter little bitch.
Bitter because you now appear to attack anyone or anything that regards surfing as anything more than an easy target to be ridiculed.
The ASP and Corporations serve their purposes - they dont exist to advance the interests of outsiders, or of something as useless as ‘the surfing community,’ the nebulous world you purported to champion in your embarrassing hustle with Surfline and its sponsors. These enterprises exist to advance the interests of the top surfers in the world by showcasing their talents and making money for their stakeholders, respectively.
The tour sucks because the waves suck. That’s a fixable problem. Stop being a douche about it and start making suggestions - mobilize this community of disillusioned heels and start putting together proposals. If you dont care, then post about that about which you do care: ie, something relevant. If you do care, stop being part of the problem by making the organizations the subject of sustained ridicule.
If you are going to pick targets, at least pick targets people care about. At least create some room for disagreement - otherwise you are going to be left with what you’ve managed to create here: an ‘I-agree-with-you-completely, LS’ zone.
Where the fuck are you going with this - are you planning to start a commune or a cult of LS somewhere in French Guiana cause these mother fuckers on postsurf are drinking cool aid big time.
What a waste you are - a nihilist dressing yourself up as a serious person.
Get your shit together and either suggest how these entities can advance their interests more efficiently or start talking about the surfers themselves - its the only reason anyone here gives a shit about you in the first place.
@dave t
Hear the silence? Hear the crickets chirping? That’s everyone, the Samuels pole smoking, bitter sounding critics not giving a fuck about your opinion.
There are so many holes in your argument that it’s hard to know where to begin. But thanks for at least having paragraph breaks between contradicting yourself.
Fake lazer @ 4:35 PM: I’m flattered, but leave this to the pros.
Fake PeterPerfect@6:03 too. Go fuck yourself loser.
I’m sorry Dave T, that Lewis isn’t catering to your fragile wittle psyche. And I’m so sorry, that you hurt by our wittle bit of fun here. But, you know what, once you’re weened on mommies milk, maybe you can come back and join the big boys.
Until then, good luck fucking the empty skulls of the vapid surf community elsewhere.
Cockswaddle.
@lazer, actually it is me i don’t know what the fuck is up with you.
PS: you forgot to add Hemingway to your list before. After Death in the Afternoon, it’s all downhill.
I do think there’s an echo in here… but that doesn’t mean I still can’t spell. Damn this blogging system and its inabilities to allow a preview or a ‘delete’ option once we’ve posted.
Takes the wind right out of a pious diatribe; like the drivel I flatulated at 6:46.
@dave T
its been awhile since i’ve commented on a post but this one I knew i had to chime in. i was struggling with exactly how to put it but upon reading your post i decided you hit it the nail on the head.
Full LS slarb fest/look at me I’m smart/ maggot’s who probably suck at surfing barnfest
I’d like to see more insight from people who are eduacated on the subjects instead of some weird literary popularity contest
@Dave T.
I’m sorry you threw up all over our playground. Do you feel better now? ‘Cause it smells like you ate something very very bad.
PS, I am SO glad to hear that shitty waves are a fixable problem. Anyone want to buy my funboard?
@nealdude
I’ll offer new readers a handy translation of your comment:
ORIGINAL:
“its been awhile since i’ve commented on a post but this one I knew i had to chime in. i was struggling with exactly how to put it but upon reading your post i decided you hit it the nail on the head.
Full LS slarb fest/look at me I’m smart/ maggot’s who probably suck at surfing barnfest
I’d like to see more insight from people who are eduacated on the subjects instead of some weird literary popularity contest”
TRANSLATION:
“It’s been awhile since I’ve commented because last time I commented, some meanies heckled me for being a 22-year-old Santa Cruz kid who acts like a 40-year local tough guy regulator. But I’m hoping no one remembers that so I’m linking through to my craptastic blog in which I suck on the shriveled gonads of various SC meth heads.
I’m struggling with exactly how to make a point, because I’m an uneducated retard.
I really hope that these other people suck at surfing, because if they’re kooks then I won’t feel as stupid for being, like, stupid. And stuff.
I’d like to see more insight from people who are eduacuted on being an uneducated fucking moron local wannabe, because these literary references are making me uncomfortable.”
Hope that helps.
@nealdude
The fact that you actually call yourself ‘nealdude’ and link to a blog where you call yourself ‘nealdude’ is frightening enough. The fact that you don’t know the difference between a ‘post’ and a ‘comment’ doesn’t help either. And to top it off, you think you’re a fucking writer, but you can’t spell and think ‘grammar’ is that wrinkly old woman you have to visit with mommy. You need to get ‘eduacated’.
Lord help any editor that has to deal with your trash.
So what are you bringing to the table, exactly, Einstein?
Not to Dogpile or anything,
But Neildude and Dave T:
So, Lewis Samuels posts some pics. Then makes some funny and / or incisive comments. Then there’s a comment thread. Folks log in, make more funny comments, and laugh at other comments. Good lord, you’re right; we’ve been doing it all wrong. Your formula (heckle, scavenge, lurk and snark) would be much better. Except if we all did that it wouldn’t work. We can’t all be lampreys and hagfish; what would we feed on?
You DO understand that as this week’s resident dickweeds, you are a living internet cliche, right?
This is the only comment surfing related thread I’ve ever bothered to visit, but I’ve seen your type come and go for two years now. You can’t contribute, so you just tear down.
Here’s an epiphany for you: Satire minus wit is simply derision; sarcasm minus intelligence is simpy disparagement. And tiresome heckling plus low self-esteem is just another internet troll.
If you can’t stand the camaraderie in the comment threads, just read Lewis’ posts and leave, bug nuts.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have several fellow poster’s cocks to suck.
Nealdude, I am totally eduacated on subjects. So is Ballz, he’s also very knowledidgible, you can just tell. Plus what’s wrong with a barnfest? Sometimes when you just gotta get with livestock, you might as well start the party in the right place.
@ Nealdude
You ever hear of dumpster diving? People would sift through a rubbish bin behind a computer co. looking for valuable ribbons and stuff. That is what it is like trying to find an educated, insightful pro surfing comment on here. Do yourself a favor and just go straight to my comments next time.
@dave t
Can you tell Lewis I like GRAPE kool aid. Not the other flavor.
And ask if I can bring my dog down to Samuelstown with me.
thanks
@Peter:
An astonishingly ineffective retort.
@Black’s Slacks:
Fixable problem for the top surfers in the world, not for children in their playgrounds.
Permit me to expand your horizons. The Search event has the right venue selection format - now they need merely to establish a timing analogue.
@Blasphemy:
You’re famous, d00d. You are the world’s expert at typing a whole bunch of crap without ever actually saying a damned thing worth a moment’s thought.
@Dudley Poor
Sorry, didn’t see your translation of nealdude’s heartfelt comment before I hit send. Nicely deconstructed.
By that I mean, LOLZ, pwned etc. god, why do i fucking bother.
You know Dave T, rather than criticising us for ‘not saying anything worth a damn thought,’ why don’t you offer something of substance yourself here?
Or, are you trying to be ironic, by posting your own meaningless drivel in a vain attempt to criticize someone else’s forum?
Why don’t you start your own shitty blog so you can have zero followers with zero impact.
You are the epitome of internet nothingness.
oh god, i think I’m getting sucked in.
no pun intended.
maybe we should go back to heckling Dave T after his machine-gun like, astonishingly effective retort.
@dave t
You gave yourself away when you called Surfline an “innovative player.”
Do you work for Surfline, the ASP, Billabong, or are you simply a moron?
Is it stockholm syndrome? Did Sean Collins touch you in your special place during one of his “groms attack” photo shoots at Barra? Is that why your tongue is firmly stuck in his innovative anus? Does calling him innovative make you feel like it was consensual?
Poor boy.
@Blasphemy:
That’s rot. LS was making a positive impact before he went psycho and blew it.
If I give you the benefit of the doubt, I assume you’ve been taken aback by my more or less serious tone. Otherwise you’ve had noted two things: first, that what LS did at Surfline was fundamentally different from his current content. Previously, he made good-natured criticisms about professional surfers. It was patently tongue in cheek stuff that everyone laughed about. Now he’s expanded his range: from humorous sniping of relevant personalities or performances to broadside attacks on the ASP and corporations. Its sour grapes that those of us with perspective recognize. Second, I specifically criticized LS (and his subscriber nabobs, if any) for doing precisely what you now accuse me of: tearing down in lieu of contributing - attributable to incapacity. If this irony isn’t lost on you perhaps you might examine whether your petty espousal of social Darwinism is appropriate given the frequency, nature, and creepiness of your participation on this obscure interweb site.
Of course! They need merely to establish a timing analogue…it’s so simple! Every contest from now on will have epic surf…Angry Dave, you are a genius. Please start your blog immediately and rock the Web real hard!
Angry Dave does make a point about LS’s “embarassing hustle” … It was actually captured on film, sad to say:
I’d recognize those slacks anywhere.
One last question: if
Hey Dave T we need to shorten it up a little next time buddy. Maybe simplify it a little too.
@dave t
Really, I just couldn’t be bothered, that’s why it wasn’t a retort. See: “not giving a fuck about your opinion”. And then look up ‘comprehension’ in the fucking dictionary. It’s clear you’re in the surfing industry, surrounded by morons and that makes you think that you’re smart. Whatever.
Anyway, I’m off to adjust my “timing analogue”. It’s been fun, but I have a plane to catch and places without decent Internet to explore, so I’ll bid my farewells. BR, lazer, Mark, etc, it’s been fun to comment on a site about surfing that’s not fully populated by barely literate douchebags. We all love surfing, but that doesn’t mean that we have to speak like Jeff Spicoli.
Perhaps I’ll be back commenting around Brazil time. Later guys.
PS: I’m not Lewis, JOB. And beware fake PPs. The real one has flown the coup for now.
So Dave T. You’ll have made the astute observation by now, that I never commented over at Surfline, and I don’t comment on other shitty surf blogs. I like what Samuels is doing here. As do many others. You may notice the steep comment count on most of his postings. It don’t take no rocket scientist to figure out where you stand. I suggest you re-read my comment about the whole internet troll thing. Might open your mind to a few ‘realities.’
(Opening the door)
You know the way out. If you decide to stay, just know that you’ll be slogging uphill through a shitstorm of verbal pancakes.
I’m going to get some grub. I’ll be back later.
Did PeterPerfect just quit? WTF??!!!
Last question cancelled. Enough said. G’night Angry Dave.
Angry Jealous Dave.
heh heh.
I’m not criticizing his forum except insofar as I deemed necessary to criticize his message.
I’m not shooting the messenger, unlike you.
I have no interest in starting a blog to build up some half-assed cadre of internet “followers,” to use your word. Similarly, I’m unfazed by the prospect of being, in fact, internet nothingness.
As for zero impact - I’ll just say that society puts sufficient demands (and value) on both my time and energies that I don’t allocate much of either to internet sites that furnish little in the way of useful information.
I come here because I enjoyed LS’s color commentary from surfline. That was humor. I posted here because I think he’s taken a wrong direction. This site has turned to rank negativity. Sure, it will keep venomous, self-absorbed pricks like you around, but it’s going to get old fast and he’ll find he’s squandered a lot of good-will.
@ dave t
Eat a dick and go back to milfhunter.com
Dave T - in all seriousness, LS dabbles in bullshit here, but he’s on the spot for a daily thought. Surfline was a once-in-a-while thing. His power rankings are better than ever.
Now, go fuck yourself. Hey, for once, I think Mark and I are on the same side!
Dave T has one valid point that merits attention. I think even Lewis would agree there is a bit too much reverence for his opinions and not enough critical thinking. Perhaps Lewis needs to parody some of us commentators as well.
So, I recognize some truth in that comment, Dave T. I am setting the cool aid down and cancelling the flight to French Guiana…for the time being anyways.
After that you lose me. You turn on Samuels because you say he is bitter. Read through your post and tell me who is bitter. I presume that is because you don’t like people talking negatively about corporations or the ASP. Either that or you feel slighted because Lewis didn’t bother responding to your email you sent 9 months ago. I also presume that since you criticize Lewis for not having any credibility as an outsider, that you are in fact an insider.
Listen here insider. We are not kicking bricks. You see, although a corporate entity itself is a fiction, the people who comprise the corporation, including its officers who make decisions for it, are real. And, bear with me here, those people do not always have the good of all of us (the nebulous surf community) in mind. In fact, they may not even have the good of the corporation in mind. And I venture to say far more of us give a fuck about what is good for the nebulous surf community than what is good for Billabong, Von Zipper, Quicksilver, or even the ASP.
Don’t kid yourself that nobody cares. Have you turned on your television or read a newspaper in the last year? Nobody cares about CEO salaries, huh? Or bailout bonuses?
The surf industry is no exception. There have been many fuckwitted decisions by the corporations and the ASP. They should be, and thanks in part to Lewis, are now the subject of legitimate criticism.
But what I really don’t understand is why you thought to post this now considering Lewis essentially commented on the value of the ASP despite its imperfections. Plus, he recently wrote a post advising that the sponsors are not the real problem.
Nevertheless, I welcome your remarks and look forward to future posts. I would challenge you to explain how Lewis is part of the problem by making organizations the subject of sustained ridicule. Are the poor organizations suffering because of our simple little comments? Are they that fragile?
Dudley Poor and Peter Perfect.
I just read through most of these comments a moment ago.
When I read Nealdudes, I wished I had been around to chime in. But then I read yours, excellent. I didn’t even finish reading the rest; had to give credit.
@Mark,
Seriously, I am on the road for a couple of months from tomorrow as society puts sufficient demands (and value) on both my time and energies and I probably won’t have time to enjoy the fuckery that is this blog. Good luck with your job/moving etc, it’s been fun sparring with you.
In the words of the brilliant Angry Jealous Dave, the Important Industry Insider, “I’m unfazed by the prospect of being, in fact, internet nothingness.”
I think I’ll have that, in fact, put on my tombstone.
@Erik, Ballz, Stu, catch you later guys!
Angry Dave:
Not shooting the messenger, just calling him a little bitch, douche and waste.
Not criticizing the forum, just calling everyone in it mother fuckers, pole smokers and “heels” (that one really hurts).
No one’s following anyone here…we’re interacting. With a surprising amount of respect. Which you so far lack.
milfhunter, for reals?
hahaha it’s funny I never called anyone out in particular but some of the guys who I was thinking of responded.
Hate to burst your bubble, but yah I am educated, actually with a degree in history from UCSC. sorry I don’t spell check or make drafts of my comments. Plus i get super baked before i surf the web so that probably factors in there as well.
All of this stuff about how shitty and retarded my writing is doesn’t irk me the least. I have a blast writing and I’ve gotten quite a bit of good feedback. I also get paid to write as well, something I doubt the majority of people who comment on this site can claim.
I thought Dave T had a great point. I’m sorry I disturbed your “camraderie” by backing him and offering a couple of insults that obviously struck a nerve.
NEALDUDE WUZ HERE
Oh YEAH!!!!!!!!
Oh YAH!!!!!!!!!!!
Edauacted!
Vaya con Dios, PeterPerfect.
Ban Dave T!!!!!!!!!
enjoy the ride, PP.
Oh no you didant.
I wonder if Dave T is unfazed by the prospect of being a complete douche bag.
Dustin Barca. Slowly devolving into the Denis Rodman of the ASP. Not long until he’s sported a dress, rambling on in unintelligible drivel for our entertainment.
That missing tooth makes it that much easier to down the Hillbilly heroin and Jager.
Next in line to be crowned pro surfing’s new swillbilly.
PeterPerfect: It appears I have a Mini-Me who uses the same name; the comment aimed at you was written by him. I agree with your line of thinking here wholeheartedly.
To those of you who might confuse Fake lazer with lazer (me): A simple peruse of the comment’s grammatical legibility and diction should be adequate to put your minds at ease. Putting it simply, look for comments with substance and a decent command of the subtleties of the English language. If I’m not sauced, it will be easy to spot the impostor.
Dave T: Without thoughtful contribution, your comments here are no better than the blog you claim to despise. In fact, they are of less worth: Lewis Samuels has at least put forth a website, while you have done nothing more than disparage it.
nealdude: I would hesitate before I boasted to the PostSurf populace of my degree from the illustrious school of drug-addled hippies taking classes in barns (literally barns! the school looks like a fucking farm) that is UCSC. And history?!? Give it up my friend, you are in well over your head. I once ate a history textbook, then shit it out and handed it to my professor for a grade. And I passed.
Fuck. I couldn’t do it. I drank the purple Kool Aid and am now typing from my blackberry on a plane headed straight for French Guiana. PP, what time does your flight arrive? Who the fuck is picking us up? When does the animal sex begin?
so where did you graduate from Lazer?
lazer, why do you seemingly prefer thoughtful comments/opinions over just plain old comments/opinions?
Princevillebilly: I’m an equal-opportunity comment reader; I was just making a delineation between myself and the person who occasionally posts with my name. I enjoy all comments of all shapes and sizes, be they informed or not.
nealdude: I didn’t go to college; I graduated from the worst high school on the Big Island and read my way out of the slums. You know reading can really get you places; I suggest you try it sometime.
But if I had to choose, I’d take medicine at Northwestern, law at Yale, architecture at Stanford, English at Oxford, physics at MIT, and sex-ed from ya mutha. ZING!
@lazer, the REAL lazer,… cheers!
Man, what I wouldn’t give for a slice of bacon right now. One drink and a bag of peanuts! Are you fucking kidding me? And if the guy in front doesn’t quit banging his seat into my knees I’m going to break out the sledgehammer I stowed in the overhead bin when the Department of Homeland Security wasn’t looking. I wonder if he’ll find it more difficult to extend his shoulder blades into the seat with a bludgeoned head. Please, PLEASE keep talking about where you all went to school. Anything’s better than this godforesaken conversation which I’m literally stuck in the middle of. Yes, we all know that waterboarding brown people saves lives and ensures our freedom.
@Ballz, Thanks for reminding me that I upgraded to business.
@lazer
you claim that you “read your way out of the slums” and used this love for reading to “get places”
where is this place your at? How is it better then the place I’m at? I’m loving this place thank you very much
Reading. Suggesting here that everyone try it.
BTW, Happy memorial Birthday to Honore De Balzac. Observer of detail, voracious reader, realist, and independent thinker extraordinaire.
“All humanity is passion. Without passion, religion, history, novels, art would be ineffectual”.
-Honore de Balac
sorry, Balzac
It’s unlikely that this letter will win me many friends or even garner much attention. However, writing it is the only way I know to supply the missing ingredient that could stop the worldwide slide into fogyism. What follows is the story of how Dave T can be so rich in the rhetoric of democracy and yet so poor in its implementation. Even without making an ethical argument against libertinism, I can show that he can make no claim to a distinguishing talent of any kind. Which brings us to the harsh reality that must be faced: He has been trying to convince us that people are pawns to be used and manipulated. This pathetic attempt to dump effluent into creeks, lakes, streams, and rivers deserves no comment other than to say that I am hurt, furious, and embarrassed. Why am I hurt? Because if we don’t carry out the famous French admonition, écrasez l’infâme!, against Dave’s ebullitions, our children will curse us in our graves. Speaking of our children, we need to teach them diligently that Dave would have us believe that he is a bearer and agent of the Creator’s purpose. Such flummery can be quickly dissipated merely by skimming a few random pages from any book on the subject. Why am I furious? Because just the other day, some of his amateurish satraps forced a prospectus into my hands as I walked past. The prospectus described Dave’s blueprint for a world in which surly varmints are free to make perverted toughies out to be something they’re not. As I dropped the prospectus onto an overflowing wastebasket I reflected upon the way that Dave doesn’t want us to know about his plans to commit confrontational, in-your-face acts of violence, intimidation, and incivility. Otherwise, we might do something about that. And why am I embarrassed? Because if he had his way, schools would teach students that ebola, AIDS, mad-cow disease, and the hantavirus were intentionally bioengineered by purblind nudniks for the purpose of population reduction. This is not education but indoctrination. It prevents students from learning about how there is no such thing as evil in the abstract. It exists only in the evil deeds of evil people like Dave.
Stinking, manipulative curmudgeons generally believe that Dave has no intention to create a new cottage industry around his supercilious form of hedonism but Dave’s often-quoted opinions belie this notion. Although he markets himself as a high-concept, change-the-world do-gooder, the last time I told Dave’s adulators that I want to protect our peace, privacy, and safety they declared in response, “But the federal government should take more and more of our hard-earned money and more and more of our hard-won rights.” Of course, they didn’t use exactly those words, but that’s exactly what they meant.
Dave always demands instant gratification. That’s all that is of concern to him; nothing else matters—except maybe to fuel the censorship-and-intolerance crowd. I tell you this because if Dave truly believes that war is peace, freedom is slavery, and ignorance is strength, then maybe he should enroll in Introduction to Reality 101.
One wonders how Dave can complain about repressive pantywaists given that his own agendas also aim to shock and stampede the public into accepting total fascist tyranny. You can sum up his methods of interpretation in one word: insane. Even if our society had no social problems at all we could still say that he seizes every opportunity to kill the goose bearing the golden egg. I cannot believe this colossal clownishness. Any sane person knows that we mustn’t be content to patch and darn, to piece and cobble at the worn and rotten fabric of Dave’s scornful apologues. Instead we must listen to others.
In many ways, there is a simple answer to the question of what to do about Dave’s imprecations. The difficult part is in implementing the answer. The answer is that we must respond to Dave’s put-downs. Dave’s warnings are becoming increasingly vulgar. They have already begun to trade facts for fantasy, truth for myths, academics for collective socialization, and individual thinking for group manipulation. Now fast-forward a few years to a time in which they have enabled Dave to fabricate all sorts of patronizing ad-hoc rules and regulations. If you don’t want such a time to come then help me embrace diversity. Help me improve the lot of humankind. Let me end this letter by challenging my readers to investigate the development of masochism as a concept. Are you with me, or with the forces of immoralism and oppression?
Fuck you, and all that you love.
Nealdude’s comments stink like Hulk Hogan’s ex-wife’s purple-and-black turkey-wattle-of-a-labia.
Ye gods man, wake-de-fuggup!
Bon Voyage, Peter Perfect,
And your buddy Erik’s comments smell like Ghandi’s left sandal after it was pulled through a rotten manatee carcass.
I once brushed my teeth with three gallons of Ukranian tooth-tartar…
… and then spit it in some dip-shites gaping mouth!!
Ohhh, but how’e loved it. Neal n’ Dave… gallant romeos waint they?!
‘Nuther pint bahtendah!!
Assphlegmy Rotmouth said:
“Shit, Erik, if you’re going to post brilliance like that all day, I may as well go stick my dick in a cookie jar…”
I don’t always have the time “to post brilliance”, nor do I hold such ill will toward the cookie jar demographic.
@ Shreddy Roosevelt:
The difference between Joe Satriani and Hendrix is talent. That’s why in 50 years people will still be talking about Jimi Hendrix and will have no clue about Satriani, “guitar-off” (whatever the fuck that is) or not. Richie Collins and Tom Curren had a surf-off once. Collins won. Does anybody give a shit about Richie Collins now?
Luuooks like Neal n’ Dave’ll scurry off about they own business eh!? Go aft ye underlings; n’ gamble n’ get drunk, and fuck jackrabbits ‘cuz the ears are easy to hang on to.
We’ll march right along withoutchee.
Erik once smeared my cardigan on the bloody nub of Heather Mill’s leg and wore it to an ugly sweater Christmas Party hosted by Sir Paul McCartney…
… and that’s why I love you… mütherfuckér!
If it’s any consolation Erik,
I wear sock suspenders made from prepubescent aborigine goiters and abalone shells.
@ Shreddy Roosevelt:
Seems I missed a few of the intervening comments. Thanks for the clarification Shreddy. But for chrissakes leave Jimi out of it.
And it is worth saying that Ghandi’s sandal is 100% taint of untouchables, aged 74 days in rose water and Victoria Bitter. The lower caste is prized for such flesh.
Mighty, too, the aforementioned Manatee. It passed away only after reigning for forty days and forty nights over each Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva in a punishing Trichechus manatus interpretation of the Kama Sutra. This, also, after surviving its long exodus from the Everglades, in which it fed on the manna-like ejaculations of Aritz Aranburu, which poured down from the heavens.
The tens of Billabong Pro webcast viewers saw only flailing arms and horribly awkward kick-outs, totally ignorant that these benevolent gestures sustained a gifted and blessed copulating sea cow, at least until its tragic death.
@Ronald Nixon,
You may want to read through a few posts before tapping out a comment. Shreddy was making a ‘joke.’ I know, from the comments of some people like Nealdude and David T., it may not always seem like a joke is possible here, but there you have it.
And to those uptight ferret fellators: ‘D fuck you talkin’ bout??? You don’t like the direction Lewis is going? Ohhh, boo fuckin’ hoo. Go wallow in the glory of lil’ weeds if you need your preschool knob sucked clean.
Disheah be good times…
And fuck me for missing Ronald’s born-again moment!
Allelujah!
@Blast, i’m with you.
FREEDOM!
now get your arse over to the MDVX.OB message boards on Investorvillage, and Yahoo.
give them stock pumping, criminal intent, individualism and critical thinking oppressors some of your PostSurf good vibes!!!
that Mark says:
God Bless!
It’s been thirteen days…
’bout time for Mark to lament the unacknowledgement of his Borat’s sister narrative.
Scary that we both thought to bring Mark into this cesspool at about the same moment.
I will now take a Crying Game-esque shower for being so momentarily like minded.
@Erik,
Quiet… I’m patiently waiting; hand ‘ponst my throbbing staff - ready for those warbled words to dribble from his nervous lips onto my seizuring lap.
… Does that make me…
…No way…
… really?
Assphlegmy,
You have rather routinely included manatees into your demented digressions.
I hope to find your explanation tomorrow when I check this site at work. What is your history with the innocuous sea cow?
As you may well know, me brother, that manatee oil can lather the labouring bubblegum flaps of Star Jones to the hairless lustre of a newborn pygmie seal’s taint. But, I digress mate.
I fergat wast I wasth sayin’.
@Erik,
Let me step up to the plate before I ponder packing for a flight where I have a 40kg allowance followed by a flight with a 20kg allowance. Such is the life of the jetsetting PeterPerfect. But I digress. Now to the story of Blasphemy Rottmouth and the sea cow.
BR was born into the Mulgana mob, an Aboriginal tribe that frequents the beautiful area surrounding Monkey Mia, in Western Australia. His Aboriginal name is actually ‘drink ‘em down’, a tribute to his ability to be able to ferment small berries found as ‘bush tucker’ in his mouth during a six hour fermentation period. These days he would describe this flavour as somewhat like gin, as the small red berries tasted like juniper berries, in the Dutch tongue called ‘geniver’ or gin. Hence his fondness for dirty martinis, the aroma of which takes him back to his youth.
Yes, BR spent his youth swimming with the sea cows, with whom he formed a special relationship. As they nibbled on the seagrass that is so prolific in the region, he would drunkenly tickle their delicate bits. His advances were welcome, as the sea cows would then inform the local dolphins to make them jealous – as this special treat was illegal for them – due to combination of over-friendly German tourists and the wonder of YouTube.
After securing a grant to study the mating habits of the local sea cows, BR had to leave Monkey Mia (oddly enough, there are no monkeys in Australia) and referring to manatee in his musings takes him back to a simpler time, when a roadkill kangaroo meant ‘tail stew’ for dinner and America was still a land of opportunity.
Blasphemy Rottmouth. Blasphemy Rottmouth. Blasphemy Rottmouth.
Dave T’s ass.
Ok guys. I quit postsurf. I’m changing my name to Milfman. See you next post amigos
thank god. that guy is a tool.
very nice lewis keep doing your thing
If you have nothing to do, don’t do it here…
Lazer is a moron.
I just wrote the same concept as lazer has in this thread with 10,000 less words.
One last thing: FUCK YEAH BOBBY!
Dude can surf hollow lefts, and has a soul too. (”I don’t surf for the money”) Fuck yeah!
WTF Dave T. and NealDouche??? I may not be able to spell my own name right, coming from the NBA that’s no biggie, but at least I’m not as dumb as these two.
@ Dave T. here’s to offering a solution - do the world a favor and kill and yourself.
@BR. Just read the rantifesto. Your KoolAid is more special than ours.
kill and yourself. fuck!!! i’m going back to basketball . . .
I’d surf for money though. Any takers?
But I don’t know if I’d exploit surfing for money. Maybe Angry Dave can write another logically challenged, expletive and cliche-ridden essay telling me why I should.
In the just completed Tahiti contest, the most interesting point that many missed, A Mexican just slapped his Burro.
In fact Taj is everyone’s Burro.
It is really beginning to show, and even he feels it. Taj. The Rodney Dangerfield of profession surfing.
@ tony kookcoach
I quit and myself
@ Erik
That Borat’s sister story was really funny. It is just that you people would rather laugh at B.R. talking about Manatees with 7 cocks between their taint and their…. oh forget it. I can’t even pretend to be that idiot.
Mark,
You are good to have on this site.
That story, as I said to you once before, was overlooked ’cause Assphlegmy and I were battling at the time.
Maybe it’s the teacher in me, but I’d rather see you write another funny piece than refer back to the other. You found it funny, that means you can do it again.
(please forgive the sentimentality)
The blog/comments have become an Interweb version of Lord of the Flies…
Kind of…maybe…sort of….okay maybe not, but you get my point….maybe.
Power Rankings !
Power Rankings !
We Want Power Rankings !
the teeny waves at Teahupoo did not provide enough entertainment.
We Want Power Rankings !
P.S. God some of you guys talk an awful lot about your winky’s.
Who’s piggy?
Pre-Power Rankings Boredom Killing Exercise. Surfer/Musician Analogies. I’ll start:
Mick Fanning = Joe Satriani. That one’s obvious.
Hobgoods = Skynyrd.
Stedman = Katy Perry
…
WOW! Dave T and Nealdude have been cock-whipped into submission. Very entertaining stuff. I don’t have the heart to whip out my huge meatwhistle. They’ve had enough. Nice work boys.
Blasphemy Ballsackinmouth,
Do you really sit around all day and comment over and over? Go do something you mental midget fuck tard.
Hard Santa Cruz Local = Meatloaf
Moving ahead to the power rankings, does Slater fall to last if he quits the tour now? Big baby…
Damn, I can’t believe I almost read a 1/5th of all the above. I need to get a clue(GAC). Lots of semi relevant two sides to everything surf shit though. Come on Power Rankings or some descent Mark pro tour input.
Hard Cruz Santa Cruz Local = Conundrum
Slater = Bob Dylan
And the comments from midnight on were from someone who likes to use my name… but I’m sure you could tell.
This is retarded.
i love brazzos!
@Black’s Slacks
Arritz Arranbru = Gypsy Kings
taj burrow = george michael
Gabe Kling = Paula Abdul
mick cambell = annie lennox
Hard Cruz Santa Cruz Local = Gangster Westside Thug.
Blasphemy Rottmouth= My butthole
adriano de souza = ricky martin
Dave Rastovich = Neil Young (w/o the Mermaid fetish)
Gabe Kling and Nate Curran = The Dead Kenny G’s
lewis samuels = jello biafra
chris cote = sporty spice
blasphemy rottmouth = GG Allen
@Lazer–just to let you know, that is not me posting as you. Last week I mentioned that I am the real Lazer because it is one of my many nicknames. So, to the d-bag who posts as you, get your own fake identity!
Kai Otton = Sammy Hagar
blasphemy rottmouth = GG Allen
Perfect analogy. Drinking my filthy diariah puddles that I spray all over the toilet.
CJ and Damo = Devo
@ Richbzztch
Sorry bro. I gave all I had the past few comments plus I am really fried from the last 2 days of surfing. 6 foot north swell Tuesday and a 4 foot north yesterday with hot and sunny conditions plus I was off work both days. I am toast.
How were these past 2 basketball games? Talk about competitive thrillers! Although I am impressed with the Magic and their tremendous comeback I feel that Lebron is going to stand and DELIVER for the remainder of the series. Maybe Slater should be taking notes from Kobe and Lebron.
Hey Mike. I miscalculated my fs ranking. I actually improved and am currently studying all available footage of the top 44 in beachbreak conditions. Looks like we have a shot at the Ments after all.
Nic Muscroft = Who the fuck is Nic Muscroft?
Chris Ward = Vince Neil
Bede = Will Smith
Andy Irons = Amy Winehouse
Occy & GT = Scissor Sisters
Mark, about fs,
Are you currently in the top 15? Top 5?
I’d like to know who I’m competing with for my boat trip.
Hey Erik,
If I continue to spell your name correctly, will you invite me on your winning boat trip?
@ Mark, fucking win this thing dude…. Taj is gold in Brazil. Looking for sales reps, clean cut Christian Republicans…..
Taylor Knox = Roadie
Heitor Alves = Security
Nathaniel Curran = Production Assistant
Kekoa Bacalso = Craft Services
Dustin Barca = Backup Dancer
High enough for you to be VERY concerned Erik.
@ Mike
I catch you checking out Erik again you are going to get a Kahuku backhand blast that will put Slater’s little lip tap to shame. I don’t put up with cheatin boat bitches brah. You wanna jump ship and slurp Erik’s shriveled raisin testicles ( thanks MuckFark) ? Try it and see what happens.
Joel Parkinson = The Guy from Maroon 5
Epic Laker lost last night. Jennie Bus (sp?) celeb 75 twitter post per hour jinx bzztch.
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