Josh Kerr
Tahiti Result: 9 Previous Result: 33 ASP Rating: =20
It’s easy for cynics to discount Josh Kerr as a latter-day Christian Fletcher type, an aerial specialist, scrubbed clean and toned down for a different market. Clearly, Josh Kerr feels that he’s capable of more than winning airshows – why else the nonchalant return to tour? Kerr is not a one-trick pony, as his ledge-friendly, Kieren Perrow-like charging at Chopes shows. Josh looked lazily comfortable navigating a running tab of backside pits in his first heat against Tiago Pires. But the truth is, Kerr’s act is about as solid as a block of swiss cheese – there’s some big holes, anyway you slice it. It’s not that Kerr can only do one thing – it’s that there’s still about 3-5 important things that he can’t do. But hey – enough years on the world tour and anybody can conform.
Kai Otton
Tahiti Result: 17 Previous Result: 9 ASP Rating: =20
I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again: the concept that there’s two different judging criterias, based on whether the waves are barreling or not, is kinda fuckin’ retarded. (No offense to any retards out there who may well be smart enough to take umbrage at being compared to ASP judges.) In the first heat of the morning of day 63 of the waiting period, Kai Otton surfed against Taylor Knox, and the scoreline reflected the judges’ confusion with how to score the conditions. It was clear the panel was keeping a damper on awarding turns, as "Tahiti is a tube-riding contest." Trouble was, there weren’t many pits. In hindsight, it’s hard to argue that the pedestrian little tube Kai Otton threaded was more impressive than the two waves he carved into bloody little pieces. But the judges didn’t see it that way, and Ottz lost by less than a point. In the end, however, Otton must blame himself – he fell on 3 waves that could have been keepers.
Kekoa Bacalso
Tahiti Result: 33 Previous Result: 5 ASP Rating: 18
Kekoa’s 33rd at Teahupoo shouldn’t be dwelled on – it comes with the territory. Very rarely do rookies blaze through their first season without being taught some lessons. And it’s even rarer for rookies to avoid early-loses when they’re jovial drunks. One of the many issues with the new contest format is that it double-insulates the Top 16. Not only do they get seeded into R2, but when a surfer like Kekoa works his way up to the edge of the Top 16, he gets effectively beat back down by being seeded against wildcards in R1. At least that’s the way it worked out for both Bacalso and Khodr. These guys performed admirably in Australia, and as a result they were dealt death-draws in Tahiti. Now poor Chunk is locked in the cellar with Sloth, and mean old Mama “ASP” Fratelli is guarding the door. Sloth will save you, Chunk! Baby Ruuuf! Baby Ruuuufffff!
Dean Morrison
Tahiti Result: 17 Previous Result: 9 ASP Rating: =20
If only Dean Morrison surfed like a cross between Dean Martin and Jim Morrison. It would make this write-up so much easier. I could’ve spun some arcane tie between Dean Martin’s Jerry Lewis partnership and the Doors/Jerry Lee Lewis “Light my Great Balls on Fire” mash-up. Instead, I’m left to sift through yet another performance in which Dean Morrison looked amazing in one heat (putting up 17.00 with ease in R1) and average in the next (getting schooled by Damo Hobgood in R2). As it stands, Dingo’s career is shaping up to mimic that of Taylor Knox, minus the power. Both won a single WCT event early in their careers, and both are talented enough to stay on tour without ever living up to expectations. Trouble is, I’m not sure if Dingo Morrison will be an entertaining veteran.
Dayyan Neve
Tahiti Result: 17 Previous Result: 17 ASP Rating: =25
I understand that many readers have difficulty discerning when I am employing irony, and when I am not. Some have suggested that I begin using emoticons to help my audience understand when things are meant to be taken lightly, as opposed to taken seriously, as opposed to LOL OMG HA HAHA!!!! My response to that suggestion is, go fuck yourself. Yes, I know, without an emoticon following that epithet, you’re probably wondering, “is he joking?” You’ll never know, you simple custard pudding bastard. Keeping that in mind, I have to admit that I’m a strong supporter of Dayyan Neve’s surfing. He has the no-nonsense, handy, can-do approach of a strong lesbian. This is a good thing. Neve taught that twink Pat G a lesson in R1, but in R2 Dayyan got burned playing the waiting game against Bobby. Neve only needed a 5.24 but it never came.
watch out after school Lewis! Drew Courtney is gonna like, bash you up and that, if you try and say that shit to his face (see stab). If you just sit deep at chopes and/or just lay low in the barrel there, I’m sure he won’t find you.
lol @ dr heh heh heh
I heard a few of the Hawaiian guys are hunting around for you, Lewis.
Sunny’s ass always leaves me covered in fecal matter.
@Lewis
I love that you compared Dayyan’s approach to that of a strong lesbian… My pet nickname for him is “Wonder Woman”, who flies across wave faces in “her” invisible jet while twirling “her” magic lasso. It’s an inside joke and payback for a practical joke that he and Matt Bemrose (Aquaman) pulled on me a few years back. Basically, we seppos (at least I did at first) often mis-pronounce his name so it sounds like a chick named “Diane Neevy”, when it actually is pronounced “Day -on, Neev”. Anyway… if you could just make a reference to Wonder Woman or put a shot of her next to the Brazil PR of my mate Dayyan, that would be sweet! Thanks heaps! Next VT is on me!
Seriously though, you should come to France this year. I own a bar in town, and will shout you heaps of free drinks, hopefully inspiring you to heights of surfing gonzo journalism never achieved before… even by the deranged spawn of a Thompson, Jarratt, Hynd love triangle that you must be!
Son, how was Dean Martin and Jerry Lee Lewis ever partnered?
Wait, did Neve really only need a 5.24, or is LS being ironic?
This is so confusing!
Is this thing on?
Oh good, would a Lewis Jewboy please report to the principals office there are a couple of nice gentlemen who wish to talk to you. Bring a helmet. That is all.
Erik is a C student.
u might wanna change that big red 31 on josh kerrs face to a 21..
Could you please include an emoticon, Mr. Fuggery?
I can’t tell if you are being mean or just messing around.
Was there supposed to be a winking smiley face after your comment? I mean, we’re friends, right?
I’m gonna get a Travis Mellem tattoo, now that I know for sure what LS meant about the industry touted blondies. He’s gonna be big! ‘CT ‘10.
No need to change the number Zac, it’s where he’ll eventually fall anyway and this dreamweaver shit is hard enought the first time out.
Mark, check out the times I usually post…. early mornings.
I’ve built my life around free time to surf and now spend that time on a keyboard. If this flat spell hadn’t of lasted 3 years, I wouldn’t know Postsurf exists. Thank Mark’s God that I am old, this situation would have been killed me before my alcoholism kicked in. Cali used to be so good…..
Stay in prison, PostMark, at least there is surf.
FFFFFUUUUUUCCCCCccckkkkkk.
And tell me boys, how in the fuck can you call knee to waist high a SWELL? Those dim fucks were “forecasting” all week long about this angle, that bathymetry, tide fluctuations….. much ado about nothing.
And Imagine if you paid Surflie for premium service, your cell would be ringing off the hook with “surf alerts”!!!!!
FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
“Some have suggested that I begin using emoticons to help my audience understand when things are meant to be taken lightly…” “…My response to that suggestion is, go fuck yourself.” hahahahahhaahahahhahahha
I really like watching Josh Kerr surf, but I would have to agree with Lewis that he has big holes in his game, one of the largest being that his aforementioned game only shows up to about one in every three comps. It’s not clear if this hasn’t occurred to anyone or if no one wants to say it, but he reminds me a lot of Dane Reynolds. Wait: before i’m labeled a traitor to the cause, I know that Mr. Reynolds is a better surfer than Mr. Kerr and he remains one of my favorite surfers of the last 5 years. But Every time Kerr loses, the American pundits take it as a sign that he is a one trick pony whereas every time our great white hope loses, we complain about waves and contest formats and stupid judges, etc. etc. The truth about the two must lie somewhere in the middle, Either Kerr is better than we give him credit, or California’s surfing savior isn’t as good as we all want him to be. Here’s hoping for the former.
“no-nonsense, handy, can-do approach of a strong lesbian”
Now that’s an analogy with teeth. Who can’t get that picture? I’d like to see some of that phraseology in Ing and Er.
<
This is what dr. was referencing…http://www.stabmag.com/jed/Lewis-Samuels-retort-power-rankings
Too bad there’s insufficient money on tour for the pros to hire PR. They need it badly. Don’t they see that reactionary anger only adds fuel to the fire? Not only is Drew Courtney showing advanced effects of old age, but he’s also a cantankerous old git.
Can someone please get Slats’ take on postsurf?
And Mike, are you a Kiwi? If what you’re selling is so great, why aren’t you living in NZ? Just curious.
Since I’m 9 hours ahead of all of the usual suspects commenting here on PostSurf, I’m going to get in my two cents worth before the opinions, insults, etc. start flying once everyone in California wakes up!
Re: Tubes being overscored at Teahupo’o, Pipeline (and in general at other waves of consequence)… I’m sorry Lewis, but there is no way that it’s just as easy to take off, pull in, and navigate your way through the pit while avoiding the falling lip/foam ball/spit with mere feet of water the only cushion between yourself and potential flesh gouging, disfigurement, loss of consciousness or death on razor sharp reef or rocks (even if it is only 4 ft.), as it is to take off, grab your rail and hold your line to the end of the wave at the equivalent size at Trestles… even if you’re Kelly.
Re: Judging and the Judges… The latest judging criteria was developed by the Head Judge, some of the veteran judges on the panel, and a good deal of the surfers including Kelly, so something tells me they got it as close to right at they can be. Interesting interview in the Gold Coast issue of Tracks (from a few months back that you can probably find on-line) that would be a good read for everyone who enjoys their judge bashing a bit too much! As cushy a job as you all think it is, the pay for the top level guys averages about $25K US per year! Not exactly getting rich… Even though they travel to all the Dream Tour destinations, they only get to surf the down days when the comp is called off. When they do work, days can be 12 to 15 hours long (especially on the WQS), and a panel can judge between 150 to 600 waves in a DAY (once again depending if it’s a WT or WQS). Not an easy job! Why not more ex-BIG NAME pros on the panels? Quite honestly, because most of them don’t have the patience or the concentration span to sit for hours on end inside an over-heating or freezing, revamped shipping container, staring into the sun for hours on end, while being hated by almost every pro who lost their heat that day, before going back to B grade housing after a B grade dinner (with only 1 beer, no hangovers ’til the end of the comp), before getting up and doing it all over again. There’s no love in being a judge. Luckily, the ones that can handle it, all do have solid surfing backgrounds, and make the right calls far more often than they get them wrong…
Re: Validity of the ASP… Once again, the ASP is basically (now that Rabbit has left) made up of 4 key employees: CEO - Brodie Carr, Head Judge - Perry Hatchett, World Tour Manager - Renato Hickl, and WQS Tour Manager - Al Hunt. Although they are all allowed to express their opinions, they are only EMPLOYEES who do not make the decisions, but apply the rules as determined by the voting members of the Board (which is made of of the Chairman, 2 surfers reps, and 2 event reps (who also work for 2 of the Big 3 Brands). Those are the people making the decisions, so when you blame the ASP, you are actually blaming the surfers (all of them including Kelly, Joel, Mick, Taj, Adriano et al.) and the brands. If you don’t like the way things are done, boycott the events, don’t watch the webcasts, don’t go to the websites… or try to make positive suggestions about what could be done to make it more interesting for you the true fan of surfing!
Re: The INDUSTRY… Unfortunately for the true hard core guys out there (those who don’t care about the Tour or the latest product line, and who are willing to build their own boards, and stitch their own trunks and wetsuits from scratch), the Surf Industry is a necessary evil in sport of surfing today. Since the Tour has managed to secure a grand total of 3 title sponsors (Coke, G-Shock, Fosters), in over 30 years of trying, it seems fairly obvious that Microsoft, AIG or Emirates is not about to come along and drop the tens of millions of dollars that it takes to run the whole tour in the near future. So, the Surf Industry has to foot the bill.
Don’t give a toss about the Tour? Then buy your trunks and suits from non-Surf Industry brands!
If you do care about having better performing boards, wetsuits, trunks and other accessories, checking out the latest surf videos, magazines and websites, going on boat charters or to surf camps/resorts, or just getting your daily on-line surf report, keep buying those branded boardies and t’s, because directly or indirectly the Industry is responsible for all of it, and without the industry, the vast majority of it would be gone! Watch out what you wish for! Someday your wishes may come true!
Re: More drivel from Dave… I’m sure I had more things to say, but that seems to be all I can think for now. It’s hard to stay logical, when all I can think about is what BR, Mike, Mark, Stu, Occy’s mum and the rest of the sick and twisted will say!!! Take it away boys!
5.7
It is hard to be funny and insightful day after day. You have a tough job Lewis.
I think my time here on post surf is about over. Hawaii will soon be in the rear view and I am not sure where I will land. There are some things about the northwest that I like.
I guess I haven’t learned fuckery yet J.O.B. so I will just fuck off. Aloha
@Ballz
The K9 and LS are pretty close bros. Something tells me “he likes”…
And now, for comparison’s sake, let’s take a look at some of the gems offered by the “New and Improved” power wankings over at Surfline. I didn’t bother to credit anything because those three guys maybe have half a brain to share.
On Freddy P: “I hope it doesn’t take the wind out of Fred’s sails, because they’ve never looked so strong.”
On Bede: “Without adding some new 2009 sizzle, Bede will continue to struggle this year.”
On Dane: “If you watch Heiarii and the top world tour contenders, they all have strategies to exit those pinched barrels. Dane needs to learn this.”
This stuff is freaking gold! Freddy has strong sails! Bede needs sizzle! Dane needs to come up with a pinched barrel exit strategy [insert Alex Knost joke here]!
I also learned that Slater no longer deserves to be taken seriously. And that’s as far as I got…no matter how hard I try to get through the whole list, I can’t do it. It fucking sucks. And that’s no irony.
@ Dave Mailman
Why, just yesterday I sizzled out to Lowers, dropped into a 4-foot set wave, burning a brain-dead disfigured guy who was stupid enough to surf 4-foot Chopes last season, grabbed rail, waited for the pitch, then held my line and got shacked all the way to the inside cobbles. Happens all the time at Trestles, yup, super hollow wave.
While paddling back out, I tried to imagine life without the latest surf videos or daily online surf reports. I’d have to get by with just surfing, with less people out. God that would suck.
Does the day-to-day grind take the wind out of your sails? Well, come on over to Sizzler and let us add some sizzle to your day! Your exit strategy will be a full stomach of steak at a reasonable price.
Diagnosis? Delicious!
Is there anything that steak can’t make feel better?
Holy crap these five dudes are boring. Definitely a ‘who gives a shit’ group. I have seen a few shots of Dingo at Backdoor that have made my jaw drop, but that’s about it. The other guys here, and for that matter, the majority of those outside of the top 10 (including Dane), I could just care less about. Kind of like the Orlando Magic. And I love that Surfline has Taj at #6 despite being #2 in the world right now. Almost as good as CJ in 45th after Mundaka. But not really.
I don’t have time to read Mailman’s novel right now… maybe later. Hopefully it will be worth it.
However, I do have time to land a Huey between Josh Kerr’s eye sockets before making an attempt to scale his massive forehead. His forehead’s so big, it would be an ideal location for Von Zipper to launch their next advertising campaign.
Josh Kerr’s forehead’s so big he has to squat in 25 foot barrels at Chopes to avoid scraping the green room ceiling.
When Josh Kerr furrows his brow, it looks like the incoming swell lines at the Superbank on a 6 foot day.
@Ballz
I’ve spent at least one month in NZ for the last 18 years and a buddy there and I have created a business plan that is gold…. I won’t emigrate until I tap the mine here in Cali. I’ve retired once and now know how much cash that entails, won’t make the beorguoisie mistake twice.
If you’re interested in greener pastures and an economy on the verge of blowing up, empty surf still beckons an intelligent business decision. But, bring a chick, that place isn’t Newport Beach if you catch my drift… I can get you full citizenship, very low interest business loans and into super fun surf for a reasonable service fee. Bring Stu, he can bail to Oz once he gets full status.
As for Courtney’s threats, however nonchalant AND contrived, Lewis has no worries. And who really has the time to wait out contestable conditions at those events when good surf is close by? Funny how thin skinned these guys are? Imagine them being grilled by press corps like an NBA player and the newspaper accounts following a critical loss?
Is there even a tour anymore? Brazil in June? No Tav. Trestles just two stops away? Still Mundaka? So much for the Dream tour. Poor Snapper until Joels miracle, one good day at Winki, 5 point heat totals at Chopes with scant tubes…. I’m trying to be engaged, but the reality is an extended flat spell and too much time on my hands is the tours only draw.
Is Mark quitting again? Ping Pong.
@Mark
I know of some must see ranch-land in a quite neighborhood in eastern Washington.
@Jamon Bagle
Never said Trestles was hollow. LS implied a few posts ago that it is just as easy to pull in and come out at Chopes as it is to trim down the line at Trestles… As for doing without webcams and the latest videos, I actually agree with you, but as for boards, wetsuits, trunks, fins, etc. the more we buy the better they get, as the competition drives the manufacturers to build higher quality, innovative and better performing products. I wouldn’t mind a few less people in the water, but definitely don’t want to go back to the days of ball, pit and nipple rash from poorly fitting gear, and ordering boards manufactured out of the back of some dude’s garage!
@BR
Nothing too humorous or witty in the novel. Feel free to brush it if you like!
So, Lew, who do you actually ROOT for ?
My guess is, you root for Parko. Me too.
along with T. Knox, Rob Machado, Sunny Garcia, & AI, & Taj, & Mick, & Coco Ho …
Barrel v. maneuvers: While surfing, I’d rather have barrels if the barrels are legit - nose of board behind the curtain & pitching at least to the bottom of the wave.
Watching a comp, I’d rather see maneuvers unless the barrels are big & dredging. (E.g. real Teahupoo)
The judging question is tough & it’s ridiculous that they have 2 standards for barrel contests v. non. It should be one standard & barrels shouldn’t command the automatic high scores. They should be judged like any othe maneuver - difficulty, flow, etc. For instance, I think Taj’s fins-free snaps wave (his first score) was better than Bobby’s 1st wave. Bobby’s wave was great, but he wasn’t that deep & was in front of the barrel for most of it. The judges scored the wave, not the ride. If Bobby had stalled for a longer barrel &/or was deeper, then he deserved his score.
to all you groms or up and cumers you should quit surfing now so when you sneak your way on to the ct samuels wont rip you a new asshole and hurt your feelings:)
Dave Mailman, do you suggest that not only those who read Lewis Samuel’s Postsurf.co, but shareholders of ZQK also not have an “opinion”, also not ask questions of management at the next Quiksilver sharemolder meeting?
Drive thru.
Remember when someone posted after Bells that ASP judges didn’t have time to worry about Lewis’ stupid blog? I wonder how many of them are on here now and considering how shitty they are at their jobs. Aloha Mark - see you tomorrow, at least as SmynaJeff.
I just got the phil spector reference Lewis, wow it really does look like him.
I say ban Drew Courtney and the guy who got a .77!
Who has thought about my wife today?
Zip it trauser…..
@Stu
How funny is it that the CT is tuned into the fact that we are more interesting than they are?
How funny is it that surf judging has been questioned since it’s inception?
Put the top 16 on a boat, find ridiculous perfection and accumulate a total event score at the end of 4 surfing hours each. Rotate heats, get everyone into good conditions and film the events as individaul documentaries. No beach presence, totally mobile, cable TV deals with exclusive for the parent company.
February-Caroline Islands
March-Gold Coast
April-Tavarua
May-Tahiti
June-Western Australia
July-South Africa
August-Bali
September-Trestles
October-France
November-Off
December-Hawaii
The QS can challenge the bottom 8 for the next years berth. Instantly upgrades the talent and drama of the QS, and creates yearly urgency to maintain the top 8.
@ Mark
She didn’t make it into the rotation today, although there was a rotation. I gotta say thanks again the shreddy roosevelt for the tip.
Lewis, would you suggest wearing reef booties and chopes?
Aww yea! Not long ago, was mentioned here. RE scam artists who ripped the Iron Bros….. Penny hustling stock pumpers were thinker than foam after 10 foot, 20 wave Tahitian sets.
Not only the dudes busting it out on the Yahoo MDVX.OB and other stock message boards…. but the freaking owner of the whole damn company!!!!!
InvestorsHub.com Owner Matt Brown Indicted For Securities Fraud
May 24th, 2009 at 12:37 pm Posted by The Dean
On Thursday 5/21/09 Matt Brown, founder/managing partner @ InvestorsHub.com, was indicted for securities fraud along with seven co-defendants in a massive pump and dump scheme that netted over $6 million. The individuals charged by the U.S. Department of Justice include:
• Pawel Dynkowski, age 24, formerly of Newark, Delaware;
• Joseph Mangiapane, Jr., age 43, of Laguna Niguel, California;
• Marc Riviello, age 50, of Atherton, California;
• Matthew W. Brown, age 26, of Aliso Viejo, California;
• Jacob Canceli, age 50, of Mission Viejo, California;
• Gerard D’Amaro, age 38, of Lighthouse Point, Florida; and
• Angelo R. “Bill” Panetta, age 48, of Montebello, California.
The companies whose stocks the defendants are charged with manipulating and conspiring to manipulate include GH3 International, Inc. (GHTI); Asia Global Holdings Corp. (AAGH); Playstar Corporation (PLYCF); and INCA Designs, Inc. (IDGI).
I had spoken with Gerard D’Amaro in the past and remember him touting the success of his PLYCF campaign. Unfortunately for Gerard this is exactly what happens when penny stock promoters neglect to do business with 100% transparency so please let this be a lesson for the rest of you hiding under the guise of anonymity on the web: the Feds Will Find You!
Dave Mailman,
That was an inspired diatribe. I skimmed the boring parts by using Mark’s mother’s chine hairs as a pogo stick. They’re some resilient mu’fuckers if you haven’t met them in person. That said, I can’t knock the research and effort you put into your treatise. In many ways, you’re preaching to the flatulent taint hairs of my asshole choir. At the same time, the system does need to be fixed from the top-down. Meaning, the ASP (minus the current professional competing contingent) should convene a summit in a Best Western on the plains of Kansas (to avoid any distractions), and decide two things:
First, where can they turn to for a secure sponsorship? And second, exactly what the hell their judges should be looking for.
Regarding sponsorship:
We’re in a fledgling economy, no doubt. But, there are companies out there willing to capitalize on the opportunities of the day. Right now, under the current administration and righteous worldwide pressure, diplomatic focus is on Eco-Friendly corporations. Why not take care of our earth? And, why not target some of the ‘big boys’ of corporate culture whose former reputations are in need of repair. Look at Chevron; look at Target; or even Wal-Mart for feck’s sake? Wal-Mart has been building the equivalent of LEED Certified buildings for a while because they’re more efficient. They’re ‘going green,’ not to be hip, but to make more cash. Mark will obviously sookle the ingrown follicle on my enlarged left testicle for this response, but why not apply the same mentality to the ASP? Again, I’m currently nursing the dregs of a fifth of Jamison, but I still think a summit with these options on the table, and a panel of the ASP *thinkers could flesh this thing out.
Regarding judging:
For too many years we’ve had a divide between ‘technically sound surfing’ and ‘progressive surfing.’ Judges award such technically savvy competitors as Mick Fanning and Joel Parkinson big scores for their mathematical precision on waves in all conditions. Do we see them performing anything extraordinary on waves at the professional level? No. Meanwhile, judges have been less willing to award the Taj’s / Kerr’s / Reynolds’ a few points for pushing boundaries with moves that aren’t commonplace or
conceivable amongst the Top 44 – let alone the lower ranks of amateur surfing. Do they make them with technical precision? No.
The question is this: Do we want professional surfing to evolve quickly, or slowly? We know which camp supports each hypothesis. Darwin wanted survival of the fittest.
In the end, my opinion matters as much as Kobe yelling at the ref for missing / ignoring that filthy tripping foul. Or, less than Drew Courtney’s epic follicular battle against an ever-advancing forehead blitzkrieg…
… Drew, for Elephantitis of the forehead, just seek Doctor Kerr’s advise.
Footnotes -
*Those that have a working knowledge of ‘The Invisible Hand.’ In layman’s terms: my righty when absorbing images of Jessica Biel writhing topless uponst a dancing stage.
Chevron… Exxon….. Marathon…. Hess Corporation…. Lukoil…. ring up freaking Petrobras if you have to!!!!
It is a FACT! here is nothing more green. There is nothing more organic…. than crude oil.
Dear Lord Jeezus,
Please send an English translator to Robert Dobb’s household. We know he has encouraging words for our decrepit souls, but this is downright ponderous.
Brother Bob, just type your sermons in Word before publishing. So saith the Lawd. Sure, some typo’s and grammar errors will slip through… but in the end, it helps us struggling writer’s to upgrade our status from wrinkled foreskin dwellers to performing the Heimlich maneuver on the ballsack of the blogging world. Big diff.
Other than that, Amen!
Hey, BR. did you forget?
I speak jive.
Hallelujah.
Holla back.
In the coming rants of The Real Power Rankings, Kelly is still to come.
So, with the king all but being forced to continue, the proverbial and under respected suspenders holding up the whole ASP. Who’s left to continue the solid interests of all involved?
Taj the Burro? Joel the Park-it-in-the-sun? Bede the Durable-bridge-to-nowhere? CJ Hobsprettygood? Jordy Oh Lordy Smith, The resurrection of Andy Iron-Age, circa 2003?
The Association of Surfing Props must be in full panic mode.
When the king fades from the scene, it’s decades of apparent Queen mums holding down the sand castle that is the ASP.
Hey, maybe that’s the reason why the ASP canned Bugs, is in transition from OZ, and back to the States.
The ASP can get some of that FART money handed out by US Treasury Secretary Tim ” I can’t figure out how to use freaking Turbo Tax” Geithner.
So saith the Lawd. Ok here are more ideas for you guys to ponder:
Re: Tubes being overscored at Teahupo’o, Pipeline (and in general at other waves of consequence)… I’m sorry Bob Dobb, but there is no way that it’s just as easy to take off, pull in, and navigate your way through the pit while avoiding the falling lip/foam ball/spit with mere feet of water the only cushion between yourself and potential flesh gouging, disfigurement, loss of consciousness or death on razor sharp reef or rocks (even if it is only 4 ft.), as it is to take off, grab your rail and hold your line to the end of the wave at the equivalent size at Trestles… even if you’re Kelly.
Re: Judging and the Judges… The latest judging criteria was developed by the Head Judge, some of the veteran judges on the panel, and a good deal of the surfers including Kelly, so something tells me they got it as close to right at they can be. Interesting interview in the Gold Coast issue of Tracks (from a few months back that you can probably find on-line) that would be a good read for everyone who enjoys their judge bashing a bit too much! As cushy a job as you all think it is, the pay for the top level guys averages about $25K US per year! Not exactly getting rich… Even though they travel to all the Dream Tour destinations, they only get to surf the down days when the comp is called off. When they do work, days can be 12 to 15 hours long (especially on the WQS), and a panel can judge between 150 to 600 waves in a DAY (once again depending if it’s a WT or WQS). Not an easy job! Why not more ex-BIG NAME pros on the panels? Quite honestly, because most of them don’t have the patience or the concentration span to sit for hours on end inside an over-heating or freezing, revamped shipping container, staring into the sun for hours on end, while being hated by almost every pro who lost their heat that day, before going back to B grade housing after a B grade dinner (with only 1 beer, no hangovers ’til the end of the comp), before getting up and doing it all over again. There’s no love in being a judge. Luckily, the ones that can handle it, all do have solid surfing backgrounds, and make the right calls far more often than they get them wrong…
Re: Validity of the ASP… Once again, the ASP is basically (now that Rabbit has left) made up of 4 key employees: CEO - Brodie Carr, Head Judge - Perry Hatchett, World Tour Manager - Renato Hickl, and WQS Tour Manager - Al Hunt. Although they are all allowed to express their opinions, they are only EMPLOYEES who do not make the decisions, but apply the rules as determined by the voting members of the Board (which is made of of the Chairman, 2 surfers reps, and 2 event reps (who also work for 2 of the Big 3 Brands). Those are the people making the decisions, so when you blame the ASP, you are actually blaming the surfers (all of them including Kelly, Joel, Mick, Taj, Adriano et al.) and the brands. If you don’t like the way things are done, boycott the events, don’t watch the webcasts, don’t go to the websites… or try to make positive suggestions about what could be done to make it more interesting for you the true fan of surfing!
Re: The INDUSTRY… Unfortunately for the true hard core guys out there (those who don’t care about the Tour or the latest product line, and who are willing to build their own boards, and stitch their own trunks and wetsuits from scratch), the Surf Industry is a necessary evil in sport of surfing today. Since the Tour has managed to secure a grand total of 3 title sponsors (Coke, G-Shock, Fosters), in over 30 years of trying, it seems fairly obvious that Microsoft, AIG or Emirates is not about to come along and drop the tens of millions of dollars that it takes to run the whole tour in the near future. So, the Surf Industry has to foot the bill.
Don’t give a toss about the Tour? Then buy your trunks and suits from non-Surf Industry brands!
If you do care about having better performing boards, wetsuits, trunks and other accessories, checking out the latest surf videos, magazines and websites, going on boat charters or to surf camps/resorts, or just getting your daily on-line surf report, keep buying those branded boardies and t’s, because directly or indirectly the Industry is responsible for all of it, and without the industry, the vast majority of it would be gone! Watch out what you wish for! Someday your wishes may come true!
Take it away boys!
I grow weary of scrolling past redundant trollers who have nothing to say. It’s not fun, and it’s not funny. I pray my carpal tunnel surgeon is paid by this leech’s tax dollars.
@Princevillebilly
Don’t understand where you’re going with your question/argument about opinions… Everybody who has an opinion should feel free to give it, which I think is the case of the 20 or so of us who read PostSurf on a regular basis!
As for the Quiksilver shareholders (not me anymore, I dumped my stock when they bought Rossignol), they should definitely ask questions of management… The problem is that you probably won’t get many answers, as the man who caused the Quiky collapse (Bernard Mariette) is no longer working for the company, and RUMOR has it that Bob McKnight (who let Mariette run wild) is at home playing with Legos after a bit of a meltdown.
@Bob Dobb
You are a door knob! Try actually reading people’s comments from beginning to end. Then, with a little luck you may understand something, which is why BR cut and pasted my novela specifically for you to read it again! But at least you’re not afraid to speak up! I’ll give you that!
I lol’d @ americans.
@Mike
Great idea for a Tour format. There have been suggestions that it would be better with only 16 guys at the top events. I’ll run it by Brodie…again!
@BR
My sentiments exactly for a blanket tour sponsor… and the great debate on judging criteria will possibly be eternal. I personally prefer seeing new and exciting moves in general (à la Dane, Josh, Jordy), but the basics (tubes and rail surfing) never grow old, and that is why we will never all agree on every score.
@Stu
That was me saying that the judges have better things to do than worrying about the Stab and PostSurf commentators! And I still stand by that statement. Also, I didn’t say they suck at their jobs, but that their job sucks because of low pay, average surf on lay days (when they get a chance to go), average food and lodging, long hours and even longer periods away from home! If it was an easy, dream job, you’d see a lot more ex-pros from the Dream Tour up in the judging tower!
wank wank wank you guys should go back to surfermag forums*
*lol made you keep reading hehehheheheheheh*
i’m drunk*
*i said stop reading*
*lol heheh
Slater can win 9 more titles and still be a zit on the ass of Phil Spector. For your consideration, I give you the Wall of Sound, River Deep, Mountain High and Wah Wah by George Harrison.
@ dave mailman
glad you’re posting on here. i never knew the details about the asp.
you always hear renato online and then al hunt giving out the numbers at the end of the year to see who’s next for the wct . . .
thanks
@tony
Glad you appreciate the effort. Not as creative or emotionally disturbed as some of the characters inhabiting this virtual reality world that is PostSurf, but I do like to set the record straight for everyone when I can… This site is kind of like a drug, though. You know it’s not good for you, but with crew like BR around you know your going to have a good time!
PS: Definitely not condoning drug use… just a metaphor.
@ D. Mailman:
OK, fair point on the Trestles/Chopes analogy. But I still get stand up pits at Lowers when no one’s looking.
Don’t see the connection between the ASP and equipment quality. Contests are just one of many ways to promote a product. And if there is less promo > fewer sales > fewer surfers, I’m willing to spend a few bucks more for a quality product. There will always be enough core surfers to support an industry…
Dave the Mailman, ASP insider and profound thinker with a spot of tea, chap. The civility of your expression fails the anger of our forum, too politically correct and butter knife edges. One dispute I can raise is that the fashion of surfing has forgotten the function of surfing and the new “equipment” is not an improvement.
Blas, I look forward to your musings, but consider some brevity. I can barely make it through your novels…
Less is more, brother Rottenmouth.
Who the fuck knew that the Irons boys “invested” in Penny Stocks? A fool and his money….
And everyone please consider the slave labor used to make all this crap no one needs. An unsustainable world the DMailman begs to protect in the interest of progress. The quaint chap proves to be quite colonial…..
I’d love to make some bucks from advertising!
Where do i sign BR?
Drew Courtney got Billabong to ditch the airplane banner for his forehead.
Hey Dave “Heezsus” Mailman…. sick yarn with the wonder woman call… my name is pronounced Day-yaan Neave… i honestly thought you had worked it out??? see you in France biiig guy … neooow!
Check out , , and
I had a dream to begin my commerce, however I didn’t have got enough of cash to do it. Thank goodness my friend proposed to use the . Therefore I used the auto loan and made real my desire.