I shared a session the other day with a very friendly group of bodyboarders. They were surfing a typical Oz slab, and the barrels they were getting convinced me to give it a go, despite the fact that it was basically a pop-peak poorly suited to stand-up surfing (of a certain level, at least).
As I played cat-and-mouse with huckers that allowed almost no plausible entry point, I wondered how bodyboarders must feel about the current slab-hunting frenzy that's being built up in mainstream surf mags. Photo-incentives have driven professional surfers to attack slabs, and general sheep psychology has led more average surfers to follow. Slabs that used to be considered "bodyboarding waves" are now fair game for surfers.
After the session, I decided to research this topic a bit, and knew just the place to look: the forum at 805bbr.
I was turned on to this forum after I posted about my new mag start-up, The Booger's Journal.
Apparently some bodyboarding enthusiasts did not appreciate my sense of humor, as evidenced by comments like this one in a :
"Send hate mail to that piece of shit. he's jewish... someone with more time than me...find his myspace and other information and post it. like where he lives and stuff."
That was from an articulate gent named "Islaphawaiians"
Anyhoo, Mr Goebbels...
In on the 805bbr forum, some different users commented on my original question as follows:
"In oz, almost all thee mutant "slabs" were pioneered by boogs. In the early years of surfing, standups were looking for long, sectiony, perfect points. In our sport, our equipment isnt suited for long crumbly waves. We need fast breaking waves. Mutant dry slabs were perfect for our sport. Now it seems this is the new crave. I dont know about you guys, but if i was a standup, i'd rather go to bali and get 10 second barrels, than try scooping like a sponger on mutants and try battling the shockey for a quick 3 second square barrel. Their just trying to mimmick us. obrien doing rodeos, marzo with bank revos, and braboyz dry slab surfing. sounds a little familiar."
You heard it here first, stand-ups: O'Brien, Marzo, and the Bra Boys learned everything they know from bodyboarders.
Ours was discovered by bodyboarders! And many others slabs in the world. Bra Boys are like vulture’s, stealing everything..
the difference between a standup and a bodyboarder at pipe is the backflip 360 the bodyboarder does when he exits his tube 5 seconds later than the standup.
Im a “normal” surfer, but i think bodyboarders surf wilder waves and do cooler airs.
dick draggers have a forum?????? where are the NAMBLA links on the page?
Damn Lewis you are a total barn yard. I suspect that’s you bailing your in the second shot. Oh yea I forgot jews don’t have any balls. 4 foot pipe breaks hollower than that mush burger. Are you welcomed anywhere you surf besides Bolinas? Nice new thread, yawn . . .
No surf today, yesterday, last week, last 36 months, maybe forever.
10 thousand miles away, sponges get wet. Fuck.
The bodyboarders have a point. They were the first to surf these kind of waves, waves that photograph well but aren’t suited to the average surfer at all.
They were the first to surf Chopes regularly. In the late 1980’s it was a bodyboarding spot. No one surfed it.
never heard of Isla Phawaiian. Any surf there?
“dick draggers have a forum?????? where are the NAMBLA links on the page?”
hey poserboy..might want to keep the fact that you are looking for links to NAMBLA to yourself.
And you might want to credit Mel Gibson for his hilarious post in which he made the first–and ever-so deft, I might add–allusion to said organization in postsurf’s history.
remember that booger that punched bruce irons? or what about the booger that used to stand up? was it danny kim?
Chris Won punched Bruce Irons
He also stands up, or stood up.
He lived with a friend of mine right at pipe a few years back, he is actually royalty from Tonga.
We would call him the prince. Rips at surfing too…
Never knew why he punched Irons pinner.
Just puttin’ this out there incase any of us can help. In S.F.:
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Reply to:lovingjewishcouple@yahoo.com [Errors when replying to ads?]
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btw that islpahawaiians is a total pussy… he hides behind a screen name and nobody likes him. just another faggot troll.
Slab is a dumb word
To everyone who has seen what’s been going on on this site lately don’t worry, I commented the shit out of the responsible individuals and sent them to the cyber hospital, virtually dead. When you converse with them from now on take the attitude you would with a “special” person. Most interactions will be pleasent but they have been known to bite and will now have retard strength, so always be on your guard.
Looks like Stand-ups are finally growing some balls, but stay the fuck away and go back to waikiki and go zig-zag your shitty waves to death. Such an ugly sight.
Good point about Jaime O’brien and all the new school surfers - where the FUCK do you think they got their ideas? Invent your own fucking moves stand-ups!! By the way, FUCK Jaime O’bryan for making a mockery of our sport by entering our event this winter, we could probably surf better than you could ever bodyboard, fucking barn-ass kook.
Boogie boarders are so cute. Watching them flop down the face of choppy slabs like epileptic amoebas undergoing their fifth helping of shock-therapy warms the very cockles of my soot-stained heart. They’re like bunnies made of kittens. So, so very cute.
Their soft boards; their fins, and their ability to stay prone through an entire four-hour session is a true testament to the evolution of primates earth crawling maggots to bipedal sapiens. Or, not.
Nevertheless, their brave abilities be swallowed up into countless close-outs, rarely to emerge successfully, flaunts the boundaries of sport like nothing we’ve scene since the first wheelchair bound quadriplegics took on the Harlem Globetrotters. Pardon me for a moment, whilst a shed a tear.
And of course, the sports we shall not name had nothing at all, whatsoever, to do with the progression of surfing’s aerial progressions. And by ‘not name,’ I mean skateboarding and snowboarding.
No, it was all due to the Boogie Boarder.
And for that, I am thankful.
Nay, We ALL should give everlasting thanks.
Thank you!!!
Hi everyone,
Are we all ready to start this weeks session? Good. I like the names you have all given yourselves, very imaginative. Now trauzersnake, please put your penis back in your pants. It’s ok, yes, that was very naughty, no, nobody wants to see that. Mark! Stop eating the glue, you can eat your applesauce at snack time. Does anybody know what this is? Yes, it’s a surfboard (fins removed for safety) I’m going to pass it around so everybody can hold it. Mel Gibson, please share with everyone else, Mel, Mel! Hugh Jass stop that now! AAAHHHH!!!!!!
See what happen to our host next week, same postsurf time same postsurf channel
I’m pretty sure original wave riders rode prone. Standups suck more cock then the Bunny Ranch.
I wish i was a dick dragger instead of dragging dicks
A lot of waves just seem made for bodyboarding.
In the San Diego area there are reefy slabs that beg to be boogied. In Central Ca. there are numerous gurgling barrels and even the beachbreaks of Ventura county ( I guess I can’t name names ) have sponge potential.
Seems like surfers have always hated us. Why can’t we all just coexist peacefully? I hate to burst your bubble but bodyboarding as well as S.U.P.’s and long and short boarding are , at the core, the same thing.
It is all surfing.
@Stix,
Yep. Just like the original men lived in caves.
@Blasphemy Rottmouth 11:14am
Die.
Ben’s right. Look, let’s not argue something so stupid. Boogie boarding may be just fine for some of you. Fabulous!
Does drinking a quart of ball sweat make one homosexual? No.
But I personally wouldn’t do it. My choice.
You guys carry on about your little fun amongst yourselves. My ankles are getting sore.
@Ben
Erroneous! Speed bumbs be damned! SUPing is really hot right now though
I didn’t even know this many people bodyboarded. One thread about you guys and you pop out of the wordwork like a bunch of phish heads at a pot rally. Your sport, scratch that, your little hobby, is a travisty.
I’m a dick-dragger too (when I walk around the house pantless, that is, as I often do.)
People, please take it easy on the spongers. They are very sensitive and have very childlike minds. quick fact: most of the fights I have seen at the beach were spongers beating on surfers, like that little kid in a xmas story going apeshit
I love boogie boarding. I would rather do that than stand up surf anyday but my father would persecute me. It’s bad enough pretending to be straight but if thought me a booger . . .
But it’s not all bad. I get to wrestle with BJ Penn.
I’ve been trying to think of a topic less relevant than boogie boarding and so far I’ve got nothing. Lewis, not everything is an antecdote. I took a shit earlier. Not post worthy. Same with a frivolous boogie board session.
So there exists an anti-Semitist boogie boarder. Who cares.
On another note, I disagree with Chris Cote that slab is a dumb word. I actually quite like it. Very descriptive. Give me a slab of that ice cream. Or a slab of ribs. The problem is overuse in surfing. Surfline can’t go a day without referencing a newly discovered slab and I agree that is annoying. My retort would be to offer Surfline a delectable slab of musty Ballz cheese rather than ban the use of “slab” altogether.
Which brings up the topic of the word douche bag. Incredibly descriptive? Yes. Nauseatingly overused? Yes. Please, somebody give me an alternative for this word. The substitution should not contain the word “douche” as a prefix, suffix, etc. Thus, douche nozzle is not a viable alternative.
To close, can we get a ranking of the top douche nozzles in surfing? GT? Sam George?
One more question, which is a worse film? One California Day or Pipeline Posse.
Incidentally, the phrase “boogie boarder” is far more insulting than booger.
I’m a dick-drager but only when I walk.
I love you Lewis!
I will answer my own question. Pipleline Posse is worse. As terrible a film as One California Day is, and it is mind-numbingly boring, Pipeline Posse holds itself out as containing legitimate state-of-the-art surfing. I’m quite confident I could clip together a better movie after filming 2 or 3 WQS events. The surfing is just terrible (e.g., Jamie Sterling’s stink bug), not to mention the subjects are a horde of retards (with apologies to retards). 1CD is merely innocuous retro surfing at Cardiff Reef. They at least pretend not to care.
Ballz: Pipeline Posse, while not containing ‘legitimate state-of-the-art surfing’ (by the way, I believe I hold copyright infringement rights to over-hyphenating® on PostSurf, so watch it bud), contains footage of barely surfable second and third reef Pipe that is in and of itself mind-blowing®. You’d be hard-pressed® to find anyone who’s surfed macking Pipeline saying that Sterls, Braden, and company don’t absolutely charge the shit out it when it’s going off.
And actually, I find it refreshing to watch mid-level® pros pushing their limits as far as the big stuff goes, as opposed to watching another Taylor Steele movie featuring Yadin Nicol doing airs over 3 foot onshore European beachbreaks. It’s akin to reading trauzersnake and RogerW. post about their cocks when you could peruse my illustrious compilation of comments on true penis-propaganda®.
Touche, Lazer. You watch the B and C listers performing mind-boggling “drop-ins” and “cutbacks” and I’ll stick to my Yadin Nicol.
Oh and Lazer, come clean. Which member of the Pipe Posse are you?
Don’t you stand ups realize that, aside from kooks and beginners, most spongers that are passionate about waveriding stand up surf too. The waves in socal are more often that not, not sponge worthy.
@roger w
Get your own material dude
Hi, Stu Smith here. Strange that Lewis’ quick stopover is taking him to some pretty remote regions of NSW. I hope he gets the pig flu that’s spreading so quickly amongst Australia’s crooked-toothed population. Any society that allows Layne Beachley to get such an inadequate chin implant must be off.
Hi, Stu Smith here again. Lazar and Ballz engaged in a heated debate, yet neither appears to have gone with the obvious choice of watching neither shitty video.
::: Gay :::
Blasphemy Rottmouth says:
June 4, 2009 at 10:45 am
talking shit on boogieboarders for being cute when you on some wanna be shakespear tweaker shit, faggot i bet youre all industry pimped like your sponsored but your a no name
. the funny thing about standupsurfers is the ones you all idolize dont really talk shit on bodyboarding, the ones that do the heap of the bs talk are the 98% of you faggot no-names from socal.
keep whining and claiming,
some people should just learn to have fun and get over what other people are into. just like a standupsurfer to have the mentality of pretty-boy fuck that has to go out of his way and talk shit to make him feel more down for the “culture” thats pimping him for thousands..
Lewis, you want to talk about Booger Waves & I want to talk about Brazil. It starts June 29 I think, something like that.
Hopefully my Rosetta Stone order gets here quickly so I can try to translate/comprehend what C just wrote
@C
It looks like your sixth-grade education is treating you well. Why don’t you let me stick my big cock in your mouth so you stop embarrassing yourself.
Lew-bags
How have the locals been treating you down there in Bawley Point? Funny seeing shots of Nugen and a story relating to bodgers (majorty from canberra or cronulla). It has only been in the last 5 or so years they’ve been inhabiting that spot and a select other few. saftey in numbers - them surfing there is a prime example. (why was ben button down there too?) Being raised in the area, it is hard to comprehend the pack mentality we now see. i understand that as time goes on, the area has and will become more exposed but it is a bitter pill. maybe i’m just getting old…
While we’re on the topic of slabs and the south coast… congrats to Paul Morgan for making a living from thise death slabs and the rest of his tow team for restoring a bit of balance in the line up (and not giving a fuck about those idiot bodgers from canberranulla). God knows everyone is sick of them.
Gala Alexander may need to travel a touch more. most of the waves L.S. is exploring break on exposed rock shelves and are breeding grounds for our sharp toothed friends. personally, having surfed both, the adrenalin pumps faster surfing there than pipe. there is much more concequence from the granite and urchins. For someone who has led a sheltered life (like you) it is hard to explain the severity of these waves. the reef is black and of volcanic origins similar to hawaii. the water is heavy, quite similar to mav’s yet a strange dark blue. the swells are more lump that line and throw wider than high. Enjoy surfing 4 foot pipe though
Whoa! Mentality is a pretty big word. I’ll give C the green sticker-star he never got.
Its all about riding waves, doesn´t matter if standing up, prone, on your back, whatever, its all about having fun.
And I really can´t believe on all the xenophobic and homophobic shit I see around here. Its the 21st century…
@ C
Iagree that is indeed all about fun. Posting comments and intetacting on postsurf is fun too.
However, I think you should perhaps read a book instead of postsurf. Dr. Seuss’s “the cat in the hat” is a good one.
@ C
When you say “homophobic shit” my guess is you think that it is homosexual of me to speak of my huge appendage, when in fact that word means to have fear of all that is homosexual, which would lead you to call BR a faggot. Look it up in the dickshinary dude. I don’t know what xenophobic means so I’ll leave it to you to look that up to. Fuckin’ STOOPS!!!
Amazes me how some aging surf journalists manage to stay so damn acerbic well into middle age. Who’s got the time to be so angry? Is this really such a revelation, or just made up? C’mon, this is the most obvious and unfunny story in the scattershot history of surf journalism. How did the sport of kings end up with so many ratchety scrooges as scribes?
@blasrot said,
“Does drinking a quart of ball sweat make one homosexual? No”.
I take it you found this out yourself?
“@ blasphrot says” jesus christ, Lewis can we please have some educational requirements here, this is painful. Is it internet hour at george bailey correctional facility or what??
jetskisareforfags
Personally, I think Yadin Nicol rips, real hard like. I’d rather watch him than 90% of the ASP guys.
OK bye, gotta go ride my polystyrene SUP alaia at a newly-discovered heaving freshwater slab in a hidden Norwegian fjord.
Hi guys. My name is Ted, and I like to sponge. I know, I know, you would never have thought it. I’m an upstanding citizen, pay my taxes, hold down a job, and almost always paddle out with a wafer thin 6′0 under tummy. But on certain days, when its big and hopelessly messy and onshore, I grab a foam toy and have the time of my life. I always feel guilty though. Oh, lord, sometimes the guilt is almost too much, but a couple times a year I actually enjoy riding prone. Don’t worry though, I have my allegiances straight. When I’m standing on a wave, I use words like “dick dragger” and “speed bump”. When I’m er, dragging my dick, I like to loudly boast about “how deep we get at pipeline” even though I’ve only ever seen pipeline in magazines. I also curse at shortboarders when I longboard and polyurethane people when I lay (that’s what you do when you ride an alaia). All in all, I try to follow the golden rule: it’s not what you ride, but how big of an elitist prick you are about it.
Mark!!! I didn’t know you ocassionaly dragged your dick! That’s cool duden its hawaii. You can still use your real name, it’s ok, jesus dosen’t give a fuck what we ride!
@Ron Dog
Hmmm, let me think. The world economy is a disaster. Jobs are being lost every day. The surfing industry in losing their literal shirts; leaving sponsored professionals without income, and a world tour floundering. Meanwhile the cost of surfboards has risen, the cost of living close to the ocean remains high, and the gasoline that inlanders guzzle to get to the ocean is going back up.
And yet most fucking pussy ass surfers want to think their gravy train’s gonna go on forever? Your little local break that you’ve surfed for generations will never go away will it? Our natural resources will always be there for our consumption won’t it?
Stupid, naïve, consumerist culture is too blind to see the possible end of the party coming.
Instead of focusing on all that, let’s all hold hands, sing cumbaya… then go slash the tires of the inland invaders. Because that’s so important. Because that’s going to mean something when Chinese troops are marching down your street and raping your pet ferrets. WWII could never happen again could it? Just ask those Hawaiians who lived through the last ass raping they received at the hands of the Japanese bukkake warriors. Kim Junk Ill would never launch a nuke at America’s precious West Coast would they?
Stupid, naïve, consumerist culture is too blind to see the possible end of the party coming.
My name is Blasphemy Rottmouth, and I say:
Fuck you, and all that you love!
And yes, I have fucked a ferret. Don’t knock that shit unless you tried that shit.
Bitch.
First off rollerbladers= fruitboots boogers = t-bags secondly replace douche bag with ass hat?
@Blasphemy Rottmouth
take a chill pill man. You are making us look like the dicks that they say we are.
I think its illegal to own a ferret in CA. let alone fuck one therefore B.R. is not Lewis
I don’t think it was really BR at 9:15 but good comment nonetheless. What will you do when there’s a billion chinks storming your beach? I’ll tell you what to do. Call on the Trauzer to turn that brigade of chinks into some sort of civil war wax museum!
BTW David carridine apparently died from an auto-erotic asphyxiation accident. Irony??
I do believe BR has fucked a ferret
I read a Quote from Carridine that said “I blow minds for a living”
it was right before he did the phonebook commercial.
Last time I trust the spelling of a penis Carradine
@ meatwad
Apparently he was looking to blow loads at the end.
Oh snap!!!
I think you may be right though who gets naked before they hand them self?
While this may not seem a surf worthy topic lets not forget that Layne Beachly is fucking one of the dudes from Inxs who did not die in this way.
Surely riding a lid is part of the “ride anything” movement. I ride shortboard, longboard, bodyboard and the dreaded SUP. In Oz there are plenty of guys who do the same and unless your name is Koby or have access to a ski there are many waves you will miss out on that are too heavy for the average surfer to ride on a standup but are plenty of fun on a lid.
Ride whatever makes you happy, who gives a shit what others think.
So let me get this straight, Layne Beachly sticks his cock in one of the surviving members of INXS, and he tows into slabs w/ bra boys?? Irony?
typical surfers who care more about what others ride more than they care about opening their mind. i ride all boards. i mean every type! short board, bodyboard, surf mat, alaia, etc…and i will own all of you on any craft. so what? .its all waveriding. to each his own. if you really wanna get deep into it…look at the true wave riders….dolphins and seals. how do they ride? on a 6′1″ Flyer brah? No. they ride in a natural prone position. low center of gravity, and head first. like bodysurfing. that is THE most pure form of waveriding. anyone who cant understand that should not be surfing, period. keep the trendy hate to yourself, and remember there are waaayyyy more kook standups surfing for the wrong reasons that there are bodyboarders. its your stupid too cool image that has ruined and exploited waveriding for all that ride for the right reasons. remember that next time you try to talk about what board or how someone rides it is cooler than another.
@ Mathew
yeah but they don’t have pinkies so they cant hold down shift while they tell you to FUCK OFF!!
jk surf kayaking rules
oh yea, who ever compared snowboarding and skateboarding to any form of waveriding, should be beaten senseless (as if they have any sense at all)…..surfing is not skating or snowboarding, no matter how much you want it to be. its funny how standups claim their air antics stemmed from snowboarding and skating. they wouldnt want anything to do with the sections that bodyboarders hit. bodyboarders can also ride one board for all sizes and conditions, making it suitable to crack big acrobatic airs on any size wave or section. have you seen any surfers do your cool rodeos or gorkin flips while riding 10-12 pumping surf?? nope, and why? because its impossible to hit big sections on rhino chasers brah….not to mention they couldnt land anything in the flats anyway. always safely landing on top of the wave after an air in 2 foot surf. as if you are afraid to get hurt or break a board. you also will never know how it feels to ride a kinetic medium like a bodyboard that flexes and recoils with every curve of the wave. stand up boards go fast and turn well. thats it. good for pointbreaks….. ride waves properly, and ride them with the craft that suits the wave and rider. anyone else wanna say something? cause i just owned all of you and i have plenty more ammo if you wanna bring it…..
@ Mathew,
Next time the waves get small you should ride the log that is trauzersnake’s cock it makes its own wax.
P.s. the wax smells like your moms good night kisses go back to your t-bag forum
sounds like matt’s a little stressed out and angry…common symptoms of penis envy.
Those gorkin flips in pumping 10-12 foot surf are risky too…might catch a serious fin gash that requires multiple stitches..oh wait, they’re uhhh, or might get a broken nose or cracked in the skull by the uhhhhh, soft foam rail….might fall down, uhhh, oh wait, already laying down…….GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh yea, who ever compared snowboarding and skateboarding to any form of waveriding, should be beaten senseless (as if they have any sense at all)…..surfing is not skating or snowboarding, no matter how much you want it to be. its funny how standups claim their air antics stemmed from snowboarding and skating. they wouldnt want anything to do with the sections that bodyboarders hit.
Oh yeah bro your right chucking your self down 20 stairs on to cement cant be as burl as laying on foam in the water and drinking sperm.
my favorite is the one-knee kneeler….that’s hot. I can’t knock it though. I like to walk around my pad, wearing only a swim cap, goggles, and booger swim fins as i act like a jerk off while I’m jerking off. Who’s lookin, huh????
Matt? Matt?? you there? you ok?? Another successful cock-whipping.
I saw Gorkin do a SICK air over a sponger one time.
I don’t think dolphins actually have conventional dicks, so they’re technically not really dick-draggers
Matthew sounds frickin Gnar. I swear that dude scares me a little.
“stand-up boards go fast and turn well”……..all the while standing up. sounds fun to me.
@smyrna
Aw…he’s just another poor soul suffering from penis envy. He said he had plenty of ammo if anyone wanted to bring it. Shit i was just talking with my new buddy meatwad about how david carridine had an unfortunate auto-erotic asphyxiation accident (didn’t say a thing one way or the other about dick-draggers). He must have picked up on it…haven’t heard from him in a while….OMG!!! somebody check the closet and see if matt’s ok!!!!
@ matt
I Got a lotta mo, SUCKA!!!! I got a lotta Mo!!!
While BR has fucked a ferret, he’ll never know the how it feels to have the kinetic medium of a ferret twitching, flexing, and recoiling around every curve, nook, cranny, and polyp of his colon as a result of lubed PVC insertion with a string of 20 lb test, as our friend matt has.
Is there anything funnier than a shark-biscuit-riding girl trying to act tough? Matthew, dear girl, next time you’re taking that two-hour train ride to the beach give a thought to those who have to watch your swim-fins dangle in the air while you spin yet another 360 on the shoulder. The only activity where style counts when you’re lying down is sex. Ironically, a foreign concept to most prone plonkers.
There is some truth in this- Boogers have pioneered a lot of the heavy slabs that the stand up world is now ‘discovering’. All those crazy slabs in Ireland for example…
In addition to your SAT scores please include your surfing preference (booger or standup)
Wow, thats a lot of comments Lewis. Good Work at causing a stink, again. I have been bodyboarding and stand up surfing for over 25 years, found your site 2 weeks ago, love it, keep us laughing bro. All the hate on here sux though, but like the majority of the people in this world, most of your commentors are self loving tough guy posers who are the death of words like neighbouhood and community. Or are these guys trying to be witty and ironic like you, but failing.
BTW, no-one says “I’m going for a bodyboard”, regardless of the surfcraft, everyone says “I’m going for a surf”.
Lol @ Matthew taking this so hard.
There’s this great little juke joint where I live, overlooking the water, and it’s called Arbunckle’s. Raw oysters caught that day in the bay as big as your hand, a buck each; fried pickles, catfish nuggets, crawfish smashed potatoes, and buckets of ice cold amber cervezas on tap. The deck is a great place to sit; view over the marina, constant breeze, pretty girls….and then it never fails: a tourist tosses a patient seagull a hushpuppy or french fry. Then, here they all come - a hurricane of shrill squawking, feathers, bird shit everywhere…same thing every time. And the gulls always check back, eager for that scrap…
Boogie boarders… are seagulls; scavengers that bring nothing; attention-starved parasites that must use provocation because they lack wit.
C’mon, guys; stop feeding the damn seagulls.
Boogie boarders will always bee the bottom-feeding second-hand fecal feasters that they are, and there’s not a gawdamn thing that’ll change that. As long as a stand-up surfer can simply drop in and run your exposed derriere over easier than a cheetah chasing down a narcoleptic sloth, that’s just the way it is. The way it was. The way it will be.
That’s just the way life works. Ask Darwin.
Go cry somewhere else. This cheetah wants a better challenge next time.
take it away
i’m preparing for Brazil.
T Knox -
Go T. Knox !
Taj - GO TAJ !
Parko - GO PARKO !
Dane - nevermind that’s enough.
Rob Machado - GO ROB ! even though you’re off the tour.
I once performed fellatio on a squid.
100!
Dangly Boob Boom, bitches!
I love Taylor Steele movies because they always have the best Pop Punk tracks!!!!!
I hope the new Steele video has a bunch of Good Charlotte and Sum 41 and heaps of other musical kickers of ass.
YES! they kick so much musical ass!
We prefer to see a wave surfed from beginning to end instead of a bunch of quick edits of landing airs on shorebreak that is mushy until the very end where it closes out. A lot of filler in Steele movies. We prefer Jack Mccoy.
@ lovingjewishcouple
CLASSIC!
@ M Says
Shalom!
Lewis,
I’m stoked for you to fly halfway around the world and get a warm welcome from the lid crew in NSW. I hope you don’t post for a month scoring some reef waves the maka’ainana provide the info on. Oarons, jetskis, fashion faggotry, surf schools, gay dance music, hordes of kooks on popouts and art cheater boards and all the other stuff that makes the Ali’i so cool and skillful will still be here, and it will be just as deserving of ridicule. You’re not missing much.
Don’t let the hate based on unwarranted prejudice deceive you from the true beauty of the ocean. Ride waves in a way that make you happy and celebrate the differences that make the people around you happy. I am in heaven looking into Blasphemy Rottmouth’s heart and I can see the pain he’s felt from not receiving Aloha as a child. I welcome all boogieboarders, surfers, SUPers, bodysurfers, kite surfers, and kneeboarders to open your heart to him and poor out your Aloha so he can feel love and let go of his insecurities and fears which are hindering him from loving himself enough to accept those who are different than him in life.
Aloha oukou
DK
@Duke,
I have a heart? Who knew? But I have NEVER let anything hinder my self love. The nice thing about being a man these days - is that you’re always a Kleenex and a bottle of lotion away from ecstasy.
In case you missed the memo:
I’m not going to the heaven where the kites, boogies, etc…fly
I’m going to the lake of fire to fry
Won’t see me again ‘till the 4th of July.
@ Blasphemy Rottmouth
Hey at least all your friends will be there
Aloha Blasphemy Rottmouth,
I can see you’ve decided the path of intolerance and hate that leads to the anal sex train of fire is best suited for you. I will put in a request that you’re placed in between Adolf Hitler and George Bush in the “Little Dick” section. Wouldn’t want anyone to mistake you for a dick dragger.
Aloha oukou,
DK
You guys are funny. Im a standup, and well known by the boys who run the reefs down here in nsw and southcoast. The older generations are all standups but a few boogers are putting in their time and getting the respect of some of us. I have good friends both standups and sponges. When we get out in the water, its not about what we’re riding. We got photogs, sponges and standups all charging hard to get some money on the table. One slip out here and its another 30 minute walk up the trail to another hour ride through the desert. Its not like the commercialized northshore where you battle it out with 50 pros for a chance for a snap in the latest surfer. When i travel, i come across many surfers. When you experience different cultures you understand all your blessings and humble yourself. Surfers i met in california are stuck up on being the best ripper and condoning kooks. These are the guys that make it nowhere, stuck at mommys house in san diego and having fun at sum 2 ft fickle fake reef that pinches on the inside. All you guys hating on others that are just having fun are lames. When you see another booger and your filled with anger, remember, your the kook at that spot. Kooks surf where kooks are. Thats a fact. Where Im at i can give a fuck whos out their cause charging sucking dry shelves on a mcdonalds tray is fucking crazy. And if you are an established pro, you’ll understand that the best photogs from oz to oahu, are mainly bodyboarders. But you kooks wouldnt know this world, and be stuck in your world of 3 ft crumbly point breaks and talking about surfing instead of actually doing it.
I just read on Yahoo that New Smyrna Beach and the North Shore of Oahu are home to the most shark attacks in America.
That is trippy because I live in Smyrna and Mark lives on the North Shore.
This guy Regulator sounds just as Gnar as that guy Matthew. What’s up with these angry bodyboarders? And why are they hating on Diego? That place is killer.
I hear ya Smyrna. In the interest of honorable discourse, maybe I should offer an olive loaf to Mathew and Regulator.
Perhaps my barbs came across a little strong in my last few for some tender underbellies. For that, I must apologize.
Like I said, there’s nothing inherently wrong with boogie boarding. It’s downright cute, if you ask me. It is like watching my son crawl for the first time. I hearken back to that moment with pure elation. My wife and I were sooo excited! We took pictures and videos… even called my parents to tell them how cool and advanced our son had become.
And then he learned to walk. You know something? At that moment, we completely forgot how excited we were when he was worming his way around the house on his belly. Now, he could move about the house in a manner that was infinitely times faster than before. To pardon the cliché: the glass roof had been shattered.
Sure, I see pictures of him on his belly when he was a wee little suckling, and think, “awe, that was such a quaint and endearing epoch in time.” Alas, a fact is a fact.
It’s been seventeen years since the last time I said it on this site, but I’ll say it again: Boogie boarding is like fucking an hermaphroditic Indonesian prostitute with a strap-on jelly dong. It may look like you’re doing it; but in the end…
… It’s just not the same, is it?
Btw, that look that Nathaniel Curran had on his face before jumping off the boat at Chopes for the first time? That’s the look Mark’s mom makes when she frigs herself to fruition with a hardboiled egg.
I shit you not.
We prefer that our potential seed come from a stand up surfer.
We prefer that our seed come from CA, HI, or other location on the western side of any major continent. What is done in FL or Smyrna is hardly called surfing.
This shit is hilarious, I can’t wait til the angry Aussie gets back.
Man!!! Lewis sure is an instigator. Can’t we all just get along? Truth be told, I don’t really care what others ride-I just love to share the joy of my magnificent, massive, meatwhistle.
Dear Blasphemy,
We are pleased to inform you that your profile meets our criteria. However, we did not receive you SAT scores or the date of your bar-mitzvah and the directing Rabbi.
@ Regulator
You can’t be THAT well known by the boys that run the reefs down on the south coast of NSW.
None of us has ever heard of you.
BTW Regulator. You are a fucking retard. Go fuck a feral or a ranga or a koala bear or something. Just take your sorry ass off of Post Surf.
P.S. How is that for regulating?
@Blasphemy 2:47….. brilliant, spot on and the end of this discussion.
Style points to Thurston Fuggery.
Smyrna…. not so much.
Regulator, you are failing your namesake. Grow two legs mate and get off your knees or Trauzer will fill your perfectly positioned mouth. Loving Jewish couple “experimented” with that cock and assures us that you’ll be quite entertained….. and maybe once you get out onto the open space you can spin around for a rotisserie.
Wow, sponging is so versatile!
@ Mike
We salute your comment Mike. Good jab at Regulator or whatever that kook’s name is.
On the Hynd scale we give your comment a solid 6.13
o.k. I know this is late but..@ Steve
BTW, no-one says “I’m going for a bodyboard”, regardless of the surfcraft, everyone says “I’m going for a surf”.
and B.R. does not say “I fucked a ferret last night” he just says “I got laid”
Fuck, I leave for a while and this place goes to shit. Hey, Mark, where’s God to fix all of this now, hey?
Artie there is no way you stayed gone this long without checking in.
Who are you? Lewis? Mike? Stu?
BTW how is Pirate Salsa?
regulator sounds like a real thrill seeker. I bet he performs auto erotic asohyxiation while pvc-inserting live twitching ferrets in his okole whilst free-basing on heroin all with less than 10 seconds before the wife gets home. Who do you guys think is the pitcher/catcher…regulator or mathew?
I’d have to say that mathew is the catcher for sure
@trauzersnake
Matthew is Randy Johnson. Regulator is Johnny Bench.
@ mark
Hehe…no runs, no drips, no errors.
And C isb the third base coach..whatever that means
@Trauzer 10:38pm
Oh yes. Oh yes indeed.
That cocktail is of C’s own recipe; a combination or vodka, Mountain Dew and a fast-acting diuretic that has a side-effect which causes the skin to loosen. It’s similar to the dips that trappers used on beavers before they skinned them. Later, he’s going to take him home and pleasure him orally so that he’s preoccupied when he drives the anesthetic needle fist-deep into his femoral artery.
60 years from now, when the state finds his dead body, half eaten by her corgis, some unfortunate minimum wage government worker will vomit food he hasn’t even eaten yet when he discovers C’s den is lined with dozens of needle point hoops; each one supporting the tanned and tattooed skin of a different douchebag. Two of them - one with a sun and another with a cross - will have tags on them saying “Mathew - PostSurf/June ‘09.”
But, then again, that’s just my brief thought on the matter.
@ BR
LMAO….wow dude.
We need to get some regulation on this Blasphemy Rottmouth fellow.
Trust me. Internet regulation is coming soon and you, mr. Mouth, will be sitting on a street corner in the Tenderloin telling your morbid tales of filth to any old dirtbag that will listen.
You disgust me.
Yeah bros! I’m so amped!
I’ve been looking forward to finding my tribe for so long bros and finally I can tell I’ll fit in here. Blasphemy Rottmouth is so rad and I can totally tell he came up learning everything he knows from me. Fuck those dick draggers bro!!! It’s all about acting crazy on message boards and burning in the lake of fire. I can tell a lot of you guys look up to Lewis too!!! he’s also one of my proteges> the fact that he got fired has nothing to do with the fact that he thought he could get away with writing off surfers that were better than him because he cock gobbled Kelly Slater. It’s really because they were jealous that me, Lewis, and Rottmouth were the future bro. I mean look at the shots from the slab, the board going over the falls looks just like my old cartoon. This is the future where the kookmeyer devil worshiper tribe rules because we can act hard behind aliases on a message board!!! I tip my flat bill and rev my lifted truck engine to all of you who are joined together with me, Lewis, and Rottmouth.
Wilbur)>~
My dearest Wilbur,
Do not fret my little lamb, for I have been spending valuable time the last few weeks on the mountaintop of enlightenment. What I’ve discovered whilst grazing on the footholds of numerous boogie boarding legends on my way to the pinnacle was this:
There is no need to beat your forehead against that brisk wall you call a keyboard. Furthermore, as the words of Kant, Hegel, L. Flint, Derridas, and Charles M. Schultz will surely attest; he who rambles incoherently, rambles last… into the den of flesh-hungered vampires.
As you know, I’ve bathed in the Aegean; smoked woodchuck whiskers with sherpas; and taken wallaby menstrual-discharge enemas with indigenous peoples in the badlands of Bollywood. In other words, you’re feeble arguments hold no weight in this vacuum.
And by all that, I mean dayyyuum! Any of yall’s seen the latest issue of Bootylicious???
Who could leave the house for a few days, let along type coherent comments after witnessing that?
I done been gone baitin’, bitches.
‘Nuff said.
P.S.
Drew Courtney’s chest resembles the shaved SKIN on an anorexic chick’s twat if you left the pubic hair.
And by that, I mean blooorrrfff!
And yes, I trust our fearless leader Lewis, and would bravely follow him into battle; any time, any place.
And by ‘into battle,’ I mean dodge the draft and flee to Costa Rica.
140!!
You will all be happy, for I am leaving tonight for a few days worth of work in tinseltown. Yep, shillin’ for the studios. But they pay me bills, mate.
I’ll be back to annoy the feck out of ya’lls soon enough.
G’night!
F u Blas and Lewis. We don’t want you here. We want these Hermosa barrels all to ourselves.
Regulator - since when did the south coast of nsw have desert? that wave is 20 minutes from a hospital. sorry bro…
amazing amazing v amazing amazing amazing
you just read all this crap
now whos the REAL kooks?
im digraced to call myself a standup surfer
FYI, I can’t see this correctly on the latest Halon browser.
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