As mentioned, Google Analytics grants me the magical power of viewing search terms that result in a visit to PostSurf.
Last month, I shared some of the questions that readers had typed in to the "the google" before clicking through to PostSurf.
Recent review has revealed some additional intriguing search terms that are worthy of our consideration.
The following queries resulted in visits to PostSurf:
"shaun collins" listed on craigslist
kelly slater tesla metaphysics
i am a kook shirt
who punched lewis samuels
yowhore
"boom boom pow"+"equalizer"
"laird boobs"
am i a hipster faggot
am I a kook?
billabong kook-a-nut boardshort
chafed penis from boardshorts
christopher cote bass boats
dealing surf assholes san diego
difference between a surfer and a seal image
dog wait while i surf
friend teaching me to surf is a douche
help am not good in comprehension quizzes
hipsters disabled individuals
how much ass crack ok to show with board shorts
how many surf photographers die each year
leper ex-stripper
sperm shark surprised schoolgirl tubes
stand up paddle prius
surf the jew
wanking for purity
why do any 1 want 2 join journalism
Boring.
Post request:
Analyze Jamie Obrian’s twitter account with this tool…
and report your findings.
to the eternally relevant question of how much ass crack we can show with our board shorts, I can only reply: If you’ve never burned your coin slot you should be ashamed to call yourself a surfer. Sure its ugly, sure it ruins photos and makes babies cry, but there is beauty in the perversity.
As for jews who surf, the relative size of their population and dispersion can be compared more or less commensurately to that of the great white sperm shark. Rare, but ferocious creatures, both.
Finally, only the people who want 2 join journalism are those who are either crazy, terminally mal-adjusted, or simply incapable of withstanding the nine to five. Still, as I type this from a breezy cafe with pretty waitresses and free wi-fi across the street from my slum, I can tell you that it aint an entirely bad gig.
im gonna need to set the snooze button after reading this.
epic.
@ted,
What lemon of a botanist, or who ever names species, came up with the name Sperm Whale or Sperm Shark?
Fareak!!!
@ help am not good in comprehension quizzes
Obviously, multiple choice tests are not your thing. As if further evidence was needed, you decided to follow the link to postsurf.com despite the myriad of sensible alternatives resulting from your google. I suggest professional tutoring.
So what about my bass boats?
come watch my new band this Wednesday night at The Saloon in Encinitas at 9:00 (self promotion … weird)
I’m surprised there aren’t any searches along the lines of “Mark Hawaii uneducated God sucker”.
*Stu: you’re an idiot.
-please reread.
Stu has gone after Mark for his political and religious beliefs, and educational level. (Mike too, but let’s talk Stu.)
To mock Mark’s right wing politics, puts Stu onto the left side of the spectrum. Liberal? Democrat? Etc.? Some moderate version of the left?
But on the left to be sure.
Equality. Empathy. Tolerance. Acceptance.
These are some Left’s ideals, right? Eliminating classes in society (or at least reducing their separation).
And yet Mark accurately points out, Stu has “contempt for [Mark's] lack of education.”
–Perhaps Mark had some disadvantages? Life intervened with his educational plans? Maybe he chose not to do further studies? Maybe he came from a family/community/class that didn’t stress or value education?
Shouldn’t he be evaluated (w)holistically?
All of these possible scenarios are acceptable, correct, Mr. Lefty? We are to have empathy for the conditions that may have influenced his outcome? We are not superior for having continued our schooling, right?
Hmmmm…
Empathy; a core left spectrum tenant. Look it up, or…here:
“the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.”
Compare that definition to what Mark requests of Stu, “Stu I would like to challenge you to change your ways and try to see things from a different perspective than your own.”
Are you getting it Stu (and Mike)? He asked you to be empathetic, something someone who mocks his politics should already be.
Mark is actually quiet forgiving, patient, and accepting of the malice sent his way from Stu (and Mike) and the rest of the sheep who seldom comment, but who when do, imitate the approach of some regulars.
Also, isn’t it INtolerant and UNaccepting to tolerate and accept all but Christians and/or conservative minded people? People free to think anyway they like?
Mark’s occasional reactionary rantings may fall short of the Christian ideal, but that is actually the beauty of his belief. He admits his fallibility to meet ideals, yet is forgiven.
Stu (and Mike) constantly fall short of their empathetic, accepting, and tolerant ideals every time they judge as social, educational, and ideological elitists. Very unliberal and un-Democratic.
Stu says: I have nothing original to add. I have nothing insightful to say. I know, I’ll take a stab at Mark. Phew, thank Nothingness for the easy way out.
JOB is a tool. why do people care about the dumb shit that guy says using twatter? good luck getting him to public service. maybe he could warn people to protect ther ears from Cote’s band!
check it Samuels interview. coupel days old
Hey Mark, if it’s that easy to be forgiven, it should work for me too, right? Whaddya know - I feel better already!
True story: I was contemplating a model of a sperm whale eating a giant squid at the National Museum of Natural HIstory (Motto: you kill it, we’ll stuff it) just last week when my friend, who it should be noted only speaks English as a second language asked:
“Que tipo de ballena es?”
“It’s a sperm whale,” I replied.
She looked at me, blankly.
“Why would they name a whale that?”
I hadn’t the foggiest idea.
And Mark thinks I have nothing to add:
The Sperm Whale was named after the milky-white semiliquid waxy substance “spermaceti” found in its head and originally mistaken for sperm. The name derives from the late Latin sperma ceti (sperma is actually a loan word from Greek) meaning ’sperm of the whale’ (strictly, ’sperm of the sea monster’). The common name for the species is actually an apocopation of Spermaceti Whale.
The substance is not of course the whale’s semen; it was mistaken for such by early whalers. Spermaceti is found in the spermaceti organ or case in front of and above the skull of the whale and also in the so-called junk which is right at the front of the whale’s head just above the upper jaw. The case consists of a soft white substance saturated with spermaceti. The junk is a more solid substance.
The precise function of spermaceti and the organs it fills is not known yet, but the role of spermaceti as a sexual selector is currently the most in vogue.
Spermaceti was much sought after by 18th, 19th and 20th century whalers. The substance found a variety of commercial applications, such as watch oil, automatic transmission fluid, lubricant for delicate high altitude instruments, cosmetics, additives in motor oils, glycerine, rust-proofing compounds, detergent, chemical fibers, vitamins and 70 or more pharmaceutical compounds.
i’ll be damned. That is one of the more interesting things I’ve read all day. Now If we could just find out about those pesky sperm sharks…
@ Stu
Well done, but cite your sources son. If I may add, the role of the spermaceti is first and foremost that of a highly evolved bio-acoustic organ. Sexual dimorphism in size is certainly a secondary adaptation (the organ was evolutionarily co-opted, if you will). Really quite an amazing beast. Very hard for your average surfer to observe in the wild, due to the deep water in which they inhabit. But, if you’re ever in New Zealand, you might be able to see one from shore around the Kaikura area due to the steep bathymetry there. Sperm sharks on the other hand are quite cosmopolitan in their distribution.
Sorry PacNW - just pulled it from a quick look at
Credit to me unless there are mistakes, in which case it’s the author’s fault.
First off, Stu, I am not Mark.
Second off, cite your sources (without it first being requested).
Still unoriginal. In order to circumvent your one contribution (mocking Mark), you plagiarize whale facts.
Such versatility!
Stu pulled a Blasphemy Rotmouth.
That’s an automatic 0 in my classroom.
who cares about any of that. I got you to repost what one thoughtful supporter called the most boring post on the internet, ever. I win AND God loves me!
I too am interested in ex-strippers who are also lepers. Do their torsos give you lap dances while their legs remain affixed to the pole? As for the stand up paddle prius, it’s obviously a referendum on the latest advancements in gasoline efficient car-surfboards. My only question would be whether or not the paddle fits in the cupholder.
Hipsters disabled individuals also piques my interest. I have no idea what it means but for some reason the phrase conjures images of a glue factory and the horses led to slaughter there, except the horses bear an eerie semblance to a vat of melting Alex Knosts.
I’m also fairly certain Jay Mariotti from ESPN’s 11:00 AM show “Around the Horn” is bald and wears an expensive wig to disguise it.
@Stu
I love the way you describe your idiocy as “any of that”.
Stu=cum dumpster.
Ha on Stu getting slammed. What a fucknut.
Stu and BR, undone by their own folly. Classic.
Responses?
BR, silent.
Stu, kicking and screaming like a whiny bitch.
As Hugh G. Rection put it, Stu=cum dumpster.
Hugh G. Rection @ 3:15, Comment of the Week.
busy day in Hawaii, eh Mark?
As a corollary, I’d like to submit my discovery of the endangered ’sperm python’ to the discussion. As far as I know, there has only been one sighting in recorded history: 18 inches long, 6.5 inches in circumference, pinkish-brown and veiny, known to rear up ferociously in response to female attention and a particularly insightful PostSurf blog/comment. Known habitats and places of origin include my boxers and, on occasion, your mothers’ tea parties. I’d post pictures, but they’ve been known to incite nightmares and severe jealousy.
Mark must be off today and his legs so tired from tuberiding for 6 straight days that he decided to lash out against Stu, shameful.
In Defense is an interesting choice for Mark’s pen name…. perpetual feeling of guilt inspires a person of “faith” to project the evil which resides within thee. Classic shell game played upon oneself, the result of a theology based on fear.
The joke is that my name was pulled through the mud in a desperate attempt to make the projection relevant…. add in the circular logic leading to the ideological vacuum and you’ve accurately identififed Mark Jones as In Defense.
And for that mental illness I know, even Stu is emphathetic.
Lewis, why no shameless self promotion of the ESPN interview? I did not even have TWS to link me to it.
Nonetheless, I enjoyed it. ‘Broken record writers’ like Bill Simmons could learn a thing or two from you.
What a bunch of fuckwit comments. Like being trapped on a boat between swells with a bunch of homoerotic, undereducated, Aussie zoophiles.
The espn article was killer. Funny that they have some of the most hardcore articles of any site in surfing. Surf dollars are dirty strip club dollar bills to espn. Nice change of pace and no surf bro balzac licking.
Yes, great interview. Very, very well done.
“In terms of the bigger picture, the ASP is really vulnerable right now. They need a good race. They’ve been hit hard on all these different fronts: the economy, Rabbit Bartholomew stepping down as ASP president, Andy Irons imploding, Kelly competitively imploding instead of going for title 10, and now all this dissent in terms of the new format. And from a cultural perspective, a lot of emphasis is being put back on surfing as art instead of sport. Dane Reynolds is very emblematic of that - he doesn’t care about contests, he cares about how surfing feels, and he seems more interesting in shooting pictures and being a surf hipster a la Thomas Campbell. Dane was supposed to be the savior for the ASP. Right now I’d imagine the ASP is just hoping to weather the storm in 09, and that in 2010 Slater and Andy will come back full force as the younger kids step up.”
That right there. And my fucking ’source’, was ESPN you dimwits.
you really aren’t going to take on the da hui video letter to the tahitians?
you’re on a surf trip ?
how about posting a video of yourself surfing !
This is my first comment today.
The waves on Oahu have been beyond description for 9 consecutive days. Barrels galore.
See you later,
Mark
@ Mark. Just saw the cam. Enjoy.
@Lazer;Hugh G. Rection
I will sword fight you any time, any place-it’ll be like some sick steven segall movie….he he cum dumpster, I’m stealing that one.
Whales, Sperm filled or not, should collectively bow down on their flippers every night and pray to G_d in thanks that man discovered the ability to refine crude oil into products.
So should every surfer.
Occy’s Mum says:
“What a bunch of fuckwit comments. Like being trapped on a boat between swells with a bunch of homoerotic, undereducated, Aussie zoophiles”.
In other words, your son.
Lazer and Hugh G. Rection should bow down in defeat and pay homage to my to my sperminating vein-laden meatpipe.
lol @ people Googling other people here.
Leave my son out of this Lou Dobbs. (But you have a point.)
I googled “Blasphemy Rottmouth” and found this:
Lame dude, lame.
@Trazuer:
I’ve been trying to sell a C List cheesy / horror screenplay in tinseltown for the last few days, and I come back to THIS?
What a bunch of internet amateurs. People whining because I poached a few paragraphs from a psyche paper that’s been available for years online? What rock HAVE you people been living under?
At least I took the time to edit the bastid to fit the god-forsaken format of the question some thoughtless shithead typed as “write more about the Wolpak.”
Hmmm? MMMokay! Game on children!
Whoever lifted that passage before me is on his own. But jeebus, you all act like you’re a bunch of pansy Christians who’ve never listened to ‘the other shoulder.’ I listened, acted, and responded like any good cannibalist would have done. The rest of you? Cowering silence.
If that’s the case, I’ll leave you all to the genius wits of Bob Dobbs, Dees, and In Defense for their stellar contributions to this site.
P.s.
I’ll drop a line when my next straight-to-video Sci-Fi channel movie gets picked up.
Until then, if you see a milky white slug slithering through your lineup anytime soon, give me a hollah… and don’t fear the trail of your girlfriend’s quim behind me.
Maybe you should lower your sights to D-list? Straight to cable?
I lowered my sights, and all I could see was Trazersnake’s mother’s labia, dangling from the Sear’s Tower.
Trauzer, please, we all know this ain’t grade school. And who gives a fuck where BR draws his genius? There is some good D-list shit out there by the way. Kala in Forgetting Sarah Marshall? Brother can ACT. Umm, yeah. Can’t decide who was better, that stupid fuck or my son in Point Break.
You know what would be REALLY funny? Is if some of the peripheral muckrackers here, like Dees or Many Fay would actually put forth a comment or two that was either meaningful or humorous.
You know, contribution instead of internal combustion.
Sitting back and sniping away like uncircumcised bats peeing into a thimble just becomes ponderous upon my eyes as I skim past your seeping polyp’s mewling.
pull your heads out and go over to the darkside to check out jordys rodeo flip video on scumline. It’s worth corrupting your soul to see it. First one I’ve seen that looks like the real deal. Reckon he raised the bar with that one to a completely new level.
Funniest part is all the groms commenting and just reeking with envy
@jiggy jig
That was a sweet air. I don’t care if it took him five times… or fifteen times… or thirty two times…
… I couldn’t do it.
But, I would have had a hell of alot of fun on those thirty two waves doing my own thing - while he kept trying!
Eh, bra!
not an original move but a move done with great originality. Or, as the old saying goes, “talent hits a target no one else can hit, genius hits a target no one else can see.”
Peace and Love, Peace and Love.
B.R. Very true. I wouldn’t want to waste a wave of that quality. Too precious. For the first time a video clip just made me feel really fucking old. There is no way to even pretend to pretend to myself that I could hit one like that. Seemed like a paradigm shift in airs to me. Looked like a “Tony Hawk or Shaun White on his best day ever kind of fluidness” Never been a huge Jordy fan (except for anal cougar exploits) but Hail the new King.
By tomorrow morning three fourths of the ASP will be contemplating what they will do with their lives after surfing.
Jordy ain’t the new King yet, but I’d bet more than a few of my remaining taint hairs that he’s willing to light a few more blue-flames of passion than Dane is to earn that title.
It’s like Kobe vs. LeBron. Kobe just earned another title. But LeBron may have learned from just enough from his tour on the Olympic Team to take his otherworldy talen to the next level.
Or, he could be the next Darko Milicic.
Either way, I’ll have fun watching.
I misspelled more in that last line than Bob Dobbs did while thinking about his midnight snack.
Fuck!
Speaking of which, wasn’t Shaun Collin’s the point of this post? It seems to have been missed by many here. As usual. However, I have something to add (go ahead, Google it). I’ll spin a yarn that starts:
As much as I enjoy writing comment after comment about Sean Collins, the fact remains that the type of Maoism that Sean preaches is a sort of moral gonorrhea. So, without further ado, I present you with this all-important piece of information: Some day, Sean’s crafty provocateurs may ask you why you think it’s a good idea to raise a stink about Sean and his postmodernist, supercilious asseverations. If you’re too stunned to answer immediately they’ll answer for you, probably stating that Sean is a refined gentleman with the soundest education and morals you can imagine. You should therefore be prepared to tell these unruly, unregenerate control freaks that Sean’s fairy tales reek of exhibitionism. I use the word “reek” because Sean’s arguments would be a lot more effective if they were at least accurate or intelligent, not just a load of bull for the sake of being controversial.
Contrary to what Sean would have you believe, if he got his way, he’d be able to cause this country to flounder on the shoals of self-interest, corruption, and chaos. Brrrr! It sends chills down my spine just thinking about that. He fully intends to eviscerate freedom of speech and sexual privacy rights. Heh heh, I know. But that’s not enough, not for him. Sean will additionally set the wolf to mind the sheep, which is why I insist that there is a proper place in life for hatred. Hatred of that which is wrong is a powerful and valuable tool. But when Sean perverts hatred in order to do away with intellectual honesty, it becomes clear that I believe in “live and let live”. Sean, in contrast, demands not only tolerance and acceptance of his ideas but endorsement of them. It’s because of such vindictive demands that I myself contend that I would never take a job working for him. Given his pesky wheeling’s and dealings, who would want to? Unfortunately, I can already see the response to this comment. Someone, possibly Sean Collins himself or one of his apostles at Surfline – like Many Fay, or Erik, or Cocksucker Jr., will write a stolid piece about how utterly wanton I am. If that’s the case, then so be it.
What I just wrote, sorely needed to be written, and more importantly, needed to be heard.
Sincerly,
Blasphemy Hourglass Rottmouth, XIII
Boom!
I’m an intellectual. Jess like the next Heidegger or Hind!!
Like I said, Google THAT shit…
Ahhhh.
Maybe NOW…
You see…
mindless grasshoppha.
Where did everyone go?
heh heh.
Okay.
Look what time it is, BR! Way after everyone’s bedtime…. Anyway, great effort. I’m not going to google your SC tirade. Not quite as good as the one from HCWDB.com. Nothing creative or constructive to add this morning, so just a quick shout to Lewis for the great ESPN interview, and now I’m off to translate the sub-titles for the newest episode in the EUROFORCE series. It’s a look back at last year’s Fiji comp. Not that the vast majority of you will care, but if you do you’ll find it on your 3 favorite sites (Surfline, Quiksilver, ASP) sometime soon.
BR in full meltdown. The labia comment reads like a 4th rate hack. He is nothing without google.
@Dave Mailman,
My three favorite sites are goathumpers.com, frothfrolickingwithtoads.com, and bearswithpeanutscat.com…
… so, no go.
back to ‘baitin’.
@I Hate Liars…
Way to join the party late… gunt-cheese.
So, BR, Firefox could only find goathumpers.com, which had a rather disturbing pentagram/goat logo, and a denial message because I hadn’t signed up as a member… Didn’t have the balls to do it. The others were a no go… Do I need a secret password for them too? Anyway, I think I’m just going to go read Lewis’ interview on ESPN, again. Sweet dreams, BR!
Holy shit! He’s….. He’s.. Lewis is actually a freedom fighter!
We came across this picture. Was the south side of Morro Rock a wave before the jetty was built? The north side has never left much of an impression with us.
Blasphemy Rottmouth says:
“the genius wit of Bob Dobbs”.
Thank you, sir.
Make Love and War.
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