As mentioned in the "Pro Surfer Type 58" post, until a pro surfing emerges from the shadows to end debate about the order of pro surfer species, we’ll have to muddle through classification efforts on a case-by-case basis.
Enviro-Pros are already a well established, flourishing pro species. These gentle, cunning creatures compensate for a lack of surfing prowess by leveraging a genuine (or convincingly acted) concern for the environment. Formerly succesful pro surfers who can't do rodeo flips have been known to embrace enviromental causes, instead of having their aging bodies dragged into snuff film ledges.
Dolphin-petting photoshoots are easier on the knees than tow-ins at Jaws.
As one pro surfer species successfully leverages a swelling trend to find success in the industry ecosystem, a unique opportunity is created for even less-talented pros: they can exploit the backlash against a trend.
Case in point: The Anti-Enviro Pro. While Enviro Pros marry glorified dugongs and then carve alaias from reclaimed bits of driftwood, all the while wearing recycled boardies, Anti-Enviro Pros use up as much petroleum as possible.
Anti-Enviro Pros jump on carbon-costly flights at the first hint of a swell, and then use SUVs to tow their PWCS to the beach, where PWCs tow them into hell-waves on PUs made in China.
Aussie Andrew Mooney is raising the stakes when it comes to being an Anti-Enviro-Pro. Burning up our planet's resources and fucking our grandchildrens' future by towing in at Shipsterns (as seen below) is just the tip of the iceberg for Mr. Mooney.
Enviro-Pro-bros might whine that Mooney is scaring away endangered sea life via his "extreme" PWC shenanigans.
Yet Mr. Mooney, seemingly unsatisfied with scaring gentle sea creatures unintentionally via tow-surfing, has raised the stakes significantly via a new pursuit:
Extreme Mexican Turtle Harassment.
I'm not a marine biologist, but I suspect chasing a sea turtle with a fishing boat, then jumping off said boat in an attempt to wrestle said turtle into submission may be stressful for the turtle.
Just a hunch. (As for identifying the species of turtle, I believe it's an Olive Ridley - currently as endangered on the Pacific Coast of Mexico.)
Editor's Note: Mr. Mooney has removed the video of himself and friends violating sea turtles from his vimeo account. Very mysterious... Nothing shouts "not guilty" louder than destroying evidence...
Still, credit must be given to Mr. Mooney for effective use of and accounts to create buzz around his personal brand of Anti-Enviro Pro Surfer.
If you can't do rodeo flips like Jordy Smith, towing death-Shippies and raping sea turtles is an admirable path to notoriety.
One suggestion: up the ante by encorporating "spit the winkle," carved ivory fins, and boarshorts made from genuine panda fur.
don’t touch turtles in hawaii. you’ll die
if Surfers were serious about caring for the environment, they would ditch the polyurethane foam and/or epoxy boards and stick with entirely wood boards & their derivatives.
if you don’t know what i’m talking about, follow the various materials used in the surfboard-manufacturing process cradle to grave. live next to the factories, follow the truck that hauls away the factory’s garbage and see where it ends up.
when a surf contest does carbon offsets, they’re just wanking.
Lewis,
Your Bolinas hippie poo glitter roots come out–have you ever eaten sea turtle? I bet you haven’t, don’t knock it until you try it. No joke I have (in Nicaragua) and despite the endangered-ness of it, it was the fucking greatest meal I have ever eaten in my life, like punch your mom in the face good, like rebuild the gas chambers and have the nazis gas turtles good because it fucking tastes like gold carpaccio wrapped in a waffle deep fried and covered in a hickory glaze.
I heart my carbon footprint,
I am not an expert but it seems pretty weird that all of these surf companies that are on the current green bandwagon have made a lot of their gear in places like China that have extremely lax environ mental laws. They do that so they can have bigger profits right? Because labor is so cheap over there.
So when we see all of these marketing schemes where the surf companies are assuring us that they are green is that simply because they want todays alleged green thinking surfer to keep buying their product or are they really concerned about the environment? And when they brag about board shorts being green friendly are those shorts still being made in countries with super lax environmental laws? If so then that would seem to be the ultimate in hypocricy.
Like I said i am not an expert and I would love someone from the surf industry to reply and assure me that these green claims are legitimate. Otherwise I would rather buy from a company that just straight up says yeah we make our shit in China to have bigger profits and we aren’t going to bullshit you. Making money is our bottom line. Not being green.
Isn’t everyone tired of being sold a bullshit line? I know I am.
yet you still vote republican…
I second I’m tired of the green bullshit. ps my dad ate sea turtle back in the day when it wasn’t on the list, he said its amazing. Though I do respect that we don’t eat them now cause there endangered, so why don’t you stay in Nicaragua you fuckin turtle rapist(jk).
Turtles are people too. Where I come from, there are only two reasons to mess with an animal and those are (i) to kill it and eat it, or (ii) to study it and help conserve the population. The obvious exception is of course cow-tipping.
Lewis, just as my reply to your post would be made more relevant by virtue of posting under my real name, your post itself would be even poignant and funnier had you posted from the perspective of your true ability as a surfer; in other words, from the more humble perspective which acknowledges that, despite its unconventional pedigree, Dave Rastavich’s surfing is far superior to your own. If you had, just this once, peppered your seething stew of insult with even just a dash of humility, it would be palatable.
Ultimately, to infer that Dave Rastovich lacks surfing prowess undermines your credibility as a surf journalist. Rasta may be the archetype for the ex-pro surfer cum groovy envibromentalist, but he’s allowed such freedom within the corporate ranks precisely because of his uncanny surfing prowess. If the question arose: “What came first, the causes or the carves?”, your answer would have to be: “The carves.”
Furthermore, your use of a parenthetical quip insuating Rasta’s disingenuousness lowers the height of the surf pulpit from which you preech to a new nadir.
Congratulations. This post is the Nisshin Maru of surf journalism.
I agree with Mark that anything made in China is part of the problem and unless proven otherwise - those products should be labeled the opposite of green. I’ve been there and bathed in the filth of those factories, and it isn’t pretty. Unfortunately (he types on a keyboard made in China), we are all sell-outs to one extent or another.
@ Hugh Jass
What do you know about the Nisshin Maru? Not disagreeing with your take on Rasta’s surfing, but I’m missing the connection in your last statement.
@ PacNW
Just as the Nisshin Maru, Lewis’ post floats in treacherous waters for dubious reasons.
@ Hugh Jass
Or, just like a whaling nation, it entered into a lawful agreement, and that agreement was left unfulfilled because the players in power later reneged when they realized it meant upsetting a small but influential minority.
I would have thought that a better analogy would have been that this is the Sea Shepard of surf journalism. That is, it isn’t about conservation at all, just generating press.
@ PacNW
Cow tipping. Good one. BTW I changed my mind about Portland but thanks for the advice anyway.
@ Hugh Jass
As hard as it is I have to agree about Lewis’s downgrading of Rasta’s ability. The guy rips and also charges hard at Backdoor. It is one thing to belittle his greenness but implying that he isn’t that great of a surfer does nothing but hurt Lewis’s credibility. Kind of like having a link to the New York Times on your blog does.
@ Mark
I think my only advice to you was to learn how to ski and always have a beer ready for me if you moved here. But, your appreciation for my sage guidance is duly noted. We’ve been having a pretty fun run of surf up here (as I’m sure most places have been too), with water temps in the 60s lately and sunset sessions lasting past 10pm. Cheers.
@ Stu…. thanks, I was away from my desk so I missed the obvious. Fuck south wind.
@ Mark Corporatism values profit and anonymous investment, stocks. Greed is the mission statement. Republicanism is the vehicle to reduce humanity for greed… a massive transfer of wealth from the middle class. Walmart is essentially a Chinese distributor. Nike, Levi’s, Billabong, Quik, you name it.
The only weapon humanity has to fight back is our dollars. Spend them with single proprietors as often as possible and instead of thinking green, think fair trade. Monsanto wants to control all food production in the USA. Everywhere you look, business wants to grow at your expense, but we ultimately control our personal money decisions.
Considering Retro garbage boardshorts are running in the Mid 50’s…. find a local seamstress and ask her to copy a pair of trunks that you like. You’ll be patronizing local people and you won’t have to advertise someone who is ripping you off with slave labor overseas. I found a woman to sew me new trunks for 30 bucks a pair and she’s feeding her kids…..
10′@8seconds here. With the first hard rain come the first turtle tracks in the sand early am. Also first tracks of dogs and people that dawn patroled the turtle eggs. Turtle meat plenty tender. Turtles not so many anymore. Chicken meat ok, plenty in the market. Speaking of green, how many people can walk the same distance as the bike path to the trestle to surf from where they live (like therefore not needing to start a car to get to the beach)? By the way, who is that masked turtle fucker? I thought it was mermaids. Did someone discover that turtles don’t talk back?
@ Mike
Good advice.
And I didn’t even need a dictionary to understand it.
In my neighborhood we do something very similar, but we use Pickup trucks!
@ Mike
Well said. Well done. Wish it was warm enough to wear artisan trunks here.
@ dedo
I am extremely guilty of driving to surf. Every time I fill my tank, I pour a little out for the electric car. But it still makes me sad.
@ Mike
@ stu
@ Bob
@ John
@ unicorns
@ fred
i used to live in the cayman islands and they have a turtle farm where they raise some to let go, but the majority are to be slaughtered and eaten. i ate turtle, and all you guys saying it is the best meat you ever eaten, you need to eat better meat than mcdonalds beef.
as for all the @ ______ i just thought that would be fun because everyone else was doing it.
Anyone who eats turtle=cum dumpster
trauzersnake +1
Wish I was in Bali. Fuckers.
Don’t eat pets for one (asians, I’m looking at you) and don’t eat animals just because you can. Completely retarded douchebaggery…
Lewis, I don’t think anyone here knows what spitting the winkle is. What a shame. Its a lost art once performed upon ASP judges.
Hey Fuck-tards, he didn’t say anything about Rasta….
Rasta took the easy way out. He could be top 5 talent, or maybe top ten, or maybe even a world champ. (Remember this site was born from power rankings of the pro-tour so spare me all the “competition isn’t the only measure of talent greeniebro rants. It is the only true measure of talent in the sport.
The truth is, will never know the extent of Rastas competitive surfing talent because he never stepped up to the plate. I’m sure there are “Babe Ruths” out there who have never touched a bat. Do they count? Nope. Not for shit. Is it even worse to be a fringe element media boy milking manatees and putting lotion on turtles nipples every time they get a rash dragging themselves up the beach while claiming world class talent? Yep. It’s like some guy doing baseball videos where he hits ball out of the park and does adds for gloves and bats like he’s a contender but come game time he is running around telling everyone not to tear up the grass with their cleats because it leads to global warming. And flying around the world to different stadiums to do so.
Wanna be green? Stay the fuck home and grow vegetables. Bodysurf naked with no fins. Get a normal job in your hometown and do volunteer work or some shit. Don’t prance around the world acting like buddhas bitch and preaching holier than thou bullshit about “saving the earth”. You are the problem, not the solution. Don’t go posing in adds that sell petro boardshorts while riding a “wooden finless board shaped on location” in some far flung indo spot that is being destroyed by “eco surf tourism” unless you fucking swam there from Sydney and carved the plank with your own teeth.
“green pro surfers” are the ultimate hypocrites. Should I buy their products because Rasta brushes his teeth with turtle shit? Not so much. The only joy the surf industry ever brought me was selling 50,000 shares of zqk short right before it plunged to fuck all. Took the money, bought a hummer, went to Bali and had a turtle steak and some satay eagle.
By the way, my “uncles” were guys like Harry Hackman and Jose Angel and and they used to bring home huge turtles and we ate them on the north shore in the 60s. Tasted great and kept the shark population down. Before leashes, before sponsors, before 4oz cloth, before thrusters, before internet surf checks, before Blue Crush, back when sex on the north shore was two minutes alone in the shower with a fresh bar of ivory and a callused hand.
Back when men were men and turtles were scarce.
Of course our boards sucked and so did our surfing.
But man, those turtles knew their place.
@ jiggy jig
Comment of the Weak.
My only concern is that since my 10 year old daughter sleeps in our bedroon with us sex on the north shore for me is still 2 minutes alone in the shower.
Not that there is anything wrong with that.
I meant Week. Not weak. Sorry.
And the water pressure sucks.
Coff’s harbor, 1978…. some new “bro’s” brang cartons of beers over to our back yard and I witnessed spitting the winkle for the first and only time. Being a survivalist, I pretended to go piss and hiked a mile to pass out in the sand. I had been told it was an urban legend and I left Coff’s the next morning….
The North shore was rustic in those days and girls were like diamonds, inexistent. And the water pressure sucks making my showers closer to 4 minutes, plus time to clean. Jiggy is spot on.
Mark has his daughter sleeping in the same room as his wife and him. What has republicanism done for you Mark? You’ve voted against your best interest, duped by a church that protects it’s tax exemption status more than it’s flock.
Imagine someone as good as Kobe milking Nike without playing in the NBA? Rasta, Bruce, Andy, JOB, and soon Dane. Milking the corporate well…. for the time being. Boycott the surf industry and watch how graceful these boys are as they fall to earth.
Spend your money locally. Why finance Paul Naude’s trip to Tav? What has he done for you? Ripped you off on slave labor goods and then lying about the number of shampoo’s he had at Cloudbreak.
What Mike? Can’t handle a little Aussie good humor?
BTW I sacrifice a spacious home with many bedrooms for a shack with a panoramic view of the glorious North Shore. My son is in the other of 2 bedrooms but he is gone a lot. Thanks for doing your best to make me feel like a loser.
And Mike. I have surfed quality waves 40 times in the past 60 days. How about you? Stu?
so what happened to the trtle video? someone from quik saw the post and contacted mooney in a panic to get the video offline??
Scoreboard Mark, I don’t surf anymore. You win, I’ll vote for war, torture, corporate malefesance, tax shelters, and Rupert Murdoch. Will that break our flat spell?
Aussie good humor?
If you are happy, you are not a loser. Stay in Hawaii and don’t let your family know the sacrifice for you getting good surf. California is done.
Though I did surf my point yesterday, waist high rights were like a gift from heaven. Pathetic.
Before any of you shits comment….
Close out swells with eddy winds and massive crowds finding Lowers together is not a swell worth noting. And Malibu, even shitty esoteric “secret” spots were so freaking crowded. Point Dume had 42 guys out on Tuesday last week. 42. And none could surf, total cluster fuck. I used to solo the place.
On my way down, County line was completely packed and shitty. The party has been crashed and the new guests don’t care because none can surf, don’t know any better.
And the northern OC beachbreaks couldn’t handle the direction. Neither could Oceanside.
A lot of driving and I’m lucky to have work to keep me occupied. Density has reached it’s tipping point.
Having a chuckle that the turtle video was deleted.
County Line packed and shitty… It must be summer, or spring, or winter, or fall.
My take on Rasta. Do all the Billabong events through the year and give the prize money to charities. Yeah, competing is not that cool in some circles but, by know means is it bad. Step up Rasta. The people who pay your bills want to see it.
I think rastovich is ok. The guy obviously surfs very well, and he also appears to have some sort of intelligent penchant for being a spokesman for environmental causes. At least he’s making some sort of positive effort in the world (more than most of us dickheads can say, especially smyrna). So maybe he can’t do faggety looking rodeo flips and other rotational-gyrational bull, who gives a fuck? Who should bong sponsor, Jim G??? because he’s the ultimate authority on competitive surfing, he knows for a fact that there’s no god, and he would NEVER paddle out at a named spot if he wasn’t considered a “good surfer?” Looks like someone with some sort of pull recognizes rastovich as a good surfer.
I like dophins, I like clear, clean water-good thing there’s a guy like rastovich, as oppposed to Jim G.
Personally witnessed Billabong having a comp in west java and then leaving the beach littered with trash when it was done. Sure I don’t expect the Indonesians to clean it up, they’re clueless on environmental stuff. But Billabong (and their expat contest organizer), with all their eco-posing, should have walked the walk.
@jiggy jig: spot on about rasta
@occy’s mum: cheers from bali! Surfed Ulu’s this morning :)
I LIKE TURTLES. EXOTICS LIKE TURTLES ARE EXPENSIVE. THEY NEED A LOT OF CARE AND FOOD. YOU CANAT HOLD THEM LIKE A DOG OR CAT OR CLIZARD BECAUSE THEY HAVE BACTERIA AND ARE NOT CLEAN. THEY ARE EXOTIC PETS BUT NOT MY DREAM PET.
Dont you guys have anything better to do than sit on here and bitch about this shit? If you’ve got something so important to say, why arent you out there doing something about it.
@Sam
Aah the typical ‘better things to do’ comment. A great way to end any discussion or exchange of information. Does this mean you’re going to post this same reply to every posting on this blog? I will be looking forward to reading them!
@ Sam
Thanks for reminding me. No I don’t at the moment. Turtles only come out here after it rains at night. No rain last night. My job is done.
Hey!! Internet Policeman Sam is here to save us!
Cheese it, guys. The cops!
What’s wrong with us? We’re missing chromosomes, Sam. There’s your answer. We’re ape-men with hairy noses who would just love to dress up in Eco-shorts, take plane rides all over the world while getting paid by big corporate sponsors with big carbon footprints, and pose with “our” sticker covered boards every time a camera shows up.
You’ve got us, Sam. Those guys are livin’ La Vida Loca, baby, and we want some! So instead, we satisfy our dissatisfaction with having to whack off in our moms’ basements by making fun of the coolest guys that ever graced a digital camera or YouTube clip with their images.
In short, we just suck. Thanks for asking…
Can anyone deny that human beings have adversely affected the planet since the industrial revolution and it’s giving the Earth some serious problems?
Go on waterguy from Hawaii. Go on SUV boy from California. Go on Aussie humorist who’s happy trashing anyone who puts their head above the parapet - deny that man is fucking with nature and that this won’t have an effect on us, our descendants, the flora and fauna of the place, the systems that sustain it all.
You can trash the green shit if you want. But it aint going anywhere because the problems talked about by hippy dippies like Rasta - and scientists all over the world, and people who actually LOOK at this shit instead of looking AWAY from it - they’re only getting bigger. Exponentially.
Maybe … do something positive instead of picking holes in people who dare to look and dare to stand up. Some of them get it wrong - of course they do - but that’s because we’re feeling around in the dark for a solution. Humans have never been here before.
But it doesn’t change the issue: whether we care to post it on Vimeo or not, Man is fucking with nature just like this tosser’s fucking with a ’sea turtle’.
…man is fucking with nature…? Hey bud, everybody who is reading and writing this or anywhere is …fucking with nature… And your specific formula (either for or against as you will find people here that fall off the fence on both sides) for rounding up all these nature fuckers in time to hang them from the pier at the HB contest (or award them medals) or both is? Maybe you should ask Sam? Also, I asked before who the turtle fucker was and got no answer. Ask Sam that while you have him on the line.
“Enviro-Pros…compensate for a lack of surfing prowess by leveraging a genuine (or convincingly acted) concern for the environment.”
FAIL. Dave Rastovich could easily be top 10 on the WCT.
That makes me want to load up my Suburban, hitch up the boat, fill up both tanks and just drive all day long(up hill). I love to burn gasoline! The people who think they are green are really pinko.
@strange
Yes you are. Humans are not helping anything, that is for sure, and I don’t believe a sane person would comment otherwise. This planet is in no danger from humans. Humans are in danger of humans, but the earth will be just fine. When electricity was first utilized by humans, people said it would kill us all. Remember acid rain? The Coliseum was suppossed to be melted away by now. Don’t feel too bad though, suckers are born every minute (which explains your exponetial growth theory).
Once you have humped a Sea Turtle, human pussy is worthless. I like to come home at the end of a long day burning gasoline for no reason, pop open a coldie, hit my glass one-y and pump a sea turtle from behind. The shell is so HOT!
@Trauzer-I am honored to see you like my little term I burned Stu’s ass with. It just feels good to say it-CUM DUMPSTER(stu’s mom)CUM DUMPSTER(Stu’s mom).
HGR - did you get the model with the bolt on flippers?
No, i felt really stupid fucking those inanimate blow ups with their seductive facial expressions(There needs to be a name for that moment after your nut when embarrassment starts to settle in, maybe “stu-face” would work). I trap real ones, pollish them and chain them to a bed in the attic. When the village goes to bed, I am just getting started. A creature in captivity starts to love you back, eventually, that’s usually when I kill them!
@el dedo - “…man is fucking with nature…? Hey bud, everybody who is reading and writing this or anywhere is …fucking with nature… ”
Yep, exactly why there’s a problem. Used to be our impact on nature wasn’t so big that we screwed the major systems up. For 300 years or so, it has been. You know that.
“And your specific formula (either for or against as you will find people here that fall off the fence on both sides) for rounding up all these nature fuckers in time to hang them from the pier at the HB contest (or award them medals) or both is?”
Doesn’t read well or make much sense. I think its the old if-you-don’t-have-a-solution-then-don’t-acknowledge-a-problem argument. Wise indeed. How’s the weather up your arse? Warming, or do you think its cool?
Way to go Huge E Rection. You really are big.
a) The point is in the post. You can wank off all day long over your oversized penis extensions and high-five your braahs about how much smarter you are than ‘people who think they’re green’ and ‘pinkos’.
Like you said. The Earth doesn’t care. It’s busy getting screwed whether you admit it or not.
“This planet is in no danger from humans. Humans are in danger of humans, but the earth will be just fine.”
Another classic non-argument. Which pinko green ever said the fucking rock spinning through space called Earth is about to disintegrate? None. The point is, and you know it, humans, animals and the systems that sustain them are getting fucked by over consumption.
That not a problem for you? What planet are you on?
The video is back up under “mexican turtles”. But then again, Lewis said that in the newer post.
I don’t have an arse. I have a culo. Temperature about to rise down there, almost lunch time. Still got the original seals though how about you? The solution here with respect to turtles is to drop dime with the navy and hope the people they catch (or their families) don’t find out so you (or your family) don’t get shot. Not good but the best we have here. What do you do?
JiggyJig is my new hero.
And Mark, you fuckwit, I don’t need to hear about you 2 fucking minutes.
funny!
does he really think you’re accusing him of turtle rape?!
i hope so..
I am a 50 year old women, I swam with the turtles in Mexico 18 months ago.
I wouldn’t hurt a fly and to be honest I was probably more frightened than the turtle - he seemed very relaxed and enjoyed his fish treat.
The tour guides are happy - they make some money.
The tourist is happy - they get an ‘adventure’
The turtle is happy - he knows he is going to get a fish!
To much PC stuff going on in the world - relax a little :)