As TurtleGate enters Day Three, TMZ is reporting that Michael Jackson is dead. Shortly after 3pm, on the live NSSA webcast, Peter Mel confirmed this report.
“Michael suffered a cardiac arrest earlier this afternoon at his Holmby Hills home and paramedics were unable to revive him. We’re told when paramedics arrived Jackson had no pulse and they never got a pulse back,” TMZ Reported.
Thus far, PostSurf has been unable to confirm reports that Jackson’s death is unrelated to the TurtleGate scandal, which is now entering it’s third day. PostSurf has also been unable to contact Alex Knost regarding his involvement in TurtleGate and Michael Jackson’s death.
UPDATE: The New York Times has confirmed reports of Jackson’s passing. “A Los Angeles city official confirmed that Michael Jackson is dead. The official said he died at 1:07 p.m. Pacific time.” In this article, The New York Times referred to Alex Knost as “a teenage professional surfer with a 1970’s surf-shag hairdo.”
PostSurf has also been unable to confirm reports that JGR Copa engineered a meeting between Michael Jackson and a turtle shortly before his demise, in hopes of diverting attention from JGR Copa lead-covered bodyboards.
PostSurf will attempt to provide additional details concerning this developing story and TurtleGate, as, um, details develop.
Damn, I was really looking forward to his 50 comeback shows in London.
If you refer to my comment on the last post you will see that your favorite basque surfer reported it before the condor knew shit…
Aritz says:
June 25, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Good thing MJ didn’t die yesterday or none of you would have even known that you beat us 2-0.
What happened in MJ’s rehearsals with his new backup band, The Japanese Motors?
Lewis, you got Aranburued, bro.
My condolences to the Jackson family. In honor of this iconic pop-star, I will now molest a young grom.
And by ‘molest,’ I mean drop-in on.
@BR-A fitting tribute to a man who frequently dropped in on young groms.
As my tribute, I’m going to order Drew Brophy’s posca pen set so that I can Brophize my new board with a beautiful underwater scene. The scene depicts a a herd of young turtles escorting the King of Pop to his new underwater paradise in the Gulf of Aman, wherein Michael will find a most relaxing home in a gleaming ambergris castle that contains 57 nurseries.
And you want to be super famous? So much so, you cannot live a “normal” life?
Get your own burro, and have at it, mates.
Have at it.
Mike, RIP.
OK, who’s the ASP’s closest equivalent to Michael Jackson? Someone who really raked it it, huge popularity, but cracked under the heat of the klieg lights?
My vote goes to Andy Irons.
the nssa boys division is rejoicing!
now they only have stu to watch out for.
T.B., if A.I. turns black and starts a kiddie surf ranch in Haena you win. Could happen. But he is more likely to end up like Dennis Hopper as “the candy colored clown they call the sandman” in Blue Velvet.
Hmmmmm, Dave Eggers was more like a victim of too many neverland slumberparties so that ain’t it……
Tom Curren lives close to neverland and has a certain shared delusional quality about him……
Check back in two years and see if Slater fits the ticket? It’s a bit of a plunge going from nine time champ to kneeboarder
@Burro
I’m gonna go with Jihad Khodr, having just lost the world’s best stilt legged surfer title to Alex Knost.
Nicky Wood during his Black Widow phase?
Alex Knost- Michael connection is obvious.
I’d like to hear more from Peter Mel
More from Peter Mel.
@BR
Is “drop in” similar to cut and paste?
Lewis, you aint right! you aint ever been right!, you aint ever going to be right!
Knost always reminds me of that albatross in Rescuers where the mice fly in a sardine can strapped to his back? I haven’t seen that movie in over two decades but every time I see knost I have some flashback to that movie. Seriously.
Another thing, If that bastard laid one hand on a child(other than Stu), I hope he burns from the acid urinated on him by a thousand prepubecent little grom peckers in hell.(For eternity)
Thx.
And that goes for Michael Jackson also!
Does this mean I can get Yellow Submarine on my ipod now?
You guys are dicks
jiggy jig,
Andy HAS built a custom kiddie surf ranch. Apparently, his version of a Neverland Ranch. A mere block from the elementary school.
Plus, he already runs a kiddie surf ranch contest every February.
@taj burro 7:47 pm
that’s just stupid.
@ Maria Brophy 12:45 pm
Nice!
I’ll be waiting on the edge of my seat (I’ll probably even let go of my cock) for Lewis’ rebuttle/apology in response to Maria Brophy’s comment. If that’s not comment of the week, I don’t know what is (except maybe the animal lover that types in all caps again, whose comment was epic until now). Even the irony, she used her real name and even a photo! Not a pissed pro surfer that took a crack at him, but a rational, pissed chick…..EPIC!!
@ Travis 7:05
That was funny.
trauzer said, “that’s just stupid”.
I agree.
What was Andy thinking!
Too much bill a bong hits?
@taj burro
c’mon dude…the ‘off the wall’ album was musical genius, ‘thriller’ is the best selling album of all time, still today! Could this life be in some way comparable to life of an uneducated pro surfer? maybe, in some sort of way. But Andy Irons is surfing and laughing all the way to the bank.
Lewis, I like you but you’re slipping. The turtle story bullshit and your pathetic attempt at humor with this, is very disappointing. You can be an intellectual surf writer, an oxymoron, maybe even a sideroxylon but for your own sake, quit this juvenile, crude, mud-slinging, inane, bullshit Perez Hilton type of reporting. You don’t want to become the reality TV of surfing, you want to be the Godard of surfing. So next time you get the urge to write about fucking turtles, slap yourself, look in the mirror, re-evaluate and get it together man. Someone who understands the spirituality of deep tubes at desert point does not write about fucking turtles. Simple as that. I hope you understand.
Sincerely,
A concerned reader
Is it me, or does MJ resemble that turtle? RIP MJ. What happens to his body now? Cryogenics?
@ Lewis Samuels
“PostSurf Manifesto
PostSurf features the writings of Lewis Samuels, author of the Power Rankings.
This is a place for myself and other surf culture iconoclasts to mull over the act, after the act is finished.
This site is based on a blind faith that there are many other surfers out there who are dissatisfied with the current state of the surf media.
I’m trying to make things better (or much, much worse depending upon your perspective).
Please feel free to contact me at lewissamuels at hotmail dot com with contributions, complaints, and requests for withdrawal.”
Looks like it’s gonna be much, much worse . . .
trauzer,
Sure, Andy is not even close to the same zip code as MJ. But still, he is in a league of his own. He;s not quite as “high” as MJ ever was, but still…
The harder they come, the harder they fall.
OK, so Andy’s the new Bunker Spreckles.
Fuck you Taj’s burro.
Andy has succumbed to his wife’s playlist, just ask Mailman Dave.
The freak dies before bankruptcy and no one mentions the kids. Probably better off anyway.
Andy is more liquid than the freak, DIP.
There are going to be some books published soon, parasitic victims on a rampage.
Lewis:
At minimum, I’ll always remember where i was when i found out MJ died. Perousing through this fuckery.
@Taj burro
So let me get this straight, Andy Irons is arguably one of the best three surfers that ever lived, attained three world titles in competitive surfing, decides to give it a rest, maybe permanently, likes some beers, puts on a coulple of pounds, surfs when he wants, can still stuff himself @ teaupoo, has beautiful home in Kauai and a beautiful wife….man, he’s all fucked up, wouldn’t want to be him………
Really, Andy’s wife’s playlist consisted of Heineken and Percodan? I neva knew.
Liquid is as liquid does.
Wake me up when Andy’s 50.
@taj
They both seem like pretty cool people to me.
BTW: just to add to your pent-up rage, my cock is waaaaay bigger than yours.
@I Ain’t Your Bra, Bro
&
@Schmeg Duh
How long must we continually point out to the countless dimwits like you, that such things as irony do exist? If, perchance, you fail to see the humor or irony in these posts; then all is fine and dandy.
There are plenty of super funny and extremely original surfing blogs all over the internet. For instance, you could check out…
…
…
Well, the point is, there has to be one somewhere. And I’m sure you’ll find it and rule forever. Your stellar commentary here has split my sides so many times I can’t even count them on the hook at the end of my arm. I will miss you like the holes in my liver.
Go.
Laugh your ass off at the witless writing and third grade humor at Weeds, Tracks, etc…
Leave us Neanderthals to our unfunny and circle jerking.
Thank you, and good night.
Blasphemy!!!
The unknown ether ate the word “comments” from my last post.
Mu’Fuckin’ Thundercocks!
Where was the word “comments” missing?
The second to last sentence, dipshit.
Okay, fuck you guys, who the hell is Goddard again?
Oh, that’s right… the blowhard that the ‘perpetually-educated’ quote in coffee houses throughout the Americas, when they want to sound like they’ve finally ‘made it.’
Lol @ someone reading the ‘PostSurf Manifesto’…
Eh mate, it’s Godard. But sticky keyboards are shown no mercy by this blogging system.
We need a trashcan or a preview button.
Ah well, the name Godard is synonymous with DiNero. Had some great moments, but had a fair share of face plants as well. Trouble is, most commonfolk in the Americas and elsewhere just announce the name… as if it’s supposed to simultaneously blow minds and drop panties.
Except for Mark’s mother, I don’t think that mentality is right proper now.
Do you?
BR+AI’s DEALER+OCCY’s UNDERBITE+F MURRAY ABRAHAMBONE+MAGNUM Q MEATWHISTLE=CUM DUMPSTER
Nice attempt at concealing your multiple personalities LS/BR/AI-D/OU/FMA.
Keep up the meat-wielding…
I refuse to believe that individuals, such as yourselves, can really be that dumb.
trauzer, said…… ‘They both seem like pretty cool people to me”.
They said the same thing about MJ and his ex wife, Elvis’s daughter.
And where did that get ‘em?
@ lewis
what the fuck is this?
http://vimeo.com/5209729?pg=embed&sec=
I ain’t you bro-brah does have a valid point L.S. Tighten up and give us some solid shit not this runny wack dune key. You’re way gnarlier than that.
Thriller 2 coming soon to a theater near you
You know, I think it’s about time Trauzer put up or shut up. Post the cock on tomorrows thread, Lewis.
Give Taj’s Burro something to take to the shower with him.
@Everyone who is “over” Turtlegate…
Quote from AI in latest Surfer Mag about the winners of the XXL awards:
“Our tour is a bunch of wimps pretty much. I saw what your tour is like, and it’s way gnarlier. You guys have a death wish. I have a lot of respect for that, because I don’t even want to get in the ocean when you guys are going out.”
With that statement, and Kelly saying surfing needs to promote itself more like Ultimate Fighting does, is the World Tour valid anymore in its current form? Does the XXL Champ have more cred that the ASP Champ? Should the tour only be held at slabs over 10 foot? Should the ASP do specialty tow-in events with tow guys and top 45ers?
How do you make it all exciting enough to get Lewis to stop talking about sea turtles…?
Once again, way more interesting that sea turtles and the King of Pop…
The Ten Things Kelly Slater Would Do To Improve Professional Surfing from EXPN mag.
1. START FROM SCRATCH The new governing body should own and run the events, own the media, do the marketing, bring in sponsors. Right now, the ASP doesn’t own any of those things, because it didn’t do the groundwork in the beginning. Sponsors own, run and market the events. That needs to change.
2. CUT THE FAT There are 45 guys on the Tour. That’s too many. Cut it in half. There are guys who lose in the second or third round at every contest. One didn’t win a single heat last year. F1 doesn’t have 45 cars on the track for a reason. There should be a competitive level at the top, and we don’t have that.
3. SHORTEN THE SCHEDULE The season goes from February through December. We never have a break. We spend so much time around each other that pro surfing is becoming homogenized. It’s hard to think out of the box. I’d like the season to go for three or four months at the start of the year and three months at the end.
4. MARKET TO THE MASSES The ASP has done a horrible job of marketing its surfers. I watch a lot of UFC, and they’ve done an amazing job of turning around the perception of that sport. People don’t think of UFC as tough guys beating the s— out of one another anymore. They call it mixed martial arts. People understand how technical the sport is and what good athletes it requires. When someone fights for a belt, the next guy in line is often sitting in the crowd. After the fight, they interview that guy. That’s great marketing. At our contests, we should have a booth so when surfers are done with their heats, they do a live interview to the web. We need to build personalities. The ASP has left that job to the sponsors, but it’s the ASP’s job to sell its product. The NBA doesn’t leave it up to Nike and Reebok to create visibility for its players.
5. ENCOURAGE EXPERIMENTATION It’s been 20 years since any surfer on Tour shaped his own competition boards. This year I’m challenging myself and shaping my boards. I took a preshaped board of Al’s [Merrick] with the rocker I like, changed the outline, made it smaller and added a bottom curve. I surfed it at the first contest of the year, on the Gold Coast. It was 5-feet, 4-inches and a big change from what I normally ride. Now I have to learn to glass and attach fins. Before the season ends, I hope to ride a board I created from start to finish.
Also, if someone attempts something totally risky and pulls it off, he should win. We should encourage people to go for it, even if they fall. There are a bunch of young guys doing that now, and they should be rewarded for it.
6. FIX THE FORMAT The contest format should be flexible and should fit the location. I hosted an invitational in Fiji a few years ago and tested three formats I’d like to see us incorporate into the Tour. The first was our regular format, but with scores for technical and artistic impression, like in the Olympics. Two judges worked together to come up with a score for each. Next there was a tag-team event where two surfers worked together. The final was a free surf. The surfers decided when they wanted to surf during a four-hour time period, based on what they knew about the conditions. It was all about strategy. I’d also like to see us use a jam format, like a skate jam, with no rules. The skaters control the flow and push each other. If one guy gets too aggro and takes too much time, the other guys box him out. But if someone gets hot, everyone gives him room and lets him do his thing.
Michael MullerMake eye contact with Slater and you’ll turn into a lump of seaweed.
7. UTILIZE THE U.S. It’s important for the governing body to be based in Southern California, where the majority of the industry is located. And we need to hold more events in the mainland United States. Trestles, in California, is a great contest, but it’s not enough.
8. INVENT A SURFABLE WAVE POOL We need to make wave pools good enough to compete in, and by this summer we’ll have them. I’m working on building the best wave pool of all time. Six of us are part of a company, which we’re calling Kelly Slater Wave Company. My manager, Bob McKnight from Quiksilver, and a full-time wave scientist who works out of our office in Culver City are also part of it. We’ve been working on this for more than three years, and we’re building our test model in L.A. as we speak. Once we have the technology, we can potentially build these pools all over the world. I’m already thinking ahead, beyond pools, to how we can create a wave-generating system and sink it into lakes, as long as it doesn’t screw up the environment. Eventually, I’d love to see a Tour that incorporates a couple of stops on these waves.
We would be able to schedule a contest on Friday at 6 p.m., live on TV. Picture a wave going around in a circle indefinitely. There’s a bridge over the wave for viewing, a Plexiglas bottom so fans can watch guys surf above them, and a crow’s nest in the middle so people can watch the best guys in the world surf the wave all the way around them. Kids could stand on the edge of the pool and get sprayed by their favorite surfers.
9. GIVE THE NEXT GENERATION SOMETHING TO SHOOT FOR, LIKE 11 WORLD TITLES On one hand, it would be great to have double-digit titles. On the other hand, it’s just a number. If I was sitting here a year from now and had 10, I probably wouldn’t feel any different than I do now. It’s an idealism, an external thing. But my friend who is really into numerology said I couldn’t stop at nine. When I won eight, he said, “Either stop now or go to 10. Don’t stop at nine.” Eight is infinity, nine is the number of completion, 10 is a new beginning, a time to start fresh.
10. RETIRE I was much closer to stopping two or three years ago than I am now. No way did I think a guy who’s 37 could compete on the Tour. But here I am. I would almost welcome someone kicking my ass. Then I’d go, ‘Well, I’m not better than that guy, I can never beat him.’ So I’d quit. I’m interested in lending my opinion to the next organization, but it’s not how I want to spend my days. If I’m lucky, I’ll be 95 years old, stand up on a wave with a big grin on my face … and die. Then I’ll float out to sea, get eaten by a shark and become part of nature.
@DM: We have already covered that Slater article ad naseum. But I agree, Turtle Gate and Michael Jackson are lame. The problem as I see it is that it is simply impossible for anyone to come up with inspiring posts 365 days of the year. The writing and subject matter cannot help but suffer. Count me as a LS fan, but I think less would be more. Maybe 2-3 posts a week? It would build anticipation and allow Lewis more time for reflection.
Hey Ballz, I must have missed the K9 discussion…
“Everything in moderation” is what my Dad always used to say. Something I should remember when I’m on here, and that maybe Lewis will take to heart when posting! As for BR, even though I’m confident he knows the meaning of the word “moderation”, I’m sure he denies that it exists! Bring on the goats, BR, bring on the goats…
jacko’s nose is on e bay for three million bucks . oxy and demorol . jacko cold pulled a heath ledger .