Honestly, I'm still trying to piece together what this fuckery is all about.
I was unaware of it up until this morning, when I came across this : "CAR ACCIDENT STOPS TEAM SURFING USA; Race Across America Screeches To Halt As Jason Winn Gets Hit By Car."
Make sense so far? I didn't think so.
Maybe these quotes from Laird will help clear things up:
"We were just getting started. We came for this moment and all the sudden it was war. What an intense thing. It was awesome. Jason got hit by the car, and that was the crescendo to the whole thing.”
“You couldn’t hit somebody on a bike better unless you were trying,” said Laird of his teammate Jason Winn’s unfortunate collision with the Team Strong Heart crew van. “It’s like he was just riding along and the car hooks a right. For not trying, those guys did a hell of a job…”
“Maybe we’re not pro bike racers or peddlers or whatever,” says Hamilton, “but the mentality of dealing with this type of situation and getting ready for war —we were just getting a taste of it when we were run over by a car.”
Still confused? I am too - why did Laird think it was "awesome" when his teammate got hit by a van? Why does Laird keep bragging about how it was "like war" - has anyone told him there are actual wars going on that are actually like war?
And what the fuck does any of this have to do with surfing?
Well, Laird Hamilton and his ego are involved. That's what.
Also, Laird decided to use this trans-continental bike race to promote his signature line of standup paddleboards. Surfermag logically explains "At the race’s conclusion (Hamilton) has opted to stand-up paddle to and around the Statue of Liberty" and the "first leg of their amphibious trek across America" was a 110-mile standup paddle from Malibu to Oceanside.
Here's the team at the onset of the race: I have no idea who the fuck these tapioca bastards are. Research reveals "Team Surfing USA" is made up of a 76-year-old gym owner, a rock star, and an ex-Texas Tech quarterback.
Do any of them surf? Unclear. But I guess bike racing is a team sport - much to the chagrin of Mr. Hamilton:
"When the rock star went in the wrong direction at the launch – that hurt us a bit, for sure,” says Laird Hamilton of Rage Against The Machine bassist Tim Commerford’s inadvertent paddle a half-mile in the wrong direction at the start.
And now that quarterback got sacked by a van somewhere in Middle America, forcing Laird and Team Surfing USA to pull out of the race.
If you want to make more sense of this story, you'll have to wade through all 7 updates yourself and see if any context emerges.
I will offer this caveat: While pontificating about feats of physical prowess, Laird does briefly mention that "the message in this case, is to benefit Lou Gehrig’s Disease and autism.”
I'll let that quote speak for itself.
Laird’s the fucking man.
Much more interesting would be a Kelly vs. Laird ultimate surf off in Indo or the South Pacific, with shortboard, longboard, tow-in and bodysurfing to benefit the Surfrider Foundation, Surf Aid, Greenpeace or some other water/surf oriented charity…
How weird and senseless and unrelated to surfing and water will Lairds exploits become? I’ll bet Gabbie put him on it. Laird=EGOMANIACAL!
i hope the helmet guy had it strapped on when he got hit
I thought that dude was wearing shoulder pads. That’s too much ink.
check pics and video on their sponsor’s site: odwalla.com
i guess the team is supposed to ride from la-ny but now that their boy got pumped by that car they can collect the odwalla cash and get hookers
@ the letter carrier
didn’t I already see that in/on The North Shore
movie buff, I lost my VHS copy of that one ages ago! Can’t really remember, but I think Kelly might have been a little bit too young back then! Hell, Pagey and Occy were still practically groms when they filmed it!
Ok, for everyone bored of the Laird craze sweeping the nation…
Rumor has it, from an inside but often mischievous and untrustworthy source, that the ASP Top 45 might boycott Pipe this year because they aren’t cool with the 16 Hawaiian wildcards having so much influence on the Title race and re-qualifying at the end of the year… Comments?
THOSE GUYS ARE KOOKS.
this is the first article about Laird Hamilton I have ever read that deals honestly with just how insanely ludicrous that man is. I would rather transcribe an interview with Sean Combs than have to hear Mr. Hamilton talk about paddle boarding.
Laird is an egomaniacal kook….just like the rest of the “Hawaiians”……anybody of heard of the DESERT POINT POSSE from Hawaii…our waves our rules….WTF….lairds shirt should say my bike my spandex..
I think the ASP Top 45 should boycott Pipe if for no other reason than because of the violence, graft and corruption allowed to take place on the North Shore.
the guy with the helmet is in Rage Against The Machine.
…and Laird ruins waves with his stand up paddleboarding!!!
Lewis, I think you found the only topic worthy of just about every decent surfer’s attention and that is SUPs. I suppose we’re all supposed to keep our mouths shut because Laird and Dave Kalama are “cool guys” and “heavy”, with their ads in the Journal and moments in surf movies that lend to their heroic images in the industry. The SUP is destroying lineups up and down the coast of California, because these IDIOTS are taking surfing into places like Outdoor magazine, and REI outlets. Nothing could symbolize the greed and disrespect of others than an a-hole paddling around and taking waves a mile out on his SUP. Yeah yeah, what about longboards right? SUPs are taking it way too far. Please other surfers out there, let’s pass a law in California banning these dangerous “boats” from our lineups, and question the industry idiots for selling it to non-surfers.
re: boycotting pipe
I was personally stopped in the channel at pipe this winter by a moke on a long board who asked me who my sponsor was. I gave the right answer and I was given the ok to paddle to the peak. Other people weren’t so fortunate, especially people with smaller non-US or Australian sponsors who don’t pay kickbacks to the wolfpak. Why isn’t anyone talking about what’s really going on at pipe? Lewis?
The same thing is happening at Doheny! My Toyota Sienna doesn’t have a hibiscus sticker and I get dirty looks from all the soccer moms out there!
The same thing happens at Cardiff Reef - unless you’re riding the right SUP, Bassy will pound you back to the lot.
I’ve been told that SUP’ing a ferry wake in Puget Sound will change my life. Can’t knock what I haven’t tried though.
Here’s a wacky idea:
Maybe the state needs to step in and regulate access to certain surf breaks. We do this for other public natural resources in high demand (and where we don’t, over-exploitation and tragedy-of-the-commons are the rule). Think of having to get a recreational pass for rafting down the Grand Canyon. User fees could help pay for locals to paddle out and serve as ‘guides’. And no, I don’t think Tavarua is a good example because of the profit angle in that case. But I do think that there exists a better solution than wolfpack regulation of public resources when resource utilization needs regulation.
in all seriousness, who would it really hurt if nobody showed up to the pipe comp (other than perhaps Mark, who will, I’m sure, be bummed as he sees his trip to Indo fade right before his eyes)? The locals won’t care, the pros will still go to Hawaii to surf the QS’s and get their pics taken, and the sponsors will be there to pick up again next year on the Goldy. And what if not all of them boycott? It’s an ideal time for the kids on the bottom rung to get a few heat wins under their belt and maybe move up a few spots. Which means that the guys on the fence will have to show up as well, which means that the top guys might want to show up as well so they don’t get hit on next year’s seeding, which means that the contenders (assuming the title race isn’t over) MUST show up. Now that I think of it, Mailman, a boycott is impossible and will never happen.
SUPing is like bringing a howitzer to an archery contest.
Shut the fuck up Stu.
When is the Bethany Hamilton signature stand up paddle in a circle Larid board coming out?
That’s gotta be uncomfortable in the sun. Just sayin.
Here in NC a SUP must have a class III PFD(slows them up a bit). The board must also be registered with the state as a PWC. FYI Bitches.
@ Lazer 2:00 p.m.
Comment of the year.
@ booger 2:13 p.m.
Weak comment booger. You are better than that.
P.S. Keep your eyes peeled next time you are in the ocean. Karma can be ruthless sometimes.
best spate of comments yet. keep all this cuntery friendly you fuckwits. no one likes to read through boring flamewars.
@Dave Mailman.
Who really cares about the ASP anyway? When do they file chapter 11?
BTW, Andy? Yes. But, Lairdo too may be the next Mike jackson.
Speaking of SUPs…
I was a grom/teen on the north shore in the 70s/early 80s- there was a pecking order then and already hard to get a wave if an outsider at the top breaks. Think the ASP has to be careful here to not start a war with the local boys- even though the admission thing is bullshit, also the 16 wildcards. Maybe call in Ban-kee Moon from the UN to negotiate the wildcards down to 2. But a war could make life hell on the north shore. The way you get waves there is like everywhere- you show up respectful day after day in good and bad conditions until everyone knows you. But if they are charging admission that is bullshit- might be an interesting winter.
Any of you Hawaiian Neanderthals been checking the latest North Korean rocket test runs… aimed in your general vicinity?
Better ditch the Pidgin and start ordering you Korean version of Hook’d on Phonics you parrot fuckers.
We’ll see how much you hate the Mainland as soon as Kim Junk Feel starts the next Bay of Dicks.
Sayonara!
Fucks News:
It will be interesting to see how tough the Wolfpak and Hui are when North Korea’s Pyong Gang is storming the beaches of Oahu and Kaua’i.
All those steroids, tattoos and boxing skills won’t help much then will it?
Here on the Mainland, Americans will be rejoicing like headless chickens until they, too, fall into the fuckin’ ocean.
And as all the commenters on Post Surf continue to whine on about absolutely nothing yet another perfect 6 foot south swell takes aim for Town.
Summer of Love!!! 09!
Laird also had sex with a turtle. Nicely done Lewis.
What’s your problem with people getting hit by vans?
No worries folks. I reckon the economy will kill the SUP fad once and for all.
As for Laird? Ego, yes. Kooky, yes.
But on the other hand, I think he’s one of the rare cases where is arrogance is permissable. The guy has taken surfing to another level (ok, also brought it to a pretty low level with the the SUP, but still…)The guy has been pioneered places where none of us will ever have the balls to sit on the shoulder.
Further, the guy has always been on his own trip. Doesn’t really give a sh*t what other people think. And managed a beautiful wife at that.
While guys on the CT take it to heart when Lewis starts busting balls to the point of going to see a therapist, I’m sure Laird is perfectly content with being a kook.
That SUP piece at inside the goldmine is satire at a high level
Didjou guys see that video on Surfline of the sesh at Tavvy with Laird SUP’ing in? Made me think about something. When’s the last time you saw Laird paddle into a wave with his bare hands? Right - North Shore the Movie. There’s a not so subtle psychology at work here. Laird can only be photographed while either SUPing or towing in. He has to be a ‘roided out Jesus walking on the water - lording over all the mere mortals 24-7. Otherwise, he becomes just another human being. I ain’t saying I can surf better than him. I sure can’t - and few can. But I’m so over his ego trip. I wanna see him paddle out at fricking pipe - or even f’ing Malibu on a regular surfboard and just surf. Or maybe what I really wanna see is for him to hit Dungeons and Mavs like Greg Long and Twiggy without a fricking ski or an oar. But I’m not even sure if it’s possible. His hugely inflated head just stays up in the air and pulls the rest of his body along with it. That’s the true reason he never lies down. I’m surprised he’s even riding a bike - I mean he has to be so hunched over. Mo bettah he does the race on a unicycle - with a paddle.
laird has become boring
re elect me president of earth
.
Mr Mailman, how the hell are you wasting your time here while that lady is throwing the ASP Europe over the falls?
Not funny for us Eurosurfers!
I’m glad Jason Winn got hit by a van and TEAM USA was forced to pull out of the race.
You haters need to shut the fuck up. I don’t see you towing into the kind of waves that Laird does and you complain about him not paddling out at Malibu (!). So what if he doesn’t? If he’s riding a mile and a half on every wave on the outer reefs and getting pits that would kill him if he falls at Teahupoo, why would he find 2ft, crowded malibu exciting? Or why even paddle out at Pipe? He’s been there/done that. And actually, he’s a pretty fucking humble human being, anyone who has surfed waves that can kill is. Get your heads out of your asses. Laird is an ambassador to the sport and as close as anyone can get to ruling the oceans and remain mortal.
Laird swims in 80ft seas with no fins on and a weight belt
@The last three comments
No shit! That’s what I’ve been sayin’. The news didn’t even report this amazing story:
Laird once fucked a school of male jellyfish through the virgin blowhole of a narwhale just to save Eddie Rothman’s burnt lips after he went bobbing for Cambodian shemale penises (penii??) in a vat of boiling iguana mentrual blood.
If you think I’m shitting you, just ask yourself, “Would Fox News lie to you?”
He’s not a surfer, he’s a one-man branding machine. Wish I woulda gotten in an informercial on that that Wonderwall line before I died. I coulda made the guy some real money.
Word Mark LAIRD
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Serial Number 78168757
Filing Date September 27, 2002
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Published for Opposition January 27, 2004
Owner (APPLICANT) Hamilton, Laird INDIVIDUAL UNITED STATES 5111 Ocean Front Walk #4 Marina Del Rey CALIFORNIA 90292
Attorney of Record SCOTT M. OLDHAM
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Owner (REGISTRANT) Hamilton, Laird INDIVIDUAL UNITED STATES P.O. Box 2246 Malibu CALIFORNIA 90265
Attorney of Record SCOTT M. OLDHAM
Type of Mark TRADEMARK
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Word Mark LAIRD
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Doesn’t it take up a lot of time to maintain your blog so fascinating ?
Great! But I alternative thoughts myself. But I unreservedly support your right to say what you want.
I find myself coming to your blog more and more often to the point where my visits are almost daily now!
Have you ever considered adding more videos to your blog posts to keep the readers more entertained? I mean I just read through the entire article of yours and it was quite good but since I’m more of a visual learner,I found that to be more helpful well let me know how it turns out