I hate to write two posts in a row about women's professional surfing, but this estrogen-drenched cuntery is impossible to ignore.
Here's the short story: The Women’s Mr Price Pro in South Africa (a key WQS event) did not crown a 2009 champion, due to "adverse surf and weather conditions."
Sucks right? It's happened a few times before in ASP history - remaining competitors are left to split points and prizemoney when the waiting period passes and the waves never get big enough to surf.
Thing is, that's not why the Mr Price Pro was cancelled. Turns out, on the women's tour "adverse surf" means that it's too big, not too small.
Here's what the waves looked like on the day they called off competition:
I shit you not, Kemosabe. Take a look at the .
Here are some stellar quotes from said press release, including some justification from female pros:
Female surfers breathed a collective sigh of relief from the safety of the shoreline... as organisers of the Mr Price Pro Ballito were forced to call the event off, due to hazardous surf conditions.
Enormous walls of water in the three-meter region (8-10ft), pummeled the KwaDukuza coastline leaving even the bravest of surfers hoping they wouldn’t have to compete.
"When we got down here today I think it was bigger than 10 foot and there were two local guys that went out and only got one wave each,” said reigning South African Champion Heather Clark. “The first guy fell on his face and the other just had one big take-off - he made it, but it looked a bit sketchy and just too out of control for the girls.”
“The competitors felt conditions were too extreme and too dangerous,” commented event director Pierre Tostee. “All attempts were made throughout the day to surf at Tinley Manor but in the interest of safety, we have decided to call the Mr Price Pro Ballito off for the day.”
Just to clarify, for any medically-diagnosed morons who happen to be reading: this is a fucking disgrace. Pure and monkey-simple. These women are professional surfers - supposedly the best on earth. There is absolutely no physiological reason that women should not surf as well as men.
And bitch please, do not even THINK about writing some comment about muscle-mass accounting for the sorry state of women's surfing over the last 50 years. Layne Beastly easily has more muscle on her self-promoting frame than Rob Machado. Top pro Roseanne Hodge is 5'10 and 150 pounds - there's no reason why Adriano de Souza (generously listed at 5'6" and 137) should out-power her.
The sad thing is, a new generation of female surfers are FINALLY stepping up and proving that they are capable of surfing at a high level. I am not disparaging the abilities of Stephanie Gilmore, Carissa Moore, and their cohorts. They are on the brink of proving that women can surf just as well as men.
Which is why it's so important that female pros stop pulling bullshit like this, while offering quotes like "it looked a bit sketchy and just too out of control for the girls." The subtext of that quote is clear: girls need special treatment when it comes to professional surfing, because they're, like, more fragile than men, or something.
Why should the surf industry take these women seriously when they seemingly do not take themselves seriously?
I could have tucked it and won that contest!
Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned!!!
fuckin’ pussy ass bitch ass hoes and shit. the men who are in brazil right now would kill a hooker to be surfing that shit instead of the crap they’re dealing with. a few of them might just kill a hooker regardless, mostly in a coke-fueled rage, but also out of pure disappointment in their female counterparts.
until female surfers (as a whole, there are exceptions) start stepping up their game, i suggest an addition to the ASP by-laws when qualifying women for the tour:
“you must be at least this attractive to surf”
that way, at the very least, we’ll have some nice ass and titties to ogle while they pull half-turns and chop-hops and pussy out on damn good surf.
cut out the butch lesbian half-turns, and the women’s tour improves 50% instantly.
“And bitch please, do not even THINK about writing some comment about muscle-mass accounting for the sorry state of women’s surfing over the last 50 years. Layne Beastly easily has more muscle on her self-promoting frame than Rob Machado. Top pro Roseanne Hodge is 5′10 and 150 pounds - there’s no reason why Adriano de Souza (generously listed at 5′6″ and 137) should out-power her.”
It’s not a question of weight and muscle mass, but one of muscle distribution. How would Dara Torres fare in a race against Micheal Phelps? He could spot her one lap in a two lap race and still beat her.
Why? Because women are slower than men. Have you ever watched women’s basketball, lacrosse or soccer? For chrissakes . . . they are slow.
While I am sure that these women could ride these waves on skis, there’s no way that they have the guns to paddle in fast enough to get into bigger, heavier, faster surf. It’s biology.
Rochelle wouldve gone. But how do you expect a whole generation of girls all pre-conditioned to excel in 2 foot dribble to actual know what to do when it pumps? If We keep rewarding strategic small wave surfing with lucrative contracts then this is what we get.
Yep. Bullshit I call. In brazoland they are useing skis for the towouts and it looks like bunk Bolsa Chica, or maybe the hotwater pipe on the better sets. I have never thought much of Layne in any respect but she would have gone if only for the self promotion. But all “pro” surfers and surfettes are self promoting until they get someone else to promote them.
I don’t think girls go on Postsurf.com so who gives a shit. There’s just gonna be a bunch of dudes commenting saying “girls suck” and “if I was there I’d be ripping”. Lets all have a circle jerk.
when is it going to be acceptable to start telling Michael Jackson jokes in public?
I love the smiles on the guys being interviewed after their heats by the Brazilian ladies.
Joel Parkinson looked like Rosy O’Donnel in a room full of naked female softball players.
Btw, this post was perfect in every way. There’s not much that anyone could rationally add.
Except that girls suck, and I could have surfed those waves way better.
And I love everyone who comments here, except for Chris Cote.
Well at least Casio, Sobe, and other small companies now have more time for their female athletes to do what they do best……….smile and pose. Wait I mean lay on their back and continue to whore themselves out to the horniest I mean highest bidder.
Hey Chris
Micheal Jacksons autopsy came bcak
He died of food poisoning
Too many 10 year old nuts
Do you hate women as much as C Ward? Bummer no one got chaired up the beach. I think more people should get chaired up the beach. Average Joes (and Janes) Not just rippers that win events. Next time we see a fat guy on a longboard at the end of his session we should make sure his fat ass gets chaired up the beach. Flag and all. Any flag.
I’m going to get on a plane to Brazzo right now and kill some pathetic commentators…..JESUS CHRIST, they’re bad. Right now they’re popping chubbies over Slater’s slightly better than average (for him) performance.
Oh and those girls should go….Eddie would.
good call, lewis.
Occy’s Underbite hurt me deeply. I need to be liked, what can I do to make you like me?
That was a wonderful MJ joke by Embarrassed BTW
This Brazil event just put me to sleep—i feel like i’ve been drinking Jesus Juice.
That is truly pathetic…did ANY of the ladies head out there for a freesurf? My friend, Ornella Pellizarri (currently 4th on the QS, go Orne!) is on tour, and probably over there. I know that she can handle herself and rip in pretty big waves. I’ll check in with her to get her side of the story. I know that I’m not alone when I say that I dream of surfing waves like that. It’s been 3 years since I’ve surfed waves that sizey at totally washed out Balangan… Looks like time to dust of the minigun.
@CC: The results from Michael Jackson’s autopsy were made public today. Turn out he contracted a case of food poisoning. He died from eating a seven year old weiner.
That is truly pathetic…did ANY of the ladies head out there for a freesurf? My friend, Ornella Pellizarri (currently 4th on the QS, go Orne!) is on tour, and probably over there. I know that she can handle herself and rip in pretty big waves. I’ll check in with her to get her side of the story. I know that I’m not alone when I say that I dream of surfing waves like that. It’s been 3 years since I’ve surfed waves that sizey at totally washed out Balangan… Looks like time to dust of the minigun.
@CC: The results from Michael Jackson’s autopsy were made public today. Turns out he contracted a case of food poisoning. He died from eating a seven year old weiner.
i just noticed that my joke is a variation on Embarrassed’s….works like a charm.
any others out there?
How cool is it that they were able to move the ASP event to San Onofre! Talk about mobile.
If any of these girls had paddled out and rode one wave, they would have been an instant star on the tour. Opportunity knocks….
Then they could sold anything… as long as they wore a bikini doing it.
With Creatine, your X to Y chromosome balance doesn’t really matter so much. Was this break actually offering contestable surf or just large close-outs that in the instant before they break can be photo-ed into looking all-time? They shoulda gone regardless but more importantly who is Mr Price and WTF is he to surfing?
Mr Price is a department store chain
Chicks lack the fast twitch muscles that men have - their surfing will never be close (except for Clarissa Moore maybe). Also, for the most part they lack the genes that will take a bullet in war or charge 10 foot surf. This is plain to everyone except Samuels who clings to some San Fransicko/femenist notion that women are the same as men except for the plumbing.
Q: How can you tell if Michael Jackson has a hot date?
A: There’s a big wheel parked outside his house.
“If only we had cocks.” LOL. The waves look pretty fun.
Yes, weak sauce that the girls didn’t surf. I’m mainly here to share an MJ joke:
What do MJ and caviar have in common?
They both come on little crackers.
‘when is it going to be acceptable to start telling Michael Jackson jokes in public”?
RIP - Mike Jackson.
He touched a lot of people.
There are a number of aspects to this comp. First, is it responsible to hold a comp and expect people to surf when they aren’t completely comfortable in the conditions, especially considering the age of some of the surfers? Second Aside from all the macho, the bigger the better, “I would paddle into any wave that pops up on my computer screen” talk, should we really vilify people for simply not being brave enough to paddle out on a big day? Yes, probably. We participate in an adventure sport, and as such, place a high value on those who are willing to risk their well being for the greater glory of riding big waves. No remorse for the weak and the scared. However, if we take a look at a sport in which many women excel, like mountain climbing, there is a clear distinction between being brave and strong, and being reckless. If climbers are attempting the summit of K2, they don’t go for the top unless the conditions are right. That doesn’t make them cowards, it just means that they know their limitations. The problem, then, as Refresh so studiously noted, is that we really have no clue what the surf was like that day, save for a bit of anecdotal evidence and a picture or two that prove absolutely nothing. What is perhaps most mind blowing is that they chose not to extend the waiting period, according to surfermag, because some girls had other commitments. Like what?
ps: not only does slater surf better than most of the guys on tour, he commentates better than all of the company reps. Apparently the only thing he doesn’t do with consummate style is lose.
Wasn’t the Search chili canceled due to large waves like three years ago? Granted it was huge and i wouldn’t have surfed it, but can’t say it doesn’t happen for the guys too.
Dave Mailman,
Is there any predproduction meetings before these telecasts? Why don’t the camera men film the surf instead of haggard panning of the beach. The interview process should not take precedent over the action, either.
No wonder umbrella sponsorship is never possible, who trusts such poor telecasts.
The waves are not helping….
It was not the size, distribution, or muscle strength of the women in the Mr. Price event. It’s the fact they did not have the right boards for those awesome conditions.
Nor did any of them WANT to have the proper equipment.
What a disgrace.
The Price was wrong, bitch!
Hi Ross,
I just wanted to let you all know that I actually got the humor in Lewis’ comment about women being equal in physical prowess to men.
Fuck all you faggots!!!!
You no dick mother fuckers couldn’t paddle out in half the surf!
Girlz Rule!
PS
I didn’t fall off the tour. I quit to be a abortion clinic bomber so fuck you! Amen.
@Occy’s Mum luvs cocks. In his mouth!!! oooohhh snap bitch where you @ fucknutz!!!
Lewis, you seem very angry at women surfers. I blame the fact that I didn’t breast feed you long enough and that Maya Gabeira turned you down as a date for the XXL awards. Come home and have a brownie and a glass of milk and you can rest your head on my shoulder and have a good cry. Then we’ll go SUP’ing at San Onofre. Love, Mom
I have to hope there’s more to this story than meets the eye. The quotes from Heather Clark - who won the Triple Crown in Hawaii in none-too-small Sunset etc. a few years back - seem incomplete. She never said she thought it was too big, just “the girls”. Is Coco’s dad behind this? Were these really the best girls around or was this a comp that perhaps had girls not ready for the real thing? I need more before I’m going to bash the chicks. After all, we know from recent video that Sally and Sophia out-barrel Kolohe in Indo…
Mike, unfortunately, it’s the same deal as for the announcers. Each event hires its own crew, and each event has different ways of pre-planning their webcasts… or not! You should be able to tell by yourself, since you watch the webcasts which are which.
@JerseyJ
You are right sir but I knew when I read this this morning LS was going to rip it. What’s not to rip?
@Lewis’ Mom
If LS doesn’t come home, post up and I will come eat your brownie.
Ha, ha , ha !!!! Hey Patty Katroni, show us your tits bitch. I shit bigger than you cunt. Get out of the water and go make some babies…….skank
with the exception of chris cote, your hatred for the ladies leaves me reason to believe one of two things, you’re all a bunch of homos or you need to get LAID…probably both…
The United States needs to take several bullets, comprehensive sacrifice to get our ship righted. Cosmetic bandaid “cures” are short term solutions.
Dave, the ASP needs the same sacrifice and should have taken that bullet years ago…. really what I though Rabbit would have done. Create continuity, create a brand and market it to the companies, not the other way. It would have, will require some short term adversity, but will build a foundation of strength that turns the tables on sponsors control. Thanks for your clarifications and candor.
@1:56pm
Correction: We’re all homos who get laid way too much. Would you like to join join our circle jerk? You can have the privilege of sitting in the middle while sampling out our various frosting recipes.
Chris Cote tried it once, and loved it so much that he proclaimed himself to be the honorary anal ring-toss target at next years Fulsom Street Fair.
Hey Chris
What did the mom say to to MJ on the beach at Santa Barbara?
Get outta my sun!!!!!!!!!!
Happy birthday Mark! You da man!!!
what about the telecast coverage in brazil ?!
easy the worst ever telecast, i love the way they always manage to change to a view of the rocks or of the public when someone is about to catch a wave or when a set rolls in.
i’m sure this isn’t by chance, i just have doubt if the thing that controls a the cameras is:
- a geek surf hater/sadist
- a totally drunk person taking advantege of the free beer from skol (the event sponsor)
- an automated mecanism
- some kind of baboon
Something is missing. Isn’t this a mixed-gender competition? Why didn’t they run the men that day?
(referring to Mr. Price Pro, not Brazil)
Looks to me like there were jet skis at that contest. It’s even more pathetic on the women if there was jet ski assistance. Even if it had to be judged on the best ‘over the falls’ move they should’ve gone. Isn’t that why they are professional surfers?
The gloved one was a loved one.
R.I.P. Skeltor
I WAS there and it was wayyyy to big for us to hit. girls and boys surfers are the same. we are just as powerful. Mr Lewis. Please stop your tirade at women. you are a hater and you need to sit down with your mum and get a wat for. to everyone else on this comments, me and all my girlz read this so b carefool of what you say, you might meet one of us and it won’t be perty x
P.S. Chris Cote -
MJ is not ded, he is in the childrens ward having a stroke x
I love this shit
lewis thank you for generating all these priceless comments
I’m writing this and I’m still laughing
andy has a very accurate perception of how the comments and blogs work
Do you read the comments and blogs?
I steer way clear of it but this year I read it because I’m not on the tour. You seen Fantasy Surfer? It’s funny. They sit in their office and talk shit about everyone because they’re ripping the hardest. They’ve surfed every wave in the contest better in their heads than everyone else in the contest. Then, they talk so much shit that they end up fighting amongst each other.”
@ Patrina, thanks for the call out. Gave me the warm and fuzzies.
And that Stab article is great. That dude sounds better.
IT’S EXACTLY RIGHT THAT THEY DON’T HAVE COCKS. IF THEY HAD COCKS THEY WOULD HAVE MORE BALANCE AND CENTER OF GRAVITY, AND TWITCHING MUSCLES TO BE FASTER, SO IT WAS PROBABLY A GOOD CALL. LAYNE BEACHLY HAS A COCK, AND BALLS TOO, SO SHE PROBABLY WOULDVE BEEN OUT THERE. THREE CHEERS FOR CHICKS THAT DON’T HAVE COCKS.
LEWIS PROBABLY SURFS MUCH BIGGER WAVES THAN I WOULD, EVEN THOUGH HIS COCK IS MUCH SMALLER THAN MINE. I AM ABOUT TO PUT SOME HEBREW NATIONAL FRANKS ON THE GRILL. THOSE FRANKS ARE GOOD BECAUSE THEY COME FROM THE PART OF THE COW THAT IS FURTHEST AWAY FROM THE PART OF THE COW THAT HAS THE COCK AND THE ASSHOLE. THEY ARE REALLY GOOD DOGS.
I seem to remember not long ago a special on Australian T.V. where Billabong were being demonized for pulling out of the girls event at Teahupoo. What would have happened if they copped a 10-12 pumping swell there and had to call the event off?
No shit trauzer, my nickname is HEBREW NATIONAL.
I think Lewis is doing a little slut bashing. LS did some girl fuck you over lately?
Chivalry is dud.
Keala K.& Layne would have been charging that shit. Jerking each other off in a post HGH session reacharound . They would have then proceeded to stomp into the competitors area and challenged all the vaginas to play “come on the cracker”(not like MJ) while the whole time whistling the theme to the Lword.
LS - News Flash - watching womens pro surfing is like any other pro womens sport FUCKING LAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Leave it alone already.
Frieda Zamba woulda charged that shit!!!
For once I agree with Smyrna J, Frieda would have pulled in.
What’s worse, the men surfing an ASP stop at southern Hemi San O, or the women pulling back from overhead Durban? Or both.
@Mike
An ASP stop at San O wouldn’t be that bad. They could have a barbeque with some Hebrew Nationals after each heat. They come from the part of the cow furthest away from the cock, you know.
@ Mark
Game 3 today in sweltering heat….nearly heat stroke conditions with no cloud, no wind. Fortunate enough to play a hoity-toity place where most of the members are probably republicans. They made us tuck our shirts in at the range. Another tough 97…..in the heat.
@ Hugh G “Hebrew National” G. Rection
You may be long and skinny, but my nickname is “POLSKA”….PFFFT!!
@Trauzer
Those fucking greens are ice down there. Run, run, and run and your line better be true. Mint juleps next to the azalea’s and surrounded by angry Christians all wondering if you have deflowered their daughters.
Put the sticks away, it won’t get any better. That’s why you play better the first day, you still care.
Are Dodger dogs hebrew national’s ?
@ Mike:
Dude you’re absolutely right. Not only that, but they undulate every which way but loose…tough to read when your brain is broiling from the heat.
The “members” and staff alike could tell my bro and I didn’t belong (one of my buddy’s in-laws is on the greenskeeper staff there and got us on). Definitely ready to get home and surf. How’s it been?
I’ve never eaten a Giant dog, but I’m willing to bet they come from rear of cow.
Paddle Out Bitches !
@john
I’m not sure if dodger dogs are hebrew nationals, but I’m 90% sure that yankee stadium dogs are.
interesting to note that you didnt mention that the MENS were called off two days later because it was too big as well.
and like any of you guys commenting have surfed waves that big. bitch, please.
Yea fuck those bitch ass pussy women, not wanting to surf those lil ankle slappers. We should all jizz in a dumpster and put it in a giant wooden horse and send it to those bitches.
Fuck Girl Surfer, that’s your job, get to work bitch.
I hope you’re all having fun jerking off on your high horses. LS said these were suppose to be the best female surfers in the world. Actually it was just a WQS the best surfers are on the WT. The women’s WQS is currently being led by Carrissa Moore and Coco Ho these girl are fucking tiny, I’m not surprised that they didn’t go out on a day that even the locals were struggling…
Decided this debate wasn’t even fuckery….turned on ESPN and realized surfing is still better than baseball. So why don’t I give a shit about the tour? Because it doesn’t give a shit about itself.
Ad campaigns do not replace genuine interest and the game is lost amongst the hyperbole. RIP ASP.
whats that mike? you bodyboard in the shorey?
@ girl surfer….. want attention, surf.
When “pro” surfing is iniltrated with non talents with thinly clad vagina’s, the whole act becomes mute.
Yeah, we want to fuck you, but you suck. You can’t claim fear, the Republicans have the trademark on that.
I love this site!
Some of the comments were just too funny.
I buy stuff, I got me some money.
Industry geniouses, somebody sponsor this!!!
Don’t be so freaking uptight about lawsuits or whatever.
This is something missing in the surf media. Really!
What do you buy fasi?
no one cares about republicans. i certainly don’t
i think the problem is no one wants to fuck you …..sad
Yea those bitches can’t surf for shit.
I never give those cunts waves at V-Land but I will give them VD.
Sounds like girl surfer has got the painters in…
charlie smith is obviously writing JOBs tweets. Is this the future? inventing personas for these jackasses so people buy into their image and they dont have to compete.
Portuguese is such a beautiful sexy language. Portuguese or is is Portugasm…?
This is a joke Right oh no wait this is “due to the fact that michael jackson is mostly plastic they are gonna melt him in to lego blocks so kids can play with HIM for a change” Butung ch(drum sound)”him and elton john just recorded a song with michael called “don’t let your son go down on me”" anyways women surfing will be a joke until I see Parina ketroni or whatever charging shipsterns,or chopes for that matter I mean WTF have you ever looked at a picture of a chick surfing and said “Gnarly”? I did but that’s because it lookd like some sort of half breed of rosi odonnel (spelling) and a palmerainin (you know the little fuzzy dogs)
as long as the QS’ girls won’t move their bony asses and make themselves heard they can’t just complain, too big or too small: WTF ???!! What more can they expect as they accept a 5 stars WQS scheduled on 2 fuckin dayz ?!!! How do they want to make themselves respected as they don’t even try to be heard and have brain talks with the ASP reps and organizers in order to, at least, have more time to run their events in what they seem to see as “acceptable” conditions ? I’m fed up with their constant complaining, if the girls want to carve a career out of competitive surfing, then they have to fight for it ! You fucken reap what you sow, you lazy-whining dummies.
Chris Cote, i love you, your acting skills in the surfing tuto flick with A.I were stupefying.
if you can’t handle 8-10 foot surf, you’re not a professional surfer.
Sometimes its not just the swell size that gets too big, but the wind and break conditions. If the spot is just one big ball of raging 8-10 closeouts then how can you compete on that? We are judging this off a few pics some video or souce would be better. I got out everyday in half moon bay, ca but depending on conditions I have a bunch of different spots to go to. Many days the surf is too big for the spot and I go elsewhwere, a contest can’t move so they call it off. Nothing to do with gender.
girl surfer doesn’t care about Republicans because either A) That’s the real Patroni (hence a close-minded dumb twat), or B) She’s too dumb to even know what political parties are.
lkipatrick, the waves don’t look like they’re closing out. Plus, a year and a half ago, they had a contest at Sunset (middle of Triple Crown) that was HUGE. They cut off a couple of days for the girls because it was too big for them there as well. The chicks simply can’t handle bigger waves.
Girls professional surfing shouldn’t even be mentioned except by girl sites. It’s like the WNBA. We hardly ever talk about that shit on our show, it’s irrelevant.
i dont care about republicans because not everyone lives in a country that A) elects movie stars as political leaders, and B) is in a recession and going down the tube fast….why don’t you get your isolationist butt and watch some more cnn while the rest of us watch the collapse of the worlds biggest bully.
you dont want to mention womens professional surfing because you are threatened by it.
It’s called a GLOBAL RECESSION ya dumb twat. If the recession was only in the U.S. than our dollar wouldn’t have grown in strength. Patroni, outside of the close-minded bubble you’ve created yourself whoring out to sponsors for cash, the entire world economy is struggling.
I don’t like mentioning women’s professional surfing because unless the chick is hot, it’s boring to watch.
darling, you should do your homework!
there is one western economy that is not in recession. go and look it up.
booooooooobs
are good
Elton John is a true entertainer…he is flamboyent and talented. I love his concerts and his music!
We still miss MJ the King Of Pop. Rob
The new Marketing Secret Weapon makes $19,506.21 a Month in just 18 Clicks…http://tinyurl.com/making-money-in-15-minutes
I found your site via yahoo thanks for the post. I will save it for future reference. Thanks