Comment of the Week goes to Ballz, for re-igniting the Jordy Smith controversy known as NippleGate. I'm not sure who first broke this story, or who first noticed that Jordy's nipples are freakishly close together.
Unlike many surf fans, I'm not particularly interested in Jordy's nipples. But, in favor of due dilligence, I examined a few photos to check out Ballz' accusations.
And that's when NippleGate got interesting. Take a look at Jordy's nipples in this O'Neill ad below:
Nothing unusual going on, if you judge by O'Neill's ad.
Now, take a look at Jordy's nipples in these two non-doctored photos. Notice anything?
You don't have to be a genius to recognize that O'Neill took the unusual step of widening the stance of Jordy's nipples via the magic of photoshop.
Travesty or savvy marketing? Should O'Neill be chastized for photoshopping Jordy's nipples, or are they justified? When you pay an estimated $1.4 million a year for some simple custard pudding bastard to wear your shorts, are you entitled to doctor their nipples?
You be the judge.
Comment of the Week
Ballz says: June 30, 2009 at 12:55 pm
This is all sidebar. What should concern us is the state of Jordy’s nipples. They are nowhere close to symmetrical. The right nip is practically in the middle of his sternum. And the left is far too close to the right. Sort of the inverse of the skank trapped between the Hamiltons,
All of this leads me to one of two conclusions. One, Jordy is in fact a robot sent back through time on a mission to rodeo his way through as many anal cougars as robotly possible. If you are to believe this theory, you must be willing to accept that the disymmetry was an oversight by Jordy’s futuristic creators. The second, and less probable scenario is that Jordy has had work done, which is to say, implants.
Let the debate ensue…
I will add that if my first theory is correct, I have hope for our future. I like the way those guys think.
about Jordy’s nipples … when he gets older, if he develops gynecomastia - and then goes to prison as he has already mentioned - it may not be just his rear end that gets thwacked.
all the more incentive for Jordy to A/ stay fit and B/ stay out of prison.
There are already too many topless photos of male surfers as is. Last I checked the vast majority of surf fans are male. Yet for some stupid reason both the ASP and surf apparel companies keep flaunting the pros topless (the ASP’s bio photos from last year were the worse).
Kudos to PostSurf for exposing yet another fraudulent activity by a surf company. Yes, Jordy’s nipples are freakish. Considering his career, and the amount of money he makes, I’m sure he’ll get over the jokes.
Jordy wins Jeffreys bay with Parko, Mick, Taj and Slates all doing well. Slater beats Parko in finals at 6 foot pumping Lowers for 2004 payback. Then Taj wins Hossegor, C.J. wins Mundaka and Mick wins The Search at that perfect right in Portugal. Then it is ON at Pipe with 6 guys in contention!
P.S. I would be happy with 6 nipples on my chest if I could surf like Jordy. But I would prefer kitty cats over cougars if I were in his slippers.
freakin nipples.
P.S: That AD from o’neill is so gay
At the risk of over-analyzing surf photos, in the above photo Laird Hamilton looks strangely like Will Forte on Saturday Night Live.
CJ made an interesting comment about smoking pot as an alternative to blogging.
I’d like to hear more about what the surfers are smoking, literally.
am i the only one really worried by this weird mustache on Reyes ???
P.S: Jordy’s definitely Newton’s missing link. What’s so fantastic about nailing a rodeo, for a monkey ?
and have a closer look on Jordy’s left arm on the Redbull gay pic: it goes all the way to Fanning’s left ear !!!!!!!….missing link, i tell ya
The nipples are strange but I find those tufts of pit hair more disturbing as well as that “fuck with me” stare.
The haggardly bitch with Laird has a serious discoloration of the sternum, it looks like cock burn.
Why is Roy Powers looking tough? He is a boob if I ever saw one. His nipples at least seem proportionate.
i have no idea what time it is nor what time is was when i left . . .
I have had sex twice already today and just want to punch someone in the face. be it a kook or a street thug i don’t care the desire to be violent overwhelms me and I want to fight more than i ever wanted to fuck.
I’ve been up for so long my mind isn’t working right and now I want to fight. I have driven by drugs from the plane to coffee to beer to wine to more coffee and more beer. i swear if some women said the wrong thing i would strike her down with the back of my hand . . . i know thats wrong but i feel like an animal that can’t be satisfied by anything life has to offer . . . i don’t want to die but i hate being alive though i feel more alive than i’ve felt in a long time. so i you motherfuckers think it’s just dropping in on somebody at pipe thank you because that gives me the reason I need to grind your face into the sand . . .
This is just diversion…. Lewis is overwhelmed by another Power Rankings due, the bar he has set so high now hangs like a dead albatross around his neck. He’ll alow us fuckeries to comment on this shit and maybe divine intervention will deliver him another inspired ranking post the rank Santa C pro.
Really, what could that disgrace of a contest inspire? Time to do your homework, Mr Samuels! You created a monster, claimed it and now that monster is really hungry.
The traps one gets himself into…..
It will all be ok, thoughtless. Size dosen’t matter that much anyway. At least that’s what some pencil-pippied fellows that are far less endowed than i am always try to tell me.
There are so many things that are odd about this young man! The nipples, the armpit hair, the total lack of chest hair, the eyes, the nose, the long waist and short legs. That neck! He really does look like some sort of Frankenstein that was pieced together from spare parts left about the shop.
I guess it’s appropriate that he is paid to Rep a line of wetsuits and boardshorts called “Psychofreak” and “Hyperfreak.” Maybe somebody at O’Neill has more of a sense of humor than we thought?
However, this is all just about looks and looks don’t mean shit! He works hard, has a good attitude(unlike Dane)and he seems like a nice guy. Did I mention he can surf like a monster? Oops, sorry didn’t mean to use that word.
Scoreboard flawless Rodeo Flip.
RIP Mike Jackson
RIP Steve McNair
Lewis craftily undone by a better writer.
On the left, in the background. It was always rumored, now confirmed. Pancho Villa was a maricone.
Or maybe in this case, es mari macha.
True that. Now onto that Reyes’ stache.
@Jan Vee,
Yes, Lewis may not be as funny or as ‘undone’ as a tragically hip shark-jump troll who waded through 16 funny and mostly entertaining comments in order to posit such an embarrassingly self-aggrandizing yawn stamp. Congratulations to you!
We must agree, however, that this site and your intellect exist on two different planes, though.
Please go away to yours now.
Bye-Bye…
@thoughtless
Huh???????
Maybe he has NO nipples and the discrepancies are just due to how adept the use of Photoshop has been. That, I feel is the most likely explanation
It’s not the closeness of them that bothers me. it’s that the left one looks like its winking at me…scary
When I have sex twice in a day I feel like cuddling and drinking a couple of beers and then watching some t.v.
Not fighting or punching someone in the face
Who, or dare say WHAT, did “thoughtless” have sex with? That is the question we should all be asking. And what is up with his grammar? Where is Bob Dobbs when we need him? And what does it all have to do with dropping in on someone at Pipe or grinding your face in the sand?
I think I speak for everyone here when I say that we need to investigate this. Is “thoughtless” really Lewis i.e. Peter Perfect i.e. blasphemy rottmouth i.e. magnum meatwhistle i.e. a.i.’s dealer? Is Lewis manically depressed? If so then if you commenters care you should extend a hand to the dude. Offer to help him out.
After all without Lewis and Post Surf what would all of you fucking losers do all day? Log onto Transworld comments? Scream at your computer as yet another of your comments get rejected by Surfline? Post Surf NEVER rejects a comment. You can say ANYTHING on here. You kooks should be more grateful to Lewis for spending his time doing this.
@ thoughtful
f that!!!! Lewis needs to shake it off and get those power rankings up QUICK!!! Sounds like he had a rough weekend with some broad and now he is all stressed out about life in general. He is probably still pissy about getting axed at Surfine and it is made worse by the great job being done by Ian Cairns and crew as his replacements.
Hey Lewis wake up and drag your fruity ass out of bed in your rank Sunset district studio apartment, feed your girl dog, drink some fucking tea, read the New York Times, watch a little msnbc with Rachel Maddow and then GET TO WORK! This is America bro! Show us some work ethic!!!!
@ SmyrnaJeff
Take it easy S.J.! Give our man a little time to gather his thoughts and put pen to pad.
It is tough doing the Power Rankings when he has to rely on info he gets off the internet since he is afraid to actually GO to a contest because he doesn’t want to get beat up. Have you looked closely at that picture of Jordy and Roy and the rest of the O’Neil crew? Those guys look tougher than that gang in West Side Story. I don’t blame Lewis for just watching the tour from the safety of San Francisco where he is probably a hero and gets his breakfasts for free at those hippy coffee shops just like Brock Little eats for free at Cafe Haleiwa.
Brock Little is a friend, but does not eat for free at Cafe Haleiwa.
ya i noticed this a while ago… hahaha those nips are difinately crossed-eyed hahaha
Nice try Malcolm! Cafe Haleiwa is mine! Stick with shaping.
If we’re going to discuss nipples that belong to surfers, at least post photos from Wendy Botha’s spread from Australian Playboy from back in the day for comment… or period shots of Pam from when she was dating Kelly. Much more entertaining! Power Rankings, please!!!
Or, at a minimum, Ms. Hossini’s Sector 9 spread in this month’s big surfer.
God have you lost your mind? You’re God for God sakes!
Mark, Lewis doesn’t go to the contests, because he is no longer a “sell-out” with an “industry” sponsored travel budget to go to all of the exotic locations that make up the Dream Tour. Instead, he has a “real” job being a “consultant”, and just does this to entertain himself and Blasphemy in his spare time… and I suspect to give himself a reason to drink.
Having said all that, back in the bad old days, when he was a “whore”, he did go to all the contests, and surprisingly, spent more time sipping beers with the “pros” than he did getting his ass whooped by them. I think the black eye from the photo he always uses is actually from running into a piece of furniture piss drunk at 4 in the morning, or possibly another case of photoshop…
Don’t get your fucking panties in a bunch Mailman. What are you? Lewis Samuels’ Johnny Cochran? If he is gonna ruin every hardworking, nose to the grindstone pro out there then he should get belly to belly with em and talk shit. Not just do it from the safety of his depressing, dogshit infested, Obama postered apartment.
@ Mark
Hey bro Lewis doesn’t fly to all the contests because he is concerned about his carbon footprint.
Black eye looks like a rail catch to me….. pretty useful to conjure empathy after the poison pen has been put to rest temporarily. Lemonade out of lemons and an image worth regurgitating.
@ Mark…”those guys look tougher than the gang in West Side Story”. Now that’s the first intentionally funny thing you have written. Followed up with a Johnnie Cochran reference and finished with his signature “liberal” slam.
Doesn’t/won’t get any better than that for Smyrna-Mark and he is smart enough to go out on top. Who’s taking odds of a Post Mark “Quitting”. Since all that Republicans care about is their legacy, a fitting moment to exit with dignity. Aloha Smyrna and your bitch Mark.
ha hilarious! this dude Surf Ambassador Hendo has some funny shit on his site as well! check it:
Thia article is fucking hilarious, Jordy is damn weird, keep up the job Lewis.
RSS feed is not working in chrome, Kindly fix it.
Hey MSN Freaks! Hihi i like msn! visit this blockcheck site!