Yet another post I’ll get beaten for…

Posted by lewis on July 9, 2009 at 11:07 pm.

Today we consider a recent Surfermag article, which brings to light three of the biggest problems in surfing today: Shithouse writers, Jiu-Jitsu, and Joel Tudor.

Let's consider Joel Tudor first.

joel

Apparently, Mr. Tudor recently woke up and realized that he was in the middle of a recession with no clothing sponsor.  (He previously rode for good ol' Op.)  To his credit, Mr. Tudor also realized that he was in the middle of a bull market when it came to retro-ball-licking.  Putting two and two together, Joel decided to leverage his icon-status when it comes to the vigorous application of tongue to surf legend scrotum.

Simply put: Mr. Tudor decided to cash in via his very own clothing and surfboard company - KookBox.

Here's where the shithouse writing comes in.  In recent years, Surfer Magazine has made it company policy to hire writers who don't know their "write" from their left.  Writers who couldn't "right" themselves out of a fuckin' paper sack, if they happened to be wronged inside of it.

surfer1

.

Case in point: Surfermag's "NAVY SEALS MEET TUDOR STYLE" article, written by some vanilla-wafer-genius named Sarah De Mer.  A cursory prodding o' the Google suggests that Sarah is a full-time student at Saddleback, who also enjoys baby-sitting, surfing, and being involved with the ministry.

Yes, yes, there's nothing wrong with that, and everyone has to start somewhere... but why should we suffer through her "article," as she tries to figure out how to form a full sentence?  I don't blame Sarah for trying - I blame Surfer for publishing her.

Don't believe me?  Try to parse the first two paragraphs of the Tudor "article."

"Joel Tudor has fused his passion for martial arts and surfing to create his recently launched Kook Box surfboards and clothing line. The Kook Box name was pulled from Tom Blake's original fin'd, hollow boards of the 30s that were used for U.S. special forces training. These same forces that were trained in Brazilian Jiu-Jitzu and by Canadian Doctor would later be known as Navy Seals.

"Throughout the product line, images and logos from Canadian Doctor's manuscripts are used, a reminder of the martial art influence of discipline that Kook Box aspires to join with the surfing attitude."

Bitch said WHAT now?  Has she been using Google Translate too?

You gotta love the new contraction "fin'd."  Navy Seals? Seriously? And who in custard fuck is this Canadian Doctor?  (Read the press release that Ms. De Mer basically cut-and-pasted, and things sorta make more sense.)

Anyhoo... On to the third travesty: Jiu-Jitsu.  When it comes to nauseating surf culture trends, I'll take Alaias over Jiu-Jitsu any day.  A few years ago, I was pretty clueless about Jiu-Jitsu.  I kept hearing about it in surf magazines.  I pictured it as super-gnarly kick-boxing.

Not so much.  Take a look at one of Joel Jitsu's videos below.

Jiu-Jitsu definitely brings to mind Fred Van Dyke's infamous "All big-wave riders are latent homosexuals" quote.   It's 2009, people!  If these Jiu-Jitsu guys want to have sex with other men, just go and do it.  No one fuckin' cares.  There's no need to channel that pent-up desire into a martial art called Jiu-Jitsu.

So I find it ironic that many of surfing's ultra-masculine he-man devote themselves to a "sport" in which most victories climax in wrapping one's sweaty thighs around a man's head and clasping his protesting face to one's balls.

joeljitsu

181 Comments

  • SmyrnaJeff says:

    Am I the first to think of Bruno and Eminem?

  • Aipa's Paipo Board says:

    Retarded all around. Including you Lewis.

  • F. Murray Abrahambone says:

    Lmfao! Nice post Lewis.

  • Mark says:

    Tudor is frickin GNARRRRRRRR!!!!! The FEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I wouldn’t even pull into the lot at Windansea if he was there with his crew.

  • Jamey says:

    First, Tom Blake isn’t a licensed doctor, nor even a citizen of Canada.
    Second, you can’t say Joel Tudor sucks worse than Kelly because he rides Pipe and Chu-po on the kook-box boards that he shapes, which isn’t easy. If you don’t believe me watch the videso.

  • Magnum Q. Meatwhistle says:

    I once saw a boatload of Japanese tourists get capsized by a rogue set at Chopes a few years back.

    Let me tell ya, that shit wasn’t easy either.

  • Blasphemy Rottmouth says:

    Joel Tudor has somehow managed to get through life thusfar, without the (Mark’s)Bible thumpers realizing the hull of Noah’s Ark was parked right on his face.

    I believe!!

  • Blasphemy Rottmouth says:

    Seriously, Joel could plow a field of ear-corn with that schnozz.

    Maybe he’s the love-child of Balki and Horshack? Go ahead. Look that shit up on Craigslist.

  • Shreddy Roosevelt says:

    Joel Tudor surfboards has been around as long as you’ve been getting tubed in Bolinas and Kook Box is basically the new name since some dipstick stole the Joel Tudor name. I don’t think he got into Jiu-Jitsu to market himself, as you probably didn’t get into blow jobs to market yourself. The writing on the other hand–yeah that sucks. But then again, so does yours!

  • Blasphemy Rottmouth says:

    Something tells me you’d have to spank his nose with a galley oar if you wanted to rouse him from a burdensome slumber.

  • Blasphemy Rottmouth says:

    Shreddy,

    How does Joel’s semen taste? Is the texture as crusty and the delivery as slow as his surfing?

  • A.I.'s Dealer says:

    Seriously though, I once threaded the needle through a shifting three-footer at Pipe on a ‘family-size’ carton on Marlboro’s… and that shit was extremely difficult.

    … so I gots to give the honker props.

    I mean, the man props.

  • F. Murray Abrahambone says:

    I gots to give you props Lewis, on posting the very first picture of your post…

    The one of Tim Ryan valiantly wrestling with mega-Magnolia AFTER(!!!) losing his trusty paddle.

    Mr. Ryan: You sir, deserve all of our kudos.

    And by ‘kudos,’ I mean… well, we’ll let your imagination have fun with that one.

  • really? says:

    I think that shit is funny. Joel is an innovator, no doubt — but Kookbox?
    Seriously, this hipster shit has to stop some place. What? No Raybans and tight pants on your fixie ? How about some kombucha? No? Oh, martial arts you say? You should try Jiu Jitsu, the brazilian art of high school wrestling.
    The way I see it, Jiu Jitsu is a form of martial arts, like Twilight is a vampire movie.
    Seriously Joel: Why ruin a good thing? Watch Kill Bill and Magnum PI episodes for inspiration — Rolling around on the floors is for kooks, kook.
    Joel you are talented to a point, be stoked you have gotten this far on your wit and start doing artwork and keep shaping boards. Quit being such a self serving hipster. You want to inspire generations on how the old timers did things, teach.
    For pete’s sake try and salvage some dignity.
    And… Lewis, keep calling it like you see it.

  • Ronald Nixon says:

    Kook box: $ 6.00 at Walmart.

  • Mark says:

    Tudor’s brother Josh is a better tube rider than Joel.

    And what is up Shreddy? Fuckin Tudor ball licker!!!!

  • Mark says:

    And I would bet my last 9′2″ that Lewis was getting throated in Bolinas a decade before Tudor surfboards came around.

    And besides getting throated he was also getting some really good, deep tube rides in the ocean.

  • wardo's icicle says:

    @ Ronald Nixon

    Kook Box: $900 at surf ride

  • @ Wardo’s

    Kook Box: $ 1,200 at Mollusk

  • ted says:

    I don’t like long boards or Jiu-Jitsu,* but there are two important points about Mr. Tudor’s case that stand out. First, he was doing his retro thang long before “retro” was even a common term in the surfing vernacular. In one sense, that means we have him to blame for this rather infuriating trend. In another, his OG status gives him a modicum of breathing room to style his way around the surfing world. Mr. Tudor may be many things, but poseur aint one of them. Second, as anyone who has ever had the displeasure of participating in jJu Jitsu can attest, there is nothing even remotely sexual about cauliflower ears. (Although I’ll reserve room for comment for a certain Mr. Rottmouth) If you would like to argue that it is a homoxexual undertaking, you will have to apply that logic to all fighting sports, and well, just about every sport in general — after all, what kind of straight man in their right mind wants to spend lots of time around large groups composed almost solely of other aggressive, sweaty men? Surfing is even worse. At least the Jiu Jitsu fighters are wearing shirts. But that is a completely different can of worms.

    *A brazilian adaptation of “jujutsu,” the ancient Japanese martial art taught to the samurai class in order to fight opponents unarmed — in case you had the two confused.

  • Hugh G. Rection says:

    Tudor is reloading the coffers, something Lewis seems to have trouble with in any form.

    @Ted,
    “after all, what kind of straight man in their right mind wants to spend lots of time around large groups composed almost solely of other aggressive, sweaty men?”

    answer=BR

  • Hugh G. Rection says:

    “Bitch say what?” is right. Journalism is dead.

  • Greg Noll's Beer Belly says:

    Back in the day we use to do this “Jui Jitsu” stuff back on the island. Me and Poppa Curren would grease each other up with the pig fat left over from last nights pit roast and wrestle around naked while we tripped on sunshine acid. Shit was real, and kind of rough. Not rough like sandpaper, but like 3 day old stubble and sunburns. Its only gay if you make eye contact, or the grunts turn to moans. But that only happened once, or twice. shit.

  • SurferFL says:

    I can’t believe all these homophobic post surf readers. Combat is part of our DNA and it always has been. Back in the cave man days you fought for everything and established your place in the tribe. Now some 6′8″ tall basketball player gets all the girls because he is considered the alpha male. You can bash Brazilian Jiu Jitsu all you want, but the fact is that Joel would disfigure and mame 98% of the people on the planet in under two minutes (in unarmed combat). Joel is a legit black belt and has dedicated a huge amount of his life to studying a highly effective form of fighting. Everyone that fights MMA knows does the same. I guess I’m the first person to defend jiu jitsu. Lewis I have to hand to you. This post really is the most likely to get you beat up. Although you are the alpha male of surf journalists, that holds about us much weight with me as being the alpha male of table tennis.

  • PacNW says:

    Evidently Jui-Jitsu makes you forget remedial English and I am beginning to suspect that Sarah De Mer is a pen-name. Here’s an example of what I mean:

    “The Term ‘Fish’ is used to loosely in that is has been altered from its original outline, and modified to fit contempory designs.”

    -Joel Tuder, describing his standard fish shortboard [wwww.Kookboxx.com]

  • PacNW says:

    Apologies to Mr. Tudor, for misspelling his name above (but, somehow I don’t think he would have noticed anyway).

  • Mr. Lewis, while agree that Ms. De Mers’ writing is subpar at best, I find it a little more than ironic that you, a “writer” who tirelessly overuses every word in my name (for lack of better, more expressive adjectives?), takes exception to Ms. De Mers’ contraction. A look back through your last semester’s community college Shakepearean literature class text will reveal numerous instances of such contractions. Alas, fin’d be not a new contraction as you hath suggest’d, but a well-weather’d and oft o’er look’d one.

    Mine bitch sayeth WHAT!?!?!?

  • . . . while I agree . . . (for lack of better, more expresssive adjectives or nouns?), . . .

  • wardo's icicle says:

    @ Ted

    Joel Tudor is the Larid Hamilton of the Retro movement… While himself being good enough to pull it off he inspired countless copycat Barney Kookmeyers that are everything that is wrong with surfing–Just take a trip to Lewis’ home break of Bollinas where you will find (besides naked hippies with Buckwheat in a leglock [why is ok for every naked fat chick from Fairfield feel it is ok to try and start a conversation with me by asking "what time is high tide?"])every type of board from sprout with a wingnut fin on it and a FUPA equipped Lesbian to ride it. Fuck that noise!

  • yeah says:

    @ lewis

    shouldn’t the title of this post be:

    Yet another post for which i’ll get beaten…

    oh the irony….

  • Also, shouldn’t the title of this post be “Yet another post for which I’ll be beaten . . .”? Or, perhaps you’re in favor of the changes English undergoes over the course of time? Provided they’re changes of which your set approves, of course.

    Or, perhaps you agree with Winston Churchill who famously stated, “There are some rules up with which I will not put.”

    I’m casting my vote for the former.

  • @ yeah

    Bravo! You beat me to the draw.

    Cheerio ol’ chap!

  • West Hollywood says:

    I think the title of this post should be, “How does some dumb fuck surfer/poor businessman lose the right to use his own name?”

    That’s the much more interesting story!

    Jiu-jitsu maybe effective, but it is still very gay!

  • Jack The Ripper Sasaki-Severson says:

    @ yeah
    @Vanilla Wafer Custard Pudding Bastard Fuckery

    It’s called irony you simple cunts.

    You may have seen it once or twice on this site before.
    LS contradicts himself all the fuckin time. Its part of the fuckery.

    Why the fuck people take his opinions seriously, wheel never no.

  • @ Jack The Ripper Sasaki-Severson

    What’s even more perplexing is how some of the simple Nilla Wafer custard pudding tapioca-for-brains bastards who frequent these message boards take the comments and opinions of other posters so seriously and are unable recognize irony unless it spews from Lewis’ poison pen.

    Carry on with your fruitless fuckery now little Jack . . .

    Toodles.

  • JimG says:

    Was he ever in the top 44? No - he should have never been paid as a surfer. I’ve posted this time & time again: the top 44 are the best surfers in the world. You hear about all these hyped rippers (Owen Wrong) & then see them surf: they are not even close to the level of high-level competition surfers. Obviously, exceptions exist - a couple top 44 surfers shouldn’t be there & a couple WQS warriors should - but no “soul/retro/alternative/free/waterman/etc.” surfer is even close to a mediocre-level competition surfer.

  • Russian Hill Mafia says:

    Anyone remember reading about Joel and his dad punching some surfer at a contest? It was at Malibu in the 90s I think.

    Never understood why the Mags always called him a soul guy. Annoying enough to call Donovon or Rasta soul guys, but at least they won’t attack you with their dads.

  • @ JimG

    Next time you’re in the water, look for Owen Wright doing a flying 360 Jiu-Jitsu kick over your head to demonstrate how over-hyped and “not even close to the level of high-level competition surfers” he is.

    @ Jack The Ripper Sasaki-Severson: Of course, JimG’s comment at 8:57 am, too, must be an instance of irony. No? If not, JimmyG should study up a bit more on his competitive surfing, dontcha think?

  • Robert's Your Mother's Brother says:

    A freak talented surfer. But what the fuck?

    I hope Tom Blake had the foresight to be cremated, otherwise he’s rolling over in his grave right now.

    And that wrestling stuff is just plain laughable.

  • bil-O bil-O says:

    Nice.

    Hey Lewis, where are the POWER RANKINGS?

  • Myles says:

    Anyone ever seen Joel’s wife? Freakin hot. I’d get sweaty with some dudes to get in bed with her!

    All in all he a solid guy that rips.

  • kyle says:

    you still doing the power rankings where they at

  • Shreddy Roosevelt says:

    I think it’s pretty ironic that you Lewis ball-lickers (using his terms and opinions over and over again) harp on Joel, a guy who knows how to surf properly and happens to do jiu-jitsu on the side while you praise the top 44 guys, who are the true latent homosexuals doing karate on their surfboards. Seriously, do you enjoy watching guys surfing the exact same way doing karate kicks over and over on the lip: “haya!! hayaaaaa!!!”. Does anyone here have an original thought, or think in more than one dimension? Haven’t we established that Blasphemy lives in Arizona and isn’t even funny?

  • JimG says:

    @ Vanilla . . .

    Admittedly, the guy can do tricks but that doesn’t mean his surfing is appealing to watch. In other words, he has no style, flow, etc. Not to mention, most top-44 surfers can pull airs, slides, 360s, etc. IN HEATS.

  • g.o.g.p says:

    his line should just be called: “Shaped by Bill Shrosbee with an extra $300 off the top for Joel”

    He doesn’t shape people, figure it out!

  • Joel's Dojo says:

    You kooks are just jealous. Joel is the man!!! So smooth.

  • Pobby Brown says:

    Don’t hate on the writer. Blame the editor!

  • Robert's Your Mother's Brother says:

    Kook Boxx has serious competition.

    http://www.swaylocks.com/surfshop/Detailed/4719.html

    Note to Sarah De Mers: You’ve had your piece published (even if it appears to be plagiarized - which is illegal by the way). Now go away.

  • Stu says:

    Joel’s Firsthand on Fuel TV was interesting and made me like him just a little less. That said, I’m starting to get the sense that Lewis is a little bitter at his current “ousider” position in the surf world. Lots of sellout discussions here, but we all know he’s positioning himself as some sort of surf journo “maverick” (for you, Mark). Here’s hoping Lewis finds himself in Indo one day with Ms. Pepperoni and her Casio camera.

  • sad realization says:

    Dare you mock the Messiah!
    He brought us back life. For years we grew fat and despondent. We sat on our couches watching ESPN, seeing 1/2 glimpses of a sport we thought we knew occasionally sandwiched between college ball. But than he came, re-incarnated as a scrawny boy with a loud mouth and a chip on his shoulder. He parted the seas, pushed back against the ingrates and opened up an untapped landscape (the area 20-40 feet outside of where waves break). from there we slipped in, from dusting off our tattered 60’s logs, to moving onwards to futuristic chinese popout and glorious Costco specials. Today even the honorable Watermen who use the mighty paddle, pay homage to his leadership as they extend further our dominance in the water. We have overcome the heathens, you youth, you in shape, you talented, you … You may dominate the industry and the press with your snide remarks and unwelcomed commentary, but we own you in the water. Hear us loud, Get out of the way.(Really, I mean it, I have very limited control of this thing, I am very afraid, and it could really hurt if I hit you)
    I bow to you Joel,
    Kookbox and onward…

  • Mike says:

    Who did Vanilla wafer Blow to get published?

    Funny how they’ll print some vapid “student” (Saddleback???), but avoid actual prose like the plague. Well, not funny, they’re playing to their audience.

    Which brings me back to an original theme, Mr Samuels. An entire intellectually engaged demographic of our sport is completely ignored. And we all want something to read….. except Mark, he’s challenged enough without challenge.

  • 3to5setsof7 says:

    This is starting to sound like a blog chock full of bitter has beens. It’s called capitalism. And if you don’t capitalize on what ya got then you become a victim. Victims suck becuase they whine and pine about all they don’t have, instead of trying, failing and succeeding in getting what they seek. Surfers must catch a wave to ride a wave. You seek it out. So props to Joel for seeking out a way notto be a has been victim.

    Lewis is capitalizing on his BoBo entitlement fuckery anti custard roots, he’s no different than Joel, or any other bastard that decides they want a slice if surfings custard pie.

    That Son of Sam LB looks pretty sweet on a day like today.

  • Pobby Brown says:

    @3to5:

    You meean Has Beens who Never were. . . .

  • Pobby Brown says:

    Or wannabe who’s never gonnabe

  • Good post Lew-dog. I hate it when hipsters like Tudor burn me on their retro spin-dog zappers and the like. I find that, as with everything else, it’s best to look to Chuck Norris when faced with such dilemmas.

    Chuck Norris once commented, “There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none.”

  • Mark says:

    @ Stu, sounds like your the bitter one because Joel is a pro, that makes him more special than you. Lewis is so talented riter and keeps an outsiders position because it makes him free to speak the truth.

    Karina Petroni is a hot surfer, and selling phones is good business. I think she rips and I wish I could surf like her, then you, STU, would have to call me a PRO!!!

    Imagine hanging out with JOrdy, STeph G, Meagen, Julian and of course Parko on a big ship in the Mentawaii’s, bintangs in the channel and full deep tubes all day long. After surfing, we could take pictures of each other with the cell phone camera! I’ll rite a post and send it to Lewis and you guys can keep up with our adventure!

    Lewis, do you think Tiago is cooler than Marlon or does Jeremy even cooler than the other two. Those Euro’s all blend together for me, but I was wondering who is the coolest. I know the Brazzo’s are not cool, they come here in December and we don’t like them even though they are pro’s too. I have to say, the local Hawaiin chargers are the coolest of them all and would win every title if they surfed the tour.

    Gonna go down to Foodland now and see if any pro’s are shopping, I’ll let you guys no.

    So go cry in your milk Stu, you only get to see Andrew Doheny…. and he isn’t even a full pro yet. May the Brookhurst Sewage Station suffer another “electrical” shortage and STu’s Newport flooded with inland crap. Please God, make that happen, they don’t go to church anyway.

  • Ballz says:

    Well stated Donny’s Brother and Chuck Norris. I think the key to any confrontation with Tudor is to punch him or kick him in the face. Under no circumstance should you engage him in ground fighting. Repeat: Do NOT engage Joel Tudor in a ground fight. As the video makes clear, a ground fight with Joel Tudor ends in 1 way–his nuts in your mouth.

  • God says:

    Sorry, Mark, I like Stu more than I like you. And, you should know that going to church doesn’t make up for being an asshole the rest of the week.

  • Ballz says:

    Incidentally, these same watermen that were trained in SUPing and retro longboarding would later be known as vaginas.

  • The Devil says:

    Just for the record, if you’ve ever commented on this site, expect to see me later.

  • F. Murray Abrahambone says:

    Lol @ SurferFL

    Me gonna beat everyone up. Grrrowwwll! Me so tough. Hear me roar!!

    Is that what they taught you at your weeknight yoga class?

    You were obviously taught martial arts by legendary Cobra Kai dojo, John Kreese.

    “No Mercy!”

    “Sweep the Leg!!!”

  • Magnum Q. Meatwhistle says:

    Joel would win any fight with anyone… even Chuck Norris. No opponent could possibly gain the necessary range to attack Joel without first losing an eyeball to the tip of his Toucan beak.

    I for one, love my precious eyeballs, and would steer clear of Mr. Tudor at all cost.

  • Vegas says:

    We’re taking bets on a Laird Hamilton v. Joel Tudor cage match to the death.

  • Magnum Q. Meatwhistle says:

    Btw/ Sarah De Mer = MILF.

    Yes, yes I would. But my fellatio skills pale in comparison to Joel being able to satisy her with his tongue AND his elephant nose.

    I bet he has to pick his boogers with a bulldozer.

  • A. Knoost says:

    All of this raises a rather obvious question. Would you rather spank Laird Hamilton (dressed in his finest little bo peep outfit) repeatedly in the ass with his own SUP paddle OR wear a 1980s glam rock wig and force Joel Tudor to gargle your balls?

  • A. Knoost says:

    I’m going with spank Laird in the ass. I bet his tears taste delicious.

  • Joel's Dojo says:

    Leave Joel alone!!

    “A wise man feareth, and departeth from evil: but the fool rageth, and is confident.” Proverbs 14:16

  • Richbzz says:

    Damn L.S. you made scream loud laughter when I finished reading this post and I scared the shit out of my cats. Joel Jitsu, some dude, Joel’s balls, Joel Tudor… f-ing epic.
    ^^^^

  • Mike says:

    Just watched the vid, there’s gotta be something better to do in SD on a flat day.

  • A. Knoost says:

    Indeed there is Mike. Meet me at the Office in La Jolla at 10:00 p.m. sharp with a new tube of racket balls and some bungee.

  • Paul Reubens says:

    A. Knoost is just creepy.

  • Mike says:

    Knowing you A Knoost, the Office is a gay bar filled with the Bird Rock bandits. You know, the Christian group that kills people for spilling beer.

    Besides, how would I notice you, you change your hair style every day? Oh, right, the skinny Jeans and Diva sunglasses. Better luck with Joel, though I wouldn’t give him any bungee’s considering his inclination towards grappling.

  • Jeff Smyrna says:

    Fuck that, I got a can of lube and some racket balls in my truck, but I gotta wait until 10PM!

    I need to make a trip out there and meet y’all, them sounds like some funny parlor games. We play games here too and not all of them involve fresh Chicken blood. Sometimes we use a cow.

    Does anyone know how much United charges for my SUP travel coffin? If I was going to Hawaii, I’d just borrow one of Mark’s SUP’s, but I heard he doesn’t use the paddles. Imagine paddling with Laird and Todd Holland on a moonlit night into La Jolla cove and meeting A KNoost for a beer!?!?! Don’t get no better than that. God bless and amen.

  • Ballz says:

    Off topic, but I wanted to check my ethics with you people. In these hard economic times, I’ve taken to pulling surf mags from the grocery store rack, taking them to the shitter and reading them in their entirety there. I’m not wiping my ass with the subscription cards as they fall out or anything weird like that. But I do leave them in the stall for the convenience of the next patron. I just want to save a little money. Is this wrong? Chris Cote? Anyone?

  • Jeff Smyrna says:

    Oh and BTW… Mark rides a 7′2″ SUP in waves over double overhead! That takes skill Tim Ryan.

    @Ballz… but do you pick the subscription cards up from the grocery store bathroom floor and place them back? You do bring up a good point Mr ballz, one can easily finish off a new issue in the time it takes to drop a dump.

  • Selly Klater says:

    is this the websites from where I can buy kock boxes? i’ve heard they werk better then fleshlights. Joel Tewdor ur my hero.

  • surfcheck says:

    Problem is if a fight is serious it won’t be settled with Ju Juitsu- so the skills are only useful for fighting in the ring. But martial arts training is the bomb.

    I saw video of Joel at Puerto Escondito, he was ripping but on a longboard just looks lame-

  • Daize Shayne says:

    OMG! Selly is so DUMB! Like, learn how to spell before you write down things on the internet. Other people can see what you say.

  • Dick Cheney says:

    Ms. Shayne is one nice piece of AAAAYYYSSSS, bitches.

  • The Nug says:

    @ Mark

    How dare you blast the Brookhurst Sewage Station. This is my home. Sure it smells and I was born with a minor staph infection but you get used to it. After time you learn to inbrace the runoff from the Santa Ana River Delta. Sometimes I go down there with a banjo and washbaord and play the Santa Ana River Delta Blues with a tin cup in full view. It pay for my weekly Kaiser Permanente co-pays. Dr. Hsu say the Virus is almost gone and the cream he prescribed is beteer than the Zinka. Just don’t get it in your eyes.

    And Doheny is one of the 54th semi-pros. He wouldn’t dare cross the city line on the other side of the river. Besides, Timmy Reyes is the man in these parts and he has that sewage stick in his moustache to prove it.

  • Jack Colt says:

    Ju Jitsu, like surfing, is one of the very few outlets rapists and child molesters alike can use to release their insatiable urge. It is evident Joel Tudor is a dangerous individual that should be tranquilized.

  • Magnum Q. Meatwhistle says:

    @ Jack Colt 2:49pm

    Lmfao!

  • Mark says:

    I decided to climb Mt. Kaala today and meditate to escape the world of post surf while gazing wistfully at the beauty all around. I took my 8 pound Terrier-Chihuahua mix Eddie and we trudged up the hill for a couple of hours then rested and took in the quiet glory of Kaena Point.

    ” Why”, I asked Ed, ” do they have to keep commenting as me? Have I said anything negative about anyone? Maybe a couple of small jabs at Lewis but good Lord please!!!! I do not deserve this!”

    When I returned home I had a message from SmyrnaJeff on Facebook saying he was having the same problem. You would think these people would have more to deal with in their lives.

    I hope the contest starts soon.

  • yeah says:

    @ Jack The Ripper Sasaki-Severson says:

    holy shit dude i was just joking!

    in other news, i am getting a little tired of lewis’ various ‘custard/tapioca’ lines.

  • Mark says:

    I decided to mount Kala today.

  • Mark says:

    Mark @ 3:04 is not me.

  • West Hollywood says:

    Not sure if this belongs here or in the waterman post:

    Joel Tudor on a SUP!

    http://www.veoh.com/browse/videos/category/sports/watch/v246309q8WF5xAA

  • Mark says:

    Correction: Mark at 3:51 is not me

  • I am suddenly reminded of another Postsurf post in which Samuels dipped his swollen pen in the ol’ man-on-man ink to indulge his readers with another such crossover act: http://postsurf.com/tag/jesse-ventura/

    Lewis, is there something you’re trying to tell us? I know we, your devout (and patient) readers, can all seem rather judgmental at times, but the truth is that we’re here for you. Just say it. We’re waited on baited breath.

    To confirm our–I think it’s safe to write that I speak for at least one other reader/poster–suspicions, please write your next post around one of the following topics:

    1) Tabloid fodder; say something about Rumer Willis . . . wait, you’ve already gone that route.

    2) Something about another man’s nipples . . . nevermind.

    3) Something catty about female surfers . . . dang!

    4) How about a piece on homosexual beastiality? . . . Yikes! TurtleGate!

    5) How about multiple posts which give you an excuse to write about and post supposedly disparaging photos of a super hunky guy like Laird Hamilton? . . . Damn!

    6) How about a post in which you wax nostalgiac over the days when pantsing an dutch-rubbing teenage boys was in fashion? . . . I’m running out of blatantly gay ideas here, Lewis!

    7) Okay, how about one where you ask your readers to focus on different male physique types? . . . Oy vey!

    . . . Nevermind, I’ll just wait patiently with your other male readers–forgive me Mrs. Brophy–for your next homoerotic post.

  • Joel's Dojo says:

    Vanilla!! Thank you. The media paparazzi needs to leave our surfing heroes alone. All Lewis cares about is readers and making money off professional surfers. Leave Joel alone! He’s a human!!

  • Taj's Burro™ says:

    This is an ancient art, this jiu jitsu stuff.

    Wrestling among men goes back. Thousands of years old. All the way back to the Greeks.

    Oh no. This jiu jitsu shit ain’t gay.

    Joel told me so.
    http://www.ericsundwall.com/resources/greek%20olympian%20wrestling.jpg
    http://www.statuaryplace.com/store/images/Nude%20Greek%20Olympic%20Wrestlers.jpg
    http://www.talariaenterprises.com/images3/6425a.jpg

    On second thought,…. Hey, he did ask if he could borrow my burrow.

  • Taj's Burro™ says:

    This is an ancient art, this jiu jitsu stuff.

    Wrestling among men goes back. Thousands of years old. All the way back to the Greeks.

    Oh no. This jiu jitsu shit ain’t gay.

    Joel told me so.

    http://www.ericsundwall.com/resources/greek%20olympian%20wrestling.jpg

  • Taj's Burro™ says:

    http://www.talariaenterprises.com/images3/6425a.jpg

    Hey, wait. He just asked if he could borrow my Burrow.

  • trauzersnake says:

    Great post Lewis-I was laughing out loud in my cubicle. I can’t really say Joel sucks-I saw him surfing live, from behind, as he dropped in on me on a pretty good left at Bird a long time ago.

    That said, and based on today’s post, I’ve reached the following conclusions:

    1.) Participation in any activity in which it is possible to end up in a head scissors with some dudes sweaty bat wings pressed around your nose and mouth, is for fags.

    2.) Joel Tudor is a cockface

    3.) JimG=Cumdumpster.

  • trauzersnake says:

    And by sucks I mean at surfing.

  • Taj's Burro™ says:

    The Iron Sheik brings it out of the closet. Finally tells it like it really is. Even mentioning Mike Jackson.

    Or was that Joel Tudor?

    Wrestling. A long history here.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9K-wEUCCvE0&locale=en_US&persist_locale=1

  • Mike says:

    @TAj’s Burrow…. It’s not gay if you end up on top. That’s how Mexicans see it. One time I asked a righteous mexican why the top isn’t gay and he answered succinctly, “Because he’s on top”. “Yeah, but doesn’t the top need to be excited to enter the bottom, proving possibly the oposite”….

    I left he pondering that equation.

  • Taj's Burro™ says:

    @Mike,

    You must have freaked him right out. How long did it take that friend of yours to drop to his knees, (again), get over to his Church and start confessing and repenting?

  • sf says:

    @Mike

    Joel’s wife left that creepy vegan long ago. And probably for good reason.

  • F. Murray Abrahambone says:

    Like CustardVanillaWafer said, I too believe Lewis should quit this BS and start telling us what the latest and greatest boarshorts we should be wearing is.

  • Yeah Bitch! says:

    100!! You stinking manure filled cocksucklings!!

  • ELKO says:

    Funny shit as usual. I don’t get the whole grown men wrestling on the ground thing…

  • @ F. Murray Abrahambone

    Look no further for the boardshorts Samuels would recommend: http://www.physiquebodywareusa.com/Images/Thumbnail_Images/tn_726m.jpg

  • Chris Crocker says:

    @ Vanilla

    Leave Lewis alone!!

  • SDP Man says:

    I am a Sit Down Paddle Man. I attached a lawn chair to a giant boogie board. Between sets I masturbate.

  • Mark says:

    This is official. My name is mark. The real mark.

    Someone is commenting as me. Many times it is Mike doing it but it is also, I believe, lewis as well.

    This, right now, is the LAST TIME I am going to comment on Post Surf in any capacity until the contest starts. If you read a comment from Mark or SmyrnaJeff after this it is NOT ME. Some people just can’t seem to play fair so it is time to take away all the toys and take a little time out.

  • Leave Mark alone! I quite too.

  • sf says:

    @Dick Cheney

    Ms. Shayne may be a Minotaur, have you seen the head on the bitch?

  • Kauai Locals who beat up taylor camp hippies says:

    We saw Tudor longboarding Pinetrees with Jimmy Irons one time.

  • Kampion, Hynd,Warshaw and Hawk says:

    Nuuhiwa in his prime was a better nose rider but Joel is tougher.

  • Ann Coulter says:

    Tudor is cool. I hear he had a Yukon at one point. I like that. I hate fags that drive hybrids and pretend to be green.

  • Average Guy says:

    I’m just an average guy but I think Joel is a heck of a nose rider.

    And after what happened with him and Danny Fuller on the North Shore I don’t blame Joel for learning how to defend himself.

  • Mario Van Peebles Sr. says:

    Has anyone here seen my son?

  • Mike says:

    @ Taj The Mexican dudes world was spinning, logic had made it’s first foray into his “critical” thinking. Probably drank himself to sleep that night and woke up praying.

    @ Mark, you are suffering from a paranoia. Neither Lewis or I have the time to fucKeraround with your name posting. Please come back from the ledge, off the plank. You’re the one who’s scoring madness perfection every day, you shouldn’t be so high strung. You are a ping pong of emotion, up then down. Not that we don’t need a level of femininity occasssionally here, but not from you.

    And apparently you outed yourself Smyrna J.

  • Smelly Hybrid Driving Hippy Dirt Bag says:

    @ Ann Coulter

    Fuck off you skank! Go pop Oxycontin with Rush and listen to George Strait with Sean Hannity!

    Have you seen Loose Change bitch? Not the surf movie but the one about what REALLY happened on 9-11? Bush is EVIL! Republicans SUCK.

    Money vs. Humanity!!!!!!!!!!! Biyatch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Fidel says:

    I am claiming June 2009 to be in the top 5 months EVER in Central America.

  • Ann Coulter says:

    @ Mike

    ” Not that we don’t need a level of femininty here occasionally”.

    What exactly would you call me you fucking left wing nut case?

  • Mike says:

    @Mark….. Do you know that bonehead from Texas that started the melee in Kandui over a snorkel?

    He’s “from” the North Shore too and a southern boy…. what was that clowns name?

  • Mike says:

    @Ann Coulter…. what would I call you? A schill without a scrap of female persuasion.

    @Fidel, back from your first surf trip and claiming history no less.

    @Smelly hippy driving dirtbag… wow, that’s a long name…. hybrid left wing nut case. Nice to have you back……

  • Missing Mailman says:

    What did we do to piss you off Dave? Was it when mark told you to not get your panties in a wad? If so then no worries he is gone for awhile.

    Please come back in time for the contest! Au Revoir!!!

  • seasnake says:

    Tudor is a pussy. Remember Joyce Gracie on his last UFC appearance when he had to fight someone who actually knew what the fuck they were doing and kicked his ass? I spent many years fighting on the NASKA circuit, and those MMA type fucktards were the easiest to take out. No skill. The martial arts equivalent of SUP clowns.

  • CaliGirl says:

    1. )@Ballz. News stand price of Surfer is $5.99. For $5.99 ($2.00 more than Cosmo and half the size)I expect well written articles, not cut and paste articles by a student at Saddleback Community College (and for those that do not know, Saddleback is where all the rich kids From Orange County go when they could not get into a real university). So I say head to the Bathroom Ballz and enjoy. I read an article in the June issue that had one paragraph that was just one long sentence with many coma’s written by Brad Melekian, it was like he was being paid per word (?). Yes it is the editor’s responsibility not to publish poorly written articles.
    2.)As a female I am even uncomfortable with sweaty men rolling around on the floor grabbing at each other. Nothing HOT about that.
    3.) Stop posting under other peoples names, it’s just lame.

  • Shaka Zulu says:

    Interesting You Tube vid…And here I thought looking at half-naked men in surf magazines was gay. That’s just beyond.

  • Mike says:

    Glad you qualified yourself as female, CaliGirl, you were beginning to read like….

  • Alex Chilton says:

    Stroke it Joel.

  • Blasphemy Rottmouth says:

    CaliGirl’s point number three is the most important thing that has e’er been written on this site.

    It’s not just lame, it’s gawdamn ponderous to wade through these threads and all the detritus littered here by those who think they’re funny when they post under someone else’s alias.

    Just make your own name and let the shennanigans follow…

  • Mike says:

    Do you really want to wake Blasph, Bammy? Let him sleep it off.

  • Chris Bell says:

    Shut it Chilton

  • Fidel says:

    @ CaliGirl

    I agree #3.

  • Mike says:

    Off subject, whatever that is, how is it that Donte Stallworth has just finished his sentence for murder?

  • Mike says:

    Fuck you Fidel….

  • The coalition to ban Fidel says:

    Stop being an idiot, you contradict yourself with every other breath.

  • Robert's Your Mother's Brother says:

    Lewis Samuels started a ‘blog’. I remember reading somewhere on it that he said to expect something “different”. It is. He has also given you and I - all of us - a place to state our opinions, fuck with each other, whine and whinge and write some insightful, intelligent and sometimes fricken’ hilarious comments. It’s also a forum for the less than clever, or worldly, or even literate. He’s got some passion so you, and I, may not always agree with what he writes. But I’m glad it’s available and there is no advertising so it would appear there’s no profit in it. I guess in that respect it’s a public service of sorts.

    Somehow this post on Joel Tudor is a revelation or epiphany. It’s not necessarily about Joel himself, but what is being done by him (and others) and what he, and ‘it’, represents.

    It’s about the incessant theft of the soul of surfing. Not the sport, but the what-ever-the fuck-it-is-other-than-a sport. The profiteering, the smarmy ass kissing, the ‘I won’t say what I really think or believe or feel because it might cost me some money or offend someone’.

    One might think, and even expect, that someone like Joel (and Rasta, etc.) and all the myriad of others who have that gift to surf at that level and ability in something so difficult to truly master and something that is so special to all of us, would not siphon from it. It’s rape and pillage. As I said to someone recently, I understand why Jesus went into the temple and turned over the tables of the money changers (as the story goes). It’s sacrilege. It’s my religion. And I’m tired of it being fucked with.

    All any of us want to do is be able to go surfing. That is, go to whatever beach we please, catch and ride some waves without being hassled, dropped in on, dialogued to death, have our space infringed on, etc. That’s it. Simple.

    But the ‘surf’ companies need the ‘sport’ to grow. So do the pros.

    The ‘Sport’. Not the action, not the feeling, not the spirit and soul of what we do, just product increase. Sales, that’s it.

    It’s not about furthering the grace. That’s not what they are in it for. Maybe in the beginning, but not now.

    Then, usually via ‘Pro Surfing’, they market it to the world. They are not selling the real feeling, the truth of it, the solitary, individual and personal aspect of who we are and why we are doing what we do. It’s merchandise. That is why people like Joel Tudor and the rest of the sales and businessmen ultimately turn us off. It’s about the benefit of a few at the expense of many. And the ‘many’ is us.

    We are the majority. And the people like Joel that we would hope would not participate, not defect, disappoint and disillusion us. Again and again. It’s not ok, nor acceptable.

    For them to continue ‘the glide’ as the author of this blog has pointed out, they have to ‘sell out’, so to speak. But it’s at the expense of you and I and anyone else who simply wants to go and ride some waves in peace. With some friends. Even with some strangers who somehow know that you can actually show respect, take turns, and coexist in the lineup. Regardless of ability level.

    If there’s anyone in surfing who truly and purely deserves to make money from it, then it’s the board makers. The shapers, glassers, sanders, polishers, etc. The guys who blow the blanks, the finmakers.

    No surfboard, no surfing as Wayne Lynch once said.

    But all the hype, ‘sidebar’ as Ballz would say, has just gotten to a level of saturation where it’s intolerable. To counter balance it, there’s this website.

    It’s good that we call ‘bullshit’ on the surfing media, on the pro’s, on Billabong, Quiksilver, Rip Curl, Volcom, Insight, O’Neill. The list goes on. When we stop, then win. And the legions of people that can’t think for themselves take over.

  • Mike says:

    If drinking is training, Mark is Lance Armstrong.

  • Robert's Your Mother's Brother says:

    When we stop, they win. And the legions of people that can’t think for themselves take over.

  • Mike says:

    @ Roberts Your Mothers blah,blah, blah

    the concept for that vehicle is legit, a forgotten demo and it’s all yours. Risk, yes, but no overhead means advantage and superior content equals a new market…. surfers.

    You are on the program already, but wasting your time. During every downturn, opportunities lie hidden. A genuine read will generate subscription and your editorial opens up expotetially. The Corpo’s won’t be able to not patronize you. Because you are the only one talking directly to the market.

    Don’t be scared of sustainable destiny, your pen will carry you.

  • Blasphemy Rottmouth says:

    Okeedokee. Time to listen up. I’m not fucking around here kids.

    Will we let this blog turn into a congregation of regurgitated kindergarten humor? Posting under someone else’s alias, much like calling someone a fag, takes an IQ of a moth to assemble in the average person’s brain. Comments of that sort should be left to the daft mediocrity of every other surfing blog and message board out there.

    Me? I’m guilty as Frank Abagnale at using ‘different’ aliases… which is a whole other topic. So, in the interest of a perceived fairness, I’ll stop using all the retarded names in an effort to clear the airways:

    Mario Van Peebles Jr.
    F. Murray Abrahambone
    A.I.’s Dealer
    Occy’s Underbite
    Magnum Q. Meatwhistle

    Sayonara. Bon Voyage.

    And while my fingers refuse to stop typing; why d’feck do several of you think I’m Lewis Samuels? Because I agree with much of what he has to say? Because I get his sadistic sense of humor? Because he provides a different perspective on the sport I grew up learning and attempting to master since my toddling feet first learned to walk? Because I heed his secret telepathic messages urging me to blow up every home for battered women that I drive past? Well, color me confuckingfused.

    I thought that was a pretty good reason to check up on a blog, read through the post, THEN formulate a semi-coherent and possibly humorous response… all before purchasing my needed explosives from a contraband dealer in Nicaragua. Guess I’ve been doing this shit wrong all along.

    Maybe I should follow the lead of a few here who seem to log on every single day, read through the post and all 100+ comments, then leave a boilerplate ‘Lewis sucks; he’s a homo; he can’t write; he can’t surf,’ fecal-log of a comment and call it a day.

    Or, maybe I should just provide a lifetime’s worth of fellatio service to Robert’s Your Mother’s Brother for putting together something that made my hamster’s start spinning.

    I need a drink.

  • Mike says:

    The ASP needs to lead the advertisers….. as do the magazines. As the economy wanes, the leverage will shift. Heavy operations will continue to sink as fresh editorials engage the total demo without their competitors overhead.

    Knock, knock, “Is Lewis home?”.

  • Blasphemy Rottmouth says:

    P.S.

    Fuck you liver!

  • Mike says:

    @Blasphemy Rottmouth

    confuckingfused, you are. New medium is waiting.

  • Blasphemy Rottmouth says:

    P.P.S.

    I will never… ever… relinquish my title to Yeah, Bitch!

    That shit is grandfathered into the bylaws of this website.

    Just ask Lewie.

  • Dave Mailman says:

    @Missing Mailman. Kind of brought a tear to my eye to hear someone missed me… Truthfully, I wasn’t gone at all, just didn’t feel inspired enough to comment. Now that you’ve stroked my ego however, here are a few thoughts from the last couple of weeks:
    - Whoever has been dissing Rabbit, go easy! The man is a legend, and has arguably done more to improve the ASP and PRO surfing since it started. He was fighting a tough battle and it finally got to him. Maybe K9 should retire and take over for him!
    - If the ASP already has a problem attracting sponsors, as well as the tow-in tour and big wave riding, imagine the niche sponsor it will take to get someone to come on board for the Waterman’s tour deal! Good luck and keep drinking the Kool Aid!
    - Speaking of tours, Mark or Mike, can’t remember said something about a seniors tour… Unfortunately, even at the meager cost of $500K USD per event, no one in the industry or out wants to sponsor a comp with Curren, Occy, Elko, Gerr, Cheyne, MR, Bugs, Shaun, Dane, etc. in it! Don’t know why… Even Kelly said the 1999 QS Masters final at Lafitenia in France between Elko and Curren was one of the best heats he’d ever seen. Anyway grey bearded dudes don’t sell product apparently.
    - SUPing… Never done it, but won’t knock it ’til I’ve tried it. I can understand the physical fitness aspect, but I get my enjoyment from doing turns and feeling loose! Not saying you can’t turn a SUP, but you get my drift!
    - Joel Tudor is a freak… on a surfboard! A true master of style on any board, far from the K9 of longboarding though. What he does in his spare time, rolling around on a mat, is his deal. Once again, though, a little respect please. While I’ve never had my head in a death grip between another guy’s thighs, I have trained with some top ju jitsu fighters, and just the warm up work out had me dry heaving inside of 15 minutes!
    - Would you all pay a subscription fee of $10 USD to watch every webcast (if the quality was there)? If you would, each event could probably pay for itself, no industry sponsor necessary. Just a thought!

    Gotta go!

  • Alex Chilton says:

    @ Chris Bell: you’re dead.

  • stop oh yes wait a minute mr mailman says:

    We love you Dave. Thanks for commenting.

    Vote no on the fairness doctrine.

  • Windansea, Sunset, Hanalei and the Lane says:

    R.I.P. Mike Croteau.

  • Dave Mailman says:

    Somebody loves me? OMG! Bust out the tissues, now I really am going to cry! No, but, seriously, I really, truly can not wait for the Curren and Occy heat, as it will be, if all the conditions come together, just possibly, the most incredible, out of this world, amazing showcase of surfing skills ever seen on the shores of South Africa, or anywhere else in the world for that matter… Believe me.

  • Dave Mailman says:

    Moderation. Right. See you all when Mark comes back to play. In the meantime, BR, it’s OK to play with your different imaginary friends. They’re funny guys, especially Magnum, and of course Smyrna, Trauzer, Mike, Angry Villager (you too?), and Taj’s Burrow need company, and the rest of us need something to read between LS’ posts…

  • sad that someone has to cheapen surfing cause they have no skills to get a real job…jeezus…trestles would have been 1/50 less packed if it weren’t for assholes like joel tudor

  • Abrahambone's bone says:

    You dudes suck!!!!!! Bunch of haters. Tudor has so much style and ability and and he’s a great guy. Why all the hate? Cos he’s different from your typical bro-brah jock? Let the man do his thing, fucking imbeciles. You’re all a bunch of bastard children looking for their jock dad through day time soap operas playing on their crack whore’s mother’s broken, black and white television. And that my friends, is what ruins surfing in America.

  • john says:

    This has nothing to do with Tudor, i like him, but how’s that effin Swatch ad of Bobby ??? A new low in advertising.

  • God says:

    Silly Joel. Here’s what I intended jiu jitsu to be used for: http://www.buzzhumor.com/videos/13242/Surfers_Fighting

  • alpaca says:

    @Mailman and ASP

    i would pay for an annual asp ‘online media pass’ that would allow me to watch the webcast.in a tier 1 format so that it can be presented full screen etc…also a better production overall and with a well done complete contest wrap up video (80-90% of all the waves ridden)that could be downloaded…NFL films style.

    time for the asp to also get some meetings with the NFL, PGA, NASCAR, Premier League…and maybe some key owners like Jerry Jones.

    It’s a niche product (pro surfing) but it’s sustainable.

  • the critic's critic says:

    mr. postsurf, why would anyone give you a hard time just for speaking your opinion on joel tudor’s “retro ball-licking,” everyone can speak their mind (until of course you’ve made us all conscientious of even being cool enough to surf, then you and eddie rothmann can sit in the vip section of whichever break you choose to endow your presence with and look down on us with your caustic priviliged stares…) Speaking of ball-licking, i’ve noticed you haven’t haven’t been riding the da hui william lately, not even a goofy photo of you standing underneath a nude kala alexander with his balls placed o’ so ever delicately upon your cabeza, was there a fallout…? I did hear Eddie has a “giver” personality as well, so i would understand a conflict (god, we need our own Surfer US mag…..)

    ps…this post was made at the the home of my aging hollywood celeb mom…

    pps….everytime i read your post it makes me uncomfortably think of the bruce willis character in pulp fiction, something about that watch really made hime self-conscious…..

  • bdub says:

    Didn’t tudor take up jiu jitsu after getting beat by fuller at pipe? I don’t see anyone here calling the wolfpak fags for their grappling involvement….just saying.

  • Stu says:

    really, it was a fuller beating that started Joel down the wrestling road?

  • Buzzy Behagg says:

    that chick at least writes better than that
    Tim Baker fuck stick ! !

  • Woah says:

    My only Joel story was out at Blacks. He got some great waves and I was impressed by his tube skills. It wasn’t till someone ask him if he “knows what time it is.” Joel’s reply was. “I don’t believe in time.”
    You know, I’m down with not believing in time sometimes. I guess Tom Blake was an influence. I was baffled by his statement though. If you don’t believe in time, do you just show up to the airport whenever you want for your sponsored trip? Pick up your kid from school whenever you damn please? Did they plan his longboard world championship heat around when he showed up. Can someone explain this to me. It sounds like a nice way to live.

  • Frank Booth says:

    Old news. The writing at Surfer has gone further and further down hill over the years. Saw the latest issue and it’s full of errors and just plain bad English. It seems that the semi-literates who run and edit the mag rely on a spell checker, which is much less reliable than a firm grasp of English.
    Of course, you best not ridicule their bad writing over at the Surfermag BB. Otherwise, the asshole known as Scott Bass (aka Mr Thin Skin) will ban you. Punk-ass bitch that he is…

  • Scott Cbass says:

    you want beef??????

  • Mike says:

    Chris Mauro left and the mag was taken over by an SUP, case closed. It’s not like there was much room to fall, so bottoming out completely should have been a contingency.

  • Frank says:

    Scott CBass posed the question: “you want beef??????”.

    Fuck you, and your inbred illiterate ancestors.

  • Wizard's Sneeze says:

    Joel had to call that shit KookBox, Surftech was already taken.

  • Fucking great article!

    Lewis if anyone ever touches you in retaliation for your post just mention their name on here and they will be fucking dead!

    Joel is a kook and kook box is a perfect name for his gay as clothing line.

  • Joel Patterson says:

    Oh man, Lewis. I strongly advise you to avoid personally meeting Joel. Seriously.

  • Chuck Vespucci says:

    I build and ride, old, Blake style, “kook boxes” and I am pissed that Joel is hijacking that name. Shite, now it’s not even cool to be a “kook”. Thanks wankstar.

  • Felix says:

    Has anyone seen the Kook Box website? Tudor may be god’s gift to surfers, but he can’t string a sentence together to save his life. I looked at 3 of the boards he has on offer (along with the 3 associated web pages), and gave up in grammatical disgust.

    Dumbass.

  • ss says:

    hey fuck all of you i bet half of u dont surf so once you know how to surf then talk shit he can kick ur ass surf logs and anything better than ur fat asses so shut the fuck up

  • ss says:

    scoot can surf none of you little bitches can shut ur mouths and cum 2 cardiff and talk shit tojoel and scotts face

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