BREAKING NEWS: As TurtleGate enters its 20th day, our top story is the shocking confirmation that Michael Jackson is still dead.
In other TurtleGate news, PostSurf is proud to feature the photographs of Stuart Gibson, a Tasmanian photog who has recently been connected to the scandal.
In an exclusive interview, Mr. Gibson confessed to PostSurf, " I was actually on that Mexico trip with Mooney, but not on the turtle boat."
Perhaps in a foolish attempt to distract us from the truth, Mr. Gibson was kind enough to share some of his images with PostSurf.
Gibson's latest project is - a new-fangled interweb site that features fresh, daily images from a crew of top-shelf global shooters.
"Too often the work of many photographers is left on the cutting room floor, with the magazines handpicking only a small selection of images from what is often an amazing collection," notes Mr. Gibson. " goal is to bring these unpublished images back for your enjoyment."
Suck on that, you corporate surfmag monkeys! We web log sites may be less glossy than you, and we may not manifest ourselves in actual physical form, and we may not have the support of the surf industry, or any industry for that matter... but we're gonna take your ass down! Backwoods style!
This is guerilla warfare, you simple Billabong-ball-gargling bastards. And like any good gorilla at war, I'm not afraid to shit in my own hand - cause now I gots somethin' to throw at ya! Ka-POW!
What’s the waiting period on the power rankings?
Fuck the rankings. These are incredible. I’m pretty sure I’ve never been able to read someone’s dimensions off the bottom of a thruster, submarine, in mid-cutty. Also love that third image - it’s like a mountainside. Brilliant.
I don’t know how you do it L.S or B.R. or whatever, but you keep coming up with the perfect posts for the moment more often than not. BTW I forgot to give you props for the 4th of July post a while back. The Will Adler photo dispatch and your words couldn’t have been more perfect for that hot summer day in my world. Thanks man and keep it coming. I usually check your site right after bouy 41112 everyday for the killer daily surf enjoyment, backwoods garage style couldn’t be more spot on. mahalo.
Bouy 41112 doesn’t quite come through very often but yesterday in Fishtown we had one of the those old school non forecasted, perfect angle, head high green dream days. Made it feel like one of those old bicycle days when you come over the dune with you and your buddy having your fingers crossed and the mojo working in full effect.
Now we’re talkin’.
Shipsterns, Shipsterns, Shipsterns, Carrol on the way to Shipsterns,file footage…..
@Dave Mailman…. Yesterday you wrote that you couldn’t remember if Mark or I had introduced an idea. As anyone who reads this fuckery knows, Mark has no ideas unique to himself. This insult will not be tolerated and will inspire me to be quite motivated and proactive concerning Dave the Mailman. The ASP needs to take control of it’s product, the merch should be peripheral. Whatever bullet that involves initially will return the organization to a position of control. The NFL does not pander to it’s corpo sponsors, even when it tries. The product on the field is the NFL, not Nike.
Judging would benefit, format would be finalized, production of telecasts would feature surfing instead of beach scenes and everyone would pony up 10. to filter out all the bullshit. Rabbit is not a hero, he’s a corpo stooge and he didn’t invent the internet. He leaves a mess circling the drain, no consistent format, inconsistent judging, horrific commentating and a hand held production at best…. distracted by anything but the surfing. Amatuer, if not for the corporate money. And don’t get me started on the failing schedule, it really is only a dream to the advertisers.
And to think I was warming up to you, Dave the Mailman. Father to be, living by his fiancee’s rule book and volunteering his ( acclaimed) talent to a very needy announcing booth(?).
Insulted and motivated, Mike
only ideas i have is coming up with 5 different marks and talking to myself all day on Postsurf. it keeps me busy in this cube i call work. as i frolick around the office delivering coffee and doughnuts to my coworkers, all i can ever think of is getting back to the cube and checking the comments on postsurf
Animal Collective. Modern Collective. The Background Collective. And now, “The Collective” ! Wow Stuey, super original !
Yes it’s amazing how crappy the webcasts are even disregarding Brazil. Despite the pitiful purses you’d think it possible to do a decent webcast. Slater and Lewis last year at Ulus are good commentators. Occy and AI are pitiful- its a skill-set.
I love surf shots that show the surroundings- like Mavs from the lineup looking back at Piller Point- its a long fucking way back to the beach.
One time we were on a trip to Hatteras and this dude from Jersey burned Gorkin on a sweet left. Later on in the parking lot Gork dropped trow and cranked a steaming pile right into his hand and hurled it at the kook like a Nolan frickin Ryan fastball.
And BTW Mark @ 10:28 a.m. is not Mark. It is probably some 14 year old pimple faced mega masturbator that lives with his mom in Tucson and has never seen the ocean or kissed a chick. He just sits there crankin it all day in the a.c. while reading surfer mag and marking off the days until the family trip to San Diego that his mom alsways promises but never delivers because her methed out boyfriend keeps whoopin her ass when she refuses to give him money.
Funny Jeff.
Does anyone else feel old when they see that picture of TC?
God, is that you in the wheelchair?
Glad to see Mailman throwing his hat back in the ring. Always enjoy reading his perspective on the tour. The pay-per-view web-cast option is a good idea.
The underwater shot middle-bottom is insane. Kudos.
I think Billabong does a half descent job with their contest webcast even with G.T. They def have the cash and sponsors to pull it off. The Brazil contest was unwatchable unless Slater was in the booth. Mike, you bring up some good points about Rabbit. He did kind of kick it before the job was done and perfected.
Qoute of the today…. “It’s looking more and more likely that we’ll be running the new format. But we haven’t made an official decision just yet” Mike Parsons, Billabong Contest Director
They are already in a waiting period and they haven’t set the rules of the game? Losers round or no? Unbelievable. Maybe they can run half the heats single elimination, and give the top 16 a losers round? Or how about we put all the names in a hat and pick out the quarterfinalists!
Wonder why the tour could never attract an umbrella sponsor from outside the industry? Amatuer hour, painful to watch at times.
The CT guys are so fucking good, all one would have to do is stand out of the way and capture the surfing. Pure and simple. Shut the fuck up, the art doesn’t need a narrative or a circus on shore.
@ God…How much time does Tom Carroll have left on earth?
Christ he could audition for the remake of The Old man and The Sea…nice portrait though.
Reprinted without permission (sorry Freddy P, but i did correct one of your spelling errors)from insurfnews website
Kelly Slater is starting a New Tour!!! Is it true?Here’s what I’ve heard so far on this New Tour rumor. Kelly’s long time manager is spear heading the idea, he and Kelly already have silent investors willing to fund the new tour. Investors that supposedly have no ties to any one major surf company. If a company chooses to sponsor an event it will cost them around 1.5 million. ESPN and insurfnews.com are the official media outlets for the new tour. Kelly and company have the green light to run events starting next year and have guaranteed funds in order to run for a minimum of 3 years. As a result Kelly is obligated or volunteered to surf the new tour for the first 3 years. Along with Kelly will be 15 other top pros, how they will be selected is yet to be determined. ASP is shitting in it’s pants.
We’ll keep you guys updated. In the mean time this subject is open for discussion. Lets start rumors.
So what do all you boys and girls think about this? I do know if ESPN is involved the production value will go up, and hopefully everything will be PRO’s not BRO’s.
KABOOM! I can’t wait to see that right hand hook from Mr. Lewis. All 5′5” 130 lbs. of it. Midget.
CaliGirl spreading wildfire, should have employed her during Turtle gate, Lewie.
Interesting bit about how GT likes to hold a microphone on “Lakka Fire Crakka”, Chapter 1. Start at about the 30 second mark and prepare to be horrified. The best part is the awkward transition after he realizes what he has just said.
Oh yeah, and good reconoissance CaliGirl. I dedicate the next subscription card to you.
Kelly and ESPN better get on the GT wagon pretty quick like.
Re; Billabong backstage w/ GT…great audio guys…they must of brought the production crew from Brazil with them. Hey sound guy there is this thing called a “mic check” it is usually done before you start shooting. And while I am on the subject, I have watched a few other Vids on the site the sound levels being recorded are far to low, but you can “bump them up” before you post on the site. The lighting and camera work at the press conference was incredibly bad….come on guys you are not on a island somewhere, I’m sure you can get a hold of some lights and a decent camera. I am thinking this is not the production crew from Tahiti.
@ CaliGirl
You west coast chicks are kind of mouthy. We like our girls barefoot and pregnant down here.
Quit bitching and go cook me some grits and black eyed peas!
@ CaliGirl
Go home cook rice.
Do you ever have anything positive to say? With the exception of your third point yesterday we have heard nothing but whining from you.
Maybe it is that time of the month?
CaliGirl sucks.
I like CaliGirl. I do not like JimG. Fuck all of you sword swallowers!!!
Wow… o.k. why don’t I just ban myself. Such Hostility. I’ll leave you boys alone to drink Pabst Blue Ribbon in your caves and scratch yourself while you sit in front of your computer in your underwear w/ your archaic ideals and thought provoking comments like “go cook rice” and “Maybe it is that time of the month”. Pure brilliance.
Usually one must travel as far as a bowling alley to find someone of such class and stature as Symrna Jeff and his acronyms.
@CaliGirl You go girl. Pay no attention to these morons. They just can’t stand technical expertise, and apparently neither can the crews working for the ASP. You are welcome to come to dinner at my place anytime. We’ll talk production and I’ll cook the rice!
I was just trying to help out smyrna…..does anyone know Joel Tudor’s number, or if he will be fighting at the orlando arena anytime soon?? Smyrna said he was hoping he could get into a head scissors.
CaliGirl is Lewis. I swear I can just TELL man. I can FEEL it in the words.
Mark drinks Bud Ice. Not Pabst Blue Ribbon.
And we feel that girl commenters compare to guy commenters about as favorably as girl surfers compare to guy surfers. In other words they suck.
Hey CaliGirl. Want to get some attention on Post Surf? Do what Laura Blears did and pose naked for Playboy. That will for sure get Trausersnake and Peter Perfect excited.
@ CaliGirl @9:19 pm
I don’t know about banning yourself but I would pay good dough to watch you frig yourself.
@ Ballz @ 9:21 pm
Mark bowled a documented 292 once. His mom has the score sheet framed on the wall right next to his graduation picture.
@ CaliGirl @ 9:19
Quitter!
Those are some great shots. I thoroughly enjoyed them all. The last one struck me in the most interesting way. You have to look closely, but the image is clear.
It’s as if ‘The Collective’ captured the first known footage of an amoebic interpretation of Mark’s mother; as her upper lip snarls in animated anticipation of devouring the first of many sandwiches below.
Hey, it takes an innumerable amount of carbs to feed her minions of thigh dimples. Or, as Mark’s mother is known amongst the heathen in my household: Titleist Thighs®.
Yes, Titleist Thighs® is a registered trademark.
The interview between GT and Occy at J-Bay right now is more awkward than a Republican Senator unknowingly tapping toes with Brock Lesnar in a truckstop bathroom in Texas.
Occy looks completely annoyed.
Occy’s take on Joel looks as tight and anxious as Joel’s butthole must feel as he awaits his next win-or-go-home heat.
Not a good sign for the Joel camp.
Much like that the ever-hovering wet blanket named The 32nd seed. And we all know who that’s going to be.
STAY TUNED… NEXT CALL AT 12PM
The action hasn’t started yet i’m so much more excited than last week. J-Bay Lake vs. Imbatubaaaa? Once you go black we all know how it ends up
You promised to call me TODAY if I did that one thing! You are a LIAR! I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do we think visiting the game park every year is exciting? wow a lion wow a zebra
Great pics Mr. Gibson! No matter how many pics of ships i see, i’m still blown away by is raw teenage angst, soooo teen spirit is the ol ships. love it x
@ Fisher
What. Are. You. Saying?
CaliGirl sounds like a little dyke to me. She couldn’t handle Jordy or Kekoa for more than 2 or 3 minutes.
Lets talk about J-Bay itself. THE WAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is sooooooooooooooo beautifulllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just googled Brock Lesnar.
Gnar.
B.R….. what do you mean? my words were simple no? flat j-bay or shitballs brazil?
@ Fisher,
I think you must mean that surfing is truly the most unpredictable sport in the world (apologies to sailing, snowboarding, et. al.). And as such, droughts in places such as J-Bay and the Bakersfield of Surfing (aka: Brasil) should be expected.
In summation:
Your thesis was predicated on the premise that your wiener looks like a pretzel after perusing several pictures of perfectly groomed Pilipino transvestites.
Not that there’s anything inherently wrong with that.
Wow. If I am not mistaken the reconfigured draw really favors Joel. It is him and Adrianno and Bobby in the top half then Mick, Kelly, Taj and Jordy all in the bottom half and all trolling for scalps.
How about a Parko-Kelly final? How about a Parko-Mick final with Mick winning? How about a Jordy-Slater final with Jordy winning and rocketing into the top five along with Kelly? And they say the sand is perfect so it is ONNNNN!!!!!!!
@Mark,
Technically, it’s ONNNNNN HOOOLLLDDD!!!!!!
I have to go feed a hungry baby in Namibia.
Thank you CaliGirl! Didn’t want to bring it up myself, but now that it’s out there, yes K9 is trying to launch his own tour. It sounds totally vague, and like a potential power grab or revolution in the making. The problem is with only 16 guys, it’s not really a solution to the existing problems with the system, it’s just another distraction. Instead of trying to reinvent the wheel, K9 should be using his influence to fix what’s wrong within the system that exists already. ESPN and the X-Games haven’t revolutionized professional surfing either… let alone Insurfnews!
The best part of the whole thing is that Kelly and his managers want to take over the sport, and they’re proposing to BB, QS, RC et al. to pay to become sponsors of events that in the current system they already own. At least Rab tried to do something positive for all the surfers in the sport, not just develop a platform for The Champ and 15 of his best friends!
I understand the logic behind the direct elimination format. But, when I look at the draw for Round 1, I think the logic falls apart. The 3-man Round 1 with over-lapping heats from R2 to Quarters is the way to go…
@ Blashemy Rottmouth @12:51 am
Cory raved all about that left in namib but other people have said that they were bummed how the pro’s rolled into town and lied to the regulars.
And by “lied” I mean acted like there wouldn’t be a big surf mag cover story madness etc. etc.
BTW Evan….. the boys in Swapok say
thanks for the used car salesman schtick. They actually believed you.
Hey Dave Mailman! Good day!!!!
Give us a prediction all knowing one. Who will be the last man standing at J-Bay?
Myself I would say that if I had to wager the ENTIRE FARM, I mean EVERYTHING I OWN, i would for sure go with Mick Fanning.
GO MICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One more (I’d say ‘last’, but I know it won’t be) thing… To everyone who doesn’t know or still doesn’t understand, it is EACH INDIVIDUAL ORGANIZER’s responsibility to produce the webcast (because the brands prefer it that way), so if Brazil sucked, blame Hang Loose, didn’t like the Goldy, talk to Quiky, Bells was boring, hello Rip Curl, and Tahiti was a wash, call B-Bong!!! ASP doesn’t have anything to do with the webcasts! As Mike and many others will tell you, the ASP has plenty of other things to get wrong before it can concentrate on messing up the webcasts too!
Hey Mark!
Semi 1: Adriano vs. Joel / Semi 2: Mick vs. Kelly
Final: Joel vs. Mick, with Mick winning the final.
I have K9 and ADS anchoring my Fantasy Surfer team…
Bugs bailed at the right time. Tour’s goin down in flames.
K9’s tour sure to follow. Mark can get back to rollerblading.
Round 3, Heat 6 could be the most important heat of the event… Mick or Jordy will be out with a 9th at what should be one of their best events, and just as the Title race really kicks into gear.
Mick Fanning. The Sultan of Speed 2009.
Round 3 - Heat 7, will be almost as exciting as the Curren v. Occy, if K9 doesn’t go back to equal 17ths and TK doesn’t pull a “bonehead” move!
@ Schlurg
U R obviously of grade aaa barn material.
I tried ice skating once but kooked. Roller blading looked really cool but I was nervous about getting hurt. Ankles are crucial when surfing.
U see Shhuurrgg
I like to surf. That is why i comment on this site so much. I felt something in Lewis’s writing that was real and I, like so many others, live for those rare moments when things are REAL. Moments that could happen anywhere at any time. When, like Richbzzztch said recently, you ride your bike over the dunes with your friend and there it is. Surprise,Surprise, Surprise! Undocumented and unforeseen perfection. Li Dat.
did anyone actually check out the collective site? some of the pics are amazing. and for all you wankers out there if you go back one page of older posts there is a slideshow called Namotu Island that’ll give you hours of enjoyment while you wait for J-bay to start
Ban Schlurg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Most clueless kook of all time! Schlurg is a fucking KOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I HOPE THAT SOME SURFERS GO TO A GAME PARK WITH GT ON A LAY DAY. ILOVE ZEBRAS. THEY HAVE NICE STRIPES. NAUTRE IS FUUNY. I ONCE WANTED A ZEBRA BUT I DONT KNOW WHAT THEY EAT. THEY ARE PRETTY. NIOT LIKE JORDY WHO REMINDS ME OF SOME OF THE KIDS IN MYCLASS WHO CATCH SPECIAL BUS. HE HAS PEE PEE LIKE TURTLE HEAD. SOMETHIMES OUT SOMETHEMS IN.
@Mike
Just wanted to apologize for implying that Mark would have posted the following little lie instead of you…
“Dave Mailman called last night and confirmed that negotiations for a Seniors Tour found a blanket sponsor that is outside of the current industry. The new tour will allow competitors over 25 and will be based solely on TV distribution…. no beach presence. New format allows the surfing to build over a 4 day period with scores accumulating. Every surfer will scramble two hours of judged surfing a day with the winner announced after the 4 rounds. Thanks to Dave for the inside info, good on ya.”
Too bad it’s not true. The Masters contests rocked, and not just because Harry Hodge, Phil Jarratt, Jeff Hakman and I organized them! However, with the K9 Tour concept coming out, there’s lots of talk on how to revamp the ASP system, and some of your ideas for the “seniors” might just work for the Top 45 too! Thanks for your positive input, Mike, even if you tried to pass it off as mine! ;-)
LOOKS LIEK SURFING OFF. GOO TO GAME PARK GT. TAKE OCCY BUT NO DRINKY.
I WATCH LEE TOUR IN FRANCE NOW. MY MOTHER SAYS LANCE HAS ONE BALL BUT REALLY BIG. LIKE PARTY BALOON.
While we’re all waiting for the event to start (hopefully tomorrow), here are some stats from the man most addicted to pro surfing on the face of the earth:
Mike Newman rassports.com (in addition to the official ASP stats, and Dave Stanfield’s private collection of note cards on thousands of surfers, Mike is the man who provides a solid portion of the info used during the webcasts on the World Tour events)
Over the past 6 season 2003 -2008 (the two wave era) 7 different countries have competed for the trophy on offer at J-Bay in South Africa… 99 surfers have taken part in these 6 events and just 4 surfers have won it with Kelly winning 3, Mick, Taj and Andy winning 1 each.
Tim Boal in Heat 1 will be the 100th surfer to compete at the South African event in the Two Wave Era.
In the last 3 years, Fanning, Burrow and Slater have finished 1st, 2nd and 3rd.
Fanning 06 -1st .. 07 - 3rd .. 08 - 2nd
Burrow 06 - 2nd .. 07 - 1st .. 08 - 3rd
Slater 06 -3rd .. 07 - 2nd .. 08 - 1st
WHEN TEH MAILMAIN COMES TO MY PLACE, MUM LETS HIM DELIVER MAIL INSIDE HER HOUSE. SHE GETS BAD MAIL BECAUS SHE SOUNDS LIEK SHE SCREAMS WHEN SHE GETS IT OPEN.
I JUST PAINTD MY DOG WITH SPOTS LIKE A ZEBRA. MUMMY ANGRY. I STILLWANT A ZEBRA.
Stats from RAS stats ASP Top 10 lists for ‘09 after Brazil:
Parko: 84.21% win ratio, 15.10 average heat score, 19 heats surfed.
Adriano: 70.59% win ratio, 13.69 ave. score, 17 heats.
Taj: 73.33% win ratio, 13.90 ave. score, 15 heats.
Mick: 71.43% wins, 14.47 ave., 14 heats.
Kelly: 63.64% wins, 14.02 ave., 11 heats.
Bobby has 4th highest win ratio at 66.67%, but is not in the Top 10 average heat scores.
Dane is 4th on the list of highest average heat scores with a 14.02 point average for only 8 heats surfed this season.
B.R - If you don’t like pretz, take mine outa your mouth. You know all that alliteration is lost on everyone here. Such a poor device :(
alliteration ooooo look at me, i use big words just like my pappy rootface
Fisher,
You’re such a fuckwit. Stop commenting and leave it to the pro’s. Nobody wants you here, you’re not welcome. FUCK OFF
Fisher fucks fish sticks.
Yawn………………………………………..
I could beat Mike in pro surfing knowledge and enthusiasm with half of Adrianno De Souza tied behind my back.
Hey wheres CaliGirl today?
That’s not you Mark, you don’t sound depressed, bro.
Occy’s Mum, your son really likes kids, doesn’t he? He’s a bit of a Peter Pan, isn’t he?
Thanks for the stats, Dave M, they would come in handy in the booth.
Let’s hope the waves are so good Billabong can’t screw this up.
Allowing clothing companies to dictate a “sport” is the basic failure. Rabbit would have needed vision to create an orgainzation of soveirignity. I’ve clowned the guy enough, and most of it was for fun. But his failure as all his predecessors was that he didn’t create a brand out of the ASP, he allowed shallow corporate interests to suffocate any continuity.
The tour will only be as strong as it’s advertisers, completely failing the viewers in the process.
The waves in California suck.
Mike, now we’re back on the same page. Other than that, flat (so tiny they called off the women’s longboard comp in Biarritz), sunny and plenty of scantily clad (naked in some cases) frolicking on the beach here in the southwest of France!
The waves in Cali totally suck- but guess it is good, large amounts of seafood off the Farrallones:
not sure I want to be in the food chain right now anyways-
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