There will be Power Rankings. Why? I don't know.
Joel Parkinson will be the 2009 World Champion. Why? We do know.
Meanwhile, a 30 minute lull in South Africa, which happened to coincide with Kelly Slater's heat, may have put a bullet through the brain of the ASP. Plenty of irony on tap, as the Billabong Pro managed to prove the validity of the current world tour just as it may have definitively snuffed out its future.
Kelly needs to win. The last 20 years of competitive surfing have proved very few things. This is one of them. Kelly needs to win, and the ocean isn't letting him. And now he might just burn the building down as he walks out the door.
Competitive surfing is a false construct built on the backs of false idols - sad drunks turned into dancing bears by the powers that be. Competitive surfing is another vain attempt to instill order where there is none. The ASP are the French, trying to build the Panama Canal. Will Kelly be America?
I write this from a fluorescent cell in the labyrinth of Corporate America. I don't need to write any of this anymore. It means nothing. But I write anyway. I don't know the men I write about about, and they don't know me. But we trudge onwards, through white screens of digital snow, searching for things worth caring about, searching for stories worth telling.