Peel back the orange curtain separating the surf industry from most of the surfers in the world, and you'll find a small group of white men wielding an enormous amount of influence over the general surf culture.
Why? Fear. Some surfers are scared of sharks, some are scared of big waves, but nearly all surfers are absolutely TERRIFIED of being uncool. So they look to the magazines and brands to help keep them informed as to what is cool and what is not.
I know that most of the editors of the major media players read this site (God knows why). With that in mind, I am challenging these influential individuals to use their powers for good instead of evil:
Stop promoting destructive, dangerous surfing trends by glorifying them with coverage.
For example - stop glorifying SUPing crowded big waves.
Both Surfing and Surfer ran photos of SUPers sweeping Wedge during the 50-year-storm.
In fact, Surfermag led off their south-swell media orgy with the image above.
While Surfing ran this one, with a bit of a caveat in the caption:
A few days later, Surfermag put up this photo of the same Sea Sweeper, about to bail his board, sideways no less, into a group of bodyboaders. This shot hints at the wider implications of SUPs at spots like Wedge - it's fuckin' dangerous.
Eventually, someone will be killed by an errant 12' Chinese Pop-Out. What if it's not a bodyboarder?
So my simple plea to the surf media: don't encourage these certified custard pudding bastards by giving them coverage. Instead, heckle them mercilessly for being uncool. That's what I'm doing.
Yes, some SUP enthusiasts mistake my campaign of SUP-bashing as the needless spewing of vitriolic hate.
Wrong, bitch! Discouraging SUPing of crowded lineups is a public service. I'm doing God's work here, saving the lives of innocent children who would otherwise be crushed to death by aforementioned errant Chinese Pop-Outs.
Help me keep our lineups safe by spreading the hate.
Numero Uno bitches, and I second the motion. SUPs belong in inland lakes.
Noooooooooooooooo!
Luv it Lew ! Keep ‘em comin’.
Please give respect where it is due, the Cobra factory is located in Thailand, not China. Man oh man, do I love Thai food. Chinese food, not so much. Too greasy.
Here fucking here my good man. It’s time we all pick up the torch.
Word. Kooky SUP’r at the Kook Jetty, getting rides but let me tell ya the surfing looked ugly. the guy was way out on the shoulder straight lining a skatepark of a wave. Saw a guy drop in behind and whack the lip half a dozen times while the stinkbuggedwideyed janitor was merely looking for safe passage for he and his broom. Wish I had a camera for that. Is there a time and place for SUP? Yes. Is it when waves are head high plus and steep. NO.
And while we are on the subject of spreading hate. Make an effort to kindly remind the funboard and retro quad crowd that if they can’t hold on to their board, get the fuck out of water and go surf a spot where you can hold on. Time to start waxing windows and letting air out of tires again. Seriously, even if the hot wife is in the car. Think Oxnard, Moss Landing in the 70’s and 80’s. TAKE BACK SURFING!
Good point Lew-dog. It’s easy to laugh at the SUP clown ditching sideways in front of boogie boarders. But what if they were surfers?
I would suggest that any SUP goon whose board impales a surfer should be prosectued for, at the very least, voluntary manslaughter. It is an extreme and reckless disregard for the rights of others, not simply an act of negligent homicide. In fact, it borders on murder. When you take a goddamn kayak paddle and a 12 foot popout into thundering surf, you know that you will eventually lose it. You know that it will be traveling at great speeds towards unweary surfers. You know that it will split skulls. Knowledge will suffice in lieu of intent for murder.
I am forwarding a memo to all DA’s along the coast in California. Good way to make a name for yourself as a prosecutor, and absafuckinglotutely necessary. I may ask for signatures.
If you’re gonna sweep one of those things in big surf, you ought to have to attach a steel chain from your neck to the board. Make yourself the one who pays for ditching.
The “real story” was on TransworldSURF.com
Lewis, please reference the site when complimenting us.
“The wedge is dangerous”—really? No shit. watching those suPPers was funny.
I’m going to step in and disagree here. Just last summer I was in Amsterdam patrolling the dykes on my SUP. The SUP afforded me the luxury of being able to drink Heinekens while I “surf.” Besides…trolling those dykes on an SUP give me a birds-eye view of the hash bars and whorehouses. If only that paddle could speak. The stories he could tell.
Let’s burn the fuckers! Burn, I tell you!
If by “real story” you mean Lewis’s dog’s shit, then you’re correct. The “real story” was on Transworld.
Which reminds me, Lewis, when are we going to be treated to more of your dog’s shit?
How bad is your magazine when you consider dog shit a compliment?
that was the most feeble burn attempt ever Ballz
take you upper and lower lip of Lewis’ cock for two seconds, take a breath, readjust the barbell pierced through your tongue, then go back down and keep sucking.
US Coast Guard considers SUPs & paddleboards vessels
Saturday, 04 October 2008 10:07
The US Coast Guard has regulated that stand up paddle surfing boards are in fact vessels and therefore SUPers will be subject to be its laws (i.e. have to wear lifejackets and maybe licensed). This illustrates the need of the US stand up paddle community to get a national organisation together to work with Coast Guard, rather than just be subject to its edicts.
Here is the press release :
All applicalbe laws and regulations will apply to the use of a ’stand up paddleboard & paddleboard’ that pertain to vessels under the U.S.C.G, such as wearing the appropriate USCG approved type of lifejacket persuant to the waterway being operated under, and not limited to other regulations. The Chief of Boating Safety for the U.S.C.G. has officially recognized a paddleboard as a vessel.
These laws will apply to enforcement of the boating safety regulations for paddleboard specific use. The USCG considers a “paddleboard” to be a vessel upon research and the criteria used and guidance provided in previous legal opinions regarding whether or not it is specified as a vessel under 1 U.S.C.&3.
Based upon the information available, the USCG determined when beyond the narrow limits of swimming, surfing or bathing area, the device known as a “paddleboard” is a vessel under 46 U.S.C.&2101, and therefore subject to applicable regulations administered by the US Coast Guard and its Office of Auxiliary and Boating Safety, unless specifically exempted.
PARAMETERS FOR DETERMINING WHETHER A ‘PADDLEBOARD” IS A VESSEL
(1) Whether the watercraft is “practically capable” of carrying persons or property beyond the narrow limits of a swimming, surfing or bathing area:
A paddleboard is “practically capable’ of and intended to be used as a watersport activity beyond the narrow limits of a swimming, surfing, or bathing area. It combines traits of surfing and canoeing. In Paddleboarding, a person stands on a large board which is stable enough to support a person while they paddle the device using a paddle in a manner similar to operating a canoe.
Paddleboard manufacturers depict this activity as multi-use, ranging from use as a ‘paddling’ activity on inland waterways to a form of ’surfing’ in the ocean. For novice and the less thrill-seeking, using the craft to simply enjoy time on the water is becoming more popular.
(2) Whether the useful operating range of the device is limited by the physical endurance of its operator:
The operator of a paddleboard manually propels the craft through the use of a paddle. To a large extend the operating range is limited to the physical endurance of the operator, although because of its stability, the paddleboard could easily drift with the wind and water current. This potential physical endurance limitation is similar to that impacting sailboarding, canoeing, kayaking and other boating activities requiring high levels of physical capability.
(3) Whether the device presents a substantial hazard to navigation or safety not already present:
Paddleboard maneuvered across a waterway to locations where other larger and faster craft travel present a substantial hazard to navigation or safety not already present. Paddleboards are not as powerful or maneuverable as larger craft and they are not as visible. The paddleboard user faces a similar hazard as other users of sailboards and canoeists/kayakers.
There are paddleboarding competitions in coastal areas and organized paddleboard excursions on inland waterways. Paddleboard ‘trails’ have also been established, including one on the Deschutes River in Oregon that is 60 miles long.
(4) Whether the normal objectives sought to be accomplished by the regulation of a device as a ‘vessel’ are present:
As a potential hazard to navigation or safety, regulation of paddleboards as vessels would meet the normal objectives sought to be accomplished by the National Recreational Boating Safety Program.
(5) Whether the operator and/or cargo would no longer be safe in the water if the device became disabled.
Paddleboards would provide a minimal level of safety to operators if they became disabled. Thus, the operator may no longer be safe in the water if the operator of the device became fatigued or disabled, or if the device itself became disabled.
Conclusion.
1 U.S.C.&3 states that “The word ‘vessel’ includes every description of watercraft or other artificial contrivance used, or capable of being used, as a means of transportation on water.” Given the answers to the questions above and the definition of the word “Vessel” in the US Code, when utilized beyond the narrow limits of a swimming, surfing, or bathing area, a paddleboard is a vessel subject to regulations administered by the U.S. Coast Guard.
SUPs are the key-tar of the surfing world. You know, the guy that jumps in front of the camera in the music video, keyboard slung over his shoulder, trying to rock out with the rest of the band? I wouldn’t think in any regard they’d ever be considered cool, unless the indie kids decide to get all ironic with their dirt-stashes and acid wash jeans, and take it up at Blackies, Doheney, and Four Doors.
LOL…
Had one cut me off on an 8ft wave last swell and thought i was gonnah the martyr poster boy for an uprising.
Damn Ballz, it’s unfucking believable dude… Lap, lap.
A dog shit on your magazine, Chris Cote. That’s funny. Embrace the dog shit Chris Cote. Embrace it.
So a SUP board is a vessel. What is the significance? Are there restrictions as to how close they can come to surfers/swimmers?
Broism “BallZburned”
“When Lewis’ dog shit on the Transworld Gear Guide my ballzburned. I had to dip my ballz in a vat of Cool Whip before I let Sal Masekela lick it off.
Lewis says that surfers are more terrified of being “uncool” than anything else.
Is reading and commenting on Post Surf “cool”? If so then why don’t people use their real names like me so everyone will know that they are cool?
I’m just sayin.
P.S. On the last big swell we had in our area an SUP dude was catching all of the best set waves at Smyrna and then, right when we all were screaming at him, would paddle across the inlet to Ponce and terrorize those guys until they couldn’t take it anymore and then he would paddle back.
Gorkin was so fucking pissed!
Lew-dog?? For real? LS told me that he regards you as an incredible ass knuckle.
Ahha! It is beyond dispute that Chris Cote is the bastard child of Ray Charles.
ray-dog and c-dog, you may be correct. i may be an ass knuckle. but at least i’m not chris cote.
By the way, did you see that dog shit on your magazine? Hillarious.
That makes us brothers Cote!
Look, chris cote aka raychild, I said some things, you said some things… The important thing is we both agree SUPing is stupid and Lewis’s dog shit on your magazine.
We’re back to the heirarchy of humor. The lowest form, as I indicated before, is pie in the face. Next is clowns. I believe dog shit placed upon an object of scorn follows.
As I also indicated, the 2 lower forms can be elevated when coupled with a higher form of humor–to wit, sarcasm. Thus, a clown throwing a pie at another clown sarcastically raises the comedic value.
That’s why I have to keep Lewis’s dog shit on TW rather low on the scale. If his dog had sarcastically shat upon it, I would deem it truly funny. But he was apparently absolutely sincere, and in fact stoically determined, in depositing his load upon the magazine.
SUPing is lame, but only because of the sheep flocking to it. It cetainly has it’s applications in flat water, rivers, lakes, waste water treament facilities. When a barney is putting lives at risk at a place like Wedge, when it’s macking like that… Know your limits sheep, logs are for mush burgers.
Hmmm…..I would think that there has to be some rules/law regarding how close a vessel can get to the shore. However I am not sure. Maybe Lewis can take a little time (or someone else, I’m on a gig I have no time right now but we wrap next Friday) and do some research on it, call the local coastguard and ask them. Is everyone just bitching about it on blogs and in mags or is anyone being proactive about getting some regulations in place? With the amount of coastline that is in the U.S.A I’m sure there has to be others that are pissed about the whole SUP thing, start a anti supping blog the is proactively trying to get it regulated. Who determines where the flags for surfing and swimming go? Maybe Sup flags can be implemented.
There is also the harassment that can take place as crusty native said. Most people do not want to spend there time in the water being heckled and returning to waxed windows.
I find complaining about something and not doing anything about it, is like that fat chick that complains she is fat as she sips down another 600 calorie Margarita and macks down the nachos.
BTW I enjoyed the Hurley US Open very much. 12 HD cameras, an awesome T.D, kudos to the whole crew. I appreciate all the hard work that Hurley did to bring us such a great Live Webcast. Absolutely the best Webcast I’ve scene thus far.
that was seen…not scene…working right now and everything is about the “scene” we’re shooting…sorry.
Does the “scene” involve you, some pies, a clowns and 2 midgets?
If I’m naked it sounds like last Saturday night. J/K
chris cote-
your crappy mundo rad magazine sucks balls, by far the worst surf magazine,
your humor is only funny to 12 year olds,
maybe you can get a job for joel patterson at surfer?
checkwood needs some glasses, the last 4 covers were horrible
@ CaliGirl
Are you on location at a hoetel in the San Fernando Valley? Is Ron Jeremy within 50 feet of you at this moment? What are your measurements?
Come on CaliGirl! Dish!!
reading Caligirl’s posts make me want to puke up pie
SmyrnaJess, you’re in luck! CaliGirl is in fact a 350 dude with back hair sitting in his trailer drinking moonshine and scratching his ballz. I believe his measurements are 4 1/2 inches and fat.
@Ass Clown
Since I constantly strive to improve my own comedic stance, I am trying to analyze and understand the information you have provided (and I would certainly consider advice from a guy named ass clown extremely valuable).
So if, hypothetically, I cupped my hand, shat in it, and subsequently threw it at Surfing Terrorist out of sarcasm, it would raise the comedic value to a higher level than if I did the same solely because I think surfing terrorist is a cumdumpster and a total asshat. I kind of understand.
But seeing surfing terrorist’s expression of suprise and bewilderment through the la luchador mask of airborne fecal matter would somehow be quite funny, regardless of the intent. That is where my disconnect lies. Please advise. thx.
Lewis, please stop suggesting you’re doing MY work. While I approve of the message here, it must be made clear I have bigger fish to fry. I just realized that 15,000,000 babies are aborted in China each year, so I’m off to stir up one hell of an earthquake.
Good question T-dog. The disconnect lies in the flawed premises that shitting in your hand and throwing it at an object or person of scorn is scaled low in the heirarchy. Absolutely incorrect. Even the clever master of the subtle innuendo regards throwing feces as top-shelf humor. You are correct that the bewildered look on the victim’s face renders the intent, or mens rea, question quite irrelevant. In fact, I would place an accidental shitting upon another high on the scale.
@God
There is a God !
@ Ass Clown and Trauzerworm:
This is a surf blog, you may find this more interesting, I probably very funny too -funny haha and funny queer. Now get the fuck out of here.
As I understand it, here in sunny Florida, vessels are required to maintain a distance of at least 300 feet from bathers/surfers. Rather than mount these vessels as BVB suggested, I will now focus my efforts on incurring bodily harm from their negligence, which ideally will result in a large settlement. However, without forcing them to register their vessels, it may be difficult to identify the culprit and hit them with a law suit. In any case, I feel this represents a significant money making opportunity for those of us interested in ‘keeping the glide going’ in today’s floundering economy, while simultaneously supporting activism against those janitors who not only threaten our favorite pastime, but our very lives themselves.
Unfortunately, there appears to be money to be made by creating a new market of big ticket toys. Just add a grinning waterman saying ‘aloha’ during an ad shoot as he runs us over, and the zombie hordes won’t be far behind:
Crusty Native has it right; show respect or get waxed, vibed, shoved, or browbeaten. SUP and get abused. Right now surfing is exploding, most people that know I surf have asked me time and again to teach them. Everyone wants in. They think they are just going to wake up from their hangover, go out at noon on saturday, and be carving up and down waves and scoring chicks on the beach. Sorry dude it doesnt work that way. Go back to badminton.
By my count, nobody runs more SUP stories than this site right here (with the possible exception of SUP World Magazine — oh wait, they only made one issue, nevermind). Sure, it’s all in the holy name of bashing them, but that’s pretty much the MO here, right? Bash everything. My suspicion is that in the world where sweepers paddle in at Teahupo’o and Wedge, any publicity is good publicity.
And PS, the surf eds read this site cause it’s their job to read everything; they even watch the chilly bro-downs on insurfnews or look at some of the pictures in transworld. And because we like you, Lewis — your feverish torrents of righteous angst are highly entertaining. They run their SUP stories for the same reason you do: to stir the pot.
This week’s Comment of the Week goes to . . . (drum roll) . . . none other than Mr. Lewis Samuels himself, with the following morsel:
“Eventually, someone will be killed by an errant 12′ Chinese Pop-Out. What if it’s not a bodyboarder?”
@ PacNW
Lopez stroked out to Ala Mo 3 days ago and started bonding with Ben Aipa and talking pidgin with all the boys and, sure enough, within 20 minutes fucking HACKED a guy on his SUP. And the guy was a local.
I realize Mr Lopez is a “legend” etc. etc. but who really cares if, at the core of his being, he is just another hypocritical hack artist greedily burning everyday workingman surfers on his fucking 30 inch wide 5 inch thick “vessal”.
Go back to Bend ya barney.
If Chris Cote’s going for the Homer Simpson look, he’s doing a great job of pulling it. Even if TW was the first to cover it - who gives a fucking shit? Your mag still blows ass Cote. Latest TW story: “Another pro surfer goes to the Mentawais” zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Lewis, why are not covering Slater’s new Dream Tour? This fucking site even has a full story on it:
When played by pros a shuttlecock travels at 200 mph while it may not kill you it will certainly put out an eye keep KOOKS of the badminten court!
p.s. to clear the lineup of S.U.P.s I would attend sunday mass with Mark and fam.
extreme scene is so rad
@toilet paper
I wipe my ass and dispense my pearly by-product of self pleasure on you, and impart you to get the fuck out of here as I flush you…fuck you.
How insecure of a fat fuck is Cote that he responds to internet criticism what, 20 minutes later? Classic.
Lewis. I am on it. The rest of you should quit talking so much rot and safe surfing for the sake of surfing. What a travesty all of this is.
SAVE SURFING! And safe surfing…
Trouzerdork: Get a life - get off the blog.
Save surfing. Ship Bad Vibe Bob back to New Smyrna where his surfing ability and tiny testicles are better suited for the local conditions.
P.S. Fort Point is a burger. Hopefully there will come a day when BVB decides to jump from the bridge instead of surfing underneath it.
very insecure, very.
Trust me, Mr. Cote knows more about this new tour than he’s letting on. He knows very little of anything else, however.
@ Trouserpin
U still here? Didn’t you hear? Get the fuck out.
@ Someone who cares about the Sport
We don’t want some fag from San Francisco here in Smyrna. If Bad Vibe Bob shows up here he will become Barbequed, Butt Fucked,Belittled,Berated,Bent Over Bad Vibe Bob.
I put SUPing right up there with global warming and diabeetus as one of the greatest threats to civilization. Hyperbole?
Let me ask you, did the Jews blink when Joseph Stalin assassinated Nikita Khrushchev and started plastering swastikas all over Eastern Germany and espousing his National Socialist German Worker’s Party? No. Before they knew it, they were surrounded by the brutal war machine that historians now refer to as The Bushido.
I say, we as surfers must stand up to the SUP Wermacht before they’ve infiltrated our very homes, raped our wives, and plundered our booty. I say we take this battle to their turf. And by ‘turf,’ I mean ocean. And by ‘battle,’ I mean slap fight. And when I say ‘I,’ I mean you bastards.
Me? I’m dodging this muthurfuckin’ draft by packing my bicycle and heading to surf the death pits in Norway.
Good luck men.
You’re going to need it.
Oh yeah and De__ma__s is WAY over rated. And besides who wants to sit in a 10 foot square take off zone with half of the entire homosexual population of the gayest city in America.
@ SmyrnaJeff
You seem to know the place pretty well, speaking from experience perhaps?
SmyrnaJeff - you spelled that wrong - it’s DeadMans
You’re welcome
Lopez is the man but what is he thinking? That Patagonia slide show, posted above, is classic! Just about every shot shows Gerry on the outside nabbing set waves from the other surfers. Look familiar? C’mon Gerry…
I just spit moonshine all over my laptop after reading, “If Bad Vibe Bob shows up here he will become Barbequed, Butt Fucked,Belittled,Berated,Bent Over Bad Vibe Bob.” I reckon that’s true.
@ Someone who cares (12:16p)
Not sure if you didn’t catch my gist, or are just consciously preaching to the choir.
@ Blastoff into Rottenpussy
Global warming, as the liberal left wing fruitcake nutjobs portray it, is a joke. Yeah lets pass Cap and Trade so Al Gore can become the wealthiest man in the world, G.E. can become the wealthiest corporation in the world and America itself can plunge into the second Great Depression while China and India laugh and light their cigars with $1,000 bills as they become the standard bearers for thriving economies.
All of you fucking dumb ass liberal sheep on Post Surf need to be rounded up and shipped off to France where you can wait in line for 6 hours with Mailman to get your fucking temperature taken and, at the age of 65, get told that you don’t “qualify” to get the care you need.
P.S. Joe Biden couldn’t hold Sarah Palins jock strap.
these guys are such donkeys! some maggot newport lifeguard dorks who are obviously clueless as fuck….save surfing with safe surfing….ban SUP’ers in the lineups!
@ Shreddy Roosevelt
You just think Lopez is the man because the media has force fed that image to you ever since you first climbed on a boogie board and strapped on a pair of churchhills and rocked on out to south end Zuma on a one foot day. Lopez BURNS someone at least 5 or 6 times every time he surfs. He uses his celebrity status to fucking HACK any and everyone he can.
Ban Lopez!!!!
Lopez is a great guy, met him on a trip once. He does seems a bit misguided these days with this SUP shit. The novelty effect wore off a long time ago Gerry, it did the second Laird Hamilton set foot on an SUP. Who’s next, Curren? If those aren’t signs of impending Armageddon, I don’t know what is. How bout coming to your freaking senses and riding this instead:
Any wave, anywhere, anytime. Infants.
@ BVB
New Fucking Smyrna Beach at dawn!
Homo.
I like custard pudding. I think it is a tasty treat. I like all pudding really, particularly rice pudding. What if instead of the insult being “custard pudding bastards” it was “sugar free orange jello bastards?” I think that is a better insult.
Spreading hate? I feel I will be a natural for this calling. However, here in pleasurable Macronesia I’ve never seen an SUP, if I did they would go the same way as pop-outs, fun boards, minimals, crew with cameras, snakes, drop-in artists, spongers who’ve reached puberty, longboarders, groups (more than 2) of tourists and people who paddle against me for a set wave. I will tell them to go in. If they don’t, I will hit them harder than they have ever been hit, no second warning, ever. If they fight back, we’ll see how it goes but at least they’ll have earnt my respect. I do though have a friend who rides a longboard, he has cerebral palsy and one arm is well it’s not so good. If an SUPper turned up who was all spastic, that would be cool, I wouldn’t have a problem with them being around, we’d all be stoked and he could surf with us no worries, though obviously he couldn’t have any set waves, what are we a fucking charity or something.
Shitpaper=suckling pig
@ SmyrnaJeff
God invented surfless, backwards places like New Smyrna beach for fuckwits like you. No wonder they drive their suv’s on the beach there, that’s how close you have to be to check the 1-foot slop. Now do everyone a favor and stay there you moron.
There are a lot of similarities with SUP’ing and surfing. They were both started by Natives. While surfing got its roots from Polynesia and arguably Peru, SUP’ing found its way through Native American indians. At that time they called it a canoe. But since the skill and effort it took to build that canoe, the Indians wouldn’t dare risk their craft in dangerous shore break. Instead they endeavored to utilize the canoe for what it was meant for. For example, paddling, fishing, transporting their fucking women, whatever…but definitely not surfing.
SUP’s are a plague and it is only done by asshats who are trying to make money off it, or those to lazy to manage themselves in a line-up.
HEY, lets all see who can surf a wave with the biggest platform out there! Progression of the sport has consistently made boards smaller. If you want to stand up and paddle…BUY YOURSELF A FUCKING CANOE!
@ Gatorhator
a) learn how to spell
b) do your research. New Smyrna is one of the top ten surf towns in America according to Surfer Mag
c) you suck
@ Refreshed
I don’t believe you live in Macronesia and I don’t believe you surf well and I don’t believe you have ever beat anyone up in your entire pathetic life.
Have fun surfing Vah Beach today.
hmmmm. I’m conflicted. Having surfed with Lopez on many occasions I can say that he does catch a lot of waves. However, if you can surf he does respect you and won’t snake. After a pretty horrific over the falls incident at a remote reef he was the first guy paddling to my tombstoned board when I finally surfaced. And he made sure I was OK, too boot. This SUP thing he’s doing is not in my backyard and he’s a 3.5 - 4 hour drive to his local beach. So I’d give the living legend some leeway. After all with a SUP your not really going to get skunked unless it’s blown out. I hear it’s hard to sweep the ocean clean when the wind is blowing all the debris around.
To all the BVB haters, face it, that man can surf well.
Matuna’s soy wax makes nice bumps on BMW, Audi and Volvo windhshields btw.
Jeebus. Mark’s a busy little beaver today.
@ Smyrnajeff
Great, take Surfer’s advice, and stay there. It obviously rocks.
B.R. is Lewis. Is that comment long enough asshole?
“SmyrnaJeff says:
July 30, 2009 at 1:29 pm
@ Blastoff into Rottenpussy
Global warming, as the liberal left wing fruitcake nutjobs portray it, is a joke.”
Yet another example of why right-wing kooks are ignorant fools. A fucking astronaut is seeing WITH HIS OWN EYES evidence of global warming.
Of course, to a jeebus-worshipping dipshit like yourself, all that matters is that your neighborhood in suburbia is kept clean of minorities and that you pay next to nothing for taxes. Dumb, greedy fuck.
Keep showing support for Sarah Falin, suits you right-wing kooks real well.
@ CrustyNative
If Jeffrey Dahmer paddled over to see if you sere o.k. after a wipeout would that make up for all of the humans he grinded?
@ Blashemy Rottmout @ 2:10 pm
I got your beaver SWINGIN asshole!!!
@SmyrnaJeff
Have you ever personally met Mr. Lopez? In my past life he and I did business together. He’s a fair guy. So take that and your redneck homophobic archaic mindset and go fuck yourself.
SAVAGE LAGUNA KIDS AKA FUDGIES…lhere is the real sory behind these donkeys.
@ Crusty native
My friend Mark has surfed with him a bunch including last week at Bowls. Mark told me that Lopez hacked him twice on a big day at Pipeline in 84′ after Mark had respectfully waited his turn for 2 hours while Lopez was pigging out on every wave he could catch. Then Lopez hacked Mark on a perfect 8 footer at Middles Hookipa in 93′ and rode in front of him for 100 yards. He has also burned Mark in California. And Mark is a good surfer who isn’t greedy and waits his turn and charges fairly hard when it is big.
If you got your info from actually spending years surfing the Hawaiian Islands and Indonesia instead of jacking off to Surfers Journal articles and Randy Rarick stroke job write-ups in the latest Surfer “Big Issue” then you would know the truth Mr native.
@SmyrnaJeff
You and Mark both get the fuck out of the water you conservative kooks. You shit in the water and claim the shit is good for economic development. And yes Al gore is a kook too, he can get his fat ass out of the water too.
@SmyrnaJeff - While cap and trade has been cannibalized and turned into something it’s not supposed to be, that doesn’t mean global warming isn’t real. Let us not forget, except in a few exceptions, Floridians are still hillbillies from the south. Right up there with the folks in the OC, who are slightly more refined right-wing doorknobs. Who do you think it was, but Free Trade at all cost idiots, to blame for so much of our business going overseas? I think, folks, we have identified an SUP-er amongst our ranks. Smyrna, you’re out!!!
@ Bad Vibe SmyrnaJeff
Take it easy killah. I never said Lopez was a horrible person. Just that he was kind of grabby in the water.
I apologize for my friends rants today on your website Lewis. He is stressing over some personal stuff that I can’t get into. I promise that you won’t hear from either of us again.
P.S. You are doing a great job with Post Surf and the commentators, especially Blashemy Rottmouth, are really funny. Aloha.
“Help me keep our lineups safe by spreading the hate.”
Spoken like any one of history’s great genocide-mad facist leaders (Dubya included).
Very, very entertaining, LS. Props.
@SmyrnaJeff
I lived in Hawaii BASSHOLE. I’ve forgotten more good waves than you’ll ever surf. Aren’t you running late for the chicken fried steak early bird special at Cracker Barrel?
Hats off to Postsurf for taking a stand (no pun intended) on this SUP virus.
Proof that lifeguards are brain dead yes men is the fact they let these poofter’s stay in the water at the Wedge (and other breaks as well) endangering everyone around them. ‘Well, it’s not in the regulations as prohibited and we don’t have the common sense to keep them out of surfing and swimming areas.’Fuck, where’s your brain!
It’s insanity. But, a couple of lawsuits ought to take care of the problem. Unfortunately, some people are going to get badly injured for that to happen. Sad.
And Chris Cote. Seriously. You’re a wanker. No matter what your fellow cock sucking mates tell you. If brains were dynamite you’d be lucky to blow your hat off. Just die a slow death asap.
@ Crusty Native
I heard SmyrnaJeff prefers Waffle House over Cracker Barrel.
And you sound very insecure and I suspect that if you did live in Hawaii you were a Chuns specialist in winter and a Pop’s-Diamond Head guy in summer. But thats just me.
Hmmmmm.
SUP is PUS backwards.
you know, there’s a reason people don’t bring rhinoceros’es on to football fields. somebody could get hurt.
at crowded breaks like the Wedge, why not make it a misdemeanor parking ticket for SUP’ing, & let the lifeguards hand out the tickets.
on a watercraft the size of a SUP, the 4 miles of beach from Swami’s up to Beacon’s & Grandview offers so many breaks for bodysurfers &, if necessary, SUP’ers, it’s not like there’s no place to SUP.
why not invite all the SUP’s to a SUP world championship at 15′ Pipeline or Teahupoo. that might reduce their numbers a bit. i mean, nothing against SUP’ers or anything.
also note that the problem is not SUP’ers, but IDIOT SUP’ers. there’s a difference.
Sounds like ReB is an SUPer! Get him!!!
@ TTMYH
Too funny. internet forum jocks wielding .99 cent store psychology degrees make me go Hmmmmmmmm.
Idiot SUP’ers is redundant
SUP is UPS backwards and then kind of shuffled a bit.
It’s feels good to be #102 today. Peace. And all hell to SUPing bitches.
@ Crusty Native
You haven’t been on this site very long have you? Do you know who is who? Maybe you should get one of those guides from Lewis like they have at baseball games. All of the regulars are getting a big kick out of how hard you are getting worked by Mark.
Maybe you should head back to transworlds comments section and then, once you have proven yourself, perhaps Lewis will call you up to the big leagues. But I doubt it.
Smyrna Jeff got it right with the Lopez statement. Stay far away from your idols as not to destroy the illusion. Lopez on a SUP at La Roca with Patagonia water photog in tow burning all comers and doing it with that Cheshire Cat smile.
You all seem so anger on this blog. May I recommend a little light reading to you. Saltwater Buddha, a surfer’s quest to find Zen on the sea by Jaimal Yogis.
@Zen
FUCK YOU!
Thanks Lewis. You are the only voice of the revolution for our sport.
Surfer mag is supposed to represent our sport but they have their heads so far up the oarboard industry’s ass its not even funny.
This is war. They are trying to take over our lineups and desperate times call for frontier justice. In Malibu, one of the locals at a certain cove absolutely beat the shit out of an sweeper last week because he wouldn’t prcatice safety or etiquette. We are all united in spreading ill will because these douchebags on doors can’t get the message. I love surfing too much to be passive about what’s happening along the coast. Crush the peeping toms. They are alien freaks standing with sticks ready to run over your children and women folk.
Keep up the rants Lewis. Oarons must be sent home to planet Laird.
@Regulator
Getting worked? Prove myself? To whom? A invisible fake Regulator and his blocals (blog + local - g) bro’s and brah’s? Whoa. HEAVY BRAH.
Thank you Zen. But, for my light reading I prefer Penthouse Forum. Although, somehow I always end up sweaty and exhausted afterwards.
Kind of like the first evening I shared with Mark’s mother as we set sail on the Santa Maria towards the New World.
i’d love to see the sequence of the sideways bail, a big blue 12′ boggie death plow, but i’m sure that the photographer didn’t want to waste his energy on that bullshit.
what a bunch of assholes those guys are. i can’t believe they swept the wedge. leave it to the spongers and CF.
@BR
Mark’s mother gets around. My first time with her was in the North Atlantic. It was crisp, clear night. She was felling a little frisky but was cold. Thinking quickly, I wrapped her Elastomax-like labia around the ships enormous smoke stack, causing the engine to malfunction. Two hours later the ship sank. Out of embarrassment, the crew blamed the unfortunate event on an iceberg. The Titanic was quite the ship she was.
long time reader first time poster. hi all you guys seem cool. i hate SUP’ers, they infest the poles.
@ Broism,
Lmao! Darnit, I knew I wasn’t the only one.
And where has PeterPerfect been? Did he choke on a vowel and die?
@ Blasphemy Rottmouth
It’s more likely that he choked on glottal stop.
Vowels go down easily, much as your steamy boy butter goes down Mark’s Mom’s esophagus.
SYNTAX ERROR!!!:
@ Blasphemy Rottmouth
It’s more likely that he choked on a glottal stop.
Vowels go down easily, much as your steamy boy butter goes down Mark’s Mom’s esophagus.
(See how easily that vowel–in this case, an indefinite pronoun–went down?)
@ Noam Chomsky
You’re not the real Noam Chomsky! Even I know “a” is not a pronoun. It’s an indefinite article.
What if it was K9 sup’n the wedge… forget about the 4 horsemen outside your window and think on how the mag media would put it.
@ Crusty Native @ 3:04 pm
” I LIVED in Hawaii Basshole! I’ve forgotten more good waves then you’ll EVER surf!”
Mate please! Not another one of these “I lived in hawaii” seppo kooks. Seems like every single time I hear that phrase it comes from some American that runs scared shitless from any wave over 6 foot.
Crusty Native sounds like Crusty the Clown to me.
@ Noam Chomski,
You may be correct. But being the educated man you are, I’m sure you knew the word “vowel” is the Ruwandan word for “cock.”
True story.
Ask Jamie O’Brien.
To quote all the regulars:
Blah, blah, blah!
Noam Chomsky on Postsurf? Better print the cliff notes for Mark and Smyrna. Funny thing is, so many “clever” pseudonym’s share Lewis’ inflection. Literally arguing with himself.
Speaking of another dynamic duo, Mark and Smyrna J seem to post in bunches….. won’t bother counting over how many hours, that’s their deal. Add Hog flu to those who no longer live in Hawaii. Wow, that’s going to be a tough trophy to put down, the ideal of the hawaiian zip code.
Slaters tour is going to blow up. Fuck the ASP, it’s an exhibition at best anyway. If dave the mailman really has talent, maybe he can score a day job. His fiancee will like that, mozeltov.
@Shreddy Roosevelt said,
“key-tar. the guy that jumps in front of the camera in the music video, keyboard slung over his shoulder”…
ya mean like this guy?
Pathetic. Nobody knows the wedge story. All so good to see a hack of a writer making up unwarranted details, 12 foot board, to hype his rhetoric.
Everyone is liable that surfs point, cottons, creek, 56th, swarmies now for their ineptitude. It is cool for surfers to hack away at each other dropping in, pulling out while bailing boards. Sissy factor 50.
Whine all you want, cry to your mamma, just try to throw a blow…. The jig is up.
Funny post surf is full of vile and hate, explains typical village idiot mentality. Get one person preaching hate and the rest of the brainless tools fall right in line.
One incident at swamis explains it all. Angry shortboarder paddles out with 5 others out. 3 more join the line up. Angry vocal guy starts busting his mouth off. 3 of the others just paddled out with spewing hate.
All the while the original 5 (two SUP) just keep their mouths shut and smile. Angry guy furthers his cause by back paddling and takes off behind, goes right and falls. He paddles back out and makes up a really good story. Hyped it up just like everyone else does. Adds a few lies and offers some good life threatening words. Says wants to take it to the beach with no sheriffs to be called. Three pipe weasels join in with the threats. The 4 of them are getting whipped into a 4 man mob mentality and also start trying to recruit the original guys.
Angry boys proceed to cut Sup off by dropping in on him. Sup does reverse stance fade away drop in, ends up going right while the three butternuts all collide. They are now all whipped into a wild frenzy saying Sup attacked them with paddle. Now at this point the other shortboaders are laughing who never played submissive dog and acted when pavlovs bell rung. Angry boy boy goes after Sup. Sup smiles and says we can discuss this here and now, angry boy issues more threats of violence and harm.
Sup now is explaining in detail what he created and what the ramifications are of bogus stories to encite violence.
After Sup told him to paddle away from the crowd to ‘discuss’ they came back and angry boy had a different 180 degree tune. His poor cohorts, who ere just kids and didn’t even know angry guy were know really quite and were all of a sudden very stoked to have less than 10 people in the water at early morning with a consistantly swell.
Now, the rest of the story:
don’t bite before you know what you are going after. Sup was law enforcement and all who were in the water were state police. Angry boy had multiple warrants and was allowed to surf and was given an offer he could not refuse.
Later during his interview he said he was just angry at everything, body boarders, divers, longboarders, skimboarders… All of the above. Hate spreads like a virus.
Lesson: understand what and who your fellow surfers are and accept what they ride. Understand that you have endangered more than 1000 people in your time surfing and mouthing off will advance nothing. Respect and proper honor in the water to all regardless of what equipement is appropiate for the conditions and who is riding what.
Soccer mom generation of entitlement now showing up in every line up, just ask all the ones whining.
Quit the whining and get out surfing.
Btw… Angry guy ended up swapping boards and gave Sup a try. Found he was right back at newbie status and had good time and didn’t understand that not everyone Sup like surfers has the sense to make a good decision when entering the water. That is why know you company and look out. Aloha will get you further and vile words.
Have to say that my board received no dings and actually had multi party waves with Sup and the others that came in. Funny, of all places : swamis you see less then two dozen in the water all sharing waves, even with those cobra surf skis.
It is not the effort to bitch unless you parents are still running yourliede saying you are always a winner. They were wrong. Take a bad session and think it could be worse, you could be living in a third world country with snipers on the bluff.
Fair dinkum. The failure of the ASP opens it all up for the new rebel tour.
From day one, K9 was underestimated.
A mil per contest? $40,000 for last place?
Money talks.
I’m in like fins above the lip.
@JackAl
We appreciate your colossal efforts in concocting an epic comment. However, we would also appreciate a spell check, and a grammar check; followed by some paragraph breaks before we attempt to melt any more of our last remaining synapses.
Gracias.
President of Vice™
P.s.
I said ‘coct.’ Heh heh.
Sweeper cop fired up his SUP-mounted police radio and ran the punk’s rap sheet right from the line-up, eh? Guess SUPs truly are seagoing “vessels” like the Coast Guard says- good story Jack
Hmmm Don’t encourage the Bastards…. a moto that can be applied across a whole swathe of issues within the modern surfing epoch…. seems to me that great byline should be leveled at the current push to further elevate the “sport” of surfing…. through mainstream corporate media coverage. Shame that more money and exposure HAS to be made at the expense of the core community of surfers. SLats… please consider this a little longer - by making exposing more folk to surfing are you really adding to the existing surfing community? or contributing to its death through several hundred thousand new cuts ( read kooks). The psychology of overcrowding and limited resources is very well understood - and has been the death of some of the planets most advanced and beautiful communities…. choked on their own growth…
Something to think about
@ Idiot
You bit the bait. Yes, “a”, in that context, is, according to prescriptivistic grammarians and their minions, an indefinite article . . . but, quite honestly, if you knew spot 1 about generative syntax and/or deep structure, you’d know that “a” is simply the surface representation of “that” which, in turn, is simply the deeper structure of “his/her’s/its”–both aforementioned instantiations are, I am sure you recognize, pronouns (and there’s no such thing as an “indefinite pronoun”)–which is the deeper structure for “God’s”, or, for Richard Dawson and his godless cohorts, “X’s”, and, since deep down we are, despite our supposed sentience, merely animistic beings, the glottal stop in question is neither “a” glottal stop nor “God’s” nor “X’s” glottal stop. No, said glottal stop was predestined, born of its own volition, and, therefore, its own glottal stop in both heritage and spirit. Follow? Of course you do. You are, after all, derivative of the Greek ideal of “self.”
@ Blasphemy Rottmouth
True. “Vowel” is the Rwandan word for “cock”. but only “cock” in its aviary sense. In Rwandan, the phallic sense of the word “cock” is “Rott” . . . which makes your surname quite provocative, indeed.
I’ve always wondered, why doesn’t Jesse Billauer just ride a body board? Instead of belly-boarding a fiberglass short board?
Dude, just because Jesse Billauer has useless legs, does not mean we can equate him with a boogie boarder. Boogie boarders only count as 3/5ths of a person in the census for Laird’s sake. Plus, putting flippers on Jesse’s numb extremities would be like mounting a rubber on Mark’s perpetually flaccid wiener. Good god, man. Have you no decency?
What are we, a bunch of Neanderthals?
@ Blasphemy Rottmouth
Alas, we all, save Lewis Samuels, must be Neanderthals, for only a neanderthal would moderate his blog.
@Noam
I fixed the moderation thing on my ‘blog.’
Unfortunately, I’m only familiar with Blogger, and this whole WordPress thing has thrown me for a loop.
Your comment was epic, btw.
@ Blasphemy Rottmouth
My dear, dear, dear, dear friend . . .
I publicly retract my snide remark.
Please do forgive my snark.
I hope it left no Mark.
@ Noam:
Hers does not take an apostrophe. Prescriptivistic is not a word: prescriptive is.
@ CrustyNative
Go away little girl.
@ Idiot (aka E.B. White)
You are well trained, like a seal, or a like the fascist pewter pistol on the head of a poet.
Neologisms are not uncommon, but, yes, they are non-standard; so, because it has yet to receive Webster’s blessings, I forgive your failure to recognize the word “prescriptivistic”, as I am sure you will forgive my ill-placed apostrophe. (I just so love sticking one between that “r” and “s” of hers.)
@ Noam:
I follow your logic, however strenuous, but you can’t be prescriptive when it suits you and then shit on prescriptivism when it doesn’t. Well, I suppose it’s a free country so technically you can. But it certainly makes you a pedantic moron. That’s Greek for ‘dull’ as you already know.
@ Idiot
To which of my remarks are you referring as “prescriptive”? I can’t imagine prescriptivism ever suiting me.
The one where you wrongly self-corrected.
If anyone would like to prescribe a medicinal solution to the common fetish for spontaneous mental combustion… look no further than the commentary between Noam and Idiot.
Being the dense bloke that I am, I haven’t a clue what they’re talking about, but it is oddly intriguing.
In the same way that Robert Paige finds narcotics oddly intriguing.
Meaning, I am drawn to it like a pair of parched lips to a cistern of menthol flavored water.
Deep Structure is far from prescriptive. (And, clearly, my explanation was in jest . . . dribble . . . avec joie de vivre . . . eine Belustigung . . . tontería . . . poppycock . . . dwaas . . .)
Rottmouth shut the fuck up and stay out of this, I’m not in the mood.
Alright, I’m retiring “Idiot”, you guys were great. Who shall I be next, hmmm so many choices.
I apologize Idiot, you were making a very important and entertaining point…
That’s ok Rottmouth, no harm done. Shit, I’m still here.
@ Blasphemy Rottmouth
And we are drawn to you like the crystalline water is drawn from a utopic lake, in the supple downy hands of one of God’s large-eyed children as depicted by Margaret Keane in one of her many Jehova’s Witness propaganda paintings.
A sage person once said (‘sage’ exclude those named Idiot):
“The problem with most Idiots is that no one has ever told them to shut the hell up. They’ve been getting a pass their whole lives based solely on their INability to entertain; and instead, they fart out every inane thought that pops into their teensie little heads as a vapid attempt at deep, interesting, or meaningful conversation - when in reality, it’s not.”
Therefore, in the interest of the general well being of the public at large, allow me to be the first to say:
Idiot, please shut the hell up.
Now go make yourself a Drano and Coke
President of Vice™
@ Idiot
At least you have . . . your panache!
@ Noam,
I now have a boner. Does that make me…
… damn you!
. . . or, was it pastiche?
… as long as it wasn’t Pistachio.
You really hurt my feelings there Rottmouth. How I long for those parched lips over the cistern of menthol flavored water. Pass the bottle.
Alright, starting now.
I’m out of the good stuff… jest gots me some Old No. 7.
Cheers!
@ Blasphemy Rottmouth
No. It just means you’ll soon be welcoming into your lair two men dressed as pre-breakdown Russell Crowes in A Beautiful Mind.
@Noam,
Sweet. I got the Vaseline ready… errr, I mean the Judas Priest cranked. “I’m YOUR Turbo Loverrrrrrr.”
We can mind-meld whilst saber-fighting to maintain our strong masculine bonds.
Midnight strikes and this place turns into the fucking power exchange. Let’s get Smyrna-gizz over here to straighten this shit out.
That was Smyrna-jizz. Sorry Smyrna-jizz.
Funnily enough, that last exchange between Blas, Noam and Idiot helped my migraine go away. Strange world we live in… Sorry for interrupting, gentlemen. Carry on!
PS: Taj’s Ass, we’ll see, my four legged friend. We shall see…
Hi journalism:
I do remember being in the toilet when Slater walked in. I was like, “C’mon ‘Slater show us ya dick mate, nine times world champ, c’mon.” He was just looking at me, then all of a sudden [Leigh] Sedley comes running out of the toilet and just windmills the cunt (a manoeuvre in which the man lowers his pants and swivels his hips in a circular motion creating a windmill effect with his appendage). Slater loved it.
This morning we saw him at the contest and Sedley was like, ‘Sorry about getting my cock out.’ Kelly told us not to worry about it. He said he “hadn’t seen a dick in a while and it was pretty funny.”
I must have come to the wrong place. I thought this website was about pro surfing. not windmilling dick’s and some jerk named blasphemy rottmouth.
Or radical right wing conservatives. I won’t be back.
The same goes with kite boarders. Those fuckers get dangerously close as well. I agree they aren’t as bad as SUP’s but still I can’t wait to hate on somebody . . . so I definitely will hate on them!
oh yea! and haoles, niggers and faggots!!! Let those mother fuckers burn in a trash can of acid like the mexican mafia does to snitches!!!
BRING THE HATE!!!!!
BTW the report of the body surfer who died the other day at the wedge what they didn’t tell you was he was hit in the head by a fucking SUP board that went over the falls . . .
@Hog Flu
your days are numbered. i’ve got the boys and girls at my biotech company working 24/7 on a vaccine. big bucks if my compound makes it past the next round of trials. If the next big swell doesn’t take you out, I’m looking for a few initial human clinical trialists, do you have the balls?
Lewis you have are on to something here, the natives are restless. block the haters and bring this site back to focus on surfing not a creative writing contest on who can sound the most like Ignatius J. Reilly.
The Turtlegate Saga continues
I like to SUP surf along with surfing my other boards, short and in between. I gotta admit I don’t disagree with LS. Personally, I think it’s near to crazy (and pretty irresponsible) to SUP at a place like the Wedge, or anyplace where there’s a crowded, tight line-up and take-off. But that’s me. I also think of vid I’ve seen of some Hawaiian pros SUP surfing Pipeline and Chopes. But that said, SUPs at those spots are in the vast minority. SUPs have a place in the line-up but generally in places where a longboard would be ridden, with a more open line-up and generally uncrowded conditions.
I am also reminded that the person killed at the Wedge was a body surfer, not a boogie or board or SUP surfer. People start talking about dangerous places, safety, and banning people surfing this or that craft and I’m thinking that so far, your chances of dying at Wedge are highest if you’re body surfing. Careful what you ask for re banning, you just might get what you asked for…and more. Like, no one in the water when the lifeguards say so.
man lot of whinny little biatches here, including LS.
if you’re not confident in your own skills to catch waves around longboarders and SUP’s then give up surfing.
Look, this site serves different purposes for different individuals. An outlet of creativity for some, a place to vent for others. Ultimately, we’re all drawn to what LS has to say for one reason or another.
For me, I think back to Sam George as editor of Surfer. Before the creation of this interweb thing, he possessed the unchecked ability to get in the last word in the letters to the editor section. And since he was and is such an incredible douche, it really pissed me off.
All of that is over. Thank God. When Lewis brings hypocricy and douchebaggery in surfing to our attention, we are free to speak as long as our comments are longer than a few words. We can disagree and level unmitigated criticism at LS himself. If Chris Cote comes on spouting about Transworld and what ball slurpers we are, we are free to remind him that a dog shit on his magazine. And he is free to respond in kind and so on. But it just feels good to say Sam George is a douche. A fucking DOUCHE I tell you. And I actually respect Chris Cote for engaging in the banter. But Sam George is a DOUCHE.
@Ballz
You mean Sam “I’m so fuckin cool let’s talk about me” George? That guy is the most self-centered piece of crap ever. Do any of you remember his “How to score with an older woman” article from way back? Pure unadulterated self-flagilation. I must have read that 15 years ago, and the rank smell of horse shit still sticks with me.
YES YES FUCK STND UP PADDDELERS
Sam I Am George.
Isn’t Sam George the poofster who had himself filmed surfing tandem with naked African boys?
Why yes, yes he is!
Hello Uncle Pervo!
WTF!
Check that video. Look how George sets up the over the shoulder angle of him looking longingly at a photo of a nude boy on a surfboard!
FA-reaker than Mike Jackson.
I almost said ‘I love Ballz’ but that would’ve sounded weird. What I’m trying to say is, Ballz seems like a cool dude. Good comment.
Best thing ever on Surfer was the weekly update from the Sam-led “writing class” in Indo. I’d rather read Makua’s musings on bjj.
Hi to my troll @ 8:57 this am.
’sup, bro ?
Your comment was a bit too short. Please go back and try again.
@srfnff
body surfing is way easy. it’s ten times more dangerous to sup the wedge than it is to body surf it. you don’t see obama stand up surfing sandy’s but you do see him body surfing there
waimae shore break or keikis is more dangerous than than the wedge just no sups out there to hit you in the head as they pitch their board!
although if I saw pierce bronson out there on a sup he’d definitely get raped!
“Surfing is something I am”? What a pretentious fucking twit. How can anyone in their right mind say that with a straight face? RU 4 real? Surf movies need a plot as much as porn movies need a plot (which this seems to be dangerously approaching), leave it to SG. At least porn did away with scripts years ago… Still peddling his shit, 30 years later -is there a parallel surfing universe I am unaware of where Sam’s shit is actually cool? Thanks Taj’s Burro™ for uncovering this gem and bringing home the fact that Sam George IS the most hated man in surfing.
Actually, I’d give my vote to Noam Chomsky. Another thing Mark and I have in common.
Thanks Shredz. By the way, this turn of Slater’s at Huntington blew my mind. Start around the 2:00 mark. How do I do that?
Sam George is the biggest faggot of all!
After In God’s Hands he should be shot. That dude needs to commit harakiri for real.
He’s the worst writer and the biggest kook of all. I hate that fucker so much. Everytime I see his face I want to punch someone so bad than I grind my teeth until they start to crack!
Matt George/Sam George what’s the difference. They both are fucking moron’s who think they’re enlightened cause they surf and can relate that stoke to middle america. They suck.
@Ballz
That carving 360 was even better from the beach. It was as if my breakfast vicoden kicked in at exactly the same instant. I felt like giving him a big man hug, but I didn’t want to create scene or look like Nate Curran and Simpo hugging it en route to the bottom of the Power Rankings.
In the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king. Nothing but filth the things 98% of you write. Trying to make sense of surfers and their mindless motives and rabble is an exercise in futility. Lewis, your blog is in need of a little sweeping.
Hey Lewis
It’s friday afternoon. We know you’re already drinking….where’s the next post eh bro?
Well, it appears consensus is that Sam ‘I Am’ George and SUP’s should burn in hell.
God, are you busy?
Just goes to show why Angry Villager with Pitchfork is an enraged icon of wisdom and foresight. He reached the same conclusion in Comment 10…it took the rest of us an additional 177 comments (many of them semi-masturbatory) to realize his eternal knowingness.
Damn, Noam shows up and proves how prolific he is at writing. Between him and Blasph, LS must have carpal tunnel syndrome. No wonder he drinks.
Jamon, Angry Villager, Taj’s Burro, Crusty Penis, Occy’s Mum….. Pretty funny stuff.
Smyrna, not so much.
Am I the only one who’s not upset at the SUP for being out there, but for wasting a perfect section for a big gouging roundhouse? Thhhhwaaack!
I hope the entire planet blows up. Everyone here should go kill themselves after fucking the neck hole of their mother’s corpse you piece of shit mother fucking faggots.
He’s obviously an SUP’er. Get him.
Is Sam George Gay? Is the ocean wet…
Crazy shit Chris and Justin Cote are the modern day Sam and Matt George. Hopefully Chris and Justin don’t make it as long as Sam and Matt did not sure if the surf world could get through it. I would imagine Chris will try to do a movie like the Geroge’s only thing is Cote’s movie will be a big hit among the gay underground world and will make so much money he will just come out of the closet and be one of the biggest gay porn stars of all time and Justin will go to jail for doing something stupid because of his inability to handle the piss and being a dunb as mean drunk so that pretty much will save us from them being around much longer.
Looks like we might have some natural help. Whitey’s hunting packs of SUPers!
Damn Lewis. You must be withholding one hell of a Photo Dispatch post…
Do you need an intern? I figure this is the most brilliant way to gain credibility and hatred in one go.
I thought Justin Cote IS Chris Cote. Chris’ genius concept of creating some alter-ego that’s even more retarded than the original.
Who is Nug? I was actually impressed with the TW Meeting story.
Two……………….
…………………Hundred.
BTW, the Cote’s are NOT the new Georges. There will never be another pair like them.
They say when I die I will be greated at the pearly gates by 72 virgins. What they don’t tell you 71 of them will be SUP’s. aSalaam ‘Alaykum Sal Masakala!
God, I guess while you are BBQ’ing The George Brothers, all SUP’s and ‘That Guy’(he appears to need some high temp cleansing), you might as well cut to the chase and toss Chris Cote into the eternal fires of damnation while your at it.
Thanks and I’ll be a little late for our scheduled appointment.
And has anyone noticed that Chris Cote would make a good stunt double for Drew Courtney in the upcoming feature ‘The Return of Benjamin Button’?
I am now scheduling appointments.
p.s. - Excellent point Tom Carroll.
absolutely not. There is no coming back from the other side of that cross chop.
a look at the QS mid-season
Sunny Garcia 133
Jay Thompson 28
Ohno,Masatoshi 27 - has there ever been a Japanese surfer on tour ?
Dantas,Wiggolly 34 - hard not to root for someone named Wiggolly. be a good name for a girl.
Cory Lopez 47 - would love to see him and Sunny back on tour.
Neco Padaratz - 59 - nothing like a good fight to make surfing entertaining. referring to Sunny’s mis-step viz a viz Neco at the 2007 Pipe Masters.
Seabass - 73 - that’s much easier to spell than “Sebastian Zietz”.
Basnett,Ricky - 81 - after the beating he endured in last year’s Power Rankings from Lew the sadistic Power Ranker …
Teriinatoofa,Hira - 85. i just want to hear the announcers say the name. Teriinatoofa vs. Wiggolly.
Where I come from we know where to stick our SUPers…Fucking Americans, your policy is fucked on everything….sort them out
I just bought an SUP. That’s right. I’ve been surfing regular boards since 91 and surfing has never been better. I can go to any lineup in Ventura or LA and be in a league of my own. Now that I’ve gotten more comfortable with my quick turns, I can catch the best set waves and leave the slop for everyone else. No more waiting for my turn. I cherry pick and I don’t care what anyone thinks.
Etiquette? F##K that. When I was growing up all of you short boarding A**hole locals were dicks to me and my friends just because my folks couldn’t afford to live in your overpriced communities. Well, you’ve bred a monster you intolerant, selfish pricks. Just try and stop me from snaking you and stealing all the best waves. I don’t give a crap about any of you out there. Even all you other kooks on stand ups.
So, what are you gonna do? Heckle me? Don’t care. Intimidate me? Don’t care. Kick my ass? Like to see you try. Key my car like most of you passive little pussies do? I can afford to fix it, so ha!
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, its that 99% of you jackasses bobbing in the water who have the nerve to talk crap will never back it up. So, by all means, continue to float there and be pissed off while I’m having all the fun. You will have to round up a lynch mob to stop me. I look forward to seeing all of you whiney kooks this weekend at your favorite break, and I hope its crowded so I can frighten and piss off as many of you as possible.
peace
Send your photos…
the person who wrote this obviously got smashed and embarassed at the beach and has a small dick or somethin because he’s a bitch and straight up eats dick for money. what the fuck are you doing with your life trying to help other people.first off, its their choice to live or die.get over it people fuckin die.your basically just a waste of life because your trying to help people but they cant be helped.your just a pussy and are to scared to go do what you want in life so instead you bitch at people that laugh or fuck with you.you cant stop death it fuckin happens.so grow some balls and i’ll see you at WEDGE FEST 09! september 19th surf from 6a.m till blackball.then come get your grub on for FREE all from the kind sponsors of bodyboarding today.so all you pussies that believe this article this douche wrote can come watch me charge fatty 20ft waves and get paid for doing somethin i love!see ya there FAGGOTS!!! =]
remember roller blades? me too
A savoir ! merci
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