Drew Courtney
Remember the final scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, when that Illinois Nazi drinks from the wrong Holy Grail, and ends up rapidly aging to death? That is what it’s been like watching Drew Courtney surf the last three events. I used to think this tapioca fuckwit was Ben Button, growing old [...]
PostSurf
Unfiltered Thoughts on Surf Culture
Monthly Archives: July 2009
Jul 16
J-BAY POWER RANKINGS: 41-45
Jul 15
J-Bay POWER RANKINGS: Intro
There will be Power Rankings. Why? I don’t know.
Joel Parkinson will be the 2009 World Champion. Why? We do know.
Meanwhile, a 30 minute lull in South Africa, which happened to coincide with Kelly Slater’s heat, may have put a bullet through the brain of the ASP. Plenty of irony on tap, as the Billabong Pro [...]
Jul 14
LOVE and FORGIVENESS
Dear ASP,
They say that love never means having to say you’re sorry. But I’m writing to say just that, Sweetheart, I’m sorry. I’m eternally sorry for all the horrible things I’ve said about you, and I apologize in addition for the horrible things I’ve done to you. You were right and I was wrong.
These past [...]
Jul 12
GUEST POST: Inside the Goldmine
Editor’s note: This guest post comes from Gra Murdoch, whose site Inside the Goldmine, is a, um, well, a goldmine. Mr. Murdoch graciously crafted the following news article especially for PostSurf. Take a look at his “Disabled Woman” article after this - it’s a rare example of a surf piece that manages to be funny [...]
Jul 11
PHOTO DISPATCH: STU GIBSON
BREAKING NEWS: As TurtleGate enters its 20th day, our top story is the shocking confirmation that Michael Jackson is still dead.
In other TurtleGate news, PostSurf is proud to feature the photographs of Stuart Gibson, a Tasmanian photog who has recently been connected to the scandal.
In an exclusive interview, Mr. Gibson confessed to PostSurf, ” I [...]
Jul 09
Yet another post I’ll get beaten for…
Today we consider a recent Surfermag article, which brings to light three of the biggest problems in surfing today: Shithouse writers, Jiu-Jitsu, and Joel Tudor.
Let’s consider Joel Tudor first.
Apparently, Mr. Tudor recently woke up and realized that he was in the middle of a recession with no clothing sponsor. (He previously rode for good ol’ [...]
Jul 08
WATERMAN LEAGUE: Janitors of Sea Unionize!
Is the ASP world tour getting you down?
Fear not: sporting salvation is on the way - the Waterman League has announced a Stand Up World Tour!
What exactly is a waterman, you ask?
In my experience, watermen are shortboarders whose egos can’t deal with the dwindling wavecount that aging inevitability brings. So they ride gigantic boards and/or [...]
Jul 07
The Op Pros
The Curren vs. Occy bout highlights the importance of choosing a stable sponsor.
Despite being a lovably unstable personality, Occy has been steadily employed by Billabong for his entire career. Hell, they even stuck with him when he looked like Rosie O’Donnell-with-a-bad-dye-job, and smelled like Gary Busey. (Ironically, that gamble worked so well for Billabong that [...]
Jul 06
Hang Loose pro Brasil contestam relatório!
Se uma coisa é certa depois do Hang Loose Pro 2009, é que o Brasil chegou como um surf nação. Adriano de Souza, reconhecida por muitos anos como o próximo Kelly Slater, perante o seu herói no final de uma competição que ficará na história como talvez a mais bela em ASP história. Apesar de [...]
Jul 05
COMMENT OF THE WEEK: NippleGate
Comment of the Week goes to Ballz, for re-igniting the Jordy Smith controversy known as NippleGate. I’m not sure who first broke this story, or who first noticed that Jordy’s nipples are freakishly close together.
Unlike many surf fans, I’m not particularly interested in Jordy’s nipples. But, in favor of due dilligence, I examined a few [...]
Jul 04
PHOTO DISPATCH: WILL ADLER
The Fourth of July.
Images of leisure. The color’s drained out. The consequences are slim. Hours of daylight - all of it hazy.
Watch the water beads dry on the bottom of your board. Watch the water beads form on the skin of your glass. Clink the ice. Smile at her. Keep the shades on. Keep it [...]
Jul 03
CURREN VS OCCY
Billabong just announced that Tom Curren will face Mark Occhilupo in a “Clash of the Icons” heat at J-Bay.
I have nothing bad to say about this.
It’s interesting to note the career numbers for this specialty match-up. Curren and Occy last faced each other in 1988, ending their rivalry with an 8-8 record. But all of [...]
Jul 02
From the Department of Travesty
I hate to write two posts in a row about women’s professional surfing, but this estrogen-drenched cuntery is impossible to ignore.
Here’s the short story: The Women’s Mr Price Pro in South Africa (a key WQS event) did not crown a 2009 champion, due to “adverse surf and weather conditions.”
Sucks right? It’s happened a few times [...]
Comments of the Week: The Kitchen Sink
No clear winners in this war - just noise, flashes of internet bravery, and multiple casualties.
The Mailman delivered us the already-stale rumor that Slater’s starting a new World Tour (no, not the Stand-Up World Tour.)
Phil Jarratt, the Aussie “surfing writer” who co-wrote Slater’s last book, kick-started this rumor last week in an article for the [...]