Comment of the Week goes to Fishing w/ Brautigan. Why?
1) His screen name alludes to a brilliant alcoholic mentally-ill American writer who committed suicide with a handgun in 1984, a stone's throw from my childhood homebreak.
2) Fishing with Brautigan's comment - a semi-incoherent fitness diatribe from someone who seemingly obsesses over professional surfers' exact weights - gives me an excuse to post the photos below. Some things are inherently funny. Case in point: the following images.
I need say no more.
Fishing w/Brautigan says:July 27, 2009 at 11:27 am
Taj Burrow is out of style! Not as a surfer, but as an athlete. When he first game out on tour, a talented young surfer could show up for his heat 15 lbs overweight and slightly hungover and still win, but that is all over now. Two years ago Mick Fanning showed up trim and fit, and he won a world title. Then last year Kelly dropped from from something close to 170 lbs down to about 155 and took his 9th world title. This year Parko hired a personal trainer, dropped twenty pounds, and it looks like he will be the champ.
Surfers are one by one starting to become the world class athletes they need to be to continue competing on an International level, and party boys like Taj are going to get left behind.
This ain’t Golf folks! It is an extreme sport, so they had better start to train for it. Burning your way through beer and Aussie swimsuit models, although great fun, is not real training.
In the end Taj, who may be an incredibly talented surfer, is not an elite Athlete; so, it is doubtful he will continue to be able to compete on a World Tour.
BTY all of this goes for Dane Reynolds (who I’ve noticed has lost some weight this year) as well?
I’m first. Tee hee. :)
@ Fishing w/Brautigan: For shame.
There goes that theory.
I wonder if Kekoa can manage to get out of shape and gain enough weight to beat Parko for the title? What a finale!
It appears as if that Kekoa kid’s kind of stealing my image.
The fact that there are less-than-fit guys on the WCT is (another) testament to the fact that surfing is not to be taken seriously as a competitive sport.
BTW how annoying is Dustin Barca’s facial hair, with that little hit-me-right-here-dot-of-hair on the chin. The only other people I know sporting that kind of hair are metrosexual Italian men that like to wear pink shirts, Prada shoes and regularly go to a beautician for skin treatment.
When you are young it is possible to compete at the top on talent alone- think of a young Larry Allen (Dallas tackle) or Dane Reynolds today. But fitness is required to stay at the top for an entire career. Seems most of the pros get this-
bam is on to it and eats enough to insulate thats all….check out the other kid in his suit….soft,spoilt….or malnourished?
Can’t knock Dustin Barca’s training. Newp. If anything, it’s paid off in his colossal beat down of a much smaller and passive aggressor as Adriano. That alone, is worthy of MMA lore. And by “lore,” I mean WQS relegation and KS Tour disregardation. Yes, I straight made up the disregardation.
Really though, I’d like to tie Dustin to a soccer goal, then hit a large bucket of golf balls at him. Someone needs to give this guy a Pepsi Cola and Pop Rocks enema with a toddler sippy-cup shoved into his descending colon. His beetle abs would look like they were giving birth to a dozen Aliens. It would be Soooo cool…
Kekoa’s a great guy. He’s so nice, and humble, and funny, and really, really… nice. That said, his thorax looks like the number eight after it was removed from Goliath’s super-sized Hummer license plate and stuffed into a woodchuck’s condom. Good thing he’s a great guy?
Has anyone mentioned that Kekoa’s super nice?
Maybe Kekoa is the Kirsty Alley of surfing. A very talented and very nice person who seems determined to eat themselves out of a career.
@goblock,
You are right. Dusty’s rockin’ a look that’s just like a Phil Hendrie character.
This one in particular.
Dustin “Rudy Canoza” Barca. Ouh La La La La La.
Like a good local boy, Kekoa drinks Bud Light
What is the Hawaiian fascination with this God awful beverage?
Nothin to do with watchin your waistline
Bud Ice and batu! Now there’s a diet Eddie Rothman can vouch for.
Kekoa’s thorax resembles a paper sack filled with wriggling Kentucky Fried Chicken breasts.
He’s so fat, even his oven seats 50.
Kekoa’s so fat his bowel movements are reported on Chanel Five’s Live Doppler Radar right now:
“Hi this is Power 5 Chief Meteorologist Mark “The Bible” Johnson.
Expect a rough and dangerous commute this morning as the Southeast is once again recovering from last night’s non-stop barrage of wind and rain. Trawlers are out right now beyond Hanuama Bay trying to assess to line-up situation for you.
Also, our viewers should be aware that we are seeing something developing out towards Ala Moana. It appears that Kekoa has, once again, ran the menu at Taco Bell late last night. Those of you commuting in this vicinity, leave a little early today, as liquid vapor from his gaping prolapsed rectum could cause some visibility delays. Lewis, back to you…”
Damn, Kekoa makes me feel slim and buff, I think I’ll go stand in front of the mirror for a while longer.
hate me baby, hate me
Kekoa surfs better than you.
Kokoa is so fat they had to kick him off the Indies Trader, not to keep it from sinking but because there weren’t enough powdered donuts on board.
Kokoa is so fat he drank the south Pacific.
Kokoa is so fat the last time he did a top turn in Indo Nias sank.
Lew,
When’s Jeremiah Klein’s “photo tips” gonna post ?
There oughta be speech boubles in the kekoa foto..
the skinny guy with hand raised almost in protest, asking how come kekoa isnt cold..and how he needs a full wet suit and stuff..and kekoa looking at him sorta confused saying..”what the fuk are u on about..?”
Kekoa needs to get on my training program. Three ass poundings a day — squared! We rotate, in case you breeders don’t know. Two workouts in one hot session. Furthermore, it’s great jujitsu/MMA training ass well.
I see all of you sitting there. Big, fat, soft internet types. Barca may drop off tour this year, but I’m guessing he’ll look more like Knox and less like PT as he grows older. Face it, all the workouts, these guys are doing are good for them. Selloutish as he might be, Tudor will be surfing circles around guys his own age for decades to come. Same goes for Barca, Fanning etc. Fat guys just end up fatter - just ask Greg Noll.
Screw the training bullshit. Babe Ruth drank whiskey all day and look where it got him. Kekoa’s doing fine. Kekoa’s not new school or old school. He’s middle school. You know like 7th grade, which in some parts of Florida is called the child rearing years. Just look at those child bearing hips. You could rest a 3-year-old and a twelver of Primo simultaneously. That my friends is talent.
Who is a troll and who is not a troll ?
That is the question.
As far as this working out stuff, when I first started stretching as yoga it was in the Bikram class that, coincidentally, TKnox was taking. Then about 5 years later I was at another gym doing a high bar leg stretch & who do I see watching me stretch, except - Sunny Garcia !
I couldn’t think of anything smarter to say than, “you’re Sunny Garcia !” so I went back to my stretch.
those barca pics are hilarious.
Elite Fat Surfers’ Union (EFSU), eat a dick for linking to the most garbage surfing site on the web.
Good golly Miss Molly, comment of the week! I am so your humble servant.
Two things:
My “semi-incoherent fitness diatribe was not meant to belittle slightly overweight surfers, which would include me, or even very overweight surfers, but was more of a statement on where I see the sport going.
There seems to be a few elite surfers at the top who are determined to take everything up a notch while at the same time trying to extend their professional careers. This means everyone is going to have to follow suit or get left behind. The hotdog and beer approach that worked so well for “The Bambino” would not cut it in today’s Professional Baseball, and soon professional surfers who look more like professional bass fishermen will find no place among Mr. Slater’s elite 16.
Also, with much respect to Taj. Once those lighting quick reflexes start to slow he is going to need to become a different kind of athlete. I know this from personal experience. This year is 41 years in the line up for me, and I am not the whippet I once was.
BTW Lewis those numbers weren’t all that exact. They were actually kind of eye balled and rounded off! The reference to Richard is for you. I figured one “brilliant alcoholic mentally-ill American writer” deserved another.
@Brautigan:
Explain CC Sabitha?
Explain Big Baby on the Celtics?
Explain Prince Fielder?
Zero percent body fat doesn’t mean prevent you from looking like a spazz when you try to do a lay up or throw a football.
@Pobby,
CC Sabathia and Prince Fielder: They play baseball. A sport filled with fatso’s and juiced up freaks who stand around and scratch their nuts for nine innings.
Big Baby: Hardly an elite player, who doesn’t even start for his team when they’re healthy.
It’s not that an occasional fatty in a highly cardiovascular-intensive sport can’t break through and do fairly well for a short period of time. Kekoa’s doing well for the time being, but no one’s mistaking him for a world title threat. Plus, he’s so damn nice and funny and cute. I want to poke his tummy and watch him coo.
However, Fishing’s point was regarding the elite.
As for Taj’s physical fitness being the reason he hasn’t and probably won’t win a title? Maybe. Or, maybe he just doesn’t have ‘it.’ Like a Karl Malone or a Charles Barkley. The talent’s there, the will to win is there, but it’s just not in the cards. And by ‘not in the cards,’ I mean Slater to their Jordan.
Furthermore, has anyone noticed how nice Kekoa is?
Kekoa knows the secret to success. World’s greatest sandwich, plenty & often.
nope. plate lunch brah- with extra macaroni.
Hmmmm, you sure Kekoa doesn’t think about training?? This video suggests otherwise.
Indo Boarding or Indoors Surfing is the good way to boost one’s athleticism by optimizing core strength and providing cardiovascular endurance. This workout demands dynamic bursts of energy needed to constantly pump the legs, upper body for peddling thus working on the all the muscles. It is a complete mind-body workout. It has many health benefits for upper and lower body.
had guts to hand this in…………….brilliant
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