READER CHALLENGE: Surfline Drinking Game!

Posted by lewis on August 5, 2009 at 9:04 am.

tav1

As previously mentioned, it's been slow out there lately in terms of compelling surf content.

I decided to spice things up by playing a drinking game while readings Surfline's Tavarua Spot Check.

At first, I was hoping to write something witty about the inherent advertorial irony of a 39-slide feature exclusively dedicated to an exclusive resort, narrated exclusively by the resort's co-owner/manager Jon Roseman... and sponsored by Oakley no less, who must be wondering why in custard-fuck they funded an infomercial that doesn't even feature any of their teamriders.

But after the first couple slides, I became completely obsessed with Roseman's insightful narration, in which the word "PERFECT" is consistently used to describe his resort.

In slide two, Roseman starts off with "Looks like a perfect 4-5 foot day... just hitting the inside ledge perfectly."

Naturally, I decided to make a drinking game out of it.  Each time Roseman says perfect, you do a shot.  BOOYAH!

Sadly, I passed out drooling on my keyboard somewhere midway through the feature, around the time Roseman describes the wind conditions in the shot below as, you guessed it - perfect.

tav2

So the Reader Challenge is this: a Surfline Premium Membership, giftbag of ready-to-throw rocks, AND a pair of Von Zipper shades go to the first reader who can do a shot each time Roseman says "perfect," keep track of the number of shots, and get their stomach pumped before they're killed by alcohol poisoning.  I'm guessing completing the reader challenge will take upwards of 30 shots.

Get to it!

Terms and Conditions: If you kill yourself while attempting to win this Reader Challenge, the gift-pack will NOT go to your next of kin.

114 Comments

  • sla-olie says:

    Write about the ISA? or isn’t that interesting enough? Sla-olie wants it

  • Yeah, Bitch! says:

    First! You alcoholic feces farmers!

  • sla-olie says:

    Sla-olie claims it! YEAH BITCHES! numero uno idiatos!

  • WRONG WAY says:

    who cares about being first.. dorks.

    anyways back to yesterdays ramblings.

    who would get the seeds for the new pro surfer dude contest..

    would free surfers get seeds??

  • zac varf says:

    i cant think of a greater thrill than to be the first to make a comment on surfline..

    orgasmic is too mild a word..

  • zac varf says:

    wooops..surfline postsurf…freudian slip?

  • Shreddy Roosevelt says:

    Classic, Lewis. I noticed the same thing…now, if you do a nice little bump every time you see the word ‘froth’, you’re really getting into a good time!

  • Perhaps Surfline should change the name of those features to Spot Lick!

  • Beergoggles says:

    First, I’d like to say that BVB guy is an asshole. Secondly, i don’t like the idea of this new tour…too much confusion, who’s champion? is this event sanctioned?-why not just improve the existing tour. And thirdly, as far as the surfline tavarua drinking game..GAME ON!!! do we need to send in proof of puke??

  • bird slayer says:

    Nice call out Lewis.
    That is definitely one of the most blatant instances of Surfline “content”
    being a full blown advertisement.
    Roseman makes a pretty nice pitch, but the shameless promoting
    gets old about 7 or 8 photos into the feature.
    And then it just goes on and on and on…

  • Shreddy Roosevelt says:

    Actually, Lewis, I’d really love to see an analysis on the roots of the word ‘froth’. My guess is it came from the secret language between Dino Andino and his mini-me in that shrill Orange County surf talk:

    “Son, you’re fuuuuuuuucking frooooooooothing, bro!”

    “No bro! You’re soooooooo frothing Daaaaaaaaaad. Fuu uuu uuuck.”

    Sean Collins: “I’m sooooo frothing right now I’m going to use that shit on website everyday!!!! Siiiiiiiiiiick!”

  • sla-olie says:

    @Wrong way

    -Competitions like the ISA are essential part of surfing, the interest of contest surfing is growing thanks to live feeds, interviews (I admit there is much room for improvements but nevertheless. An international event like this can actually infiltrate political views on surfing. Our beaches are getting more crowded, more polluted, more dredged as the years go by. It is time that governments all over the world accept surfing as an important part of everyday life, and yes with the profit that comes along with it, based on good surfing products. I read, earlier someone stating surfing as being a “shore-only” activity, no my friend, thanks to artificial wave technology we are capable of duplicating a J-bay wave in any zone which might be profitable. Pay for waves? Sure why not. At least it keeps me fit for the real shit I think, but you might think otherwise. The New Tour? I am not really thinking about it to much. I’d rather ponder how we are going to satisfy so many surfers in the future with limited breaks to be found. But then I look away and think how fortunate I am to be a surfer right now. Evolved, good equipment alongside the occasional “no crowd” days. Essentially, we are the wave of surfers living in the first 100 years of significant surfing in surfing history.( again you might not agree, but this is my post ) And perfect waves are hard to find ..and that a good thing if you think about it.

    And I care, I am first and yeah bitch thought he was first haha did u see that?

  • Just Arrived Guy says:

    Industry insiders do not refer to the above as a infomercial. We prefer “Free Trip to Tavarua” for Sean Collins!

  • Reinfear says:

    Few decembers back i spent 10 days on Tavarua and got absolutly ZERO surf the whole time. Didnt even get my money back. Not PERFECT.

  • The Nug says:

    Last night I dreamt Surfline was available in liquid form. Thinking quickly, I grab few trusty Shamwows and sponged that shit up. Then I squeezed the remains into a shot glass mixed with Patron and Lime jucie. Sure I got plastered but I had the worst case of dysentery ever. And, I pooped out the missing Salt Creek cam.

  • Mike says:

    When you charge over 4 grand for 6 days of surf at basically two spots, though good, you have to work the sales angle.

    Having spent that money, that second picture is anything but perfect, treacherous may be a better adjective. And bring a heavy board for that wind…..

    Isn’t it possible to replace alcohol with water and play the game? Oh right, you could drown yourself in your chair!

  • sla-olie says:

    @ Reinfear

    tavarua is not hard to find, that’s exactly what i mean perfect, only the true are blessed with glorious perfect surf. it takes one with unimaginable love, patience, brotherhood and yes money..will you charge again? or are you going to give up?

  • sla-olie says:

    and talent

    (fucking message to short.)

  • sla-olie says:

    indurance and adventurism included

  • goblok says:

    @sla-olie
    you wrote: “it is time that governments all over the world accept surfing as an important part of everyday life”

    wtf??? open up your eyes and look around you. Surfing means nothing. It’s just a hobby damn it.

  • ted says:

    On the subject of drinking games, you could also hop on in the fast lane to liver cirrhosis by doing shots of NyQuil every time a California pro uses the word “super” when he/she means “very,” or knock back some paint thinner every time GT calls one of the top 44 his “bro”. Not that you would want to. It’s a suggestion for a lonely Wednesday night…

  • Back to the reader’s challenge.

    Jon Roseman used the work perfect 46 times in the article furthermore I played the game doing rectal shots with some mezcal.

    now has anybody seen danny fuller? he’s not answering my texts . . .

  • Hater says:

    LOTS of narration and slides were given to the right that interestingly I’ve never even heard of. Doubly interesting that it was described as either a PERFECT skatepark when small, a PERFECT shack when big and a PERFECT alternative setup whenever Tavi gets blown out.

    It seems as if someone finally told management that sure, regularfooters like gnarly left reefs too, but throwing down $4k without a right option (in this day of $4k boat trips with both) is excluding about 50% of their target market…

    Anyone out there surfed that PERFECT right?

  • sla-olie says:

    @ goblok fortunately for you it is MORE then just a hobby. if you really REALLY surf that is)_ I feel, when I speak to people from deep parts of any chosen metropolis how lucky I have been to have lived for 20 years in the Caribbean. But this is definitely is not regionally specific bounded feeling. It is not like tennis, soccer or football, where a couple static lines limit you or condone you. Surfing is different from any other sport, because it is not a sport nor is it a hobby, The stoke, is a deepened feeling that may brew inside of you regardless you want to or not, or simply one you haven’t recognized just yet until you take it for granted. It is good for your body, mind and soul. A true connection with lively elements around you, for you, during variety of conditions of beautiful waves It is the best thing I have experienced so far. I am 25 years old. I now live in the Netherlands.

  • ramboestrada says:

    To keep things interesting you want to also have a couple of shots handy that you’ve added an anchovy to. Then when he throws in has 2nd favorite phrase “sheet glass” you have to drink the booby prize.

    I’d also be keen to hear from anyone who has surfed the right?

  • Robert's Your Mother's Brother says:

    Dear sla-olie:

    In today’s modern world there is treatment available for mental illness, including the one you appear to be suffering from. I believe it is classified as “Delusional”.

    1) Please seek help with local health care officials immediately. This should be easily accessable since you are in never-never-land, I mean the Netherlands.

    2) Do not go near a computer. Any computer.

    3) Stay away from all public places. Especially where children and homeless congregate.

    4) If you respond to this post, then you are confirming that you are unstable and will be tracked down via the Internet Police. The owner of this blog will be mandated to cooperate with authorities per US Code 53859434910324.3 of the Homeland Security Act.

    5) If you are actually Danny Fuller, please call home asap. You’re family is worried.

    Now, on with the game.

  • sla-olie says:

    OK What I DO know now is that what you find funny I find stale. Never-never land? I don’t understand. Can you be more specific? Are you busy perhaps with an occupation you do not like fulfilling? Don’t be sour now, don’t be a hater. Read my previous post again. and again.

  • Beergoggles says:

    Can we have a B-flight division for the challenge for those who haven’t built up their immunity? How about a shot for each time he says ‘waterman’?

    Hey Sla-olie…..STFU!

  • al says:

    hilarious…i was thinking the same thing…perfect

  • al says:

    perfect!!!
    perfect???
    perfect…
    perfect;
    perfect.
    perfect - perfect
    perfect:
    “perfect”

  • al says:

    seriously though, the word is used so many times it has to have been done purposely. there is no way any editor could let that slip through and not suggested to try another word. or not! after watching the huntington contest online and hearing monotone sean collins speak you might think everybody at surfline is comatose

  • surfcheck says:

    Dudes I HAVE surfed the Tavi right (earlier this year). It was 3 ft, a bit walled not barreling but it ran, the boatman sat on the inside and worked it, finally figured that out as the session ended.

    No where near perfect that day, its a specialty break on the Cloudbreak side of the island’s reef, across the channel from CB. It needs a special swell (straight S?) and opposite wind that fucks-up Cloudbreak and Restaurants. Don’t think it goes off at same time as CB. Cloudbreak is for real but can’t imagine a flat spell on Tavi, I’d go stir crazy and bar tab would have spun even more out of control- Weird there, a few comp’ed pros and swimsuit models and the rest of us paying $$$$ for the show-

  • al says:

    more surfline stupidity - STEPH GILMORE’S AMERICAN WALKABOUT PART 1: THE BIG APPLE

  • God says:

    Nigga please. Did you see Steph’s norks? That’s a work of art.

  • Steph Gilmore's Upper Lip says:

    Has anyone seen me lately?

  • Just Arrived Guy says:

    And here is just the Quiver you will need?

  • Perfect Sheet Glass says:

    There needs to be a list on PS of the most cliche adjectives used in an effort to create awareness of mind-numbing descriptions such as those by Mr. Roseman. We could call it the “Boring and Over-used Adjective” list or something to that effect.

    As a side note, Roseman is probably very numb after spending the last 15 years on Tavi, so I don’t blame him.

    Another side note: actual spoken words can be pronounced/presented in many different ways, making it more palatable for everyday use. But we are talking about creative vs. non-creative surf writing, so hopefully Lewis can come up with something.

  • al says:

    sean collins and luke egan should have a monotone surf commentary contest…

  • I have an even better POSTSURF drinking game!! Do you know what it is?

    Each time Samuels writes “simple”, “fuckwit”, “vanilla”, “custard” “pudding”, and/or “bastard”, you do a shot!

    Bottoms up!

    p.s.- this just goes to show once again that POSTSURF is a superior website to Surfline, as POSTSURF will get you drunker!

  • CORRECTION: please substitute the word “fuckery” for the word “fuckwit” above.

    Happy drinking!

  • schlurg says:

    If we keep up with all the drinking games,we’ll need quivers like Sean Collins’.
    And then we won’t.

  • Michael Kew says:

    Fucking comedy.

  • Mark says:

    Kind of like that old Stone Steps contest where you drain a huge beer after every heat you make?

    Another drunken surf contest is the Kimo’s-Hobie Mala Wharf contest on Maui. By the end of the day everyone is already hallucinating from alcohol and more and then it gets serious as the show moves 300 yards down to Kimo’s bar and Restaurant on Front street.

    Good times far from the commercial surfing scene.

    P.S. How to define “and more” you ask? Have you been to Lahaina in the summer?

  • Taj's Burro™ says:

    A 38 photo advert disguised as content?

    Business must be off on old Tavarua.

  • AudiBVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVV says:

    Ewwww. Yeah, a chick fight. Iʻd like to be the first one to say that most of you suck. Delusional, illusional. What happened to the fetard, the fetid turd? ʻOh Rottmout where are you? Itʻs been 12 hours and we havenʻt spoken. Hello. You there? Hound me out you XL t-shirt wearing bitch of a blob. Your followers are waiting for a direction to go in. GO SOUTH SO SOUTH. GO EAST. NO, WEST, GO WEST. Yee ha!
    Or maybe youʻre like the rest strappinʻ the rip stick to the top of the car - racks, cool surf racks. Make sure EVERYONE seeʻs you cruising to the beach, surfer. You ARE a surfer. Wow. Original. Maybe pro surfing brings a sense of wonderment and awe - something just out of reach. I have surfed Pipe and small Poops - itʻs easy when your automatically autonomously “In.”
    I saw a dude, Retro Bob haircut, dude speaks pure Spicoili, the mold was not broken. So many bitchen dudes I canʻt possibly put a finger on anyone. All in fun, everyone surfing! Tavaruahaiki - imagine all of us, these blog whore pro surfing Kiss Lewisʻ ass key board hounds. I wonder if any of you surf?
    Flat Tire Ale. Bail.

  • AudiBVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVV says:

    Lahiana is hot, humid. putrid, stinky, and old.

  • Flatus says:

    @AudiBVB

    “Lahiana is hot, humid. putrid, stinky, and old.”

    That’s no way to talk about you mothers cunt.

  • Mason F. says:

    The gayest thing about this advertisement is Roseman’s choice to only publish surf photos of:

    1. Himself
    2. His Business Partners
    3. His “Lifeguards
    4. His “Boatmen”
    5. Jamie O’Brien

    Where are the photos of happy guests getting the waves of their lives? To me, it seems that if you go to Tavarua be prepared to share the waves with about 30 rabid leeches. Wait, I’m sure Shane Dorian loves to share waves and will tow me into some bombs too… No thanks.

    MF

  • AudiBVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVV says:

    Your beat-down came on a foggy day in September, in California…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRuVAQr5D70&feature=related

  • GOT IT says:

    for me, by me, of me, about me, me me me me me!!!!!

  • SubaruBVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVBVVHonda says:

    You mean Mana, where is it MAN? So your stuck there? Another trodder in the land of the ancients. Killer. How was The Wall today? Inside Maalaea? La Perouse? Sharks?
    Letʻs be pen pals!

  • Vanessa Hudgens naked.

  • nealdude says:

    samuels got a chip on his shoulder!

  • Where's BR? says:

    Slightly off topic-
    Hey BR, what was the guys name in the basement in the Silence of the Lambs flick?

    The dude with the moths jammin to freaky synth-emo-esque tunes?

  • trauzersnake says:

    BVBVB=oralingestorofJIsM

  • Beergoggles says:

    BVB:

    As i work my way through this game…..i have to wade thru your vomit. What’s this shit with the squares where apostrophes and commas and shit are supposed to be? HUH?!! What the fuck is that shit? I bet you were one of those kids that kept trying to put the square block thru the round fuckin’ hole. I guess your not an engineer, asshole. Shit I might be your dad….I’ve been to frisco w/ my ‘goggles on’….wait, shit, that would make me like 86 yres. old…fuck you!!!

  • Mark says:

    Ban Bad Vibe Bob. Please do it now Lewis. Send him back into the dark inner recesses of the Castro District “where the boys are”.

    Hey Audi fag. Why don’t you grab your latest boy toy and scoot on over to Marin and run some errands for Barbera Boxer. KOOK!!!!!

  • Robert's Your Mother's Brother says:

    @ Just Arrived Guy
    2:45 pm

    I just checked the link. This fucktard Sean Collins is as delusional as the ’sla-olie’ character. Does he really think we care about his ‘quiver’? Maybe if he moved the tailpad’s a bit further forward.

    Like he says, no one surfs like Kelly or AI. Gee whiz Sean, except for maybe Dane Reynolds, Fanning, Joel Parkinson, etc. Does this cunt believe his own bullshit? That’s a rhetorical question.

    I think he might be lying about his weight. If he’s only 200 pounds, I’m the anti-Christ. Ok, maybe that’s not a good analogy, but you know what I mean.

    It’s people like these that make me want to comment on Postsurf, dammit! And play the ‘perfect’ game; to which I owe a debt of gratitude to Mr. Samuels for giving me yet another excuse to imbibe.

  • Mark says:

    I was studying the asp rankings. It looks like our best chance for any sort of title race would be for Taj to win Lowers and then win or place 2nd or 3rd in France. If that happened and Joel got, for example, a couple of ninths, then it could actually get exciting going into Mundaka.

    But I am sure no one here cares. They are too consumed with what the surfing terrorist or Schlurg has to say about Trausersnake feeling himself up or taking his dick for a walk.

    The number of true pro surfing fans on post surf is in the single digits.

  • surfcheck says:

    On the positive surfing side of Tavarua:

    In the bottom shot, perfect(drink),perfect(drink),perfect(drink), the white water in the foreground is Tavarua Rights- doesn’t look like it’s working today. If I saw Cloudbreak like this across the channel from the tower I’d shit myself-

  • PacNW says:

    @Mark,
    When was the last time Taj won a contest?

  • Occy's Mum says:

    I am fucking confused. Tavarua IS fucking perfect. You perverts.

  • Uncle Cuz says:

    i didnt even catch the “perfect”ion. I got so sick of hearing him say “inside out”, “oh, this one is about to just go inside out…” blah blah blahgh.
    just another surfer that is too stoked on life, selfish bastards.

  • Kernel Corn, Coprophilia Div. says:

    http://blasphemyrottmouth.wordpress.com/

    If Bad Vibrator Slob understands irony, sarcasm and… well, “Fuck You!” – then this little ditty should suffice. I am far too busy to conjure anything remotely as incoherent as his Two-Buck Chuck versions of a Ginsberg and Kerouak nude power-frolick.

    So, maybe I’ll consider it tomorrow, my little piggy.

  • sla-olie says:

    @ googlebeer go fuck your own father’s cunt.
    Lewis please do not feel pressured to come up with interesting an surfing related article every fucking day. Please do let quantity affect your quality. Drinking games haha…dog on beach left by surfer who goes surfing for 40 min..etc, cute ..unfortunatly a degregation. You sell a product, even if you are “only” getting paid by respect and recognition.

  • goblok says:

    @sla-olie
    how generous of you to share with us your thoughts on surfing and ‘the stoke’.
    It seems to me though that you got most of your wisdom from surf-industry sponsored
    movies like Step into Liquid. It is almost as if I hear Sam George speaking for god’s sake.

    By the way, mentioning that you are from The Netherlands really doesn’t do your countries reputation any good.

    Obviously there is ’stoke’ in other sports as well, but it just doesn’t get as cultivated as it does
    in surfing.

    I will not hold your ignorance against you however,since you are probably new to this wonderful thing called surf culture.

    Offtopic: i am
    getting on a boattrip in north sumatra tomorrow. See all you suckers in two weeks muhahaha. will think
    of you when i surf empty indo ‘perfection’ ;)

  • Kernel Corn, Coprophilia Div. says:

    @Goblok

    lol @ ‘empty Indo’… but have fun my friend.

  • goblok says:

    @Kernel Corn, Coprophilia Div

    Yeah I know that usually turns out to be a myth… This time I’m actually going to islands north of Nias where only two boats operate. So I actually cherish some hope :)

    @sla-olie
    One more thing: never, ever refer to yourself in the third person again.

  • sla-olie says:

    OK just for the record. I have been surfing since the age of 11. Beachbreaks, reefbreaks in the Caribbean. Swell of from trade winds, cold fronts and hurricanes. I produce my own surfing equipment,( and no not mediocre garage shaping) currently completing a master degree on marine technology-> direction hydrodynamics. Sla-olie has the right to speak in third term. Funny how THAT of all things caught your eye.

    “Obviously there is ’stoke’ in other sports as well, but it just doesn’t get as cultivated as it does
    in surfing”

    exactly, you share my views even if you don’t want to.
    have fun on your boattrip.

  • fuckwit says:

    Fuller is in Indo…

  • Dave Mailman says:

    Mark, the last event Taj won was JBay in 07. He also won Bells that year… His other wins were in Brazil x 3 and once at the Coke at Manly. So, basically if he wins a comp from here ’til the end of the year, it will be a historic moment for Mr. Burrow.

  • BrodyStylez says:

    How stupid (or monetarily endowed) are you if you are willing to lay down the amount of money a Tavarua vacation costs as far in advance as they require? In spite of how perfect it is, it seems to me that it is quite possibly the stupidest investment a person could make, given all that could possibly go wrong. Imagine if you paid all that money only to spend your time with obnoxious semi-pros and broed-out industry insiders, or to get skunked on swell or inclement weather conditions.

    Admittedly, the wave is pretty perfect, but I’d rather spend a week in Watts than share an island with faggot surfers whose self-conceptions have been inflated by arbitrary contest victories and whose egos have been constantly stroked by parents who feel that telling them they are anything but the best is doing them a serious disservice. On the other hand, put me on the island for a week with Sean Collins I can promise copious amount of mutually enjoyable anally destructive sodomy (I would buttfuck Sean Collins simply out of principle).

    With all the controversy surrounding LS and Tavarua, it ought to be pretty clear that the resort only exists to service industry bigwigs and manufactured heroes for promotional expeditions, while rich dipshits who buy into the charade fit the bill. By all means, enjoy your week of paradise you paid five grand for will Billabong CEO Charlie Thunderfuck gets a hundred barrels on the house. The bottom line: if you pay for waves that well connected people get for free you’re probably pretty stupid.

    PS I drive a 1988 Oldsmobile and shape my own surfboards from recycled packaging peanuts with ivory rails and stringers.

  • PacNW says:

    Re: Taj
    Thanks for that Mailman. My sentiment as well.

    Re: Perfect, Private and Pricey
    “The bottom line: if you pay for waves that well connected people get for free you’re probably pretty stupid.” (-BrodyStylez)

    …Couldn’t have said it better myself.

  • SmyrnaJeff says:

    @ BrodyStylez

    Trade that sucker in! Cash for clunkers $4,500 guaranteed! You can get a Prius and fit right in with all these post surf liberal kooks!

  • The Nug says:

    Cash for Clunkers is insane. I traded in my vintage fan boat for a Hyundai. I’m going to miss those epic fan boat tow-in sessions at Outer Daytona Reef. But shoots, the Yosemite Sam mud flaps I’ve secured are going to look sweet on the new ride. I’ll probably raise it and enter the New Smyrna Monster Truck Rally and Roadkill Chili Cookoff next year.

  • trauzersnake says:

    LMFAO @ Brody Stylez ruthlessly sodomizing Sean Collins for a week on an island out of principle.

  • trauzersnake says:

    @Brody

    While your at it, can you do us all a favor and bring BVB along and rip him a new one too?

  • goblok says:

    @sla-olie
    You’re a surfing legend mate! all these different swells you surfed it is amazing!

    I once shared the lineup with K9 but to be present when you’re ripping has now become a dream for me. maybe one day in Tavarua!

  • schlurg says:

    @Mark
    “studying the rankings”?
    “true surfing fans”?
    Have another Bud Light Mark it will be perfect.

  • Dave Mailman says:

    Not that anyone probably gives a shit, but here’s a link to an interview with ASP Head Judge, Perry Hatchett about new ASP judging criteria and Rebel Tour on Stab…

    http://www.stabmag.com/jed/ASP-judging-criteria-rebel-tour-Perry-Hatchett-Kelly-Slater/

  • Mark's Sensible Conscious says:

    dave mailman = chris mauro. just sayin.

  • Dave Mailman says:

    Mark and PacNW, here’s a link to another Stab article about Taj, Trestles and the Title…

    http://www.stabmag.com/jed/Taj-Burrow-world-title-hopes-2009/

  • Taj's Burro™ says:

    Interesting, Mailmania.

    The As freaking P ockers are covering up the real issue. Still yabbering on about judging criteria.

    Not a mention of the real issue. Cash money, homies!

    The Power Tour.

    It’s going to happen, whether you like it or not!

  • Dave Mailman says:

    Just to clear the air, I am not an alias used by Chris Mauro. I have never met Chris, but you have to have a little respect for any of the men who have had the balls to sit down in an editor’s chair at any of the big mags (TWS doesn’t count. Sorry Chris!). That’s really sticking your neck on the line… even if Mr. Mauro wouldn’t rank high on the list of all-time greats in the field.

  • Crusty Native says:

    rhymes with Lahiana…
    Mala wharf is a really fun wave.

  • Taj's Burro™ says:

    @BrodyStylez

    Spending 5 grand on a trip to Tavarua is not an investment.

    It’s matter of a disposable spending/luxury expense.

    Which is if anyone pumping products on Surflie has not noticed, is something that has kind of gone by the wayside?

    Roseman’s expense side of his balance sheet must also be under a bit of pressure.

    No wonder he’s pumping his product on Surfcrime.

  • Mark's Sensible Conscious says:

    chris mauro talking about himself in the third person. classic.

    dave mailman = chris mauro. obvs.

  • Dave Mailman says:

    Is it just me, or is Taj’s Burro starting to sound like a broken record of an Austin Power’s sound track that skips right where Dr. Evil does his vilainous laugh and declares he’s going to take over the world?

  • PacNW says:

    @ Mailman,
    Saw that stab article last night when I was looking into Mark’s scenario for a potential title race later this year. Thanks nonetheless.

    I’m conflicted about the whole thing. On the one hand, I’m stoked to see Parko on his way to a well deserved title. On the other, I’d love to see Taj (or anyone else) make a historic comeback.

    I’ve said it before, but I think the system of event valuation needs to be reconsidered.

    Sports are defined by iconic rivalries and those are forged when competition comes down to the final do or die moment. One shot for all the marbles. Kelly v. AI at Pipe wasn’t the greatest in recent memory because AI had sewn up the title at Trestles.

  • sla-olie says:

    So you shared the lineup with Kelly Slater? Wow congratulations. He probably took all PERFECT waves being Kelly Slater around you. Not amused if a pro (yes even Slater, is surfing right next to me. Shit, he’s got his chopper, international connection, google earth. I don’t want to see your face here! Leave it for the magazine, video, and all the other millions of time I’ll see his face. He’s great though, love the guy, great ambassador for the sport yada yada..greatest surfer of all time over and over.
    But damn seriously, here, right now? It took me an unimaginable amount of everything to get to this particular spot. Much more then it would take you, C’mon !give me fucking break here. O there goes Kelly, in your face. Just Great, don’t take a wave now, your Kelly boner dong will be showing, just sag into yourself and think what a cool story this will be when you get home and log on to tell your internet buddies.YOU SHARED THE LINE-UP WITH K9 !

    Luckily for me there are gems in the Caribbean even mister Slater is most likely to time incorrectly. I am heading there next week. Home.

    Sla-olie is not impressed.

  • Dave Mailman says:

    So, no one thinks that CJ, Adriano or Damo have a shot? Go figure. Having said that, that Clifton James chap has been known to surprise us every now and then…

  • Dave Mailman says:

    On the event valuation, I agree that a scenario with Pipe worth 25 to 50% more points than the rest, might make for a more interesting end to the tour.

  • Crusty Native says:

    Regarding points and valuation. I’d like to see the point system changed altogether. Go with a lower curve/tighter number spread and only give points to the guys that make it into R3 and beyond. 10 for win, 8/2nd, semi finalists would get 7 or 6 points depending on who won the actual heat, Quarters 5 and 4, R4 3 and 2, R3 = 1 Also give a point to the guy that scores the highest heat total in any round and another point for each 10 scored in any round. Also at the end of the season pay out cash for each point earned. You could also have the “manufacturers” rankings with their sponsored surfers cumulative totals decide a “manufactures” title as well.

    Giving out points for last, 2nd to last, 3rd to last is chocolate pudding fuckery.

  • Heinz Phillips says:

    Rob Machado is a phony bastard. I don’t mean to sound too much like Holden Caulfield, but I feel that is the best way to describe him after I watched this mierda del toro:

    http://www.wetsand.com/blogs/blog/20090805/the_drifter-2920.html

    Go to Sumba and ask how long he helped out the locals by digging wells - long enough to scoop out a couple pounds of mud, get some footage of it, and not much more. Ask if he spent many a night in that cute little tent of his. The answer will be no. The list goes on.

    Despite the fact I think he is a complete roach, phony bastard, I give him a lot of credit for marketing himself so well. Plus, I admire the way he surfs. However, at the end of the day he is no drifter, no soul surfer, no selfless humanitarian, he just markets himself that way and does a damn good job of it. Kudos, Rob.

  • Robert's Your Mother's Brother says:

    @ Heinz Phillips

    Unfortunately, I think your correct. Uber talented surfer, but spoiled rotten and too cool for school. Rule of ‘never believe your own bullshit’ broken.

  • Robert's Your Mother's Brother says:

    ^^^
    I mean y-o-u-’-r-e correct. I’ve got the Irish flu after playing the ‘Perfect’ game all night.

    It’s a big hit here in Transylvania, I mean the Netherlands.

  • sla-olie says:

    sla-olie had 2 sessions of truely perfect surf.
    Lacanau Ocean (14-10-2004) no-one out 15 feet at 20 sec, slow and predictable for 300 yards, slight offshore of 6 knots) and Padang Padang 06-08-06 (8 to 10 feet with 4 hawaiians and I taking off deeper as the day progressed

    good condition in: Playa Negra, Surfers Point, Playa Naranjo, Playa Matapalo, Supertubos, VVF, La Graviere, Treboul,Wollongong, Uluwatu, One Palm, Sawarna.

    Not included ->extremely fickle, almost impossible to time it right, so why bother for you) but glorious tropical southern islands in the Caribbean Sea. Hurricanes, coldfront, Tropical storm and trade wind swell.

    The craziest thing i have ever tried pulling was a frontside 720 double grab, with an altitude of about 10 feet. no, I did not land this.

  • Seaman Staines says:

    Fuck sla-olie rips, who would have thought?

  • Seaman Staines says:

    Dutch to English translation of slaolie…..

    Salad oil is a common name for an oil that is used in the kitchen. It is often a mixture of various vegetable oils.
    The word salad oil comes from the time of the mills. The oil was beaten, hence the name salad oil. Many were at that moment cheapest oils are used. Usually this was rape oil and later soy oil.

    Salad Oil - Good choice of name.

  • trauzersnake says:

    Sla-olie=cumdumpster

  • sla-olie says:

    bravo captain semen..where you able to figure that all by yourself? well u try. gee whiz..and trauzerdickstick? is that the best you got? cumdumpster? nothing surf-related? What is YOUR curriculum vitae on surfing? Resume..cough if it up,I also speak 5 languages.

  • Seaman Staines says:

    One day Sla-Olie was enjoying a solid 4-6 (dutch inches) swell at his secret spot at North Dyke, the wind was blowing a steady 7.2768 Knots and it was just Sla-Olie and 4 Polish Surfers, the Polish surfers to their credit were sitting a lot deeper but they have a lot more experience in these conditions. At first what sounded like the gentle rotation of the nearby windmills got louder and soon the Tulip fields were awash with the sound of the Air K9 chopper, damn that dastardly Kelly Slater and his google earth with ESPN crew in tow. First stop on the new tour Sla-Olies Netherlands secret spot North Dyke…who would have thought?

  • sla-olie says:

    funny, well written.

  • Dr. Evil says:

    “How about NO you crazy Dutch bastard!”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LeRSCN0Ajn0

  • ross says:

    about the to be “rebel tour”, a blog on surfline has an interesting take:

    http://www.surfline.com/blog/entry.cfm?id=29369

  • trauzersnake says:

    @sla-olie

    I prefer not to bore everyone by spewing self-congratulatory jism about where I’ve surfed and how big it was, but let’s just say I’ve been around. (ah, those were the days).

    However, I’ve got a terrific idea for your next trip. I hear Brodystylez is sponsoring a weeklong trip to a mysto island with Sean Collins and BVB. Maybe you can get on board???

  • Dr. Evil says:

    @Ross
    That was the most stupid piece of garbage I’ve read all day. How long did it take you to write it?

  • BrodyStylez says:

    @ NSI Jeff
    I would very much like to own a new automobile, but unfortunately they require proof of insurance and a work history in order to capitalize on the program. Being that I exhibit certain characteristics of the so-called liberals (wanting free money, not paying car insurance, not having a job), I am unable to participate in this wonderful program that our dear leader has created for us. You see, I graduated in May with a degree in Agricultural Economics, but I’ve been unable to find any meaningful work thus far. While my education was from a horrible southern college, I do have at least a cursory understanding of economics, which allows me to see through Taj’s Burro’s inane conceptions of how the aggregate sum of financial transactions take place.

    I am not trying to engage you, Mr. Burro, but you see, I did not mean to use the word investment in a literal sense, but rather to the convey the idea of dropping a significant sum of money a particular purpose. See, I did it there again with dropping! The money is not dropped; it’s spent. You are correct in the sense that I could have used more precise language, but let’s not get caught up in semantics.

    And for my dear Trauzersnake, this is part of BVB’s problem, I agree with his mission, but his methods are lacking a certain finesse. If he were willing to take the time to create intelligible responses, he would be a lot more tolerable. But unfortunately all I see is Blah blah blah I DRIBE A AUDI!!1

  • Taj's Burro™ says:

    Congrats on your graduation, BS.

    And even though you took the long route, it’s good to see that you finally agree. There is a big difference between investment and discretionary spending.

    Even farmers know this, Brody.

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