Every now and then, I'll run across some piece of surf culture that is so uniquely suited for ridicule, that I'm overwhelmed with PostSurf-love at first sight. I swoon to myself as I sight my target and think, "This is why I created PostSurf!"
Case in Point:.
Take a look at the website, and the first thing you'll notice is that Andy Irons endorses Power Balance. So does Bruce Irons... but keep in mind these are the same two geniuses who gave $1 million to the Bernie Madoff of Kauai.
You're probably wondering about now what in the custard-fuck these Power Balance loonies are selling, exactly. (Unless you're bat-shit crazy and/or gullible, and you're already using Bower Balance.)
Well... primarily, Power Balance Performance Technology consists of Hologram Stickers. You put 'em on your board or in your shoes. Why? Here's the pitch, friends:
"The totality of our existence depends on the efficient exchange and balance of positive and negative electrical charges called ions...
Power Balance®, after years of research and development, has produced a system to safely restore and optimize the electro-magnetic balance within the human body… IMMEDIATELY.
POWER BALANCE’S Mylar Holographic Disk (the same substance used to keep static electricity from damaging electrical components) has been imbedded with an electrical frequency that restores your body’s electrical balance...
When the static Power Balance Hologram comes in contact with your body’s energy field, it begins to resonate in accordance with each individual’s biological, creating a harmonic loop."
Sold? If you're anything like Andy Irons, Bruce Irons or Dave Rastovich, of course you are!
For you clearly have the mental capacity of a small child. Perhaps you are overly impressed by all holograms, and dinosaurs too. Or perhaps, like a cat, you are drawn to shiny objects, often chasing wadded up balls of tinfoil across the floor.
If so, click on over to Power Balance and buy a pack of hologram stickers for only $59.95.
But wait! It gets better. In fact, nearly every facet of the Power Balance website is inherently funnier than anything Dane Cook has ever said.
Not entertained yet? Click on over to the section, and learn about Coutney Conolgue's US Open win:
"Last year at the US open of Surfing the waves were so small, spectators blamed the all-grom woman’s final on their small statues, this year proved them wrong. Courtney’s competitive drive, fierce training and use of Power Balance performance technology were evident in each of her heats."
Yes, of course. This makes perfect sense. Last year, the spectators all clutched small statues. They blamed these tiny statues for an all-grom final. This year, these same macaroons will surely accessorize with blameless Power Balance pendants.
People who blame small statues for contest results will buy anything.
Finally, if you're still having your doubts about Power Balance, the will change your mind. The Irons aren't the only pros to use Power Balance - No! These highly scientific products are also endorsed by professional surfers such as Yuri Soledade, Alex Miller, Charley Stevens, Vince Allesi, Mirabai James, and Alfredo Villas-Boas. Kelly Slater needs look no further for the wildcards for the Rebel Tour.
Alfredo notes, "On my surfboard I am grounded like cement on my feet and my confidence on the critical drops is improved 100%. At the lifeguard tower, it helps me make the best decisions in life or death situations.”
Sweet. Thanks to Power Balance, when Alfredo (who apparently supplements his robust pro surfer income with some lifeguarding) sees someone drowning, he consults his hologram sticker to make the best decision.
Solid gold! (That's a figure of speech, by the way. Power Balance products do not contain solid gold - they are made of mylar, silicone, neoprene, spandex and terry cloth.) But worth every penny!
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the battle cry of Brasilian and European Professional Surfers:
“On my surfboard I am grounded like cement on my feet
All our cement on our feet are belong to us!
Of course they are grounded like cement on their feet, they normally have a stance as wide as the golden gate bridge.
buying a powerbalance cock ring is no different then buying into super stretch, anticumstain boardshorts from billabong. it’s all the same shit peddled to the same usual suckers. i’d jar and sell my turds if it made me money. nothing new here…
anyways, lewis, these two chicks from carve surfboards achieve maximum levels of cuntery in sunset magazine. they sold your precious home break (and surfing itself) out in five inches of column space. mill valley and yuppified sunset is getting in on the surfing-is-just-swell act. hardly a surprise i guess…
SUNSET MAG: ASK THE EXPERTS Jennifer Baker Hinton & Thayer Sylvester of Mill Valley’s Carve Designs
WHY SHOULD WE ALL TRY SURFING:
Anyone can do it: You don’t need a lot of gear, you don’t have to have amazing cardio or strength. And when you get it, it’s amazingly graceful and natural.
WHERE DO YOU SEND FIRST-TIME SURFERS?
Bolinas. The beach is super-protected and has nice rolling waves…It’s got the perfect hippie-surfer vibe.
BEST SPOT FOR WATCHING SURFERS?
People forget how beautiful and wild San Francisco’s Ocean Beach is. When waves get big, you can see amazing surfers.
FAVORITE SURF SHOP?
Mollusk in SF. It’s less about hard-core surfing and more about being artsy and creative.
There was a weird guy at NSSA Nationals promoting these. What he’d do for his proof that they work was make you put out your arm and stretch it back. Then he’d put the hologram wrist band on you and have you repeat. Your arm would mysteriously stretch back further this time and it was because of the hologram of course. Right? Wrong.
The first time you did the drill, it would stretch your arm out so that obviously the next time you did it you’d be able to stretch further.
Genius plan. Give the hologram dudes some credit. Brain washing people is tough shit.
I’m not sure exactly what it means to “resonate with my biological,” but I want it. Now.
HA! I work at a surf/skate shop in SD. Had these guys pitching this product to us for skate grip. Think it was under the name Paradox or Pandora grip… cant remember. Had 4 tiny holograms strategically placed on the adhesive, that would improve your balance through natures force or magnetic hubbub.
First off the guy pitching it was stoned off his ass and could hardly answer my questions with any rationality… I mean when your trying to sell magnetic fields and natures way, I suggest you try to over compensate by being extra professional. Showing up at 7:45pm with a bunch of sketchy looking skate rats, er sorry - skate grownups (sk8 mafia), doesn’t put your customer in the most giving mood.
Anyway its a bunch gaia, hippy, bs in my opinion.
PS=Wish I had a video of this rep trying to sell me on it. Was classic. And the balance trick worked.. for whatever reason. still bs
Maybe that explains AI’s lost ways…he hadn’t secured his sponsorship with Power Balance. If a surfboard didn’t exist andy and bruce would struggle to work at Taco Bell Out of the two Bruce would only be allowed to add cheese to the tacos - no moving parts and no way for this mentally challenged custard fuck to get hurt
a baby’s fist holding a apple! nice drawing wankers!
PowerVomit Hologram Packs
they don’t even have pictures !
snazzy Flash website, though.
they sell … wristbands and … necklaces.
must be a California company.
I could use a pair of Power Balance stickers on my bed. When I am piss-drunk and trying to give my old lady a go from behind at least I wouldn’t fall over and puke on the pillows. Maybe that’s why the Irons Brahs and soulier-than-thou Rastovitch decided to cosign on this commercial savior to viagra’d-up drunk fuckers the world over.
That, or it was another avenue for them to cash in on their pseudo celebrity/fashion model personas.
At least the old lady won’t pass another Saturday night without a good whiskey-dick, not done till she’s dry, pounding.
Thanks Lewis. Why not post this sooner? I just gave the disposed Prince of Nigiria 100 large to invest in Power Balance?
If I remember correctly, Weisbecker’s muse for Cosmic Banditos was Power Balance.
Do you think that is a power balance pendant Peter Drouyn is wearing in this picture? His style is much more graceful now….could explain it.
Even I wouldn’t endorse this shit. Wait, is it gluten free?
Someone is reading Sunset magazine closely. Got any good recipes or backyard decorating ideas?
A few days back, Postsurf’s comment section’s in-house economic consultant Taj’s Burro had this to say on that matter:
“There is a reason it’s called Supply and Demand. And not the opposite…No, forward thinking people said, I’ll supply it. The demand will follow.”
While this was in relation to a different matter, I think that it syncs up very nicely with this post. On a side note, did anyone having any luck locating the careers section of their website? Clearly with a product like this, their potential for growth is unlimited.
haha!!!! amazing. The guys are such f**kin sell outs!
If it’s not Scottish, it’s crap, all crap.
And to think, Brucie’s wifie sells RE. And still they were both ripped a nice wide new one for a million or more.
Figures. Are not RE agents the same lame lobsters who continually flog such notions that, “now is the time to buy”!
“They are not making any more Real Estate”!!!
Jimmicane says: “Brain washing people is tough shit.”
Not really. See those right-wing nutjobs screaming and hollering like monkeys at the health care town hall meetings? I think the secret to making a ton of money is declaring that you’re a right-wing kook and starting a radio talk show. The right-wing sheep will line up and listen to everything you have to say because they can’t think for themselves.
Case in point: Mark and his 20 handles.
And to think, this mental giant Rastovich is so enamored with worthless bull crap that he has signed up and is currently promoting the ALGORE hype shit.
shit…..!? a nigga got get his anyway he can…now the iron’s bros cool mil has floated off to a numbered account in aruba, they still gotta pay the gdamn mortage to bernie madoff’s cousin on those hi-lux island homes……sign otto up! power balance changed my life…..!
Surfing Terrorist,
Your a cunt like Boxer. Do you stand behind that bitch? What about Rasta and Al Gore? Pelosi? Come on? Lie to me.
You’re no terrorist, your a blithering idiot.
If they’re not making any more RE, does that mean there will be no more demand?
Don’t you know asshole?
@BrodyStylez,
Supply always comes first.
Depending on the product, demand for said supply will vary.
Remember. You just graduated from college, so you have potential.
It will take awhile. But, I guarantee it. Living in the real world will begin to slowly sink in.
@doG,
no. there is no end yet to RE supply. But demand will vary.
Besides,
Earth First.
We’ll develop the other planets later.
Let’s see, what right wing anti-socialized healthcare nutjobs do we see repping the product…? Hmmm none that we know of, but we do know of at least one left wing global warming nut job that’s on the power balance train - D Rastovich. Lets keep it real, we know who the target demographic is for this and it’s not right-wingers…think the same crowd that believes in hope and change.
I am demanding a fat sack of purple nugs right now and nobody in Smyrna can supply me. Sucks.
@ Surfing Terrorist
Go away little green girl.
@TB
Not if these libs have their way. I mean, they’re trying to remove competition from medicine! If that happens, then no savvy, god-fearing businessman will have the incentive to supply the cure for cancer, and in turn the demand for this cure will never even have the chance develop!
I am not entirely sure what to make of that ‘real world’ comment, do you care to elaborate? I’ll go out on a limb and assume that it refers to what you presume to be my political affiliation, which I can assure you is not represented by any viable political party in the United States. However, I do not feel that this is the appropriate venue for such a discussion. I will reiterate that if you honestly believe that either political party has your best interests in mind, I’ll hook you up with sweet package deal to Tavarua, with a six pack of Power Balance so those mean comped pros can’t bogart all the waves you paid for.
it says on the packaging that power balance helps you beat jetlag and nausia
This shit got me laid, no questions asked.
Can it beat the nausia brought on by this?
No, Brody. Your political party matters not. It’s just that you are fresh college grad. An unless you were attending hard science classes exclusively, you may have been indoctrinated in pure left-wing looniness. have yet to experience the real world.
Good luck, And good on ya, Stylez.
Power bull crap should come with a mirror attached to the bottom of each packet. With simple instructions saying,
“Spot a dumb-arse. Turn packet over and have a go”.
Hey, if your wife looked like Andy’s or Rastovich’s you would be out pimping your ass to make enough money to keep her as well!
A punk has to do what a punk has to do! Girls like that don’t come cheep…
Rasta’s credibility level has dropped even further. Magnets, crystals, now holograms, and surfers who believe that how they see the world unfolding has validity for someone else. Another sign of the apocalypse. Or not.
At least Curren keeps his mouth shut.
now, now. let’s not go talking about college. Mark might feel unwanted.
All this talk about politics and the economy has gotten me wet. Since the birth certificate thing didn’t work it’s time for a good old fashioned lynching. Does Ocean & Earth make nooses? Those coloreds are taking over. At least we still have surfing. Thank god for that.
I just received my power balance sticker pack and it has truly changed my life. From the moment the pack arrived, it was as if the laws of the universe were annulled on my behalf. Yesterday it was raining in the morning but in the afternoon I put a power balance sticker on my new board and the sun came out. I couldn’t believe it either, I wasn’t expecting to see immediate results. Then today something totally unexpected happened. I checked the surf this morning and it was one foot and offshore. I cruised back home and was bored so I decided to put a power balance sticker on my kombi van, right next to my “Magic Happens” sticker. Roughly 37 minutes later the wind turned onshore and the swell started to pick up! I know what you’re thinking and you’re right, 37 is a prime number. That’s enough proof for me that the scientific team at power balance have tapped into a newly discovered transcendental universal force. Thankyou Power Balance, $59.95 for access to the secrets of the universe is a fair price. I’m going to put a sticker on my triple chamber bong and wait for the next miracle to materialize.
They will sell them. The same people that buy pet rocks and will purchase them.
looks like the holograms help you pull rad SWITCH frontside airs too. . . oh wait.
@ TB
Based on my observations, the whole liberal indoctrination thing is a myth. Most of upper division classes were economics, which is decidedly not hard science, and it is pretty easy to spot where the teachers loyalties lie. I would say it was pretty well balanced, but the sight of morbidly obese people buying 500lbs food with wic checks pretty much undid any liberal idealist indoctrination that I may have been put through.
The testimonials page really is good stuff. I don’t see how they could get all those notable athletes to lie about these holograms. But it has created a dillema for me. If pro jet-skier Tom Frigone says he feels more connected to his machine than ever, but the hologram also increases Rastovic’s powers of environmental protection, who wins when they finally square off?
I have a good friend with multiple sclerosis who could use a product like this. I think I’ll hide one in his cereal.
Lol, again at this post.
Andy, Bruce, Rasta, et al, look like and act like the gaggle of hags hawking trinkets at Lorraine Bracco’s Avon party in ‘Goodfellas.’ Maybe their next gig as Mary Kay spokespeople will net them a few more shekels.
@Brody & Taj’s Burro,
Bitches… please.
No really, please?
Where the FUCK is BigVileButthole?? Trying out his new magnetic cock ring, no doubt. Can we give this political economic bullshit a rest? Congratulations Brody Stylez for graduating college….now can you please go sodomize Sean Collins, BVB, Sla-oile, and surfing terrorist…HARD!!!
Ahhhhh. Another ice-cold sierra….here’s to BVB…..SUCKIN’ MY DICK AHHHHHHHRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
These things are so good that Andy is now a goofy-foot. Ooops, flipped the photo because they don’t know anything about surfing or 3-Time World Champs. Guess they didn’t wear their bracelets that day.
WHAT IN THE CUSTARD FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well guys, I have to admit something.
This damn Power Balance is the shizznizz. I know, I know - I didn’t believe it either when I first heard about it. I even made a few juvenile cracks about Andy, Rasta and the boys in the process (see above). But, you know something? There IS some alien power about holograms that sets a soul at ease. Like a succubus that feeds on all your negative energy. In other words, a coherent version of Butt Vibrator Bob… if you will.
The story goes like this:
A few moments ago, I myself, took a healthy gander at one of these holograms. Yesiree! And, fuck me standing if it didn’t take me awayyyback, to that first time I opened a Cracker Jack box and discovered my first toy prize. A holographic image of Judas Iscariot, I shit you not!!! From that moment forward, I was a prize fanatic. Lucky Charms boxes, Happy Meals, Mark’s mother’s panty drawer… you name it. The cathartic release of seeing a prize, (one that makes your innards do the heebilly jeebillys no less), is one to latch on to… “lesson number one,” as papa Rottmouth used to say.
Anyway, the moral of this short story is this:
Power Balance will make your favorite tasty beverage taste like lumber. It will give you the ability to surf on your own cock. Think of that! No more foam, fiberglass, and Elmer’s glue… the ultimate Green! Green is, as you all well know, the new boner.
Moreover, Power Balance will give you the will to overcome your darkest urges - like humping potted meat. And while Death may ride a pale horse, he may only do so after you’ve stared at your hologram long enough for Him to pick up your dry cleaning.
Power Balance may even give one the powerful desire to relieve one’s bowels in someone else’s dryer at the Laundromat. A holistic experience unmatched at even the most whole of food-like stores. But in the end, your greatest glory will undoubtedly be your orgasm after squat-fucking a traffic cone while canon-balling off Raimana’s World. Go ahead and scoff. Raimana KNOWS!
Speak Truth to Power Balance.
I am Blasphemy Rottmouth, and I approve this message.
Hey, take it easy on Power Balance products you wrenchless pussies. I know for a fact that if the Calypso Tumblers had not been sponsored by Power Balance, they never would have made it to the Finals of America’s Got Talent.
Don’t believe me, then see for yourself….Dance Monkey Dance!
I’m selling geckotape traction pads for $3600 per sq. in.
Slaters got one and rasta smoke his with his crazy dad. They work like cement on your feet
a couple of my buddies sell power balance, that makes it cool. I’m calling them right now so they can defend themselves, bitches.
@hasselhoof
i know the guy at 1:17 uses them
Did I mention the fact that I once played the power gong for the super-group ‘Jehova’s Wetness?’
Don’t believe me?
Check it, mate:
Iron bros fisrt band
@ BR
Those people walking in front of the Jehova’s Wetness stage were going to get their Power Balance stickers so they could really enjoy the sweet smooth sounds. How else would you know?
is it the death of the sport or just the death of three washed up loonies surfing careers I’m smelling? Could it just be the embers of A.I.s twisted career smoldering after this sell out?
So what’s worse? Andy and Bruce selling their souls to supplement a dwindling income by taxing loony leftists kooks who buy these tinfoil chakras from mollusk before another hell hot session at Malibolinas or Rasta who truly bellieves in his little mermaid heart that these things work?
I guess after getting “Madoffed” the Irons boys figure that if everyones a con man they might as well join in.
One things for sure: I’d give my last cold beer to hear the shit they talk about Rasta on the ride home from the tinfoil pinwheel company meeting.
Brucey can do a mean parody of that dolphin fucker I’d guess.
Fuck me, I need a strong drink to take the taste of this from my mouth if I’m ever gonna surf again.
The sport is fucked.
“Helps keep me centered and focused”
Not the bruce we know.
And by looney leftist kooks, I’m sure you mean those who laid bare, Mrs. Palin’s iron-clad qualifications for Second-In-Command of the United M’Fuckin’ States of America, BEFORE the elections.
The powerful gust of dusty wind you just heard whistling past you lobes was my anal relief.
In case you were wondering.
Otherwise, carry on with you cake-farting.
And btw/
I have the under on the Vegas line that Mrs. Palin’s nude photos, and / or sex video, is two years.
Go ahead. Man up, and take the over you right wing Klan fellators.
Reminds me of a friend of mine who is into chiropractic adjustments and sleeping on a bed of magnets. His maternal influence is Japanese. So obviously, he’s qualified in Zen and could verify if this is a fraud. I’ll suggest he put some stickers on his Brita. For $60 it couldn’t hurt his surfing.
Holy shit! I just discovered that every time I type the word “your;” the spooge stains on the letter ‘R’ on my keyboard freezes up…
… and before I knew it, I’d posted a BVB-esque comment.
*sigh*
At least my point was salient enough that right-wingers will be able to read it through their menstrual-blood filled Palin-goggles.
Where did that Dutch bitch go? God bless his sister. I need a prostitute and something to smoke.
I never liked his second wife.
WOW lewis, tell me something i don’t know. Pro surfers? Sell outs? Noo you don’t say.
@ otto von jizzalot
Glad my deluxe homes on Aruba have inspired you so much for you to come here and submit about them. And yes even if included in a comment section ran by “surfers” discussing gay wrist bands, stickers etc
@ Dr Evil? U missed me you buttfucker? Are you still getting arrested for that excuse of a weed you sporadically get your griddy little claws on? u sad fuck. I smell bacon around the corner. Quick! under the seat!
I find it funny that most people here know every little detail of the person they despise so much and are basically obsessed fans. o sean collins said this, bla bla….Dave rastovich humped this & that whale, (with his risband on by the way) Sadly, in love with what you hate.
But ye ridiculous product. move on. I have a feelings you guys are old, slow, balding and don’t surf. Why is that?
is it just me or is andy goofy in that shot on the power balance ad?
Nothing to do with Power Balance, but check this video on ASL. Pure comedy.
Click on: ASP-Rebel Tour wars.
For those fans of animation out there, watch this. You will not be disappointed. Yes, there is surfing in it!
MY TOYS
I know someone else already flagged this one, but it’s worth putting it out there again…
Even amongst “extreme” sports enthusiasts, surfing is a hard sell. So, how does anyone expect middle America to get as excited about it as they do for tennis, golf or boxing, let alone the big 3 of football, basketball or baseball? Without going as “extreme” as the author of the article, surfing will never be big on TV unless it’s tow-ins or tow-ats in consequential surf.
No matter what Tour it’s on, no matter which channels broadcast it, with whatever fancy graphics and knowledgeable commentators, no matter what format you use, how many times the guys surf, the judging criteria, etc. there are only three “normal” waves in the world capable of producing exciting enough action to thrill Joe Q. Public (Sunset, Pipeline, and Teahupoo) where you can run a contest. Pretty much everyplace else, if you don’t already surf, you can’t really understand or appreciate what’s going on in the water.
Uber-cliché, I know, but “only a surfer knows the feeling”. The saving grace or the eternal bane of our favorite sport/pastime/hobby/art form/way of life?
So cool you have all the answers, however, there are things in this world you might not understand. Not everything can be explained by swamp gas and weather balloons. Where did you get your degree, University of Brady Bunch?
I ride for power balance. Bra that shit’s for realz. Just cause it’s made in china don’t mean it don’t work.
Ghosts are real though and you can’t see those . . .
BVB rocks da house. You custard latte drinking fuckers that never learned how to trim can’t handle it when someone calls out the truth on your need to be seen in a scene. The truth lies between the seams, in the nooks and crannies. where when it lights up, the boys in the know get with the flow. Not by calling all their bros or having the session filmed by their ho. My name’s not Dude and I’m not your bro. Pack it up and move back to Ohio or Colorado.
You custard latte drinking fuckers that never learned how to trim can’t handle it when someone calls out the truth on your need to be seen in a scene. The truth lies between the seams, in the nooks and crannies. where when it lights up, the boys in the know get with the flow. Not by calling all their bros or having the session filmed by their ho. My name’s not Dude and I’m not your bro. Pack it up and move back to Ohio or Colorado.
Wow, only two fucking people (mp, and jgood) noticed Andy as a goofyfooter…
Johnny-come-lately’s ! All of you !
@ Mailman that video was hilarious. I also enjoyed “Hitler’s Surf Trip is Ruined”. The line about the S.U.P’s, to funny.
Caligirl, yeah those little Aussie buggers over at ASL can be an entertaining bunch sometimes.
these guys are genius. they will probably make some cash, after all there are a lot of suckers out there. case in point; i was driving through a parking lot when i noticed almost every car there had a mona vie sticker. in case you don’t know what that is it’s a pyramid scheme where you sell some drink that contains magic berries. anyway they were all having some kind of meeting at sizzler. i bet all those mona vie people would buy the balance hologram stickers.
cheers
there are purple nugs in florida?j/k jeff
He is surfing goofy? WTF WOW power balance gives you ability to boost switch grab airs? I’m sold
Iʻm one of those “amazing” surfers and I surf the beach too. No secret anymore - you can find me soul-styling the tip inside the cove. Go to SURFPULSE and write about your bitchenʻ sesh brah!
Gay blog, gay website, ultra gay commentary not worth a shit.
Good video links Mailman. I don’t care who you are. That shit was funny right there.
Andy is the new Vince from Sham Wow.
Rastovich is still dumb as a rock.
But, with the tutorage of ALGORE, he working on it.
He’s about to graduate to the level of tree stump.
Mailmania, the AS freaking P already uses tow outs. So what’s the big deal. Going to the next step, if thats what it takes, will be there.
It will be supplied.
Keep up tell good work, Mailie.
Keep posing and proving that the AS freaking P is stocked to the gunnels with luddites and tossers.
Elmo would totally wear that Power Balance shit if it meant Elmo could fuck hot mermaid bitches.
Elmo thinks BVB is really just a big bleeding vagina.
@otto von jizzalot
would you please answer Sarah’s question? Is the word guzzle exclusive to jizz? Figured you would certainly know.
that’s some Hidekei Irabu magnet shit right there.
“Hugh G. Rection says:
August 6, 2009 at 6:13 pm
Surfing Terrorist,
Your a cunt like Boxer. Do you stand behind that bitch? What about Rasta and Al Gore? Pelosi? Come on? Lie to me.
You’re no terrorist, your a blithering idiot.”
Only politician I genuinely like is Obama. He’s a good man, and I’m beyond happy that he’s our President.
The rest of them suck (Rasta? Why the fuck would I have any interest in him?), but let me ask you: Who would you replace the politicians you mentioned with? Mitch McConell? John Boner? Sarah Fucking Falin? Make me laugh.
Go back to sucking Rush Limbaugh’s teet Mark/Ludwig Von Mises. It’s full of stupidity, just the way you like it.
Checkout the “rebel” video in Mailman’s post. The Rebel commander- think it’s Lewis! Holy shit, that’s what he was up to on that sketchy Aussie “surf trip” a couple months back. So the ASP-bashing has all been by design- he’s gone to the dark side, shouldn’t have interviewed Slater at Mundaka, must have been when the reprogramming happened-
I witnessed the demo somewhere. Trade show, contest… cant remember exactly.
Being the skeptic that I am I was giddy at the opportunity to rip a hole in the demo.
First without the magic sticker he would push down and slightly away from the victims body. Causing the person to lean towards the con man. With the magic sticker in place he would only push straight down.
Didnt have to be a genius to see the physics at work here. Yet he still had a flock of gullibites marveling at its powers like a cavemen with a box of matches. (Even after I called the guy out)
People just need a little magic in their lives I guess…
Wow…………..surfing terrorist would like to go to the country of Islam to get his healthcare because after dumbass Obama is done with it nobody in this entire country will be able to get anything done in a timely manner. You clearly are an ignorant fool who works for a cardboard box company. Take it from a doctor you fools, you dont want Obamas healthcare plan.
Lol @ people who think they’re going to change other people’s political leanings on a surfing blog. That’s like trying to convince Butt Vibrator Bob to write a coherent comment.
The next time I tune into Whale Wars, I expect to see hologram stickers everywhere on the Steve Irwin. By not sharing the miracle of Power Balance with Paul Watson and his crew, Rastovich would be giving the Japanese whalers a decidely unfair advantage.
decidely = decidedly
surfing-non terrorist-
Bet dumbass Obama can spell “surfing non-terrorist”. Dumbass fool.
Andy is regular foot again on the Power balance site. Seems they have some johnny on the spot admins.
100! You cacksuckin’ kangaroo fuckers!
Or they just put one of those damn holo’s on the server.
Speaking of Whale Wars, what a joke. How’s that quak crew aboard the Steve Irwin ??? Are the chicks on board there to cry or work ? The Deadliest Catch guys are seriously laughing their asses off at this shit. The only good thing about that show is watching ice-laden swell roam up to Bells.
Top ten best uses for Power Balance stickers:
10) Indo Board with Sam George(. . . duh)
9) Speed-Twittering with JOB
8) Wedge exploits on your SUP
7) Hacky Sack with the Hobgoods, Jennifer Baker Hinton, & Thayer Sylvester in the Bolinas parking lot
6) CHEK training with Mick Fanning and Philippe Petite
5) shaping and riding your next alaia (also good for taking fuzzy photos of both activities)
6) riding PERFECT cloudbreak with Jon Roseman
5) playing the POSTSURF drinking game I invented
4) “riding” sea turtles (with or without Andrew Mooney)
3) drinking a Sobe “Life Water” with Karina Petroni (imagine your elevated steez levels with Life Water and Power Balance . . . ch.)
2) Making “art” with Drew Brophy (or, “love” with Drew’s wife–Posca pens optional in either activity)
. . . and, the #1 use for Power Balance stickers is:
1)Jiu Jitsu with Joel Tudor (recommended sticker placement: Joel Tudor’s nut sack)
@ John: The Whale Wars crew is approximately 95% inept. I think Surfline does a better job protecting th sanctity of surf spots than The Steve Irwin does of protecting the whales.
Hey Mark, ask our troops how they like their government health plan. You won’t get complaints from them, just as you won’t get complaints from the vast majority of Americans who will see their health care bills plummet.
Right-wing kooks = jeebus lovin fascists
anybody ever see that video of dave rastovich on the sea shepherd. he quickly realized he might have to do some work and bailed on them. then he went to japan to stop the killing of dolphins which was hard to watch, but it seems that he has bailed on that too. now it seems he is on to other things like promoting balance holograms. or this crap which he will quickly forget about…http://www.surfline.com/surf-news/environmental-news/david-rastovich-to-attend-al-gore-climate-project_28296/ seriously this guy is a clown. also, i hate to repeat myself but power balance will be successful with all the gullible morons out there. just look at the guys selling and buying crap like mona vie. come on.
i’m getting barca muscle milk and a power balance bracelet…watch out
so surfing terroist works at a carboard box company and thats why he has no insurence? ohhhhhhhhh now i get it……… go back to the land locked place you came from you fucking kook, i better never see your sorry ass in the water
If Obama’s plan for Government Healthcare™ was all that, why is it that the House of Representatives, every member of the Senate, as well as President Barry-O and his family will not participate in said government plan? Opting out for their own private plan.
Katy Lied.
I used to be interested in surfing, but after reading all the smart people talking about how Obama’s secret plan is to ruin America, I’m getting smarter too. Please keep filling me with your genius-ness!!!
Surfing is for people who don’t know how to spot America-haters.
In light of the other shit fuck product hypsters attempt to talk you into, and these recent results from Billy May’s autopsy report, seems that Andy,, Bruce, and RATovich might have suffered from self disillusion.
The faked up temporary results that Power Balance may have provided had nothing to do with the whatever the shit ingredient they were flogging.
Yes, Andy. RATovich.
Just like Billy Mays real world. It was nothing but the coke, prescription drugs and booze.
Cut out the middleman. Save on commissions. Save on the heavy mark-up of bogus products flogged on the internet and or tele.
Call your doctor.
Can’t we all just get a lunch?
Dr Wu?- as in “the real doctor” surfing-non terrorist?
Lets see, the President goes to Walter Reed Army Medical Center for his annual checkups- sounds like our tax dollars at work- but I know the facts don’t matter. I’d like the same coverage but at this point an early season NW swell will do much for my mental and physical health.
@surfckeck,
He is lovely, yes he’s sly
And you’re an ordinary guy
BTW, both houses of Congress also op out of paying into Social Security. Instead investing in their own private retirement plan.
-Dr Wu.
Dr. Wu, you are totally opening my mind to the truth. I’m giving up surfing to focus on full time Obama hating!!! Anyone who doesn’t is a socialist!!!
Dr Wu-
OK, its just the Congress- I understand. I would like to apply for the same coverage. Do you think they will accept me with my pre-existing surf injurys?- not to mention my impending cirroshis of the liver?
Thanks and I’m waiting for the application- meanwhile I’ll drag my mysilf down to the beach and surf 1ft onshore slop until either a NW swell or a new medical plan comes in-
“I’ve seen much of the rest of the world. It is brutal and cruel and dark, Rome is the light.”
surfcheck, first you have to get elected.
as to cirrhosis of the liver and House and Senate’s heath care plan…
if their plan accepts any number of government drunks, including the Kennedy clan, (hmmm. i wonder if old Ted’s auto insurance is covered? or if he ever was dropped from his insurance plan)…. the Nixons, etc, they are not rejecting anyone.
just think of all those custard fucks with cirrhosis of the brain populating the House and Senate.
they are covered for that too.
Dr. Wu is Mark. Fucking beyond obvious, kook thinks he can trick people with his fake handles. Classic.
Obama isn’t on any health plans you dumb fuck, he’s the POTUS. Has a doctor following him wherever he goes.
I don’t give a shit about Congress because they don’t have term limits. And I’ve seen my health plan become far more expensive over the past decade with fewer and fewer options. System seems to be working just fine. Not.
Surfing terrier,
Nope, I am not Mark.
The House of Representatives write and pass all laws. ALL OF THEM.
So, if it’s all that, why are they, like they have done with Social Security, not including themselves and the Senate in this proposed health care law?
As to healthcare….. nothing free. If you want it go buy it.
Yes, nothing free.
Not even custard pie or Power Balance.
“As to healthcare….. nothing free. If you want it go buy it.”
Yes, but buy it from whom? Health Insurance companies that are collectively raising prices, limiting options and judging based on pre-existing conditions?
If a government plan exists that provides better options at a cheaper price, I’ll gladly take that. Plus it’ll force Health Insurance companies to be more honest with their service.
OK. Rastovich, the Irons Bros… yada yada, yada, I’m sold.
Yo have to have heaps of admiration for our nation’s scam artists and their continual rise to ever more heights of bull crap products. Honestly, you have to admire the amoral chutzpah of these people in their heroic efforts to separate fools from their money.
It’s probably best to reckon that the scam artist pull all that money, ’cause they will just blow it on high living.
The fools would probably buy something dangerous.
This is the result of Lewis’ growing apathy towards his site: Political bantering.
Lewis, get back on the train, your site’s starting to lag.
Wu fuckwit- Yes I agree private insurance is best please sign me up or shut the fuck up about how great it is. It’s disturbing how many right wingnuts there are here, are you actually surfers or not?- I’m waiting for a swell. I love the ocean. I imagine Mr Wu on a log at San Onofre (but respects to SanO locals). If I wanted oil wells in my back yard I’d move to SB where this last south at Sandspit looked off the chart. Start working for your surf break instead of parroting the bullshit partisan crap on every channel, were you assigned to Postsurf? Fuckoff-
Lewis: It’s time to stop jacking around with snarky, ephemeral blog bilge. Get back in the game and produce something worth reading. Sean Doherty proves it’s possible. His Parko profile in the latest Surfer is good journalism.
Pretty big IF there, ST.
Forget health care as a right. How often does one actually need heath care on a day to day basis?
What is more basic than food? We need food everyday. All day. I demand that food become a right. Damn, companies must collectively, limit options, raise the prices of that stuff all the time.
The market place is just not working at all. And I cannot wait for all of the varietal options that come from the day when all restaurants are run as government collectives.
Imagine all the options and choices.
Surfing Terrier,
How quaint. How left over chicken wing of you. After voicing ones own opinions, when one cannot discuss or defend their views effectively, one calls for an all out editing, monitoring, and or censoring of a site’s comment section.
Heh.
I reckon it’s deadset apples.
Check Lewis’s unique user numbers.
Quantcast.
Compete
Alexa.
He’s gone monsta with this site!
Inspired by Blasphemy Rottmouth’s bloggie site,
In the video below, replace the Hillary character’s lines with Dave Mailman. Replace the references to Barack with what the AS freaking P is coining, the new “Rebel Tour”.
As Blasph suggests, let you imagination do the rest.
@ Vanilla Wafer Custard Pudding Bastard Fuckery
bobo ain’t got no parking lot. Just sayin
I like turtles.
Dr. Wu: Go jerk off to Sarah Falin. Only thing she’s worth for.
@Dr. Wu and the furious right-wingers:
Let’s find some middle ground whereon we can all stand with our boners held high.
Despite the fact that Sarah Palin is a gibbering moron, we’d all like to spackle her bare bottom with talcum powder. I know it’s a small token, but it’s a start.
Learn to compartmentalize, angry wingnuts. It’s how I got through 8 years of Bush.
Besides, have you seen those left leaning ahem, and I use the word lightly, “female” politicians?
Not one even CLOSE to bangable in the whole flippin bunch.
A complete cargo ship load of marshmallow dikes.
In all reality, it’s not so much they are left leaning, more that they are all left WEARING female pols. The whole lot of ‘em.
Surfing Terrier,
tell us, if you are not wanking it to Sarah, name the lefto lesbies that you’d tug yer old tweezerable teddy to?
Oye. Just in case you did not yet already know it,
Twitter is fuckin’ GAY.
this is boring. i long for the old days.
Mark, there’s a name for it. Get some help.
Cainotophobia
Either Taj, Bobby or Slater will win Trestles.
And another thing. Post Surf needs some new sort of spark. And I am too busy with my new business-life to generate that spark. Not that anyone here cares about me. I am not kidding myself believe me.
It gets to be too much being the only conservative type in a crowd like this. Thing is if we all sat down for a couple hours and answered a list of questions, with as little political slant added in as possible, and we all had a rational discussion, then I would bet that everyone here would be a lot closer in beliefs-opinions than percieved.
Same goes for the country-world etc. etc. As my dad used to say ” people are people”. Despite all the influences we had as individuals growing up, wherever we grew up , we are all just human beings trying to achieve those illusive goals of mankind. To be happy, to love and to be loved. Simple.
BR,
Anyone on the left should thank former President Bush. Just as I also thank former President Clinton.
Yes, Bill Clinton, who signed into law the largest Supply Side tax cut in our nation’s history. The Taxpayer Relief Act of 1997.
The law which provided among other tax relief, massive cuts in capital gains rates, slashing the death tax tremendously, as well as a tax cut in which every homeowner was afforded the opportunity to keep $500,000, tax free, from the sale of their house.
Yes, like I thank former President Clinton, you should also thank former President G W Bush. Who under his regime, I lucky to have sold my lucrative business, was taxed at very low capital gains rates, allowing me to keep more of my hard earned money, reinvesting it and making even more, so now President Obama can tax my even greater pile at a higher rate, allowing all the slackers to have at it.
God bless the USA.
@Mark,
I’m sorry, were there not enough conservative forums over at the Yahoo message boards for you? FoxNews comment forums not waxing your schtick?
This is a surfing blog that occasionally touches on political subjects. You constantly bring up tired political bullet points that are meant to generate responses from those (myself, occasionally included) who can’t see through your lazy act.
You long for the old days, but dude, they aren’t resurrecting slavery or internment camps anytime soon, so suck it up, and deal.
No offense, but your incessant whining is beginning to make my 70 year old Aunt menstruate again.
@Dr. Wu,
Do you like turtles too?
Just watched the Alana Blanchard porno….HEAVY!!!!!
@GOT IT
Don’t EVER tease my cock like that again, ya here me?
bout to watch the anastasia ashley & alana blanchard lesbian scene too!!!!!!
@Everyone
Please ignore the creeping stain on the front of my knickers at this moment…
… it’s only a flesh wound.
nobody rips here. politics. O.K i’ll say this. George bush was the “idiot” who will go down in history as THE “moron” would take the blame. IRAQ is now Americanized thanks to this ( it cost you billions, the blood of innocent children etc etc, BUT you did take over. Better running deals on fuels, a big blow to islam etc etc. Let Obama play the role of change. Without Bush there would never be this feeling for “Change” in the first place you idiots. It’s actually rather brilliant, 8 years of an American reputation ruined and now a classic move to win over hearts and minds of the international public, WITH the fossil fuels, and an American base in the heart of the middle east. Genius. i must admit. I am not an American, but if I’d have to choose between the Chinese, Russian or Middle-eastern powers?. Well show me to the next Mc Donalds, and gas up my polar melting engine of my yeehaw truck. So yea.. blue, red, donkey or elephant..it doesn’t matter. but for gods’s sake work on your healthcare…O wait Obama is on it already..admit you guys, the planned exchange between blue or red makes a “killer” combination. but like i said.. by default.. fuck the rest. America rules in my book. This is the truth.
man I impress myself with my writing
i am waiting for the first idiot who disagrees with me.
Keep waiting fucktard. SmyrnaJeff, broooo, sooooooo goood. Dude, for sure broooooo. So nugs. Like, frothing soooo hard on some purple nugs. Fer sure, bro.
@ GOT IT:
sla-oile,
Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan extremist islamic nazis. muslim nutters crashing planes into US buildings, as well as worldwide attacks. DId you have any friends in any of the bombed out Bali nightclubs?
Yes, its nothing new.
Google it. The Barbary Wars. BTW, there were two of them.
Dr Wu/Mark, the latest terrorists arrested in North/South Carolina were white.
It must suck to be a right-wing loony kook. All your crazy representatives are in the minority with no power. So your kind acts like animals, screaming and hollering about how helping others is bullshit because those who need help are all slackers!
Haha sucks to be in your shoes. Loser.
I nominate Rasta for a PBA — post birth abortion. hopefully performed by dolphins.
im drunk.
Just as was John Walker Lindh, and Adam Yahiye Gadahn, those “white” NC terrorists were left wing loopsters.
BTW, The latest mega terrorist top leader, Baitullah Mehsud, taken out by a drone with a missile in Pakistan.
All completed with President Obama as Commander In Chief. Heh.
This shit looks insane. Thanks Lew-dawg.
@sla-olie why dont you move to the states then you fucking redneck! go and live the dream!!! good luck!
LOL…Ahh Rasta I wish I could see the world through the same Rose colored shades your wearing. My parents are crystal rubbing hippies that would no doubt stick one of these on their boards. The fact that people think they work make them work. Pain? Balence? Those things are mostly in your head. Certain people need fish on their bumpers, others need funny hats and old books, some need stickers made in china. I usually need a juicy wave or a shot.
@ epoxy brown…..i’ve heard guzzle can be an issue with orange county fans of rufus wainwright….or so sarah says, she’s a swallower….JB
Rasta is actually an alright guy. I spent a good hour talking to him during a Billy promo. I get him better now. Easy to hate on him.
As for all the other power balance shvt… and everything else bastardizing surfing and all the other custard fvckery, here ya go.
…………………./´¯/)
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…………./´¯/’…’/´¯¯`·¸
………./’/…/…./……./¨¯\
……..(’(…´…´…. ¯~/’…’)
………\……………..’…../
……….”…\………. _.·´
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These things do work…Try the test and then try it again w/o the hologram….You do stretch further. Try it again w/o the hologram and you go back to the original distance…..Some call BS but the proof is in the pudding. Sounds too good to be true and that’s why most people bag on it.
EFX works even better. I was more skeptical than most but have become a believer in I don’t know what… Just because we are not familiar with the technology doesn’t mean it doesn’t work. I am sure when the Wright brothers said they could fly most people could not comprehend it.
Open your minds you F’ing kooks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Buying a Power Balance product is like placing a self imposed stupidity tax on yourself…wish I had thought of this idea-modern day snake oil I love it!
Try it you haters i bet 99% of you net “surfers” struggle to paddle let alone surf good enough to knock some of the worlds best. Powerbalance works the earth is full of magnetic forces if any of you take the time to learn that you may just be impressed at this product.Im sure many of you have invested in a Firewire or some fancy Future fins or even your favourate pros grip pad but im sure time & time again you negative web “surfers” have come in upset. Try something different & if its not for you go grab some Hurley nike shorts or maybe a …Lost fish that will make you rip for sure
Based on your choice of words and fixation on the use of this product for surfing, it is clear that you are not well educated regarding the science or application of the technology. I encourage you to educate yourself before an attempt to defame something you have no reason, save your ignorance, to question. It may be to your personal benefit in general to make a habit of pursuing knowledge about things you question rather than make blind assumptions. Scepticism is wise, but neglecting to educate yourself is lazy and foolish. Regarding Power Balance, if you take my recommendation to research what you’re writing about, you may be surprised and pleased to understand what it is, why and how it works, and benefit from it yourself.
“The doorstep to the temple of wisdom is a knowledge of our own ignorance.” -C. H. (Charles Haddon) Spurgeon
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Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
Do you know where I can find any leads in NJ
A seriously excitingpublish- but one I cannot say yeswith I’m afraid.
Im not that much of a reader to be honest but your sites pretty good, keep it up as I will bookmark ready for my next read
I’ll be back again, thanks for the info.
Good theory. I love it. Many thanks for posting