Mothers of Invention

Posted by lewis on August 19, 2009 at 9:13 pm.

We're living in a golden age of technological surf innovation.  From Alaias to Diamond Dobby boardshorts, it seems each new day brings an equipment breakthrough that pushes performance surfing boldly into the future.

Today I'd like to spotlight a few products that are sure to change the way we surf:

1) Starr Surf Skis

Have you ever wished you could be a rollerblader of the ocean?  Do you dream of becoming a mythical creature that is part SUPer, part GoatBoater, part Skier, and all douche?  Well then Starr's Surf Skis are for you!


I'll let Vermont Sports explain:

Jason Starr received a U.S. patent this past February for a new sport he invented called surf skiing, which uses waves as a force for skiing. At the core of the invention is Starr’s belief that surfing and skiing share a bond as originals in the world of action sports, both rooted in rich cultures and ancient histories, and both fueled by timeless sources of peace and power—the ocean and the mountains. They co-exist harmoniously on the snow, and the relationship now extends to the surf.

Since Mr. Starr literally has a patent on this sport, you'll have to visit him in Lake Champlain to learn, where he offers lessons.  Wifebeater, waders, and visor not included in lesson price.

2) Denno Pop

I think the best way to sum up this product is with a testimonial from their website:

I want to thank you for inventing the DPop. Yesterday I used my DPop at Surfrider beach. What I found is that the support under my chest actually allowed me to catch twice the amount of waves as I usually do. Normally when paddling into a wave I have to rely on my hips to balance the board but with the DPop the balance control was improved. Also my girlfriend has used the DPop for 3 days now and has caught more waves than she ever has...

Sincerely, Kevin Rosenbloom


The DPop site goes on to note that "The DPop can help anyone who'd like to improve their paddle; from the very beginner to the very advanced.  Just remember, you'll be so easily catching waves, let your fellow surfer enjoy the break too..."

Not convinced yet?  Then check out this video of the DPop in action.

3) Surf the Ring


I've seen this wavepool concept before, and if Matthew McConaughey got Bill Gates stoned and convinced him to build one, it might be pretty fuckin' cool. Dude.

Until then, we're left with the pitch-video of inventor Kevin Roberts.

This might just be one of the finest promotional videos I've seen in a quite some time.  Please take a moment to enjoy it in its entirety - it's quite relaxing.   As Mr. Roberts notes, "The way that you lose this race is by wiping out... and the wipe outs will be spectacular!”

Thanks to PostSurf readers for the product suggestions.


  • andre breton says:


    and its still not enough

  • skinny says:

    i just watched a ripple go around in a pool of dirty water behind what appears to be a meth house. i want their drugs then i can picture fitting into that tiny ripple and its endless possibilities too.

  • What happens if you fall off in the wave pool ring?

    In ‘The Ring’ the brown-eye of Saruman is always watching you. And by ‘Saruman,’ I mean Shreddy Roosevelt.

  • Shredder says:

    probably the hardest i’ve laughed in a long time.

  • gene gadera says:

    ski dude is killing it with his boots and bindings. is that lake champlain at 1′? looks risky over 1.2′

  • kyle says:

    Oh my god that was the worst thing I have ever seen. Lets ruin our lives as surfers by letting people who cant even paddle learn to surf and capitalize on it. We surf because of the feeling but yet because of the adventure, traveling learning to deal with the elements not to sit at raging waters and do a hack on a wanna be wave. Any one can learn to do a turn after a hundred tries on the same exact wave. This isn’t basketball and hopefully most of us don’t want our sport to be “main stream”. We spend our lives dodging good jobs and other responsibilities to to be on it when the waves are good and to travel to places where we wont be near people that just want to say” yeah I’m a surfer dude”

  • Dirty Whore says:

    Waiting for tow-ins of ski dude at shipstern before I invest. Or maybe I’ll wait till the next gear guide on surfline written by one of the serf fuckwitts.

  • Billa Wrong says:

    Resurrection?…Has AI’s dealer, Billy Mayes, returned from the dead hawking NASCAR-style surfing….The phone lines are open!

  • james Lull says:

    Have any of them, or did all three simultaneously call the Irons Bros?

    Those bone heads will throw cash at anything.

  • Dirty Whore says:

    The Ring is essentially what Mr. Kelly Slater envisions for our future. Just without the Magnum PI/hippie from beavis and butthead who says mmmkayy.

  • Dirty Whore says:

    Necessity is the mother of invention. Who needs this shit?

  • Taj's Burro™ says:

    Leave to some French Canadian douchnozzle… So, they have this piece of surfing product shit pie…

    Still, nothing beats this one.

    Especially in the hands of some Bah hah Ranian.

  • Billa Wrong says:

    This is how you will actually feel surfing with the Starr Surf Ski..I shit you not.

  • Regulatin Mo Fo Biyaieeettch says:

    I’m back and I am here to fuckin THROW! Bring it you Post Surf Anonymous posting pusses!!!!!!!


    Crusty Native S.U.P.’s Capitola. True story.

  • yakas says:

    i think the ring would be incredible for a wave pool. but scaling up fluidity doesn’t always work is. none the less, that makes me want to smoke salvia and strobe the ring - please place your inevitably crass assumptions below

  • Wagner Wolfhurst says:

    @ Dirty Whore.

    You’re thinking of Mr. Van Driesen (sp?)

    I shouldn’t know that, but for some fuckwits sake, I do.

    “C’mon guys, mmmkay.”

    These inventions really do encompass all things douche. There really is no better way of putting it.

    I’m especially impressed w/ the aquatic fruit boots. Strap these babies on and attract the attention of all drooling idiots within a 200 yard stretch. Wow, I’m all for creativity, but at some point it just goes beyond and into the realm of sheer idiocy.

  • jiggy jig says:

    serioiusly, how do you even find this shit? Goat-skis? That’s the last straw.

    The ring has potential though. As wave pools go. Hate to admit it but it makes more sense than the toilet plunger wave pools made so far. Even if the creator is Charlie Mansons son.

    Bring on the Irons bros and pimp this shit. They could become champion fudge ring goat-ski racers

  • jiggy jig says:

    Maybe they could put a giant A.I. power pyramid pinwheel in the middle of the ring to spread the energy and have ultimate fighting challenges on mayan sacrificial alter in the center. Oily men in Da Hui shorts sliding their hands up each others cracks and sniffing ring? Add strippers on poles around the outside collecting ones from the crowd while racers get extra points for paddle slapping their asses as they fly by? Tie it in with an electron accelerator underground and get cosmic powers? The possibilities are warping my feeble mind. You’ve done it this time Lewis. I’ll never sleep tonight. Too excited by the future. This is where Kelly needs to invest his money.

  • After careful examination, we were able to extract the following dialogue from the edited remnants of the Surf Ring infomercial:

    “So that’s when I decided hey, I’m tired of working to make other people rich. I’m going to work for myself! And 10 years later, here I am. Self-employed and free, making that proverbial cash. Ha, ha, ha… yep. Oh look, this gentlemen has a camera. What is it the negroes do in the music videos? Upside-down C!”


    “Hey, where are you going? Is ‘negro’ not the appropriate nomenclature? ‘Colored’? African American? Come back Sharita! These camera lights ain’t gonna light thayselves, y’hear?”

    “Ah fuck it. Another Miller Lite over here please.”

  • jiggy jig says:

    Wait, wait, we need to somehow work a “green” sewage treatment plant into the mix and add corn syrup and bottle the water to sell in Japan……and, and, and, I’m frothing, just pure froth…Get me Rastovich on line one…..Turtles as speed bump hazards and maybe spongers too……it’s fucking endless, endless I tell you….it’s a perfect ring, a perfect ring, ….more perfect than Alana Blanchards pink starfish…..maybe, maybe, maybe that’s the winners prize…..must stop thinking, must stop thinking……..

  • jiggy jig says:

    B.R. is on to something, call Tiger Woods,…..Get Nike involved,…. Bring back Laird and the aquasock ™…..

  • “So that’s when I stumbled upon a robust man who went by the name of Kevin Roberts. At first, I was apprehensive to approach a man of such an intimidating stature. But, in the heat of the Roman style orgy, his briefs were lowered ever so lightly. It was then that his mighty spear was revealed. Its’ base held up firmly with the notorious “Surfing Cock Ring” pictures I had witnessed numerous times before.

    After a few minutes of my drool and awe filled gaze - I gathered my composure and let Kevin fuck my mouth. He thought I was female; as it was dark, and my hair was at considerable length. I was fine with that. I wasn’t going to tell him, lest he be disgusted and neglect me of a proper throat job.”

    uhh… that’s a great story, but what happens if you fall off?

  • jiggy jig says:

    Gwen Stefani just called,… She says that if the Chili Peppers are in and wearing nothing but Nike socks on their drug shriveled non-specific genitalia then she is down for performing on stage seven…. this is gonna be huge, huge I tell you. Someone call Adam Ant…

  • World's Biggest Dick says:

    Wow! I wish I had one of those rings thingys…you know, …for my cock!

  • fml says:

    i’m going to powerbalance my surf skis up and surf the ring.

  • D Pop says:

    What’s going to happen when a Laird activist takes those skii’s into a real wave? With two separate (exceedingly buoyant) floats, heavy bindings, and the unawareness/ignorance of a SUP extremist, those things are going to dislocate both knees every time they tip over. That guy should be imprisoned for inventing something both dangerous and extremely gay at the same time.

  • Team Stiffy says:

    So does the denno pop go ontop of my power balence device, I’m confused (often before playing the perfect drinking game) are power balence and denno pop compatable? Will they work w/ my boogie board, sup, or wave skies? Can I use them in my pool? I need answers. P.S.
    Lot’s of love for Bill the Cat (3)

  • Ho Lee Kau says:

    You too can be millenair!

  • Jimmy Olsen says:

    Daily Planet Extra!

    From the Surf Ski news page of the PaddleSurf Champlain website:

    “Project Rip Waves–noun–A group of East Coast skiers on a mission to ski as many waves in as many spots as is humanly possible…”

    After seeing him on his surf ski, I doubt Starr is all human, but still we can only hope that “Champ,” Lake Champlain’s elusive prehistoric monster, makes a timely surface to thwart Starr and his diabolical “Project Rip Waves” before they take over our local breaks with their surf skis!

  • Lance says:

    Wasn’t there already a perfect wave in Japan that they closed down due to lack of admissions?

    This guy is a joke what a f-king tweaker. I love his backdrop of palm trees and the beach.

  • Occy's Mum says:

    …and all douche. Classic. Rollin’.

  • The Nug says:

    The money quote…

    “Also my girlfriend has used the DPop for 3 days now…”

    Sounds like something you’d hear at a seedy Motel 6 porn shoot in Tarzana.

  • Robert's Your Mother's Brother says:

    This brought tears to my eyes I laughed so hard.

    There used to be a place for all these “inventors”. It was called an insane asylum.

    Hell, no wonder Scott Bass and Cote think they’re in the groove. Compared to these prototypes they are Mensa IQ geniuses.

    Judging by this, it would appear that the end is near. The horsemen are riding this way. Thank the gods for Postsurf and the joyous relief it brings to those of us that won’t be taken in the “rapture”. Or did the book mean “Rap…sure”? Regardless, I’m enjoying the last few moments while I can.

    However, there is a chance of survival.

  • trauzersnake says:

    Hey “world’s biggest dick”….get off my property man.

  • Mike says:

    The lap pool has potential, although if you enlarge the circle enough to support surfers, wouldn’t you lose the “push” off the outside wall? And with such short intervals, spectacular wipeouts will become liability nightmares. There will be law offices opening up adjacent to the parks.

    I’m all for wave pool tech and if it’s some creepy Tom Selleck, who cares. The future is doomed with diminshing resources and exponentially expanding enthusiasts… just wait until the child care….errrr surf school alumni decide to give it a full time go, we’ll all be fucked by the demographic explosion.

    The surf ski’s are ridiculous, but so are SUP’s, Longboards and Kayaks. The poor athletes amongst us will always graduate to an inbred rationalization to fail.

  • Chris Cote says:

    Kelly Slater was super hyped on the ring a few years back. It makes me wonder. If you could scale it to be the size of a city block, would it work? Could you sell hot dogs and stretchy trunks to surfers in the center of the ring? Just saying …

  • Ol Dirty Bastard says:

    advertising 101

    1)Find a Common Desire or some widespread fear or anxiety
    2)Think of someway to relate this wish or fear to the product you have to sell
    3)Build a bridge of verbal or pictoral symbols over which your customer can pass from fact to compensentory dream
    4)From dream to illusion that your product, when purchased, will make the dream come true

    I have always dreamed of aggressive inlining the waves. Thank god someone has answered my prayers. I bet we’ll see laird stand up paddle inline/ kite aggressive water skiing by this time next year.

  • Confused says:

    Hey Chris Cote,

    I am a long time subscriber to TWS. I know you aren’t trying to be Surfer’s Path or one of those lame mags but seriously what is up with the quality of the articles. The article about the Indo Red Bull boat trip is perhaps the worst I’ve ever read. You say Mick says it was one of his greatest trips ever but in the article no one ever asks Mick why. This is what people want to read about. Did someone write that article five minutes before it went to press? Saying that we will be doing Rodeos in Jordy’s face, huh? Did anyone else on this site read that article and is as baffled as me?

  • otto von jizzalot says:


    Who else but someone who is stoked on surfing would spend their time on b.s. gimmicks like Denno Pop, Surf the Ring, Starr Surf Ski & PostSurf so they could spend more time in the surf….

    As a surfer, some of my own tales of surf dumb-assery:

    1. Drive to Nicaragua in an old Land Rover w/barely $600 and along the way spending two weeks @ Mexpipe w/a dark-haired Danish girl to reduce his savings to $300 for the remainder of the trip

    2. Go to the Gold Coast w/a one-way ticket and $750 during max swell season, planning a couch tour of friends houses met during a three week trip along the Basque Coast and no clue on how you are gonna fly back home the 6000 miles….

    3. Have boards shaped and the shapers who agree to shape them with absolutely no idea where you are gonna come up w/the money…

    Please feel free to post your trials of dumb-assery due to surfing..

    “Acknowledge you are a dumbass and the dirty windshield will get clear” George Ford Youngblood

  • brazopenguin says:

    the beginning was the end… the ring dude is loaded with valium, no doubt. is speed surfing exclusively for action figures?

  • The RZA says:

    I assume that these surf industry guys come up with ideas after a surf session, burnt out by the sun, blazed off high grade. At no point will a person be as functionally unsound than after the aforementioned activities.

  • Robert's Your Mother's Brother says:

    @ Taj’s Burro™

    Thanks for those entertaining, and informative, links.

    There’s more psycho’s out there than I realised.

    And there’s a few people that I’d like to send for a ride with the “bahrain flying tube” punters. But somewhere with more bridges…

  • al says:

    imagine falling on a good size wave with those ski things on. that would be frightening. you would probably drown or get your leg ripped off. better yet imagine if somebody took off at the wedge with those strapped their feet

  • ramboestrada says:

    They are building something in NZ that looks really similar to the ring, it’s called the wavebox. They were claiming that it was going to be open by Dec this year and were selling lifetime passes for $1000. You can watch a cheesy promo for it here

    They used to have a full website, but now it has been replaced with this.

    I’m guessing they are way behind schedule and have realized the stupid thing isn’t actually going to work, so they have pulled all the shit they were claiming about it off their site.

  • ramboestrada says:

    The guys from ASR who were responsible for the amazing design of the Mount Reef also have a sister company called surfpools ltd. I just went to check out their website and it’s also gone missing! Surfpools ltd and doing the design for the wavebox.

    Same guys are also involved with the RonJon pool.

    Want to read about how well the Mount Reef works? Check this out

  • trauzersnake says:

    I’m afraid that my cock head would get pinched in between the two skis…ouch!!

  • Shreddy Roosevelt says:

    “Imagine, with 10 years of practice in one these rings, even notorious mallards such as Blasphemy Rottmouth could learn the basics of surfing, validating their massive surf-brand clothing collection. It could change the sport forever.”

  • P.J. O'Rourke says:

    With the fact that socialism is a clear violation of the American principle that you shouldn’t stick your nose in other people’s business except to make a buck, all I can say is,

    carry on you kookmeyer inventors.

  • P.J. O'Rourke says:

    All of these products, every one of them, proves quite conclusively,

    supply leads demand.

    Even if the demand is a little lacking.

  • Kevin Roberts exudes sex! Fuck the ring I want to ride that dude bareback!

  • Robert's Your Mother's Brother says:

    @ The Nug

    Would that be a seedy Motel 6 in Tarzana across the street from the SERF Academy?

  • In Defense says:

    Mike seems to whine on and on and complain about how everything sucks. Reading his posts gets old after a while.

  • jim jones ghost says:

    I’ll build one in my yard and be fuckin lord of the ring.

  • Robert's Your Mother's Brother says:

    @ jim jones ghost

    Don’t forget to serve Kool Aid…

  • Another fucked intellectual surfer says:

    Stoked on that third one…fuck pitching it to the American mega-rich, someone pitch it to some crazy dictator who could use it in lieu of a failed nuclear program.

    Classic quote:
    “There’s no end to what this machine can do”

  • I once helped a Mexican drug lord shove condoms filled with heroin up Shreddy Roosevelt’s ass with a broomstick.

    True story.

    The best part was when I got to use that same broomstick to beat them out of him on this side of ‘the fence.’ Then I feed the stick to his parched esophagus like an inbred Sparrow feeding her blind chicks.

    Fucking clueless birds shit on everything!

    Irony… whoduhthunk?

  • Yogakayak says:

    Wow. lolll Rollerball on water .

  • Team Stiffy says:

    TSkies are so yesterdays news. Today I discovered the future of surfining and it is the past! Confused (yes I have a limited vocabulary). I was too. Until I checked out this web site . I overheard a guy on a SUP talking to a guy on a fun board so I know they are trusted sources of what is in and what is out. But it seems that retro-tech can be applied to modern shapes for about 3x the price. So I am going to have all my performance boards shifted over to wood. No more PU, good bye EPS and XTR wood is the future and the past?

  • yakas says:

    does anyone hold a patent on surfboards?

  • Stu says:

    I’m bored with PostSurf. Without surflie, Lewis has gone from insider spilling the truth to a guy who surfs the web looking for things to make fun of. In my best Mark voice, I quit.

  • The Nug says:

    There are plenty of things left to make fun of Stu…Like ESPN Surfing.

  • yakas says:

    I kinda agree with stu

    maybe there isnt much going on but teasing surfline is getting boring.

    It is still a good concept to be critical of the industry but surfline isnt the industry and neither are guys making leg snapping inventions. Expose some controversy like the quik surf camp in morocco that hires local thugs to beat anyone up that is not part of the camp. Could be true or untrue - who knows. Or how about the cocaine that washed ashore in hossogor and lead to a huge increase in hospitalizations of the locals. Or how about the surfrider home at bigflat, there has to be some juicy stuff on that. But i am no journalist, these are just things i heard.

  • Stu says:

    Yes, Nug, you are correct. But I don’t need Lewis to find those things for me. Asshole’s still sitting on the full AI story, but instead gives us days on end of products he doesn’t like.

  • trauzersnake says:

    Diamond Dobby boardshorts really make my cock feel great-balls too.

  • Shreddy Roosevelt says:

    Blasphemy, you’re the reason a lot of people don’t like this blog. Nobody really wants to have to pick through your predictable ramblings that you try to pass off as smart. You’re the type of guy who wears a hood in the summer. Full Keeeeooooook. Go back to golf. How is Tucson?

  • Shreddy must be one of Mark’s personalities… dumb as a bag of Paris Hilton farts.

    Say hi to your mom for me. I haven’t been balls deep in that beluga’s butthole in months.

  • But I am predictable - I’ll give you that. If you use The Google to search the terms “Shreddy Roosevelt being shat uponst by his father Blasphemy” you’ll come up with 362,876,998 hits.

    All of them posted by me at one time or another.

  • PacNW says:

    In order:
    1) I guess that’s how I look to skiers when I’m snowboarding.

    2) Not worth my time.

    3) (Sincerely) does anyone know who has the copyright on this?

  • BrodyStylez says:

    Screw you guys, I am due for some of this tomorrow morning.

  • Reinfear says:

    After reading these comments… it seems we all need some waves to rejuvenate the creative muscles that once made this site fun to read. That goes for you commenter’s as well as Lewis.
    Ill be forcing turns and avoiding crowds on some random shitty peak, north of Cardiff. Cant miss me - ill probably be the only guy on a board made for one person. :|

  • Mike says:

    Man, I am so happy today. The point in front of my house was going off!!!! Surfed for 5 hours, tube fest, and no one out. Sick. Cali is the bomb and that warm current is so gnarly. Yeah, it’s so cool being here!!!!

    Gee, the Republicans are so smart, why don’t we all relinquish control to the Neo Consevatives… they’re so bright! I love religion, it makes everythought possible! As long as the foundation is exclusion… but who cares, Heaven waits!… for us. Everyone else bet on the wrong card and they know it.

    I love surf schools, SUP’s, kayaks and surf rollerskates! Jesus is the best! USA #1!!!! Technology? Heck yeah if it makes me forget about reality!!!!! Fuck you, Un Patriots… Believe in Money!

    In Defense of In Defense, it’s a beautiful world. God bless everyone, except those God hates!

  • In Defense says:

    Have a nice day Mike! Glad to see you comin around!

    P.S. Good waves today for those who searched. Not so much for those who sat around rippin b-loads and totally groovin on Rachel and Keith.

  • In Defense says:

    And BTW. Anyone who has money to travel and lives in a semi-consistent surf area and hasn’t been barreled since March has no one to blame but themselves.

    I’m just sayin Bro.

  • Religion says:

    @ Mike

    If you could listen to yourself and had to make a judgement you would probably exclude yourself too.

    Hey Mike you are a great guy. You seem to be much more respected on Post Surf than Mark. Why don’t you simply jump on a plane and go get tubed? Everyone else here seems to get surf. Why shouldn’t you?

    Seriously Bro. You need a change.

  • Smyrnajeff says:

    Blasphemy Rottmouth=Cum Dumpster.

    True story.

  • killedbydeath says:

    jason starr kills it and is a very interesting individual. i never seem to know if he is joking or serious (see his vast collection of self portrait art; think paper mache starr babies, jason starr plato, micheal jackson etc.) once again i am left wondering if he is getting one over on all of us.

    it is my life goal to get barreled for three minutes do three huge airs, four air reverses, two kerrupt flipsa, four dane reynolds/kerr grab rail reverse flip things, seventeen tail wafts, twenty nine power gouges and no less less than thirty one roundies on one dynamic wave. i then wish to drown in the deluge that is the dynamic barrel ring; all of this to the little known japanese techno hit ‘Tong Poo’ by Perfume. Behold, Surf Surf Revolution is upon us.

  • Mike says:

    @Religion, thanks for finding me! God bless you! Man, these rose colored glasses fit so snug! Can’t wait to go to the Kumbaya church tomorrow morning and sing, sing, sing. Then worship the insecure, needy God that fills us all with light and love! I’ll feel so good afterward, I’ll vote against universal health care!

    Gotta go, Surflie is predicting a massive swell to increase today!!!! Come on everybody, surf’s up!

    Fuck, positivity is like the best drug! I’m so stoked! Party wave for sure! Why did I ever drink? God is like vicadin and margarita’s after an empty point session with a naked 20 year old bikini model…. Erica!!!!!

  • trauzersnake says:

    Blasphemy rottmouth was once the recipient of ass to mouth from Rob Halford backstage at a Judas Preist concert.

    True story.

  • P.J. O'Rourke says:

    That thing is a groin pull waiting to happen.

  • OCSN says:

    Surfed with Knost at the Buʻ. We traded waves - shared waves. Felt all that was free.

    Frisco Kelly

    - Orange County Suck Nuts

  • I am Lewis Samuels says:

    I have come to grips with the fact that I am blessed. I long for the love of you fellow bloggers. We are one in bloggers world. It is a world of tough guys that can hide behind our screen names we can be so awesome like with our words we can talk about the Hui and call them retards. This is great. Thanks for the confidence guys. You complete me. All of you do.

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