COMMENT of the WEEK: Yes, More TurtleGate.

Posted by lewis on August 30, 2009 at 7:05 am.

Comment of the Week goes to L'Estranger, who has fit another piece of the TurtleGate puzzle snugly into place.

L'Etranger says: August 24, 2009 at 3:19 pm

“Mother always likes to wear turtle pins, for instance.” - Reverend Sun Myung Moon

Hmmm . . . This may be the best find yet:

1) Reverend Moon’s mother fancies wearing turtle pins.
2) Followers of the Reverend Sun Myung Moon are referred to as “Moonies.”
3) Andrew Mooney is hardly a variation on “Moonies”

mooney. photo: gibson

If the Moonies are indeed behind TurtleGate, I may be in very great danger indeed.  Oh, the irony: readers worry about Da Hui, Da Wolfpak, or Da Brazillians snuffing out my meaningless existence.

In reality, these cabals are but children at play compared to the Moonies.

For those of you who don't know, Reverend Sun Myung Moon is a cult leader of terrifying power and influence, notorious for performing mass weddings and founding and bankrolling the conservative-leaning Washington Times. Reverend Moon is what Sean Collins may one day become if we are not ever vigilant.

How does Andrew Mooney, hard-charging Aussie turtle molester, fit in to all this?

Frankly, I fear he may be the White Heung-Jin Moon - continuous channel of Reverend Moon's deceased second son.  This is a terrifying prospect indeed, considering the reign of terror attributed to the last continuous channel of Heung-Jin Moon - a Zimbabwaen known as the Black Heung-Jin Moon.

The Wiki explains:

The second son of Hak Ja Han and Moon, Heung-Jin Moon, died  from injuries suffered in a car crash in December 1983. Moon ascribed great importance to his son's death, and Heung-Jin Moon is officially regarded to be the "king of the spirits" in heaven, and is now said to be conducting seminars in heaven for departed souls.

For several years church members "channeled" his spirit, and in 1987-8 a Zimbabwean member who became known as "the Black Heung Jin Nim" was accepted by Moon and his family as Heung Jin Moon's continuous channel, and toured the world giving speeches, getting confessions, and subjecting some members to beatings.

Long-time member Damian Anderson reports seeing him "knock people's heads together, hit them viciously with a baseball bat, smack them around the head, punch them, and handcuff them with golden handcuffs"

Nansook Hong recounts: "No one outside the True Family was immune from the beatings. Soon the mistresses he acquired were so numerous and the beatings he administered so severe that members began to complain. He beat Bo Hi Pak—a man in his sixties—so badly that he was hospitalized for a week in Georgetown Hospital."

Pray for me, PostSurf readers.  These forces of darkness are not far behind, seeking to silence my voice before I uncover the true nefarious secrets of TurtleGate.

32 Comments

  • World's Biggest Dick says:

    I’m not really a Dick, although I do play one on the Internets.

  • dumb says:

    Dumb post. (Legions of cult-like devotees of PS will now defend LS.)

  • Robert's Your Mother's Brother says:

    Not me, I won’t defend LS. I answer to one cult leader and one alone. Where is Dick Cheney?

    But hey, I did think it cute that someone with the handle of “dumb” thought the post was “dumb”. Since they are dumb, how would they be able to tell?

    And is it a coincidence that Andrew Mooney is riding a “Nirvana” brand surfboard in the photo? I think not.

  • OCSN says:

    Surfers, the new Spicolli, tHe weinernet and Lewis, king of the kooks! All hail. Dude! I lost my wetsuit. SURFPULSE. SURFLINE, BUTTHEAD, BALLS AND ROTTENMOUTHS.

  • Occy's Mum says:

    What. The. Fuck.

  • ReB says:

    f*** this s***, let’s talk about 9-11.

    Cheney managed the war games that pulled resources away from New England
    http://www.fromthewilderness.com/

    WTC7 collapsed as a result of demolition
    http://911research.wtc7.net/

    as did WTC1 & WTC2.

    & the US had several dozen warnings that 9-11 was a bad week to fly (despite the attempted denials of C. Rice)
    http://www.historycommons.org/project.jsp?project=911_project

    It’s much more fun to talk about surfing. I got some quality sunburn at Torrey Pines yesterday and helped a niece & nephew learn how to surf. Without saying a word about 9-11 !!

  • Artie says:

    I hope the rumor about Lewis covering trestles for Stab is true because this shit is fucking boring. Just watch out for Bassy.

  • Artie says:

    Speaking of Scott Bass, I’m still waiting for Part 2 of the promised 757,389 posts on why he’s an idiot.

  • Hugh G. Rection says:

    I wouldn’t be taunting those puddingpop cultists dude. That shit’s no joke and they will find you, now or in the afterlife. BOOGA BOOGA!

  • bone an raized says:

    Would Andrew Moonie get any press at all without turtlegate?
    You should all get your asses to the north shore right now!
    The surf is fun and really not crowded at all.
    Dick Cheney’s out at Chun’s riding a flouropink SUP.

  • Something to Worship?
    Is this what we have to look forward to?

    It seems that the date of January 13th 2013 is now when Rev. Moon and his wife are now planning to die; the images of a Jim Jones type debacle crowd into my head as I fear Rev, Moon may try to “force” his “ascension” by artificial means: like an overdose? God Forbid!

    These developments are new; and now being written of as I speak; I will update this post as I am given the information about the Golden Palace and planned death of Sun Myung Moon; a dead Messiah is no Messiah; not this time; not without the customary Resurrection which would be on schedule for Jan 16 three days later.

    It now seems that Rev. Moon has decided that his strategy of taking the Wall from North and South Korea may indeed happen over his “dead Body”; but this is not what God had planned for our brave Korean friend; the “Faithful and Wise Steward” from the gospel of Luke and the gospel of Matthew.; a fallen champion of the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth.

    Is it “too late” to save or restore Rev. Moon? We have 40 scant months before the 2012 date on December 25th that will follow the “3 days and 3 nights” from December 21st until the 24th; with December 25th 2012 as Judgment Day; where all will see if they have a lump of dark black coal for their unregenerate selves: or a dazzling White Diamond for their regenerated souls??

    Truly Time will indeed end and Eternity be seen: along with the Door itself being made Visible; where will sit One with the Lamb’s Open Book on his lap: for the King of Judgment Day is the Judge!

  • turtlegate yawn says:

    Turtlegate: yawn.

  • When are you going to pull me into this thing? It kind of reminds me of an episode of South Park…making absurd ties ins for the purpose of keeping the snowball rolling. A snowball apparently headed for nowhere. Like DA, Jim Garrison, without a point.

    Also, adding “gate” to the end of a word to make it a controversy stopped being fresh in the 80s.

    By the way, did anybody know I was in Tombstone? I don’t remember a surfer in that movie at all. Somebody help me out.

  • By the way, nobody listens to Turtle.

  • Don’t want to freak anybody out, but I just ate a Moon Pie. http://www.moonpie.com

  • Anybody remember why I stacked turtle upon turtle upon turtle? To reach higher than….you guessed it, THE MOON! The author? Dr. Seuss from La Jolla, where the turtle is protected.

  • The Moon says:

    Has anyone noticed that I vaguely resemble the shape of a turtle shell? Coincidence? Ask A. Mooney. If you can catch him without a Moon Pie in his mouth for one second.

  • On behalf of the Moon Pie Corporation, I would like to disclaim any association that has been made, intentionally or inadvertently, between the Moon Pie Corporation and the act of fucking turtles.

  • Some Guy says:

    I just took a shit and it kind of looks like a turtle or the moon, especially if you squint your eyes a little bit. I’m scared. What should I do Lewis?

  • RYMB says:

    Ok, Artie, let me get this rumor stuff straight.

    After being bored to shit at Trestles, Lewis is going to stab Scott Bass. Is that right?

  • P.J. O'Rourke says:

    They don’t like anyone who isn’t Korean, and they don’t like each other all that much, either.

    They’re hardheaded, hard-drinking, tough little bastards, “the Irish of Asia”.

  • Mark says:

    What is up with Artie returning to Post Surf out of nowhere?

    Where have you been hiding bro? And what about your buddy Pirate Salsa?

    Whats next? SmyrnaJeff?

  • Regis Philbin says:

    I am not related to Turtle. And yes, I do hate myself.

  • Bernstein says:

    Enough rumor and innuendo. What’s the scoop on Lewis working for Stab at Trestles. Spill the proverbial beans.

  • Bernstein says:

    Can we at least all agree that Weekend at Bernies was the greatest film of all time? Running a close second–Coneheads.

  • Fisher says:

    Extract from story posted on wavesmag.com.au re: Turtlegate today.

    WAVES DUDE: Did you receive any positive feedback from the whole incident?
    MOONEY: Yeah, I received a lot of good feedback. People were pretty 50/50 with it. I think if people are that worried about it then they really have nothing better to do then to just sit on the web and comment on stupid topics.

    W: Can you see the good side to the fact that he’s still featuring you on his blogs? Or do you think he should kinda fuck off and leave you alone?
    M: Nah, it’s all cool. I just think he’s scraping the bottom of the barrel and he has nothing better to write about. He’s gone stale when it comes to picking decent topics.

    The message is pretty clear L.S… 50% of the good folk out there are against you and you’re stale and smelly. Waves Mag says so!

  • Artie says:

    Mooney is correct, just as RIP has been telling us all along.

  • Mike says:

    Artie, back from the dead, yeah!

  • Lewis, trust me, it’s not that your posts are growing stale; rather, it’s that your otherwise developmentally disabled readership’s literary taste is growing more and more discerning after each of your posts. (Not to mention their average attention span is more mercurial than Ultra Violet’s fame duration.)

    Ahhhh . . . the conundrum. To pander to the desires of the lowest common demoninator and subsequently forego assisting in the betterment of said demographic’s mentation? Or, to adhere to the renegade brand of superciliary, quasi-journalism you’ve pioneered and, in the process, augment the collective intelligence quotient of the world’s surfing population by even the most vanilla-wafer-thin of margins?

    I say: Rock on to the idiosyncratic beat of your internal fuckery mechanism!

  • Whatevers says:

    it seems to me the above comment is the straw that broke Lewis’ back.
    Thanks a lot pal.

  • Stephanie Pfeiffer says:

    Before you begin bashing a belief system and labeling it as a “cult,” I would suggest putting research into it. Reverend Moon has impacted this world in so many ways that are obviously unknown to you; if you would bother to research the truth and check out the websites for the many organizations for peace, relief, service projects, and religious unity he has funded, you would most likely fall over in your chair with wonder in how this ordinary yet extremely hardworking man with an infinitely strong faith in God has accomplished so much. His life story is one to be respected, not used for ridicule and the butt of a joke. Thank you.

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