Modern Complaints

Posted by lewis on September 2, 2009 at 10:32 am.

There are other worlds beyond this one.

Maybe we've asked too much of surfing. Maybe we're asking the wrong questions.

Surfing in 2009.  Photo: Will Adler

Surfing in 2009. Photo: Will Adler

The cool kids are focusing on the past.  Groping at our velvia roots, trying to reconstruct surfing's age of innocence.  Groms on retro boards, re-imagining the romantic moments that preceded their conception.  Viewing life through celluloid instead of pixels.

It's a process akin to re-virginizing whores.

They're looking back because something about "surfing" today just doesn't feel right.  The magic has been drained out, leaving a pale corpse. As the body decomposes, and the stench sinks in, it becomes harder and harder to ignore.  Whether you're a bitter walrus in the lineup, a cynical PostSurf bastard on a laptop, or a Luddite surf hipster on an alaia.

As a rule, I prescribe to the belief that it's not healthy to live in the past.  A pretty girl told me once that nostalgia can be a fatal disease.  I've rarely received better advice.

But lately the present bores me.  I've been clicking through the dank pages of online surf culture and I've been feeling... nothing.

So I've looked back.  I've been wading through old archives of "the bible of our sport."  Searching for that innocence we once knew.

This is what I found:

img_0085

Before PostSurf, there was Surf Post.  Before the internet gave forums to faceless complainers, iconoclasts wrote letters.  They put pen to paper, stamp to envelope, spelled out their grievances, and sent them off to a higher power - the editor of Surfer Magazine.

A handful of letters were published each month.  The rest were discarded.  Sometimes I wonder about all those abandoned letters, and the altered version of surf history that might emerge if you could somehow assemble all those forsaken pedestrian words.

Of those that were published, this letter resonated.

"The current rage in your magazine appear to be nostalgia, the good old days, the lives of those great watermen of yesteryear, and how surfing has changed from a genuine thrill to a continuum of phases and fads on a commercial battleground... I feel it's time for SURFER to take its share of the blame.  Your influence in the surfing world and in the changes it has undergone are fantastic.  You were and are now completely free to make the rules, set the styles, elevate whoever you want to the limelight, and to advertise the most voluminous pile of faddy crap I've ever seen...  How many people really 'go surfin' anymore?  Isn't it really something else now?"

The author of the letter was Will Batemen, and the year was 1977.

Modern complaints.

145 Comments

  • World's Biggest Dick says:

    Biggy Biggy Biggy, can’t you see….

  • World's Biggest Dick says:

    …and furthermore, I am even more bigger than I was yesterday. Living large, yo!

  • lazer® says:

    Short but sweet. Well done, best in a while.

  • kookery says:

    I find “surf culture” in the mags to be… inane enough to make me want to try a home root canal with a hand drill and some really hot metal..

    As a old guy grom I find a lot more inspiration in the “pioneers” of surf (whatever the hell that means) than I do by looking in the mags at the latest sponsored pre-teen who does a good punt…

    For me, in my line of work, in the place where I am in life…
    saying “screw it” and going surfing is as close as I can get to pioneering something.. Taking the wagon on the Oregon trail..

    Feeling that pounding in my chest when the waves get to the edge of my comfort zone (and not getting a heart attach at my desk) tells me that “surf culture” or not I am experiencing something akin to what “they” did way back then….

    And perhaps that is why the “culture” & “mags” passes me by and being out in the line up keeps me alive…

    just sayin

  • Buttons says:

    That same year I did the first rodeo flip at the South Wall in Yamba. People were tripping. I was later chased out of town for punching out an old dude at the bowls club over some bullshit I would rather not get into. Hey Lewis can I crash on your couch next time I’m in SF? Shoots Brah

  • trauzersnake says:

    @kookery

    well said. Couldn’t agree more.

  • Billa Wrong says:

    Just paid $13.95 for a copy of the latest issue of Surfers Journal….and it was worth every penny of it.

    Remember scouring those old mags front to back? It was new and took you places you couldn’t dream of. Nowadays every magazine article is a re-hash of the same old shit. New grom, same punts.

    @ Cote…you can send me a free subscription of TW and I still won’t read it. Same at you Surfer and Surfing…ad nauseum (pun intended).

  • Capt. Vince Shazam says:

    AT EASE!Great post. Stuck between a Walrus and laptop these days. Had to move away from my outpost in Shazamland and get a real job. Fucking hate it. Surfing keeps me real. Not sure if the alaia’s or SUP’s bother me more. In my day when the surf sucked we drank primo’s, smoked da kine and just talked story. Now my kids want me to play Rockband on the Wii. The act of letting it go and just going surfing will always be authentic to those who still pursue surfing for the right reasons.
    Now drop to the floor and give me 20.

  • Hoof Arted says:

    Have you ever heard the saying “Wherever you go, there you are?” Perhaps the problem lies not within modern day surfing, but stems from ourselves. I think it is worth noting that the fatal diseases that plague the Surf World, are the same problems destroying the US as a whole. Its about responsibility and you either accept yours or not. The fuckery that is being constant bantered about on this site is merely a reflection of the fucked reality of our society as whole. Any system that relies on financial motivation to do good things is destined to fail.

  • zeech says:

    If that is the real Vince Shazam from Shazamland, I give you 20.
    If you are an imposter, you shall burn…
    State the first time you were published in Surfer magazine immediately.

  • Seems to me that most surfers are like sheep. Who wants to be the proud nail only to get hammered down! It’s so much easier to focus on the past.

  • Sean says:

    Wow Bill hit the nail on the head! Did “The bible of the sport” respond?

  • OCSN says:

    Finally something to be happy about; complaining!

  • marsh says:

    Na, it aint gone, just your mind & where you stay. All got memories, Ricky Gregg’s morning survey on the bluff, Doyle & Margo Godfrey, sunset glass, getting cut off by Rusty - Miller, John Price runnin the bluff with a proto under each arm, Willingham’s down railer, Zelmo, Wits, the Waldorf’s, & Bucklin’s Lot, Beacon’s, just one spot, theres plenty more, even today. So suck it up, go get yourself a piece of Paradise

  • Pobby Brown says:

    Anyone familiar with the brilliant comic artist Dan Clowes Eightball comics (they aren’t just for kids anymore), will recall a character named Lloyd Llewellyn.

    A thinly veiled foil for Clowes, LL’s breakthrough moment was a strip called “I Hate You Deeply.” As LL railed against “Nostalgia Hounds” I couldn’t help but notice tha the entire Clowes universe is built upon the bedrock of “Better Days.”

    So, how does one maintain progressiveism within an inherently “retro” construct? I don’t know but I do know this. Ever since I’ve stopped caring about what’s modern, retro or cool, I’m a much happier person.

    If you’ll excuse me, I have this pristine 78rpm version of “I Smell a Rat” by Young Jessie that I”ve been meaning to spin on my hi-fi. Ginchy!

  • NUG Draper says:

    “Nostalgia - it’s delicate, but potent. In Greek, “nostalgia” literally means “the pain from an old wound.” It’s a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn’t a surfboard, it’s a time machine. It goes backwards, and forwards… it takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It’s not called the Alaia, it’s called the memory stick. It let’s us travel the way a child travels - around and around, and back home again, to a place where we know are loved.”

    Fuck, I need a drink. Do they serve Old Fashioneds here?

  • simpla says:

    surf mags disintegrate in the ocean. they don’t paddle, they take no place in the real world of surfing. All surf mags are good for, no matter what era of content they hold, are to piss you off for sitting there looking at them while the fad wranglers are getting pitted. The surf pictures are the the worst part as noted above, and the ads make you happy that the suckers in them aren’t surfing at that moment.

  • ted says:

    Great post. The next question is: When will the discontented legions put together their own publication (print or digital) to strike the coup de grace to their corrupt, atavistic forefathers?

  • RYMB says:

    Finally.

    What no magazine could or would say. They wouldn’t know where to begin.

    Take a week off LS. You’ve earned it.

  • Jason says:

    This is the reason I check your blog every day Lewis.

  • Pobby Brown says:

    It’s really hard work and expensive to live in the now. Aside from basic shit, I’ve heard that design guru Karim Rashid doesn’t keep anything for more than a year because of a deep belief in planned obeslecence.

  • michael says:

    beautiful article.

  • Shreddy Roosevelt says:

    Someday you’ll look at today with nostalgia. We all go through cycles. I remember so many phases in my life where I wanted to give up on surfing because of the ‘culture’, to turn around and realize I am still having the time of my life with my friends, living in our own world by making surfing what it is for us and not what magazines tell us it is. Happiness is basically ignoring everyone else and doing it for yourself and to be with your friends. The magazines try to charge us how much to tell us what we already know? Surfers are predisposed to taking themselves way too seriously.

  • Capt. Vince Shazam says:

    @Zeeech I’m not the Capt…..just a crusty native. Good on ya for recognizing the lore that was.

  • JimG says:

    This is the problem w/ life & everything in it. At first, it’s exciting & new, but then gets routine & old. However, it’s not that it was better in the past (in fact, objectively, it may have been much worse), rather it was new to you. Therefore, you can never re-capture the past b/c the feelings you had at that point in time are over & can never be re-captured.

  • Dave Mailman says:

    Hi Lewis et al,
    Nice to come back to a post like this one.
    Funny thing is 2 weeks ago, I was in Lacanau for the 30th anniversary of the “French Pro” where in spite of exceptional surf and the first win by a Frenchman in 27 years, most people still pined for the good old days when it was a ‘CT event with a bikini contest, and thousands of half naked girls on the beach waving GO ELKO signs, getting Curren’s autograph and stalking Kelly Slater…
    Last week, I took a step back into the past. I was in a beautiful island region, one of the poorest parts of Europe, with hardly any local surfers, yet 99% of them as well as the rest of the local population were more than happy to have the Grind in town to promote their islands to the world. They want the exposure, because it will bring them work, boards, leashes, wetties, trunks, along with the surfers that come visit, and even if it means a few less waves they’ll have more role models to emulate in the line-up…
    The more things change, the more they stay the same.

    PS: After checking the local webcam over a cup of “fair trade” instant coffee and sugar (2) with organic milk tomorrow morning, I think I’ll go take my 6′0″ MR retro twinny for a little spin around a high tide rip bowl.

  • P.J. O'Rourke says:

    Sure your boards look pretty and all. But so does candy.

    There are reason why no one really makes makes or rides boards like them anymore. They sucked then, and they suck now.

    Move forward people. ‘Else you’ll end up like that burned out old hippie fart, Mike Hynson.

  • mum's warty vagina says:

    Yet the post ITSELF is the same old whinge. It too relies on the nostalgia that is like ‘re-virginising the whore’. Such hypocrisy is what fuels the hate.

    If you can’t find alternatives online then you are not looking very hard. Or is it a case of being still caught up in ‘the industry’ because it is precisely that which enables the ‘railing against the establishment’ and what everyone ‘else’ has done to surfing. An abusive relationship? Strikes me as the same old same old so ‘counter-culture’ myth, repackaged.

    Better and more respectful to simply walk quietly away … WITHOUT BANGING DRUMS SO EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU. Just walk away and go surf. Leave the hype and rubbish to eat itself (thanks PIL).

    /rant.

    ps. I love you Lewis and just want to look out for you. It’s a losing battle dear, much like mine against venereal diseases. Just accept the fate and infect others on the sly.

  • As a teenager filled with teen angst, I often referred to Ambrose Bierce’s sardonic The Devil’s Dictionary for what I believed to be not just the most clever definitions of words, but also the most honest and therefore accurate definitions. (Of course, I was wrong, but I still learned a few things from my many references.)

    Here’s Bierce’s definition of “noteriety”:

    NOTORIETY, n.
    The fame of one’s competitor for public honors. The kind of renown most accessible and acceptable to mediocrity. A Jacob’s-ladder leading to the vaudeville stage, with angels ascending and descending.

    I’m particularly struck by the last sentence of that definition: “A Jacob’s-ladder leading to the vaudeville stage, with angels ascending and descending.” Isn’t that perfect? I’d say that neatly sums up the relationship between Surfing–that act, that pursuit, that lifestyle, etc–and surf magazines, and their resultant pre-fab surf culture(s) rather nicely.

    As evidenced in numerous PostSurf posts, our heaven–the Great Blue Yonder, our Mother Ocean–has certainly become a Vaudeville stage, hasn’t it? Our sacred, beloved memories and heroes are surely those ascending angels; while the angels descending onto our stage are . . .wait, we, you and me, are still descending on that stage as long as we contribute to the “noteriety” of Surfing, aren’t we?

    So, the question goes: How do we, those of us smitten by “that act”, “that pursuit”, etc., refrain from singing our praises on high? How do we curb our justifiable enthusiasm?

    Consider the following from Wyclif’s 1382 Bible:

    “Silence is maad in heuen”. [made in Heaven]

    Should this be our farewell, not to our heaven but to our petty, futile voices ascending and descending from it?

    p.s. - Welcome back Mailman. Deft use of your voice in the Azores.

  • Bunyip Dreaming says:

    Love surfing, just love it. Maybe it helps I don’t live near the coast now and reside in a country with only a small surfing community in an area not world renowned for waves. I have to work a lot harder now for it but everything about it now gives me joy. Maybe it helps I’m a little bit older now and my expectations of what I want from it are different. I don’t do anything uniquely associated with the culture now except surf and maybe talk about surfing with the one other person I know here that surfs. If I never surfed an epic but crowded wave again or encounter another pro in my life it would not bother me, I have that same feeling I had when I was a kid or is that just the nostalgia talking…

  • Stranger Than Fiction says:

    Someone once said:

    Ecclesiastes 1:8-10

    8 All things are wearisome,
    more than one can say.
    The eye never has enough of seeing,
    nor the ear its fill of hearing.

    9 What has been will be again,
    what has been done will be done again;
    there is nothing new under the sun.

    10 Is there anything of which one can say,
    “Look! This is something new”?
    It was here already, long ago;
    it was here before our time.

  • The Kevin says:

    So…broadcasting the impotence of PostSurf, the erBB, etc. Ok. Is this like self deprecating humor or something?

    Perhaps I’m reading too much into it. Why AM I reading into this?

    I “went surfin’” many times in the past couple weeks. Thank god for hurricane swell. I’m going out in the morning with NE 15-25mph onshores because I’m an East Coaster and that’s what we do, you jaded left coast bratwursts.

    That is all. Oh, and this Sam Adams Imperial White is pretty damned impressive. ECFU.

  • Another fucked intellectual surfer says:

    Holy shit, this is the first one to get me frothing to post in a while…concise, direct, and a heavy, though subtle, commentary.

    Fuck yeah, Lewis, you’ve spun a good one. You’re too smart to give a fuck what Fred Patacchia or some cunts who are whistling dixie think about you.

  • Occy's Mum says:

    Number thirty fucking FIFTH you little bitches!

  • Hugh G. Rection says:

    You counted? If so, consider yourself a douche.

  • chris cote says:

    the 99 cent subscription is the best advertisement that i have ever had!!!! thanks lewis and postsurf.com for making all this possible. i cant do it without you, prob cause no one ever watches cote’s cube…..

  • Pim says:

    Didn’t surfing sell out more than a couple of decades ago? It’s hard to keep something appealing to so many edgy. Surfers don’t wanna be seen flockish. Admit it, get with it and enjoy. There’s so much wrong with the world today but still, your efforts from behind your screens to fix our sport must do something, if only it is growing consensus.

    Now i wanna hit the road and score some good point breaks. No modern complaining from me if i get my fix

  • BrodyStylez says:

    How is it that I had never heard of the Luddites before, but this is the second time I’ve seen them mentioned on PS in the last month? Are they that significant for this type of agruement? My guess is Lewis reads the comments, and got that one from Taj’s donkey.

    As for surf culture, anyone who was party to the hurricane Bill debacle knows that the number of people claiming to be surfers far outnumber those who can actually surf. The whole idea of a ‘culture’ or a ‘tribe’ is to sell crap. Surf in silence and take as many waves as possible for your own tribe: yourself. All other surfers should be regarded as enemies threatening your god-given right to your natural resources, save some extenuating circumstance.

    It’s amazing how well King Solomon’s wisdom applies to surfing. To add to stranger than fiction’s poignant comment…Vanities, Vanities; all is vanity…One generation passeth away, and another generation cometh, but the surf abideth forever. Definitely one the old testament’s finest books (rumor has it was written by Ghostface Killah), I’ll read again and I won’t go surfing for some time.

  • Wilbur Kookmeyer says:

    Hey Buttons, tell us what happened! For nostalgia’s sake!

  • Mike says:

    Brilliant post Lewis, brilliant.

    I spent my life traveling and even Cali felt like a vast, open wilderness to anyone inclined to forego a parking lot. My memories haunt me, chasing ghosts…. but I want more and have to learn to let go of what was or die.

    Density and mass marketing conspire to shift realities and suffocate inspiration. Retro boards are the fascination of a cultural and intellectual ambiguity… too hard to think for oneself and a vacuum of ambition courtesy of fashion.

    I remember the older guys of the 70’s complaining about crowds…. when all you had to do was avoid Malibu or Rincon and you had your own slice of the pie, often to yourself. That won’t exist in the future and to avoid that same trap of frustrated nostalgia, one must become more creative. Easy is no longer an option.

    Thanks for the splash of cold water to the face Lewis Samuels. Modern Complaints, same as it ever was, but with less room to grow and more people fighting for air.

  • al says:

    lets just face it. surf mags are crap. case in point…pull in underwear ads. now at first i thought they were lame, but then when i read that they are made in hossegor france i realized how cool pull in underwear must be

  • thriller says:

    surfing is:

    a genuine thrill if you’re in the right frame of mind. the challenge these days is getting in the ‘right frame of mind’- the surfing part is too easy.

  • Richbzz says:

    How many gel tabs did Mike eat?

  • :syas says:

    There is a great essay by Thoreau, Life Without Principle, in which he complains about the obsession americans have with money and business, written in 1863. The more things change ….

  • Strange Daze says:

    The best thing is that surfing stays the same: a smooth glide across the water, pushed by a pulse from thousands of miles away. No matter your riding ability, what era you’re riding in, or what the chatterers are obsessing about this week, the smooth flow over water is what matters to the diverse legions of jazzed wave people.
    Dora put it well when he raved about all the kooks, journalists, etc etc going over his head, passing him by because they don’t matter one bit.
    Nice post Lewis. You’re turning out to be a more sensitive soul than the Stab/Riley/Smith hating types. That shit isn’t iconoclastic and radical,its actually already the mainstream, and as such they’ll suck for a while longer before disappearing into the spiral.
    Meanwhile, millions of us enjoy riding waves, and having lives beyond the cyclic drivel.

  • George Herron says:

    Back on track. Thanks Lewis.

  • Mike says:

    Used to be a problem of mine Richbzzz, thanks for noticing…..

  • bdub says:

    Complaint of the moment: Cat 4 hurricane butt-ram.

  • Schlurg says:

    Anyone remember 976-crowd?
    Was that Collin’s original surfline? “the pain from an old wound”
    Because you made the effort, because you noticed something in the sky, because you were willing to stay unemployed long after the dole ran out, you scored. Many a fine woman was lost due to a sudden shift of the wind.
    That’s where my pre-tech nostalgia ends.
    The avarice surf machine gave us the gear we use everyday. Wish it could be logoless.
    To not push board design is to stick ones head in the sand. With few exceptions, retro boards are not handling surf of substance. The fact that that 9′0″ handles drops on the shoulder, proves just that!
    Twin fin fish slide sideways as well as ever. If that’s your thing, have at it. Fun is still the bottom line,but
    lack of progression stinks like dead fish.
    I miss my ‘62VW bus, but I’m so stoked to be a surfer today!

  • Post of the year to Lewis and Vanilla Wafer (including his hyperlink.)

    Bra-motherfucking-vo to both of you.

  • Mark says:

    I live by the words of Carly Simon.

    “These are the good ole days”‘

  • Mark says:

    And btw Schlurg I have plenty of good friends at Bowls and all over the north shore. If you ever want to chat face to face and run your mouth then bring it.

  • Mark says:

    @ Strange Daze

    Great quote from Surfers the Movie. Dora and Pottz in Baja. Good comment buddy. Unlike Schlurg rambling about twin fish slides or something.

    Hey Lewis can you please do something about slugs like Schlurg polluting your otherwise pure website with their filth? That guy is a barn.

  • Mark says:

    @ Shreddy Roosevelt.

    Good comment bro. Too bad you are fucking totally clueless about politics. Otherwise I might consider being friends with you.

  • Mike says:

    “Many a fine woman was lost due to a shift in the wind” Lewis, you’re inspiring those who may not find a voice…. Shlurg steps up. “Avarice surf machine….logoless” Nice.

    I move forward from a fine post into a roadblock, Mark. Slinging shit before he thinks twice, our former expert on everything Island fires without first confirming an enemey ahead.

    I’m sure Mark is a great guy…. if he could just turn off FOX “News” long enough to really be a surfer.

  • Mike says:

    By “really be a surfer”, I mean independent thinker…. but I guess that assumption was destroyed by the Retro fad and faux conservatism….. you know, voting against yourself.

    Go Insurance Companies, fuck humanity! Middlemen who produce nothing over Humanities health. Yeah!

    Fuck socialism, vote for Money to acquire more Money at our aggregate expense! Yeah Mark! In Money we Trust. Jesus is so proud of our devotion to personal wealth! Let’s attack another country!!!!

    I’m thinking we could “liberate” Sumatra!…… And impose a tariff on Australian visitors!

    Wait Mark, maybe I am on board afterall……

  • Lo, I’ve been summoned from the depths of an Arctic slumber in my mausoleum for this?

    I wade through 58 comments, and not one of you doorknob-humpers recognized the name of the author “quoted” in the ‘Surfer Magazine’ article.

    Hook, line, and sinker.

    Time to step up your game, young SUP paddlewan’s.

  • Will Bait Men says:

    Are you not men?

    Or… are you DEVO?

  • Mark says:

    Take another bong hit Mike.

  • Mike says:

    Lewis, your tiny chess game reveals that you win the obscurity gold medal. Through your proxy BR.
    Celebrate the insult of your congregation.

    Republican in practice….

  • Mike says:

    @ Mark… Do they Drug Test where you work?

  • @Mike / Mark,

    I know, it’s hard to believe I… errrr Lewis, has the time to put forth ridiculous commentary on his own blog, and then start his own blog that will be maintained roughly six times bi-annually.

    Adding insult to injury, I… errrr Lewis, even wear a yarmulke when I paddle out at Kaiser’s out of my deepest respects for my dear Moshiach, and his imminent coming.

  • Mike says:

    You have time on your talented hands BR…. and the footprint seems quite similar. Lewis created the conjecture when he stopped posting as himself and you mushroomed.

    Six times, bi annually……. ok.

  • soup says:

    This is not surfing this is a forum, a communal chant down about surfing. The fondest memories anyone has about surfing involve more often than not, a bit of solitude, light offshores or sheet glass, warm water or a warm suit, and most importantly energy that traveled thousands of miles just to please you. These can not be found online, in a mag or anywhere but in the ocean! “Maybe we’ve asked too much of surfing. Maybe we’re asking the wrong questions.”, pfthbbb… if you are bored with the present status of surfing by only experiencing it through the poop slosh of the interweb well there in lies the source of your disgust. I know its hard to find surf moments worth filing away as something to recall while in line at the DMV, but it can be done. Fuck drug cartels, n. baja holds glory. When the urge to complain in anonymity tempts you, take a modern concept such as travelocity and do something else. D.G.S.

  • Taj's Burro™ says:

    @Richbzz,

    Your question about Mike Hynson….

    Was that before lunch? Or after breakfast?

  • Will says:

    Lewis guest stars on ASL’s website in Cali Road trip video…
    http://www.surfinglife.com.au/videos/hot100

  • Sted Stintstone says:

    Awesome thread,& amped to have bowled into this little online surfie-town 2day. LS puts something out there fair and square and then the reactions make for a good/interesting/questionable/ridiculous/laughable/…/ read. On this one: keep the stoke so you won’t find yourself nagging about your culture but shaping it

  • @Will,

    I just watched the video attached to your link. For the seventy-fifth time. I must have mind-fucked Lewis somewhere between twelve and thirty-six times before the clip even finished.

    My question to YOU is this:

    Am I just partially gay because I have stood in the very spot he is depicted in said clip? Many times, in years past, in fact.

    Or, am I fully gay because I wear the same goggles?

    Either way, I am open and affirming.

    Love,

    B.R.

  • trauzer's snake says:

    we are always searching for something that is not there. just go surf…

  • lewis's alter ego says:

    cha-ching. people are talking about my website again. suicide will be delayed one more day

  • board worker says:

    In the past we had uncrowded lineups, secret spots, a community of surfers who shared the same reasons for living the surfing lifestyle. Now we can read about these things, buy “retro” products and dress as hippy surfers but when we paddle out and find 50+ agro fuckers at almost any clasic wave in the world, we realise that surfing has “progressed” irreversably to something most of us would rather not have.

    We can’t change history but maybe we can change the future. For fucks sake why do we tolerate tow surfing and support it by buying mags and videos about it. Can’t anyone see that in 20 years there will be tow surfers at every lineup no matter what the size of the waves. We can listen to the bullshit about pro’s not towing when it is possible to paddle but this is crap they tow whenever they like. Let’s face it when guys start to tow not many people can be bothered to keep paddling because they won’t get any waves and the whole vibe of surfing is ruined when a jetski is buzzing around the lineup.

    We have pro contests using jetski’s to get guys out the back more quickly, to get more waves, to make the webcasts more exciting. Pro surfers complaing if there isn’t jetski assist - what the hell is the matter with these guys, can’t they see that whatever they do the rest of the surfing world will follow. For christs sake can’t pro’s stop using jetskis and tell the world how fucked they are for surfing.

    If this carries on for much longer I’ll get my own ski, take the waves I want now and fuck everyone else, before the crowds of jetskis arrive at the 4 foot points and beachies we all surf!!

  • BrodyStylez says:

    @ BW
    Thankfully, the greed of large agribusiness chasing biofuel subsidies may have the unintended consequence in eliminating Jetskis from the lineup. I have heard rumors that any ethanol in gasoline will destroy the jet engine in a matter of weeks. Supposedly, the ethanol eats away they gas tank, and this noxious mixture gums up the jet engine, rendering it inoperable. While millions died of starvation due to the accompanying increase in food prices resulting from the biofuel subsidies, it may be worth it if the scourge of jet assisted surfing is wiped from the face of the Earth.

  • Me says:

    Wow, this site got good again.

  • SmyrnaJeff says:

    @ Me

    The site usually gets good when Mark comes back.

  • James Taylor says:

    @ Mark

    Carly Simon = Cumdumpster

  • Mark says:

    @ Soup

    Good comment. I was standing in line at the DMV for 3 hours yesterday dreaming of June 09 at Ala Moana Bowl. As my eyes closed and my thoughts drifted back to vertical drops and pidgin screams I was rudely awakened by a growling DMV clerk and the overwhelming chatter of 300 mexicans talking at once.
    “Why the hell did you move back here?”, the 84 IQ clerk asked as she eyed my Hawaiian license and her fourth chin morphed right in front of my eyes into five. ” Better schools, job opportunities, lower cost of living etc. etc.”. I gave the generic answers to the age old questions. I did not tell her the real reason. Lewis knows what it is.

  • Mark says:

    @ Mike

    I have a cure for your recent bout with unhappiness and disillusion with surfing.

    This October I want you to wait until the first serious 10 foot northwest swell hammers the north shore. Then I want you to pack an 8 foot gun and drive your prius from Tarzana down to LAX and fly to Oahu. When you get there go and rent a car and then drive 34 miles north until you see the Sunset Beach lifeguard tower. You will recognize it because Owl Chapman will be sitting in his red civic reading a book about 40 yards away. Then I want you to wax up and paddle straight out the channel and directly over towards the Point without even waiting to see a set.

    Then I want you to let yourself get horribly caught inside by a 20 foot face west peak and dragged in over towards the reef at Boneyards. After that you will adjust your poop stained no name shorts ( wouldn’t want to be caught supporting those money grubbing surf companies) then you will paddle back out and catch some waves.

    Mike I assure you that this time honored tradition will work wonders for your mental state and that your next comment on Post Surf will be full of positive vibes and that you will ease up on the whole “money vs. humanity” crap.

    Your welcome bro.

  • Fat git says:

    Good post the Lewis but c’mon, you don’t prescribe to a belief, you subscribe to it.

    (I am sometimes known for pedantry)

  • SGT. Cock says:

    MARK……..!!!!!!

    HOLY SWEET FUCKING JESUS!!!!!…..YOU ARE AN OUTSTANDING AMERICAN!!!

    CARRY ON.

  • Me says:

    I agree about towing. I was planning a trip to Chile because I wanted long uncrowded lefts. The first thing that pops up when doing research is that at the best left, dicks pay jet skis to tow them back out to the point and just jump off on to the peak while the (in my opinion) real surfers that have been paddling their asses off against the current get snaked. Are you kidding me? In Chile? I wonder where this idea came from?? A surf contest? From a surf contest that ruined a local spot, so called La Jolla in Mexico?? Paddling is partially what differentiates good surfers from bad. A current spreads crowds out and if you are in shape you will get waves. Now anyone can just pay a buck and step off at the peak?? I understand that there are a ton of other waves down there but if you fly to all the way to Chile don’t you want to surf the best one at least once? If somebody stepped off a jet ski and snaked me after paddling my ass off I think I would end up in a dank Chilean jail.

  • Mark says:

    SGT. Cock is Lewis. True story.

  • Heinz Phillips says:

    You guys hear what happened to Slater, Machado, Pat O, and Taylor Steeleeez in Seattle?:

    http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/theblotter/2009787305_–_from_times_staff_reporter_2.html?fatty=yes

  • Mike says:

    Yeah, Marks back, dropping names and taking credit for the post he can’t even comment on. Think of him as our own Dr Phil, with his inside jokes to Oprah…. errrrr Lewis.

  • Artie says:

    ah, good, Mark, the god-loving, liberal-hating high-school grad is back.

  • M says:

    Does anything really ever change?

    “I am gross and perverted
    Im obsessed n deranged
    I have existed for years
    But very little had changed”

    quote, Zappa

  • Mike says:

    @ Artie…… I don’t think Mark ever claimed that he graduated High School, did he? Imaginery friends (Smyrna J), imaginery dieties, imaginery ideologies, and a hair pin temper…. Nothing would surprise me.

  • The Nug says:

    @M
    That’s some Lumpy Gravy right there. In your honor I will name my next board “Slime.”

  • Crusty Native says:

    I’m still marinating on the 5 really good waves I caught last week. That is the thing about surfing. It’s like pussy or dope, a good session keeps you thinking for awhile.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsHscJ168Cc

  • Jamon Bagel says:

    If you, like me, suffer from nostalgia for the days of using your arms to catch waves, then join my breakfast coalition in supporting the following:

    “Vessel” = SUP = PWC = kayak = Banished from surf breaks.

    Speaking of banishment, I like that Mark’s first act upon returning was to try to ban Schlurg. If Mark has never tried to ban you, then you just aren’t trying hard enough!

  • Mudo says:

    Stellar post Lewis. As others have noted, that’s why I read this blog.

    @ Mark/Mike - get a mother fucking room, your shit is tired and no one wants to read your lame banter. Or how about this novel concept for the both of you, GO SURFING! fucking retards.

  • You suck and are a kook for havig a fuckin webite that talks about surfing, my friend that sent me the link to surfermag that led me here is a fukkin kook for thinkin I would give a shit about what a kook like you thinks and I’m a fukkin kook for actually taking time out of my day to read this moronic shiat!!! To top it off I’m a double dick kook for responding to your fukkin limpdick kookbag fukkin article. Fuck off and eatcocks you douchebag wannabe failedproho biatch. I’m out and back to my ban on all surf media. Later ya fukkin loser.

  • Clifford Pallete says:

    ^^ Mom? Is that you?

  • trauzersnake says:

    Pitchenbitches=double-dick cumdumpster for taking time to spew his diarrhea comment.

  • soup says:

    the language comprehension skills of pitchen:

    blahblahblahblahblahdickblahblahblahblahkookblahblahfukblahblahblahblahblahdickblahblahblahblahblahkookblahblahblahblahkookblahblahblahblahblahshitblahblahshitblahblahdickblahblahkookblahblahfukblahblahblahblahfukimoutta here

  • Rob says:

    Mark, why do you and your conservative ilk hate your country so much? If you truly loved it, you wouldn’t spew hatred towards your liberal brethren; rather, you would embrace regardless of the reaction you receive and learn to not take living in this great country for granted.

  • Stranger Than Fiction says:

    So which political party is God associated with?

  • Mark says:

    @ Rob

    If I see you in the water I will punch you. Kook.

  • Mark says:

    And BTW Rob. You shoulda sprayed Slaters eyelids shut instead of high fivin him. Fuckin liberal fag.

  • Hog Flu says:

    @ Rob

    Hedgey would dust you in a heat at North Narra. Fuckin hippy.

  • Things that make you go Hmmmm says:

    @ Rob

    What character trait do you feel you were lacking that caused someone of your talent level to not win a world title?

    Was it drive? Fiery passion? Or was it simply a lack of sack? I bet thats what Stuart Bedford-Brown would say.

    Hmmmmmmm.

  • Nathan Myers says:

    How can you say the magic has been drained out of surfing???

    Just watch this clip and you’ll be saved: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZsFaNImf7Mw&feature=player_embedded

    This is what it’s all about.

  • Ass Napkin Ed says:

    I thought you died, Cliff?

  • Mark says:

    @ Nathan Myers

    My wife and I walked our dog Eddie on that beach today.

  • West Hollywood says:

    @Will
    Lewis guest stars on ASL’s website in Cali Road trip video…
    http://www.surfinglife.com.au/videos/hot100

    Are you sure that was Lewis? That guy seemed much too nice. Rather soft spoken and polite. Not our Lewis!

  • OCSN says:

    OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!OMG! OMG! OMG!

  • I read this blog everyday. If I agree with it or not, it still entertains me and keeps me coming back day after day. In the last few weeks things have not exactly kept my attention very well. But this one….Spot on! This is the kid of thing that us as surfers need to be aware of and always remember why we go surfing. Wether wrong or right…we do it for our own personal reasons and those reasons may or may not be the same as the guy/girl in the line up next to you. In a nutshell…”Go surfin” becuase you want to and dont not go surfing becuase people give you the “stink eye”! Lewis Samuels….Keep up the good work….Hope that made sence!

  • OCSN says:

    Hugs from the Mollusk.

  • Pitchenbitches…..Comment of the week!

  • Why hasn’t anyone posted that clip of Lewis Samuels speaking in the parking lot of a well known NorCal spot while some Ozzy groms surf?

    I ‘THINK’ it was posted on ASL.

  • You know the one entitled “Rivers Cuomo discusses surfing with hairless Ozzy Gremmies?”

  • Mark says:

    @ Blashphemy, your act is getting older and older.

  • Yes Mark, just like my cock grows longer and longer (no offense Trauzer).

    At some point, you just learn to accept it… in the same way your mother’s nebulous crotch has over the years.

    Cheers!

  • Seaman Staines says:

    SUP YOGA.
    quote taken from the bible of all things SUP the standup journal….
    ” What’s in the future for Standup Journal?
    Funny you’d ask, because we address that exact topic in the “Spring” issue that hits surf shops and Borders, etc. on March 24th with 60-page photo feature called “Avenues” that opens everybody’s eyeballs to sup yoga, sup canoeing, sup ocean adventuring, lots of wave shots, sup touring Holland, Morocco.”
    Why does this make me so angry?
    SUP fucking yoga now thats a modern compaint.

  • white folks with dreads are funny says:

    After reading Mark’s comment about “300 Mexicans” I will go out on a limb and guess that he has probably let loose the N word in regards to Obama or black folks in general……and probably a few Hawaiians as well. But I am sure he has no problem with the “good” blacks. Just a hunch.

  • World's Biggest Dick says:

    I could crush everyone with it if I felt like it!

  • Mark says:

    @ White folks with dreads are funny

    I have never used the n word. Not even once. Some of my best friends are african american and I would vote for a president of ANY color if I liked his or her policies and ideas. If my daughter came home and said she was madly in love with a black man-mexican-hawaiian-samoan-indian etc. etc. I would support her 100%.
    The only person I would not want my daughter to marry would be B.R. And maybe Trauzersnake. And G.T. and Donovan Frankenreiter. And Artie. And maybe Gabe Kling. Stu would be acceptable.

  • Fidel says:

    Can I marry your daughter Mark?

  • trauzersnake says:

    120!!!!! you filthy semen swishers!!!!

  • RYMB says:

    This one is for you Jamon and Seaman:

    “The Lake Havasu Project”

    http://www.surfersvillage.com/surfing/42785/news.htm

    Solution to the most modern complaint. What God intended them to do, some might suggest.

  • OCSN says:

    Hawaii. The great equalizer.
    Trauzercunt and Blasphemoid have missed the boat. As we speak, thousand of dreaded out trustafarians are worshipping a giant phallus.

    http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/object/article?f=/g/a/2009/09/02/BurningMan09.DTL&o=0

  • Schlurg says:

    SUPs in lakes is cool w me
    Like to commend Mark on his racial tolerance.
    Any word on Peqena?
    Jimena raked Constitution to San Ignacio.
    Lot a People in a world of hurt.

  • e. says:

    Lewis. Sometimes your rants bore me. Sometimes they make me laugh. Occasionally you hit the nail on the head, and this post is absolutely brilliant.

  • trauzersnake says:

    @OCSN/BVB

    I Loathe Thee. True story. Ya goddamn asshat.

  • white folks with dreads are funny says:

    @ mark

    ok. i will give you a pass BUT the statement “Some of my best friends are african American…” is ALWAYS a little dodgy. Your posts just remind me of my “people” back in rural Dekalb county. Very religious, blindly patriotic, good ol’ boys and gals that will give you the shirt off their back…..unless you are gay, an atheist, a tree hugger, etc.

  • Alaska Bob says:

    Between Steph at the Dollar and Owen at Kelly’s the Aussies are getting fucking skunked over here. LOL. Hopefully they end up in between Morro Bay and Pismo where their Dad TC got chased out of the water back in the day. Fuck it, I got a ranch key for both of the motor homes.

  • Shakedown Caddy says:

    @ Hoof Arted says:

    Have you ever heard the saying “Wherever you go, there you are?”

    To me this is spot on. The other saying I would also suggest:

    “You Are Traffic”

    Yes, we are all traffic in the water, regardless of what we ride. LS, be careful where you shine this spotlight, as this site bemoans the present in a way that pines for… what? Better to find a new sport where there is no nostalgia and no overcrowding issues, like kiteboarding. That junky blown out beach break? Now it’s the ultimate ramp/park.

  • B.Rose says:

    Nice article, man.

  • OCSN says:

    If you surf here you will face all manner of treachery. I am only one of hundreds. All it takes is one asshole to get the pack going. Everything gets eaten, destroyed, hacked. No sharing involved. A lot of bulging. Therefore, expect what you give.

  • wet_boardies says:

    no complaining. just surfing.

    NOW EAT MY SPRAY.

  • Snigga says:

    Rob rocked into town here in Northland, NZ a couple of years ago and showed us how a wave can be ridden. No sucking up to dignitaries but big ups from me for your surfing abilities dude. All you crafty wordsmiths: ur better at surfing the net than your local paddlepool, i betcha. If actions speak louder than words… I’d like to see it

    Jetskis: yes please, stuff nostalgia. I want to catch waves, not battle a current forever. I don’t want anyone else to have 1 though.

    Hookers ripping off drunks: classy!

    Gimme more of those cheesy yarns you sick puppies

  • Snigga says:

    oh kikked a dead horse i realise now. Ah well, a revival

  • d bell says:

    one look at the cluster fuck contest scene at trestles and it all becomes clear why
    surfers see something in the simplicity of riding a wooden plank.
    in a fucked up world full of toxic plastic corporate crap, candy assed suck up shills, and too many empty choices,
    trying to get one simple thing right can be lifelong therapy.
    human, wave, plank–trim. it’s the perfect remedy for our modern, polluted times.
    it’s also music to my ears, and it doesn’t have a goddamned thing to do with *nostalgia*.
    so remember samuels, we don’t all fit in your
    procrustian bed (but i appreciate your efforts anyway).

  • Thanks for the tips and suggestion. I will keep visiting on your blog, I enjoy reading it.

  • This is really cool! Heroes has to be one of the greatest shows ever!

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  • An apes an ape a varlets a varlet though they be clad in silk or scarlet.

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  • Les Kreh says:

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