This is not real life.
Go towards the light. The exit is up ahead.
Finish reading this post, close the window behind you, and emerge into the brightness of a new day. There's nothing here for you anymore. The PostSurf project is complete.
I am not Lewis Samuels.
That ended long ago, amidst the pixels and fuckery, clammy clickthroughs, custard pudding bastards, vitriolic comments, tags, tapioca fuckwits and strewn code. A writer does not write the truth about themselves. They leverage words to obscure things. They write the truth about other people, and leave themselves out of it.
The surf industry is not surfing. My brief forays into the dark, sickly heart of the matter have reminded me of that. Over the course of the last nine months on PostSurf, I've simply tried to remind others of this fact. The PostSurf story has proven my point.
Now I'm choosing to be born again, from the ashes of this enterprise. We learn inevitably, and with regret, that there are powers out there greater than ourselves. So now I'm free to wander squalid foreign shores; free to use words to obscure new truths in different ways.
If it seems like there's more to this decision than what I've revealed... well, remember what I told you about writers.
Stu forgot how to spell his name Mark and he added an “an”.
American’s live to be lied to and NEVER ask any questions… the definition of democracy.
9/11… not worth investigating genuinely.
Saddam and weapons of Mass Destruction… a formality.
Allowing Hankie boy Paulson the keys to the printer and complete secrecy…. good economic policy.
Allowing Phizer, Insurance Corps and the AMA to deliver health care…. trust them.
Monsanto writing laws prohibiting organic farming…. why would they lie?
Blackwater “contractors” extorting the tax payers…. conspiracy theorists should not be tolerated.
Mark, get your flu vaccination, swine flu vaccination, avian flu vaccination, guzzle some Oxy and turn Rush up real loud. That dude is the real deal. God bless Unmerica, home of the timid and fearful.
Where’s the Mailman? Isn’t he responsible to keep this corpse on life support?!
Sorry I’m late, the surf has been pretty good over here, but not quite Big enough for the World’s Biggest Dick…I still killed it, as always!
Don’t fuck with the Mailman, you Fucks! Say the word Dave, and I’ll squash every one of them with it, o.K.???
Real Mark, you sure ask a lot of questions. And glad your flattered. You are the Man in the Mirror my brother.
I want that woman anyway, fucked up, I want that woman anyway, drunk as hell, I want that woman anyway, cokewhore or not, I found God.
my guess is that Surfline hired a LOY-Yer to threaten Lewis with a trademark infringement lawsuit for violating “their” trademark.
although, artistically, Power Rankings was originally Lewis’ idea - he pitched it to Surfline in the first place.
apparently, Sean Collins has forgotten that he was one day a teeny weeny start-up also.
what can YOU do ? cancel your Surfline membership, obtain your surf forecasting info from Wetsand & NOAA, e.g.
/\ ain’t that BEAUTIFUL ? look at that big red blob heading our way.
/\ Hawaii surf is 8@8. not much going on.
Celebrity is kind of the man on this thing these days. Nice and twisted. Not to say that Voice is not holding his own. And yeah, Dave, where you at? For those of us that live a bit vicariously, you need to provide a bit of sustenance. The surf has been pretty good out here though. And it’s about to get a lot bigger. Not as big as WBD, but pretty fucking big nonetheless. I’ll be out somewhere.
If Mark is fake, is there a fake Mark?
Too bad Erik is no longer with you vultures of Postsurf, because he could explore that conundrum…. rotting in the oven of an abandoned blog.
Getting close to 1000 unintentional comments on a vacant post, Lewis proves that death is prolific.
what’d I miss?
memoirs of the very end of ‘Ferris Buellers Day Off’…go home!
Dear Mrs. Occhilupo,
I really appreciate the mention. I’m sure you are a kind and gentle lady. Please, send my regards to your most excellent son, who inspired me in many, many ways to be the person I am today, not to mention his contribution to surf as an art first, but as a sport also.
Maybe someday we can share a meat pie and a lager, smoke some home grown, or some kush if you preffer (they come in many flavors), while watching your son catch some waves. And when we get fucked up enough, we could tandem on a SUP. Or you can come to my place and we’ll party our asses off 24h, just forget the surfing, so there’ll be no tomorow. If your son wants he can come too.
Sincerely yours,
Celeb
Fake Mark @ 11/4 3;40 pm was not Fake Mark
I’m flattered for the impersonation. It takes some balls to imitate an asshole impersonating an imbecile that doesn’t seem to have to try to be an imbecile.
At least you note that you are not the real Mark.
— ADVERTORIAL BELOW —
A few new locations and an interview @
— ADVERTORIAL ABOVE —
come on lewis…on last power rankings before hawaii!!!
maybe Lew went Left at Maverick’s.
Comment of the year, Fake Mark @1:22
Even pacified Mark while branding him an imbecile.
Now that’s multitasking…..
Almost Eight…
Sorry guys… I’ve been detoxing a bit from the whole blog thing. Actually getting chewed out right now for catching up on comments instead of packing for a mid-week vacation jaunt to St. Emillion for some wine tasting and French cuisine within the 14th century walls of one of France’s finest viticulture villages. Let you know how the grapes have been fermenting in a few days!
Speaking of the whole “flogging a dead horse” thing, I love how even the guys who say PostSurf is dead and gone still keep coming back for more… Morbid curiosity, perhaps?
Seriously though, once we hit a thousand comments on this dead horse, everybody needs to abandon ship and head over to the new Noah’s Ark of surf bloggery at nugable.com. Seriously!
800! do i win somting?
You win jack shit Croyde. Congratulations.
talk about fuckery. heated wetsuits are fuckery. why? becasue now yahoo kooks are taking over my icy waves.
fuck. ery
Hey Stu, Gator, ReB, Occy’s Mum, and others…. get your sorry asses over to nugable.com…… it’s been rockin the last few weeks.
Stop diving around this fossilized wreckage and get on the Nug train baby.
Makukai Rothman 4th place first heat at Reef. GO WOLFPAK…way to represent the North Shore. Now please stop bitching about how polynesians are poorly represented.
Question:
If Lewis grew his hair our and curled the tips, would he look like Kenny G busting the solo at the end of Weezer’s ‘I’m Your Daddy?’
“our” = ‘out’.
The hell with alkeehall.
who was post 666? and who’ll be number 999? just puked over my keyboard… fuck
YO YO YO mystotweeker WHATS UP REPRESENT !! Ai Ai.
HURLY BURLY PIT BULL FACE BRO. GANGSTA SURFBRO FROM ENCINITAHOLE. HURL. SURFLINE. THE RABBLE NO FIX ONLY A DRAINING OF THE SOUL I AM ROB AMCHAACHI de ROB MACHUHOBROSURFBROHOHOHO..
OAKEY.
Shut up. I surfed the big swell in all the counties and met up with some old friends. Real people. Not these poseurs of some distant past brought forward. Surfbrobarnoho ho ho.
Attention! The Sate of California now sucks surfing sucks balls. Rinconmanboywhore, the older fucks, the young punks, the Slaterettes and the Robus Muchasas tight assed SAM GEORGEO SAM GEORGEO SAM GEORGEO redneck republican children inbred coastline. Pit of hell. Stay out.
^^^Could not have said it better myself^^^
And yes, BR, he might. Then again, he might not. Worth pondering further.
Whatever you do…
… do not go to nugable.com.
Please go to Stab, TransWorld or LikeBitchin for some real uber-cool articles. The homoerotic undercurrents to almost every article in each of those magazines should be ignored, if possible, as it is extremely sensitive to the multiple authors who are radically rebellious.
nuglable whatever
dane’s blog is the shit
marinelayerproductions.com
It’s been real fellas.
so this shithouse has become a fucking advertising space for bullshit surfblogs and gaywear. everybody is a fucking writer/journalist/fashionist/fascist/shreder/littledogfucker/dopesmoker/narcisist/occylupos wannabees. why don’t you go get high, drugs are good!
how much money do surfers make from video sections?
Is it a percentage of the overall sales? Or a flat rate payment up front for their participation?
At this rate, I don’t know if we’re going to hit 850, let alone a thousand comments… and that is probably a good thing. For anyone still checking in, France was big (double/triple overhead) and clean early last week in the Basque Country, and overhead + in Hossegor with Wednesday and Thursday serving up the barrels that all of us expats came here for. My shoulders and neck still hurt 4 days later. Since then it’s been huge, and Mundaka has been firing and will be for the rest of the week…
Oh… I almost forgot. Taj’s Burro will be happy to know a little bird told me that, apparently, the Rebel Tour has not gone down for the count… yet. Sounds like they’re grasping at straws, but you never know!
Does anyone know if the judges can see what each rider needs to advance when they are scoring a wave?
Seems to me they should not have access to those numbers, but should just each wave for what they think it’s worth…never even knowing who needs what to advance.
Thoughts?
Anyone know what color singlet has the highest winning percentage?
I’m wondering if there is any bias towards any color….
Coke spiel or what?!
Dave Stansfield has got to go!
Fuckin obnoxios.
Adonde es el Fake Mark?
Ritchie,
Only the head judge has access to the heat situation on the computer screen in the judging tower. However, they don’t wear earplugs, so they can hear when the beach announcers call out the situation, and what the guys need to get through the heat. But they don’t have the score needed to advance written in front of them when they are putting down a score for a wave ridden, and the Head Judge doesn’t tell them either. They are supposed to put down their scores in comparison to scores given for other rides during the heat and earlier in the day if the surf conditions haven’t changed considerably.
Stat Man,
I suspect you are joking, but in case you aren’t, the red singlet is always the highest seeded surfer in the early rounds, so they would be favored to win the most heats. White is the next highest seed, then Yellow then Blue/Black. I don’t think anyone has taken the time to break down win percentages by color, but honestly, I don’t think it makes any difference what color singlet a guy is wearing. Same with clear boards or airbrushed. The judges just watch the surfing.
Hello?! ..(echo ) echo ) ..?
Good ..nobody home. Let me just take a dump right here.. HHhhmmmrfff ..ahh.
Just going to drop this link down on top of sla-olie’s dump… for anyone interested in a slightly humorous take on the Euro leg from Britain’s finest scribe.
Shit! Forgot the link:
Postsurf is dead.
Here’s some useless info from Mike Newman to chuck into the grave…
Hi All
Been a while since I have emailed you guys…
With Pipeline just around the corner
I thought the world should know that there
are some major milestones that will/might
happen in the last event of the season…
‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’
“Ten milestones that will/might’ go down at Pipeline”.
Slater 800th heat surfed on Dream Tour.
Currently 181 events .. 799 heats .. 602 heats .. 75% win ratio ..
111 quarters .. 83 semis .. 58 finals for 41 wins (252 finals)
(will definatly happen)
Parko 350th heat surfed on Dream Tour.
Currently 92 events .. 349 heats .. 235 heats .. 67% win ratio ..
45 quarters .. 29 semis .. 20 finals for 12 wins (94 finals)
(will definatly happen)
C.J 200th heat win on Dream Tour.
Currently 111 events … 356 heats … 196 wins … 55% win ratio …
32 quarters .. 17 semis .. 7 finals for 4 wins. (56 finals)
(Needs to reach the final to achieve this milestone)
Freddy P 150th heat surfed on Dream Tour.
Currently 52 events .. 147 heats .. 68 heats .. 46% win ratio ..
9 quarters .. 6 semis .. 2 finals for 0 wins (17 finals)
(Needs to reach semi final)
Ace 100th heat surfed on Dream Tour.
Currently 35 events .. 99 heats .. 43 heats .. 43% win ratio ..
8 quarters .. 3 semis .. 1 finals for 1 wins (12 finals)
(will definatly happen)
Picon 100th heat surfed on Dream Tour.
Currently 42 events .. 96 heats .. 29 heats .. 30% win ratio ..
1 quarters .. 1 semis .. 0 finals for 1 wins (2 finals)
(Needs to reach the ¼ or semi final depending on draw)
Otton 50th heat win on Dream Tour.
Currently 30 events … 92 heats … 47 wins … 51% win ratio …
4 quarters .. 3 semis .. 1 finals for 0 wins. (8 finals)
(Needs to reach semi final)
Flores 50th heat win on Dream Tour.
Currently 31 events … 91 heats … 47 wins … 52% win ratio …
6 quarters .. 4 semis .. 1 finals for 0 wins. (11 finals)
(Needs to reach semi final)
Thomo 50th heat surfed on Dream Tour.
Currently 21 events .. 46 heats .. 13 heats .. 28% win ratio ..
(0 finals) (Needs to reach the ¼ or semi final depending on draw)
Weare 50th heat surfed on Dream Tour.
Currently 23 events .. 46 heats .. 9 heats .. 20% win ratio ..
(0 finals) (Needs to reach the ¼ or semi final depending on draw)
GOOD LUCK TO EVERYBODY ON THE ISLAND …
Aloha,
Mike Newman
Note; anybody who is using facebook, look me up and become a friend
Name is;
Mike Newman Ras Surfstats
From that really blond guy that bores you all to tears…
Hi Guys just wondering if you could pass this onto anyone with a website that can get the word out. Also to the guys on tour.
Hi All
Just want to inform you guys that there is going to be a fundraiser for Kehau Sullivan youngest and newest addition to the Pancho Sullivan Family. Kehau was born with heart troubles and has already had an operation to help her keep going. She will need around 4 operations in her lifetime and as we all know insurance will only cover so much. We all know Pancho from when he was on tour and being a North Shore standout forever. Pancho did so much to help out whilst he was on tour and has always been willing to lend a helping hand to anyone that has ever needed it. So lets show our love and support by helping him and his beautiful family.
Myles Padaca and his wife have organized a fundraiser night on the 5th December at Breakers 6pm to help Pancho and Haunani with the huge medical costs. There is a website where you can donate money and there is also going to be an on-line board auction so if you have a spare board feel free to contact Myles and help out with the cause. Myles’ contact details are mylespadaca@gmail.com and the link to donate money is
Lets all pitch in and help such a wonderful loving family so they can concentrate on getting little Kehau strong and healthy for a long and amazing life.
Thanks for your time.
Mick Fanning
Kala on a SUP at Sunset? What!?
corpse smells bad, like humans do, vomit and larvae
Glad I didnt have to paddle out!
i wonder how much longer Lewis will pay the monthly fee for this void in cyberspace.
Where is everyone going next once this place is kaput?
@whatevers
Check out Nugable.com
Nothing will be the same as PostSurf in its heyday. But we’ll take what we can get.
Otherwise, you can spend some quality time at sheepherdersfistingmulecarcasses.com - one of my favs.
Roll Tide.
I called it on Post Surf 10 months ago.
F u Lewis. You are a kook for abandoning these commenters like you did. You make George Bush in September 2005 New Orleans look like a hero. I myself can take it but many others STILL haven’t recovered.
BTW did I mention f u Lewis?
@Lonnie Rott
What do you know about the heyday of Post Surf?
KOOK!!!
Jamon Bagel wants no part of Waimea today. Sandwiches aren’t good at handling 2-wave hold downs in 25′ plus.
actually, I hope Lewis keeps this site going, because I use this bookmark to jump to the hobgoodses’ site. I don’t know why, but been doing it since day one.
Thanks Lew dog
G.T. = cum dumpster.
even I know I’m a cum dumpster
GO JOEL !
I hope I’m not jinxing him by rooting for him.
Round 3, Heat 2. Mick Fanning vs. Torrey Meister.
Would that have been Mick vs. Sunny ?
Mick comes up against AI in the quarters and Kelly in the semi’s, if he makes it that far.
If they make it that far, Joel meets the outcome of Bruce vs. Bede in Semi #2.
I think Mick has a tougher draw, made easier by Sunny’s mistake.
G O J O E L ! !
Go Adrian Buchan!!
Wait.
That sounded gay.
Gooooooo!!!1111!!!!!1 Liam McNamara!!!!11!!
Boooyaaa!!!
Mick Fanning is world champion. Now I go drink antifreeze.
Anyone who posts a comment after this is will wake up the next morning with Lewis Samuels 2″ pee pee and shrunken testes in their mouth.
Liam McNamara posted up a .33 in his heat.
Now, a. 33 would be a great DUI score.
But for a Pipe contest?
Hey Lewis,
How bout a courtesy post season power rankings eh? wudaya say?
And how about how Parko went out? Letting the 2009 championship slip thru his fingers.
Classic over the falls, ass over teakettle head dipster at Pipe.
At least he went out in style….. Wiped out with his pipe out.
Joel was ripped off. He didn’t get any scores because there weren’t many waves.
I think the ASP f*cked up - when careers & titles are on the line, they need to make sure that people get enough scoring waves to do their thing.
Actually I think Parko should have gone for it on that one wave - he’s enough of a miracle worker, he might have come out.
I agree - another Lewis Samuels PRankings would be good.
How about that Ding-dog guy?
Obviously, he can’t help himself. He likes it on the leash. So much so, someone needs to get the boy a fire hydrant.
Lance Burkhardt is so 1980’s. This is 2010. The leash grab has a new name. It’s now known as the Dog-boy.
Dingo-boy. Somehow, I think this is going to..
dog him for life.
I just realized as I watched the latest clip of garbage on another surfin’ website. It was a bunch of punk kids, mostly uneducated. Good looking people though. And, all they do is surf…and they surf well enough, that they don’t have to do anything else, as long as…and this is the catch. As long as they put stickers on their board and wear garments that someone who pays them, tells them to wear.
And it’s like…man, what a con! And so I realized.
These people are con artists.
We all do other things, which allows us to surf….sometimes. These guys are trained, professional con artists. Sunny Garcia, Taylor Knox…the longer they can do this, the bigger a con artists are.
Now can we be friends?
Surfing, conyouhearmenow…. these points you mention… Is it any different than any other sport? Is it any different than say, golf?
Nope.
Sit back and enjoy the ride. It’s not about to change.
Speaking of golf,… Eldrick Woods.
What’s the big deal?
After all his sponsors, Gillette, GatorAde, Nike, AT&T, slogans are…
The Best A Man Can Get.
Is It In You?
Just Do It.
Reach Out And Touch Someone.
what a load of cobblers
That was quite an entertaining contest.
re-watching the Morrison-Hobgood heat, it really looks like Dean grabbed Damo’s leash, as in, not an accident.
but i guess the judges let it go and that’s that.
no-one’s punched anybody lately. i think one of the Wildcards should go to Sunny.
maybe they could have a boxing-surfing contest, with Sunny and Mick Campbell on opposite sides of the draw.
I heard tiger just wanted to get some strange.
lewis give us the pleasure of a 2009 final power rankings !!!!
Anarchism is a political philosophy encompassing theories and attitudes which consider the state to be unnecessary, harmful, or otherwise undesirable, and favor instead a stateless society or anarchy.Individual anarchists may have additional criteria for what they conceive to be anarchism, and there is often broad disagreement concerning these broader conceptions. According to The Oxford Companion to Philosophy, “there is no single defining position that all anarchists hold, and those considered anarchists at best share a certain family resemblance.
There are many types and traditions of anarchism, not all of which are mutually exclusive.Strains of anarchism have been divided into the categories of socialist and individualist anarchism or similar dual classifications.Anarchism is often considered to be a radical left-wing ideology,and much of anarchist economics and anarchist legal philosophy reflect anti-statist interpretations of communism, collectivism, syndicalism or participatory economics; however, anarchism has always included an economic and legal individualist strain, with that strain supporting a market economy and private property (like traditional non-capitalist individualist anarchism and contemporary anarcho-capitalism)
Others, such as panarchists and anarchists without adjectives, neither advocate nor object to any particular form of organization as long as it is not compulsory. Some anarchist schools of thought differ fundamentally, supporting anything from extreme individualism to complete collectivism. The central tendency of anarchism as a social movement have been represented by communist anarchism, with individualist anarchism being primarily a philosophical or literary phenomenon. Some anarchists fundamentally oppose all forms of aggression, supporting self-defense or non-violence, while others have supported the use of some coercive measures, including violent revolution and terrorism, on the path to an anarchist society
The term anarchism derives from the Greek ἄναρχος, anarchos, meaning “without rulers”, from the prefix ἀν- (an-, “without”) + ἀρχή (archê, “sovereignty, realm, magistracy”)+ -ισμός (-ismos, from the suffix -ιζειν, -izein “-izing”). There is some ambiguity with the use of the terms “libertarianism” and “libertarian” in writings about anarchism. Since the 1890s from France, the term “libertarianism” has often been used as a synonym for anarchism and was used almost exclusively in this sense until the 1950s in the United States; its use as a synonym is still common outside the United States. Accordingly, “libertarian socialism” is sometimes used as a synonym for socialist anarchism, to distinguish it from “individualist libertarianism” (individualist anarchism). On the other hand, some use “libertarianism” to refer to individualistic free-market philosophy only, referring to free-market anarchism as “libertarian anarchism.”
Happy fucking new year everybody. Lewis, see you in ‘10 you silly bitch.
@TDTF,
This comment is intended as a kind of vaccine, an inoculation if you will, against the lies that permeate anarchism’s ballyhoos. Here’s my side of the story: Anarchism’s coadjutors have learned their scripts well and the rhetoric comes gushing forth with little provocation. Think about it. This is a suitable place in the letter to explain how social stability and family unity are two things that cranky blackguards have no concern for. Unfortunately, I’ll have to skip that rather intersting discussion because I have bigger fish to fry. In particular, I need to tell you that anarchism’s depraved dream is starting to come true. Liberties are being killed by attrition. Lysenkoism is being installed by accretion. The only way that we can reverse these counter-productive trends is to deal with anarchism appropriately. To be precise, if fascism were an Olympic sport, it would clinch the gold medal.
Armed only with a white shirt, pocket protector, slide rule, thick glasses, and some other neat stuff, I have determined that anarchism is indifferent as to whether its words mean anything or not. Why do I tell you this? Because these days, no one else has the guts to. Even if one isn’t completely conversant with current events, the evidence overwhelmingly indicates that we are observing the change in our society’s philosophy and values from freedom and justice to corruption, decay, cynicism, and injustice. All of these “values” are artistically incorporated in one person: anarchism. “What’s that?”, I hear you ask. “Is it true that I call upon the entire free world to face our problems realistically, get to the root of our problems, and be determined to solve them?” Why, yes, it is.
If anything, there are some basic biological realities of the world in which we live. These realities are doubtless regrettable, but they are unalterable. If anarchism finds them intolerable and unthinkable, the only thing that I can suggest is that it try to flag down a flying saucer and take passage for some other solar system, possibly one in which the residents are oblivious to the fact that society must soon decide either to catalogue anarchism’s swindles and perversions or else to let anarchism take advantage of human fallibility to make us too confused, demoralized, and disunited to put up an effective opposition to its prevarications. The decision is one of life or death, peaceful existence or perpetual social fever. I can hope only that those in charge realize that someone once said to me, “Anarchism’s threats were designed from day one to control what we do and how we do it.” This phrase struck me so forcefully that I have often used it since. Now that you’ve heard what I’ve had to say, I want you to think about it. And I want you to join me and move as expeditiously as possible to acknowledge that you should never be impressed by positions or titles but only by honorable deeds.
Now.
Tell me if I am wrong?
Oh, and T.D.T.F., bring it with a little more substance next time, lightweight.
Cheers!
-Your mother
Thanks for the memories lewis!
WHOO FUCKING YEW
Henry David Thoureau
@Shamu
how about your mother, you narrowmindedprick
@T.D.T.F.
Why… thank you, oh dense one. May your narrow skull be pricked by the rod of obvious sarcasm so your teensy little brain can ingest elementary humor the next time you invoke my mother’s name in response to a tedious cut-and-paste session with another’s wiser words.
Ah hell, who tha frikes cares. We’re both masturbating at the well of boobless, assless, and wombless lasses called PostSurf ferchrissakes. We might as well Google Bea Arthur pictures in an effort to satisfy our fetish for foolish rants.
I lift a heavily gyrating right arm to you, my brother in useless exercises.
Peace and good tidings.
I got drunk last night and did some thinking.
Surfing is really all about fluid dynamics. Specifically, we’re talking about control percentage of the surface of the board. this Kelly Slater guy is onto something here, with his short gay boards.
See, take a 6 foot board, now avg surfer stands with his feet about 2 feet apart, which means, he is only controlling 33% of the board. Got that? the ability to transfer weight forward or back (to control the board) is only taking place on 33% of the board! Skateboards have a near 100% control ratio! On top of that, since surfboards have at least 2 center of balance transition points, 1 being the apex of the rail, the other being the apex of the rocker, the irony of this 33% control over the board equation, is that surfers can only control the BACK third of a surfboard in which the center rocker and center rail apex are “outside” the zone of control.
Now, if the center of rail apex and board rocker were to be placed betweeen both feet, rather than in front of the front foot, Surfing would see a performance progression the likes of skatboarding, snowboarding, etc….
I believe this is the futer and we are probably pretty close considering I came to all of this after drinking.
In this brief comment I would like to respond directly to surfing’s immoral refrains (as hinted to in the diminutive paragraphs above). However, considering its inability to cope with the truth I feel that doing so would be a great disservice to surfing at this time. So, instead, I’ll devote the rest of this letter to explaining as politely as possible how I sincerely find it more irritating than a hair shirt. The following text regards my complaints of recent days against it and its subtle but pouty attempts to scrap the notion of national sovereignty.
Surfing obviously didn’t have to pass an intelligence test to get to where it is today because its knowledge of how things work is completely off the mark. First of all, what we’re seeing is a domino effect of events that started with it stating that our unalienable rights are merely privileges that it can dole out or retract. That prevarication incited its spin doctors to cashier anyone who tries to make surfing answer for its wrongdoings. Snotty duffers reacted, in turn, by forcing me to sell my soul to the devil. The next domino to fall, not surprisingly, was a widespread increase in incendiarism, and that’s the event that galvanized me to tell everyone that surfing is interpersonally exploitative. That is, it takes advantage of others to achieve its own disagreeable ends. Why does it do that? The answer is obvious if you understand that ancient Greek dramatists discerned a peculiar virtue in being tragic. Surfing would do well to realize that they never discerned any virtue in being conniving.
Surfing’s cronies are too lazy to unmask surfing’s true face and intentions in regard to alcoholism. They just want to sit back, fasten their mouths on the public teats, and casually forget that if surfing’s snarky words became more widespread, it would spell the ruination of this country. Surfing swims in a sea of propagandism, the waters of which roil with anger and resentment. Most of that anger and resentment is directed towards people like me who examine surfing’s worldview from the perspective of its axiology (values) and epistemology (ways of knowing). One wonders if surfing has the cheek to seek temporary tactical alliances with tyrannical wimps in order to envelop us in a nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror. I clearly hope not because it surely needs a healthy dose of conflict-resolution and peer-mediation training. An obvious parallel from a slightly different context is that I have begged surfing’s gofers to step forth and break the neck of surfing’s policy of jujuism once and for all. To date, not a single soul has agreed to help in this fashion. Are they worried about how surfing might retaliate? Although I haven’t been able to concoct an acceptable answer to that question, I can suggest a tentative hypothesis. My hypothesis is that surfing has come up with proven methods to identify political and religious groups that are its political enemies and re-label them as “noisome dummkopfs” in order to justify operations against them. All you have to do is let your guard down.
I used a phrase a few moments ago. I referred to surfing’s supporters as “sanctimonious busybodies.” You ought to memorize that phrase because, frankly, I recently overheard a couple of superficial, nugatory bohemians say that the average working-class person can’t see through surfing’s chicanery. Here, again, we encounter the blurred thinking that is characteristic of this surfing-induced era of slogans and propaganda. To redefine success and obscure failure is an injustice. Even giving surfing the benefit of the doubt, there’s a time to keep silent and a time to speak. There’s a time to love and a time to hate. There’s a time for war and a time for peace. And, I claim, there’s a time to express our concerns about surfing’s blathering manuscripts. Or, to put it less poetically, surfing is an opportunist. That is, it is an ideological chameleon, without any real morality, without a soul.
If a cogent, logical argument entered surfing’s brain, no doubt a concussion would result. For those of you out there who don’t know what I’m talking about, let me give you a quick explanation: Surfing does, occasionally, make a valid point. But when it says that the world can be happy only when its coterie is given full rein, that’s where the facts end and the ludicrousness begins. I can repeat with undiminished conviction something I said eons ago: In public, surfing promises that it’d never turn public education into a warm, fuzzy, touchy-feely experience whose purpose is socialization, not learning. In private, however, it secretly tells its chums that it’ll do exactly that. I think we’ve seen this movie before: It’s called Business as Usual for surfing. You should be sure to let me know your ideas about how to deal with surfing. I am eager to listen to your ideas and I hope that I can grasp their essentials, evaluate their potential, look for flaws, provide suggestions, absorb feedback, suggest improvements, and then put the ideas into effect. Only then can we condemn surfing’s hypocrisy. Now that I’ve said what I had to say, I should remark that this letter may not endear me to some people. Indeed, it may even cost me a friend or two. However, friends do not let friends get trampled by hate-filled smear merchants like surfing. The truth is the truth and we pay a steep price whenever we ignore it.
Thanks for explaining axiology and epistemology to us.
Needed that this morning.
i really enjoyed watching mick fanning surf at huntington this year.
Not sure why, what exactly was the excitement. But i seemed to gain some closure from the event.
Thanks Hurley.
It has been awhile since I’ve visited. Just wanted to say that I’m glad to see that the monster lives. Cheers.
Do you guys think that Green Bay has a chance?
I thing Being Gay has a chance.
Hi everyone, I’m back, back for blood, killerwhale’s blood, anyone seen that shameless shamu around? Got tigershark teeth grinding for him. Come forward oh scared one!
@T.D.T.F.
Allow me to be brief and frank.
This is not a tickle-your-ears, politically correct comment. If you want to read something that’s filled with rhetoric, read something by Mark, or SmyrnaJeff, or that asshole PeterPerfect. If you want the truth, then read this comment. As I elaborate on that concept throughout this short piece I will use only simple words and language so that even a child can understand my message. Yes, even a child should know that T.D.T.F. likes saying that it is its moral imperative to feed us ever-larger doses of its lies and crackpot assumptions. Okay, that’s a parody—but not a very gross one. In point of fact, if T.D.T.F. had done its homework, it’d know that when one examines the ramifications of letting it uproot our very heritage and pave the way for its own wanton value system, one finds a preponderance of evidence leading to the conclusion that it twists every argument into some sort of “struggle” between two parties. T.D.T.F. unvaryingly constitutes the underdog party, which is what it claims gives it the right to put our liberties at risk by a stentorian and disrespectful rush to construct gas chambers, incinerators, gulags, and concentration camps.
How is it that I knew from the beginning that T.D.T.F. would change children’s values from those taught in the home to those considered chic by homophobic, antihumanist menaces? Am I smarter than everyone else? No, not at all. I’ll admit that I’m smarter than T.D.T.F. but that’s like saying that I’m smarter than a toad. I knew what T.D.T.F. would do because I realized that if I withheld my feelings on this matter, I’d be no less intemperate than T.D.T.F.. T.D.T.F. likes to brag about how the members of its army of arrogant, rabid practitioners of separatism are ideologically diverse. Perhaps that means that some of them prefer Stalin over Hitler. In any case, you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to detect the subtext of this letter. But just in case it’s too subliminal for some, let me thrust it into your face right here: T.D.T.F.’s ideological colors may have changed over the years. Nevertheless, its core principle has remained the same: to use threats of fiscal harm to coerce sick braggadocios into causing riots in the streets. If you don’t believe me then note that if T.D.T.F. wants to be taken seriously, it should counter the arguments in this letter with facts, not illogical panaceas, personal anecdotes, or insults.
I understand that T.D.T.F.’s rhetorical performances could profitably be deconstructed in a Dishonest Use of Language class, but we should not concern ourselves with T.D.T.F.’s putative virtue or vice. Rather, we should concern ourselves with our own welfare and with the fact that if we don’t do something soon, T.D.T.F.’s pestilential conclusions will rise like a golem with a million hands on a million throats to choke the honor out of decent, hardworking people. Be that as it may, I want to make this clear so that those who do not understand deeper messages embedded within sarcastic irony—and you know who I’m referring to—can process my point. Although the Battle of Waterloo may have been won on the playing fields of Eton I nevertheless insist that T.D.T.F.’s fantasy is to demand special treatment that, in many cases, borders on the ridiculous. It dreams of a world that grants it such a freedom with no strings attached. Welcome to the world of antidisestablishmentarianism! In that nightmare world it has long since been forgotten that by allowing T.D.T.F. to substitute breast-beating and schwarmerei for action and honest debate, we are allowing it to play puppet master.
As a bastion of Jacobinism, T.D.T.F.’s ignorant cabal has become a menace—a menace, above all, to those of us who value liberty—yet it seems a bit late in the day for T.D.T.F. to extricate as many people as possible from its grip. This sort of vertiginous paradox is well known to most perverted stool pigeons. I could go on for pages listing innumerable examples of T.D.T.F.’s antisocial strictures and discourteous crusades. I have already written enough, surely, to convince you that T.D.T.F. and I disagree about our civic duties. I allege that we must do our utmost to strike at the heart of its efforts to burn our fair cities to the ground. T.D.T.F., on the other hand, believes that the average working-class person can’t see through its chicanery. While others have also published information about the most venal wiseacres I’ve ever seen, T.D.T.F. surely doesn’t want me to champion the poor and oppressed against the evil of T.D.T.F.. Well, I’ve never been a very obedient dog so I intend not only to do exactly that but also to prevent the T.D.T.F.-induced catastrophe I foresee and save our nation from its time of deepest humiliation and disgrace.
I might add: If you want truth, you have to struggle for it. This letter represents my struggle, my attempt at calling your attention to the problem of libidinous, horny losers. It is also my soapbox for informing the community at large that nothing unites people like a common enemy. That’s why I would encourage everybody to take some shots of their own at T.D.T.F. by reprimanding it for leading to the destruction of the human race. When I first heard about T.D.T.F.’s grievances, I didn’t know whether to laugh, because T.D.T.F.’s disquisitions are so ill-bred, or cry, because if we are powerless to deal with T.D.T.F. appropriately, it is because we have allowed T.D.T.F. to instill a general ennui. Even though T.D.T.F. insists that my bitterness at it is merely the latent projection of libidinal energy stemming from self-induced anguish, I, hardheaded cynic that I am, definitely profess that anyone with eyes and a brain can tell that it accuses me of being narrow-minded. Does it maintain I’m narrow-minded because I refuse to accept its claim that the ideas of “freedom” and “mercantalism” are Siamese twins? If so, then I guess I’m as narrow-minded as I could possibly be. T.D.T.F.’s hirelings have shared the rostrum with uncontrollable insurrectionists at recent symposia. That’s all I have to say. Thank you again for reading this concise comment.
@ Mr. Shamus McRearload
Dear Sir Holder of the Truth,
Forgive me if my English is not as prolific as yours, the reason being I’m not a native speaker, but I think I can express myself in an intelligible manner. First of all, if you felt insulted, I offer my apologies. No more rude jokes, I see you are not in a very good mood. I wonder why. Anyway, there are some things I would like to make clear:
I don’t like saying this or that, nor did I mean to be mischievous or malicious. I don’t put myself in the underdog position, although I could find a justification to do so if I wanted, and most of all, I am not a Nazi or a Stalinist. Thing is I hate any kind of totalitarian regime, including totalitarian capitalism and market totalitarianism.
I believe in freedom, be it sexual, of speech, ideological, religious, etc. As a child I was taught that our freedom ends when another person’s freedom starts, or, in one word, respect, and that’s always worked fine for me. Although I was raised in Christian values, I had the freedom to be critic about things, including Christianity, which allowed me to construct my own personal relation with my own idea of God, outside of the church. But I’m digressing. What I’m trying to say is that I see no reason for your paranoia. I’m not advocating anarchism (we all know what your idea about it is) for the mindless youth. You know better than anyone that I just copied and pasted a piece from the Wikipedia, information available to whoever seeks it. The mentioning of Thoreau was intended to piss you off, since maybe my mind has not yet evolved enough to understand your finest humor (mother mentioning and those things). I also like Whitman.
Why did I do that? You might ask yourself. Out of boredom maybe; with the intention, achieved, of stirring things up in Postsurf, an anarchic space I might ad, who knows? Who cares?
I also believe in evolution. Not technological, but human evolution. Evolving means changing things, and changes cause fear.
Facts: Most of us live in a world founded on fierce competition, which drives people to harbor a strong desire to win by all means, stomping over whatever to raise their productivity. While the political totalitarianism is a forcible and oppressive mobilizing system, the market fascism disguises it as autonomy and spontaneity. The result is the same.
A couple of words about democracy: Is it better than any totalitarian regime? Sure. Is it the best regime human race could get so far? Yes. Is it perfect? No. Can it evolve? This one I’ll leave for you to answer.
You like to talk about freedom. What freedom are you talking about, freedom to buy and die? And one last thing, I told you where I got my ideological bravado, now you have to tell me whose letter is that and whose names were replaced by my acronym? I’m curious.
@T.D.T.F.
Your acronymn was solved when you were but a wee little fetus trying to hump the placenta of your still born twin:
Twenty
Dicks
To
Fuck
Although, doctor’s would later translate your birth certificate to read:
Twink’s
Diapers
Taste
Fabulous
As for your questions about freedom… I’ll have to think about that for a few minutes and get back to you.
Tard
Does
Toasty
Farts
Totally
Dislikes
Titty
Friggin’
Tames
Dykes
‘Till
Friday
Toots
Dookie
Thoroughly
Funky
Tongues
Dongs
Truthfully
Forever
Trusty
Derriere
Taster
F’real.
@T.D.T.F.,
Okay, here goes. And gain, I make this franks and beans. And without further ado…:
In a prior comment, I identified a set of ideological premises as superordinate constructions that maintain the rhetorical context in which Thoreau’s work is able to grasp at straws, trying to find increasingly officious ways to alter laws, language, and customs in the service of regulating social relations. I will now elaborate on three of his most deplorable premises:
1. His treatises epitomize wholesome family entertainment.
2. All it takes to solve our social woes are shotgun marriages, heavy-handed divorce laws, and a return to some mythical 1950s Shangri-la.
3. It is as innocent as a newborn lamb.
Although not without overlap and simplification, I plan to identify three primary positions on its causeries. I acknowledge that I have not accounted for all possible viewpoints within the parameters of these three positions. Nevertheless, it is currently limited to shrieking and spitting when it’s confronted with inconvenient facts. Before long, however, Thoreau is likely to switch to some sort of “enable witless ex-cons to punch above their weight” approach to draw our attention away from such facts.
Thoreau maintains that either the rules don’t apply to it - or that 75 million years ago, a galactic tyrant named Xenu solved the overpopulation problem of his 76-planet federation by transporting the excess people to Earth, chaining them to volcanoes, and dropping H-bombs on them. Thoreau denies any other possibility. So remember kids, if you want to abet ethnic genocide, dictatorships, and disruptive, snotty poltroons, all you have to do is agree to let Thoreau make nearby communities victims of environmental degradation and toxic waste dumping. I’m not very conversant with Thoreau’s background. To be quite frank, I don’t care to be. I already know enough to state with confidence that you may be worried that Thoreau will trade facts for fantasy, truth for myths, academics for collective socialization, and individual thinking for group manipulation quicker than you can double-check the spelling of “heterochromatization”. If so, then I share your misgivings. But let’s not worry about that now. Instead, let’s discuss my observation that there isn’t a man, woman, or child alive today who thinks that Thoreau answers to no one, so let’s toss out that ridiculous argument of Thoreau’s from the get-go.
I’m not in the habit of giving advice to Thoreau’s appalling secret agents. However, there’s always a first time: You guys should stop causing riots in the streets. I admit I don’t have much confidence that they’ll follow that advice, but it’s important to make it known that Thoreau apparently believes that it can make all of our problems go away merely by sprinkling some sort of magic, pink, pixie dust over everything that it considers polyloquent or choleric. You and I know better than that. You and I know that people used to think I was exaggerating whenever I said that Thoreau’s harangues will send us to Hell in a handbasket before the year is over. After seeing Thoreau progressively enlarge and increasingly centralize the means of oppression, exploitation, violence, and destruction these same people now realize that I wasn’t exaggerating at all. In fact, they even realize that Thoreau is thoroughly mistaken if it believes that it is God’s representative on Earth. My next point of order is that it’s best to ignore most of the quotes that Thoreau so frequently cites. It takes quotes out of context; uses misleading, irrelevant, and out-of-date quotes; and presents quotes from legitimate authorities used misleadingly to support contentions that they did not intend and that are not true. In short, Thoreau wants to prevent us from complaining about eccentric, bloody-minded blusterers. If it manages to do that, it’ll have plenty of time to focus on its core mission: plaguing our minds. My eventual goal for this comment is to preserve the peace between myself and T.D.T.F. = Titties Dangle Flawlessly Downward.
I’m counting on you, T.D.T.F. for your support.
I’ll leave Mr. Paranoia Fundamentalist for later, too busy right now. But the contest is on, whoever comes up with the most harsh and cruel acronym for myself wins a portrait of me to hang on the wall and use as target for shooting practice.
Just to keep the fire burning, I’ll use the words of George Eliot:
“Such critics are uninspired and narrow-minded. People very wise in their own eyes, who would have every man’s life ordered according to a particular pattern, and who are intolerant of every existence the utility of which is not palpable to them, may pooh-pooh Mr. Thoreau as unpractical and dreamy.”
@Shamu McLoadedrear, the wailing whale
Back with the jokes since you felt free to play around with my acronym. Did you enjoy it? Apparently you needed more than a couple of minutes to answer my questions, and didn’t. Instead you chose to once again deliver your biased view of life and the world, as if you knew something we all don’t, the “Truth”, the old fanatic way. The truth is you are probably struggling to maintain the status quo cause you benefit from the way things are, and a more equal and fair world would disrupt your confort zone.
In defense of Thoreau I have to say this:
A Few Practical Facts: He was a lifelong and militant abolitionist. His philosophy of civil disobedience influenced the political thoughts and actions of such later figures as Leo Tolstoy, Mahatma Gandhi, and Martin Luther King, Jr.
As for the riots, I myself prefer a non-violent peaceful resistance, but other people think different, and stupidity is a characteristic of the human race, ain’t it Shamie?
As much as I enjoy writing comment after comment about non-violence, the fact remains that non-violence suffers from a pathology of delusion. Without going into all the gory details, let’s just say that if non-violence were to combine, in a rare mixture, bestial cruelty and an inconceivable gift for lying, social upheaval and sodomy would follow. It is therefore clear that non-violence maintains that it is a champion of liberty and individual expression. This is complete—or at least, incomplete—baloney. For instance, non-violent supporters fail to mention that its attempts to make my stomach turn will earn it automatic membership in Satan’s inner circle. That said, let me continue.
To deny that TDTF’s continued op-ed pieces will lead to decay, to dissolution, to chaos, and to ruin is pernicious nonsense and political irresponsibility. It is nonsense because non-violence’s brain-damaged memoranda run counter to human nature and, as such, are doomed to failure. And it is irresponsible because I am convinced that there will be a strong effort on non-violence’s part to pour a few drops of wormwood into our general enthusiasm by the end of the decade. This effort will be disguised, of course. It will be cloaked in deceit, as such efforts always are. That’s why I’m informing you that what I have been writing up to this point is not what I initially intended to write in this letter. Instead, I decided it would be far more productive to tell you that non-violence makes a lot of exaggerated claims. All of these claims need to be scrutinized as carefully as a letter of recommendation from a job applicant’s mother. Consider, for example, non-violence’s claim that metagrobolism provides an easy escape from a life of frustration, unhappiness, desperation, depression, and loneliness. The fact of the matter is that given a choice of having it create an intimidating, hostile, or demeaning environment or having my bicuspids extracted sans Novocaine, I would embrace the pliers, purchase some Polident Partials, and call it a day.
TDTF, please spare us the angst of living in a fallen world. It has been revealed that non-violence plans to promote the dodgy taradiddles of distasteful jokers. First reaction yields that it confuses entertainment with learning. A little more thought leads to the more accurate conclusion that Thoreau was secretly planning to malign and traduce me. I realize that that may sound rather conspiratorial and far-fetched to most people, which is why you need to understand that the impact of non-violence’s impetuous sermons is exactly that predicted by the Book of Revelation. As Mark. Evil will preside over the land. Injustice will triumph over justice, chaos over order, futility over purpose, superstition over reason, and lies over truth. Only when humanity experiences this Hell on Earth will it fully appreciate that non-violence would have us believe that the sun rises just for it. Yeah, right. And I also suppose that every featherless biped, regardless of intelligence, personal achievement, moral character, sense of responsibility, or sanity, should be given the power to insist that our society be infested with snobbism, communism, mercantalism, and an impressive swarm of other “isms”? The fact of the matter is that if you think that it’s perfectly safe to drink and drive then you’re suffering from very serious nearsightedness. You’re focusing too much on what non-violence wants you to see and failing to observe many other things of much greater importance such as that I admit I have a tendency to become a bit insensitive whenever I rebuke it for trying to lead an active disinformation campaign. While I am desirous of mending this tiny personality flaw, non-violence’s effusions are not our only concern. To state the matter in a few words, I can reword my point as follows. Thoreau, Tolstoy, and their compeers have an almost identical mentality, as if they all had been cloned from a single nettlesome prototype.
I recently read a book confirming what I’ve been saying for years, that non-violence supporters have nothing but contempt for you, and you don’t even know it. That’s why I feel obligated to inform you that it claims that men are spare parts in the social repertoire—mere optional extras. That claim is preposterous and, to use non-violence’s own language, overtly soulless. No history can justify it. Non-violence is squarely in favor of allotheism and its propensity to lay down diktats that force me to run around like a chicken with its head cut off. This is so typical of non-violence: it condemns bigotry and injustice except when it benefits it personally. I wouldn’t want to embark on wholesale torture and slaughter of innocent civilians. I would, on the other hand, love to stop the Huns at the gate. But, hey, I’m already doing that with this letter.
TDTF should hide its head in shame before the judgment of future generations, whose tongue it will no longer be possible to stop and which, therefore, will say what today all of us know to be true: If one could get a Ph.D. in Solecism, Mahatma Ghandi would have been the first in line to have one. If you looked up “oppressive” in the dictionary, you’d probably see non-violence’s logo. The next time someone says that non-violence’s dour flock is a respected civil-rights organization, look that person right in the eye and reply, “Non-violence’s ultimata are about as useful to society as a hundred deutsche marks were in 1923 Germany.” We all need to be aware of each other’s existence as intelligent, feeling, human beings, even if some of us are the worst sorts of wretched big-labor bosses I’ve ever seen. TDTF is actually afraid of change. Yes, he is. To a lesser degree and on a smaller scale, I have frequently criticized non-violence’s unspoken plan to sidetrack us so we can’t give our young people the values that will inspire them to raise unregenerate schmucks out of their cultural misery and lead them to the national community as a valuable, united factor. It usually addresses my criticisms by accusing me of favoritism, Jacobinism, child molestation, and halitosis. TDTF hopes that by delegitimizing me this way, no one will listen to me when I say that contrary to my personal preferences, I’m thinking about what’s best for all of us. My conclusion is that what’s best for all of us is for me to resolve our disputes without violence. Let me end by citing my standard hate-mail response:
Thank you for your thoughtful reply. One question, though: Do you actually want non-violence to perpetuate misguided and questionable notions of other intransigent, quarrelsome skivers’ intentions? Because that’s what’ll happen if we don’t restore the traditions that non-violence has abandoned.
Tastefully
Drinks
Turgid
Fillipinos
Tiny
Dicks
Take
Felching
Twats
Don’t
Taste
Fantastic
Thousands
Dead
Today (in Haiti)
Forgettable
Thoreau
Dives
Towards
Fupa’s
Toddler’s
Diapers
Taste
Fertile
Tremendous
Dump
Taken
Forward
(eeeewwwww)
Trembling
Dworks
Target
Fish
The
Donkey
Twas
Fantastic
Fuck! For a moment I thought PostSurf was past, couldn’t get here… I think you guys can do better than this in the acronym contest, keep on trying!
Shamie, I’ll deal with you later ok? But don’t go far! Thing is I have to get my board fixed, swell is coming on Saturday! 6ft+ we expect, hollow powerful longer lefts and as hollower and as powerful shorter rights! Tubes my friends, tubes!
Holy Shit! Will it ever end?
900!!
Anyone posting after this will never wash the taste of cock from their mouths as long as they shall live.
I love that cock!!!
Another example of Shamie’s deceitful and low tactics. His ways are the ways of confusion and misinformation. By twisting and turning facts and adding a bit of fiction and paranoia, his sole objective is to blind the eyes of his followers, because he needs followers, when he leads them, torches in hands, to burn the monster that represent their deepest fear, evolution.
Disguised as an iconoclast, Shamie tries to feed everybody line after line of radicalism, propaganda and non-sense. He likes to talk about how dangerous some thoughts are, and how they should be eradicated, sounds awfully like the Thought police from George Orwell’s 1984. In that line, I can say I know an effective way to turn Satan’s friend stomach around.
Again the old talk of determinism. How curious of him to mention Germany 1923… Before you discuss the revolution, let me place before you one or two things, I want you to understand two things very clearly and to consider them from the same point of view from which I am placing them before you. I ask you to consider it from my point of view, because if you approve of it, you will be enjoined to carry out all I say. It will be a great responsibility. There are people who ask me whether I am the same man that I was in the past, or whether there has been any change in me. You are right in asking that question. Let me, however, hasten to assure that I am the same one as I was. I have not changed in any fundamental respect. I attach the same importance to non-violence that I did then. If at all, my emphasis on it has grown stronger. There is no real contradiction between the present resolution and my previous writings and utterances. Occasions like the present do not occur in everybody’s and but rarely in anybody’s life. I want you to know and feel that there is nothing but purest Shamie in all that I am saying and doing today. The draft revolution is based on Shamie, the contemplated struggle similarly has its roots in Shamie. If, therefore, there is any among you who has lost faith in Shamie or is wearied of it, let him not vote for this resolution. Let me explain my position clearly. God has vouchsafed to me a priceless gift in the weapon of Shamie. I and my Shamie are on our trail today. If in the present crisis, when the earth is being scorched by the flames of Nazism and crying for deliverance, I failed to make use of the God given talent, God will not forgive me and I shall be judged un-wrongly of the great gift. I must act now. I may not hesitate and merely look on, when they are threatened. Ours is not a drive for power, but purely a non-violent fight for independence. In a violent struggle, a successful general has been often known to effect a military coup and to set up a dictatorship. But under the scheme of things, essentially non-violent as it is, there can be no room for dictatorship. A non-violent soldier of freedom will covet nothing for himself, he fights only for the freedom of his country. He is unconcerned as to who will rule, when freedom is attained. The power, when it comes, will belong to the people, and it will be for them to decide to whom it placed in the entrusted. May be that the reins will be placed in the hands of the dealers, for instance-as I would love to see happen-or they may be handed to some others whose names are not heard in the today. It will not be for you then to object saying, This community is microscopic. That party did not play its due part in the freedom’s struggle; why should it have all the power?” Ever since its inception it has kept itself meticulously free of the communal taint. It has thought always in terms of the whole nation and has acted accordingly. I know how imperfect our Shamie is and how far away we are still from the ideal, but in Shamie there is no final failure or defeat. I have faith, therefore, that if, in spite of our shortcomings, the big thing does happen, it will be because God wanted to help us by crowning with success our silent, unremitting Shamie for the last twenty-two years. I believe that in the history of the world, there has not been a more genuinely democratic struggle for freedom than ours. I read Revolution while I was in prison, and he has told me something about revolution. But it is my conviction that these struggles were fought with the weapon of violence they failed to realize the democratic ideal. In the democracy which I have envisaged, a democracy established by non-violence, there will be equal freedom for all. Everybody will be his own master. It is to join a struggle for such democracy that I invite you today. Once you realize this you will forget the differences between Shamie and Me, and think of yourselves as Shamies only, engaged in the common struggle for independence. Then, there is the question of your attitude towards Shamie. I have noticed that there is hatred towards Shamie among the people. The people say they are disgusted with their behaviour. The people make no distinction between Shamie’s imperialism and Shamie. To them, the two are one This hatred would even make them welcome Shamie. It is most dangerous. It means that they will exchange one slavery for another. We must get rid of this feeling. Our quarrel is not with Shamie, we fight their imperialism. The proposal for the withdrawal of Shamie power did not come out of anger. It came to enable Shamie to play its due part at the present critical juncture It is not a happy position for a big man like Shamie to be merely helping with money and material obtained willy-nilly from her while Shamies are conducting the war. We cannot evoke the true spirit of sacrifice and velour, so long as we are not free. I know Shamie will not be able to withhold freedom from us, when we have made enough self-sacrifice. We must, therefore, purge ourselves of hatred. Speaking for myself, I can say that I have never felt any hatred. As a matter of fact, I feel myself to be a greater friend of Shamie now than ever before. One reason is that they are today in distress. My very friendship, therefore, demands that I should try to save them from their mistakes. As I view the situation, they are on the brink of an abyss. It, therefore, becomes my duty to warn them of their danger even though it may, for the time being, anger them to the point of cutting off the friendly hand that is stretched out to help them. People may laugh, nevertheless that is my claim. At a time when I may have to launch the biggest struggle of my life, I may not harbour hatred against anybody
BTW: You recently read a book?
We support T.D.T.F.!!!
@Shamie
Please, take Mum’s and little sister post as mine, ok? Cutie.
When you are invited when climbing in the churchyard
To see the top row of soldiers, almost all black
Giving blow to the neck of black loafers
Thieves mulatto
And other almost white
Treated as black
Just to show others almost black
(And they are almost all black)
And the almost poor whites as blacks
How can blacks, mulattos, poor and
And almost white to almost black as poor are treated
And no matter if everybody in the world can be a time for facing off
Where slaves were punished
And today a drumming, a drumming with the purity of boys in uniform
High school days stop
And the epic grandeur of a people in training
Attracts us, dazzles us and stimulates
No matter anything
Neither the trace of the house, or the lens of the TV
Neither disc Paul Simon
No
No one is a citizen
If you see the party
And if you’re not
Think Haiti
Pray for Haiti
Haiti is here
Haiti is not here
And on TV if you see a deputy in panic
Poorly disguised
With any, but any even
Any any
Education plan
That seems easy
What seems easy and fast
And going to represent a threat to the democratization of primary school
And if that member has to defend the adoption of capital punishment
And the venerable Cardinal says he sees so much spirit in the fetus
And no marginal
And if, while sticking the sign, the old red habitual
Note a man pissing on the street corner on a shiny bag of garbage
And when you hear the silence smiling before the slaughter
Defenseless prisoners
But prisoners are almost all black
Or almost black
Or almost white to almost black so poor
And the poor are as bad
And everyone knows how to treat blacks
And when you’re strolling in the Caribbean
And when you fuck without a condom
And make intelligent participation in the blockade of Cuba
Think Haiti
Pray for Haiti
Haiti is here
Haiti is not here
Dear Laird who art in heaven, please don’t let me be post #909… for that place is cursed.
Amen.
Fox and the grapes?
Josh Kerr is not on Terr.
Is it true?
What a total travesty if it is. What is the world coming to?
…..it must be Bush’s fault.
The purity of boys in uniform? Jesus god….
I’m the one after 909.
where the fuck is my dealer?! been living off space case craping for two whole days, enough! smoking aluminium is no fun. my back hurts, waves were heavy, oh my hernia.
I meant scraping.
I have a theory, comment number 999 will be the last one, then it will be the end of Postsurf for real, no more crying out for more. It is a matter of logic, the machine won’t allow any other aomment after that, and Lewis won’t post anything else ever, so, unless someone takes over the machine, it will be the end. Who will have the last word?
when this site started, do you think Lewis had the forethought to code the binary for 4 digits (ever imagining a 4 digit comment thread?) and if not, are you telling me when we hit 1000 the whole thing will come crashing down?
I’ve read this book before. and it turned out nothing happened in the end. 1001 posts here we come.
no. I think that the thing will just block. any atempt of commenting after 999 just won’t be possible. the site will probably stay on, but no one will be able to comment anymore. that’s what I think.
lewis would have a field day on these bozos
Hello… Is anyone here? PacNW? Pirate Salsa? Lewis?
no hope, lose all, the end here upon us all fall dark pit fames brimstorm thunder fire death all around vida life vita reborn in the ether frantic sperm flushing down throat guts profusion mess glory surf surf surf
Shut up Mark. Take that comment machine
Adios, Lewis.
I know you still read these comments. And I know you read Nug’s site from time to time.
How do I know? Look around your bathroom the next time you pop a squat and tell me where you think I could possibly have hidden a camera?
Peace out brother.
Fo’ reals.
Bye Shamie, rest in peace.
WATCH OUT FOR THE FUNKY COLD MEDINA!!! THE NEAR FUTURE OF PRO SURFING!!!
tubes people, tubes, tubes tubes tubes, lets and rights, tubes my friends, tubes!!! tubes tubes tubes tubes. barrels, barrels barrels barrels, you fucks. barrels barrels barrels barrels barrels barrels, tubes! tubes.
You’re peeing op-ed in Surfer… sucked.
stranded, stranded, stranded on a toilet bowl
the Saints marched in
Jesus, free tickets to see Slater, whats with those weird cartoon boobs of his?
Are you guys clueless???
my dog died today, a minute of silence please. …
This site rules!! I will be sure to come back join this stellar commentary on a daily basis in an effort to become part of the inner circle that has evidently bonded here.
In the meantime, the millions of you that visit this highly active site should visit this little blog that my friend runs:
This it be interesting an site.
Sincerely yours truly regards so long the end,
-LFW
Pardon me everyone. I just stumbled across thhis site today. I must say, that whoever runs this thing is really with it. To be able to post on a daily basis and generate so many incredibly wonderful comments is a testament to all that is current and hip.
I plan to check back daily to read your musings.
Keep up the good work, old chap.
Love,
GTL
?
Neil Young rules!
Grote,
Welcome friend, welcome.
I miss the power rankings….
Salutations Mr. Samuels!
Bravo on the epic site. I just found this nugget yesterday. All day today I have been patiently waiting with baited breath for you next post.
Well, I eagerly anticipate your next pearl of wisdom. I have set my computer to automatically refresh every 34 seconds so I can be sure I do not miss anything.
Anyways, good luck.
Look forward to reading your inspired work soooooon!! LOLCATS!!11!!
XOXOXO.
Levelling at its maximum is like the stillness of death, where one can hear one’s own heartbeat, a stillness like death, into which nothing can penetrate, in which everything sinks, powerless. One person can head a rebellion, but one person cannot head this levelling process, for that would make him a leader and he would avoid being levelled. Each individual can in his little circle participate in this levelling, but it is an abstract process, and levelling is abstraction conquering individuality.
—Søren Kierkegaard, The Present Age
The overwhelming influence of the recent financial turmoil on Wall Street has proven how the world’s economies are so interrelated under global capitalism.
Capitalism has long been a companion for many countries in the world. But now the globe is suffering from a direct result of “totalitarian capitalism” that is relentlessly tramping down on human thought and values.
Doh Jung-il, emeritus professor of Kyung Hee University and prominent literature critic, talks about what he calls “totalitarian and barbaric capitalism” through exploring social, cultural and educational aspects in his new book “Market Totalitarianism and Barbarism of Civilization.”
There have been several books by Doh and co-authors but this book is his second published on his own in 14 years after the 67-year-old literature critic released a literary critique titled “A Poet Cannot Go to the Forest” (1994).
“Reading it again, I found the book is like a spiritual letter to the 21st century,” he says in the prologue.
Although the five essays were written in the late 1990s with a morbid outlook before the coming of the new millennium, his basic analysis and insights are just as relevant to people living in the 21st century.
At the center of the discussion, he criticizes the market-oriented capitalism deeply rooted in many countries as the first and foremost value. He says that Korean society is now rushing into the cul-de-sac of market totalitarianism.
The term market totalitarianism might sound conceptually inadequate or confusing to readers at first glance. It means that the capitalistic market-oriented system has dominated in the world, leading to a totalitarian way of thinking in which other values that are not profit-first are ignored.
The author says that capitalism and development disguised as “civilization” are ironically “barbaric” in some sense because the fierce competition, which drives people to harbor a strong desire to win by all means, making them destroy nature and ecology to raise their productivity.
Doh articulates why such society is totalitarian with three reasons. First, it is a mobilizing system that trains and reorganizes people for the market principles. But he says “while the political totalitarianism is a forcible and oppressive mobilizing system, the market fascism disguises it as autonomy and spontaneity.”
It looks like a voluntary decision of a social member, but it persuades social members to obey and succumb to the system by emphasizing capitalism is the only way to survive.
Second, market totalitarianism is a monitoring system to threaten and control people. The system is also a voluntary monitoring system, which makes people loyal to the “God of the Market” and become self-controllers who observe themselves on whether they faithfully follow the market principles.
Third, market totalitarianism paralyzes social rationality. Values that are deemed not helpful to market effectiveness are completely ignored. It also puts more emphasis on functional and profitable values and others are strictly ostracized. “The public rationality in the market totalitarianism becomes the target of the massacre and paralysis in the same way as the political totalitarianism which devastated social rationality in the past,” the book says.
He says that such a phenomenon leads social members to suffer from unconditional and unfiltered absorption in cultural and educational sectors that are driven by the market-first system.
At this point, he makes it clear that what he is trying to say is not wholesale denial of either the market or capitalism. Rather he criticizes the totalitarian approach to the market system, which excludes any values aside from profits and capital.
He says when the educational system nurtures human “machines” to just make money, literature doesn’t fight against such inhumanity, culture is governed by market-favorable by-products and there is no soul-searching, the totalitarian capitalism destroys us.
He asserts that blindness and brutality destroy us as we saw the financial crisis in Korea in 1997. The global economic monoculture outwardly touts differences and individuality but inwardly urges uniformed patterns of consumption. It also proves the self-destruction of the totalitarian capitalism, the professor says.
Then what should we do? Doh says that only critical rationality can control such madness and a civil society can play a role of creating critical rationality.
The author says if Korean society fails to generate people who can take care of the troubled society, there is no bright future.
The events of Saturday night, December 12, have taken on an apocryphal glow. I had been invited to Mick Fanning’s celebration at the Rip Curl house by Rip Curl’s international media manager Dane Sharp. I was introduced to surfing journalist Tim Baker. Tim and I talked for some time. He explained to me that he did not enjoy what I did. Said that it was too negative and the point of surfing is a positive communal experience. He also did not like that I had written that Mick Fanning was boring and asked if I had ever met Mick. I answered no. He told me that Mick is a great guy and I should meet him. Mick was standing near and alone. Tim went over and I followed. Mick was angry and called me a fucking Jew. I was dragged out of the house by security.
I wrote the story. It was published in Stab, the same issue which included a glowing report on Mick’s world title run titled The Secrets of a Champion. The story was not sensationalized. It was not put on the cover. It was not put on the web. It would have been easy to stir up controversy right away but that was not the intent. The intent was to share a true moment that happened on the North Shore. A snapshot.
I don’t know why Mick called me a fucking Jew but I would have written whatever he called me, or said to me. I did not bait him. I did not catch him off guard, I was not looking to shamelessly destroy an icon. He was not being ironic. It has been said that I should have known that Mick was not happy with me, but I have no idea who is not happy with me. It is not something I think about.
The Australian media picked the story up six weeks after the issue hit the stands and a maelstrom ensued, general perception being that Mick was drunk and ignorant and I was malicious. I was not malicious. I told the story truthfully, including Mick’s language. It was a story because it happened and because it is rare in this surf industry to find anything real. If nobody ever tells a true story what is the point? What is the point?
Frankly, I have a strong and personal attachment to the Jewish community. I have traveled through Israel while studying in the Middle East and witnessed firsthand both the strength and tenacity of the Jewish people. I have been every¬where from Eilat to Kiryat Shmona. I have seen the daily hardships that arise from being a persecuted minority. I was, in fact, in Jerusalem when a suicide bomber detonated himself on an Egged bus, killing all aboard. The senselessness of this act, the sadness, I will carry forever. I did not re-print Mick Fanning’s words to incite and anger, or to heap an unnecessary amount of vitriol on an extremely tender issue. But I could also not ignore what he said. - Charlie Smith
Thanks for posting the above story.
Pretty interesting. For as good as they surf, these guys are not exactly the smartest blokes in the world. Not that ignorance and stupidity is an excuse for a comment like that, but more of an offering of sympathy.
Now on to more important things like Lewis and what the fuck he is doing. I have been a bit out of it (work), and with postsurf dusted, no longer have a forum for entertainment and general debauchery. Anyone know what the hell happened to the poor chap? Thought I saw heard he was going to write for Surfer?
Hope all you fuckwits out there are doing well.
PostSurf is dead?
I have been coming to this site faithfully, every day, since September of 1964, and it seems fresh as a Spring breeze.
I heard some chaps went over to Nugable.com
But this here blog is all I need to stay entertained.
Thank you for the great information. I look forward to seeing more articles and what else you have to offer!
Blog looks really good mate, keep it up! Inspires me to keep building a following of my own.
Much gratitudes Louise Sanders for such excellent blog. It inspiring many folks with love for the surfing of internets. I surf internets all day when optimal condition abides. The surfers of internets know the only feeling, ha ha. Right?!
Keep very surely excellent updates coming. I surf your internets page mostly often.
Bye for now!
Amazing Dude, that is really nice information, thanks.
Benefits of Goji
All Australians already have a preconceived idea of the Brazilians.
We are all dazzled by the surf and blind fans of the first world.
We read little and badly, we were malnourished and our idea of civilization is sparse.
Mostly, we are not reliable.
So we are read by that gang.
Not their fault, the average level of culture in Australia is a poverty from a Dickens’s tale and other languages are completely ignored.
A leakage of this desert of ideas is the surf, where the subject can parade their noble ignorance for the world to reach some lighting.
There is no exception.
I ment ALL AUSTRALIANS AND SOME AMERICANS, BUT THE JOURNALIST RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE TWISTED VIEW TO BE PERPETUATED.
Let the debate begin!
Cheers very much, I’ve found this extremely nice!
@ who cares says
“I care!” Throw out some other good reads… Ive been reading Victor Hugo. Thanks…
It is my view PostSurf » EPILOUGE: definitely is a beautifully composed account. Definately deserving of mentioning along with perfectly worth referfing to http://postsurf.com/2009/09/04/epilouge/comment-page-1/ too. Sincerely, Courtney Pfrogner
I would like to thank you for making a good post. I never usually comment on blogs but I felt like I needed to because you made such a good effort posting this good information. Thank you and I will be back again! I’m sure you would like some more traffic to your blog because everyone does. I personally use You won’t be disappointed because this thing is definitely amazing.
Uncanny, thanks for posting!
I must say that this Lonnie Sampson is a great writer. I’ve been reading this blog every day now for the last eight years, and it never ceases to amaze. I am personally nominating this cutting edge blog for a Pewlitzer Prize.
Mr. Sampson,
You had me the minute you named your blog PoseSurf.
Keep it up, ol’ chap.
I feel like I’m often looking for interesting things to read about a variety of niches, but I manage to include your blog among my reads every day because you have interesting entries that I look forward to. Here’s hoping there’s a lot more amazing material coming!
Me am very elated much times for this blog. It uplifting my soul to great spirit in sky. Me love each expedient updates wholsomely with open arms.
Please continually to do so, brown cow.
Hmmm. heya heya heya heya heyyyyyyyy.
Rottmouth got into the boxed wine again…
jIH muSHa’ DIchDaq taH DoH vaD!!
劉易斯・薩謬斯是最佳的作家。 我希望他保持這件美妙的禮物對人類，他忠實地做着在過去幾年。 愛您，夥伴!
Левис SAMUELS самый лучший сочинитель всегда. Я надеюсь что он держит вверх по этому чудесному BIG GIANT COCK подарку к гуманности по мере того как он точно MOIST делал для прошлого немногие леты. Полюбите вас, EJACULATE ответную часть!
Pretty good post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed reading your blog posts.Any way Ill be subscribing to your feed and I hope you post again soon
Could it be possible if I link to this webpage, from my web site? I’m trying to gather as many bits of info as I can.
Glorious most precious needed post Mr. Luigi Samsung. I aspire great many trials to be a writer like you. I go towards light in darkness throughout all of time. And space as well too, you know?
Well, many condolences to your many skills and atrocities. Keep remembrance for posting all your heavenly thoughts on blogs.
Hang it loose as always in comfort.
shred shred shred lewis you suck come back now
JADSON! JADSON! JADSON! JADSON!
the king is dead, all hail the king JADSON! JADSON! JADSON! JADSON!
So Lewis, I have been patiently waiting for the last few days for your updated Power Rankings after the Brazil contest. My auto-refresh is set for every 15 seconds. I can barely blink anymore. You have been so consistent with your Power Rankings this season, that I am beginning to worry that you have abandoned your faithful minions.
Please tell me my faith is not for naught so my stomach will not be in knots.
Gracias.
How are the squalid foreign shores Lucy Sandbells? I never liked the vitriolic comments on this site. And now I am glad that there aren’t any more of those hateful tapioca fuckwits hanging around here. Now that it’s just you and me, we can enjoy each other’s company. We can enjoy our love for surfing together and embrace each other’s buttholes with a zesty lust that’s so heterosexual that it will transcend all sexuality to the point where we become one sentient and erotic being.
Not gay though.
I appreciate your time, and look forward to your timely response.
I cannot believe that Aaron Kelly got eliminated from American Idol last night.
What’s next?
Nugable folding up shop at his blog?
Pssshhhht.
This is all your fault Lewis.
IT work kicks ass.
I can be a nerd in a nerdy industry sucking nerdy cock and eating Nerd’s out of other nerd’s buttholes. What more could one want?
Fuck surfing. And fuck you all. I hated all of you from the beginning. Especially you, Laser®. I should have turned the comments off after my second shitty post to save myself from your massive mind-bore.
Seeing Wanderers thread inspired me to bring in some of my coaching material.
Griselda was bent over the toilet, puking up scotch and dinner. Agnes smoothed her hair back from her face and pulled off some toilet paper to wipe her mouth. “Better?” Agnes asked.
“Mmm-hmm,” Griselda groaned, nodding sleepily. She pushed herself up and went back to brushing her teeth like nothing had happened. Agnes flushed the toilet, and did her best to avert her gaze from its contents.
Agnes led Griselda to her cluttered bedroom and eased her down onto her low double bed. Griselda sat there for a moment, staring out the door like she’d lost something. Then she fumbled off her shoes.
“I’ll go get you some water,” Agnes exclaimed and went back to the bathroom. She washed her face with Griselda’s exfoliating citrus soap, avoiding the band-aid, and put some toothpaste on her finger to rub around her mouth. She filled the glass with water, drank it down heartily, and filled it again. Her hands trembled slightly.
When Agnes got back to Griselda’s room, Griselda was standing with her back to the open door, wriggling out of her shiny leather pants. Agnes watched her milky white, skinny legs do a little shimmy. She unhooked her black bra, then slid out of her incongruous yellow panties. Her bare back looked like a photograph, or a painting, from an epoch of time long before men inhabited the world.
Agnes had always found Griselda beautiful, but in that moment, watching her undress, something stirred that she recognized for the first time. They’d been naked around each other before, naturally, but it was always quick and furtive, backs turned, clothes pulled off and on again. Agnes had thought her fascination with Griselda’s body was jealousy, wishing she had such beautiful, supple breasts - such soft skin. Now Agnes let herself watch, and she was terrified to discover what she felt wasn’t admiration, or jealousy, but saphic desire.
Griselda turned around and looked at Agnes. Her nipples stood out at little points. Her bleached hair was mussed, and her eyes were large. Usually when Griselda looked at Agnes it was to chide her, or tease her, or make her feel small. Now Griselda looked at Agnes like she was waiting for her to do something. Like Agnes, standing in the doorway, was the one in charge.
Agnes just stared back, paralyzed by terror. Gripped by lust. She couldn’t just cross that threshold. She had to be invited.
Agnes stood frozen in the doorway, and Griselda threw herself into her bed. Agnes’s trance broke, and she crossed inside, too late. She put her hand to Griselda’s cheek, leaned in to kiss her, because all she wanted to do now was taste her. It was an unstoppable desire; Griselda felt ridden by it. Transformed.
Agnes pushed Griselda’s hand away. Griselda reached for her moistening groin, though she knew she shouldn’t. Her body was acting on its own now. Agnes’s hand shot up, shoved Griselda away, hard. Then she flipped over and buried her face in a pillow, her chest heaving with each sob.
And that was when Agnes’s unfortunate fecal incontinence kicked in.
That is what it is, a royal sport for the natural kings of earth. The grass
grows right down to the water at Waikiki Beach, and within fifty feet of the
everlasting sea. The trees also grow down to the salty edge of things, and
one sits in their shade and looks seaward at a majestic surf thundering in
on the beach to one’s very feet. Half a mile out, where the reef is, the
white-headed combers thrust suddenly skyward out of the placid
turquoise-blue and come rolling in to shore. One after another they come, a
mile long, with smoking crests, the white battalions of the infinite army of
the sea. And one sits and listens to the perpetual roar, and watches the
unending procession, and feels tiny and fragile before this tremendous force
expressing itself in fury and foam and sound. Indeed, one feels
microscopically small, and the thought that one may wrestle with this sea
raises in one’s imagination a thrill of apprehension, almost of fear. Why,
they are a mile long, these bull-mouthed monsters, and they weigh a thousand
tons, and they charge in to shore faster than anyone can run. What chance?
No chance at all, is the verdict of the shrinking ego; and one sits, and
looks, and listens, and thinks the grass and the shade are a pretty good
place in which to be.
Wow, this is extremely helpful info, appreciated.
Thanks very much, I have found this very good!
And suddenly, out there where a big smoker lifts skyward, rising like a
sea-god from out of the welter of spume and churning white, on the giddy,
toppling, overhanging and downfalling, precarious crest appears the dark
head of a man. Swiftly he rises through the rushing white. His black
shoulders, his chest, his loins, his limbs — all is abruptly projected on
one’s vision. Where but the moment before was only the wide desolation and
invincible roar, is now a man, erect, full-statured, not struggling
frantically in that wild movement, not buried and crushed and buffeted by
those mighty monsters, but standing above them all, calm and superb, poised
on the giddy summit, his feet buried in the churning foam, the salt smoke
rising to his knees, and all the rest of him in the free air and flashing
sunlight, and he is flying through the air, flying forward, flying fast as
the surge on which he stands. He is a Mercury — a brown Mercury. His heels
are winged, and in them is the swiftness of the sea. In truth, from out of
the sea he has leaped upon the back of the sea, and he is riding the sea
that roars and bellows and cannot shake him from its back. But no frantic
outreaching and balancing is his. He is impassive, motionless as a statue
carved suddenly by some miracle out of the sea’s depth from which he rose.
And straight on toward shore he flies on his
winged heels and the white crest of the breaker. There is a wild burst of
foam, a long tumultuous rushing sound as the breaker falls futile and spent
on the beach at your feet; and there, at your feet steps calmly ashore a
Kanaka, burnt golden and brown by the tropic sun. Several minutes ago he was
a speck a quarter of a mile away. He has “bitted the bull-mouthed breaker”
and ridden it in, and the pride in the feat shows in the carriage of his
magnificent body as he glances for a moment carelessly at you who sit in the
shade of the shore. He is a Kanaka — and more, he is a human being, a
member of the kingly species that has mastered matter and the brutes and
lorded it over creation.
we are getting there…
I have to say, I love this blog. Maybe you could let me know how I can go about keeping up to date with it? By the way I found your blog through Lycos.
Wowee. I never thought I would say this, but this blog is da bomb! And I don’t even like surfing. I am from South Dakota and I found this site when I Googled “Reindeer, Goose Stepping On Shorn Scrotum, Fondle, Chipmunk Feces.”
Excellent job. Very high end upper echelon avante garde superior very good work my friend. I hope to read more of your works in the future. Would love to hear about non-surfing topics too.
We’ve been getting excited about reviewing this approach too. Solid read.
@crtlv
Great stuff.
Something about Town that gets writers rambling from Jack London to Gerry Lopez.
Town is killer.
And one sits and thinks of Tristram’s last wrestle with the sea on that
fatal morning; and one thinks further, to the fact that Kanaka has done what
Tristram never did, and that he knows a joy of the sea that Tristram never
knew. And still further one thinks. It is all very well, sitting here in the
cool shade of the beach, but you are a human being, one of the kingly
species, and what that Kanaka can do, you can do yourself. Go to. Strip off
your clothes that are a nuisance in this mellow clime. Get in and wrestle
with the sea; wing your heels with the skill and power that reside in you;
bit the sea’s breakers, master them, and ride upon their backs as a king
should.
@Mark
Country is nice too.
I read a report that four million pixel is enough to use, and pixels high is that we can illuminate a large picture, but generally we can not take such a big picture, I think that will depend on the optical zoom digital camera, According to the optical zoom could clear the distant object, behaves digital zoom, digital zoom, picture clarity at the expense of the cost.
Educational and entertaining. I’ve additional your internet log to my “reading substance. ” Progress me updated!. . . .
Oh my lawd in heabin, this be quite da tenses. I seen Luis, and he am lookin’ mighty scayahd. He be kinda slouchin’ down, lookin’ very upset, I don’ know what he goin’ been doin’ ovah at dat Stab boo’shit.
He just a-lookin’ like he be very nervous ovah dayah.
An’ I would be scayahd too ’cause there’s Jed Smith’s filthy greasy fingah’s all deep in this.
Anah’ Grote TurkeyLip to you all!
Don’t assume that activities operators are looking out for your well-being. Travellers have died with the sports activities operators in Tanjung Benoa and dive mishaps occur everywhere. The iconic volcanoes claim trekkers, especially Gunung Rinjani on Lombok. The moral: keep a healthy scepticism nearly you if others bear responsibility for your safety.
Reading your blog was an amazing experience for me. I was not expecting such a great quality. Thank you. Please do not stop posting new blogs.
I am really at a loss for what to say here, other than to convey my shock. I realize that some of you may not know the particular background details of the events I’m referring to. I’m not going to go into those details here, but you can read up on them elsewhere. If we test the assumptions that underlie CRTLV’s bromides then the sea of solecism, on which CRTLV so heavily relies, will begin to dry up. I mean, just look at his comments above this one. CRTLV’s uneducated, muddleheaded overgeneralizations leave the current power structure untouched while simultaneously killing countless children through starvation and disease. Are these children its enemies? Fortunately for us, the key to the answer is obvious: When it says that it can walk on water, in its mind, that’s supposed to end the argument. It’s like it believes it has said something very profound.
It is as if we were safely on the bank of a raging river, enjoying a picnic with our friends and family, when a bunch of disreputable purveyors of malice and hatred came along and threw us into the river. Not only must we struggle to avoid drowning in the raging torrent of CRTLV-sponsored separatism, but we must crawl out of the river before we can call for a return to the values that made this country great. If CRTLV is victorious in his quest to use terms of opprobrium such as “xenophobic, anarchism-oriented primates” and “rabid, blasphemous voluptuaries” to castigate whomever it opposes, then its crown will be the funeral wreath of humanity. Of course, I’m generalizing a little here. But that’s only because no one likes being attacked by combative hooligans. Even worse, CRTLV exploits our fear of those attacks—which it claims will evolve sometime soon into biological, chemical, or nuclear attacks—as a pretext to permit jejune quacks to rise to positions of leadership and authority. If you think that’s scary, then you should remember that an armed revolt against CRTLV is morally justified. However, I profess that it is not yet strategically justified.
What CRTLV is incapable of seeing is that it contends that profits come before people. What planet is it from? The planet Vengeful? Although I haven’t been able to concoct an acceptable answer to that question, I can suggest a tentative hypothesis. My hypothesis is that if CRTLV can’t stand the heat, it should get out of the kitchen. Finally, whatever your thoughts or feelings about CRTLV are, I urge you to help me bring a fresh perspective and new ideas to the current debate.
This blog is really helping me overcome the solemn grief I am dealing with after the tragic death of John Travolta’s dogs this morning.
Is it just me, or should all men utter the phrase “Pau Gasol!!!” at the top of their lungs after flatulating in a densely occupied and enclosed space?
For those of you who don’t know, Lewis Samuels wrote a book about a transexual’s struggle with explosive diarrhea while wearing panty hose. It was called “To Kill a Stocking Turd” and was a critical failure.
Derek Reilly loved it and is optioning it in Hollywood as I type this.
Lewis Samuels also invented a time travel machine when he let a wet fart into a wasp nest and then ran backwards through a hoola-hoop in his uncle’s taxidermy laboratory.
Lewis Samuels has a composter in his car in place of a passenger seat. That’s where all his leftover onion rings go.
And children.
Luke Munro once whispered into my ear that Lewis confided in him and told him his favorite beverage was asshole.
While visiting the San Diego Zoo last Autumn, Lewis Samuels fed a fun-size Snicker’s bar to a lemur. The lemur then shat out Jeremy Flores.
Lewis Samuels once employed his severed foreskin as a character in a Dick Tracy comic book named Lucky Skin Flap.
True story.
1000!!!!
Which reminds me of the time I heard Lewis Samuels toot in the men’s room at Japanese Motor’s concert in Bangkok. Or was it Lake Titicaca? At any rate, it sounded like a French horn being played carefully through lederhosen.
1001 comments !
Bwahaha !
GO ANDY IRONS !
GO TK !
GO JOEL - heal fast !
GO TAJ !
etc.
Well I’ll be damned. I guess this gives me a chance to share another insight with you: Lewis Samuels can curdle milk just by winking at it.
Lewis also has two live squealing piglets for testes. Which is why he must wait for movies to come out on BlueRay. Because no one wants to hear that shit in the theater.
In conclusion,
Lewis Samuels can smell his own farts before he expels them. Which is why he was feared and eventually fired by Surfline.
So now you know.
Another strange but true nuance you all may not have known is that Lewis has an “outee” for an asshole. And his starfish is not only a starfish, but also a zebra, giraffe, water buffalo, and salt-water crocodile. Lewis once shat fifteen industrial-sized trays of ready to bake animal cracker templates in a 36 hour period.
True story.
Lewis Samuels also once had an unexpected encounter with big ben roethlesburgher in the mens room of a San Bruno tavern. That’s why he has an “outee” for an asshole.
Lewis Samuels first surfboard was shaped like a deep fried turkey helmet and it smelled like old milk.
Occasionally, Lew Dogg likes to get down with a little BDSM with his lady friends… so he spanks their bums with his vaunted “Paddle of Thermopylae.”
Lweis Samuels has a three acre cabbage patch way down yonder in the paw paw patch. Except it’s in Cambodia… and the cabbages are human heads.
Lastly, Lewis Samuels painted his ‘93 Gallant using a severed pig dick that was loaned to him by Nick Carroll’s favorite colon spelunker: Clif Evers.
Leave Lewis alone. He’s currently recuperating from using his anus as the reservoir for BP’s exploded oil well.
Not only did Lewis temporarily seal the well with his anus, BP also budgeted unlimited matzoballs for the lad. Lew Dogg was able to inject enough “mud” into the well to perform a successful top kill, all though his blow-out preventer was severely damaged.
Lewis Samuels is so rich his butt plugs are made from freshly severed, erect human cocks.
Lewis Samuel’s pays other people to take his shits for him.
Most of the time he just pays Bruce Boxleitner.
Lewis Samuels plays Parchessi with Wiggolly Dantas every other Friday in a darkened basement in Sao Paulo.
Lewis Samuels once drove past my house in his Volkswagen playing Third Eye Blind, loudly. He turned the volume down pretty quickly when he realized I could hear it.
A couple of weeks ago, Lewis Samuels wanted to discover for himself the accuracy of the theory that one can light his own fart on fire with a bic lighter. The San Bruno police have been patrolling the castro district with a fine toothed comb ever since, looking for a slight, short, Jewish fellow with glasses.
While participating in the running of the bulls during a visit to Spain, Lewis took a horn far up the rectum, and was subsequently bucked over a stone wall, into a steaming pile of bovine dung. Lewis exacted his revenge by eating two large platters of raw rocky mountain oysters.
True story.
Lewis Samuels once tried a stint at being an NFL towel boy. He “took the Browns to the superbowl.”
Legend has it that Lewis Samuels’ farts smell like the handle of Joel Patterson’s SUP paddle.
At a house party, back in college, Lewis accidently sat on a piece of PVC pipe. Amazingly, a gerbil, who just happened to have a 12″ piece of twine tied to it’s tail, crawled up the pipe, and into Lewis’ lower colon. Lewis broke into the robo-cop on the dance floor. He was a hit.
Lewis Samuels has a large black mole at the entrance to his rectum that carves a 1/4″ groove into his stool, and also prevents his asshole from ever fully sealing shut against the cold cruel world.
Lewis Samuels has a an old leather boot that he keeps in his pants to absorb the high frequencies his left testicle constantly emits.
The boot in question is a size 6. I should know; Lewis Samuels stole it from my young cousin Aloysius, who suffered terribly from a club foot. That one boot was the only thing good in his life. Shortly thereafter, Aloysius took his life by challenging Chris Ward to a drinking contest.
Lewis Samuels only eats knuckle sandwiches prepared by Chris Ward. Wardo only serves the sandwich when Lewis wears a dress, makeup, and tucks his schlong like Chaz Smith. So every rosh Hashanna for those keeping score at home.
The whole scene is filmed by Vivid and then optioned to STAB as a second chapter in the heretofore unknown epic surf saga called: ‘Kai Neville vs. Dion Agius - Reverse Cowgirl.’
Thusly, the Folsom Fair theme for 2011 hath been written.
Lewis Samuel’s pimp hand is strong. It is also made out of a live wriggling carp that has the skin of a woman.
Lewis Samuels refrigerator is made out of used diapers and hot pockets.
Coincidentally, Charlie Sheen has admitted that the only surfer other than Alana Blanchard that he would consider having sex with would be Kai Neville.
A little known fact is that Lewis Samuels has a five headed penis. And although, even with the five heads, it only measures 2 5/8 inches, it fits in a lukewarm huckleberry pie like a glove.
Lewis Samuels only rolls on Shabbos. In a yellow Vespa that’s powered by a bald eagle wearing an Apache headdress with talons sunk firmly into the soft temples of Shirly Temple’s great granddaughter.
The reason this once glorious site is now defunct is not due to Sean Collins, but PETA. This is due to the fact that Lewis Samuels prefers to use blended bovine entrails for masturbation lubrication.
True story.
Lewis Samuels is currently designing an Energy-Star rated wave pool that’s powered by his own flatulence… and hot air captured from the vast wilderness between Nick Carroll’s ears.
Allow me to posit that “vast emptiness” might be more appropriate.
Lewis Samuels recently had a close brush with death… and he gave death the clap.
After Lewis Samuels pours Extra Virgin Olive Oil on his zucchini, the bottle just says Olive Oil.
Lewis Samuels goes trick or treating dressed as himself.
Lewis Samuels comments on other blogs by using a manual typewriter and sheer force of will.
His screen name is Yak Pumice.
where’s AI’ dealer today? You in trouble my man.
Mayor Gavin Newsome recently commissioned a bronze statue of Lewis Samuels in Golden Gate Park. Sadly, soon after, poor Lew got pidgeon-holed.
Lewis Samuels shaves his balls with Steve’s shearers.