Which reminds me of the time I heard Lewis Samuels toot in the men’s room at Japanese Motor’s concert in Bangkok. Or was it Lake Titicaca? At any rate, it sounded like a French horn being played carefully through lederhosen.

True story.

And children.

Derek Reilly loved it and is optioning it in Hollywood as I type this.

It is as if we were safely on the bank of a raging river, enjoying a picnic with our friends and family, when a bunch of disreputable purveyors of malice and hatred came along and threw us into the river. Not only must we struggle to avoid drowning in the raging torrent of CRTLV-sponsored separatism, but we must crawl out of the river before we can call for a return to the values that made this country great. If CRTLV is victorious in his quest to use terms of opprobrium such as “xenophobic, anarchism-oriented primates” and “rabid, blasphemous voluptuaries” to castigate whomever it opposes, then its crown will be the funeral wreath of humanity. Of course, I’m generalizing a little here. But that’s only because no one likes being attacked by combative hooligans. Even worse, CRTLV exploits our fear of those attacks—which it claims will evolve sometime soon into biological, chemical, or nuclear attacks—as a pretext to permit jejune quacks to rise to positions of leadership and authority. If you think that’s scary, then you should remember that an armed revolt against CRTLV is morally justified. However, I profess that it is not yet strategically justified.

What CRTLV is incapable of seeing is that it contends that profits come before people. What planet is it from? The planet Vengeful? Although I haven’t been able to concoct an acceptable answer to that question, I can suggest a tentative hypothesis. My hypothesis is that if CRTLV can’t stand the heat, it should get out of the kitchen. Finally, whatever your thoughts or feelings about CRTLV are, I urge you to help me bring a fresh perspective and new ideas to the current debate.