Category Archives: ASP World Tour

Feb 26 7 comments
ASP World Tour, Cutting Room, Interviews

A Word from our Contenders

The ASP season kicks off Saturday, so I thought I'd turn the hype-volume up a bit further by sharing a few words from our top contenders: Slater and Fanning.  The following quotes didn't make the QuikPro Peview I did for Surfline last week.

Kelly at Duranbah, 2006. Photo: ASP/Tostee

Kelly at Duranbah, 2006. Photo: ASP/Tostee

Lewis: One could argue that you haven't been challenged for the #1 spot since winning Bells last year.  Do you have any sense of looking forward to a challenge with the start of the new season?

Kelly Slater: Well, if you ever get a chance to have a little breathing room like I was able to get last year for a while you would always rather have that position.  But everyone loves a good race and a close battle and after everyone saying I was done years ago, I'm probably lucky to even be in sight of those other guys.  It'd be nice to get a good result on the Gold Coast for sure.

Lewis: Has your perspective on equipment changed much since this time last year?
Kelly: Not changed but has gone in the same direction as it was starting to.

Mick Fanning, Snapper, 07. Photo: ASP/Robbo

Mick Fanning, Snapper, 07. Photo: ASP/Robbo

Lewis: Where does the motivation come from for 2009?
Mick Fanning: Well, it’s probably like climbing Everest: If you get to the top once and go back to climb it the next year and don’t quite make it to the summit again you’re gonna be bummed. Once you’ve been to the top nothing matches it. My motivation is to get back up there.

Lewis: Any changes to your approach for this season (boards, training, strategy, etc)?
Mick: Yeah, 2008 was my worst year on tour to date but I think I learned more last year than I have in any previous years. The big change for me has been learning how to switch on and switch off as a competitor. I’ve had better preparation for 2009 than any other year. I feel relaxed, I’ve minimized distractions, I got the right equipment, I know exactly how often I should train without burning myself out before events and I’m feeling more comfortable. I'm ready to go.

Contending is all about fitness. Word on the street is that Taj has been training with these two.

Contending is all about fitness.  Word on the street is that Taj has been training with this fierce  couple.

Feb 24 29 comments
ASP World Tour, Cutting Room, Surf Culture, mailroom

Tonight on Dateline’s “To Catch a Predator”

When I first started writing about surfing, I received this earnest advice from an editor: "Dumb down your prose - remember your readers are mostly 15-year-old boys, or they're as stupid as 15-year-old boys."

Take a look at Transworld's new "10 Hottest Girls in Pro Surfing" feature.  The crew at TW are masters when it comes to knowing their audience.

Transworld's "10 Hottest Girls in Pro Surfing"

Transworld's "10 Hottest Girls in Pro Surfing"

The 30-something edit team at TW based their picks on the following: "Does she rip? And does she look good doing so? While some are more on the rip side and others on the sexy side, we feel both sides of the spectrum are represented and did our best to not come off as total sexist pigs—not the easiest thing in the world to do for this bunch."

The 30-something TW editors picked 5 girls who were minors this time last year.  The girl in the photo above just barely missed the Top 10 cut with the following caveat: "Yeah, we’re creeps for putting a 16-year old on this list but it’s not our fault the Maui girl made the US Surf Team and has looks that could kill."

At 21, one of the oldest girls in the Top 10 is Anastasia Ashely, who apparently wears heels and makeup to the beach:

Anastasia Ashley. Photo: Damea Dorsey

Anastasia Ashley. Photo: Damea Dorsey

Transworld explains that "Anastasia has been spending a lot of time with Hulk Hogan’s son, Nick, whom she calls her best friend and her biggest fan... Selfishly, we want Anastasia to make the World Championship Tour just to see who wears a smaller bikini—her or Alana Blanchard."

Considering that Ashley had a WQS rating of 52 last year and hangs out with Hogans, it seems more likely she'll go on tour with the "Rock of Love" bus than the ASP.

In the meantime you can thank the "creeps" at Transworld for getting your IP address added to that sexual predator watchlist.

Feb 21 7 comments
ASP World Tour, Cutting Room, Interviews

TAJ has a PLAN

Just finished a preview for Surfline of the QuikPro.  As usual, plenty of quotes don't make it into the final text.

Taj Burrow, Uluwatu. Photo: Chris Burkard /BurkardPhoto.com

Taj Burrow, Uluwatu. Photo: Chris Burkard /BurkardPhoto.com

More than a couple guys in the 45 told me that Taj will be the one to challenge Kelly this year.  "He's the only one in my book who did it last year," CJ Hobgood said.  "Plus everyone's kinda been on the band wagon of writing him off. So I think he'll come out blazing and everyone will say 'I told you how good he is, etc.'"

I suspect the "everyone" CJ alludes to is me.  Fair enough.  I've definitely been hard on Taj in the past.  Despite this, Burrow answered a couple questions about the kickoff for me, including the one below:

Lewis:Any changes to your approach for 2009?

Taj : Yeah, I'm aiming for runner up this year, that way I may win..

Feb 20 13 comments
ASP World Tour, Surf Culture

Big in 2K9: Chola Eyebrows?

Part of being an authority on surfing is predicting new trends. What will be big in 2K9?

I've noticed that "what's in" is different in the islands - they're "keeping it real" with street culture.  You know, like pit bulls and jewelry and gangsta rap and stuff.  Here on the mainland, "Chola Eyebrows" are HOT on the street.  Pluck, pluck, then fill in with a Sharpie.  Will Chola Brows be the big thing for Hawaiian pros this year?

cholabrows21

Freddy P is a pretty style-conscious guy.  He dyed his hair blond for his ASP headshot and all.

Maybe Fred will rock Chola Brows in 2K9?

Or maybe I'm not so good at predicting trends.

Feb 19 15 comments
ASP World Tour, Cutting Room, Interviews

BOBBY on KELLY

A few days before Kelly won his 9th title, I interviewed Bobby Martinez.  I was hoping to put together an article on "Is Kelly's Dominance Good For Surfing?"  The article never came together - partly because most guys dodged the question.  But Bobby is his own man; he did not dodge the question.

Lewis: Do you feel like Slater’s dominance in ‘08 is bad for the sport?

Bobby: For him it’s cool, for us it’s boring.  Same old guy, and he’s so much older than us.  I honestly don’t think he’s surfing the best out of the previous years he’s been on tour.  He’s surfing the best, but he surfed the best for him personally years ago.  But now he’s winning more than ever.  I don’t understand it, especially when there’s all these guys like Andy, Mick, and Joel, who I think personally are just as good as Kelly.  But somehow he’s just been able to win every event.  It blows my mind, with so many people right at the level he’s at, for him to dominate like that is weird, and for me, it’s boring to see Kelly win again… I know Kelly is loving it, but for just fans, I think it’s boring.

Bobby Martinez, Spain. Photo: Gio

Bobby Martinez, Spain. Photo: Gio

Is it good for the ASP to have Kelly be so dominant? Do you ever feel like the ASP is pushing him towards that dominance?

Yeah, I do.  Sometimes I do.  I mean, sometimes I really do and sometimes I really don’t.  I feel like people want him around because he’s a big attraction for our sport, but he’s good enough, he’s gonna stay around.  He always does this thing, like, “Oh, I may not do it…”  We all know he’s gonna do it.  He ain’t got nothing else to do.  But he’s just saying that because I feel like he wants people to lure him in. I don’t know if that’s true, I just feel that way.  And I think he knows that there are so many good guys like Mick and Joel, that if he doesn’t win, he wants an excuse to say “Oh, I don’t know, I wasn’t all there anyway.”  Because I honestly think he can’t commit and then lose like he did against Mick…
Or like he lost to Andy in 2003…
Exactly.  It breaks him.  It breaks him.  That’s what I think.  But shit, there’s so many good surfers, his time has to end eventually.  He’s gonna be exiting from this sport sooner or later.  So I think it’s kinda weird.  We’ll see what happens next year because everyone knows he wants to go for 10 and now he’s admitting it.  So now there’s this pressure.  I think it will be a whole different ball game.

Bobby in Chile. Photo: Pierre Tostee

Bobby in Chile. Photo: Pierre Tostee

I might put the rest of this interview up later.  Meanwhile check Surfline for a new interview with Bobby concerning 2009.

Feb 18 10 comments
ASP World Tour, Surf Culture, mailroom

Question about BACKDOOR

Staying cool in the surf world is all about keeping up with the latest trends.

I've noticed that the best young surfers in the world share a common bond: they love Backdoor action.

In the latest issue of Transworld,  Dusty Payne tells us the last advice his manager gave him was "No babies in the bum."

Stab, being an Australian outlet, is a bit more forthright on the subject.

Here's a direct quote from their Jordy Smith Sex interview:

"Ass play: Definitely done it with a couple of girls. One cougar liked having sex in her butt, like, 80 per cent of the time. You gotta do what you gotta do, right?"


sex-jordy

It's heartwarming to see the surfing superstars of tomorrow acting as positive role models for today's grom.

My favorite lil' grom reader Charlie D. from the OC noticed  - he wrote in with this question:

Hay,

Ive been readin STAB they had a hole innerview with JORDY about SEX wich is AWSOME but kinda sucks for me cause I promised mom a vow of obstinance until I'm 16 at least.  But then i got STOKED when I read about Jordy and the cougar that he did in the BUTT LOL!!!!  My friend at church told me Jesus sez U R still a virgin if U put it in the Butt.

So hears my question.  Jordy says that Cougar liked it in the butt 80% of the time.  Im not dum - I no what a cougar is and no what 80% means.  So I asked this one girl Stacy who is in the grade above me if I could put it in her butt.  She said no.  So I asked her  10 times and she didn't say OK even ONCE so I don't think Jordy is rite with that 80% thing.  What am I doin WRONG? An if stacy sez yes how do I git it in there?

thanx bro, CHARLIE D>

Feb 17 4 comments
ASP World Tour

OLD SCHOOL ROOKIE

I didn't get to see a picture of rookie Drew Courtney before writing about him.

After seeing his headshot, all I can say is "That is some Benjamin Button shit right there!"  He's got to be 40.

photo: ASP World Tour

photo: ASP World Tour

I hope for Drew's sake he's aging in reverse, cause he's a rookie and he already looks past retirement age.

I guess they aren't lying about the WQS being a slog - 10 years on tour aged the poor guy like a decade-long Lindsay Lohan coke and coochie binge. The ASP says Drew's the same age as Kai Otton and Tom Whittaker.  So he's like the guy who shows up at your high school reunion and you're like "Whoa! Good to see you! Wow!  You look.... um, really happy!"

New Crew Preview

Feb 13 0 comments
ASP World Tour

GEARING UP

Snapper Lineup. Photo: Tostee/Covered Images/ ASPworldtour.com

Snapper Lineup. Photo: Tostee/Covered Images/ ASPworldtour.com

With the QuikPro only two weeks away, the frothfest has begun in anticipation of the kickoff of the ASP season.

Surfline will feature two of my articles in the coming weeks - Power Rankings for the new crew on tour, and a preview for the Quikpro. Quotes have been piling up in my inbox from Fanning, Knox, Curran, Hobgood et al.

Some of these emails from pros come across like a Public Service Announcement warning us of the dangerous effects of homeschooling. One relatively articulate pro who shall remain nameless told me about Gabe Kling getting sick in West Oz with "amonia or something."  For a second I pictured Gabe eating fertilizer  - and then I realized that Kling was sick with pneumonia, not "amonia."  Riiight...

It's interesting  to look back and see how my preview of the QuikPro from last year held up.  Back in Febuary '08, before the tour kicked off, this was my take on the State of Kelly:

With all eyes on Fanning, Jordy, and Dane, Slater is almost flying under the radar... “I don’t think I’ll do a full year on the tour,” Kelly recently said. “So I’m just going to have some fun.”  Thing is, fun for Kelly usually means winning contests and then World Titles, just to remind everyone he’s the best ever.

Consider us remided.

Feb 09 1 comments
ASP World Tour, Surf Culture, mailroom

Is The WORLD TOUR like PRISON?

Now that I’m an “authority on surfing” I get letters from groms who are trying to decipher what surfing is all about.  Here’s a letter from little Charlie D, an inquisitive Grom from the OC who’s just trying to figure out “how 2b COOL.”

HAY, im textng cause i wanna now what the WORLD TOUR is like.

Ive been readin innerviews with prosurfers on transworld  an it sounds like the TOUR is pretty tough. They get sent 2 dessert islands with 44 sweaty dudes. I read with the ECONOMIES so bad this year, and surfers losin sponsorsips, plenty of peeps will NOT be able 2 aford plain tix for their chicks.

So.... is the WORLD TOUR like prison?
prison

Dad has HBO so I know what prisons like.  plus teddy went to juvie an he lives down the street so he told me.  Maybe theres a hole diffrent CODE goes along with being on tour?????...

its diffrent on the INSIDE, dog?? Everybody does it?? Teddy said he did anyways.

thanks, CHarLIe D.

Feb 07 6 comments
ASP World Tour, Surf Culture

TOO EASY

Nothing is required of me to make this post from CJ Hobgood's Blog unintentionally hilarious.

This is a flat-out cut and paste, not a satire:
nat-breaky
nat-prayer-breaky

im in washinton DC at the national prayer breakfast, with an estimated 3,400 others from 182 countries.it’s a sea of political peeps.there’s a house, some cabinets, senators,prime ministors and a president.tony blair went silly deff one of the best speakers i’ve ever witnessed.obamo did his thing nailed it but tony stole the show. the head dude from kenya was at my table for breaky,met the head dude from sri lanka,senator from florida we’ll i know you mad hui’s don’t care and i don’t care about there titles eaither.sorry for the pictures as like i said they really weren’t having cameras in the ballroom.going for tourist stuff tomorrow.must get out of this suit been in it for way tooooo long.peace c

Feb 05 0 comments
ASP World Tour, Personal

Is This Real Life?

In the rare instances in which I actually leave my house, it's a common occurrence for someone to "get up in my grill" concerning something I've written in the Power Rankings.  It always shocking when said someone begins reciting by heart something I've written (occasionally it's something I've written about them - see Luke Stedman below).

The first thing that comes to mind is "How in the hell do they remember what I wrote, when I don't even remember what I wrote?"

At that point I usually tell them the truth: I write the Power Rankings on deadline, and I'm usually drunk when I do so.  Some installments are worse than others, but often I can't get the damn things done unless I'm wasted.

Hey, don't judge.  Samuel Taylor Coleridge wrote Rime of the Ancient Mariner in an opium daze, Jack Kerouac  hammered out On the Road on the benzidrine, and Bob Dylan redifined popular music and popular culture while ingesting just about anything anyone handed to him.

Of course I'm a complete and utter lightweight in comparison, in terms of my substance abuse, influence and writing.

So perhaps it's more appropriate to compare my writing state to the mindset of this now infamous viral-meme child, videoed  after a nitrous-cushioned trip to the dentist.

Feb 03 5 comments
ASP World Tour, Personal, Surf Culture

I Wish my Dog Paid as Much Attention to What I Said

Good ol' Stab Mag released their 2008 Stab Awards and Mr. Luke Stedman won for "Fastest Body Transformation."

Luke Stedman. Photo: Stab Mag

Luke Stedman. Photo: Stab Mag

After a few riveting responses concerning Stedman's shirtless torso and skincare tips, Stab closed with the following question:

Stab: Finally, who is that little man on Surfline (Lewis Samuels) who seems intent on the assassination of your character?
Luke Stedman: That little man is little, for sure. I honestly wanted to kill him. He drove a sharp stake into me several times and it fucking hurt. It seemed like he wanted to bash me way more than every one else, too. Anyway, after several therapy sessions at a really expensive, overrated Sydney shrink centre, I changed my train of thought – really, it was just sitting on my deck with a cold Corona and Tom Whits telling me to snap out of it. I used his words to motivate me. Kept a couple of his quotes he wrote about me, put them up on my wall and drew positive energy from it. Actions speak louder than words and that’s what I did. I’m now 12th on the ratings and I remember being referred to as Stuart Bedford-Brown (tradesmanlike goofyfooter from the late 80s) and would never make the top 16 again as that was a fluke and hell would freeze over if I made top 10. I’m not going to use that crap cliche that’s it’s getting cold in Hell, but I won’t rest till I’ve reached single figures on the ratings.

Jan 28 1 comments
ASP World Tour, Surf Culture

Bugs Has Left The Building

In a surprise move sure to dissapoint fans of hardcore hyperbole, Rabbit Bartholomew has stepped down as ASP president.

“After deep consideration, I have decided not to seek a fifth term as ASP President,” Bartholomew said.

Pretty interesting quote from Rab there - who knew that ASP President was an elected office?  It's going to be hard to replace Rabbit, but in a popular election you have to reckon Occy would take it by a mile.  I reckon Occy embodies all the likeable characteristics of Will Ferrell's George W. Bush impression (Fun-lovin' folksy man o' the people) , with 99% less Seppo, Jingoistic bullshit.

Jan 22 9 comments
ASP World Tour, Interviews

The Ballad of AI

AI Interview

AI Interview

For the last week I've been working with Andy Irons and Blair Marlin (AI's manager) on the AI interview that Surfline put up today.

After a tumultuous couple years on tour, Andy has decided to take 2009 off. One of the many interesting facets to this story is that Andy is perhaps the first surfing superhero to watch his personal challenges be mulled over by a vast jury of internet surfers.

Andy admitted to me that he isn't too "computer-sauvey" and therefore he didn't read many of the things that media and fans have written about him.  (Although he did read the Power Ranking in which I compared an Andy Irons heat to an Amy Winehouse concert.  Kaiborg and Andy discussed the analogy and decided it was close enough to the truth to be funny.)