Category Archives: mailroom

Jun 07 23 comments
Surf Culture, mailroom

Comment of the Week

It's probably time for the comments section of PostSurf to receive some kind of overhaul.  Like the ASP, it's a broken system that teeters on the verge of brilliance one moment, only to devolve into shameful hate-mongering seconds later, and worse yet, descend into pithy irrelevance moments after that.

In the world of PostSurf, there is no greater sin than boring your audience.

With the sheer amount of words generated on this site each week, I fear we all sin on occasion.

So comment of the week goes to Mr. Gary Leonardi, who, as far as I can tell, has only commented once on this site.

Mr. Leonardi was stirred to write after viewing an admittedly irrelevant photograph of Australian birds that I included in my Drew Courtney post.

Gary Leonardi says: June 1, 2009 at 12:27 pm

WHAT KIND OF EXOTIC AUSTRALIAN PARROTS ARE THOSE??? I LOV E BIRDS AND ALL EXOTIC ANIMALS ESPECIALLY MY AFRICAN GREY PARROT THURSTON. DO YOU LIKE EXOTICS? I USED TO HAVE AN IGUANA NAMED CEASAR BUT IT DIED OF A SINUS INFECTION. I WANT A MONKEY BUT I HEAR THAT THEY ALSO GET RESPITORY INFECTIONS AND THAT SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO DOMINATE THEM PHYSICALLY OR THEY BITE.

Like an ASP judge, I'm sure I'm being cursed right now for my idiocy.  Gary Leonardi? Kanye-esque all caps? Parrots? Well, Leonardi's last sentence earned him victory:  the most relevant metaphorical life-advice I've ever heard.

(And, perhaps, in the wake of last week's COTW choice, Mr. Leonardi actually used his real name.  If so, I'd like to think this is his myspace page, and he is in fact a middle-aged english comic.  Perhaps his "Quasimodo Sanctuary" video is an ode to Aritz Aranburu.)

One can dream.

Speaking of dreams: Who doesn't want a pet monkey?

I offer you this video of monkeys participating in watersports as my closing argument.

May 31 43 comments
Photos, Surf Culture, Videos, mailroom

Comment of the Week.

2550236041_8bf541147e_b

Comment of the week goes to Dave Mailman, who seemed to develop a moderate-to-serious addiction to the PostSurf commenters arena this week.

Honestly, I'm on the road right now, and I didn't take the time to read through all of the comments.  But I'm certain that many readers hammered out insights that eclipsed those of Mr. Mailman.

However, the crown goes to Mr. Mailman simply because he chose to stand by his opinions by attaching his actual name to them.

(Dave Mailman is not an un-clever pseudonym - he's an actual person who does the webcast commentary for various ASP Europe and WCT events).

One of the common criticisms my work receives (usually from anonymous commenters) is something along the lines of this: "Whatever, dude, any coward can talk shit on the internet."

There is, of course, truth to this observation.  Which is why I think it's important to attach my real name to everything I write.  Just like Dave Mailman, I actually have to interact with the people I write about.  It raises the stakes.

Think about it the next time you leave an awesome, snarky comment on a website.  Knowing that you'd inevitably run into the person you're writing about, would you attach your real name to your comment?

Dave Mailman says: May 26, 2009 at 9:04 am

... Not as creative or emotionally disturbed as some of the characters inhabiting this virtual reality world that is PostSurf, but I do like to set the record straight for everyone when I can… This site is kind of like a drug, though. You know it’s not good for you, but with crew like BR around you know your going to have a good time!
PS: Definitely not condoning drug use… just a metaphor.

May 17 58 comments
Surf Culture, mailroom

Comment of the Week.

Comment of the Week goes to Ballz, who was savvy enough to spot talent when it bugged out in front of him.  Specifically, Ballz recognized the real star of the show from last week on PostSurf: this dude.

Ballz says: May 12, 2009 at 12:40 pm

Did you guys see Jessie from Dukes of Hazard talking about those guys, “GOING ORFFFFF”?

Ballz says: May 12, 2009 at 12:45 pm

Watch his eyes when he says, “Going OFFFFF!” They’re as big as saucers!

A little background: Jessie was featured in the trailer for Echo Beach... I don't know who he is, but skip forward to the 45 second mark to check him out in all his glory.

I think Uncle Jessie might be on his way to becoming a successful internet meme. Can someone please put together a video clip of him bugging out? Solid gold.

I'd also like to see him get in a staring contest with Phil Spector.  Bets, please?

May 04 76 comments
Surf Culture, mailroom

POSTSURF FAQs

One of the very few upsides of running this little corner of internet fuckery known as “PostSurf.com” is that I’ve been granted magical powers by Google Analytics that allow me to see how you all got here.

Whenever I’m feeling pessimistic about the intelligence level of surfers, I just browse the search terms that got them to my site, and suddenly I believe in all that is good with the world again.

Some of the things I can tell you:  There are a LOT of people searching for naked photos of Alana Blanchard.  There are also a lot of pro-hos searching for permutations of the following: “ProX + divorce” or “ProX + girlfriend” or “ProX + herpes.”

darwinknost

But people don’t just type in search terms – sometimes instead they type in questions for “the Google” to answer.  Some of these are really insightful, relevant questions.

Sometimes the Google directs them to Postsurf for answers.

I was hoping that PostSurf’s commenters could answer some of my favorite questions from readers:

(And, yes, these are sadly real questions typed in by real people who really ended up at PostSurf.)

Is scott bass a moron?
alex knost horrible sucks worst?
how to look knost?
chafing penis boardshorts?
does tight pants make me a hipster?
where do the hipsters live in Sydney?
did dave and hannah rastovich separated?
what business opportunities has billabong got?
when does dateline come on tonight?
how to come up with money?
Jimmicane fat wanker?
Why is sean collins a fucking asshole?
how many world titles did bobby martinez win?
what your surfing style says about you?
swine flu punishment from allah?
when is the swine gonna be gone?
does makua rothman have a girlfriend?
makua rothman douchebag?
jewish bankers at the center of the earth?
do jews control the world?
what does backdoor mean in surfing?
is larry david an asshole?
how much money does a surf shop make per year for 15 years?
how to get chola eyebrows?
when are you not considered a kook any more?

May 03 64 comments
Surf Culture, mailroom

Comment of the Weak: Scott Bass tells us what a local is!

Believe it or not, comment of the week goes to Mark!

Mark says: April 29, 2009 at 5:49 pm

"I am confused about Santa Cruz localism... How many consecutive years of living in S.C. does it take before you are forgiven your original home of record.

Doug Haut is from Los Altos. Is he still a “valley” after 35 years of owning a surf shop that is 400 yards from the peak at Stockton Ave?

...Is there a rulebook we can refer to on this subject?"

Well Mark, luckily for you, there is a rulebook!

Just click on over to good ol' Surfermag.com, where Scott Bass recently posted "Surf Etiquette: Locals, Regulars and Visitors - Determine Your Status"

eddie

As I've mentioned in previous posts, Scott Bass is a moron.  If bad writing could kill, Scott Bass would be Jeffrey Dahmer.  So I don't actually recommend that you read Scott's article on "determining your status."

I'll summarize Scott's article with this one excerpt:

"A 'local' is anybody that started surfing his or her beaches or breaks before puberty. If you were paddling out before the appearance of your black curly fries, then you are a 'local' at or near that spot or beach generally within a 5 mile stretch up and down the coastline. If not, then you are not 'local.'"

There's a sliver of optimism in me that hopes Bass's article was an attempt at humor, but I fear that would be giving Scott far too much credit.

So - Scott Bass is telling everyone who started surfing after the onset of puberty that they will never be a local anywhere.  He's also telling Eddie Rothman that he's not a local on the North Shore.

How bout the Wolfpak? Are they Pipe locals?  I'll go with yes.

But according to Scott Bass, no.  Kai Garcia and Kala Alexander grew up on Kauai - more than 5 miles from Pipe.  In Scott Bass's opinion, that means they cannot be locals at Pipe.

Although, I should note that according to ESPN, at 13 Kala Alexander earned a scholarship to Kamehameha High School on Oahu.  Perhaps the next time Scott Bass is on the North Shore, he can ask Kala exactly when his pubic hair appeared.  If it was after the age of 13, then Scott will have to explain to Kala that he is not eligible to be a local at Pipe.

Good luck with that, Scott.

Apr 26 74 comments
mailroom, power rankings

COMMENT of the WEEK

What's most interesting to me at this point about Surfline's "new and improved Power Rankings" (as described objectively by Surfline's editor) is that they feature yet another attempt by Surfline to stifle dissent from their audience.

Like all Surfline features, the comments section for the new rankings is moderated.

Unsurprisingly, I received a large number of emails from surfers this week who claimed to have left non-profane, respectful yet critical comments on Surfline, only to see them go unpublished. Instead, Surfline's editors cherry-picked a batch of comments that painted the picture they wanted to tell.  Then they went back and removed some more comments, then they closed the comments section altogether.

free_speech_1

This isn't the first time Surfline has tried to control the commentary surrounding their actions.  Surfline allegedly shut down their message boards after being bombarded with negative comments concerning their actions regarding Barra and Scorpion Bay. More recently they closed comments on both my last installment of the Power Rankings and their new version, once the mood turned sour.

Students of history are well aware that attempts to squash dissent and mute the exercise of free speech usually only encourage more vitriolic responses.

Surfline has learned this the hard way - or perhaps it's more accurate to say they've experienced negative repercussions, without learning at all.  The harder Surfline has tried to snuff out critics, the more discussion has bloomed concerning Surfline on other message boards.

Same thing in regards to the Power Rankings - see the "Hey Surfline! CENSOR THIS!" thread on FantasySurfer or the "Why was my Power Ranking thread removed?" thread on Surfer's forums.

Innocents will of course think that Surfline's moderation amounts to responsible comment management instead of censorship.   It's paranoid to think Sean Collins is actually trying to control what people say and think - right?

Turns out, not so much.

In emails from June 2008, variously sent to Surfline employees, industry insiders, and the editors of Surfer, Surfing, and Transworld, Sean Collins expressed the following thoughts concerning online discussions:

"With the propagation of Web 2.0, blogs, user generated comments, etc. Everyone can post anything they want...While this new information age brings many great things, for sure it's also troubling times as the safeguards aren't yet in place to control those people who may try abuse the system..."

"This is sickening stuff... We learned that from Barra last year but at least you guys have the opportunity to react quickly, and with a "cooperative" non-competitive media in the surf world to get the truth out quickly..."

Well, good luck attempting to "control those people" who have the nerve to excercise their constitutional right to express opinions. You may be able to silence their voices on your own site, or even lobby editors of other magazines in what you see as a "'cooperative' non-competitive media" to remove dangerous opinions from their sites.

But this is PostSurf, and things work differently here.  And the funniest part is, a shitload of people in the industry are reading.

So our comment of the week is simply one of many that Surfline's editors refused to run on their site:

Objective says:
April 23, 2009 at 9:29 am

As attempted to be posted on surfline:

“Nice job, fuckwits. This already sucks.

And I like how any negative comments are edited out by the thought police (sorry for the reference you don’t understand). Go Stalin! Go Mao! Go Collins!

Even if you are editing only because of the powers that be, then you have traded your morality for money.

Surfline has sunk even lower. 'Oh, cool! Another ‘Groms Attack’ feature.' Fuck you.”

Apr 12 21 comments
Surf Culture, mailroom

Comment of the Week

Dear Readers:

I just want to formally apologize for not living up to my non-existent promise to provide you with a thought-provoking, meaningful, zany, hilarious post every single fucking day.

Some of you may be experiencing a paranoid suspicion that I'm putting less than 100% into PostSurf lately.  But why???? Some speculate that it's because I'm on a surf trip, and care more about surf than Postsurf. Others suspect it's because I have another job which I'm actually paid to do  - in contrast to this volunteer fuckery.   Who knows what my motives actually are.

Luckily for me, PostSurf is home to the most creative and mentally ill team of commenters in the whole wide surfing blogoshphere.

Don't believe me?  Take a look at Blasphemy Rottmouth's response to the Hieronymus Bosch Reader Challenge. If I actually had advertisers, sponsors or a budget, I'd certainly provide Mr. Rottmouth with the prize he most certainly deserves.  And by prize, I mean years of therapy.

hieronymus_bosch_garden_of_earthly_delights_tryptich_centre_panel_-_detail_9

Blasphemy Rottmouth says: April 9, 2009 at 8:22 pm

Here’s my take on this thought provoking post:

1. Christian Fletcher: Easy. He is God. Located in the first frame, He is the father of modern aerial surfing, backdoor soul, and fellow lowrider who loves old Fords, like myself.

2. Quiksilver: The mountains on Hell’s horizon. They vomit forth the glow of Kelly Slater’s throbbing gristle, minutes after he took Giselle Buttchin from behind.

3. SUPers: Those who frolic amongst the serene lake in panel two. Ironically, their gasoline fumes caused the fish to mutate, sprout wings, and fly.

4. Billabong: Duh, the primordial puddle of ooze in the first frame. Birthing a limitless supply of knuckle dragging creatures yet to evolve into creatures possessing enough self awareness to use their opposable thumbs to jack-off the flaccid maggots that dangle betwixt their webbed-foot clad legs.

5. Buzzy Trent: He sits ‘ponst his throne of big wave surfing in the last frame. There, he surveys the carnage of professional surfing about him, and dines on the meaty thigh of Carlos Burle. “Where were you fifty years ago, putz?” Buzzy ponders as femur shrapnel rattles about his cavernous mouth.

6. Sean Collins: Somewhat hard to locate this pile of rotting flesh amongst so much filth and debauchery. Then… SMACK!! There he is. Right before our astonished eyes. Smack dab in the middle of the last frame. His smug expression is subtly obscured by a sombrero sporting various corporate lute players who proudly espouse their keen knowledge of all surf spots heretofore unbeknownst to the peasant masses. His smile reflects the shudders his colon is experiencing as the next wave of “young guns” foolishly make their way up the ladder of success to the gaping asshole of reality. So it goes.

7. Shane Herring: Who? Where? Here? Oh, yeah, he’s the washed up coulda-been who’s passed out on the table in the lower portion of the last frame. It’s probably best he’s not lucid enough to witness any more Slater victories at this point.

8. Richie Collins: Richie resides in the last frame. His exposed buttocks lies just below the gallows, his head buried in the decadent sands of Newport Beach’s obscurity, and his prolapsed rectum dispensing hand-shaped surfboards resembling the fingers of an arthritic geriatric patient.

9. Flea Virostko: Darryl emerges, though it’s hard to see, from the bathhouse in the lower right portion of the middle frame. What he was doing in that bathhouse with other sweaty, nude men… I cannot judge. I only calls it like I sees it. No offense Darryl, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with alternative lifestyles.

10. Chris Cote: Amazingly, he shows up in all three panels. In panel one, he climbs from the primordial ooze with the sad look of realization on his face that, his mind will never evolve beyond that of a tadpole. In the second panel, he has morphed into a tower of Menos Tiny Phallus; in the lake on the upper left corner… and there he spouts forth his devout love of seeing corporate men. Finally, in the last frame, Chris manages an extremely heavy petting session with a swine in nun’s garb – a Mother Teresa, if you will.

All in all, a brilliant masterpiece by Bosch. The painting itself is sexy… like a sexy nightmare. Now, I pray my nightly dose of whisky and Ambien drowns my sorrows for having pained my retinas with this post.

Mar 29 28 comments
Surf Culture, mailroom

Comment of the Week

On Sundays I take a break from regular posting, nurse my hangover, and highlight reader comments. But I'm not sure if there's any need to fan the flames of the multiple controversies that are still burning in the comments sections this week.

So I'll shed light on a totally unrelated shit storm that got started when Anthony W. commented on Portugal. In reference to what? I have no idea. I guess Anthony read some other comments that had nothing to do with Portugal, and figured that PostSurf is kinda like a support group where really angry surfers can share their random hostile thoughts.

Now multiple Portuguese websites have picked up the story, and some of them are incorrectly assuming I wrote the comment below. Sweet! Thanks Anthony.

Tiago runs to the safety of a European bay. Photo: SurfersVillage.com

Tiago runs to the safety of a bay. Photo: SurfersVillage.com

Anthony W. says: March 23, 2009 at 3:06 am

AHAHHAHA… Portugal… country of Tigers… country of the pussiest waveriders ever! When waves get bigger they all run away to the safety bays where it’s 2 foot offshore and make faces of someone getting spit out of an 8 foot pipe barrel on a bogging bottom turn. How did Tiago Pires got that Tiger alias? He looks more like a turtle with weird arm positioning. Is the guy’s neck that short or does he tuck in between his shoulders as protection from the real tigers? God, his surfing makes me wanna vomit… looks just like another brazzo from the wrong side of the Atlantic. Peace out!

Hugo says: March 27, 2009 at 5:18 am

Hey you all, with such big balls, just come and join Tiago and all his fellow pussies at their home break. Just have a look at him surfing 2 foot offshore and claiming here… http://postsurf.com/2009/03/21/outsider-art/#comments (Editor's note: this link goes to 70s photos of guys riding two-foot waves.)

Hugo says: March 27, 2009 at 5:20 am

With the correct link now… http://www.flickr.com/photos/onfiresurf/2352197338/in/photostream/

banjo says: March 28, 2009 at 1:08 pm

Let “The Lewis” be the judge… Tiago Pires, tiger or kook?

Diogo from Portugal says: March 29, 2009 at 4:12 am

Tiger dudes ! Look at this SURFLINE video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUFmrZgb7lk

And dudes, when Slater saw this video, he freaked out ! And after Bali 08 he said Tiago was one of the best tube riders in the world!

So, all you jerks who hate Portugal, come here, I will get you to some waves and see if you do better then us portugueses and tiago !

You are such a pricks!

Mar 22 25 comments
Surf Culture, mailroom

Comment of the Week

Another productive week here at PostSurf headquarters.

7 posts generated 154 comments, which ran the usual gamut: threats, conservative rants, liberal rants, angry anti-establishment rants, theological rants, deranged ramblings, and plenty of accusations of sexual misconduct.

Last week, I pleaded with readers to engage in "thoughtful debate with other members of this community."

At times we almost achieved just that.  Reference the discussion from late Saturday night (re: Outsider Art) between Sesquipedalian and Magnum Meatwhistle (AKA Occy's Underbite AKA Andy Irons' Dealer AKA F. Murray Abrahambone).

These two got into a chat room throw-down over the size of their vocabularies.

Sample retort: "As my career, IQ, home library, and multiple degrees attest, I am far from 'vocabulary challenged.'"

Oh Snap!

The comment that set off this spat is below.  Click here to see the fallout.

The surf industrial complex is coming for me.

The surf industrial complex is coming for us.

F. Murray Abrahambone says: March 21, 2009 at 5:03 pm

Alex Knost??

Let’s talk again about an all-too-familiar subject: Alex Knost and his misinformed personal attacks on fellow surfers. To get immediately to the point, if I have a bias, it is only against whiney fanatics who smear and defame core surfers like myself and my two balls: named Preston Pendergrass and Logan Schwartzworth respectively. Ten years ago, it was drugged-out, lazy scumbags with mustaches. Today, it’s disgusting, aberrant sybarites who create problems that our grandchildren will have to live with. Let me end by appealing to our collective sense of humanity: The most treacherous manifestation of dysfunctional sentiment among viperine thought police has been the way they egg on negative externalities in the form of evasion, collusion, and corruption.

Fuck you Alex Knost.

And you too Drew Courtney.

Mar 15 26 comments
Surf Culture, mailroom

COMMENT of the WEEK

Here's the thing about comments on surf sites: People usually only bother to comment on a post for one of two reasons.

1)They really, really like what they just experienced (about as prevalent per capita as female ejaculation).

2) They're really, REALLY pissed about something (Seems to happen all the fucking time on this site.)

Naively, I'm going to encourage all my readers to comment for a third reason: To make your voice heard in our surf community.  Engage in some thoughtful debate with other members of this community.

Some of you are starting to do that already - this week we saw some respectful interchanges amongst like-minded intellectuals.

We even had some theological debate going on! (Somone suggested I read a book that helps you find success in the work place via the teachings of Christianity.)

christ-getting

Guy says: March 11, 2009 at 12:39 pm

Lewis,
I just finished this incredible book on work that I think you could benefit from called “The Gift of Work” by Bill Heatley. I appreciate your writings and I think this book can help provide you an intelligent and coherent view of work.
Guy

nuthugginbuttplugger says: March 11, 2009 at 2:13 pm

Yes Lewis, follow the teaching’s of Christianity like Guy suggests. You’ll feel much better about working for the Lord instead of working for the Man.

dr says: March 11, 2009 at 5:21 pm

yes lewis, do everything for a giant invisible man who lives in the sky. I mean you’d be mad if you didn’t!

Mar 09 7 comments
Surf Culture, mailroom

Comment of the Week

Well, if last week's comments had that "Welcome to the Monkey House" vibe, this week's comments were more like "Welcome to a mental institution for criminally insane monkeys!"

Why are yall so ANGRY?  Are yall using dial up or something?

Monday mornings are depressing enough without reading through a week of deranged PostSurf comments, so I chose the most recent comment as our Comment of the Week:

Chino - Re JIHADapalooza

Firstly, to say this post is racist or low is just plain retarded. If someone with the first name “poop” equalled their best ever result there would be more than a few puns doing the rounds. There’s no need to be super awesomely politically correct just to insure you don’t incur the same fate as certain Danish cartoonists… And I agree with coco aine, fate definitely dealt Jihad a rough hand re: his appellation(especially given the current political climate), big ups to him for getting this far.

Thanks to Chino for reminding me of the shitstorm that followed those Danish cartoons and Salman Rushdie's "The Satanic Verses."  I guess there's some unwritten rule about not pissing off Muslims...

This brings up an interesting point:

What if a posse of peeps I've offended band together into an A-Team?

That would suck for me.

a-team

It's an intimidating crew.  Who do you think will finally teach me the meaning of respect?


Mar 05 10 comments
Personal, Surf Culture, mailroom

Are Comedians TERRORISTS?

Now that I'm an "authority on surfing" I get letters from groms who are trying to decipher what surfing is all about.  Here's another letter from little Charlie D, an inquisitive Grom from the OC who's just trying to figure out "how 2b COOL."

Hay,

R comedians TERRORISTS?  My Dad has been drinkin alot an watchin his MATLOCK dvds, hes such a douche he dont even now what NETFLIX is let alone WATCH INSTANLY.  Anyway, Dad is all chapped because hes sez the 8os were better when we had a STRONG leader Ronald Reggaen.  Dad sez now everythings ruined cause the economies soooo bad and that bitch mom keeps askin him for Ali Moni  - who I've never even met by the way - I don't know who she is.  After I'm at dads, mom always asks me about that SLUT Nikki who sleeps with dad instead of asking about Ali Moni. HUH?!?!?

But what Im writing about is this comedians thing.  I like people who R funny like U.  But Dad hates comediens, he sez that old woman Tina Fay ruined our great nation cause she made Sara Palin look dumb and stuff and now we have a TERRORIST as R PREZ.  So Tina is worse than Sadamn dad says.

H8 U TIna

Does that mean U R a terrorist?  I hope not cause I like the POWER RANKING its funny but it got me thinkin,  U R pretty harsh on TAJ and TAJ is cool so maybe U R a TERRORiST?

Please B nicer 2 TAJ.

-CHaRLlie D

Mar 01 23 comments
Surf Culture, mailroom

Comment of the Week

Menorah on labia minora action? Photo:Lastnightsparty

Menorah on labia minora action? Photo:Lastnightsparty

Tip of the day: don't read PostSurf's comments if you have a really bad hangover.  There's some depressing  "welcome to the monkey house" type shit mixed in.  I used to think that I might be the most hated man in surfing, but now I realize that people hate Scott Bass and Alex Knost as much as they hate me.  Why is everyone so angry?  This site is supposed to be funny.  I blame the economy.

Anyhoo, our Comment of the Week comes from The Nug, and it has to do with love instead of hate.

On Jews in Surfing:

The Nug says:
February 23, 2009 at 11:49 am

I wished that Jews controlled womens surfing. I, for one, would love to see some Menorah on labia minora action.

Please note that PostSurf comments represent the opinions of each commenter only.  That being the case, keep the comments coming.

Feb 24 29 comments
ASP World Tour, Cutting Room, Surf Culture, mailroom

Tonight on Dateline’s “To Catch a Predator”

When I first started writing about surfing, I received this earnest advice from an editor: "Dumb down your prose - remember your readers are mostly 15-year-old boys, or they're as stupid as 15-year-old boys."

Take a look at Transworld's new "10 Hottest Girls in Pro Surfing" feature.  The crew at TW are masters when it comes to knowing their audience.

Transworld's "10 Hottest Girls in Pro Surfing"

Transworld's "10 Hottest Girls in Pro Surfing"

The 30-something edit team at TW based their picks on the following: "Does she rip? And does she look good doing so? While some are more on the rip side and others on the sexy side, we feel both sides of the spectrum are represented and did our best to not come off as total sexist pigs—not the easiest thing in the world to do for this bunch."

The 30-something TW editors picked 5 girls who were minors this time last year.  The girl in the photo above just barely missed the Top 10 cut with the following caveat: "Yeah, we’re creeps for putting a 16-year old on this list but it’s not our fault the Maui girl made the US Surf Team and has looks that could kill."

At 21, one of the oldest girls in the Top 10 is Anastasia Ashely, who apparently wears heels and makeup to the beach:

Anastasia Ashley. Photo: Damea Dorsey

Anastasia Ashley. Photo: Damea Dorsey

Transworld explains that "Anastasia has been spending a lot of time with Hulk Hogan’s son, Nick, whom she calls her best friend and her biggest fan... Selfishly, we want Anastasia to make the World Championship Tour just to see who wears a smaller bikini—her or Alana Blanchard."

Considering that Ashley had a WQS rating of 52 last year and hangs out with Hogans, it seems more likely she'll go on tour with the "Rock of Love" bus than the ASP.

In the meantime you can thank the "creeps" at Transworld for getting your IP address added to that sexual predator watchlist.