Tag Archives: bells

Bells Power Rankings: 1-5

Joel Parkinson
Bells Result: 1 Previous Result: 1 ASP Rating: 1
Well that was relatively easy.  After breezing to two seemingly preordained victories, Parko’s all but secured the World Title.  He’s like an NBA player on the free-throw line now, who only needs to make 1 of 2 to seal the deal and prevent the game from [...]

Bells Power Rankings: 6-10

Taj Burrow
Bells Result: 17 Previous Result: 3 ASP Rating: 7
Poor Taj.  Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.  In recent years, Taj has revealed his deep desire to emulate Cocoa Beach’s most famous son.  Unfortunately for Taj, his personal trainer thinks Carrot Top, not Kelly Slater, is Cocoa Beach’s most famous son.  (According to Wiki, Carrot [...]

Bells Power Rankings: 11-15

Kekoa Bacalso
Bells Result: 5 Previous Result: 17 ASP Rating: =9
On a more serious note: it’s a well-know fact that surf journalists cannot write about Hawaiians with anything approaching candor.  My former employer was happy to let me throw Brazilians or Euros under the bus.  But when it came to Hawaiians, even Hawaiian haoles, I was [...]

Bells Power Rankings: 16-21

Drew Courtney
Bells Result: 9 Previous Result: 17 ASP Rating: =14
One of the most common mistakes novice drunk drivers make is going too slow.  If you’re driving 15 MPH and swerving like a sidewinder, everyone knows you’re plastered.  But if you’re fanging it in 5th gear, people are going to notice the pure speed before they [...]

Bells Power Rankings: 22-27

Kelly Slater
Bells Result: 17 Previous Result: 17 ASP Rating: =24
Lately, I feel old.  Hedonistic, selfish pursuits don’t consistently bring me the same joy that they used to.  When I get wasted, I have fun, but I’m haunted by the fact that in my 20s I got more wasted, and had more fun.  When I surf, [...]

Bells Power Rankings: 28-33

Michael Campbell
Bells Result: 17 Previous Result: 33 ASP Rating: =29
From a historical perspective, when an Aussie thinks of backside surfing at Bells, they think of Mark Occhilupo and little else.  But throughout the late 80s and early 90s, Damien Hardman ruled the Bells bowl with a methodical precision.  With the help of high-volume, low rocker [...]

Bells Power Rankings: 34-39

Greg Emslie
Bells Result: 33 Previous Result: 17 ASP Rating: =29
Everything you possibly need to know about Greg “Bigfoot” Emslie can be learned by watching the seminal 1987 film “Harry and Hendersons,” backwards, while simultaneously listening to side two of Led Zeppelin IV, also backwards, while trying to snort lines of vintage angel dust cut with [...]

Bells Power Rankings: 40-45

OK, kids.  The Power Rankings live on - on Postsurf, for now.  I'll be putting up a handful a day over the course of the next week.  Let's start with the bottom dwellers.

Miky Picon
Bells Result: 33 Previous Result: 33 Rating: =39
Many cynics scoff that the ASP is poised on the brink of irrelevancy: a [...]