Tag Archives: not surfline power rankings

Tahiti POWER RANKINGS: 1-5

Joel Parkinson
Tahiti Result: 9 Previous Result: 1 ASP Rating: 1
Joel Parkinson can find solace in recent history.  Like Joel, Slater started last year with two wins, only to fall early at Chopes.  Fortunately for Slater, all the other contenders fell early, too.  Same story this year, as Parko’s real rivals (Mick, CJ, and Kelly) dropped [...]

Tahiti POWER RANKINGS: 6-10

C.J. Hobgood
Tahiti Result: 5 Previous Result: 5 ASP Rating: 4
Bitter truth: there was a moment in Tahiti, after Joel and Mick had lost, but before Taj had bested CJ, when Hobgood had a clear path to a legitimate world title.  It was Teahupoo, for fuck’s sake!  The last venue on tour in which the cards [...]

Tahiti POWER RANKINGS: 11-15

Freddy Patacchia
Tahiti Result: 17 Previous Result: 3 ASP Rating: 9
I’m worried that Freddy P has lost his edge after reportedly having that kid with Bruce.  Where’s the hatred?  Patacchia is full of aloha lately, which is really incongruous coming from a Hawaiian professional surfer. For instance: Fred nearly landed on his opponent Josh Kerr in [...]

Tahiti POWER RANKINGS: 16-20

Adrian Buchan
Tahiti Result: 17 Previous Result: 17 ASP Rating: =14
Truly cutting edge surfers today realize that contest winnings and sponsorship agreements should only represent a fraction of their earnings.  The big money is in tell-all memoirs, video games, and merchandising. Just ask Kelly, who’s penned two books, created one video game, and now has his [...]

Tahiti POWER RANKINGS: 21-25

Josh Kerr
Tahiti Result: 9 Previous Result: 33 ASP Rating: =20
It’s easy for cynics to discount Josh Kerr as a latter-day Christian Fletcher type, an aerial specialist, scrubbed clean and toned down for a different market.  Clearly, Josh Kerr feels that he’s capable of more than winning airshows – why else the nonchalant return to tour?  [...]

Tahiti POWER RANKINGS: 26-30

Drew Courtney
Tahiti Result: 33 Previous Result: 9 ASP Rating: =20
Watching senior citizen/rookie Drew “Benjamin Button” Courtney surf Teahupoo was inspiring.  It reminded me so much of the first time I saw “Cocoon.”  Drew surfed and lost within the first couple hours of the waiting period… which was good for him in that he made it [...]

Tahiti POWER RANKINGS: 31-35

Tim Reyes
Tahiti Result: 17 Previous Result: 17 ASP Rating: =30
Who knew that Timmy Reyes could grow hair?  I erroneously believed him to be prematurely bald, like you know who and that other guy.  So when Tim showed up at Chopes with curly locks, I kid you not, I thought he’d sprung for a toupee for [...]

Tahiti POWER RANKINGS: 36-40

Ben Dunn
Tahiti Result: 17 Previous Result: 33 ASP Rating: =35
I’ve been wracking my alcohol-drenched brain, trying to determine if there was ever a more boring Australian pro surfer than Ben Dunn.  Ces Wilson? Jake Spooner? Bryce Ellis? Ben Dunn might take the cake.  If you’re gonna be a bottom-rung guy, might as well make it [...]