Tag Archives: surfline

The Handicapper General

"THE YEAR WAS 2081, and everybody was finally equal. They weren’t only equal before God and the law. They were equal every which way. Nobody was smarter than anybody else. Nobody was better looking than anybody else. Nobody was stronger or quicker than anybody else. All this equality was due to the 211th, 212th, and [...]

READER CHALLENGE: Surfline Drinking Game!

As previously mentioned, it's been slow out there lately in terms of compelling surf content.
I decided to spice things up by playing a drinking game while readings Surfline's Tavarua Spot Check.
At first, I was hoping to write something witty about the inherent advertorial irony of a 39-slide feature exclusively dedicated to an exclusive resort, narrated [...]

Preemptive Strike: Necessary defense against Groms?

How much longer can responsible, red-blooded American adult surfers afford to stand idle while Groms Attack?  Is a preemptive strike justified to defend ourselves from future attacks?
Surfline (a media outlet well known for giving readers "the honest reporting they deserve") has documented multiple cases When Groms Attack: Puerto Rico, Hawaii, San Clemente, Cabo, Fiji... why [...]


What's most interesting to me at this point about Surfline's "new and improved Power Rankings" (as described objectively by Surfline's editor) is that they feature yet another attempt by Surfline to stifle dissent from their audience.
Like all Surfline features, the comments section for the new rankings is moderated.
Unsurprisingly, I received a large number of emails [...]

Ironic Justice

The Surfline forecast for today called for 1-2' and onshore winds on the particular foreign shore I am now haunting.
If there is a god, perhaps she believes in ironic justice.
The swell built to double-overhead plus by sunset, and the crowd was light... as most punters had checked the forecast, and therefore believed it was going [...]

Where will the MONEY come from?

Since I got fired I'm trying to figure out how I can get paid for this fuckery.
Me and the staff here at PostSurf (meaning me and my dog) have been throwing around a few ideas:
1) Sell ad space on PostSurf via pyramid scheme
I'm offering you, my reader, an amazing once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make over $100,000 [...]


You didn't have to be Nostradamus to see this coming.
For those of you had bets going as to when this would happen:
Surfline fired me on Friday due to last week's "Corporate Rage" post.
If any of you want a refresher course on "How the Surf Industry Works," this incident should serve as a convenient example.  Nothing [...]


Lots of stories in the news lately about the groundswell of public anger in the wake of AIG's use of bailout funds to pay out $165 million in bonuses.
It got me thinking about the disconnect between upper management and the little guy as we struggle through this economic crisis.
In the recent Surfline article "Tavarua Time" [...]

I Wish my Dog Paid as Much Attention to What I Said

Good ol' Stab Mag released their 2008 Stab Awards and Mr. Luke Stedman won for "Fastest Body Transformation."
After a few riveting responses concerning Stedman's shirtless torso and skincare tips, Stab closed with the following question:
Stab: Finally, who is that little man on Surfline (Lewis Samuels) who seems intent on the assassination of your character?
Luke Stedman: [...]

The Ballad of AI

For the last week I've been working with Andy Irons and Blair Marlin (AI's manager) on the AI interview that Surfline put up today.
After a tumultuous couple years on tour, Andy has decided to take 2009 off. One of the many interesting facets to this story is that Andy is perhaps the first surfing superhero [...]

Well, it SOUNDED Promising

When I first saw a press release titled "Gorilla Welcomes German Marlon Lipke To Team" show up on Surfline, I got very excited.
Naturally, I was expecting something like this:
As is often the case in the surf industry, the truth was rather disappointing in comparison to my lofty expectations.
It turns out Gorilla is a company - [...]